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Calmest 4Chan Driver | /r/Greentext

49m (3/5 13:44) · 67666940 13 Re. 2 Img JPG 42KB (736 × 785) 1 Reply >woman cuts me off >her d------- daughter is sticking her tongue out at me from the passenger window >follow them home ... I do this every time a woman pisses me off in traffic and mark each one of their addresses in google maps for when i finally snap. I make it very obvious that I'm following them and hope it makes them uncomfortable. Anyone else do this?
49m (3/5 13:44) · 67666940 13 Re. 2 Img JPG 42KB (736 × 785) 1 Reply >woman cuts me off >her d------- daughter is sticking her tongue out at me from the passenger window >follow them home ... I do this every time a woman pisses me off in traffic and mark each one of their addresses in google maps for when i finally snap. I make it very obvious that I'm following them and hope it makes them uncomfortable. Anyone else do this?

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anon asks a rhetorical question | /r/Greentext

Anonymous Cassowary thread Guy Verkroost 06/12/22(Sun)16:01:52 No.4203921 Cappoin CassowaryCorner-1434053312626626566-20210904_101847-img1.jpg 485 KB JPG Would you go on a picnic with a cassowary?
Anonymous Cassowary thread Guy Verkroost 06/12/22(Sun)16:01:52 No.4203921 Cappoin CassowaryCorner-1434053312626626566-20210904_101847-img1.jpg 485 KB JPG Would you go on a picnic with a cassowary?

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Anon hasn’t showered a long time | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: 6xZOA/Vb 202 KB JPG 02/10/22(Thu)14:35:13 No.360556791 I havent showered in 10 months results: >zero blemishes, blackheads, pimples >bald spot on my scalp actually - regrowing- in >mosquitos and bugs dont bite me anymore first month was rough and smelled like a carcass and itched. after that, i felt like a beast of nature in equilibrium hence. skin just flakes off naturally, i think the thicker dermis contributes to bug invulnerabilty. humans are mostly hairless animals, not scrubbing the skin daily seems to allow it to work how its intended to. people say i just smell like nothing now, probably good for bears not picking up scent and whatnot. feels based. thats all i have to report for now. Is soap tax a must?
Anonymous (ID: 6xZOA/Vb 202 KB JPG 02/10/22(Thu)14:35:13 No.360556791 I havent showered in 10 months results: >zero blemishes, blackheads, pimples >bald spot on my scalp actually - regrowing- in >mosquitos and bugs dont bite me anymore first month was rough and smelled like a carcass and itched. after that, i felt like a beast of nature in equilibrium hence. skin just flakes off naturally, i think the thicker dermis contributes to bug invulnerabilty. humans are mostly hairless animals, not scrubbing the skin daily seems to allow it to work how its intended to. people say i just smell like nothing now, probably good for bears not picking up scent and whatnot. feels based. thats all i have to report for now. Is soap tax a must?

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Anon regrets a hookup | /r/Greentext

Mentally and Physically I'm this pie 61 KB JPG >Met a girl over the weekend dressed as Ms Frizzle from the Magic School Bus GOD DAMN IT. >I'm dressed up as Quailman from Doug >We hit it off and end up going back to her apartment >End up f------ >She tells me by text today that she's an escort >I 69'd an escort >Going today to get tested
Mentally and Physically I'm this pie 61 KB JPG >Met a girl over the weekend dressed as Ms Frizzle from the Magic School Bus GOD DAMN IT. >I'm dressed up as Quailman from Doug >We hit it off and end up going back to her apartment >End up f------ >She tells me by text today that she's an escort >I 69'd an escort >Going today to get tested

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Hitting the limit | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 808 KB JPG 09/04/21 (Sat)13:49:50 No.65256669 >"Men can't change!" >"People never change!" >"A leopard never changes its spots!" >these are all common phrases >however... >my grandfather stopped beating up Grandmother when he was around 42 or 43 years old (they married when he was 23) >he died at 85, and in the remaining second half of his life NEVER hit her again even a single time >she died when he was 80, so he had around 38 years to hit her, but he never ever did How will ever "people can never change" cucks ever recover? btfo
: Anonymous 808 KB JPG 09/04/21 (Sat)13:49:50 No.65256669 >"Men can't change!" >"People never change!" >"A leopard never changes its spots!" >these are all common phrases >however... >my grandfather stopped beating up Grandmother when he was around 42 or 43 years old (they married when he was 23) >he died at 85, and in the remaining second half of his life NEVER hit her again even a single time >she died when he was 80, so he had around 38 years to hit her, but he never ever did How will ever "people can never change" cucks ever recover? btfo

