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Anon gets embarrassed during class | /r/Greentext

Anonymous | 761961790 1.7 MB GIF >be me in elementary school >Time to present in front of class >Get biggest boner of my life >Idea.jpg >Pull boner up and tuck it in my belt >Fits perfectly 0 min. ago >Have to point at something at the top of board >Front of shirt lifts up, exposing my d--- tip to whole class >My crush sitting in front row gets huge eyeful >Stupid Chad yells at everyone to look at my tiny d--- >Not even that small >Crush starts laughing as tears start to come in my eyes >Freak out and run out of room >Laughing stock of class I just had to quit the only job I've ever loved because all my students saw my d--- REPLY
Anonymous | 761961790 1.7 MB GIF >be me in elementary school >Time to present in front of class >Get biggest boner of my life >Idea.jpg >Pull boner up and tuck it in my belt >Fits perfectly 0 min. ago >Have to point at something at the top of board >Front of shirt lifts up, exposing my d--- tip to whole class >My crush sitting in front row gets huge eyeful >Stupid Chad yells at everyone to look at my tiny d--- >Not even that small >Crush starts laughing as tears start to come in my eyes >Freak out and run out of room >Laughing stock of class I just had to quit the only job I've ever loved because all my students saw my d--- REPLY

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anon's grandpa pulls one last prank from the grave | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 01/02/24(Tue) 18:53:48 No.12830610 ► >have close bond with grandpa >only person in family who appreciates his sense of humor >one day he says he is glad im his grandson and gives me an envelope >tells me only open it the day he dies >fast forward 9 years >he died today >remember the envelope >open it, a single piece of paper in it >written on it: "guess what? chicken butt" damn it pops, I already miss you, you old fart
Anonymous 01/02/24(Tue) 18:53:48 No.12830610 ► >have close bond with grandpa >only person in family who appreciates his sense of humor >one day he says he is glad im his grandson and gives me an envelope >tells me only open it the day he dies >fast forward 9 years >he died today >remember the envelope >open it, a single piece of paper in it >written on it: "guess what? chicken butt" damn it pops, I already miss you, you old fart

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ha ha ha, senators *sips coffee* | /r/Greentext

>"Anakin, we can't be attracted to each other" >dressed like a pornstar day and night while Anakin is her only company while on Naboo >Anakin just gets more attracted to her >"nooo I told you we can't do that" what the f--- was her problem Anonymous 01/02/24(Tue)11:55:07 No.112822999 She was a woman.
>"Anakin, we can't be attracted to each other" >dressed like a pornstar day and night while Anakin is her only company while on Naboo >Anakin just gets more attracted to her >"nooo I told you we can't do that" what the f--- was her problem Anonymous 01/02/24(Tue)11:55:07 No.112822999 She was a woman.

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Canon loves his mom. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Men de 10 KB JPG ww Thanks Mom 09/12/20(Sat) 16:24:43 No.60012186 >Try to start a Youtube >Post every day >30 days in >Embarrassed about my videos >only viewer is mom >she comments positive things on every video
: Anonymous Men de 10 KB JPG ww Thanks Mom 09/12/20(Sat) 16:24:43 No.60012186 >Try to start a Youtube >Post every day >30 days in >Embarrassed about my videos >only viewer is mom >she comments positive things on every video

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Anon meets bank executive | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 355 KB JPG 01/02/24(Tue)10:10:39 No.75975928 >meet bank executive >it's a woman >one look in her eyes and i can tell the means that got her in that position >she knows i can tell >i know she knows i can tell >she knows... etc. forget about my plans and go to another bank.
Anonymous 355 KB JPG 01/02/24(Tue)10:10:39 No.75975928 >meet bank executive >it's a woman >one look in her eyes and i can tell the means that got her in that position >she knows i can tell >i know she knows i can tell >she knows... etc. forget about my plans and go to another bank.

