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Still Got a XBox Though | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/29/18(Sat)16:24:34 No.788547098 >be me >a few years ago >9 years old >it's Christmas Eve >we're staying at my uncle and aunts house , ours was being fumigated 50 KB JPG >I know l've been a p------------ all year so I just f------ knew Santa was gonna give me coal >get an idea >'ll atay up late and when he tries to give me coal l'll surprise him and just take whatever I want >perfect plan.jpg >so I sneak out of bed at about 10:30 and go down to the living room and hide behind the couch >wind up falling asleep >wake up because I hear a noise >ohfuckitssanta.wav >jump out to apprise that fat f--- >it wasn't Santa >it was my uncle f------ the ever loving s--- out of my mom on the couch. Merry f------ Christmas 9 yr old me.
: Anonymous 12/29/18(Sat)16:24:34 No.788547098 >be me >a few years ago >9 years old >it's Christmas Eve >we're staying at my uncle and aunts house , ours was being fumigated 50 KB JPG >I know l've been a p------------ all year so I just f------ knew Santa was gonna give me coal >get an idea >'ll atay up late and when he tries to give me coal l'll surprise him and just take whatever I want >perfect plan.jpg >so I sneak out of bed at about 10:30 and go down to the living room and hide behind the couch >wind up falling asleep >wake up because I hear a noise >ohfuckitssanta.wav >jump out to apprise that fat f--- >it wasn't Santa >it was my uncle f------ the ever loving s--- out of my mom on the couch. Merry f------ Christmas 9 yr old me.

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Anon gets swindled | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Wedding cucked 08/29/21(Sun)15:39:26 No.24827347 >Be 16 >Get a gf - my first relationship >Now 30 >Still with gf, so suggest getting married >She says yes! >Recently made some dollar on crypto 139 KB JPG >Offer to pay fully for the wedding >"Aww, love you hun, since you're paying let me do all the organising work so you don't have to worry about it" >Cool, transfer all the money to her account so she can get organising >We talk about the organisation asking me if I like certain things, food tastings etc. Standard wedding things >Breaks up with me 1 week before the wedding >Doesn't cancel wedding plans and marries someone else What the f--- can I do? I just paid for someone else's wedding to marry my f------ ex after 14 years ffs, never thought l'd be f------ cucked this bad this hard.
: Anonymous Wedding cucked 08/29/21(Sun)15:39:26 No.24827347 >Be 16 >Get a gf - my first relationship >Now 30 >Still with gf, so suggest getting married >She says yes! >Recently made some dollar on crypto 139 KB JPG >Offer to pay fully for the wedding >"Aww, love you hun, since you're paying let me do all the organising work so you don't have to worry about it" >Cool, transfer all the money to her account so she can get organising >We talk about the organisation asking me if I like certain things, food tastings etc. Standard wedding things >Breaks up with me 1 week before the wedding >Doesn't cancel wedding plans and marries someone else What the f--- can I do? I just paid for someone else's wedding to marry my f------ ex after 14 years ffs, never thought l'd be f------ cucked this bad this hard.

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Anon's "girlfriend" gets a boyfriend | /r/Greentext

You're a good man, charli(...).png L (559 KB, 318x827) google yandex iqdb wait Anonymous 08/28/21(Sat)23:54:07 No.65172248 v >>65172264 >>65172280 >>651722 >>65172296 >>65172345 >Have spent nearly $2,000 on a girl I met here >Random stuff from anime figures to sex toys >Did this mostly as "gifts" that I told her not to worry about paying me back, though she has sent me a couple of nude pics in return >I thought we were obviously dating, what with the i-love-you's and everything >Today she revealed to me that she's getting back with her ex-boyfriend >l said, "But I thought I was your boyfriend?" >She says, "Anon, you're my best friend in the whole world, I love you, but not like that" >"What about all that s--- l've bought you?" >"That's whatI love most about you, your gifts!" I think this is it. I think this is what l'll kill myself over.
You're a good man, charli(...).png L (559 KB, 318x827) google yandex iqdb wait Anonymous 08/28/21(Sat)23:54:07 No.65172248 v >>65172264 >>65172280 >>651722 >>65172296 >>65172345 >Have spent nearly $2,000 on a girl I met here >Random stuff from anime figures to sex toys >Did this mostly as "gifts" that I told her not to worry about paying me back, though she has sent me a couple of nude pics in return >I thought we were obviously dating, what with the i-love-you's and everything >Today she revealed to me that she's getting back with her ex-boyfriend >l said, "But I thought I was your boyfriend?" >She says, "Anon, you're my best friend in the whole world, I love you, but not like that" >"What about all that s--- l've bought you?" >"That's whatI love most about you, your gifts!" I think this is it. I think this is what l'll kill myself over.

