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Anon was fat | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/14/21(Thu)22:07:05 No.63932352 >be fat >find /fit/ >start eating healthy >start working out >pack lunch to work >eat fruit and protein bars >co workers make jokes about my new diet >make fun of me about how I always eat the same thing >make fun of how I say no to doughnuts brought in >months pass >drop 30 lbs >muscle starts to show >comments stop

: Anonymous 10/14/21(Thu)22:07:05 No.63932352 >be fat >find /fit/ >start eating healthy >start working out >pack lunch to work >eat fruit and protein bars >co workers make jokes about my new diet >make fun of me about how I always eat the same thing >make fun of how I say no to doughnuts brought in >months pass >drop 30 lbs >muscle starts to show >comments stop

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Whispers in the dark | /r/Greentext

7h (1/7 5:31) 36873979-16 Re - 3 Img JPG 9KB (225× 225) · IMG_2874.jpg 4 Replies >Be me >Be out in woods at night whistling and saying wendigo >wendigo comes up behind me and starts whispering to me >"You should kill and eat them all" >don't listen to it >pull out my phone >go on e621 >search up tag "wendigo" >start violently jerking off to wendigo p--- >wendigo makes audible noise of disgust and walks away Are people really afraid of these things?

7h (1/7 5:31) 36873979-16 Re - 3 Img JPG 9KB (225× 225) · IMG_2874.jpg 4 Replies >Be me >Be out in woods at night whistling and saying wendigo >wendigo comes up behind me and starts whispering to me >"You should kill and eat them all" >don't listen to it >pull out my phone >go on e621 >search up tag "wendigo" >start violently jerking off to wendigo p--- >wendigo makes audible noise of disgust and walks away Are people really afraid of these things?

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Anon is a master(de)bater | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 48 KB JPG argument again 01/06/24(Sat) 16:05:23 No.662899916 >lose argument >reply to myself with the dumbest arguments possible >ignore my opponent and continue arguing with myself instead >continue ignoring my opponent when he desperately tries to join in on the >>662899928 # >>662900614 # >>662900978 # >>662902402 #

: Anonymous 48 KB JPG argument again 01/06/24(Sat) 16:05:23 No.662899916 >lose argument >reply to myself with the dumbest arguments possible >ignore my opponent and continue arguing with myself instead >continue ignoring my opponent when he desperately tries to join in on the >>662899928 # >>662900614 # >>662900978 # >>662902402 #

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Jigsaw Dispenses Some More Poetic Justice | /r/Greentext

File: 7-26-jigsaw.jpg (181 KB, 2000x1427) Anonymous 12/30/23(Sat) 19:14:40 No. 194038666 >Hello, Anon. I want to play a game. Life is limited. We are all on a timer waiting for the moment of death. Every second of our lives should be made to be more productive. But you... Have done nothing with your life. It is a quarter of the way through and yet have done nothing but masturbate and browse 4chan. This waste of human life for short term sexual gratification and the illusion of progress through what you call "shitposting" is an offense that must be corrected. Your c--- and balls are rigged to a pulley, attached is a 500 pound weight. Inside your groin area is a key to unlock the pulley. You must slowly rip off your c--- and balls to reveal the key and unlock your chains or else the nail bomb I shoved up your anus will explode. The nails are covered in salt and vinegar. I call this the trap the "Bruce Jenner". Good luck. >>194039864

File: 7-26-jigsaw.jpg (181 KB, 2000x1427) Anonymous 12/30/23(Sat) 19:14:40 No. 194038666 >Hello, Anon. I want to play a game. Life is limited. We are all on a timer waiting for the moment of death. Every second of our lives should be made to be more productive. But you... Have done nothing with your life. It is a quarter of the way through and yet have done nothing but masturbate and browse 4chan. This waste of human life for short term sexual gratification and the illusion of progress through what you call "shitposting" is an offense that must be corrected. Your c--- and balls are rigged to a pulley, attached is a 500 pound weight. Inside your groin area is a key to unlock the pulley. You must slowly rip off your c--- and balls to reveal the key and unlock your chains or else the nail bomb I shoved up your anus will explode. The nails are covered in salt and vinegar. I call this the trap the "Bruce Jenner". Good luck. >>194039864

