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Anon is no longer virgin | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/18/20(Fri)11:19:20 No.61442953 >be me >be a month and a half ago >tired of being a f------ virgin so I get on tinder and raw dog (which she didn't seem to mind) the first fat chick I match with feels good man 9 KB PNG >be almost a month later >fatty tells me she has been late on her period so she did a pregnancy test and it came out positive >freak the hell out and deny everything >block her from everything but she keeps trying to contact me, fortunately she doesn't know where I live >decide to just lay low and keep ignoring her and it'll eventually go away >be a couple of weeks ago >friend of hers contacts me to tell me she got the rona >be today >just got a message from her friend, turns out the bitch died of covid >feels immense relief sometimes God is really looking out for you
: Anonymous 12/18/20(Fri)11:19:20 No.61442953 >be me >be a month and a half ago >tired of being a f------ virgin so I get on tinder and raw dog (which she didn't seem to mind) the first fat chick I match with feels good man 9 KB PNG >be almost a month later >fatty tells me she has been late on her period so she did a pregnancy test and it came out positive >freak the hell out and deny everything >block her from everything but she keeps trying to contact me, fortunately she doesn't know where I live >decide to just lay low and keep ignoring her and it'll eventually go away >be a couple of weeks ago >friend of hers contacts me to tell me she got the rona >be today >just got a message from her friend, turns out the bitch died of covid >feels immense relief sometimes God is really looking out for you

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Anon likes oranges | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/29/21(Fri)21:44:24 No.43247 >spearheaded the vtuber meme >maximum soul >millions of fans >got his own television show was he the most successful vtuber to date, /vt/? 14 KB JPG
: Anonymous 01/29/21(Fri)21:44:24 No.43247 >spearheaded the vtuber meme >maximum soul >millions of fans >got his own television show was he the most successful vtuber to date, /vt/? 14 KB JPG

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Anon has a class pet | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/31/21(Sun)19:03:22 No.846233050 >be me >second grade >cool teacher had a pet mouse named sky that he kept in the classroom >occasionally he would let a student take sky home with them for a few days or so 56 KB JPG >one day, kid named Taylor gets sky >takes it with him after school >ffw 3 weeks >f------ Taylor hasn't brought the mouse back >f------ c--- >teacher seems genuinely upset >friends and I agree to go beat up this little s--- after school to teach him a lesson >some months and a suspension later >someone asks what happened to sky during class >teacher tells the class that he died >feelsbadman.png >remember that Taylor was the last one to take sky home >f------ Taylor >round up the boys >beat the s--- out of this m----------- after school again >ffw to now >15 years and another suspension later >thinking about what this piece of trash did to us still remember what you did, Taylor. If you're reading this, f--- you.
: Anonymous 01/31/21(Sun)19:03:22 No.846233050 >be me >second grade >cool teacher had a pet mouse named sky that he kept in the classroom >occasionally he would let a student take sky home with them for a few days or so 56 KB JPG >one day, kid named Taylor gets sky >takes it with him after school >ffw 3 weeks >f------ Taylor hasn't brought the mouse back >f------ c--- >teacher seems genuinely upset >friends and I agree to go beat up this little s--- after school to teach him a lesson >some months and a suspension later >someone asks what happened to sky during class >teacher tells the class that he died >feelsbadman.png >remember that Taylor was the last one to take sky home >f------ Taylor >round up the boys >beat the s--- out of this m----------- after school again >ffw to now >15 years and another suspension later >thinking about what this piece of trash did to us still remember what you did, Taylor. If you're reading this, f--- you.

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A song of Winds and Dragons | /r/Greentext

File: illust 87289752 20210125_(...).png (536 KB, 711x1200) O Anonymous 01/25/21(Mon)17:21:14 No.62029703 [Reply] >>62030720 >be me, 25 yo >download tinder >get some matches >one hour into a dialogue with a lady from my town >she asks if i'm free tomorrow >i am >turns out she is looking for a fill in for some tenhou tournament and asks if id like to join >i eagerly accept >we play mahjong all day long life is good Anonymous 01/25/21(Mon)17:24:58 No.62029759 File: 1606128678181.jpg (366 KB, 865x1200) I AM EWASHZU WAO AM A Sounds like a normal day in the life of a mahjongchad. Take the pill, the final pil. CAR- NATE
File: illust 87289752 20210125_(...).png (536 KB, 711x1200) O Anonymous 01/25/21(Mon)17:21:14 No.62029703 [Reply] >>62030720 >be me, 25 yo >download tinder >get some matches >one hour into a dialogue with a lady from my town >she asks if i'm free tomorrow >i am >turns out she is looking for a fill in for some tenhou tournament and asks if id like to join >i eagerly accept >we play mahjong all day long life is good Anonymous 01/25/21(Mon)17:24:58 No.62029759 File: 1606128678181.jpg (366 KB, 865x1200) I AM EWASHZU WAO AM A Sounds like a normal day in the life of a mahjongchad. Take the pill, the final pil. CAR- NATE

