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Anon drew babana in 1th grade | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 13 KB JPG 80081E5 : Anonymous >1th /SCI/ - SCIENCE & MATH View Announcement 12/17/17(Sun)21:56:15 No.754124819 > Back in 1th grade > Teacher ask to write my name > Draw a banana > Gets a F and public exposure I hate my life 12/17/17(Sun)21:58:23 No.754125046 You deserve what you got op
: Anonymous 13 KB JPG 80081E5 : Anonymous >1th /SCI/ - SCIENCE & MATH View Announcement 12/17/17(Sun)21:56:15 No.754124819 > Back in 1th grade > Teacher ask to write my name > Draw a banana > Gets a F and public exposure I hate my life 12/17/17(Sun)21:58:23 No.754125046 You deserve what you got op

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Anon is about 7 years too early | /r/Greentext

File: queen-elizabeth-ii-jewell(...).jpg (112 KB, 433x531) GOLGO O Anonymous 06/04/15(Thu)00:35:52 No.619538345 [Reply] ► Elizabeth II is kill, is that true? Anonymous 06/04/15(Thu)00:37:06 No.619538460 Who cares fallout 4 is announced
File: queen-elizabeth-ii-jewell(...).jpg (112 KB, 433x531) GOLGO O Anonymous 06/04/15(Thu)00:35:52 No.619538345 [Reply] ► Elizabeth II is kill, is that true? Anonymous 06/04/15(Thu)00:37:06 No.619538460 Who cares fallout 4 is announced

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Not a green text but /b at its finest | /r/Greentext

CASPER ASPIRITED BEGINNING # 63.jpg 425 KB JPG 24 TM The cover of this movie always made me laugh when I was a kid because I imagined chris was about to be r---- by the ghostly trio while casper just kinda stood there and smiled.
CASPER ASPIRITED BEGINNING # 63.jpg 425 KB JPG 24 TM The cover of this movie always made me laugh when I was a kid because I imagined chris was about to be r---- by the ghostly trio while casper just kinda stood there and smiled.

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anon uses the bathroom | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Y the 211 KB JPG 08/16/16(Tue)12:24:09 No.699763279 >be fat >go to /fit/ and find a solution >main problem is i eat like a dumpster >apparently things with loads of fiber is going to save my filthy soul >"Fiber is digested slowly, leaving you feeling full longer, and helps with digestion" >go out and buy two boxes of fiber-heavy breakfast bars >the first day i have fiber bars for breakfast, lunch and a lot of snacks >i dont s--- that day >next day i fiber myself up even more >i dont s--- that day either >fiber jesus is surely working his magic in my colon >can feel the pounds dropping off because im not very hungry anymore >i dont s--- the third day >i dont s--- the fourth day >thefinaldaydawns.mp3 >i have my morning coffee and feel my insides rumble in that familiar way >the second i hit the toilet the weirdest fart in the world exits me >it's whistling >just a thin, continuous airstream of fart that smells like grandpapas coffin >no sound other than the whistling hiss >suddenly stops >the hole is plugged >SOS >this s--- is so solid it feels like i'm giving a--- birth to Dwayne "The rock" Johnson >hang on to the shower curtain and pray >the rock is shot out of my a------ at mach speed >my entire ass is covered in toilet water >now the fun begins >a fart that could do more damage to the ozone layer than aerosol ever did is shooting s--- bullets out of me >solid and prefectly round nuggets >the smell is killing me >blacking out >the thuds of nuggets shooting around the bowl propelled by my insane fiber flatulence is giving me war flashbacks >iwasntevenin'nam.jpeg >my guts are yelling in german >sounds like a moose in heat lives in my belly >most of the s--- isn't even digested at this point >just forced out by all the gas that had been building up to my throat >after an hour it finally seems to be over >im shivering and crying >both legs collapse as i try to stand up >my stomach hitting the bathroom tiles forces one last trumpet >gondorcallsforaid.rar >shakily wipe my ass >completely clean
: Anonymous Y the 211 KB JPG 08/16/16(Tue)12:24:09 No.699763279 >be fat >go to /fit/ and find a solution >main problem is i eat like a dumpster >apparently things with loads of fiber is going to save my filthy soul >"Fiber is digested slowly, leaving you feeling full longer, and helps with digestion" >go out and buy two boxes of fiber-heavy breakfast bars >the first day i have fiber bars for breakfast, lunch and a lot of snacks >i dont s--- that day >next day i fiber myself up even more >i dont s--- that day either >fiber jesus is surely working his magic in my colon >can feel the pounds dropping off because im not very hungry anymore >i dont s--- the third day >i dont s--- the fourth day >thefinaldaydawns.mp3 >i have my morning coffee and feel my insides rumble in that familiar way >the second i hit the toilet the weirdest fart in the world exits me >it's whistling >just a thin, continuous airstream of fart that smells like grandpapas coffin >no sound other than the whistling hiss >suddenly stops >the hole is plugged >SOS >this s--- is so solid it feels like i'm giving a--- birth to Dwayne "The rock" Johnson >hang on to the shower curtain and pray >the rock is shot out of my a------ at mach speed >my entire ass is covered in toilet water >now the fun begins >a fart that could do more damage to the ozone layer than aerosol ever did is shooting s--- bullets out of me >solid and prefectly round nuggets >the smell is killing me >blacking out >the thuds of nuggets shooting around the bowl propelled by my insane fiber flatulence is giving me war flashbacks >iwasntevenin'nam.jpeg >my guts are yelling in german >sounds like a moose in heat lives in my belly >most of the s--- isn't even digested at this point >just forced out by all the gas that had been building up to my throat >after an hour it finally seems to be over >im shivering and crying >both legs collapse as i try to stand up >my stomach hitting the bathroom tiles forces one last trumpet >gondorcallsforaid.rar >shakily wipe my ass >completely clean