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Anon wants more time with his gf | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 17 KB PNG 05/29/22(Sun)22:26:40 No.68830688 >Girlfriend stop hanging out with me early because she wants to go home to take a poop >Confront her about it one day, telling her it's OK to use my bathroom to poop >She says she's too embarrassed about the possibility of stinking up my apartment. >Tell her just flush the minute poops hits the bowl, and there will be pretty much no smell. That the only reason bathrooms stink up is because people leave their poop in the bowl while they sit there or get up to wipe. >This is a huge revelation to her. She tries it out, and is amazed. Apparently I am the poop savior now. Women are silly.
Anonymous 17 KB PNG 05/29/22(Sun)22:26:40 No.68830688 >Girlfriend stop hanging out with me early because she wants to go home to take a poop >Confront her about it one day, telling her it's OK to use my bathroom to poop >She says she's too embarrassed about the possibility of stinking up my apartment. >Tell her just flush the minute poops hits the bowl, and there will be pretty much no smell. That the only reason bathrooms stink up is because people leave their poop in the bowl while they sit there or get up to wipe. >This is a huge revelation to her. She tries it out, and is amazed. Apparently I am the poop savior now. Women are silly.

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Anon is not very condident | /r/Greentext

2d (10/28 16:43). 17315706 19 Re. 1 Img.PNG 42KB (1680 x 1080) 12 Replies >get dressed >feel handsome and confident >look at myself in the mirror >see a handsome man in my reflection >feel good about myself >go out >feel like everyone is staring at me weirdly >look at myself in a window reflection or a mirror >a pathetic fool trying too hard stares back at me >feel like a clown
2d (10/28 16:43). 17315706 19 Re. 1 Img.PNG 42KB (1680 x 1080) 12 Replies >get dressed >feel handsome and confident >look at myself in the mirror >see a handsome man in my reflection >feel good about myself >go out >feel like everyone is staring at me weirdly >look at myself in a window reflection or a mirror >a pathetic fool trying too hard stares back at me >feel like a clown

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girl on WoW. | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 150 KB JPG 03/08/22(Tue)08:06:59 No.67699733 Has a girl ever stopped talking to you after you showed your face to them on the internet? Anonymous >>67699733 (OP) Multiple times. One example: >meet girl (female) on WoW >hit it off and spend a month talking on the phone every night >she wants to trade pictures 03/08/22 (Tue)08:18:09 No.67699810 >she's a qt3.14 somehow w-- >send mine >raucous laughter erupts in the background from what I assume is a friend or sister >"that's what he looks like!?" >"oh my god hahaha" >phone hangs up >next day discover I've been thrown out of guild and blocked for 'harassing a female member'
Anonymous 150 KB JPG 03/08/22(Tue)08:06:59 No.67699733 Has a girl ever stopped talking to you after you showed your face to them on the internet? Anonymous >>67699733 (OP) Multiple times. One example: >meet girl (female) on WoW >hit it off and spend a month talking on the phone every night >she wants to trade pictures 03/08/22 (Tue)08:18:09 No.67699810 >she's a qt3.14 somehow w-- >send mine >raucous laughter erupts in the background from what I assume is a friend or sister >"that's what he looks like!?" >"oh my god hahaha" >phone hangs up >next day discover I've been thrown out of guild and blocked for 'harassing a female member'

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Anon gets his mom a gift | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 208 KB JPG 11/01/22(Tue)11:16:03 No.888336521 >moms birthday coming up >11yo me wants to buy her a gift with my own money >can't figure out what to buy her >randomly remembered people in a movie or show talking about how good the book of Karma Sutra is >go to book store and find a book about Karma Sutra >old lady at the counter has no idea what it is so she rings me up and sends me on my way >I don't even open the book I just wrap it up and wait >come mom's birthday >I hand her the neatly wrapped book >she opens it and doesn't say a word for a few seconds >just has a confused look >"where the hell did you get this?" >think she's happy >end up going to therapy a few weeks later
: Anonymous 208 KB JPG 11/01/22(Tue)11:16:03 No.888336521 >moms birthday coming up >11yo me wants to buy her a gift with my own money >can't figure out what to buy her >randomly remembered people in a movie or show talking about how good the book of Karma Sutra is >go to book store and find a book about Karma Sutra >old lady at the counter has no idea what it is so she rings me up and sends me on my way >I don't even open the book I just wrap it up and wait >come mom's birthday >I hand her the neatly wrapped book >she opens it and doesn't say a word for a few seconds >just has a confused look >"where the hell did you get this?" >think she's happy >end up going to therapy a few weeks later