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simplicity is the key to success | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 01/02/24(Tue)01:17:50 No.12826439 >friend invites me and my brother to his new year's eve party >it's a costume party cause why not >spend 100 bucks to rent a clone trooper costume >meanwhile bro just puts on his job interview suit, doesnt shave, and lets his hair down (he has shoulder length black hair) >he wins the new year's eve costume contest with his John Wick costume >mfw
Anonymous 01/02/24(Tue)01:17:50 No.12826439 >friend invites me and my brother to his new year's eve party >it's a costume party cause why not >spend 100 bucks to rent a clone trooper costume >meanwhile bro just puts on his job interview suit, doesnt shave, and lets his hair down (he has shoulder length black hair) >he wins the new year's eve costume contest with his John Wick costume >mfw

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Anon got a switch for Christmas | /r/Greentext

11/26/23(Sun)22:59:39 No.36534092 Anonymous >years back >grandma lives alone >she starts using Amazon to order stuff >around Christmastime I warn her to be careful with her deliveries because a lot of people steal them >casually mention that Amazon will never ask her to sign for stuff >a few days go by and there's a knock at her door >big dude holding her amazon package telling her she needs to sign for it >grandma tells him to go away and leave her package by the door >the man proceeds to try and kick down the door >shoulder slamming it >grandma keeps a gun on her funnily enough (always has) and retrieves it, then fires through the door >guy runs off >drops the package as he bolts >grandma waits a bit, then brings the package inside and calls the cops >they never find the guy >package turns out to be a Christmas present for me >after that, dad insisted grandma come live with us after that >she agrees >still keeps a gun on her tho >and I got a Nintendo Switch Crazy to think my grandma might have just been killed if I hadn't warned her. She thought you always had to sign for big packages lol
11/26/23(Sun)22:59:39 No.36534092 Anonymous >years back >grandma lives alone >she starts using Amazon to order stuff >around Christmastime I warn her to be careful with her deliveries because a lot of people steal them >casually mention that Amazon will never ask her to sign for stuff >a few days go by and there's a knock at her door >big dude holding her amazon package telling her she needs to sign for it >grandma tells him to go away and leave her package by the door >the man proceeds to try and kick down the door >shoulder slamming it >grandma keeps a gun on her funnily enough (always has) and retrieves it, then fires through the door >guy runs off >drops the package as he bolts >grandma waits a bit, then brings the package inside and calls the cops >they never find the guy >package turns out to be a Christmas present for me >after that, dad insisted grandma come live with us after that >she agrees >still keeps a gun on her tho >and I got a Nintendo Switch Crazy to think my grandma might have just been killed if I hadn't warned her. She thought you always had to sign for big packages lol

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Anon gives insight into the female psyche | /r/Greentext

12/23/23(Sat)02:17:31 No.73132074 : Anonymous >>73131810 # Women love to feel what can best be described as "mentally surrounded." They want to feel like anything they do, you are 2 steps ahead of them. They want it to be the case that everything you ask them to do, they are almost certain you know better than they do and they want to obey you through that lens. They want to feel that perpetual mild nervous feeling like you can shatter their entire existence and strip away any will they have to live. It is a level of submissiveness and being totally dominated that only a few guys can provide them with. Any guy can hold a woman down and overpower her physically. Women want a man who can overpower their soul. That's the pressure she's talking about. She wants a guy that makes her feel on the verge of having a panic attack, but in such a way that she wants more of it. >>73132100 # >>73132631 # >>73132963 # >>73134651 # >>73134690 # >>73134742 # >>73135454 # >>73136367 # >>73136371 # >>73136464 # >>73136468 # >>73136595 # >>73139326 # >>73141005 # >>73143512 # >>73144471 # >>73145761 # >>73147306 # >>73147512 # >>73148921 # >>73148959 # >>73149070 #
12/23/23(Sat)02:17:31 No.73132074 : Anonymous >>73131810 # Women love to feel what can best be described as "mentally surrounded." They want to feel like anything they do, you are 2 steps ahead of them. They want it to be the case that everything you ask them to do, they are almost certain you know better than they do and they want to obey you through that lens. They want to feel that perpetual mild nervous feeling like you can shatter their entire existence and strip away any will they have to live. It is a level of submissiveness and being totally dominated that only a few guys can provide them with. Any guy can hold a woman down and overpower her physically. Women want a man who can overpower their soul. That's the pressure she's talking about. She wants a guy that makes her feel on the verge of having a panic attack, but in such a way that she wants more of it. >>73132100 # >>73132631 # >>73132963 # >>73134651 # >>73134690 # >>73134742 # >>73135454 # >>73136367 # >>73136371 # >>73136464 # >>73136468 # >>73136595 # >>73139326 # >>73141005 # >>73143512 # >>73144471 # >>73145761 # >>73147306 # >>73147512 # >>73148921 # >>73148959 # >>73149070 #

