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Anon is a wholesome guy | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/18/20(Wed)23:20:49 No.840387190 Be prepared guys, this is a true story >be me >have qt girlfriend (I really have one) >she's a diagnosed autist 39 KB JPG >she's always amazed by me being able to give her the perfect gift every time she has birthday/it's Christmas ... >truth is it's so f------ easy to question her what she wants and she doesn't realize that I'm doing it >she's absolutely not able to read my intentions when questioning, because autism >one or two weeks before birthday I'm literally asking stuff like "are there any new books/games you'd like to have“ or "you told me about... you liked so much, can you show me where you've seen it“ >it's so easy to make her happy >I love her
: Anonymous 11/18/20(Wed)23:20:49 No.840387190 Be prepared guys, this is a true story >be me >have qt girlfriend (I really have one) >she's a diagnosed autist 39 KB JPG >she's always amazed by me being able to give her the perfect gift every time she has birthday/it's Christmas ... >truth is it's so f------ easy to question her what she wants and she doesn't realize that I'm doing it >she's absolutely not able to read my intentions when questioning, because autism >one or two weeks before birthday I'm literally asking stuff like "are there any new books/games you'd like to have“ or "you told me about... you liked so much, can you show me where you've seen it“ >it's so easy to make her happy >I love her

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Shot to the heart | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Austism/spaghetti stories 11/04/21(Thu)03:39:18 No.66018657 >Be me, 12yos >Full blown aspie wihose target obsession is anything to do with firearms and military history >Didnt play any sport and couldnt converse socialise with anyone about anything not related to the 427 KB JPG military >Hated by everyone in class >Go to Fort Ticonderoga for a school excursion >Renactors posing as French Marines come out and demonstrate how to fire and load a musket >l blurt out 'l can do that' like a retard >Dude invites me up to demonstrate >Believes his going to guide me through it >Have never touched or fired a muzzle loading weapon in my life >He passes me the dummy powder cartridge and says 'LOAD!" >As he then proceds to guise me through the step I have already half cocked the hammer, cleared the pan, bitten off the top of the cratridge and filled the pan and locked the striker >I then proceed to pour the powder down the barrel and draw the ram rod and ram it down >At this point hes stopped talking and people are now dead silent >I put the musket up to my shoulder, c--- it and fire it >"I need more powder!" I scream >he passed me another cartidge, repeat >"Another one please" >Repeat, musket go boom >Fired through shots in 58 seconds without a misfire in front of my whole class and about 50 civilians >Guy asks if ive ever done that before >"Nope" >Hes clearly impressed and shocked (cont) : Anonymous 11/04/21(Thu)03:41:56 No.66018677 >Girl sreams from crowd "This is why we hate you anon" >And people from class laugh >Teacher does nothing >I walk back into the group and class mates snigger at me >Get back to school and find out ym teacher called my parents and told them what happened >Was ordered to go to a pysch and was diagnosed with full blown autism proper >Now on my record and have to attend counselling sessions for years and years >As a result couldnt join the Army when I left school which is all I wanted to do >Now 32, unemployed and still living with parents. >Have never had a job, sex or a friend. Why cant society just let us be?
: Anonymous Austism/spaghetti stories 11/04/21(Thu)03:39:18 No.66018657 >Be me, 12yos >Full blown aspie wihose target obsession is anything to do with firearms and military history >Didnt play any sport and couldnt converse socialise with anyone about anything not related to the 427 KB JPG military >Hated by everyone in class >Go to Fort Ticonderoga for a school excursion >Renactors posing as French Marines come out and demonstrate how to fire and load a musket >l blurt out 'l can do that' like a retard >Dude invites me up to demonstrate >Believes his going to guide me through it >Have never touched or fired a muzzle loading weapon in my life >He passes me the dummy powder cartridge and says 'LOAD!" >As he then proceds to guise me through the step I have already half cocked the hammer, cleared the pan, bitten off the top of the cratridge and filled the pan and locked the striker >I then proceed to pour the powder down the barrel and draw the ram rod and ram it down >At this point hes stopped talking and people are now dead silent >I put the musket up to my shoulder, c--- it and fire it >"I need more powder!" I scream >he passed me another cartidge, repeat >"Another one please" >Repeat, musket go boom >Fired through shots in 58 seconds without a misfire in front of my whole class and about 50 civilians >Guy asks if ive ever done that before >"Nope" >Hes clearly impressed and shocked (cont) : Anonymous 11/04/21(Thu)03:41:56 No.66018677 >Girl sreams from crowd "This is why we hate you anon" >And people from class laugh >Teacher does nothing >I walk back into the group and class mates snigger at me >Get back to school and find out ym teacher called my parents and told them what happened >Was ordered to go to a pysch and was diagnosed with full blown autism proper >Now on my record and have to attend counselling sessions for years and years >As a result couldnt join the Army when I left school which is all I wanted to do >Now 32, unemployed and still living with parents. >Have never had a job, sex or a friend. Why cant society just let us be?