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anon is autistic | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Anon tries to get weed 27 KB JPG 11/02/22(Wed)11:15:49 No.70825698 >be me 23y old autist >I only got weed from dark market cuz i have no connections with locals >Last order never came got scammed for 450 >Goes in grindr to ask locals about weed >Btw i aint gay >One dude told me to go to a specific cafeteria and ask for one young waitor >Wait outside for 1 hour just to plan my approach >Finally ask but the waitor seemed confused >Pfffff i said again some weed >He said he doesn't understand >I leave i asked again the same guy ...f--- acc is not active anymore >F--- again sober
: Anonymous Anon tries to get weed 27 KB JPG 11/02/22(Wed)11:15:49 No.70825698 >be me 23y old autist >I only got weed from dark market cuz i have no connections with locals >Last order never came got scammed for 450 >Goes in grindr to ask locals about weed >Btw i aint gay >One dude told me to go to a specific cafeteria and ask for one young waitor >Wait outside for 1 hour just to plan my approach >Finally ask but the waitor seemed confused >Pfffff i said again some weed >He said he doesn't understand >I leave i asked again the same guy ...f--- acc is not active anymore >F--- again sober

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Anon is suicidal | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 12/08/14(Mon)20:06:46 No.15084767 >only know two numbers >domino's and suicide hotline >accidentally call domino's when feeling suicidal >guy answering the phone doesn't know what to do >offers me a free pizza >>15084827 >>15084856 >>15084926 >>15084971 >mfw that kept my from killing myself that night >mfw domino's does a better job than the suicide hotline
Anonymous 12/08/14(Mon)20:06:46 No.15084767 >only know two numbers >domino's and suicide hotline >accidentally call domino's when feeling suicidal >guy answering the phone doesn't know what to do >offers me a free pizza >>15084827 >>15084856 >>15084926 >>15084971 >mfw that kept my from killing myself that night >mfw domino's does a better job than the suicide hotline

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Elevator Conspiracy | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 141 KB JPG 07/20/21(Tue)11:26:46 No.64643822 : Anonymous >get in >door closes 232 KB JPG >?????????????? >on a new floor you retards really believe this s---? : Anonymous >>64643822 (OP) # >NOOOOO000 EVELATORS AREN'T PORTALS TO OTHER DIMENSIONS BECAUSE..... THEY JUST AREN'T OKKK?!!!??? 07/20/21(Tue)11:28:36 No.64643838 Anonymous 07/20/21(Tue)11:29:32 No.64643846 >>64643822 (OP) # >not exclusively riding glass elevators 07/20/21(Tue)11:31:37 No.64643873 >>64643822 (OP) # >get in >door closes >???????????????? >in a new country how?
: Anonymous 141 KB JPG 07/20/21(Tue)11:26:46 No.64643822 : Anonymous >get in >door closes 232 KB JPG >?????????????? >on a new floor you retards really believe this s---? : Anonymous >>64643822 (OP) # >NOOOOO000 EVELATORS AREN'T PORTALS TO OTHER DIMENSIONS BECAUSE..... THEY JUST AREN'T OKKK?!!!??? 07/20/21(Tue)11:28:36 No.64643838 Anonymous 07/20/21(Tue)11:29:32 No.64643846 >>64643822 (OP) # >not exclusively riding glass elevators 07/20/21(Tue)11:31:37 No.64643873 >>64643822 (OP) # >get in >door closes >???????????????? >in a new country how?

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wanted to fuck his sister... | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 13 KB PNG 12/03/21(Fri)01:18:32 No.66405526 >be me >have a degenerate sister >stalk her twitter sometimes and found she has an onlyfans >want to show her the dangers of showing her body on the internet >idea.jpg >subscribe to her onlyfans with a fake name >earn her thrust and also troll her by paying for specific videos like toe spreading, shoving her brother's (me) controller up her vag, sucking her t--- etc etc >troll her by asking her to record a video with her brother (know she would never do that) >unsurprisingly she rejects my request >tell her that I know where she lives and if she doesn't deliver she'll suffer the consequences >sis thinks it's just a bluff >write our adress to scare her >mom is sewing on the couch next to our big window >idea2.png >tell her her mom looks cute sewing >tell her to be careful while she sleeps >bitch blocks me >be dinner time >she looks really anxious and isnt talking much Hope she learns her f------ lesson
: Anonymous 13 KB PNG 12/03/21(Fri)01:18:32 No.66405526 >be me >have a degenerate sister >stalk her twitter sometimes and found she has an onlyfans >want to show her the dangers of showing her body on the internet >idea.jpg >subscribe to her onlyfans with a fake name >earn her thrust and also troll her by paying for specific videos like toe spreading, shoving her brother's (me) controller up her vag, sucking her t--- etc etc >troll her by asking her to record a video with her brother (know she would never do that) >unsurprisingly she rejects my request >tell her that I know where she lives and if she doesn't deliver she'll suffer the consequences >sis thinks it's just a bluff >write our adress to scare her >mom is sewing on the couch next to our big window >idea2.png >tell her her mom looks cute sewing >tell her to be careful while she sleeps >bitch blocks me >be dinner time >she looks really anxious and isnt talking much Hope she learns her f------ lesson