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Anon has a "friend" | /r/Greentext

W-- IS WRONG WITH HER Anonymous 01/06/24(Sat)17:30:25 No.76027817 >Have female friend throughout my childhood >Grew up two blocks from each other, either my best friend or my second best friend at different times growing up >Of course I get a crush on her and eventually fall in love but too young and stupid to admit it >>76027843 >>76027879 >>76027887 >>76027908 >>76028006 >She seems to vary between reciprocating my feelings and friendzoning me to date other guys >Become beta orbiter for several years >Finally in HS I get the courage to just tell her how I feel >She tells me she just sees me as a friend and that it will never happen >It sucks but I don't want to lose my best friend so I deal with it. I try not to feel bad whenever she is dating someone else, just hiding the pain deep down in side. >Meet girl in college and quickly fall for her >She likes me back this time >We start dating this fall and life has been bright and good for the first time in forever >I introduce her to my friend over winter break and they seem to get along okay >Start to notice my friend looking at me differently but I just cannot put my finger on it >Today my friend just texted she has always liked me and wants me to break up with my girlfriend so we can be together WHAT THE HELL IS HER PROBLEM I don't know if I can take this anymore. She has been doing this to me for over ten years now, and I have just grinned and dealt with it so I could keep my best friend, but the SECOND I move on she wants me? The worst part is that I am still in love with her, and as disgusting as this is I am actually considering it. I don't know what to do, I love my girlfriend but I have loved my friend for as long as I can remember. I don't want to be a scumbag and cheat, but I don't want to lose my friend. I am so mad at her, I am so mad at myself, and I just can't send a reply because I am scared I will say something I cannot take back.

W-- IS WRONG WITH HER Anonymous 01/06/24(Sat)17:30:25 No.76027817 >Have female friend throughout my childhood >Grew up two blocks from each other, either my best friend or my second best friend at different times growing up >Of course I get a crush on her and eventually fall in love but too young and stupid to admit it >>76027843 >>76027879 >>76027887 >>76027908 >>76028006 >She seems to vary between reciprocating my feelings and friendzoning me to date other guys >Become beta orbiter for several years >Finally in HS I get the courage to just tell her how I feel >She tells me she just sees me as a friend and that it will never happen >It sucks but I don't want to lose my best friend so I deal with it. I try not to feel bad whenever she is dating someone else, just hiding the pain deep down in side. >Meet girl in college and quickly fall for her >She likes me back this time >We start dating this fall and life has been bright and good for the first time in forever >I introduce her to my friend over winter break and they seem to get along okay >Start to notice my friend looking at me differently but I just cannot put my finger on it >Today my friend just texted she has always liked me and wants me to break up with my girlfriend so we can be together WHAT THE HELL IS HER PROBLEM I don't know if I can take this anymore. She has been doing this to me for over ten years now, and I have just grinned and dealt with it so I could keep my best friend, but the SECOND I move on she wants me? The worst part is that I am still in love with her, and as disgusting as this is I am actually considering it. I don't know what to do, I love my girlfriend but I have loved my friend for as long as I can remember. I don't want to be a scumbag and cheat, but I don't want to lose my friend. I am so mad at her, I am so mad at myself, and I just can't send a reply because I am scared I will say something I cannot take back.

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Anon compares | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous onlyindade 9:10 PM OCBS NEWS MIAMI LOTTERY 01/06/24(Sat)16:20:04 No.194487781 VIRAL VIDEO CLAIMS TO SHOW "ALIENS IN MIAMI" PICK 5 MIDDAY 46143 DRAW DATE: FRIDAY, JAN 5 201873df0c991764522250f158e7cad0.jpg 47 KB JPG >Alien invasion begins in a highly populated city in the United States All the movies were right

: Anonymous onlyindade 9:10 PM OCBS NEWS MIAMI LOTTERY 01/06/24(Sat)16:20:04 No.194487781 VIRAL VIDEO CLAIMS TO SHOW "ALIENS IN MIAMI" PICK 5 MIDDAY 46143 DRAW DATE: FRIDAY, JAN 5 201873df0c991764522250f158e7cad0.jpg 47 KB JPG >Alien invasion begins in a highly populated city in the United States All the movies were right

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Double-D standard | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 423 KB PNG 07/24/21 (Sat) 14:29:48 No.64696588 >Guys say they like bigger asses and boobs >This is okay >Girls say they like taller men and bigger d---- >Suddenly this is wrong Why?

