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Business deductions | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/23/21(Fri)14:31:17 No.64684070 >talking to friend the other day >he's been a bit more hostile to me lately >asking him why he still speaks to me if he clearly doesn't enjoy it >tells me that he has "business" 654 KB PNG with me and he can't tell me what it is >basically admits to using me >mfw I have no idea what this f----- could be trying to use me for. AlLI do is sit in my room all day jerking off and gaming
: Anonymous 07/23/21(Fri)14:31:17 No.64684070 >talking to friend the other day >he's been a bit more hostile to me lately >asking him why he still speaks to me if he clearly doesn't enjoy it >tells me that he has "business" 654 KB PNG with me and he can't tell me what it is >basically admits to using me >mfw I have no idea what this f----- could be trying to use me for. AlLI do is sit in my room all day jerking off and gaming

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Anon has a cat | /r/Greentext

f--- /b/ they're back >be me last night >live in house built in 1900-1910s >get in bed around 2am with my cat >cuddling and watching YT >at some point he gets up and walks to 650 KB JPG my closet door >starts flipping the f--- out and jumps up on windowsill licking himself like crazy >starts clawing at the window a ton >is completely avoiding the floor only jumping up on my dresser, bed, and window >feel some liquid start dripping on me >there's nothing on me and nothing coming from the ceiling >start seeing grey figures pop up around my bed >grab special Damascus knife I keep next to bed since it's the holy steel >the figures disappear >a couple sec later I hear human screaming outside >can hear it come up to porch steps >loud crack and screaming stops >hear footsteps come up porch towards windows >see figure move past first window >goes around corner to second window >it looks like some pale, mangy, 7ft dog with human like front legs >starts f------ with window >windows are just wood frames with glass so no locks >window starts to lift up >dive out first window with cat and knife >jump up on railing and climb onto roof just before it reaches me >wait it out till sunrise in boxers on roof with cat >watch it go into woods behind house >get back inside and in bed >cat finally calms down and goes to bed I haven't slept yet, this is the 3rd time this has happened but it's never been this bad Pic related it's my cat now that's he's sleeping
f--- /b/ they're back >be me last night >live in house built in 1900-1910s >get in bed around 2am with my cat >cuddling and watching YT >at some point he gets up and walks to 650 KB JPG my closet door >starts flipping the f--- out and jumps up on windowsill licking himself like crazy >starts clawing at the window a ton >is completely avoiding the floor only jumping up on my dresser, bed, and window >feel some liquid start dripping on me >there's nothing on me and nothing coming from the ceiling >start seeing grey figures pop up around my bed >grab special Damascus knife I keep next to bed since it's the holy steel >the figures disappear >a couple sec later I hear human screaming outside >can hear it come up to porch steps >loud crack and screaming stops >hear footsteps come up porch towards windows >see figure move past first window >goes around corner to second window >it looks like some pale, mangy, 7ft dog with human like front legs >starts f------ with window >windows are just wood frames with glass so no locks >window starts to lift up >dive out first window with cat and knife >jump up on railing and climb onto roof just before it reaches me >wait it out till sunrise in boxers on roof with cat >watch it go into woods behind house >get back inside and in bed >cat finally calms down and goes to bed I haven't slept yet, this is the 3rd time this has happened but it's never been this bad Pic related it's my cat now that's he's sleeping

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Anon has a pleasant weekend | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/24/21(Sat)11:34:23 No.154020703 >Gf is on a girls weekend away >Have the house all to myself >Going to marathon some manly kino >fridge stocked with beer and pizza pre ordered 189 KB JPG How is your weekend going? : Anonymous 07/24/21(Sat)11:36:16 No.154020748 She's gonna cuck you. You should call her and tell her to not go. Trust me on this. I'm like Hitch
: Anonymous 07/24/21(Sat)11:34:23 No.154020703 >Gf is on a girls weekend away >Have the house all to myself >Going to marathon some manly kino >fridge stocked with beer and pizza pre ordered 189 KB JPG How is your weekend going? : Anonymous 07/24/21(Sat)11:36:16 No.154020748 She's gonna cuck you. You should call her and tell her to not go. Trust me on this. I'm like Hitch