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Anon says no to a second date | /r/Greentext

30 KB JPG Why are American women brain dead troglodytes? >Meet a girl at the dog park >Seems cool, pretty, and our dogs get along >Find out she is a retail supervisor, so we talk about the s----- hours >She finds out I'm a scientist working in clinical research (Oncology) >Talks about her mother's cancer treatment >Asks if I have kids. Nope, but tell her I want kids in the future >She doesn't have kids either, just the dog >She said it was "refreshing" talking with me >She asks me for my number >Set up a coffee date for yesterday >She shows up with a friend >Asks me to pay for both of them >I agree, it's just coffee, but I'm bummed >She asks for a dinner date for today or later this week and invites her friend >I say no because I thought it was going to just be us on a date >"OH SO YOU CANT AFFORD IT?" No bitch, I can. I'm just not a meal ticket for you and your friend. >She says if I want to be a dad I should be able to afford a third otherwise I'm not ready >I tell her if she wants to be a mom that she needs to learn to set boundaries and it's clear she's not ready >She gets p----- and goes off on me >Her friend texts me that I'm an a------ >Block them both F---, how am I the bad guy?
30 KB JPG Why are American women brain dead troglodytes? >Meet a girl at the dog park >Seems cool, pretty, and our dogs get along >Find out she is a retail supervisor, so we talk about the s----- hours >She finds out I'm a scientist working in clinical research (Oncology) >Talks about her mother's cancer treatment >Asks if I have kids. Nope, but tell her I want kids in the future >She doesn't have kids either, just the dog >She said it was "refreshing" talking with me >She asks me for my number >Set up a coffee date for yesterday >She shows up with a friend >Asks me to pay for both of them >I agree, it's just coffee, but I'm bummed >She asks for a dinner date for today or later this week and invites her friend >I say no because I thought it was going to just be us on a date >"OH SO YOU CANT AFFORD IT?" No bitch, I can. I'm just not a meal ticket for you and your friend. >She says if I want to be a dad I should be able to afford a third otherwise I'm not ready >I tell her if she wants to be a mom that she needs to learn to set boundaries and it's clear she's not ready >She gets p----- and goes off on me >Her friend texts me that I'm an a------ >Block them both F---, how am I the bad guy?

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New gaming friend | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 3 KB JPG 09/30/21(Thu)09:13:05 No.572761537 >Be playing vidya >Enter co op game >Black guy has joined >He's new to the game >Doesn't realise his mic is on and is recording the whole room. >He's low on health >He doesn't know how to heal. >I heal him for him >"Thank you!" >"That's so nice" >Later in the game I get downed >"I'm coming my n----" >Comes to my rescue >"I got you bro" >Finish the mission >"Yo G you're ma real n----. Respect" Mfw feels good man
: Anonymous 3 KB JPG 09/30/21(Thu)09:13:05 No.572761537 >Be playing vidya >Enter co op game >Black guy has joined >He's new to the game >Doesn't realise his mic is on and is recording the whole room. >He's low on health >He doesn't know how to heal. >I heal him for him >"Thank you!" >"That's so nice" >Later in the game I get downed >"I'm coming my n----" >Comes to my rescue >"I got you bro" >Finish the mission >"Yo G you're ma real n----. Respect" Mfw feels good man

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Anon has a little hindsight | /r/Greentext

