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Awkward Moment | /r/Greentext

Board /r9k/ - ROBOT9001 Anonymous ▼Settings Mobile Home 07/04/24(Thu)14:47:39 No.78047313 >Be me 67 KB PNG >In the kitchen >Making a sandwich >Look outside kitchen window to garden >See a black cat in the corner of my garden >HelloCat.jpeg >Stop making a sandwich and grab a can on tuna from the cupboard >Go into the dining room where the patio doors are >See cat again, taking a s--- in my garden, while staring into my soul >Indian cat >Finishes taking a s--- >Runs away, jumps over the wall >Mexican cat >mfw

Board /r9k/ - ROBOT9001 Anonymous ▼Settings Mobile Home 07/04/24(Thu)14:47:39 No.78047313 >Be me 67 KB PNG >In the kitchen >Making a sandwich >Look outside kitchen window to garden >See a black cat in the corner of my garden >HelloCat.jpeg >Stop making a sandwich and grab a can on tuna from the cupboard >Go into the dining room where the patio doors are >See cat again, taking a s--- in my garden, while staring into my soul >Indian cat >Finishes taking a s--- >Runs away, jumps over the wall >Mexican cat >mfw

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Anon wants different cultural references | /r/Greentext

File: file.png (292 KB, 723x649) Rita Meade O ScrewyDecimal You know in The Handmaid's Tale flashback scenes where everything still feels kind of normal but they start dropping small hints that s--- is starting to go very wrong very soon? We're in that part right now but with REALLY BIG F------ HINTS Anonymous (ID: WePEp07a 07/03/24(Wed)20:10:33 No.473008928 >>473009379 >>473009451 >>473009586 >>473009652 >>473010179 >>473010773 >>473010861 >>473011063 >>473011086 >>473011228 >>473012451 >>473012779 >>473013327 >>473014636 >>473014658 Y'all this is just like tv... >> Anonymous (ID: 1330xMBD 07/03/24(Wed)20:16:55 No.473009365 >>473009566 >>473009648 >>473009700 >>473009834 >>473010074 >>473010673 >>473010746 >>473013647 >>473015604 why are post fertility childless roasties so >> obsessed with the handmaid's tale? Anonymous (ID: 6DodgTO) 07/03/24(Wed)21:20:38 No.473013327 File: 1717195069989136.jpg (60 KB, 800x765) >>473008928 (OP) >It's just like my feminist r--- fantasy show you guys Anonymous (ID: KYyCnmXu 07/03/24(Wed)20:29:58 No.473010253 >>473011173 >>473014622 File: 1710803135286821.gif (386 KB, 498x272) I just want some damn variety with all these metaphors and references. Would it be too much to ask liberals to please use a reference from my list below? >brave little toaster >ace ventura 2 (number 1 is inferior, get over it) >Lethal Weapon 1 or 2, dont care >chronicles of riddick >the pirates of penzance >uncle buck Anonymous (ID: li9wCUUS >>473010253 07/03/24(Wed)21:42:27 No.473014622 I AM THE VERY MODEL OF THE MODERN TWITTER HYSTERICAL

File: file.png (292 KB, 723x649) Rita Meade O ScrewyDecimal You know in The Handmaid's Tale flashback scenes where everything still feels kind of normal but they start dropping small hints that s--- is starting to go very wrong very soon? We're in that part right now but with REALLY BIG F------ HINTS Anonymous (ID: WePEp07a 07/03/24(Wed)20:10:33 No.473008928 >>473009379 >>473009451 >>473009586 >>473009652 >>473010179 >>473010773 >>473010861 >>473011063 >>473011086 >>473011228 >>473012451 >>473012779 >>473013327 >>473014636 >>473014658 Y'all this is just like tv... >> Anonymous (ID: 1330xMBD 07/03/24(Wed)20:16:55 No.473009365 >>473009566 >>473009648 >>473009700 >>473009834 >>473010074 >>473010673 >>473010746 >>473013647 >>473015604 why are post fertility childless roasties so >> obsessed with the handmaid's tale? Anonymous (ID: 6DodgTO) 07/03/24(Wed)21:20:38 No.473013327 File: 1717195069989136.jpg (60 KB, 800x765) >>473008928 (OP) >It's just like my feminist r--- fantasy show you guys Anonymous (ID: KYyCnmXu 07/03/24(Wed)20:29:58 No.473010253 >>473011173 >>473014622 File: 1710803135286821.gif (386 KB, 498x272) I just want some damn variety with all these metaphors and references. Would it be too much to ask liberals to please use a reference from my list below? >brave little toaster >ace ventura 2 (number 1 is inferior, get over it) >Lethal Weapon 1 or 2, dont care >chronicles of riddick >the pirates of penzance >uncle buck Anonymous (ID: li9wCUUS >>473010253 07/03/24(Wed)21:42:27 No.473014622 I AM THE VERY MODEL OF THE MODERN TWITTER HYSTERICAL