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Anon at the gym | /r/Greentext

1 40867114 28/03/2017 6:05 PM >go to gold's >doing my warmup routine of curls and butterflys >entrance swings open >a literal f------ clown walks in >like not even some juggalo or joker cosplayer, 142 KB an actual clown that you'd see at a carnival >he checks in and goes to the freeweight section >picks up two 20 pound dumbbells and starts f------ juggling them >everyone stares in awe >one of the employees asks him to please stop because he could hurt someone >agrees and drops one on his foot, starts screaming in a high pitched voice >employee asks if he's ok >he lets out a chuckle, honks his nose and takes off hos size 19 shoe to reveal he's fine >employee sighs and tries to find the manager >by the time she comes back the clown is on the squat rack doing 3pl8 ATF reps >he notices her and the manager out of the corner of his eye and smiles >his pants conveniently rip and he s---- out three hackey sacks and a circus peanut i f------ hate these gym clowns i wish they would just go away
1 40867114 28/03/2017 6:05 PM >go to gold's >doing my warmup routine of curls and butterflys >entrance swings open >a literal f------ clown walks in >like not even some juggalo or joker cosplayer, 142 KB an actual clown that you'd see at a carnival >he checks in and goes to the freeweight section >picks up two 20 pound dumbbells and starts f------ juggling them >everyone stares in awe >one of the employees asks him to please stop because he could hurt someone >agrees and drops one on his foot, starts screaming in a high pitched voice >employee asks if he's ok >he lets out a chuckle, honks his nose and takes off hos size 19 shoe to reveal he's fine >employee sighs and tries to find the manager >by the time she comes back the clown is on the squat rack doing 3pl8 ATF reps >he notices her and the manager out of the corner of his eye and smiles >his pants conveniently rip and he s---- out three hackey sacks and a circus peanut i f------ hate these gym clowns i wish they would just go away

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anon introduces himself | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: yN6Myb5b) I am black. No racism is toler(...) 11/24/20(Tue)22:27:26 No.292855993 Hello I am black. No racism here 89 KB PNG : Anonymous (ID: 9HfQFfEr ) E 11/24/20(Tue)22:28:13 No.292856126 N-----
: Anonymous (ID: yN6Myb5b) I am black. No racism is toler(...) 11/24/20(Tue)22:27:26 No.292855993 Hello I am black. No racism here 89 KB PNG : Anonymous (ID: 9HfQFfEr ) E 11/24/20(Tue)22:28:13 No.292856126 N-----

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Anon made someone's sister pregnant. | /r/Greentext

