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Anon is pissed with the state of modern technology | /r/Greentext

56m (9/9 21:08) · 83304734 15 Re · O Img PNG 25KB · (786 × 587) 5 Replies >wired earplugs die after a long time >decide to go wireless for once and try something new >get pic related (Galaxy Buds+) >"oh it has a companion app, um, okay.?" >download it >needs access to phonecalls >needs access to calendar >needs access to SMS >needs access to contacts >needs access to location >needs access to your f------ soul Guess we won't be using that app then. How do normalfags allow this?
56m (9/9 21:08) · 83304734 15 Re · O Img PNG 25KB · (786 × 587) 5 Replies >wired earplugs die after a long time >decide to go wireless for once and try something new >get pic related (Galaxy Buds+) >"oh it has a companion app, um, okay.?" >download it >needs access to phonecalls >needs access to calendar >needs access to SMS >needs access to contacts >needs access to location >needs access to your f------ soul Guess we won't be using that app then. How do normalfags allow this?

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Anon lets 8 year old drive him home | /r/Greentext


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Anon is in trouble | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/04/21(Sat)17:14:38 No.29666940 br, bros >be me >daily stroll though the forrest >totalserenity.png >sees a fairy ring >have the idea of the century >pull down pants and squats in the center of the fairy ring 223 KB JPG >*Tactical Nuke Incoming* >unleash fire and fury from my rectum >decimate all in its wake >leave fairy ring a steaming s--- crater >ffw to 2 days ago >notice things around the house go missing >shrug it off >start to hear strange, almost otherworldy sounds during the night >2spooky4me.cmd >wake up >looks out window >sees that some mushrooms have sprouted during the night >they appear to form a message >"We know it was you anon" Give it to me bluntly bros, how much danger am I in?
: Anonymous 09/04/21(Sat)17:14:38 No.29666940 br, bros >be me >daily stroll though the forrest >totalserenity.png >sees a fairy ring >have the idea of the century >pull down pants and squats in the center of the fairy ring 223 KB JPG >*Tactical Nuke Incoming* >unleash fire and fury from my rectum >decimate all in its wake >leave fairy ring a steaming s--- crater >ffw to 2 days ago >notice things around the house go missing >shrug it off >start to hear strange, almost otherworldy sounds during the night >2spooky4me.cmd >wake up >looks out window >sees that some mushrooms have sprouted during the night >they appear to form a message >"We know it was you anon" Give it to me bluntly bros, how much danger am I in?

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Getting 'Jakked | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous my friend has severe autism 09/09/21(Thu)12:11:39 No.65316519 >be me >going over to a friends place >we have fun, talk, hang out. >asks me to go in his bedroom >wants to show me something >uhhh ok sure 13 KB JPG >enter his bedroom >there are pictures of wojaks taped to the wall >i s--- you not there are at least 100. >nearly every space on the f------ wall is filled with pictures of wojaks he printed out >brain 404s >friend breaks the silence >"aren't you impressed?" >tell him yes, but ask why he printed out wojaks to stick on his wall >"because they looked nice, these are my favorite wojaks" >ok then >he talks about his wojaks for a few more minutes or so >im completely dumbfounded the entire time >leave later >still thinking of wojaks ok so what the F--- was that?
: Anonymous my friend has severe autism 09/09/21(Thu)12:11:39 No.65316519 >be me >going over to a friends place >we have fun, talk, hang out. >asks me to go in his bedroom >wants to show me something >uhhh ok sure 13 KB JPG >enter his bedroom >there are pictures of wojaks taped to the wall >i s--- you not there are at least 100. >nearly every space on the f------ wall is filled with pictures of wojaks he printed out >brain 404s >friend breaks the silence >"aren't you impressed?" >tell him yes, but ask why he printed out wojaks to stick on his wall >"because they looked nice, these are my favorite wojaks" >ok then >he talks about his wojaks for a few more minutes or so >im completely dumbfounded the entire time >leave later >still thinking of wojaks ok so what the F--- was that?