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No easy way out of this one | /r/Greentext

Anonymous FIFTH THIRD BANK 06/27/24(Thu)22:59:57 No.77973965 1719521883155.png 1.6 MB PNG >honey, why do you have a folder with dozens of memes of fat women having sex with really sad men? Is this how you feel when you're with me? How do you get out of this situation?

Anonymous FIFTH THIRD BANK 06/27/24(Thu)22:59:57 No.77973965 1719521883155.png 1.6 MB PNG >honey, why do you have a folder with dozens of memes of fat women having sex with really sad men? Is this how you feel when you're with me? How do you get out of this situation?

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Anon educates | /r/Greentext

File: Screenshot_20240704_12253(...).jpg (514 KB, 1079x1079) ☐ Anonymous 07/04/24(Thu)12:57:09 No.920838178 [Reply] ► >be me >Start getting heart palpitations and trouble breathing at night, go to doc for check up of electrolytes etc >Doc runs full panel, calls me and says I need to come in asap >Calls me into his office, tells me I need to stop using steroids because they are causing the palpitations >"Oh a hormone men produce is unhealthy is it" >" No one produces 10000 ng/dl of testosterone Anon >Your hemoglobin is 25 and you're going to have a stroke >"Oh is that what your soyience tells you?" >Can feel decades of generational trauma and internalized misandry course through me >"You just don't understand men's issues" >She looks at me holding back laughter >I take initiative like a man and escort myself out >Walking out to my car I burst into a sweat and collapse >Years of systemic and internalized misandry have caught up with me >I wake up in the ER with an IV, tear them out - I don't need these plastic endocrine disrupters in me >The Dr tells me I need a beta blocker " lol let me guess that has endocrine disrupting sulfates in the binders, can I get an iv of soy instead?" >Dr is staring in disbelief at my extensive medical knowledge >Give him my insta handle and tell him he can follow me for health related advice I give in grocery stores Don't give in to the ever growing attacks on masculinity anons, some can be shown the light File: 25d671017 wohm (416 KB 352x610

File: Screenshot_20240704_12253(...).jpg (514 KB, 1079x1079) ☐ Anonymous 07/04/24(Thu)12:57:09 No.920838178 [Reply] ► >be me >Start getting heart palpitations and trouble breathing at night, go to doc for check up of electrolytes etc >Doc runs full panel, calls me and says I need to come in asap >Calls me into his office, tells me I need to stop using steroids because they are causing the palpitations >"Oh a hormone men produce is unhealthy is it" >" No one produces 10000 ng/dl of testosterone Anon >Your hemoglobin is 25 and you're going to have a stroke >"Oh is that what your soyience tells you?" >Can feel decades of generational trauma and internalized misandry course through me >"You just don't understand men's issues" >She looks at me holding back laughter >I take initiative like a man and escort myself out >Walking out to my car I burst into a sweat and collapse >Years of systemic and internalized misandry have caught up with me >I wake up in the ER with an IV, tear them out - I don't need these plastic endocrine disrupters in me >The Dr tells me I need a beta blocker " lol let me guess that has endocrine disrupting sulfates in the binders, can I get an iv of soy instead?" >Dr is staring in disbelief at my extensive medical knowledge >Give him my insta handle and tell him he can follow me for health related advice I give in grocery stores Don't give in to the ever growing attacks on masculinity anons, some can be shown the light File: 25d671017 wohm (416 KB 352x610

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Livin' on a Prayer | /r/Greentext

Board /r9k/ - ROBOT9001 Anonymous Extreme Cheapskates ▼Settings Mobile Home 07/04/24(Thu)12:34:34 No.78046081 1.1 MB PNG >Live in a McMansion >Drive a $100k SUV >Have 4 kids >Feed your kids only waffles >Force your kids to beg neighbours for food to save money >Don't bathe your kids to save money >Somehow not child abuse >Fill the toilet with s--- instead of flushing it How is this show real?