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Chad Cat lives the Chad life | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous /r9kot/ 07/24/21(Sat)00:20:06 No.64689751 >12 years old >spent 5 years as a stray >fathered 6 litters in that time >chill af >walks to the park with me >sleeps on my chest at night >dogs that get close are beaten into 76 KB JPG submission >doesn't leave the property when outdoors alone >never hisses or growls : Anonymous 07/24/21(Sat)00:23:56 No.64689777 >>64689751 (OP) # Sounds like a perfect cat, good for you man. Chad cat bro thinks you're a bro to him. 8 KB JPG : Anonymous 07/24/21(Sat)00:35:39 No.64689856 >>64689751 (OP) # Cats are gay therefore by extension you are gay >>64689916 # >>64690664 #
: Anonymous /r9kot/ 07/24/21(Sat)00:20:06 No.64689751 >12 years old >spent 5 years as a stray >fathered 6 litters in that time >chill af >walks to the park with me >sleeps on my chest at night >dogs that get close are beaten into 76 KB JPG submission >doesn't leave the property when outdoors alone >never hisses or growls : Anonymous 07/24/21(Sat)00:23:56 No.64689777 >>64689751 (OP) # Sounds like a perfect cat, good for you man. Chad cat bro thinks you're a bro to him. 8 KB JPG : Anonymous 07/24/21(Sat)00:35:39 No.64689856 >>64689751 (OP) # Cats are gay therefore by extension you are gay >>64689916 # >>64690664 #

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Anon lives in the middle east | /r/Greentext

>be muslim woman >accidentally bump into another man >get stoned to death
>be muslim woman >accidentally bump into another man >get stoned to death

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Anon takes the bus. | /r/Greentext

o Anonymous (ID: tLz24/mU) 07/26/13(Fri)16:44:48 No.495804625 File: 1374871488943.jpg-(12 KB, 262x192, s---.jpg) I'VE SEEN SOME S--- >> >be 13 >sick as a f------ dog still had to go to school, dads man, dads >finally made it to the end of the day, on bus trying not to puke >beautiful princess bitch in front of me with her friend >her perfume makes me f------ nauseous >bus hits bump going around a corner AND SOME S--- ACCESSORIES >oh man >projectile vomit with the force of a billion suns directly into her hair >down her back >into her purse, like i was a f------ machine built specifically to throw up gallons of bile >she throws up too, shes crying and puking >we're both shaking and throwing up, she aint even mad >forced to sit together because we reek and are sufficiently nasty best for 6 years. Replies: >>495805258>>495805824>>495807148
o Anonymous (ID: tLz24/mU) 07/26/13(Fri)16:44:48 No.495804625 File: 1374871488943.jpg-(12 KB, 262x192, s---.jpg) I'VE SEEN SOME S--- >> >be 13 >sick as a f------ dog still had to go to school, dads man, dads >finally made it to the end of the day, on bus trying not to puke >beautiful princess bitch in front of me with her friend >her perfume makes me f------ nauseous >bus hits bump going around a corner AND SOME S--- ACCESSORIES >oh man >projectile vomit with the force of a billion suns directly into her hair >down her back >into her purse, like i was a f------ machine built specifically to throw up gallons of bile >she throws up too, shes crying and puking >we're both shaking and throwing up, she aint even mad >forced to sit together because we reek and are sufficiently nasty best for 6 years. Replies: >>495805258>>495805824>>495807148

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Anon creates a safe space | /r/Greentext

LGBTQ+ Safe Space Thread >Rules: >No Hate >No Bigotry >No /pol/tards 6 KB PNG How is you day, anon?
LGBTQ+ Safe Space Thread >Rules: >No Hate >No Bigotry >No /pol/tards 6 KB PNG How is you day, anon?

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Anon screws up | /r/Greentext

>dad made steaks >tells me to take one small one and one big one >accidentally take the 2 smalls ones >the 2 big steaks are the only ones left >dad throws a tantrum because he 21 KB JPG basically has more food than me how do i keep f------ up?
>dad made steaks >tells me to take one small one and one big one >accidentally take the 2 smalls ones >the 2 big steaks are the only ones left >dad throws a tantrum because he 21 KB JPG basically has more food than me how do i keep f------ up?

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Anon loves his dad | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous E 07/23/21(Fri)21:36:08 No.564823574 >be me >early millenial >dad gen xer >he used to play games as a young father of 23 years >even beat half life on hard >he has to take on more 144 KB PNG responsibility at work to afford being a single father >stops playing games but always gets me Nintendo stuff to keep my attention at home alone >surprises me with snes, n64, gamecube, wii through the years >my favorite thing is playing video games because that's what I did growing up besides playing with friends >hes much older now with a cozy easy construction position >randomly decides to get back into games several years ago >it's movie games but my dad is always asking me about the latest games and consoles now It came full circle bros, make sure to tell your dad you love them
: Anonymous E 07/23/21(Fri)21:36:08 No.564823574 >be me >early millenial >dad gen xer >he used to play games as a young father of 23 years >even beat half life on hard >he has to take on more 144 KB PNG responsibility at work to afford being a single father >stops playing games but always gets me Nintendo stuff to keep my attention at home alone >surprises me with snes, n64, gamecube, wii through the years >my favorite thing is playing video games because that's what I did growing up besides playing with friends >hes much older now with a cozy easy construction position >randomly decides to get back into games several years ago >it's movie games but my dad is always asking me about the latest games and consoles now It came full circle bros, make sure to tell your dad you love them