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The Cheese Stands Alone | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/28/21(Sat)23:28:30 No.65173417 >wake up >try to fart >s--- the bed I F------ HATE LACTOSE INTOLERANCE I WISH I WAS DEAD 37 KB JPG
: Anonymous 08/28/21(Sat)23:28:30 No.65173417 >wake up >try to fart >s--- the bed I F------ HATE LACTOSE INTOLERANCE I WISH I WAS DEAD 37 KB JPG

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The Secret to Chadhood | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/28/21(Sat)17:30:19 No.2403215 Luchadores >get paid for training all day and beating other guys >fights are actually scripted and you act the fighting, low risk of being beaten up like in LUCHA LIBRE mma >get famous and get hundreds of latinas >why haven't you taken the luchapill yet? 25 KB JPG
: Anonymous 08/28/21(Sat)17:30:19 No.2403215 Luchadores >get paid for training all day and beating other guys >fights are actually scripted and you act the fighting, low risk of being beaten up like in LUCHA LIBRE mma >get famous and get hundreds of latinas >why haven't you taken the luchapill yet? 25 KB JPG

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anon gets a haircut | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/27/21(Fri)19:55:12 No.65157281 >finally muster the courage to get a haircut >lady cutting my hair was young girl my age with the whole indie look and her booba out with no bra 148 KB JPG >spend whole time full of anxiety trying to avoid her eyes and not look at her booba which were eye level f---, why do women dress like this. I felt like a moron the whole time . Like of course she was was cutting my hair so she saw my eyes flying all over the place trying no to look at her. Any similar experiences?
: Anonymous 08/27/21(Fri)19:55:12 No.65157281 >finally muster the courage to get a haircut >lady cutting my hair was young girl my age with the whole indie look and her booba out with no bra 148 KB JPG >spend whole time full of anxiety trying to avoid her eyes and not look at her booba which were eye level f---, why do women dress like this. I felt like a moron the whole time . Like of course she was was cutting my hair so she saw my eyes flying all over the place trying no to look at her. Any similar experiences?

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Anon makes a recommendation | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: rGdK4W5c ) 08/29/21(Sun)05:25:29 No.336671569 >be me, 26 >try noporn several times >fail every time after 3-21 days because it makes me feel like absolute s--- (anxiety, depression, limp d---, fatigue) >nopornisajudenmeme.bmp >fail to realize it is just withdrawal CLICK 312 KB JPG symptoms caused by years of bathing my brain in dopamine >try again and decide to push through this time >fail >try again >fail again >letsdothis.sat >1 month passes >withdrawal symptoms getting better >2 months in >social anxiety and depression GONE >better posture >better breath >yes read that again, BETTER BREATH >look people in the eyes while i talk with them >able to study longer and more efficiently >more confidence >able to lift more >desire to read increases >laugh about things that i usually don't find funny, more humorous in general >rock hard erections >girls start noticing me >automatically sorting myself out Jordan Peterson style without even actively trying >etc. etc. p--- is killing you anons, anyone who disagrees is a shill and/or a juden. Give NoPorn a try. 32 Replies / 9 Images View Thread
: Anonymous (ID: rGdK4W5c ) 08/29/21(Sun)05:25:29 No.336671569 >be me, 26 >try noporn several times >fail every time after 3-21 days because it makes me feel like absolute s--- (anxiety, depression, limp d---, fatigue) >nopornisajudenmeme.bmp >fail to realize it is just withdrawal CLICK 312 KB JPG symptoms caused by years of bathing my brain in dopamine >try again and decide to push through this time >fail >try again >fail again >letsdothis.sat >1 month passes >withdrawal symptoms getting better >2 months in >social anxiety and depression GONE >better posture >better breath >yes read that again, BETTER BREATH >look people in the eyes while i talk with them >able to study longer and more efficiently >more confidence >able to lift more >desire to read increases >laugh about things that i usually don't find funny, more humorous in general >rock hard erections >girls start noticing me >automatically sorting myself out Jordan Peterson style without even actively trying >etc. etc. p--- is killing you anons, anyone who disagrees is a shill and/or a juden. Give NoPorn a try. 32 Replies / 9 Images View Thread