Board /r9k/ - ROBOT9001 Anonymous Extreme Cheapskates ▼Settings Mobile Home 07/04/24(Thu)12:34:34 No.78046081 1.1 MB PNG >Live in a McMansion >Drive a $100k SUV >Have 4 kids >Feed your kids only waffles >Force your kids to beg neighbours for food to save money >Don't bathe your kids to save money >Somehow not child abuse >Fill the toilet with s--- instead of flushing it How is this show real?

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Unlikely inheritance | /r/Greentext

DO Anonymous 06/29/24(Sat) 17:13:15 No.200653653 >>200653369 (OP) # IMG_7190.jpg 377 KB JPG >anakin at nineteen: f------ senators and queens >luke at twenty-three: still f------ his right hand and a virgin What went wrong with the Skywalker line? 600 3000

DO Anonymous 06/29/24(Sat) 17:13:15 No.200653653 >>200653369 (OP) # IMG_7190.jpg 377 KB JPG >anakin at nineteen: f------ senators and queens >luke at twenty-three: still f------ his right hand and a virgin What went wrong with the Skywalker line? 600 3000

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anon sees a meme | /r/Greentext

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anon has a crush | /r/Greentext

>be trans girl >have had crush on my dad's best friend since i was a kid >really sweet and kind man >has always been like an uncle figure to me >always supported me >always found him incredibly attractive >he recently got divorced from his wife >been trying my best to be there for him >been subtly trying to flirt with him whenever im around him >at first things were just normal as always between us >slowly chemistry started to form between us >decided to go for it >ended up kissing him on the lips and told him how i feel >he was very conflicted about it >he said he thinks im a great girl but he can't >told me that he sees me as his niece and he feels like he'd be betraying my dad >ask him if he doesn't find me attractive >admitted that he does but said it would be wrong to go any further >feel let down but don't want to give up Is it over? How can I wear him down and get him to date me?

>be trans girl >have had crush on my dad's best friend since i was a kid >really sweet and kind man >has always been like an uncle figure to me >always supported me >always found him incredibly attractive >he recently got divorced from his wife >been trying my best to be there for him >been subtly trying to flirt with him whenever im around him >at first things were just normal as always between us >slowly chemistry started to form between us >decided to go for it >ended up kissing him on the lips and told him how i feel >he was very conflicted about it >he said he thinks im a great girl but he can't >told me that he sees me as his niece and he feels like he'd be betraying my dad >ask him if he doesn't find me attractive >admitted that he does but said it would be wrong to go any further >feel let down but don't want to give up Is it over? How can I wear him down and get him to date me?

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Miltank poster | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 10 KB JPG defence 07/04/24(Thu)04:07:37 No.144364 >Still no move that rises attack before attacking >Still no move with priority that rises defences (iron defence should be one) >Still no move that deals as much damage as HP user has >Still no poison move that drops >Still no move that heals targets PP >Still no move that deals damage and makes recovery moves fail if used after it. >Still no ghost move that makes user immune to physical moves >Still no electric move that deals physical damage and is based on sp.attack >Still no electric move that has chance for burn >Still no bug move that poisons and confuses at the same time (Or make it Grass and give it to gloom) >Still no poison move that deals boosted damage to bug types >Still no psychic move that steals hp healing effects >Still no fire terrain that boosts any burn chance to always being 40% >Still no freezed terrain that slows down any non-ice type and boost freeze chance to 30% >Mist is not reworked to be a terrain that drops accuracy of moves (simple 10%) and nullify ALL stat changes for 5 turns (YES even own drops) >Meditate STILL doesn't raise special defence