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Anon has a fetish | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/24/20(Mon)15:06:50 No.834800792 >getting into piss fetish >tugging my gherkin looking at some sweet pee pee pron >see people drink piss >ThatsHawt.png >consider drinking it myself 6 KB JPG >f--- it >it's taste test time >wee in a cup >put that golden body liquor to my lips >tastes sweet >weird but nice >google sweet urine >find tons of sources saying that only happens because of diabeetus >OH F--- OH S--- OH F--- >mfw I have to go to the doctor to ask for a diabetes test and he asks me why I think I need it Wut do /b/? : Anonymous 08/24/20(Mon)15:14:02 No.834801168 Fat f---, hope they cut off your feet
: Anonymous 08/24/20(Mon)15:06:50 No.834800792 >getting into piss fetish >tugging my gherkin looking at some sweet pee pee pron >see people drink piss >ThatsHawt.png >consider drinking it myself 6 KB JPG >f--- it >it's taste test time >wee in a cup >put that golden body liquor to my lips >tastes sweet >weird but nice >google sweet urine >find tons of sources saying that only happens because of diabeetus >OH F--- OH S--- OH F--- >mfw I have to go to the doctor to ask for a diabetes test and he asks me why I think I need it Wut do /b/? : Anonymous 08/24/20(Mon)15:14:02 No.834801168 Fat f---, hope they cut off your feet

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Anon feels down | /r/Greentext

File: EAB7F2EB-DA46-4C18-A32F-9(..).png (7 KB, 225x225) O Anonymous 12/16/20(Wed)17:33:51 No.842461255 >>842461463 >>84 >be me >sad and s--- bc roommates kicked me out >had to move someplace out of town >living by myself >hear foxes screaming all the time, dumb bitch next door feeds them >so bummed out after work, don't even wanna play vidya >all I do is sit on my phone for hours on end >sleep deprived because of lack of exercise and l'm on my phone too much >one night I go down bar >drink, try and pick up 7/10 >missionfailed.wav >thought I was a junky >ffs >sitting outside bar on the curb >some chad walks by with his protein shake >it's like eight at night w-- >asks me why l'm so bummed out sitting by the road >tell him my life's a mess, dropped out of college, can't get gf, new flat etc >puts his arm on my shoulder and says to me >hey man dont worry we'll getcha sorted >tell him f--- you, my life is falling apart don't tell me not to worry >he takes out his earphones and drops his gym bag next to me >looks me dead in the eye >ohfuckohfuckohfuck >picks me up by the shoulder and points at me >moustache appears on his face and four other men form around him >young man >there's no need to feel down >I said young man >pick yourself off the ground >l said young man >cause your in a new town >there's no need to be unhappy Anonymous 12/16/20(Wed)17:38:22 No.842461463 >>842461255 (OP) Kek, good one op Anonymous 12/16/20(Wed)17:41:43 No.842461611 >>842461255 (OP) I don't get it O Anonymous 12/16/20(Wed)17:46:49 No.842461836 File: 1608139245994.gif (14 KB, 112x112) >>842461255 (OP) >checked and kekked F--- me, I'm 34 and all this time I thought they were saying Yo man
File: EAB7F2EB-DA46-4C18-A32F-9(..).png (7 KB, 225x225) O Anonymous 12/16/20(Wed)17:33:51 No.842461255 >>842461463 >>84 >be me >sad and s--- bc roommates kicked me out >had to move someplace out of town >living by myself >hear foxes screaming all the time, dumb bitch next door feeds them >so bummed out after work, don't even wanna play vidya >all I do is sit on my phone for hours on end >sleep deprived because of lack of exercise and l'm on my phone too much >one night I go down bar >drink, try and pick up 7/10 >missionfailed.wav >thought I was a junky >ffs >sitting outside bar on the curb >some chad walks by with his protein shake >it's like eight at night w-- >asks me why l'm so bummed out sitting by the road >tell him my life's a mess, dropped out of college, can't get gf, new flat etc >puts his arm on my shoulder and says to me >hey man dont worry we'll getcha sorted >tell him f--- you, my life is falling apart don't tell me not to worry >he takes out his earphones and drops his gym bag next to me >looks me dead in the eye >ohfuckohfuckohfuck >picks me up by the shoulder and points at me >moustache appears on his face and four other men form around him >young man >there's no need to feel down >I said young man >pick yourself off the ground >l said young man >cause your in a new town >there's no need to be unhappy Anonymous 12/16/20(Wed)17:38:22 No.842461463 >>842461255 (OP) Kek, good one op Anonymous 12/16/20(Wed)17:41:43 No.842461611 >>842461255 (OP) I don't get it O Anonymous 12/16/20(Wed)17:46:49 No.842461836 File: 1608139245994.gif (14 KB, 112x112) >>842461255 (OP) >checked and kekked F--- me, I'm 34 and all this time I thought they were saying Yo man