: Anonymous 423 KB PNG 07/24/21 (Sat) 14:29:48 No.64696588 >Guys say they like bigger asses and boobs >This is okay >Girls say they like taller men and bigger d---- >Suddenly this is wrong Why?

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Artificial life | /r/Greentext

BR 3h (1/6 22:42) 192188690- 20 Re - 5 Img PNG 660KB (984 × 1031) · felk.png 8 Replies How bad is the transphobia problem in your country? Pic related is a high school student called Fatima Pissarra that commited suicide last year due to transphobic bullying. >Fatima was denied access to the girl's restroom by TERF students >unable to hold it anymore, Fatima released a mix of urine, pus, blood, fecal matter and pubic hair from her artificial vagina >all classes from the rest of that day had to be cancelled in order to hygienize the school corridor properly >Fatima's nickname became "buceta de esgoto" (which in english is something like "sewer c---", I think) >Fatima commited suicide a week later by hanging after the other students found out she was wearing adult diapers at school >after her death chuds spread fake news on social media that she was part of some discord p--- ring responsible for grooming minors

BR 3h (1/6 22:42) 192188690- 20 Re - 5 Img PNG 660KB (984 × 1031) · felk.png 8 Replies How bad is the transphobia problem in your country? Pic related is a high school student called Fatima Pissarra that commited suicide last year due to transphobic bullying. >Fatima was denied access to the girl's restroom by TERF students >unable to hold it anymore, Fatima released a mix of urine, pus, blood, fecal matter and pubic hair from her artificial vagina >all classes from the rest of that day had to be cancelled in order to hygienize the school corridor properly >Fatima's nickname became "buceta de esgoto" (which in english is something like "sewer c---", I think) >Fatima commited suicide a week later by hanging after the other students found out she was wearing adult diapers at school >after her death chuds spread fake news on social media that she was part of some discord p--- ring responsible for grooming minors

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Anons phone tries its best to initiate a conversation | /r/Greentext

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Anon learns japanese | /r/Greentext

File: bigbraintime.jpg (94 KB, 710x512) my dad was a genius Anonymous 01/06/24(Sat) 18:44:10 No.911966037 >be me >4 years old >my dad says he invented a new funny language >he slowly starts speaking and teaching me this weird language >"cool son and dad thing" >he even teaches me how to write this language with weird lines or smth >ffw >when i became 14y my dad asks me if i want to learn japanese >"yeah why not" >he puts me in a japanese school >mfw when i f------ understand almost everything >mfw when i think i was born knowing japanese >i tell my dad about >mfw when he says that our funny language was actually japanese thanks dad :)

File: bigbraintime.jpg (94 KB, 710x512) my dad was a genius Anonymous 01/06/24(Sat) 18:44:10 No.911966037 >be me >4 years old >my dad says he invented a new funny language >he slowly starts speaking and teaching me this weird language >"cool son and dad thing" >he even teaches me how to write this language with weird lines or smth >ffw >when i became 14y my dad asks me if i want to learn japanese >"yeah why not" >he puts me in a japanese school >mfw when i f------ understand almost everything >mfw when i think i was born knowing japanese >i tell my dad about >mfw when he says that our funny language was actually japanese thanks dad :)

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Anon gets upset about nothing | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: RVJIEVBM) 01/06/24(Sat)15:56:48 No.454293333 >be a freedomlover in space >be called an astronaut >be a europoor in space >be called an astronaut >be a chinaman in space >be called an astronaut >be a vodka chugger in space >be called a cOsMoNaUt Why tf do these assholes get a special name for the same f------ thing? Entitled commie f----

Anonymous (ID: RVJIEVBM) 01/06/24(Sat)15:56:48 No.454293333 >be a freedomlover in space >be called an astronaut >be a europoor in space >be called an astronaut >be a chinaman in space >be called an astronaut >be a vodka chugger in space >be called a cOsMoNaUt Why tf do these assholes get a special name for the same f------ thing? Entitled commie f----