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S-s-shapiro senpai UwU | /r/Greentext

File: Spoiler Image (11 KB, 315x216) Anonymous 09/17/18(Mon)18:44:05 No.48188606 >>48188660 > go to new school > there's a qt 3.14; 10/10 in my class > too shy to talk to her > after weeks of mental preparation I decide to try and strike up a convo > go up to her after class > she doesn't tell me to f--- off > our conversation is actually going nicely > ok no, this is too good to be true, isn't it? > "So, Anon, would you like to go and talk some more at my house this evening?" > h-------- what > "W-well, I'm free, so, uhhh, yeah, that would be nice" > have to hold myself back from screaming from excitement > ffw to evening > arrive at her house > she looks amazing > we start to talk for a little bit > I'm in love > this girl is so f------ perfect > after some time, I ask her what country she would like to visit the most > "I think Sweden" > "But it's socialist" | say, jokingly > "I knowl That's why it's so amazing! > oh no >I know what's gonna happen now > the ground begins to shake > we can hear something approaching her house really fast > suddenly, one of the windows breaks > Ben Shapiro flies in and kicks her in the head > she starts screaming > Ben grabs her and throws her at the wall with incredible strength > she dies on impact >I stand there in shock > Ben Shapiro turns to me and gives me the look from pic related > "Another libtard pwned" >I c-- in my pants > that's the last time I saw him
File: Spoiler Image (11 KB, 315x216) Anonymous 09/17/18(Mon)18:44:05 No.48188606 >>48188660 > go to new school > there's a qt 3.14; 10/10 in my class > too shy to talk to her > after weeks of mental preparation I decide to try and strike up a convo > go up to her after class > she doesn't tell me to f--- off > our conversation is actually going nicely > ok no, this is too good to be true, isn't it? > "So, Anon, would you like to go and talk some more at my house this evening?" > h-------- what > "W-well, I'm free, so, uhhh, yeah, that would be nice" > have to hold myself back from screaming from excitement > ffw to evening > arrive at her house > she looks amazing > we start to talk for a little bit > I'm in love > this girl is so f------ perfect > after some time, I ask her what country she would like to visit the most > "I think Sweden" > "But it's socialist" | say, jokingly > "I knowl That's why it's so amazing! > oh no >I know what's gonna happen now > the ground begins to shake > we can hear something approaching her house really fast > suddenly, one of the windows breaks > Ben Shapiro flies in and kicks her in the head > she starts screaming > Ben grabs her and throws her at the wall with incredible strength > she dies on impact >I stand there in shock > Ben Shapiro turns to me and gives me the look from pic related > "Another libtard pwned" >I c-- in my pants > that's the last time I saw him

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fatty chair at the drive-thru | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 01/06/14(Mon)02:47:34 UTC-7 No.525433702 >Wendy's >Working drive-thru >Woman in fatty chair comes through >She pays and gets her food >Her hover round dies in the drive-thru >She can't move, can't get up to move it >Literally stuck and unable to move >Some guy gets out of his car to push her out of the way >Chair won't budge >She gets pissy >Yells at the guy to get into his car and bump her with his car to move her >He says no >End up calling 911 >10 minutes later >They move her and ask why she didn't go inside. Dangerous to use a scooter in a drive-thru >"The door doesn't accommodate my size." >She ordered a triple Baconator >Diet Coke
Anonymous 01/06/14(Mon)02:47:34 UTC-7 No.525433702 >Wendy's >Working drive-thru >Woman in fatty chair comes through >She pays and gets her food >Her hover round dies in the drive-thru >She can't move, can't get up to move it >Literally stuck and unable to move >Some guy gets out of his car to push her out of the way >Chair won't budge >She gets pissy >Yells at the guy to get into his car and bump her with his car to move her >He says no >End up calling 911 >10 minutes later >They move her and ask why she didn't go inside. Dangerous to use a scooter in a drive-thru >"The door doesn't accommodate my size." >She ordered a triple Baconator >Diet Coke

