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Anon tries to be a chad | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 697474857 20 min. ago alright guys this is it i'm officially retarded > be me > 22 years old f----- > in town for some reason > hungry as f--- so i decide to eat some subway > take doritos bag with it because why the f--- not > finish sandwich, not hungry anymore > feelsgood.jpeg > put doritos bag in my backpack and take the bus back home > meet some girl in the bus who was in highschool with me, but probably don't remember me > solid 8/10 > make eye contact, sit in front of her > pushes back against the seat like a comfortable badass i tried to pretend i am > doritos bag explodes under the pressure > loud as f--- explosion > everyone looks at me > looks girl straight in the eye and says allahu akbar > mfw when she will now forever remember me as the retarded doritos terrorist
Anonymous 697474857 20 min. ago alright guys this is it i'm officially retarded > be me > 22 years old f----- > in town for some reason > hungry as f--- so i decide to eat some subway > take doritos bag with it because why the f--- not > finish sandwich, not hungry anymore > feelsgood.jpeg > put doritos bag in my backpack and take the bus back home > meet some girl in the bus who was in highschool with me, but probably don't remember me > solid 8/10 > make eye contact, sit in front of her > pushes back against the seat like a comfortable badass i tried to pretend i am > doritos bag explodes under the pressure > loud as f--- explosion > everyone looks at me > looks girl straight in the eye and says allahu akbar > mfw when she will now forever remember me as the retarded doritos terrorist

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Anon is dating a girl | /r/Greentext

Dating a leftist girl SFA gun No.25135371 October 20 p---- from a gird who keeps a day planner My girlfriend is an sjw type leftist and it's been causing a lot of problems in our relationship. For the record, l'm not a Republican, I voted for Biden. But the stuff she does it completely out of control. For example: there's a local sandwich shop in my town that I really like, it's owned by a black husband and wife. My girlfriend yelled at me for "visiting without explicitly wearing something or otherwise identifying myself as an anti-oppressor" and that it could be "aggressive" have black people prepare me food because of the legacy of slavery. In her eyes, l'd have to wear some BLM apparel or something for it to be okay to order a sandwich from these people. ..yeah. batshit insane. I'm aware. Is there anything I can do? I don't want to "convert" her or anything, I just want us to agree to disagree. Is that remotely possible for a girl this far crazy? 7 replies
Dating a leftist girl SFA gun No.25135371 October 20 p---- from a gird who keeps a day planner My girlfriend is an sjw type leftist and it's been causing a lot of problems in our relationship. For the record, l'm not a Republican, I voted for Biden. But the stuff she does it completely out of control. For example: there's a local sandwich shop in my town that I really like, it's owned by a black husband and wife. My girlfriend yelled at me for "visiting without explicitly wearing something or otherwise identifying myself as an anti-oppressor" and that it could be "aggressive" have black people prepare me food because of the legacy of slavery. In her eyes, l'd have to wear some BLM apparel or something for it to be okay to order a sandwich from these people. ..yeah. batshit insane. I'm aware. Is there anything I can do? I don't want to "convert" her or anything, I just want us to agree to disagree. Is that remotely possible for a girl this far crazy? 7 replies

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Anon is autistic still | /r/Greentext

Retarded stories thread. >Be me >17at the time >really into tf2 trading >unboxed first unusual >retard sends low ball offer >refuse to sell it to him for 28 keys pure >"-rep probably autistic" >the quote above is spammed on my steam account >w-- >get banned from Vatican unusual trade because all the negative rep. >I still have the hat though >worth 300 keys now. >still autistic though
Retarded stories thread. >Be me >17at the time >really into tf2 trading >unboxed first unusual >retard sends low ball offer >refuse to sell it to him for 28 keys pure >"-rep probably autistic" >the quote above is spammed on my steam account >w-- >get banned from Vatican unusual trade because all the negative rep. >I still have the hat though >worth 300 keys now. >still autistic though

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Anon is a retard | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/15/21(Mon)18:33:57 No.866759290 Jesus: You see that man over there? He's a >Will be found innocent on all p---. That guy over there, he beats his girl. This other kid is not a medic he's a burglar. >The one charge he is unequivocally guilty of (illegal possession of a deadly weapon) thrown out by the judge because he is obviously biased JESUS SAVES >Prosecution is too retarded or doesn't 151 KB JPG care >Kangaroo court >Kyle will make millions on having a book ghostwritten, commissioned appearances fees at hog events, and other ventures shilling to conservations. So I guess the moral here is that if you travel to a BLM protest deliberately armed to score legal kills in a purple or red states you get rewarded. With the way things are playing out this was the best thing Kyle could've done for his future. Very cool. 72 Replies / 9 Images View Thread
: Anonymous 11/15/21(Mon)18:33:57 No.866759290 Jesus: You see that man over there? He's a >Will be found innocent on all p---. That guy over there, he beats his girl. This other kid is not a medic he's a burglar. >The one charge he is unequivocally guilty of (illegal possession of a deadly weapon) thrown out by the judge because he is obviously biased JESUS SAVES >Prosecution is too retarded or doesn't 151 KB JPG care >Kangaroo court >Kyle will make millions on having a book ghostwritten, commissioned appearances fees at hog events, and other ventures shilling to conservations. So I guess the moral here is that if you travel to a BLM protest deliberately armed to score legal kills in a purple or red states you get rewarded. With the way things are playing out this was the best thing Kyle could've done for his future. Very cool. 72 Replies / 9 Images View Thread