Anonymous 10 KB JPG defence 07/04/24(Thu)04:07:37 No.144364 >Still no move that rises attack before attacking >Still no move with priority that rises defences (iron defence should be one) >Still no move that deals as much damage as HP user has >Still no poison move that drops >Still no move that heals targets PP >Still no move that deals damage and makes recovery moves fail if used after it. >Still no ghost move that makes user immune to physical moves >Still no electric move that deals physical damage and is based on sp.attack >Still no electric move that has chance for burn >Still no bug move that poisons and confuses at the same time (Or make it Grass and give it to gloom) >Still no poison move that deals boosted damage to bug types >Still no psychic move that steals hp healing effects >Still no fire terrain that boosts any burn chance to always being 40% >Still no freezed terrain that slows down any non-ice type and boost freeze chance to 30% >Mist is not reworked to be a terrain that drops accuracy of moves (simple 10%) and nullify ALL stat changes for 5 turns (YES even own drops) >Meditate STILL doesn't raise special defence

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Anon likes nusouthpark | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 07/04/24(Thu)07:15:49 No.144365242 >Drastically improves your show TEORIDY 127 KB JPG Anonymous Bizarro thread? >>144365254 # >>144365319 # Anonymous >>144365246 # Nope Just posting the truth >>144365259 # Anonymous >>144365254 # 07/04/24(Thu)07:16:50 No.144365246 07/04/24(Thu)07:19:20 No.144365254 07/04/24(Thu)07:22:01 No.144365259 H-------- Trey Parker posts on /co/? Anonymous >>144365242 (OP) # You mean ruin >>144365319 # 07/04/24(Thu)07:29:31 No.144365277

Anonymous 07/04/24(Thu)07:15:49 No.144365242 >Drastically improves your show TEORIDY 127 KB JPG Anonymous Bizarro thread? >>144365254 # >>144365319 # Anonymous >>144365246 # Nope Just posting the truth >>144365259 # Anonymous >>144365254 # 07/04/24(Thu)07:16:50 No.144365246 07/04/24(Thu)07:19:20 No.144365254 07/04/24(Thu)07:22:01 No.144365259 H-------- Trey Parker posts on /co/? Anonymous >>144365242 (OP) # You mean ruin >>144365319 # 07/04/24(Thu)07:29:31 No.144365277

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Anon has double standards | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 630 KB JPG 07/04/24(Thu)04:22:27 No.144364 >Captain Marvel sees a guy harassing her, beats him up and steals his motorcycle in a deleted scene of her movie Cruel, unforgivable, utterly reprehensible. Heroes should know better than to beat down on people weaker than them. >Daredevil sees a guy bullying Foggy, sneaks into his room at night, beats him up, undresses him, ties him up, and throws him into the snow for the whole night to traumatize him for life Heroic and admirable. I see nothing wrong with this whatsoever. Man Without Fear is truly one of the greatest Daredevil stories ever. Why are comic fans like this? Anonymous >>144364585 (OP) # 07/04/24(Thu)04:38:31 No.144364654 Misogyny and fear of women. >>144364702 # Anonymous >>144364585 (OP) # 07/04/24(Thu)04:44:22 No.144364681 Why can't they both be assholes, OP?

Anonymous 630 KB JPG 07/04/24(Thu)04:22:27 No.144364 >Captain Marvel sees a guy harassing her, beats him up and steals his motorcycle in a deleted scene of her movie Cruel, unforgivable, utterly reprehensible. Heroes should know better than to beat down on people weaker than them. >Daredevil sees a guy bullying Foggy, sneaks into his room at night, beats him up, undresses him, ties him up, and throws him into the snow for the whole night to traumatize him for life Heroic and admirable. I see nothing wrong with this whatsoever. Man Without Fear is truly one of the greatest Daredevil stories ever. Why are comic fans like this? Anonymous >>144364585 (OP) # 07/04/24(Thu)04:38:31 No.144364654 Misogyny and fear of women. >>144364702 # Anonymous >>144364585 (OP) # 07/04/24(Thu)04:44:22 No.144364681 Why can't they both be assholes, OP?

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Anon is trans | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 4 KB JPG 07/04/24(Thu)07:11:29 No.920830656 >came out as trans a few days ago >best friend suddenly asked me to be his girlfriend out of nowhere >told him that I'm not even on hrt or anything yet so I'm pretty much a dude >he said he doesn't care and he wants me hrt or not >asked him why he's suddenly doing this >he said he's making me his before someone else does >promised me that I wouldn't regret it because he'll help me become a girl in his own way >mfw what is this feeling anons?