File: EFXCE01UYAA8CSO.jpg (41 KB, 798x644) O Anonymous 01/31/21(Sun)14:33:04 No.846188522 [Reply] > >846194792 /b/ What's some f----- up s--- you did as a preteen/teen? I'll start. >Be me (m13) in 2011 >Kinda the center of my weeb friend group. >There's a kid that hangs around our area during lunch, but nobody talks to him. Name is Nick. >Tall lanky mf. Smells like his washing machine doesn't work. >My friend Taylor and I decide to befriend him. >We go over to his house in order to play halo reach. >Fun f------ game. >Hang out until 1 am. Taylor has to go home. I spend the night. >Nick has a 17 year old sister. 7/10. >Dude passes the f--- out, and his sister and I are alone. >Around 3 am, she grabs me by the hand after everyone's asleep, and brings me into their garage. >Takes her top off and we get busy. No f------ clue what I'm doing since I'm f------ 13, but apparently it's working. >About a week goes by. Going to nick's house every day after school. Doing the deed with his sister. >End of the week, she tells me we're done. My 13 year old self breaks down and cries. Calls her a c---, and leaves. >Next day, ignore nick all day. It's not his fault, but i can't go back. >Few days go by of the same thing. >He starts freaking out and causes a huge scene. >Calls me every s----- thing he can think of. Sperg.mov >lgnore him while he breaks down. >He punches me in the back of the head. >F--- it >"I only hung out with you so I could bang your sister. Now that I'm done, you're f------ useless to me." >Nick looks f------ shellshocked. >Day goes by. >He doesn't show up. >A week later. >Doesn't show up. >He f------ moved schools. Come to find out years later that his parents got divorced, and his sister got pregnant. Idk who the dad is, but time-wise it's not horribly far off from when we were f------ around.
File: EFXCE01UYAA8CSO.jpg (41 KB, 798x644) O Anonymous 01/31/21(Sun)14:33:04 No.846188522 [Reply] > >846194792 /b/ What's some f----- up s--- you did as a preteen/teen? I'll start. >Be me (m13) in 2011 >Kinda the center of my weeb friend group. >There's a kid that hangs around our area during lunch, but nobody talks to him. Name is Nick. >Tall lanky mf. Smells like his washing machine doesn't work. >My friend Taylor and I decide to befriend him. >We go over to his house in order to play halo reach. >Fun f------ game. >Hang out until 1 am. Taylor has to go home. I spend the night. >Nick has a 17 year old sister. 7/10. >Dude passes the f--- out, and his sister and I are alone. >Around 3 am, she grabs me by the hand after everyone's asleep, and brings me into their garage. >Takes her top off and we get busy. No f------ clue what I'm doing since I'm f------ 13, but apparently it's working. >About a week goes by. Going to nick's house every day after school. Doing the deed with his sister. >End of the week, she tells me we're done. My 13 year old self breaks down and cries. Calls her a c---, and leaves. >Next day, ignore nick all day. It's not his fault, but i can't go back. >Few days go by of the same thing. >He starts freaking out and causes a huge scene. >Calls me every s----- thing he can think of. Sperg.mov >lgnore him while he breaks down. >He punches me in the back of the head. >F--- it >"I only hung out with you so I could bang your sister. Now that I'm done, you're f------ useless to me." >Nick looks f------ shellshocked. >Day goes by. >He doesn't show up. >A week later. >Doesn't show up. >He f------ moved schools. Come to find out years later that his parents got divorced, and his sister got pregnant. Idk who the dad is, but time-wise it's not horribly far off from when we were f------ around.

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Job is work you do for other people | /r/Greentext

File: ogn33tg.jpg (26 KB, 400x400) Anonymous 01/24/21(Sun)06:10:17 No.62005424 [Reply] >Play video games all day >think to myself that there must be more to life >get a job >realize that there isn't Anonymous 01/24/21(Sun)06:16:27 No.62005474 then be so tired from work you cant even vidya fml O Anonymous 01/24/21(Sun)06:18:32 No.62005494 whatever. I like sleeping more than video games anyways.
File: ogn33tg.jpg (26 KB, 400x400) Anonymous 01/24/21(Sun)06:10:17 No.62005424 [Reply] >Play video games all day >think to myself that there must be more to life >get a job >realize that there isn't Anonymous 01/24/21(Sun)06:16:27 No.62005474 then be so tired from work you cant even vidya fml O Anonymous 01/24/21(Sun)06:18:32 No.62005494 whatever. I like sleeping more than video games anyways.

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womb 2 tomb: an unborn incel story | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous I had the best dad 12/15/18(Sat)19:08:31 No.49862882 > Be me > Years ago. Still in womb. > Hear dad whispering nice poems. > Gonnabeagoodlife.mp3 > Hear dad leave for work. > Hear mom invite over 'Tyrone' > Black hose starts knocking 285 KB JPG against my head. > Hear dad come back and cry. > Hear mom beg for forgiveness. > Says he's staying for me. > mfw I realize this wonderful man is going to get stuck with this thot because of me. > Cant let that happen. > Decide to poison her toth bloodstream > Gonnatakeyoudownwithme.divx > Hear dad in hospital say goodbye to me and mom. > Hear moms heart beat stop before mine does. Goodbye dad. You deserve a better life.
: Anonymous I had the best dad 12/15/18(Sat)19:08:31 No.49862882 > Be me > Years ago. Still in womb. > Hear dad whispering nice poems. > Gonnabeagoodlife.mp3 > Hear dad leave for work. > Hear mom invite over 'Tyrone' > Black hose starts knocking 285 KB JPG against my head. > Hear dad come back and cry. > Hear mom beg for forgiveness. > Says he's staying for me. > mfw I realize this wonderful man is going to get stuck with this thot because of me. > Cant let that happen. > Decide to poison her toth bloodstream > Gonnatakeyoudownwithme.divx > Hear dad in hospital say goodbye to me and mom. > Hear moms heart beat stop before mine does. Goodbye dad. You deserve a better life.