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Anon stocks up for possible apocalypse | /r/Greentext

File: IMG 20210908_234814.jpg (305 KB, 1080x806) O When's the apocalypse starting? Anonymous (ID: UKTUBATE) 09/09/21(Thu)09:18:41 No.338279366 ► >>338279553 >>338279759 >>338279848 >>338279964 >>338280004 >>338280064 >>338280497 >>338280621 >>338280864 >>338281247 >>338281421 >>338281761 >>338281825 >>338281897 >>338281944 >>338281954 >>338281964 >>338282181 >>338282327 >>338282606 >>338282732 >>338282819 >>338282913 >>338283257 >>338283300 >>338283356 >>338283400 >>338283529 >>338283675 >>338283780 >>338283848 >>338283895 >>338284042 >>338284144 >>338284314 >>338284345 >>338284410 >>338284489 >>338285119 >>338285166 >>338285389 >>338285560 >>338285644 >>338285697 I just bought 200 cans of beans, what do I do now? Something better happen or l'll be p-----. >> U Anonymous (ID: +MiA+Jrj ) E 09/09/21(Thu)09:52:53 No.338283300 ► >>338284544 >>338285449 File: 1630463642443.jpg (31 KB, 640x676) >>338279366 (OP) >the happening happens >nukes fly every which way, and chaos and terror rules the earth >anon was prepared >our hero enters his bomb shelter, stocked full of canned food >for a month or so, he is content >but then the air filter gives out >oh s--- >anon calmly begins working on the filter, unclogging and fixing the issue >BRAAAP >anons hands begin to tremble, and his face turns pale >slowly, he looks over at the shelves of food >beans >other beans >more beans >dear God, its only beans >he knows what is coming >BRAAAAAPPP >anon panicks as he works, increasing his efforts >BRAAAAAAРАРАРАААААА >the air is growing thin, he has to hurry! >BRAAAAAAPPPP >the air has a foul haze to it, but the filter is almost fixed >anons trembling hands drop the wrench he is holding >he leans down to grab it >his final mistake >BRAAAAAAААAAAAAAAAААAAAAAAAAAAAAAA РАРАРАРААААAAAAAAAAААAAAAAAAРАРАРАРАРАРАРАРАААААААААAAAРPPP!!!!! >Anon falls to the floor, suffocating on his own gasses >five hundred years later >civilization is rebuilding, and growing rapidly >some engineers for a water line find an old bunker hidden underground >they get some equipment, and cut the door open >their final error >hundreds of years of farts spill out into the world >the engineers are vaporized >the local township succumbs to the gas in seconds >cities miles away watch as the billowing clowd engulfs the region >the methane poisons the area, and for the next millenia, a 10 kilometer radius around anons house is uninhabitable >another 100 kilometers requires special protection
File: IMG 20210908_234814.jpg (305 KB, 1080x806) O When's the apocalypse starting? Anonymous (ID: UKTUBATE) 09/09/21(Thu)09:18:41 No.338279366 ► >>338279553 >>338279759 >>338279848 >>338279964 >>338280004 >>338280064 >>338280497 >>338280621 >>338280864 >>338281247 >>338281421 >>338281761 >>338281825 >>338281897 >>338281944 >>338281954 >>338281964 >>338282181 >>338282327 >>338282606 >>338282732 >>338282819 >>338282913 >>338283257 >>338283300 >>338283356 >>338283400 >>338283529 >>338283675 >>338283780 >>338283848 >>338283895 >>338284042 >>338284144 >>338284314 >>338284345 >>338284410 >>338284489 >>338285119 >>338285166 >>338285389 >>338285560 >>338285644 >>338285697 I just bought 200 cans of beans, what do I do now? Something better happen or l'll be p-----. >> U Anonymous (ID: +MiA+Jrj ) E 09/09/21(Thu)09:52:53 No.338283300 ► >>338284544 >>338285449 File: 1630463642443.jpg (31 KB, 640x676) >>338279366 (OP) >the happening happens >nukes fly every which way, and chaos and terror rules the earth >anon was prepared >our hero enters his bomb shelter, stocked full of canned food >for a month or so, he is content >but then the air filter gives out >oh s--- >anon calmly begins working on the filter, unclogging and fixing the issue >BRAAAP >anons hands begin to tremble, and his face turns pale >slowly, he looks over at the shelves of food >beans >other beans >more beans >dear God, its only beans >he knows what is coming >BRAAAAAPPP >anon panicks as he works, increasing his efforts >BRAAAAAAРАРАРАААААА >the air is growing thin, he has to hurry! >BRAAAAAAPPPP >the air has a foul haze to it, but the filter is almost fixed >anons trembling hands drop the wrench he is holding >he leans down to grab it >his final mistake >BRAAAAAAААAAAAAAAAААAAAAAAAAAAAAAA РАРАРАРААААAAAAAAAAААAAAAAAAРАРАРАРАРАРАРАРАААААААААAAAРPPP!!!!! >Anon falls to the floor, suffocating on his own gasses >five hundred years later >civilization is rebuilding, and growing rapidly >some engineers for a water line find an old bunker hidden underground >they get some equipment, and cut the door open >their final error >hundreds of years of farts spill out into the world >the engineers are vaporized >the local township succumbs to the gas in seconds >cities miles away watch as the billowing clowd engulfs the region >the methane poisons the area, and for the next millenia, a 10 kilometer radius around anons house is uninhabitable >another 100 kilometers requires special protection