Anonymous 4 KB JPG 07/04/24(Thu)07:11:29 No.920830656 >came out as trans a few days ago >best friend suddenly asked me to be his girlfriend out of nowhere >told him that I'm not even on hrt or anything yet so I'm pretty much a dude >he said he doesn't care and he wants me hrt or not >asked him why he's suddenly doing this >he said he's making me his before someone else does >promised me that I wouldn't regret it because he'll help me become a girl in his own way >mfw what is this feeling anons?

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Anon takes buzzpill | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 01/16/20(Thu)08:43:43 No.14939625 2B2C76E3-9A51-4CFF-9218-D478B695C439.jpg 15 KB JPG >took the buzzpill Jesus christ

Anonymous 01/16/20(Thu)08:43:43 No.14939625 2B2C76E3-9A51-4CFF-9218-D478B695C439.jpg 15 KB JPG >took the buzzpill Jesus christ

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Anon makes a new friend | /r/Greentext

>watches ISIS video >The song gets stuck in my head >Starts humming the song at work >Muslim employee next to me says "soon brother" V 6.

>watches ISIS video >The song gets stuck in my head >Starts humming the song at work >Muslim employee next to me says "soon brother" V 6.

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Anon sells organs | /r/Greentext

File: HD-wallpaper-femto-berser(...).jpg (271 KB, 800x1001) ☐ Anonymous 07/03/24(Wed)23:22:39 No.920817437 I was recently released from prison because I was dealing illegal substances. I've had a good friend of mine tell me about the dark web world, and I started investing in selling human organs. I used to sell these organs on Telegram, but I wasn't getting as many clients until recently when I hired front-end and back-end developers to help run a site on the Tor Browser and they helped improve our SEO. As for how the job works, we load about 5-7 homeless people into Chevy Sprinter vans. We promise them free cocaine, but it's actually fentanyl. They snort one line and instantly die of an overdose. Then, I have a former surgeon, who recently lost his license, use surgical tools to cut open their chests. We take out the good organs, like the kidney and heart and we throw it into an ice chest to help preserve said organs. We make about $550,000 per month with this operation, and we net about $215,000 after paying the Organ Harvesters, Chevy Sprinter driver, and extra business-related costs. We also publish documentary-style videos on the harvesting process to help look more professional. We have a medical facility in Chicago that we converted from an abandoned IT-data building. Sometimes we kidnap people with healthier organs, but we specifically go after people who might deserve it. For example, one of my employees complained about some d------- boss who fired him last year and laughed in his face about it. We kidnapped said ex-boss from his office and harvested his organs. We even have random people locked up in large dog cages, they watch as their fellow caged-brethren are mutilated. Honestly, I don't feel bad at all about this. I feel like I'm doing this city a favor by getting rid of these homeless m------------ infesting the damn streets.

File: HD-wallpaper-femto-berser(...).jpg (271 KB, 800x1001) ☐ Anonymous 07/03/24(Wed)23:22:39 No.920817437 I was recently released from prison because I was dealing illegal substances. I've had a good friend of mine tell me about the dark web world, and I started investing in selling human organs. I used to sell these organs on Telegram, but I wasn't getting as many clients until recently when I hired front-end and back-end developers to help run a site on the Tor Browser and they helped improve our SEO. As for how the job works, we load about 5-7 homeless people into Chevy Sprinter vans. We promise them free cocaine, but it's actually fentanyl. They snort one line and instantly die of an overdose. Then, I have a former surgeon, who recently lost his license, use surgical tools to cut open their chests. We take out the good organs, like the kidney and heart and we throw it into an ice chest to help preserve said organs. We make about $550,000 per month with this operation, and we net about $215,000 after paying the Organ Harvesters, Chevy Sprinter driver, and extra business-related costs. We also publish documentary-style videos on the harvesting process to help look more professional. We have a medical facility in Chicago that we converted from an abandoned IT-data building. Sometimes we kidnap people with healthier organs, but we specifically go after people who might deserve it. For example, one of my employees complained about some d------- boss who fired him last year and laughed in his face about it. We kidnapped said ex-boss from his office and harvested his organs. We even have random people locked up in large dog cages, they watch as their fellow caged-brethren are mutilated. Honestly, I don't feel bad at all about this. I feel like I'm doing this city a favor by getting rid of these homeless m------------ infesting the damn streets.