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Anon is wanted | /r/Greentext

Time for a feels thread ya beautiful /b/astards >Be me >ten years old when a group of cops show up at my house >Baby sitter's freaking out 22 KB JPG >.. they're here for me >.Mom and Dad are dead >my life ended at ten f------ years old because of some f------ ass-hat with a .20 BAC >my uncle picks me up the next day >move to his place in another state >l feel constantly alone >don't have friends >no enemies ether >l don't even have any bullies >I'm so invisible to the world, I might as well be part of the cosmic background radiation. >fast forward twelve years >22yo kissless beta loser struggling with depression >still living with my uncle >He's a good guy >tries to point me in good directions >got me through high school and college >even helped me land a decent job! though I lost it a week later >can't fault him for MY s----- life >the day after losing my job he takes me to some sandwich place to try to cheer me up >foods good >always eat too much >We get a seat outside >It's a nice day
Time for a feels thread ya beautiful /b/astards >Be me >ten years old when a group of cops show up at my house >Baby sitter's freaking out 22 KB JPG >.. they're here for me >.Mom and Dad are dead >my life ended at ten f------ years old because of some f------ ass-hat with a .20 BAC >my uncle picks me up the next day >move to his place in another state >l feel constantly alone >don't have friends >no enemies ether >l don't even have any bullies >I'm so invisible to the world, I might as well be part of the cosmic background radiation. >fast forward twelve years >22yo kissless beta loser struggling with depression >still living with my uncle >He's a good guy >tries to point me in good directions >got me through high school and college >even helped me land a decent job! though I lost it a week later >can't fault him for MY s----- life >the day after losing my job he takes me to some sandwich place to try to cheer me up >foods good >always eat too much >We get a seat outside >It's a nice day

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Anon becomes a pirate | /r/Greentext

ile: image jpg (16 KB. 409x307) Anonymous (ID: 8yTxwp3) 05/19/14(Mon)01:31:58 Worst sex story thread? >Be me >Just graduated >Hanging out with qt3.14 girfriend after Graduation party >Both extremely drunk >On my bed >She starts rubbing my c--- through my jeans >Says that she's never role played and wants to try >"O-okay what do you want to do?" >"Ive always wanted to f--- Jack Sparrow" >Wat.jpg >Only thing I have pirate related is an eyepatch and a pirate hat from a few halloweens ago >Letsdothis.avi >She starts sucking me off >in the spurr of the moment shout "THARR SHE BLOWSI" >Realize what I just said >She starts laughing and ends up gagging on my d--- and puking >C-- because she was deepthroating when it happened >Dad walks in >"Hey anon do you." >Stares at the horrific scene that has just happend >Mixture of c-- and puke all over bed >Look at dad and say "A-ahoy matey" >He backs out and closes my door >Pretty sure he ran after closing the door >Never looks me in the eye again >Mfw
ile: image jpg (16 KB. 409x307) Anonymous (ID: 8yTxwp3) 05/19/14(Mon)01:31:58 Worst sex story thread? >Be me >Just graduated >Hanging out with qt3.14 girfriend after Graduation party >Both extremely drunk >On my bed >She starts rubbing my c--- through my jeans >Says that she's never role played and wants to try >"O-okay what do you want to do?" >"Ive always wanted to f--- Jack Sparrow" >Wat.jpg >Only thing I have pirate related is an eyepatch and a pirate hat from a few halloweens ago >Letsdothis.avi >She starts sucking me off >in the spurr of the moment shout "THARR SHE BLOWSI" >Realize what I just said >She starts laughing and ends up gagging on my d--- and puking >C-- because she was deepthroating when it happened >Dad walks in >"Hey anon do you." >Stares at the horrific scene that has just happend >Mixture of c-- and puke all over bed >Look at dad and say "A-ahoy matey" >He backs out and closes my door >Pretty sure he ran after closing the door >Never looks me in the eye again >Mfw