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Always there for you | /r/Greentext


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Anon visits his grandad. | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous (ID: 12OHXFIC) 02/22/13(Fri)08:50:50 No.460464375 Re > Be 15 >Grandfather has dementia >He thinks there's a crocodile in his living room >He sits on the other side of the room with a loaded shotgun > Keeps the door to the kitchen open >Always shouts at you if you close it >Weird because I always got told to close it before >Grandfather f------ hates crocodile >Gets worse every day >He hates it in his house because of crocodile >Eventually parents move him to hospital > He's happy >I go to visit him >He's happy because there's no crocodile >He calls me over to him one day to talk to him >Igo to him and we're discussing the crocodile >He starts laughing >This is what he tells me It's great, I love it here, and I didn't even tell the crocodile where I was going." >This is what I tell him "Yeah, but I told him." >He jumps out of bed looking for his gun > Died from a heart attack a few days later I think I killed my grandfather. This is the first time I've told anyone about this since it happened 8 years ago.
O Anonymous (ID: 12OHXFIC) 02/22/13(Fri)08:50:50 No.460464375 Re > Be 15 >Grandfather has dementia >He thinks there's a crocodile in his living room >He sits on the other side of the room with a loaded shotgun > Keeps the door to the kitchen open >Always shouts at you if you close it >Weird because I always got told to close it before >Grandfather f------ hates crocodile >Gets worse every day >He hates it in his house because of crocodile >Eventually parents move him to hospital > He's happy >I go to visit him >He's happy because there's no crocodile >He calls me over to him one day to talk to him >Igo to him and we're discussing the crocodile >He starts laughing >This is what he tells me It's great, I love it here, and I didn't even tell the crocodile where I was going." >This is what I tell him "Yeah, but I told him." >He jumps out of bed looking for his gun > Died from a heart attack a few days later I think I killed my grandfather. This is the first time I've told anyone about this since it happened 8 years ago.

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Those Manlet Feels | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/07/21(Tue)21:16:16 No.63401711 >be me >cant go to gym bc unvaXxed >but can go to college gym? >go in first time >not bad >that was a month ago 46 KB JPG >during visits keep seeing lots go girls coming in as well as groups of guys with their friends >some of the girls are taller than me >some guys too >getting harder to not notice it >feel extremely uncomfortable >mfw lifts to lift away the emptiness?
: Anonymous 09/07/21(Tue)21:16:16 No.63401711 >be me >cant go to gym bc unvaXxed >but can go to college gym? >go in first time >not bad >that was a month ago 46 KB JPG >during visits keep seeing lots go girls coming in as well as groups of guys with their friends >some of the girls are taller than me >some guys too >getting harder to not notice it >feel extremely uncomfortable >mfw lifts to lift away the emptiness?

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The Devil Came Down to Texas | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/06/21 (Mon)22:58:50 No.65288074 >my family recently got into a Pentecostal church >every f------ night, hear them shouting in gibberish at air trying to cast out demonic spirits that are "oppressing" our house Just another day in the great state of Texas 146 KB JPG
: Anonymous 09/06/21 (Mon)22:58:50 No.65288074 >my family recently got into a Pentecostal church >every f------ night, hear them shouting in gibberish at air trying to cast out demonic spirits that are "oppressing" our house Just another day in the great state of Texas 146 KB JPG

