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Normies, am I right? | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/05/22(Mon)11:29:36 No.70096361 S Ć r.png 14 KB PNG >um sir this is the 4th time you've bought propane tanks, alarm clocks, duct tape, and 9v batteries this month. is everything alright?
: Anonymous 09/05/22(Mon)11:29:36 No.70096361 S Ć r.png 14 KB PNG >um sir this is the 4th time you've bought propane tanks, alarm clocks, duct tape, and 9v batteries this month. is everything alright?

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anon's granny makes him brownies | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous >come home from gym >grandma has just finished baking fresh brownies What do I do in this situation? >>68233853 # 09/05/22(Mon)21:05:27 No.68233824 proxy-image (11).jpg 42 KB JPG : Anonymous >>68233824 (OP) # Eat them because grandma won't be around forever : Anonymous 09/05/22(Mon)21:07:17 No.68233843 89 KB JPG : Anonymous >>68233824 (OP) # Eat them. >nooo I can't have an extra 200 calories Then you're not doing enough in a day. Get a job. : Anonymous 09/05/22(Mon)21:08:51 No.68233850 >>68233824 (OP) # >It's already September >Not bulking 09/05/22(Mon)21:08:22 No.68233848 >Not ingesting fast digesting carbs to replenish your glycogen stores Grammy just wants to see you get hueg 09/05/22(Mon)21:09:05 No.68233853 >>68233843 # 09/05/22(Mon)21:09:41 No.68233862 : Anonymous >>68233824 (OP) # Lay my grandma down in the table and then expose her saggy wet p---- and finally get to stretching her
: Anonymous >come home from gym >grandma has just finished baking fresh brownies What do I do in this situation? >>68233853 # 09/05/22(Mon)21:05:27 No.68233824 proxy-image (11).jpg 42 KB JPG : Anonymous >>68233824 (OP) # Eat them because grandma won't be around forever : Anonymous 09/05/22(Mon)21:07:17 No.68233843 89 KB JPG : Anonymous >>68233824 (OP) # Eat them. >nooo I can't have an extra 200 calories Then you're not doing enough in a day. Get a job. : Anonymous 09/05/22(Mon)21:08:51 No.68233850 >>68233824 (OP) # >It's already September >Not bulking 09/05/22(Mon)21:08:22 No.68233848 >Not ingesting fast digesting carbs to replenish your glycogen stores Grammy just wants to see you get hueg 09/05/22(Mon)21:09:05 No.68233853 >>68233843 # 09/05/22(Mon)21:09:41 No.68233862 : Anonymous >>68233824 (OP) # Lay my grandma down in the table and then expose her saggy wet p---- and finally get to stretching her

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Anon is living the dream | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/06/22(Tue)08:59:00 No.885171683 >be me, in a 4 year relationship with my girlfriend, everything is going great >one day she approaches me and says she wants to open up the relationship 100 KB JPG >my heart drops, my breath catches in my throat and the world darkens as I imagine our inevitable future breakup >"not for me but just for you, I want to see you with other girls" >turns out she gets turned on seeing me have sex with other women, and even wants to join in eventually >so yeah, life is great
: Anonymous 09/06/22(Tue)08:59:00 No.885171683 >be me, in a 4 year relationship with my girlfriend, everything is going great >one day she approaches me and says she wants to open up the relationship 100 KB JPG >my heart drops, my breath catches in my throat and the world darkens as I imagine our inevitable future breakup >"not for me but just for you, I want to see you with other girls" >turns out she gets turned on seeing me have sex with other women, and even wants to join in eventually >so yeah, life is great

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Anon hates British | /r/Greentext

52 KB JPG >wake up >still not Br*tsh >day improves noticably
52 KB JPG >wake up >still not Br*tsh >day improves noticably

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Anon at a standstill | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 70 KB JPG 09/05/22(Mon)13:56:47 No.70093859 >Women view 80% of men as ugly >Male virginity is skyrocketing >Understand my fate as a 5'4 bald man >Seeing an escort is the only option left and will hopefully find a gf later >Women consider that a deal breaker "I could never date a man that paid for sex" How the f--- do you expect us to get laid then?
: Anonymous 70 KB JPG 09/05/22(Mon)13:56:47 No.70093859 >Women view 80% of men as ugly >Male virginity is skyrocketing >Understand my fate as a 5'4 bald man >Seeing an escort is the only option left and will hopefully find a gf later >Women consider that a deal breaker "I could never date a man that paid for sex" How the f--- do you expect us to get laid then?