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Anon is fat | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/29/21(Sun)07:40:28 No.65174832 >be me >Summer >FattyFatFuck.png >Go out for beer >Extra hot/humid that day >Leave in shame in less than an hour cause I was sweating buckets 31 KB JPG I'm literally stealing away the best years of my life cause I can't stop eating all the time. 2 Replies View Thread
: Anonymous 08/29/21(Sun)07:40:28 No.65174832 >be me >Summer >FattyFatFuck.png >Go out for beer >Extra hot/humid that day >Leave in shame in less than an hour cause I was sweating buckets 31 KB JPG I'm literally stealing away the best years of my life cause I can't stop eating all the time. 2 Replies View Thread

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Anon thinking of moving to usa | /r/Greentext

O N 36% O1 8:50 4G K/s Is moving to.. 四 ロ: Is moving to America a financially sound decision? No.248254776 hours ago PEPE (12).jpg JPG 8.7 KİB 245x206 >be southern europoor >met white west coast american girl online >decided to travel France and Spain together for 2 weeks >she tells me to come to America to live with her and eventually get married >l actually like very much >Both in our mid 20's She really sold me on the American dream lads. >She makes 9OK in the military >Her sister makes 170k as a chemist at some medical weed extraction plant >170k in Europe is not even an option >90k is extremely rare Meanwhile my Europoor ass is barely earning 10k as a PhD student in STEM. I have 0 debt, 30k cash, 2k stocks, 3k crypto and a bachelor's degree in STEM from a good British University. Do I drop out of the PhD to go to America? 20 replies No.24825478 6 hours ago No f--- that bitch. Tell her the importance of yor comitments and tell her you cant leave. 1 reply No 24825470 6 houre agn
O N 36% O1 8:50 4G K/s Is moving to.. 四 ロ: Is moving to America a financially sound decision? No.248254776 hours ago PEPE (12).jpg JPG 8.7 KİB 245x206 >be southern europoor >met white west coast american girl online >decided to travel France and Spain together for 2 weeks >she tells me to come to America to live with her and eventually get married >l actually like very much >Both in our mid 20's She really sold me on the American dream lads. >She makes 9OK in the military >Her sister makes 170k as a chemist at some medical weed extraction plant >170k in Europe is not even an option >90k is extremely rare Meanwhile my Europoor ass is barely earning 10k as a PhD student in STEM. I have 0 debt, 30k cash, 2k stocks, 3k crypto and a bachelor's degree in STEM from a good British University. Do I drop out of the PhD to go to America? 20 replies No.24825478 6 hours ago No f--- that bitch. Tell her the importance of yor comitments and tell her you cant leave. 1 reply No 24825470 6 houre agn