11/01/22(Tue)22:11:47 No.888363677 : Anonymous >>888363160 (OP) # >be me back in highschool >get really into prank calls >call up businesses and impersonate the corporate office to trick people into doing stuff >call mcdonalds >convince her that she has to reset the fryer thermometer by dumping in a cup of ice >you can hear oil spilling everywhere and boiling up and you can hear her freaking out. >kek >call back 10 mins later and the manager tells me that she had to go to the hospital for burns I've never felt so guilty in my life. Those last few seconds of the call she was panning not knowing what to do and i was laughing my ass off calling her a dumb bitch. for all I know she could be all scared up and had her life thrown off course. you really gotta think before you act.
11/01/22(Tue)22:11:47 No.888363677 : Anonymous >>888363160 (OP) # >be me back in highschool >get really into prank calls >call up businesses and impersonate the corporate office to trick people into doing stuff >call mcdonalds >convince her that she has to reset the fryer thermometer by dumping in a cup of ice >you can hear oil spilling everywhere and boiling up and you can hear her freaking out. >kek >call back 10 mins later and the manager tells me that she had to go to the hospital for burns I've never felt so guilty in my life. Those last few seconds of the call she was panning not knowing what to do and i was laughing my ass off calling her a dumb bitch. for all I know she could be all scared up and had her life thrown off course. you really gotta think before you act.

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This one hurts me bad | /r/Greentext

Duv9i6eW4AAQCuq.jpg 105 KB JPG >tfw red dead redemption 2 made me realize that there's no hiding from civilization since it's everywhere >tfw can't even really homestead today bc of stupid laws >can't even properly explore anything anymore because there isn't anything still left to explore All I ever wanted was to be free
Duv9i6eW4AAQCuq.jpg 105 KB JPG >tfw red dead redemption 2 made me realize that there's no hiding from civilization since it's everywhere >tfw can't even really homestead today bc of stupid laws >can't even properly explore anything anymore because there isn't anything still left to explore All I ever wanted was to be free

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Anon Has His Assumptions | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 374 KB JPG 07/19/18(Thu)20:28:45 No.774817298 >be me >friend torrents black panther, we're about to watch it >me: "so is this actually good or just overhyped" >him: "apparently actually good, haven't watched it" >me: "i bet there's basketball, rap, and slavery references within the first 2 minutes" >him: "pfbpfptf i don't think they'd go that far man" >me: "no seriously i bet there is." >him: *awkward silence and a weird look* >we start the movie >1 minute of scifi backstory, includes a reference to slavery >followed by basketball and rap >mfw
: Anonymous 374 KB JPG 07/19/18(Thu)20:28:45 No.774817298 >be me >friend torrents black panther, we're about to watch it >me: "so is this actually good or just overhyped" >him: "apparently actually good, haven't watched it" >me: "i bet there's basketball, rap, and slavery references within the first 2 minutes" >him: "pfbpfptf i don't think they'd go that far man" >me: "no seriously i bet there is." >him: *awkward silence and a weird look* >we start the movie >1 minute of scifi backstory, includes a reference to slavery >followed by basketball and rap >mfw

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anon hates tiktok | /r/Greentext

>be me >playing black flag on ps5 >really like black flag >wife comes in >starts watching tik tok after tik tok >hour goes by >she looks at tv >Im in an epic ship battle >anon you should do something more productive with your time >leaves room Are you kidding me? Im doing something I like while you watch people suck their own d---- for likes
>be me >playing black flag on ps5 >really like black flag >wife comes in >starts watching tik tok after tik tok >hour goes by >she looks at tv >Im in an epic ship battle >anon you should do something more productive with your time >leaves room Are you kidding me? Im doing something I like while you watch people suck their own d---- for likes

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Anons first post | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous i love you♡ 191 KB JPG 11/01/22(Tue)08:41:48 No.70812961 This website is very confusing how to send a messages but I just want you all the know I think you are funny : Anonymous >>70812961 (OP) # You need to show t--- to unlock the real r9k : Anonymous 11/01/22(Tue)08:43:16 No.70812973 : Anonymous 11/01/22(Tue)08:53:30 No.70813027 >>70812961 (OP) # Thank you, anon! :D i love you! 24 KB JPG 11/01/22(Tue)08:54:05 No.70813035 >>70812961 (OP) # Please get out while you still can
: Anonymous i love you♡ 191 KB JPG 11/01/22(Tue)08:41:48 No.70812961 This website is very confusing how to send a messages but I just want you all the know I think you are funny : Anonymous >>70812961 (OP) # You need to show t--- to unlock the real r9k : Anonymous 11/01/22(Tue)08:43:16 No.70812973 : Anonymous 11/01/22(Tue)08:53:30 No.70813027 >>70812961 (OP) # Thank you, anon! :D i love you! 24 KB JPG 11/01/22(Tue)08:54:05 No.70813035 >>70812961 (OP) # Please get out while you still can

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