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Anon hears the news | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 65 8 KB JPG 09/08/22(Thu)22:40:57 No.885299877 >Lived just long enough to not have Boris Johnson speak at her funeral Unfathomably based
: Anonymous 65 8 KB JPG 09/08/22(Thu)22:40:57 No.885299877 >Lived just long enough to not have Boris Johnson speak at her funeral Unfathomably based

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Nordic gods help anon | /r/Greentext

Anonymous Different gods answer 573 KB PNG 09/05/22(Mon)20:29:00 No.32804290 >Be me >Be catholic my entire life >Night before uni finals prayed to Odin for wisdom since I was f----- for the test and had never had God help me immediately >Get to test >Pass it easily >Try again asking for strength, knowledge and fertility from various Norse Gods and Goddesses >They deliver What the f--- do I do? Why does God never answer yet Odin unironically does. I don't want to stem from my faith and shouldn't ask things of other gods but they seem more than happy to help me when God remains silent. 27 Replies / 2 Images View Thread
Anonymous Different gods answer 573 KB PNG 09/05/22(Mon)20:29:00 No.32804290 >Be me >Be catholic my entire life >Night before uni finals prayed to Odin for wisdom since I was f----- for the test and had never had God help me immediately >Get to test >Pass it easily >Try again asking for strength, knowledge and fertility from various Norse Gods and Goddesses >They deliver What the f--- do I do? Why does God never answer yet Odin unironically does. I don't want to stem from my faith and shouldn't ask things of other gods but they seem more than happy to help me when God remains silent. 27 Replies / 2 Images View Thread

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anon gets banned | /r/Greentext

3 REPLIES >PAY for subscription to service >figure out how their Ul communicates with their backend >start pulling the full history of data from their API >get banned It's just not fair.
3 REPLIES >PAY for subscription to service >figure out how their Ul communicates with their backend >start pulling the full history of data from their API >get banned It's just not fair.

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Anon sleeps well at night | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 96 KB JPG 10/12/17(Thu)23:00:07 No.40366294 >love having pressure on top of me >buy a weighted blanket so I can have something snug and warm lay on top of me and feel like I'm being hugged >do more research >find out weighted blankets are made for autistic kids oh no
Anonymous 96 KB JPG 10/12/17(Thu)23:00:07 No.40366294 >love having pressure on top of me >buy a weighted blanket so I can have something snug and warm lay on top of me and feel like I'm being hugged >do more research >find out weighted blankets are made for autistic kids oh no

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>it'll get better | /r/Greentext

>it'll get better in high school >it'll get better in college >it'l' get better in university >it will get better when i have a job
>it'll get better in high school >it'll get better in college >it'l' get better in university >it will get better when i have a job

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Anon tells it how it is | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 25 KB JPG 05/29/22(Sun)00:26:22 When did south park stop being cool? No.168747534 05/29/22(Sun)00:27:17 No.168747561 : Anonymous >>168747534 (OP) # When the world's absurdity surpassed the show's >>168749262 # >>168750212 # >>168752046 # >>168752114 # >>168752168 # >>168752303 # >>168755825 #
: Anonymous 25 KB JPG 05/29/22(Sun)00:26:22 When did south park stop being cool? No.168747534 05/29/22(Sun)00:27:17 No.168747561 : Anonymous >>168747534 (OP) # When the world's absurdity surpassed the show's >>168749262 # >>168750212 # >>168752046 # >>168752114 # >>168752168 # >>168752303 # >>168755825 #