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Never trust a hoe | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/06/22(Tue)01:31:12 No.27253206 >be in bed being intimate with gf >"Anon close your eyes, you will like this, my best friend says her bf enjoy this very much" >close my eyes while laying on bed >feels she is lifting my legs and jerking me off >out of nowhere i feel something foreign and strange up my ass >slap her out of reflex >bitch actually tried to finger my ass 58 KB JPG >Her cheek is red and a splattered drop of blood around the corner of her mouth I didn't wanted to harm her but she shoved her pinky finger while jerkin me off. How the f--- she thought this was a good idea???!! Im not a f----- and If i were i wouldn't be dating her.
: Anonymous 09/06/22(Tue)01:31:12 No.27253206 >be in bed being intimate with gf >"Anon close your eyes, you will like this, my best friend says her bf enjoy this very much" >close my eyes while laying on bed >feels she is lifting my legs and jerking me off >out of nowhere i feel something foreign and strange up my ass >slap her out of reflex >bitch actually tried to finger my ass 58 KB JPG >Her cheek is red and a splattered drop of blood around the corner of her mouth I didn't wanted to harm her but she shoved her pinky finger while jerkin me off. How the f--- she thought this was a good idea???!! Im not a f----- and If i were i wouldn't be dating her.

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anon is being haunted | /r/Greentext

14:47 >pe me >21 >move out of my parents house and into an apartment complex >there's 6 apartment buildings but used to be 7 >the 7th one was burned down in a fire >don't think anything of it >several nights in a row of literal entities standing over my bed and laughing/screaming right in my face 25 >pots and pans slamming in my kitchen >shadowy figures moving at night >turns out that fire was caused by psychopath who went on a rampage. He killed an elderly couple then came back to his apartment killed his mom and tried to burn her body in the oven >long story short the oven caught on fire causing The whole building to go up in flames >several people died >itallmakessensenow.jpg >at night start walking around naked tugging on my d--- randomly darting in random directions to keep the ghost on their toes >keep saying s--- like "getcha some", "where you at bitches?" And I do pose routines at random while calling myself a specimen >get holy water from my catholic friend and get some natural salt from the inter webs >mix holy water and salt together in a bowl and soak my hands in it before bed every night >start shadow boxing until I sweat >I tell the ghost "I WILL F--- YOU UP ON THE ETHERIAL PLANE M------------ DONT TEST ME" Haven't had any hauntings since I did all that
14:47 >pe me >21 >move out of my parents house and into an apartment complex >there's 6 apartment buildings but used to be 7 >the 7th one was burned down in a fire >don't think anything of it >several nights in a row of literal entities standing over my bed and laughing/screaming right in my face 25 >pots and pans slamming in my kitchen >shadowy figures moving at night >turns out that fire was caused by psychopath who went on a rampage. He killed an elderly couple then came back to his apartment killed his mom and tried to burn her body in the oven >long story short the oven caught on fire causing The whole building to go up in flames >several people died >itallmakessensenow.jpg >at night start walking around naked tugging on my d--- randomly darting in random directions to keep the ghost on their toes >keep saying s--- like "getcha some", "where you at bitches?" And I do pose routines at random while calling myself a specimen >get holy water from my catholic friend and get some natural salt from the inter webs >mix holy water and salt together in a bowl and soak my hands in it before bed every night >start shadow boxing until I sweat >I tell the ghost "I WILL F--- YOU UP ON THE ETHERIAL PLANE M------------ DONT TEST ME" Haven't had any hauntings since I did all that

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I think about this one a lot, godspeed alex | /r/Greentext