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Anon's life is unfair | /r/Greentext

MIRCOLAT'S WISHLIST SORI AIS ADD Sume AL ITES Scarn by ame or Genlus! NAZI-GIRL GoePPels-Chan ep3 ULL end a Genlus! NAZI-GIRL GoePPels-Chan ep2 Geniu NAZIGIRL UeLL Led T Xmas Shooting - Scramble!! LIAl A >be me >be 5'7" brown mesitzo shitskin from mexico >find girl in a discord server >too shy to talk her >check her steam account thats linked to her discord >check her wishlist (maybe if i buy her a 5$ game she will message me!) >find out she's into p--- hentai games and nazi games >look at her twitter likes, see that likes whitenationalist tweets and follows white nationalists why couldn't i have just been born white, it's not fair
MIRCOLAT'S WISHLIST SORI AIS ADD Sume AL ITES Scarn by ame or Genlus! NAZI-GIRL GoePPels-Chan ep3 ULL end a Genlus! NAZI-GIRL GoePPels-Chan ep2 Geniu NAZIGIRL UeLL Led T Xmas Shooting - Scramble!! LIAl A >be me >be 5'7" brown mesitzo shitskin from mexico >find girl in a discord server >too shy to talk her >check her steam account thats linked to her discord >check her wishlist (maybe if i buy her a 5$ game she will message me!) >find out she's into p--- hentai games and nazi games >look at her twitter likes, see that likes whitenationalist tweets and follows white nationalists why couldn't i have just been born white, it's not fair

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Anon has a friend | /r/Greentext

>be beta f-- with no friends >live alone in s----- apartment >walk outside one day and and 1.83 MB JPG see crow >crow has one partially white wing >feed it bread because it's all I have in apartment >crow keeps coming back for food >one day crow bring me a shiny bit of trash >accept offering from crow >few months pass he comes every day >he brings me s--- most days >one day crow doesnt show up >mfw my only friend has abandoned me >weekend passes >still hasnt come i watch for him constantly >monday morning i go to work >see dead crow on side of street near home >stop and get out >tfw it has a partially white wing >see it has been hit by car >near beak is some weird bracelet >tfw my only friend died trying to get me a gift >tfw I have nothing pic related
>be beta f-- with no friends >live alone in s----- apartment >walk outside one day and and 1.83 MB JPG see crow >crow has one partially white wing >feed it bread because it's all I have in apartment >crow keeps coming back for food >one day crow bring me a shiny bit of trash >accept offering from crow >few months pass he comes every day >he brings me s--- most days >one day crow doesnt show up >mfw my only friend has abandoned me >weekend passes >still hasnt come i watch for him constantly >monday morning i go to work >see dead crow on side of street near home >stop and get out >tfw it has a partially white wing >see it has been hit by car >near beak is some weird bracelet >tfw my only friend died trying to get me a gift >tfw I have nothing pic related

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Anon made a Egyptian friend | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous[] 01/31/21(Sun)20:45:31 No.138718405 >Call Amazon customer service >l'm informed the call center guy is speaking from Egypt >Turns out to be the most professional, most polite call center guy l've ever interacted with >Thank him a lot 44 KB PNG >"Always at your service Sir" >Before leaving I ask him if he's actually Egyptian >"Yes" >congratulate him on his perfect Italian >"Thanks, I invite you to visit Egypt, the country of the the Sphinx and the Pyramids, one of the seven wonders of the world" >Haha wow thanks! >"I've worked with Italians before. You can visit my city which is located there near there, you'll love it there" >Thank him so much, and ask him his name again >He knows mine from the screen I felt /international/ love bliss bros. I now have a new Egyptian fren
: Anonymous[] 01/31/21(Sun)20:45:31 No.138718405 >Call Amazon customer service >l'm informed the call center guy is speaking from Egypt >Turns out to be the most professional, most polite call center guy l've ever interacted with >Thank him a lot 44 KB PNG >"Always at your service Sir" >Before leaving I ask him if he's actually Egyptian >"Yes" >congratulate him on his perfect Italian >"Thanks, I invite you to visit Egypt, the country of the the Sphinx and the Pyramids, one of the seven wonders of the world" >Haha wow thanks! >"I've worked with Italians before. You can visit my city which is located there near there, you'll love it there" >Thank him so much, and ask him his name again >He knows mine from the screen I felt /international/ love bliss bros. I now have a new Egyptian fren