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Anon gets a massage | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/29/21(Sun)09:35:08 No.65174184 Went for massage yesterday lids, anyone who's ever been for one should relate >be in spa resort >robes, slippers, complimentary drinks etc >have full body massage booked >meet masseuse >3/10 little fat gremlin >oh well my eyes will be closed it's fine >get on the table, starkers under a towel >she starts rubbing my back and shoulders >all relaxed by now, thoughts drift to all the massage p--- ive watched >wishing by now this 6/10's hands will wander where they shouldnt >thinking only of bending that sexy 8/10 over this table and f------ her brains out >massage ends after 40 mins >get up and say our goodbyes >violently masturbate in the showers over this 10/10 qt3.14
: Anonymous 08/29/21(Sun)09:35:08 No.65174184 Went for massage yesterday lids, anyone who's ever been for one should relate >be in spa resort >robes, slippers, complimentary drinks etc >have full body massage booked >meet masseuse >3/10 little fat gremlin >oh well my eyes will be closed it's fine >get on the table, starkers under a towel >she starts rubbing my back and shoulders >all relaxed by now, thoughts drift to all the massage p--- ive watched >wishing by now this 6/10's hands will wander where they shouldnt >thinking only of bending that sexy 8/10 over this table and f------ her brains out >massage ends after 40 mins >get up and say our goodbyes >violently masturbate in the showers over this 10/10 qt3.14

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Anon is going places. He will be making a jump suit from dead hookers’ skin by age 18 | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: V+cdTMB1) 11/11/14(Tue)05:49:31 No.578820617 File: Screen Shot 2014-11-11 at(.).png (179 KB, 310x294) greentxt time > be me at age 8 > always hung out around woods by playground where i grew up > thought i was too cool for the playground > one day decide to "booby-trap" the playground's sandbox BA > dig 3' diameter hole to bottom of sand > gather epic trap supplies from woods > lay near perfectly-spaced grid of long, thin sticks on top of hole > weave giant fern leaves on top of sticks > delicately cover with sand again > mymasterpiece.jpg > hang out on swing, waiting for victims > get impatient and go home > go to playground next day > group of mom's circling my now broken trap > one of their young has fallen in. victory is mine > hear them say "a child couldn't have done this" > "must have been some loser teenagers" > realize i'm a god damn evil genius at the age of 8 > mfw
Anonymous (ID: V+cdTMB1) 11/11/14(Tue)05:49:31 No.578820617 File: Screen Shot 2014-11-11 at(.).png (179 KB, 310x294) greentxt time > be me at age 8 > always hung out around woods by playground where i grew up > thought i was too cool for the playground > one day decide to "booby-trap" the playground's sandbox BA > dig 3' diameter hole to bottom of sand > gather epic trap supplies from woods > lay near perfectly-spaced grid of long, thin sticks on top of hole > weave giant fern leaves on top of sticks > delicately cover with sand again > mymasterpiece.jpg > hang out on swing, waiting for victims > get impatient and go home > go to playground next day > group of mom's circling my now broken trap > one of their young has fallen in. victory is mine > hear them say "a child couldn't have done this" > "must have been some loser teenagers" > realize i'm a god damn evil genius at the age of 8 > mfw

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Anon hits a girl | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/17/18(Sat)18:17:01 No.49343343 >3rd grade >grew up with dad, had an absentee mom >Told me to hit people back if they hit me first, didn't tell me it doesn't here we go apply to girls >in class, a roastie talks s--- to me 34 KB JPG for no reason >politely told her to stop, kept talking s---. >she eventually shoves me >whothefuckisthisbitch >slam one on her face >flies across the room, knocked unconscious with her skull cracked and starting to bleed >class runs away in fear of me >principal comes down >screams at me and calls the cops >got fired later that day >f---
: Anonymous 11/17/18(Sat)18:17:01 No.49343343 >3rd grade >grew up with dad, had an absentee mom >Told me to hit people back if they hit me first, didn't tell me it doesn't here we go apply to girls >in class, a roastie talks s--- to me 34 KB JPG for no reason >politely told her to stop, kept talking s---. >she eventually shoves me >whothefuckisthisbitch >slam one on her face >flies across the room, knocked unconscious with her skull cracked and starting to bleed >class runs away in fear of me >principal comes down >screams at me and calls the cops >got fired later that day >f---