Board /b/ - Random 47 KB JPG Settings Mobile Home >be me >learn to green text just for this s--- >ordinary dude who just graduated and got married >southern german parents, but was raised in the US >have little bro who is some kind of weird white supremacist >keeps trying to show me and my parents pol and infowars and s---, not interested, but ok i want to make him feel accepted >starts ranting about a---- purity and s---, whatever >goes on huge rant in front of my portuegese/italian wife about impure bloodlines and how im f------ up >little homie went too far. decide to call him out in front of the fam >lil bro, we aren't even pure german. Nobody is. >he starts ranting about how hitler kicked out all nonpure germans, my parents are looking uncomfortable af >anon.. lil bro.. we aren't full german. tbh i don't think anyone is. >i laugh, little bro takes it super hard. don't really think about it for a few weeks. >later on I text lil bro, no response. start to get worried, send a are you ok text >finally responds, being completely normal, no weird jew conspiracies or anything. >says he's been humbled as a mutt and keeps acting like a bitch all the time >parents are worried and keep calling saying he's up all night typing and crying >f--- you alex, i know you're on here all the time just be a stupid nazi f----- if it makes you happy, we miss you.
Board /b/ - Random 47 KB JPG Settings Mobile Home >be me >learn to green text just for this s--- >ordinary dude who just graduated and got married >southern german parents, but was raised in the US >have little bro who is some kind of weird white supremacist >keeps trying to show me and my parents pol and infowars and s---, not interested, but ok i want to make him feel accepted >starts ranting about a---- purity and s---, whatever >goes on huge rant in front of my portuegese/italian wife about impure bloodlines and how im f------ up >little homie went too far. decide to call him out in front of the fam >lil bro, we aren't even pure german. Nobody is. >he starts ranting about how hitler kicked out all nonpure germans, my parents are looking uncomfortable af >anon.. lil bro.. we aren't full german. tbh i don't think anyone is. >i laugh, little bro takes it super hard. don't really think about it for a few weeks. >later on I text lil bro, no response. start to get worried, send a are you ok text >finally responds, being completely normal, no weird jew conspiracies or anything. >says he's been humbled as a mutt and keeps acting like a bitch all the time >parents are worried and keep calling saying he's up all night typing and crying >f--- you alex, i know you're on here all the time just be a stupid nazi f----- if it makes you happy, we miss you.

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Anon is a femcel | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 117 KB JPG 09/04/22(Sun)20:06:56 No.70088325 >Be femcel >See anons venting about how they're lonely virgins >Join in because I can relate >"What an attention w----. Go back to /soc/." >"Lonely females don't exist. Bet you've f----- 50 guys, slut." >"Sounds like a troon. You will never be a woman, f-----." >"Why do women hate us? It must be because we aren't tall enough."
: Anonymous 117 KB JPG 09/04/22(Sun)20:06:56 No.70088325 >Be femcel >See anons venting about how they're lonely virgins >Join in because I can relate >"What an attention w----. Go back to /soc/." >"Lonely females don't exist. Bet you've f----- 50 guys, slut." >"Sounds like a troon. You will never be a woman, f-----." >"Why do women hate us? It must be because we aren't tall enough."

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Anon loses his virginity | /r/Greentext

File: 76AAAC30-9EAB-4B59-9B5B-5(...).jpg (449 KB, 1600x1600) O Anonymous 02/28/22 (Mon)14:40:07 No.873536893 [Reply] >be catholic >be altar boy See ya later virgins
File: 76AAAC30-9EAB-4B59-9B5B-5(...).jpg (449 KB, 1600x1600) O Anonymous 02/28/22 (Mon)14:40:07 No.873536893 [Reply] >be catholic >be altar boy See ya later virgins

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Anon hates fat people | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 09/21/21(Tue)14:16:14 No.863530051 > Take toddler to local pool > playing in the kiddie pool for kids age 2-5 > hear a noise SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP > this f----- fat p------------, probably between 10 or 12 is lumbering towards the pool > I mean, this kid has to be like, 200 pounds already > with this idiotic, gleeful look on his face he just belly flops into the water > I grab my 2 year old out of the way just in time to avoid getting crushed beneath his wobbling, gelatinous bulk > "HEY YOU FAT F---, WATCH WHERE YOUR GOING, YOUR FATASS JUST ALMOST KILLED MY KID" > He bursts into big, fat, slobbery tears because I called him fat > his mom and dad come waddling up, they are both morbidly obese as well, easily 300 pounds each > they demand I apologize to their son for calling him fat > I tell them that the kiddie pool is for toddlers, not a refuge for escaped livestock and to gtfo of my face > get banned from the pool > no regrets
Anonymous 09/21/21(Tue)14:16:14 No.863530051 > Take toddler to local pool > playing in the kiddie pool for kids age 2-5 > hear a noise SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP > this f----- fat p------------, probably between 10 or 12 is lumbering towards the pool > I mean, this kid has to be like, 200 pounds already > with this idiotic, gleeful look on his face he just belly flops into the water > I grab my 2 year old out of the way just in time to avoid getting crushed beneath his wobbling, gelatinous bulk > "HEY YOU FAT F---, WATCH WHERE YOUR GOING, YOUR FATASS JUST ALMOST KILLED MY KID" > He bursts into big, fat, slobbery tears because I called him fat > his mom and dad come waddling up, they are both morbidly obese as well, easily 300 pounds each > they demand I apologize to their son for calling him fat > I tell them that the kiddie pool is for toddlers, not a refuge for escaped livestock and to gtfo of my face > get banned from the pool > no regrets