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Anon finds comfort | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 06/18/19(Tue)03:43:16 No.52961056 287 KB JPG Sure a restaurant might be nice, but nothing will ever beat a box of tendies on a comfy winter evening. Hearing the ding of the oven you get up from your computer chair, still wrapped in your blanket that drags across the floor as you walk, your feet insulated by thick sock, your body clad in soft, warm pajamas. You down the hallway, the house is silent save for the light pitter patter of your footsteps. You enter the kitchen, lit solely by the light inside the oven. You open it up and see the steaming hot tendies, ready and waiting just for you. Carefully you slide them from the tray onto a plate, you reach into the fridge quickly to grab your sauce of choice. You saunter back to your room in a dreamlike state, the sensation of smell washing over you, your mouth salivating and your tummy grumbling. You pomf back down into your computer chair and tactically wrap the blanket around your body so just your head and arms remain without. And you eat. And you smile. You are happy. God bless tendies and God bless America.

Anonymous 06/18/19(Tue)03:43:16 No.52961056 287 KB JPG Sure a restaurant might be nice, but nothing will ever beat a box of tendies on a comfy winter evening. Hearing the ding of the oven you get up from your computer chair, still wrapped in your blanket that drags across the floor as you walk, your feet insulated by thick sock, your body clad in soft, warm pajamas. You down the hallway, the house is silent save for the light pitter patter of your footsteps. You enter the kitchen, lit solely by the light inside the oven. You open it up and see the steaming hot tendies, ready and waiting just for you. Carefully you slide them from the tray onto a plate, you reach into the fridge quickly to grab your sauce of choice. You saunter back to your room in a dreamlike state, the sensation of smell washing over you, your mouth salivating and your tummy grumbling. You pomf back down into your computer chair and tactically wrap the blanket around your body so just your head and arms remain without. And you eat. And you smile. You are happy. God bless tendies and God bless America.

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Anon try’s to be Driver | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous You are a real human bean >Watch Drive for the first time >Want to be like driver And a real hero 23 KB JPG 06/16/22(Thu)16:28:57 No.880269542 >Buy scorpion jacket off Amazon >It arrives and is party city level garbage but f--- it >Go into subway >See 8.5/10 at counter >She asks what type of bread I'd like >Wait 3 seconds >"Italian" >Continue to pause between each thing I'd want on my sandwich >She becomes visibly uncomfortable >Panic >"I drive" >She looks up and doesn't say a word >She gives me my total >Forgot to bring cash >ohfuck.png >Walk out of store without saying a word Real human being

: Anonymous You are a real human bean >Watch Drive for the first time >Want to be like driver And a real hero 23 KB JPG 06/16/22(Thu)16:28:57 No.880269542 >Buy scorpion jacket off Amazon >It arrives and is party city level garbage but f--- it >Go into subway >See 8.5/10 at counter >She asks what type of bread I'd like >Wait 3 seconds >"Italian" >Continue to pause between each thing I'd want on my sandwich >She becomes visibly uncomfortable >Panic >"I drive" >She looks up and doesn't say a word >She gives me my total >Forgot to bring cash >ohfuck.png >Walk out of store without saying a word Real human being

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Two weeks and you ran away | /r/Greentext

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Anon watches The Menu (2022) | /r/Greentext

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As I lay dreaming | /r/Greentext

18m (1/6 21:53) · 76023583 · 3 Re · 0 Img JPG 6KB (172 × 158) - pepe.jpg : >be me >sleepyhead >go to be and drift into dreamy land >have that dream again where I crawl into my mommy's bed and make sweet love to her while she weeps and can't do anything about it cause I'm big bodied and she's skinny >wake up with coomies in my undies >go to her room and watch her sleep for 15 mins then go back to bed anons, never in my 25 years of life have i felt so attracted to her. My dreams are becoming more lucid and my lust grows stronger. I fear for my mommy's safety