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suspicious circumstances | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/26/21(Thu)20:39:33 No.155481485 file.png 1.04 MB PNG >peter Parker turns evil >suddenly says "shalom" when answering the phone Unironically for real no bullshitting actual question legitimately what the absolute f--- did Raimi mean by this?
: Anonymous 08/26/21(Thu)20:39:33 No.155481485 file.png 1.04 MB PNG >peter Parker turns evil >suddenly says "shalom" when answering the phone Unironically for real no bullshitting actual question legitimately what the absolute f--- did Raimi mean by this?

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Anon has a cousin | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/29/21(Sun)06:43:28 No.65174510 WANT A BREAK FROM THE ADS? >cousins are staying over till the end of August >last night I was up browsing /v/ until 3 AM >have to powder my nose (take a gigantic f------ piss) >the door to the bathroom is WATCH THIS SHORT VIDEO TO RECEIVE 30 MINUTES OF AD-FREE MUSIC 487 KB JPG closed and the lights are off >can clearly hear one of my cousins fapping, softly moaning, sniffing, etc. in there, based on the noises he was making, had to be my second youngest cousin, 17 >tiptoe back to my room and hold my gigantic f------ piss till he's done >hear shuffling, a door slowly opening, quiet footsteps, then a door slowly closing >go into the bathroom go take my gigantic f------ piss >take the best most relieving piss ever >i leave and see something stuffed behind the door >it's my boxers that I definitely threw in the hamper beforeI went to bed that night >remember that I also lost a worn plain white pajama shirt the week before >make the connection that 1) my cousin is gay and 2) he's sniffing my clothes and getting off to it I am now having gay, incestuous thoughts about my cousin even though I have never had a gay or incestuous thought in my entire life. This is f----- up
: Anonymous 08/29/21(Sun)06:43:28 No.65174510 WANT A BREAK FROM THE ADS? >cousins are staying over till the end of August >last night I was up browsing /v/ until 3 AM >have to powder my nose (take a gigantic f------ piss) >the door to the bathroom is WATCH THIS SHORT VIDEO TO RECEIVE 30 MINUTES OF AD-FREE MUSIC 487 KB JPG closed and the lights are off >can clearly hear one of my cousins fapping, softly moaning, sniffing, etc. in there, based on the noises he was making, had to be my second youngest cousin, 17 >tiptoe back to my room and hold my gigantic f------ piss till he's done >hear shuffling, a door slowly opening, quiet footsteps, then a door slowly closing >go into the bathroom go take my gigantic f------ piss >take the best most relieving piss ever >i leave and see something stuffed behind the door >it's my boxers that I definitely threw in the hamper beforeI went to bed that night >remember that I also lost a worn plain white pajama shirt the week before >make the connection that 1) my cousin is gay and 2) he's sniffing my clothes and getting off to it I am now having gay, incestuous thoughts about my cousin even though I have never had a gay or incestuous thought in my entire life. This is f----- up

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Princess and the Frog | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous ] 08/25/21(Wed)17:23:19 No.150743195 >eating outside >there's a stunningly beautiful waitress >have trouble looking her in the eyes because you're so out of her league you feel like a subhuman in 56 KB PNG front of her does this happen in your country
: Anonymous ] 08/25/21(Wed)17:23:19 No.150743195 >eating outside >there's a stunningly beautiful waitress >have trouble looking her in the eyes because you're so out of her league you feel like a subhuman in 56 KB PNG front of her does this happen in your country