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Anon ponders about woman | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous I hate liking someone but then they ruin it by liking you back 3:31 PM. 09/26/21(Sun)19:33:23 No.65534339 1 Retweet 9 Likes Twitter for iPhone womenmoment5216.png 17 KB PNG >introduce myself to QT chick from class >hit it off big >she constantly hits me up, sends selfies, flirts, and trys her best to text me >eventually ask her out after 3 days of talking and she happily accepts >she then very suddenly stops texting me and blowing off plans on meeting saying generic "oh im busy all of a sudden!" >find her twitter >pic related What the f--- do women even want?
: Anonymous I hate liking someone but then they ruin it by liking you back 3:31 PM. 09/26/21(Sun)19:33:23 No.65534339 1 Retweet 9 Likes Twitter for iPhone womenmoment5216.png 17 KB PNG >introduce myself to QT chick from class >hit it off big >she constantly hits me up, sends selfies, flirts, and trys her best to text me >eventually ask her out after 3 days of talking and she happily accepts >she then very suddenly stops texting me and blowing off plans on meeting saying generic "oh im busy all of a sudden!" >find her twitter >pic related What the f--- do women even want?

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anon is oblivious | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 278 KB JPG 12/15/17 (Fri)19:18:00 No.753951070 >went to store 1 hour before closing >gather my s--- and head to the checkout >cashier solid 7/10 >start casual conversation about assholes who come in 5 mintues before closing, and about our non-existent weekend plans >payed and about head out Did I just cuck myself? Pic unrelated >she says "you know, my shift is almost done" >me "alright! have a good weekend, bye!"
Anonymous 278 KB JPG 12/15/17 (Fri)19:18:00 No.753951070 >went to store 1 hour before closing >gather my s--- and head to the checkout >cashier solid 7/10 >start casual conversation about assholes who come in 5 mintues before closing, and about our non-existent weekend plans >payed and about head out Did I just cuck myself? Pic unrelated >she says "you know, my shift is almost done" >me "alright! have a good weekend, bye!"

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Femanon is promiscuous | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 09/08/22(Thu)16:16:31 No.70131132 267 KB PNG Be fem >slut around, have sex with 100 guys >no one gives a f---, all is good and you are loved >ask a guy for a little cash in exchange for your p---- >the entire world breaks in on you and everyone calls you a stinking w---- who "sold" her p---- just because you wanted a little bit of monetary compensation I thought feminism prevented this, but I guess not. 15 Replies / 1 Image View Thread Anonymous 09/08/22(Thu)20:22:25 No.70132414 You're a w---- either way. At least doing it for money is slightly less bad. Put down the crack pipe, nobody thinks it is OK for you to have double digit body count.
Anonymous 09/08/22(Thu)16:16:31 No.70131132 267 KB PNG Be fem >slut around, have sex with 100 guys >no one gives a f---, all is good and you are loved >ask a guy for a little cash in exchange for your p---- >the entire world breaks in on you and everyone calls you a stinking w---- who "sold" her p---- just because you wanted a little bit of monetary compensation I thought feminism prevented this, but I guess not. 15 Replies / 1 Image View Thread Anonymous 09/08/22(Thu)20:22:25 No.70132414 You're a w---- either way. At least doing it for money is slightly less bad. Put down the crack pipe, nobody thinks it is OK for you to have double digit body count.

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A sincere warning | /r/Greentext

3E775452-C2AC-41D2-88DE-F4076AE1EE23.jpg 157 KB JPG Approach my pond if you dare I will not simply kill you, I will bend time and space in such a way that you will never have even existed to begin with.
3E775452-C2AC-41D2-88DE-F4076AE1EE23.jpg 157 KB JPG Approach my pond if you dare I will not simply kill you, I will bend time and space in such a way that you will never have even existed to begin with.