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George Lucas does it again | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 01/02/24 (Tue)00:24:12 No.12827500 ► >be George Lucas >write screenplay for Star Wars Episode II >"we just got Christopher Lee, who played Count Dracula, what should be the name of his character?" >"hmm...Count Dookula?...no that's just dumb...I know, Count Dooku" >pat myself on the shoulder
Anonymous 01/02/24 (Tue)00:24:12 No.12827500 ► >be George Lucas >write screenplay for Star Wars Episode II >"we just got Christopher Lee, who played Count Dracula, what should be the name of his character?" >"hmm...Count Dookula?...no that's just dumb...I know, Count Dooku" >pat myself on the shoulder

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And it was peak | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/02/24(Tue) 18:53:19 No.194220551 The EyeofSauron.png 220 KB PNG >Sauron's sigil is the all seeing eye >Peter Jackson interprets this to mean that Sauron is literally a giant eye
: Anonymous 01/02/24(Tue) 18:53:19 No.194220551 The EyeofSauron.png 220 KB PNG >Sauron's sigil is the all seeing eye >Peter Jackson interprets this to mean that Sauron is literally a giant eye

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Anon is indecisive | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 36 KB JPG No.30484306 01/01/24(Mon)16:23:40 >no idea what career to choose >searching on internet about literally any career >only complaints about salary, unemployment, stress, humiliation, overworking etc. What should I do then?
: Anonymous 36 KB JPG No.30484306 01/01/24(Mon)16:23:40 >no idea what career to choose >searching on internet about literally any career >only complaints about salary, unemployment, stress, humiliation, overworking etc. What should I do then?

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Anon is tall | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 62 (MASTER) IKE 133 KB PNG 12/19/21(Sun)06:00:48 No.868894586 :Anonymous >be me >179cm >world is basically designed for men >medium size clothes are always carried >don't hit my head on things but also can reach s--- 112 KB JPG me >not noticeably short except next to exceptionally tall people >still larger than the vast majority of women and about half of all How the f--- do people come to the conclusion there's a better height than this 12/19/21(Sun)06:03:24 No.868894667 >>868894586 (OP) # w-- is a cm
Anonymous 62 (MASTER) IKE 133 KB PNG 12/19/21(Sun)06:00:48 No.868894586 :Anonymous >be me >179cm >world is basically designed for men >medium size clothes are always carried >don't hit my head on things but also can reach s--- 112 KB JPG me >not noticeably short except next to exceptionally tall people >still larger than the vast majority of women and about half of all How the f--- do people come to the conclusion there's a better height than this 12/19/21(Sun)06:03:24 No.868894667 >>868894586 (OP) # w-- is a cm

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Can't wait for Shrek 5 | /r/Greentext

01/02/24(Tue)12:17:03 No.141478179 >Winnie the Pooh is in the public domain (with recently Tigger) >Peter Pan is in the public domain (Including all the other fairytales that have long been in the public domain, which Disney used for its films) >Oswald is in the public domain >Mickey, Pete and Minnie (from 1928) are in the public domain Dreamworks could do the funniest thing ever : Anonymous 32 KB JPG
01/02/24(Tue)12:17:03 No.141478179 >Winnie the Pooh is in the public domain (with recently Tigger) >Peter Pan is in the public domain (Including all the other fairytales that have long been in the public domain, which Disney used for its films) >Oswald is in the public domain >Mickey, Pete and Minnie (from 1928) are in the public domain Dreamworks could do the funniest thing ever : Anonymous 32 KB JPG

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Behind green eyes | /r/Greentext

1h (1/2 12:48) 75973880 - 6 Re- 0 Img JPG 677KB (1400 × 1400) · 1704089681610251.jpg 3 Replies DO NOT FEED WILDLIFE D SERVICE HALLUCINOGENS TO THE ALLIGATORS Empowered women >family gathering >sister is 38, im 32 >sister always has been an NPC who adopts nearest person personality >shes been mixing herself with filthy roasties lately >im talking women who suck any c--- they find kind of roasties >sistes is terminally online too and is adopting feminism >she said one of her friends was being hit on all the time by young men >her friend is 47 >she says her friend is beautiful and empowered >i kek and tell her "as a man i can tell your friend is the lowest value woman on the scale" >she says youngsters offer to pay s--- for her all the time >i repeat myself >she pulls out phone and shows picture of roastie friend to mom >mom says "shes not that good looking" >she doesnt show pic to me but i kek again and say "i bet shes a busted witch" >sister gets mad and says roastie has green eyes I didnt want to show my full powerlevel and fully explain why her friend was disgusting and that she got hit on all the time because she looks like an easy to f--- w----, but i think my sister is losing the battle against globohomo. Women are literal children
1h (1/2 12:48) 75973880 - 6 Re- 0 Img JPG 677KB (1400 × 1400) · 1704089681610251.jpg 3 Replies DO NOT FEED WILDLIFE D SERVICE HALLUCINOGENS TO THE ALLIGATORS Empowered women >family gathering >sister is 38, im 32 >sister always has been an NPC who adopts nearest person personality >shes been mixing herself with filthy roasties lately >im talking women who suck any c--- they find kind of roasties >sistes is terminally online too and is adopting feminism >she said one of her friends was being hit on all the time by young men >her friend is 47 >she says her friend is beautiful and empowered >i kek and tell her "as a man i can tell your friend is the lowest value woman on the scale" >she says youngsters offer to pay s--- for her all the time >i repeat myself >she pulls out phone and shows picture of roastie friend to mom >mom says "shes not that good looking" >she doesnt show pic to me but i kek again and say "i bet shes a busted witch" >sister gets mad and says roastie has green eyes I didnt want to show my full powerlevel and fully explain why her friend was disgusting and that she got hit on all the time because she looks like an easy to f--- w----, but i think my sister is losing the battle against globohomo. Women are literal children