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Anon tries to forget | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/29/21(Sun)16:36:53 No.862021259 Sex fail story times guys, l'll start >be me, 10/11yo at this time >My parents live in the countryside, so lots of these s----- huge spiders, not the daddy long legs, but the dreadful ones >My brother and his soon-to-be 71 KB JPG wife are invited to come over for the holidays >In the middle of the night, I hear a loud scream coming from their room, wich is the opposite side of the house from me >l think it's one of those spiders, so I grab a slipper and run downstairs, ready to smash the beast >l open the door > My brother and his wife, in missionary under the blankets, both astonished to see me >My brother looks at me dead in the eyes >"Sorry bro, I heard a scream and I thought it was a spider" >"Get out anon, I'll take care of it" >I get out and go take a glass of lemonade >mfw I sip the lemonade trying to forget >mf I'm typing this text a decade after, still trying to forget
: Anonymous 08/29/21(Sun)16:36:53 No.862021259 Sex fail story times guys, l'll start >be me, 10/11yo at this time >My parents live in the countryside, so lots of these s----- huge spiders, not the daddy long legs, but the dreadful ones >My brother and his soon-to-be 71 KB JPG wife are invited to come over for the holidays >In the middle of the night, I hear a loud scream coming from their room, wich is the opposite side of the house from me >l think it's one of those spiders, so I grab a slipper and run downstairs, ready to smash the beast >l open the door > My brother and his wife, in missionary under the blankets, both astonished to see me >My brother looks at me dead in the eyes >"Sorry bro, I heard a scream and I thought it was a spider" >"Get out anon, I'll take care of it" >I get out and go take a glass of lemonade >mfw I sip the lemonade trying to forget >mf I'm typing this text a decade after, still trying to forget

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Anon is asianon | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/29/21(Sun)06:03:38 No.65174326 What really f----- you up? 934 KB JPG 35 Replies / 11 Images View Thread : Anonymous 08/29/21(Sun)09:24:08 No.65175497 >rich parents with insane expectations >touch straved since birth No >never heard "i love you" >parents beat me when i fail >sexually abused by babysitter >bullied during middle school >barely socialize during high school trying to please make the happy chemical 226 KB JPG make my parents happy >play 4 sports, piano, get a 4.1 gpa, 34 on ACT >parents call me a failure at my graduation >join military to get away and restart >still a khhv with no "real" friends at 21 yall would probably call me a normalfag if you saw me in public 6ft/white/very fit/social but i feel like a ghost, i struggle to relate with these people. I only come here so i can stop feeling so alone.
: Anonymous 08/29/21(Sun)06:03:38 No.65174326 What really f----- you up? 934 KB JPG 35 Replies / 11 Images View Thread : Anonymous 08/29/21(Sun)09:24:08 No.65175497 >rich parents with insane expectations >touch straved since birth No >never heard "i love you" >parents beat me when i fail >sexually abused by babysitter >bullied during middle school >barely socialize during high school trying to please make the happy chemical 226 KB JPG make my parents happy >play 4 sports, piano, get a 4.1 gpa, 34 on ACT >parents call me a failure at my graduation >join military to get away and restart >still a khhv with no "real" friends at 21 yall would probably call me a normalfag if you saw me in public 6ft/white/very fit/social but i feel like a ghost, i struggle to relate with these people. I only come here so i can stop feeling so alone.

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Anon has a gf | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/29/21(Sun)00:54:07 No.65172248 >Have spent nearly $2,000 on a girl I met here >Random stuff from anime figures to sex toys >Did this mostly as "gifts" that I told her not to worry about paying me back, though she has sent me a couple of nude pics in return >I thought we were obviously dating, what with the 559 KB PNG i-love-you's and everything >Today she revealed to me that she's getting back with her ex-boyfriend >I said, "But I thought I was your boyfriend?" >She says, "Anon, you're my best friend in the whole world,I love you, but not like that" >"What about all that s--- I've bought you?" >"That's what I love most about you, your gifts!" | I think this is it. I think this is what l'll kill myself over. 94 Replies / 6 Images View Thread
: Anonymous 08/29/21(Sun)00:54:07 No.65172248 >Have spent nearly $2,000 on a girl I met here >Random stuff from anime figures to sex toys >Did this mostly as "gifts" that I told her not to worry about paying me back, though she has sent me a couple of nude pics in return >I thought we were obviously dating, what with the 559 KB PNG i-love-you's and everything >Today she revealed to me that she's getting back with her ex-boyfriend >I said, "But I thought I was your boyfriend?" >She says, "Anon, you're my best friend in the whole world,I love you, but not like that" >"What about all that s--- I've bought you?" >"That's what I love most about you, your gifts!" | I think this is it. I think this is what l'll kill myself over. 94 Replies / 6 Images View Thread