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One way or another | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/03/21(Wed)20:33:19 No.66015255 >be me, op, years ago >think I'm straight >see p---- for the first time in anatomy class >"lol that's gross" >think nothing of it >years later, fantasize about sucking 7 KB JPG c--- and getting railed >oh s--- I might be gay >be me, yesterday >see muscular woman on /fit/ >dicktwitch.jpg What gives? I sill think p---- is gross and I don't want to top, but why would this happen? Did /fit/ turn me straight? : Anonymous 11/03/21(Wed)20:35:09 No.66015267 you're bi, congrats >>66015302 #
: Anonymous 11/03/21(Wed)20:33:19 No.66015255 >be me, op, years ago >think I'm straight >see p---- for the first time in anatomy class >"lol that's gross" >think nothing of it >years later, fantasize about sucking 7 KB JPG c--- and getting railed >oh s--- I might be gay >be me, yesterday >see muscular woman on /fit/ >dicktwitch.jpg What gives? I sill think p---- is gross and I don't want to top, but why would this happen? Did /fit/ turn me straight? : Anonymous 11/03/21(Wed)20:35:09 No.66015267 you're bi, congrats >>66015302 #

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Anons terrorist brigade | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/03/21(Wed)21:20:16 No.866067521 >be walking around with female friend in halloween >see a bunch of guys dressed as terrorist >yell cheers >they yell back >this happens about 3 more times >my friend thinks i have relations with 3 KB JPG terrorist >"why are you doing that anon?" >you wouldn't get it 3 Replies / 1 Image View Thread : Anonymous 11/03/21 (Wed)21:38:18 No.866068163 >be walking around with female friend Why are you lying anon >>866068209 #
: Anonymous 11/03/21(Wed)21:20:16 No.866067521 >be walking around with female friend in halloween >see a bunch of guys dressed as terrorist >yell cheers >they yell back >this happens about 3 more times >my friend thinks i have relations with 3 KB JPG terrorist >"why are you doing that anon?" >you wouldn't get it 3 Replies / 1 Image View Thread : Anonymous 11/03/21 (Wed)21:38:18 No.866068163 >be walking around with female friend Why are you lying anon >>866068209 #

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Anon is embarrassed | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/04/21(Thu)18:05:20 No.866076379 I just embarrassed myself so hard. >at gas station >walk out after paying >guy loitering outside asks me for a smoke >tell him he can get some inside (owned) 37 KB JPG >continue to walk away >guy calls me a "soft prick" when I'm barely within earshot >turn around >want to tell him to come say it to my face but for some reasonI say: >"Come in my face with that s--- and see how soft I really am!" >guy doesn't even reply and walks back to the door I just told a crackhead to c-- in my face while trying to be tough. View Thread
: Anonymous 11/04/21(Thu)18:05:20 No.866076379 I just embarrassed myself so hard. >at gas station >walk out after paying >guy loitering outside asks me for a smoke >tell him he can get some inside (owned) 37 KB JPG >continue to walk away >guy calls me a "soft prick" when I'm barely within earshot >turn around >want to tell him to come say it to my face but for some reasonI say: >"Come in my face with that s--- and see how soft I really am!" >guy doesn't even reply and walks back to the door I just told a crackhead to c-- in my face while trying to be tough. View Thread

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Loneliness is hard | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/26/19(Thu)21:58:59 No.121597357 >Goes to prostitute >"Alright honey what do ya want? $50 to blow $100 for the night. $250 for a---, but ya gotta wear a rubbah" 40 KB JPG >l-l was wondering if you would come see a m- movie with me >"A movie? Like some kinky sex tape or somethin?" >N-no I wanted to know if you can come see Joker with me in theaters >"So you want me to suck ya c--- in the theater?" >N-no..just sit there and watch the movie with me I can still hear her laughing >>121604192 # >>121604678 #
: Anonymous 09/26/19(Thu)21:58:59 No.121597357 >Goes to prostitute >"Alright honey what do ya want? $50 to blow $100 for the night. $250 for a---, but ya gotta wear a rubbah" 40 KB JPG >l-l was wondering if you would come see a m- movie with me >"A movie? Like some kinky sex tape or somethin?" >N-no I wanted to know if you can come see Joker with me in theaters >"So you want me to suck ya c--- in the theater?" >N-no..just sit there and watch the movie with me I can still hear her laughing >>121604192 # >>121604678 #