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Harry Potter and the Self-Defence Situation | /r/Greentext

File: gilderoy lockhart.jpg (271 KB, 902x1195) ☐ Anonymous 01/02/24(Tue)14:44:18 No.194203697 ► >>194203806 >>194203862 >>194204016 >>194204196 >>194204221 >>194204288 >>194207490 >>194207718 >>194208957 >>194211785 >here's that teen heartthrob I was telling you about ☐ Anonymous 01/02/24(Tue)14:45:32 No.194203806 >>194204056 >>194204097 >>194204378 >>194204453 >>194205428 >>194203697 (OP) >In Order of the Phoenix, Harry comes across Lockhart in St Mungo's while visiting Arthur Weasley at Christmas. Lockhart has not recovered any of his memories but is childishly proud of being able to write in "joined-up letters". He still enjoys signing autographs and continues to receive fan mail, although he has no idea why. For his part, Harry feels a slight twinge of guilt for Lockhart's amnesia (especially since it becomes clear that St. Mungo's has given up on trying to undo the damage) but he consoles himself with the fact that it was Lockhart's own fault that he is now reduced to a child-like mentality harry potter - the hero everybody! Anonymous 01/02/24(Tue)14:52:18 No.194204221 >>194203697 (OP) >this is a 10/10 in bongland ☐ Anonymous 01/02/24(Tue)15:12:00 No.194205428 ► >>194206747 >>194209041 >>194211259 >>194203806 >adult tries to kill/ mindwipe child >his own viscous attack is deflected back at him in self defence >harry should feel bad about this ☐ Anonymous 01/02/24(Tue)15:22:34 No.194206323 ► >>194206800 >>194207121 >>194207399 File: James Potter.jpg (68 KB, 504x689) >here's that 21 year old I was telling you about ☐ Anonymous 01/02/24(Tue)16:14:25 No.194209275 ► >>194209417 >>194209715 >>194210801 >dumbledork: I know this man is a scammer. And a dangerous one at that..but I'll do nothing about it. I'll let every child in my school be at risk. I'm sure it will all work out What was his actual plan?
File: gilderoy lockhart.jpg (271 KB, 902x1195) ☐ Anonymous 01/02/24(Tue)14:44:18 No.194203697 ► >>194203806 >>194203862 >>194204016 >>194204196 >>194204221 >>194204288 >>194207490 >>194207718 >>194208957 >>194211785 >here's that teen heartthrob I was telling you about ☐ Anonymous 01/02/24(Tue)14:45:32 No.194203806 >>194204056 >>194204097 >>194204378 >>194204453 >>194205428 >>194203697 (OP) >In Order of the Phoenix, Harry comes across Lockhart in St Mungo's while visiting Arthur Weasley at Christmas. Lockhart has not recovered any of his memories but is childishly proud of being able to write in "joined-up letters". He still enjoys signing autographs and continues to receive fan mail, although he has no idea why. For his part, Harry feels a slight twinge of guilt for Lockhart's amnesia (especially since it becomes clear that St. Mungo's has given up on trying to undo the damage) but he consoles himself with the fact that it was Lockhart's own fault that he is now reduced to a child-like mentality harry potter - the hero everybody! Anonymous 01/02/24(Tue)14:52:18 No.194204221 >>194203697 (OP) >this is a 10/10 in bongland ☐ Anonymous 01/02/24(Tue)15:12:00 No.194205428 ► >>194206747 >>194209041 >>194211259 >>194203806 >adult tries to kill/ mindwipe child >his own viscous attack is deflected back at him in self defence >harry should feel bad about this ☐ Anonymous 01/02/24(Tue)15:22:34 No.194206323 ► >>194206800 >>194207121 >>194207399 File: James Potter.jpg (68 KB, 504x689) >here's that 21 year old I was telling you about ☐ Anonymous 01/02/24(Tue)16:14:25 No.194209275 ► >>194209417 >>194209715 >>194210801 >dumbledork: I know this man is a scammer. And a dangerous one at that..but I'll do nothing about it. I'll let every child in my school be at risk. I'm sure it will all work out What was his actual plan?