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LETS GET IT | /r/Greentext

>sleep on hardwood floor with no pillow >alarm goes off at 1am >immediately kip up into a standing position and scream LETS GET IT 50 KB JPG >shower with liquid nitrogen >shave with a large hunting knife >for breakfast, 6 egg shells and 4 banana peels >waterboard myself to build pain tolerance >decide to go easy today, do 5000 push ups and 2000 pull ups >ready for the day at 2am
>sleep on hardwood floor with no pillow >alarm goes off at 1am >immediately kip up into a standing position and scream LETS GET IT 50 KB JPG >shower with liquid nitrogen >shave with a large hunting knife >for breakfast, 6 egg shells and 4 banana peels >waterboard myself to build pain tolerance >decide to go easy today, do 5000 push ups and 2000 pull ups >ready for the day at 2am

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Anon has an odd boss | /r/Greentext

Anonymous I made it guys, I'm a complete(...) 187 KB JPG 08/20/22(Sat)17:53:56 No.2444003 >employer provided housing >alone 24/7 >job consists of just being here, holding down the fort >no idea how the f--- I got the job, took 3 interviews >job listing was shady af >no rent, utilities, saving a ton on gas >paychecks mailed >no schedule or reporting in besides once a week email >boss is some rich mofo I haven't seen in months >he pays for whatever tools and stuff I say I need for work or living >location consists of several acres of hilly forest terrain, a few mysteriously furnished but otherwise empty houses, a few old decaying structures, and some kind of community room >probably some kind of cult location... nice >can do anything I want anywhere at any time, hue 197 Replies / 40 Images View Thread
Anonymous I made it guys, I'm a complete(...) 187 KB JPG 08/20/22(Sat)17:53:56 No.2444003 >employer provided housing >alone 24/7 >job consists of just being here, holding down the fort >no idea how the f--- I got the job, took 3 interviews >job listing was shady af >no rent, utilities, saving a ton on gas >paychecks mailed >no schedule or reporting in besides once a week email >boss is some rich mofo I haven't seen in months >he pays for whatever tools and stuff I say I need for work or living >location consists of several acres of hilly forest terrain, a few mysteriously furnished but otherwise empty houses, a few old decaying structures, and some kind of community room >probably some kind of cult location... nice >can do anything I want anywhere at any time, hue 197 Replies / 40 Images View Thread

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Anon visits grill | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous DA 13 KB PNG 2 Replies / 1 Image Anonymous 3 KB JPG KES 09/05/22(Mon)19:02:48 No.70096689 >go to 10/10 girl's house >get drunk with her >accidentally fart really loud in her kitchen >she tells me to leave View Thread 09/05/22 (Mon)20:06:35 No.70097358 >>70096689 (OP) # go repost it on reddit now you jew f---.
: Anonymous DA 13 KB PNG 2 Replies / 1 Image Anonymous 3 KB JPG KES 09/05/22(Mon)19:02:48 No.70096689 >go to 10/10 girl's house >get drunk with her >accidentally fart really loud in her kitchen >she tells me to leave View Thread 09/05/22 (Mon)20:06:35 No.70097358 >>70096689 (OP) # go repost it on reddit now you jew f---.

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Bodybuilder influencer | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/08/21(Thu)11:04:29 No.60818166 1615327878684.png 55 KB PNG Sup guys derek here, more plates more dates
: Anonymous 04/08/21(Thu)11:04:29 No.60818166 1615327878684.png 55 KB PNG Sup guys derek here, more plates more dates

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Anon is religious | /r/Greentext

Anonymous Different gods answer 573 KB PNG 09/05/22 (Mon)20:29:00 No.32804290 >Be me >Be catholic my entire life >Night before uni finals prayed to Odin for wisdom since I was f----- for the test and had never had God help me immediately >Get to test >Pass it easily >Try again asking for strength, knowledge and fertility from various Norse Gods and Goddesses >They deliver What the f--- do I do? Why does God never answer yet Odin unironically does. I don't want to stem from my faith and shouldn't ask things of other gods but they seem more than happy to help me when God remains silent. 27 Replies / 2 Images View Thread
Anonymous Different gods answer 573 KB PNG 09/05/22 (Mon)20:29:00 No.32804290 >Be me >Be catholic my entire life >Night before uni finals prayed to Odin for wisdom since I was f----- for the test and had never had God help me immediately >Get to test >Pass it easily >Try again asking for strength, knowledge and fertility from various Norse Gods and Goddesses >They deliver What the f--- do I do? Why does God never answer yet Odin unironically does. I don't want to stem from my faith and shouldn't ask things of other gods but they seem more than happy to help me when God remains silent. 27 Replies / 2 Images View Thread