18m (1/6 21:53) · 76023583 · 3 Re · 0 Img JPG 6KB (172 × 158) - pepe.jpg : >be me >sleepyhead >go to be and drift into dreamy land >have that dream again where I crawl into my mommy's bed and make sweet love to her while she weeps and can't do anything about it cause I'm big bodied and she's skinny >wake up with coomies in my undies >go to her room and watch her sleep for 15 mins then go back to bed anons, never in my 25 years of life have i felt so attracted to her. My dreams are becoming more lucid and my lust grows stronger. I fear for my mommy's safety

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anon's son is a little odd | /r/Greentext

>with son (7) in the backyard today >see he's fiddling with something in the grass >"what are you doing carter?" >"playing with a frog!" >walk over >he's ripping all the limbs off what the f--- do I do about this 6 KB JPG

>with son (7) in the backyard today >see he's fiddling with something in the grass >"what are you doing carter?" >"playing with a frog!" >walk over >he's ripping all the limbs off what the f--- do I do about this 6 KB JPG

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Anons favorite Jackass stunt | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 1.94 MB WEBM : Anonymous 01/05/24(Fri)15:16:37 No.194422353 Name the Jackass bit/stunt that made you laugh the hardest from any time in your life. 01/05/24(Fri)15:20:47 No.194422579 ARZU bam throwing up.jpg 24 KB JPG >>194422353 (OP) # >just venmo a dollEURGH

: Anonymous 1.94 MB WEBM : Anonymous 01/05/24(Fri)15:16:37 No.194422353 Name the Jackass bit/stunt that made you laugh the hardest from any time in your life. 01/05/24(Fri)15:20:47 No.194422579 ARZU bam throwing up.jpg 24 KB JPG >>194422353 (OP) # >just venmo a dollEURGH

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Messed up last minute | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: djAv6kBP) 194 KB JPG 01/06/24(Sat)17:18:09 No.19346972 Keeps me up at night >meet girl last semester >we have 3 classes together >we talk every day, hangout every day >become best friends >l eventually ask her out, we go out, have a good time. >end of night, go separate ways to cars >she parked in garage near by >"maybe i should walk her to her car" >end up following her in the dark speed walking to her >finally catch up, shes startled and confused >literally cant think of a word to say >"sorry bye" >leave >ghosted, messages not even opened to this day. Autism is a hell of a thing bros

: Anonymous (ID: djAv6kBP) 194 KB JPG 01/06/24(Sat)17:18:09 No.19346972 Keeps me up at night >meet girl last semester >we have 3 classes together >we talk every day, hangout every day >become best friends >l eventually ask her out, we go out, have a good time. >end of night, go separate ways to cars >she parked in garage near by >"maybe i should walk her to her car" >end up following her in the dark speed walking to her >finally catch up, shes startled and confused >literally cant think of a word to say >"sorry bye" >leave >ghosted, messages not even opened to this day. Autism is a hell of a thing bros

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Anon can't get a gf | /r/Greentext

File: sad-brown-man.jpg (54 KB, 612x408) > can't get a reply back on tinder/bumble is it over bros? □ Anonymous 01/06/24 (Sat)09:16:19 No.76021722 >>76021730 >>76021948 76022306 >>76022323 >>76022338 >>76022365 >>76022394 >>76022413 > graduated university > am engineer > live in major US city > make over 100k > in my late 20s > workout 4 times a week > am indian > never had a gf should I give up on the self-improvement pill bros? should I just be an incel again? ☐ Anonymous 01/06/24 (Sat)10:24:38 No.76022323 >>76021722 (OP) >implying you weren't always a incel You cannot go back to being a incel if you've never redeemed sex to begin with sir.

File: sad-brown-man.jpg (54 KB, 612x408) > can't get a reply back on tinder/bumble is it over bros? □ Anonymous 01/06/24 (Sat)09:16:19 No.76021722 >>76021730 >>76021948 76022306 >>76022323 >>76022338 >>76022365 >>76022394 >>76022413 > graduated university > am engineer > live in major US city > make over 100k > in my late 20s > workout 4 times a week > am indian > never had a gf should I give up on the self-improvement pill bros? should I just be an incel again? ☐ Anonymous 01/06/24 (Sat)10:24:38 No.76022323 >>76021722 (OP) >implying you weren't always a incel You cannot go back to being a incel if you've never redeemed sex to begin with sir.

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