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King Leopold's Ghost | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Tinder passport 11/03/21(Wed)07:37:21 No.66007318 >be me >don't get matches on tinder >pay for passport mode >use passport to go to the Congo >match with really hot black chicks Mavia 27 1.05 MB JPG >they tell me I'm cute >l tell them I finally understand what brought the Belgians to Congo >they stop replying Did I f--- it up?
: Anonymous Tinder passport 11/03/21(Wed)07:37:21 No.66007318 >be me >don't get matches on tinder >pay for passport mode >use passport to go to the Congo >match with really hot black chicks Mavia 27 1.05 MB JPG >they tell me I'm cute >l tell them I finally understand what brought the Belgians to Congo >they stop replying Did I f--- it up?

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Anon goes outside | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/12/20(Tue)22:36:00 No.58122654 >go outside >see people with long hair >see people with t--- >see people wearing a dress >they're everywhere W-- guys I thought women were just a meme 280 KB PNG
: Anonymous 05/12/20(Tue)22:36:00 No.58122654 >go outside >see people with long hair >see people with t--- >see people wearing a dress >they're everywhere W-- guys I thought women were just a meme 280 KB PNG

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Anon is too smart to get scammed | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/04/20(Wed)15:47:35 No.822020977 >Be me >Get a call from unknown number >Answer it >"Congatulations, you won an all expenses paid vacation!" >"F--- off scammer" *click* 15 KB JPG >Watch local news later that night >Headline: "Billionaire gives away free vacations to 5 locals" >mfw 3 Replies / 1 Image View Thread
: Anonymous 03/04/20(Wed)15:47:35 No.822020977 >Be me >Get a call from unknown number >Answer it >"Congatulations, you won an all expenses paid vacation!" >"F--- off scammer" *click* 15 KB JPG >Watch local news later that night >Headline: "Billionaire gives away free vacations to 5 locals" >mfw 3 Replies / 1 Image View Thread

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Anon buys skin. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/03/21(Wed)21:45:39 No.66016492 >Tell my therapist that I felt bad for spending 120$ on a skin. >"Skin of what?" "Riven." >"Is that a name?" >l nod. >"So you know Riven?" "Not really. I play her, but I don't 176 KB JPG play her much, you know?" >He writes something down and changes the topic. >Letter get a knock on my door. It's the cops doing a wellness check. >Tell them I'm fine and they leave. I bet that bitch called a wellness check on me because I play league of legends!
: Anonymous 11/03/21(Wed)21:45:39 No.66016492 >Tell my therapist that I felt bad for spending 120$ on a skin. >"Skin of what?" "Riven." >"Is that a name?" >l nod. >"So you know Riven?" "Not really. I play her, but I don't 176 KB JPG play her much, you know?" >He writes something down and changes the topic. >Letter get a knock on my door. It's the cops doing a wellness check. >Tell them I'm fine and they leave. I bet that bitch called a wellness check on me because I play league of legends!

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Just as the Founding Fathers intended | /r/Greentext

>Be me >Be sleeping >Hear a window smash at 3:49am >Grab my home defense musket because that's what the founding fathers intended when they wrote the second 32 KB JPG amendment >Run out of the room and see two masked men >Fire musket at first one, blows a hole a foot in diameter in him >He's dead on the spot >Musket ball continues to fly wildly going through my neighbor's wall and nails his dog >Grab my flintlock pistol and fire it at the second man >Musket ball misses entirely because is smoothbore >Ball goes through other neighbors house and destroys his TV >Fix Bayonet to musket and jab the second guy 15 times >Reload my musket in case any more rapscallions arrive >Police knock and enter upon hearing the ruckus >Can't hear or see because of the flintlocks report >Mistakenly shoot the police officer >Stabbed guy bleeds out at the hospital after using four pints of blood because triangle bayonet wounds are impossible to stitch up >Just as the founding fathers intended.
>Be me >Be sleeping >Hear a window smash at 3:49am >Grab my home defense musket because that's what the founding fathers intended when they wrote the second 32 KB JPG amendment >Run out of the room and see two masked men >Fire musket at first one, blows a hole a foot in diameter in him >He's dead on the spot >Musket ball continues to fly wildly going through my neighbor's wall and nails his dog >Grab my flintlock pistol and fire it at the second man >Musket ball misses entirely because is smoothbore >Ball goes through other neighbors house and destroys his TV >Fix Bayonet to musket and jab the second guy 15 times >Reload my musket in case any more rapscallions arrive >Police knock and enter upon hearing the ruckus >Can't hear or see because of the flintlocks report >Mistakenly shoot the police officer >Stabbed guy bleeds out at the hospital after using four pints of blood because triangle bayonet wounds are impossible to stitch up >Just as the founding fathers intended.