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Anon got mugged by girls | /r/Greentext

Anonymous No.619019470 21 minutes ago >16 years old >walking to the bus stop to go to school >group of girls walking behind me >hear one say "you dare me?" >the other one say "I double dare you" >This bitch blindsides me and swings her fist into my temple from behind >Thatfuckishappening.jpg >l fall face first into concrete >the other two laugh as my nose bleed >get up >she got all up in my face, shoved me and yelled, "Whatchu gonna do about it, f-----? Hit a girl?" >Dont tempt me bitch >slammed my palm into her face and knocked her the f--- out >mfw they call me a monster >mfw they sream women beater What do you guys think of girls using their gender to protect themselves 5 replies
Anonymous No.619019470 21 minutes ago >16 years old >walking to the bus stop to go to school >group of girls walking behind me >hear one say "you dare me?" >the other one say "I double dare you" >This bitch blindsides me and swings her fist into my temple from behind >Thatfuckishappening.jpg >l fall face first into concrete >the other two laugh as my nose bleed >get up >she got all up in my face, shoved me and yelled, "Whatchu gonna do about it, f-----? Hit a girl?" >Dont tempt me bitch >slammed my palm into her face and knocked her the f--- out >mfw they call me a monster >mfw they sream women beater What do you guys think of girls using their gender to protect themselves 5 replies

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Anon played himself | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/15/21(Mon)22:42:53 No.66172394 >go to sex shop >approach attendant (female) >clears throath >Could you give me some sex, please? >l'm in the sex offender registry 771 KB GIF now >Mfw
: Anonymous 11/15/21(Mon)22:42:53 No.66172394 >go to sex shop >approach attendant (female) >clears throath >Could you give me some sex, please? >l'm in the sex offender registry 771 KB GIF now >Mfw

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Anon has a plan | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/15/21(Mon)12:12:46 No.866742109 >cuddling with gf >she is half sleep >suddently release a fat >IM SORRY, IM SORRY, IM SORRY ANON!!!! IM SO ASHAMED >the smell is the most delicious 29 KB JPG scent ive ever sniffed >feign like i don't care to reassure her that she is still sexy for me >secretly get addicted to her farts >lve always thought that cooking is for women and f------ but learn to do it anyway because i wsnted to cook things that will make her have delicious farts for me to sniff >she doesn't suspect a thing when i often press her tummy while cuddling to force her to fart keikaku.exe Anons i'm in love, i don't think i could ever belong to any other woman, her farts are amazing, my favorites are the ones that smell like Lasagna, i get super aroused when i think that such wonderful smell came from her pink anus, i love her pale ass so much.
: Anonymous 11/15/21(Mon)12:12:46 No.866742109 >cuddling with gf >she is half sleep >suddently release a fat >IM SORRY, IM SORRY, IM SORRY ANON!!!! IM SO ASHAMED >the smell is the most delicious 29 KB JPG scent ive ever sniffed >feign like i don't care to reassure her that she is still sexy for me >secretly get addicted to her farts >lve always thought that cooking is for women and f------ but learn to do it anyway because i wsnted to cook things that will make her have delicious farts for me to sniff >she doesn't suspect a thing when i often press her tummy while cuddling to force her to fart keikaku.exe Anons i'm in love, i don't think i could ever belong to any other woman, her farts are amazing, my favorites are the ones that smell like Lasagna, i get super aroused when i think that such wonderful smell came from her pink anus, i love her pale ass so much.

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Don't dream it | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/15/21(Mon)05:33:14 No.866742632 >be me >baked >invent a new social media >it is a media unlike no other >РеpеBook >Instead of "friending" you draw a 32 KB JPG pepe on each other's "wall" >PepeBook m------------
: Anonymous 11/15/21(Mon)05:33:14 No.866742632 >be me >baked >invent a new social media >it is a media unlike no other >РеpеBook >Instead of "friending" you draw a 32 KB JPG pepe on each other's "wall" >PepeBook m------------

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We’re falling apart to half time | /r/Greentext


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Anon blackmails his mom | /r/Greentext


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Anon is the hero we deserved | /r/Greentext


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Anon fucks up no | /r/Greentext