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Anon is on that grind | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 09/26/21(Sun)18:19:24 No.63668415 >>63668342 (OP) # The cute receptionist lady accidentally called me babe when I checked in at the gym so I stopped by the locker room and jacked off into a toilet before my workout and then was intentionally cold and slightly rude to her on the way out so I wouldn't consider a relationship with her 499 KB PNG >>63668455 # >>63668502 # >>63668515 # >>63669103 # Anonymous09/26/21 (Sun)18:21:53 No.63668455 >>63668415 # high test move 63668422
Anonymous 09/26/21(Sun)18:19:24 No.63668415 >>63668342 (OP) # The cute receptionist lady accidentally called me babe when I checked in at the gym so I stopped by the locker room and jacked off into a toilet before my workout and then was intentionally cold and slightly rude to her on the way out so I wouldn't consider a relationship with her 499 KB PNG >>63668455 # >>63668502 # >>63668515 # >>63669103 # Anonymous09/26/21 (Sun)18:21:53 No.63668455 >>63668415 # high test move 63668422

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Anon’s girlfriend breaks up with him | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/05/22(Mon)15:56:48 No.885135292 Mentat2.jpg 90 KB JPG >Girlfriend texts me out of the blue that she doesn't want to date anymore >Absolutely shocked, I call her right there and tell her this is a bad joke >"It's not a joke, I don't think we're right for each other" >I'm super confused, I thought everything was going well > She says "Your d--- is just too small" >Even more confused, I remind her that she's told me multiple times I'm the biggest she's been with >"Yes, when you're hard," she replies, "but you're just so small when you're soft. I'm sorry, this isn't going to work, goodbye." >mfw
: Anonymous 09/05/22(Mon)15:56:48 No.885135292 Mentat2.jpg 90 KB JPG >Girlfriend texts me out of the blue that she doesn't want to date anymore >Absolutely shocked, I call her right there and tell her this is a bad joke >"It's not a joke, I don't think we're right for each other" >I'm super confused, I thought everything was going well > She says "Your d--- is just too small" >Even more confused, I remind her that she's told me multiple times I'm the biggest she's been with >"Yes, when you're hard," she replies, "but you're just so small when you're soft. I'm sorry, this isn't going to work, goodbye." >mfw

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don't be an idiot | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 110 507 KB PNG 09/03/22(Sat)21:54:20 >tie one end of rope around a sturdy anchor point such as a tree, pole, or guard rail >feed other end of rope through back of car >sit in drivers seat and wrap rope around neck No.170331971 >step on gas pedal, drive forward in a straight line, kill yourself instantly via decapitation Has anyone ever committed suicide like this before or am I the first person to think of this? I thought it would be alot quicker and less painful than hanging yourself the normal way, albeit messier. No, I don't recommend anyone ever try it out unless you really really want to die, don't be an idiot.
: Anonymous 110 507 KB PNG 09/03/22(Sat)21:54:20 >tie one end of rope around a sturdy anchor point such as a tree, pole, or guard rail >feed other end of rope through back of car >sit in drivers seat and wrap rope around neck No.170331971 >step on gas pedal, drive forward in a straight line, kill yourself instantly via decapitation Has anyone ever committed suicide like this before or am I the first person to think of this? I thought it would be alot quicker and less painful than hanging yourself the normal way, albeit messier. No, I don't recommend anyone ever try it out unless you really really want to die, don't be an idiot.

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Anon has a pregnancy fetish | /r/Greentext

File:FE557693-4811-41D2-8A5E-6(...).jpg (63 KB, 476x362) O How would this change society? Anonymous (ID: gPoExxFo) 09/05/22(Mon)15:24:04 No. 16076606 How would society change if women were always pregnant from the moment they turn 18 and gave birth to one baby per day? Labour doesn't hurt anymore or require going to a hospital, it just feels like taking a big poo and the baby is a randomly generated race gender eye colour etc?
File:FE557693-4811-41D2-8A5E-6(...).jpg (63 KB, 476x362) O How would this change society? Anonymous (ID: gPoExxFo) 09/05/22(Mon)15:24:04 No. 16076606 How would society change if women were always pregnant from the moment they turn 18 and gave birth to one baby per day? Labour doesn't hurt anymore or require going to a hospital, it just feels like taking a big poo and the baby is a randomly generated race gender eye colour etc?

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