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Anon gets a girlfriend | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 09/09/21(Thu)08:54:14 No.65313014 [Reply] >>65313028 >>65313119 >>65313687 Being in a relationship has destroyed my mental health. >constantly worried shes cheating on me >constantly worried shes going to leave me >constantly worried she thinks im an autistic f----- >constantly worried some chad is going to steal her from me She could literally say the most innocent s--- like "im too tired to hang out tonight" and my brain immediately jumps to "she f------ hates you" How the f--- do I get over this s---? Why the f--- am I so pathetic?
Anonymous 09/09/21(Thu)08:54:14 No.65313014 [Reply] >>65313028 >>65313119 >>65313687 Being in a relationship has destroyed my mental health. >constantly worried shes cheating on me >constantly worried shes going to leave me >constantly worried she thinks im an autistic f----- >constantly worried some chad is going to steal her from me She could literally say the most innocent s--- like "im too tired to hang out tonight" and my brain immediately jumps to "she f------ hates you" How the f--- do I get over this s---? Why the f--- am I so pathetic?

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Anon discovers an exploit | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/09/21(Thu)07:40:05 No.862734590 >Be Me >Learn secret to unlimited free b------- >Super Chad mode activated >Really easy life hack >Dosnt matter if good looking or trash >Big d--- or tiny c--- >Follow these simple steps >Download Grindr Ring For B------ 36 KB JPG >Use buzz words like DTF, STR8, CLOSET >Instant matches >Meet up >Tell them you nervous about sex but willing to get sucked >F------ fall for it every time >C-- buckets in their mouths >Then leave >Don't touch their d---- and it's not gay >Ghost and repeat with next f-----
: Anonymous 09/09/21(Thu)07:40:05 No.862734590 >Be Me >Learn secret to unlimited free b------- >Super Chad mode activated >Really easy life hack >Dosnt matter if good looking or trash >Big d--- or tiny c--- >Follow these simple steps >Download Grindr Ring For B------ 36 KB JPG >Use buzz words like DTF, STR8, CLOSET >Instant matches >Meet up >Tell them you nervous about sex but willing to get sucked >F------ fall for it every time >C-- buckets in their mouths >Then leave >Don't touch their d---- and it's not gay >Ghost and repeat with next f-----

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Stay bold, ponytail | /r/Greentext


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Trypod.... | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/09/21(Thu)06:22:23 No.65313883 > Working closing shift at supermarket > Closed five minutes ago but bloke is still doing his shopping > Coworkers complaining about him and making fun of him for being short 108 KB PNG > 30 seconds later absolutely jacked 5'6" man comes to my checkout > Huge grin on his face, go to scan his items > extralargecondoms.jpg > Finishes transaction and leaves store > The look on my coworker's faces I hope p---- slaying manlet bro lives a long and happy life
: Anonymous 09/09/21(Thu)06:22:23 No.65313883 > Working closing shift at supermarket > Closed five minutes ago but bloke is still doing his shopping > Coworkers complaining about him and making fun of him for being short 108 KB PNG > 30 seconds later absolutely jacked 5'6" man comes to my checkout > Huge grin on his face, go to scan his items > extralargecondoms.jpg > Finishes transaction and leaves store > The look on my coworker's faces I hope p---- slaying manlet bro lives a long and happy life

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Here comes the sun | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/08/21(Wed)10:17:13 No.65303041 >be a depressed zombie as a teenager >meds don't seem to work >brute force myself into doing basic life s--- like exercising and getting good grades >quit meds at the same time >do tolerably okay for a while 39 KB JPG >years later I relapse into a depression >develop coping strats to feel better like exercising more and getting more sunshine >all my gains are undone by insane binge eating >life is a continual uphill battle >finally cave in and go back on meds >combination of meds and healthy living combine to give me superpowers >mfw I realize most people get by feeling a tolerable 6/10 on the happiness scale most of the time >l just thought everybody was brute forcing through life feeling a 3/10 all the time Holy f--- bros.
: Anonymous 09/08/21(Wed)10:17:13 No.65303041 >be a depressed zombie as a teenager >meds don't seem to work >brute force myself into doing basic life s--- like exercising and getting good grades >quit meds at the same time >do tolerably okay for a while 39 KB JPG >years later I relapse into a depression >develop coping strats to feel better like exercising more and getting more sunshine >all my gains are undone by insane binge eating >life is a continual uphill battle >finally cave in and go back on meds >combination of meds and healthy living combine to give me superpowers >mfw I realize most people get by feeling a tolerable 6/10 on the happiness scale most of the time >l just thought everybody was brute forcing through life feeling a 3/10 all the time Holy f--- bros.

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Anon learns new things about himself | /r/Greentext


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Anon makes a recommendation | /r/Greentext


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