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Anon Is A Man Of God | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 150 KB JPG 05/26/20(Tue)01:28:31 No.58340533 >be me >christian >have 3.5 peener >gf wanted sex >told her the big NO >gf breaks up >drive home sad >got into car accident >went to heaven >meet god >God shakes my hand >he whispered >"mah n----" >i smiled >sent back to earth
: Anonymous 150 KB JPG 05/26/20(Tue)01:28:31 No.58340533 >be me >christian >have 3.5 peener >gf wanted sex >told her the big NO >gf breaks up >drive home sad >got into car accident >went to heaven >meet god >God shakes my hand >he whispered >"mah n----" >i smiled >sent back to earth

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Anon encounters humans | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous H 114 KB JPG 09/08/22(Thu)20:45:21 No.70132532 >be me >friend asks if I want to go hiking with him and some girls he knows >I'm writing on this board, so you can imagine that I'm not the kind of person who is totally comfortable around women >take courage and say yes >my first goal is not to look autistic >start wonder which are possible answers to give them when they will ask me stuff like "what do you do in your life" >like the retard I am, I prepare a possible answer to basically every question about my life they can ask >the day comes >I talk without embarassment and I don't look like a freak >goal reached >still... there is something wrong >realize that I haven't used a single one of the answers that I've prepared >realize that they didn't ask a single question about my life 4 Replies I don't know how to interpretate this, but thinking back on how the day went, it looked to me like they didn't give a single f--- about me View Thread Anonymous 09/08/22(Thu)20:49:18 No.70132552 Congratulations, you've figured out that social encounters almost never go as planned and that people don't give a s---. Did you try to get them to open up about their lives? If you didn't display interest in them, it's hard to expect they'd be interested in your life.
: Anonymous H 114 KB JPG 09/08/22(Thu)20:45:21 No.70132532 >be me >friend asks if I want to go hiking with him and some girls he knows >I'm writing on this board, so you can imagine that I'm not the kind of person who is totally comfortable around women >take courage and say yes >my first goal is not to look autistic >start wonder which are possible answers to give them when they will ask me stuff like "what do you do in your life" >like the retard I am, I prepare a possible answer to basically every question about my life they can ask >the day comes >I talk without embarassment and I don't look like a freak >goal reached >still... there is something wrong >realize that I haven't used a single one of the answers that I've prepared >realize that they didn't ask a single question about my life 4 Replies I don't know how to interpretate this, but thinking back on how the day went, it looked to me like they didn't give a single f--- about me View Thread Anonymous 09/08/22(Thu)20:49:18 No.70132552 Congratulations, you've figured out that social encounters almost never go as planned and that people don't give a s---. Did you try to get them to open up about their lives? If you didn't display interest in them, it's hard to expect they'd be interested in your life.

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Anon seeks revenge | /r/Greentext


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Anon likes yaoi | /r/Greentext


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anon is a total chad | /r/Greentext


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Anon’s orangutan experience | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 09/05/22(Mon)14:36:34 No.4294466 You enter a white room. To your left is a beautiful woman made lawful to you, to your right is an orangutan with a xylophone. You can only spend 24 with one of them, who do you choose? >>4294468 # >>4294509 # >>4296477 # 09/08/22(Thu)00:31:15 No.4296477 Anonymous >>4294466 # There is one answer, and no other. Let me paint you a picture. >you enter a white room, nothing inside but two doors. >one labeled "beautiful woman", other "xylophone Orangutan" >you go into the "beautiful woman" door, 24 hours of non stop nagging about random s---. >go into orangutan door, the hippest primate you ever did see is staring at you >the only thing in his eyes is pure happiness at what's in front of him >you both jam out together, taking turns on the xylophone >you bid him a-due, and say your eternal goodbyes. >you remember him fondly for years to come >one day, your in a dark alleyway, and getting mugged >suddenly, you hear the sounds of a xylophone. >your mugger is knocked down with the force of 1000 notes >"you saved my life all those years ago, now I save yours, Ooo ah ah" >you shed a tear
Anonymous 09/05/22(Mon)14:36:34 No.4294466 You enter a white room. To your left is a beautiful woman made lawful to you, to your right is an orangutan with a xylophone. You can only spend 24 with one of them, who do you choose? >>4294468 # >>4294509 # >>4296477 # 09/08/22(Thu)00:31:15 No.4296477 Anonymous >>4294466 # There is one answer, and no other. Let me paint you a picture. >you enter a white room, nothing inside but two doors. >one labeled "beautiful woman", other "xylophone Orangutan" >you go into the "beautiful woman" door, 24 hours of non stop nagging about random s---. >go into orangutan door, the hippest primate you ever did see is staring at you >the only thing in his eyes is pure happiness at what's in front of him >you both jam out together, taking turns on the xylophone >you bid him a-due, and say your eternal goodbyes. >you remember him fondly for years to come >one day, your in a dark alleyway, and getting mugged >suddenly, you hear the sounds of a xylophone. >your mugger is knocked down with the force of 1000 notes >"you saved my life all those years ago, now I save yours, Ooo ah ah" >you shed a tear

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