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oh boy SEE | /r/Greentext

N 4G 4:25 PM 38% Board /k/ - Weapons Settings Home >See's my sister getting ready >"going out?" >"Yeah, the Bae is coming to get me" (she f------ used Bae.) >"Oh i'd love to meet him, have him come in!" >sister brings bf in our house >my dad pretended he was in the bathroom. >he was in fact, slipping into something more comfortable >he walks out with my mom's bathrobe (giant fluffy white collar, about 3 feet to short for him.) >his speedo on. The speedo he never wore because it was way to tight, yet he saved it, just for this moment. >walks out >"OH YOU MUST BE JUSTIN" >reaches out for a handshake >kid grabs his hand >dad yanks him over and bear hugs him >"Ohhhh your hair smells nice, what is that? O'ley?" >kid is horrified >"uhhhh...no...uhhh...c-can we go babe? we might be late" >they leave >my dad just looks over and says "Do you think that was legal? My balls are hanging out." Best dad ever.
N 4G 4:25 PM 38% Board /k/ - Weapons Settings Home >See's my sister getting ready >"going out?" >"Yeah, the Bae is coming to get me" (she f------ used Bae.) >"Oh i'd love to meet him, have him come in!" >sister brings bf in our house >my dad pretended he was in the bathroom. >he was in fact, slipping into something more comfortable >he walks out with my mom's bathrobe (giant fluffy white collar, about 3 feet to short for him.) >his speedo on. The speedo he never wore because it was way to tight, yet he saved it, just for this moment. >walks out >"OH YOU MUST BE JUSTIN" >reaches out for a handshake >kid grabs his hand >dad yanks him over and bear hugs him >"Ohhhh your hair smells nice, what is that? O'ley?" >kid is horrified >"uhhhh...no...uhhh...c-can we go babe? we might be late" >they leave >my dad just looks over and says "Do you think that was legal? My balls are hanging out." Best dad ever.

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: Anonymous 03/21/19(Thu)22:31:43 No.51572664 >fell for the throw your s--- in the attic meme >tfw parents are p-----, the damage costs a fortune to fix, and the smell isn't going away 71 KB JPG My parents are thinking of kicking me out. I'm seriously scared. : Anonymous 03/21/19(Thu)22:33:08 No.51572686 >>51572664 (OP) # ...what are you talking about? what meme? >>51572723 # Anonymous 03/21/19(Thu)22:35:37 No.51572723 >>51572686 # So you don't have to leave your room to s---, and so you don'thave to go in jugs, you can throw it in the attic. I have a little trap door to the attic in my closet. I threw my s--- up in there and you said squirrels will carry it away but they haven't it just builds up and damages the house.
: Anonymous 03/21/19(Thu)22:31:43 No.51572664 >fell for the throw your s--- in the attic meme >tfw parents are p-----, the damage costs a fortune to fix, and the smell isn't going away 71 KB JPG My parents are thinking of kicking me out. I'm seriously scared. : Anonymous 03/21/19(Thu)22:33:08 No.51572686 >>51572664 (OP) # ...what are you talking about? what meme? >>51572723 # Anonymous 03/21/19(Thu)22:35:37 No.51572723 >>51572686 # So you don't have to leave your room to s---, and so you don'thave to go in jugs, you can throw it in the attic. I have a little trap door to the attic in my closet. I threw my s--- up in there and you said squirrels will carry it away but they haven't it just builds up and damages the house.

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