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Czechs saving Slovaks again | /r/Greentext

File: 1612102285809.png (851 KB, 1051x892) Czech woman performs oral sex to stop robbery of Slovak gas station January 28, 2021 24-year-old Serbian robbed a gas station in Bratislava. A 36-year-old Czech woman offered him a b------ to distract him until the police arrived Anonymous (ID: CesvixL5 E 01/31/21(Sun)16:24:18 No.305961036 >>305957655 (OP) >be me >robbing store with gf like usual >she gets excited and starts blowing me >eyes closed about to nut, cops bust in >l get arrested >everyone treats her like a hero W--
File: 1612102285809.png (851 KB, 1051x892) Czech woman performs oral sex to stop robbery of Slovak gas station January 28, 2021 24-year-old Serbian robbed a gas station in Bratislava. A 36-year-old Czech woman offered him a b------ to distract him until the police arrived Anonymous (ID: CesvixL5 E 01/31/21(Sun)16:24:18 No.305961036 >>305957655 (OP) >be me >robbing store with gf like usual >she gets excited and starts blowing me >eyes closed about to nut, cops bust in >l get arrested >everyone treats her like a hero W--

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gaynon has a revelation | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/06/18(Thu)21:14:08 No.786762596 >be me >gay >have 6' 10" boyfriend >mfw i have the actual big gay 21 KB JPG
: Anonymous 12/06/18(Thu)21:14:08 No.786762596 >be me >gay >have 6' 10" boyfriend >mfw i have the actual big gay 21 KB JPG

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Anon meets the world | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/12/20(Tue)22:36:00 No.58122654 >go outside >see people with long hair >see people with t--- >see people wearing a dress >they're everywhere W-- guys I thought women were just a meme 280 KB PNG
: Anonymous 05/12/20(Tue)22:36:00 No.58122654 >go outside >see people with long hair >see people with t--- >see people wearing a dress >they're everywhere W-- guys I thought women were just a meme 280 KB PNG

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Anon wants bobs | /r/Greentext

[Serious long post, please read and tell solutions] >How can I let my girlfriend show me her breasts (or even get naked before)? She's hella shy and conservative. >She's conservative, even tho she was born and grew up in London (we both are indians, I am here for PhD, she grew up 163 KB JPG here) >And she thinks that a couple should do naked stuff only after marriage. > but she's ok with kissing, cuddling and hugging stuff. (Felt her body doing these stuffs before). >it would take 2 years to complete my PhD and would take one year for marriage at least, I don't even want sex, I want to see her breasts, she's cute. >What can I do to convince her? > [again, this is a serious post]. -Broke Imperial student, graduating within few years. (Posting pic, would delete the post within few mins of getting some replies or answers).
[Serious long post, please read and tell solutions] >How can I let my girlfriend show me her breasts (or even get naked before)? She's hella shy and conservative. >She's conservative, even tho she was born and grew up in London (we both are indians, I am here for PhD, she grew up 163 KB JPG here) >And she thinks that a couple should do naked stuff only after marriage. > but she's ok with kissing, cuddling and hugging stuff. (Felt her body doing these stuffs before). >it would take 2 years to complete my PhD and would take one year for marriage at least, I don't even want sex, I want to see her breasts, she's cute. >What can I do to convince her? > [again, this is a serious post]. -Broke Imperial student, graduating within few years. (Posting pic, would delete the post within few mins of getting some replies or answers).