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1st black president | /r/Greentext

File: first black president.jpg (11 KB, 480x360) Anonymous (ID: toWidatY 02/06/18(Tue)23:25:28 No.159548327 [Reply] >played jazz sax >could reliably hoop a free throw >ordered fried chicken on every Airforce One flight >almost lost his job over some phat white ass Was Bill Clinton the first black president?

File: first black president.jpg (11 KB, 480x360) Anonymous (ID: toWidatY 02/06/18(Tue)23:25:28 No.159548327 [Reply] >played jazz sax >could reliably hoop a free throw >ordered fried chicken on every Airforce One flight >almost lost his job over some phat white ass Was Bill Clinton the first black president?

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420Chan or something | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: Mz+F72x1) HERT LES 04/23/14(Wed)02:24:34 No.543522159 >Be me >420.png >I should not have smoked that s--- >Now I'm inside of a s----- low effort greentext

Anonymous (ID: Mz+F72x1) HERT LES 04/23/14(Wed)02:24:34 No.543522159 >Be me >420.png >I should not have smoked that s--- >Now I'm inside of a s----- low effort greentext

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Anon Likes Elden Ring | /r/Greentext

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Anon discovers the uselessness of most of therapy. | /r/Greentext

Anonymous What are your experiences with shrinks 1.47 MB PNG 07/03/24(Wed)17:40:03 No.78038141 >try three different therapists >first one dies so understandable >second one tells me after third session that they can't help me >find third one >seem to have a positive experience >start fixing some things >eventually we agree that I can handle on my own and try to fix my issues however... >all the success I had started vaporizing due to things out of my control >the first friends I have made from years start drifting apart or going overseas >have to quit job and fall into lethargy and depression >eventually go back to shrink >she no longer threats me profesionally >asks me question on why I haven't done anything in a year although I have been trying all year to make friends but nobody seems to like me >gets annoyed at me although I have showed no negative feeling towards her >have even more anxiety than before the therapy Is there any hope if you're not neurotypical

Anonymous What are your experiences with shrinks 1.47 MB PNG 07/03/24(Wed)17:40:03 No.78038141 >try three different therapists >first one dies so understandable >second one tells me after third session that they can't help me >find third one >seem to have a positive experience >start fixing some things >eventually we agree that I can handle on my own and try to fix my issues however... >all the success I had started vaporizing due to things out of my control >the first friends I have made from years start drifting apart or going overseas >have to quit job and fall into lethargy and depression >eventually go back to shrink >she no longer threats me profesionally >asks me question on why I haven't done anything in a year although I have been trying all year to make friends but nobody seems to like me >gets annoyed at me although I have showed no negative feeling towards her >have even more anxiety than before the therapy Is there any hope if you're not neurotypical

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Anon ring pops the question | /r/Greentext

OP 07/03/24(Wed)21:36:55 No.78040354 Funny/Sad/Cool school stories 130 KB JPG >get 2 ring pops >monday morning >class starting >itstime.gif >be me >bored in class >spin around, and lock eyes with the girl behind me >ask her to marry me >she laughs >"sure anon" >weekend >go to gas station >get on my knee, unwraps the ring pop >she goes red >covers her mouth, laughing >I put the ring on her >put other ring on myself >teacher tells me to get out the class >mfw she was really cute too, tried to ask her out a few months later and she said no. Any other robots have other stories?

OP 07/03/24(Wed)21:36:55 No.78040354 Funny/Sad/Cool school stories 130 KB JPG >get 2 ring pops >monday morning >class starting >itstime.gif >be me >bored in class >spin around, and lock eyes with the girl behind me >ask her to marry me >she laughs >"sure anon" >weekend >go to gas station >get on my knee, unwraps the ring pop >she goes red >covers her mouth, laughing >I put the ring on her >put other ring on myself >teacher tells me to get out the class >mfw she was really cute too, tried to ask her out a few months later and she said no. Any other robots have other stories?

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