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Pic related | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 01/01/24(Mon)13:53:29 No.261319183 42 KB PNG >accidentally send "happy new years, love you!" to a friend instead of my grandma >"Love you too, bro!" T-Thanks, bro.
Anonymous 01/01/24(Mon)13:53:29 No.261319183 42 KB PNG >accidentally send "happy new years, love you!" to a friend instead of my grandma >"Love you too, bro!" T-Thanks, bro.

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Anon wonders | /r/Greentext

← /adv/30487652/ 5h (1/2 10:44) 30487652 - 9 Re.0 Img JPG 1MB (2316 x 3088) IMG_7911.jpg 2 Replies . Q Why Do Women Hate Me? Women treat me like a piece of human feces. They have zero interest in me and refuse to so much as date me, let alone have sex with me. Where am I going wrong? Please, this is serious. I need all the help and advice I can get.
← /adv/30487652/ 5h (1/2 10:44) 30487652 - 9 Re.0 Img JPG 1MB (2316 x 3088) IMG_7911.jpg 2 Replies . Q Why Do Women Hate Me? Women treat me like a piece of human feces. They have zero interest in me and refuse to so much as date me, let alone have sex with me. Where am I going wrong? Please, this is serious. I need all the help and advice I can get.

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Faith as Farce | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 560 KB PNG 01/01/24(Mon)18:14:51 No.75968767 >is upset when people don't worship him out of the 30,153,337,652,054 religions that exist >doesn't provide evidence of his existence >NO NO NO I AM LE GOD YOU MUST BELIEVE IN ME IT'S NAWT FAIR NOOO religion is a f------ meme it's no different from believing in santa claus. people buy this s---? F------ Imao
Anonymous 560 KB PNG 01/01/24(Mon)18:14:51 No.75968767 >is upset when people don't worship him out of the 30,153,337,652,054 religions that exist >doesn't provide evidence of his existence >NO NO NO I AM LE GOD YOU MUST BELIEVE IN ME IT'S NAWT FAIR NOOO religion is a f------ meme it's no different from believing in santa claus. people buy this s---? F------ Imao

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2025 will be my year | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: xuvoFqrk 23 KB JPG 01/02/24(Tue)09:11:32 No.453764095 >first day of 2024 >already fapped 4 times >consumed 4300 calories instead of goal of 1500 >spent whole day mindlessly scrolling /pol/ and twitter how are you holding up your new years resolution?
: Anonymous (ID: xuvoFqrk 23 KB JPG 01/02/24(Tue)09:11:32 No.453764095 >first day of 2024 >already fapped 4 times >consumed 4300 calories instead of goal of 1500 >spent whole day mindlessly scrolling /pol/ and twitter how are you holding up your new years resolution?

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4chan Reengaged | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 01/01/24(Mon)22:02:06 No.75970786 >join several discords and stay for a while to get some social interaction >record observations >it's literally just like any other space >cliquey as f--- Discord was such a waste of my f------ time. I wasted weeks in these servers and got nothing out of it. Holy f---... I'll just stay on the chans and make the occasional post/lurk. I actually wasted less time on the chans than discord. Back to /ck/, /fit/, /sci/, /r9k/, /lit/ now. f--- ME. f--- me, anons. 98 KB PNG
Anonymous 01/01/24(Mon)22:02:06 No.75970786 >join several discords and stay for a while to get some social interaction >record observations >it's literally just like any other space >cliquey as f--- Discord was such a waste of my f------ time. I wasted weeks in these servers and got nothing out of it. Holy f---... I'll just stay on the chans and make the occasional post/lurk. I actually wasted less time on the chans than discord. Back to /ck/, /fit/, /sci/, /r9k/, /lit/ now. f--- ME. f--- me, anons. 98 KB PNG

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