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Anon likes pickles | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 12/23/13(Mon)10:04:04 UTC-5 No.522930202 2>522923281 Tell me about it. >went to the store on Thursday >bought a half gallon jar of pickles >love me some pickles >eat one as soon as I get home >tastesgoodman.bat >so good I decide 'll have a few more >walk back to my computer and start to work but the urge is not sated >not by a long shot >come back to life-giving pickle jar several more time >eat several pickles each time >after an hour the jar is empty >400% of my daily sodium never tasted so good >thirty minutes later I hear a churning in my stomach >not a light rumbling, sounds like the noise an old tub makes when you suddenly pull the drain >initiate sprint to bathroom mode >barely get my ass on the toilet as a f------ waterfall emerges from my a------ >never in my life have relief and horror been such close bedfellows >after about ten seconds of continuous flow it subsides to a trickle and stops >toilet water is green and smells like vinegar >body didn't even try to digest that s--- >clean up and go back to computer >thinking "thank god that's over" >Not. Even. Close. >five minutes later the rumbling is back >even louder this time >sprint to bathroom, lather, rinse, repeat >this happens five more f------ times >it's finally all gone >stomach is concave; I have never had less food inside my body >completely cleaned out >cue rumble >sit on toilet but it's different this time >I KNOW there's nothing in there >s--- out a tiny amount of liquid, immediately feel better >"well I guess there was just a tiny bit left, that wasn't so ba-" >all at once the burning fire of a thousand young suns sets upon my a--- sphincter >l had just shat out pure stomach acid >frantically wipe at my ass to prevent it from melting away like the spaceship floor in Alien >craw in shower, tum cold water on full blast, and lie prone while gently sobbing >eventually towel off and crawl exhausted into bed at 3:00 in the afternoon >sleep for fourteen hours In retrospect, it was all totally worth it. I love me some pickles.
Anonymous 12/23/13(Mon)10:04:04 UTC-5 No.522930202 2>522923281 Tell me about it. >went to the store on Thursday >bought a half gallon jar of pickles >love me some pickles >eat one as soon as I get home >tastesgoodman.bat >so good I decide 'll have a few more >walk back to my computer and start to work but the urge is not sated >not by a long shot >come back to life-giving pickle jar several more time >eat several pickles each time >after an hour the jar is empty >400% of my daily sodium never tasted so good >thirty minutes later I hear a churning in my stomach >not a light rumbling, sounds like the noise an old tub makes when you suddenly pull the drain >initiate sprint to bathroom mode >barely get my ass on the toilet as a f------ waterfall emerges from my a------ >never in my life have relief and horror been such close bedfellows >after about ten seconds of continuous flow it subsides to a trickle and stops >toilet water is green and smells like vinegar >body didn't even try to digest that s--- >clean up and go back to computer >thinking "thank god that's over" >Not. Even. Close. >five minutes later the rumbling is back >even louder this time >sprint to bathroom, lather, rinse, repeat >this happens five more f------ times >it's finally all gone >stomach is concave; I have never had less food inside my body >completely cleaned out >cue rumble >sit on toilet but it's different this time >I KNOW there's nothing in there >s--- out a tiny amount of liquid, immediately feel better >"well I guess there was just a tiny bit left, that wasn't so ba-" >all at once the burning fire of a thousand young suns sets upon my a--- sphincter >l had just shat out pure stomach acid >frantically wipe at my ass to prevent it from melting away like the spaceship floor in Alien >craw in shower, tum cold water on full blast, and lie prone while gently sobbing >eventually towel off and crawl exhausted into bed at 3:00 in the afternoon >sleep for fourteen hours In retrospect, it was all totally worth it. I love me some pickles.

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File: 17a9a18507ab6be622629c92a(...).jpg (41 KB, 480x640) O Anonymous 01/30/21(Sat)11:51:27 No.62098583 >>62098750 >>62098760 >>62098825 Anyone else here was never bulled in high school? >chad tried to bully me in middle school >tells me that I'm "a f------ loser who has no friends and should kill myself" >respond with "alright" in an expressionless manner >chads ignore me when they realize I don't give enough of a s--- for them to get a rise out of me O Anonymous 01/30/21(Sat)11:55:00 No.62098624 >>62098649 >>62098665 >>62098709 chad was always nice to me and my best friend from childhood is a chad it was the second place guys that were trying to climb the social ladder that were the pricks
File: 17a9a18507ab6be622629c92a(...).jpg (41 KB, 480x640) O Anonymous 01/30/21(Sat)11:51:27 No.62098583 >>62098750 >>62098760 >>62098825 Anyone else here was never bulled in high school? >chad tried to bully me in middle school >tells me that I'm "a f------ loser who has no friends and should kill myself" >respond with "alright" in an expressionless manner >chads ignore me when they realize I don't give enough of a s--- for them to get a rise out of me O Anonymous 01/30/21(Sat)11:55:00 No.62098624 >>62098649 >>62098665 >>62098709 chad was always nice to me and my best friend from childhood is a chad it was the second place guys that were trying to climb the social ladder that were the pricks

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