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Hey hey hey | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Agony 11/15/21 (Mon)09:43:15 No.66168889 >be me >live with parents >crossdress whenever parents are gone >nothing sexual, just wearing dresses around the house while doing s--- >parents leave for groceries 24 KB JPG >dress time >start dusting living room >autism kicks in, and begin doing s----- Fat Albert impression >start saying s--- like "hey hey hey, Im Fat Albert, I havent paid my taxes since 1974" >parents get home early >l dont notice >"anon, we re-" >sees me in dress, talking to myself about tax evasion as fat albert >slowly shuts the door >hear car starting, drive away They came back an hour later. We never spoke of it again
: Anonymous Agony 11/15/21 (Mon)09:43:15 No.66168889 >be me >live with parents >crossdress whenever parents are gone >nothing sexual, just wearing dresses around the house while doing s--- >parents leave for groceries 24 KB JPG >dress time >start dusting living room >autism kicks in, and begin doing s----- Fat Albert impression >start saying s--- like "hey hey hey, Im Fat Albert, I havent paid my taxes since 1974" >parents get home early >l dont notice >"anon, we re-" >sees me in dress, talking to myself about tax evasion as fat albert >slowly shuts the door >hear car starting, drive away They came back an hour later. We never spoke of it again

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Anon likes Rap | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/14/21(Sun)05:11:56 No.66153586 >parents are fighting >me: somehow misinterpret this as a rap battle, and bust through the door beat boxing FRAGIL 50 KB JPG
: Anonymous 11/14/21(Sun)05:11:56 No.66153586 >parents are fighting >me: somehow misinterpret this as a rap battle, and bust through the door beat boxing FRAGIL 50 KB JPG

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Death by snu snu | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/15/21(Mon)09:22:19 No.866748419 >Be me >Have wife with giant t--- (were talking like 36K) and a dump truck ass. >Sex is amazing >Always want her to try being on top but she's too shy/timid 48 KB JPG >One night after 3 years of marriage she climbs on top of me while we're doing foreplay >Starts riding me and then lays forward smothering me with her huge t---. >It's even hotter than I ever imagined >l finish quickly but she keeps going >Getting harder to breathe >About to pass out but don't want her to be scared of getting on top again so I let her keep going >Just before I succumb to the abyss she moans and raises up before getting off of me >Says it was the best sex we ever had >mfw I want her to try sitting on my face next So l'm confounded on whether I should just accept possible death by snu snu or if I should tell my wife I almost passed out and potentially make her too afraid to try being on top again? Any thoughts /b/ros? : Anonymous 11/15/21(Mon)09:23:27 No.866748456 >>866748419 (OP) # Is there a better way to Die?
: Anonymous 11/15/21(Mon)09:22:19 No.866748419 >Be me >Have wife with giant t--- (were talking like 36K) and a dump truck ass. >Sex is amazing >Always want her to try being on top but she's too shy/timid 48 KB JPG >One night after 3 years of marriage she climbs on top of me while we're doing foreplay >Starts riding me and then lays forward smothering me with her huge t---. >It's even hotter than I ever imagined >l finish quickly but she keeps going >Getting harder to breathe >About to pass out but don't want her to be scared of getting on top again so I let her keep going >Just before I succumb to the abyss she moans and raises up before getting off of me >Says it was the best sex we ever had >mfw I want her to try sitting on my face next So l'm confounded on whether I should just accept possible death by snu snu or if I should tell my wife I almost passed out and potentially make her too afraid to try being on top again? Any thoughts /b/ros? : Anonymous 11/15/21(Mon)09:23:27 No.866748456 >>866748419 (OP) # Is there a better way to Die?

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Anon is visited by a brat | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/08/19(Mon)22:42:06 No.53278990 What is the brattiest thing you've seen a kid do? >be me >family friends are visiting >family friends have a kid >kid will be referred to as little s--- 44 KB JPG >little s--- has a habit of breaking things when he doesn't get his way >little s--- asks if he can play with a foam sword >l don't want to risk him breaking s--- so I say yes but to be careful >little s--- picks up sword >s--- you not little s--- goes up to my moms lamp and takes a full f------ swing at it >lamp shatters >OHFUCK.jpeg >little s--- puts down foam sword >little s---- mom comes downstairs >she asks "what happened" >little s--- points at me and says "Anon did it" >the mom doesn't buy it and takes him upstairs to scold him >mfw little s--- tried to set me up >mfw it didn't work This is why I hate kids
: Anonymous 07/08/19(Mon)22:42:06 No.53278990 What is the brattiest thing you've seen a kid do? >be me >family friends are visiting >family friends have a kid >kid will be referred to as little s--- 44 KB JPG >little s--- has a habit of breaking things when he doesn't get his way >little s--- asks if he can play with a foam sword >l don't want to risk him breaking s--- so I say yes but to be careful >little s--- picks up sword >s--- you not little s--- goes up to my moms lamp and takes a full f------ swing at it >lamp shatters >OHFUCK.jpeg >little s--- puts down foam sword >little s---- mom comes downstairs >she asks "what happened" >little s--- points at me and says "Anon did it" >the mom doesn't buy it and takes him upstairs to scold him >mfw little s--- tried to set me up >mfw it didn't work This is why I hate kids

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