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Friendzone is not real | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 07/25/18(Wed)15:31:06 No.775355811 File: 1322261238567.jpg (482 KB, 1200x1800) >>775353580 (OP) >girl friendzoned me >l stopped being her friend >no longer in the friendzone because we're not friends Now you know how to escape, you're welcome.
Anonymous 07/25/18(Wed)15:31:06 No.775355811 File: 1322261238567.jpg (482 KB, 1200x1800) >>775353580 (OP) >girl friendzoned me >l stopped being her friend >no longer in the friendzone because we're not friends Now you know how to escape, you're welcome.

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Clutch Powers is love,Clutch Powers is life | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/03/21(Wed)19:07:20 No.866059446 LEGO ADVENTURES CLUTCH POWERS THE >be me >be 6 years old >favorite movie is Lego The Adventures of Clutch Powers >l watch Clutch Powers every night before bed >ask mom if I can meet Clutch Powers in FIRST LEGO MOVIE ON DVD! 46 KB JPG real life >mom says maybe someday >l go on Amazon.com because mom tells me everything I want is on there >type in Clutch Powers >see Amazon page for The Adventures of Clutch Powers >I don't know what to do >order 99 copies of The Adventures of Clutch Powers on DVD >2 weeks later >see huge FedEx box at my front door >tell mom that Clutch Powers is here >she's so confused >opens box >sees the 99 DVDS in the box >asks me how they got there >said I went on Amazon.com >she goes upstairs to tell my dad what happened >dad comes downstairs with leather belt >Dear Sweet Neptune >one whip for every copy of The Adventures of Clutch Powers
: Anonymous 11/03/21(Wed)19:07:20 No.866059446 LEGO ADVENTURES CLUTCH POWERS THE >be me >be 6 years old >favorite movie is Lego The Adventures of Clutch Powers >l watch Clutch Powers every night before bed >ask mom if I can meet Clutch Powers in FIRST LEGO MOVIE ON DVD! 46 KB JPG real life >mom says maybe someday >l go on Amazon.com because mom tells me everything I want is on there >type in Clutch Powers >see Amazon page for The Adventures of Clutch Powers >I don't know what to do >order 99 copies of The Adventures of Clutch Powers on DVD >2 weeks later >see huge FedEx box at my front door >tell mom that Clutch Powers is here >she's so confused >opens box >sees the 99 DVDS in the box >asks me how they got there >said I went on Amazon.com >she goes upstairs to tell my dad what happened >dad comes downstairs with leather belt >Dear Sweet Neptune >one whip for every copy of The Adventures of Clutch Powers

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Trail of tears | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous My plan to lose my virginity (..) 11/03/21 (Wed)20:05:06 No.66014960 >Be me >Sick of being a virgin at 25 >Have brilliant idea >Sign up to volunteer at abortion CLINIC ES clinic as an " clinic escort" >You're basically there to escort 596 KB JPG scared women into the Planned Parenthood for abortions because they don't want to go alone. >They're obviously single, easy, and put out. >What could go wrong? >First day today. >These chicks are either crying or won't say a word. >100% were obese. >One white girl in the bunch and she had face tats. >The other escorts are all old lesbians who look at me like l'm sus. >Cutest girl I saw was at a protest line across the street at the end of the day. >She gave me a death stare like I was human garbage. I signed up for the rest of the week. This was clearly a bad idea. W-- do I do?
: Anonymous My plan to lose my virginity (..) 11/03/21 (Wed)20:05:06 No.66014960 >Be me >Sick of being a virgin at 25 >Have brilliant idea >Sign up to volunteer at abortion CLINIC ES clinic as an " clinic escort" >You're basically there to escort 596 KB JPG scared women into the Planned Parenthood for abortions because they don't want to go alone. >They're obviously single, easy, and put out. >What could go wrong? >First day today. >These chicks are either crying or won't say a word. >100% were obese. >One white girl in the bunch and she had face tats. >The other escorts are all old lesbians who look at me like l'm sus. >Cutest girl I saw was at a protest line across the street at the end of the day. >She gave me a death stare like I was human garbage. I signed up for the rest of the week. This was clearly a bad idea. W-- do I do?

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