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anon cheats | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous cheating 07/23/21(Fri)17:29:35 No.24625011 475949D6-01C9-4FF9-9607-F80D592AC6CE.jpg 58 KB JPG >be me >cheat on gf >hoe i cheated with ghosts me >sad what do?
: Anonymous cheating 07/23/21(Fri)17:29:35 No.24625011 475949D6-01C9-4FF9-9607-F80D592AC6CE.jpg 58 KB JPG >be me >cheat on gf >hoe i cheated with ghosts me >sad what do?

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Anon is funnier than Amy Schumer | /r/Greentext

File: 551418EE-3F5F-495D-AC10-A(...).jpg (492 KB, 1004x752) O Anonymous 07/23/21(Fri)23:42:25 No.859575859 >be me >a comedian >gets introduced to crowd, ready to start routine >says "guess what?" >crowd replies "what?" >"chicken butt" >routine over >leaves
File: 551418EE-3F5F-495D-AC10-A(...).jpg (492 KB, 1004x752) O Anonymous 07/23/21(Fri)23:42:25 No.859575859 >be me >a comedian >gets introduced to crowd, ready to start routine >says "guess what?" >crowd replies "what?" >"chicken butt" >routine over >leaves

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Easy proposal | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/24/21(Sat)06:31:14 No.64692433 >400 word essay due Wednesday >still haven't started it SEX: MILD SUFFERING 77 KB JPG : Anonymous 07/24/21(Sat)06:32:51 No.64692447 >400 word essay With all due respect: You still in middle school? If so are you female and will you have sex with me? >>64692459 # >>64692487 #
: Anonymous 07/24/21(Sat)06:31:14 No.64692433 >400 word essay due Wednesday >still haven't started it SEX: MILD SUFFERING 77 KB JPG : Anonymous 07/24/21(Sat)06:32:51 No.64692447 >400 word essay With all due respect: You still in middle school? If so are you female and will you have sex with me? >>64692459 # >>64692487 #

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Anon goes to discord dating servers | /r/Greentext

>no gf >desperate for any kind of attention from females >go on disboard >look for dating servers >chat up some girls >they all either ghost me or are more 81 KB JPG interested in someone else >feel like roping to stop the pain Some time later >go on another dating server with a new plan >pretend to be female >act like obnoxious e thot >all the boys are chatting me up >also say l'm bi/pan >girls start dming me >I have so much confidence because I'm not scared of f------ things up because l'm here to troll >start connecting with a girl >finally tell her lI'm actually a guy >she's cool with it and doesn't mind >bitch f------ ghosts me later You see guys, being a girl or pretending to be one makes puts the daring scene on easy mode for you. But when you're a guy everything is f------ awful
>no gf >desperate for any kind of attention from females >go on disboard >look for dating servers >chat up some girls >they all either ghost me or are more 81 KB JPG interested in someone else >feel like roping to stop the pain Some time later >go on another dating server with a new plan >pretend to be female >act like obnoxious e thot >all the boys are chatting me up >also say l'm bi/pan >girls start dming me >I have so much confidence because I'm not scared of f------ things up because l'm here to troll >start connecting with a girl >finally tell her lI'm actually a guy >she's cool with it and doesn't mind >bitch f------ ghosts me later You see guys, being a girl or pretending to be one makes puts the daring scene on easy mode for you. But when you're a guy everything is f------ awful

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Anon made mistake | /r/Greentext

>be me, redditor >browsing r/greentext >"ummm why do i have to watch greentexts on another site begin copied to reddit" 24 KB JPG >opens 4chan /b/ >proceeds to get mentally scarred >l have seen so much p--- its boring, might be asexual now >l also hate woman DONT BROWSE 4CHAN you redditors watching this on r/greentext
>be me, redditor >browsing r/greentext >"ummm why do i have to watch greentexts on another site begin copied to reddit" 24 KB JPG >opens 4chan /b/ >proceeds to get mentally scarred >l have seen so much p--- its boring, might be asexual now >l also hate woman DONT BROWSE 4CHAN you redditors watching this on r/greentext

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Anon is bored | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: FZCUZKPD)E 07/23/21(Fri)08:42:18 No.331132273 >>331131940 (OP) # >le nazi bad >le communist bad why are polish so boring?
: Anonymous (ID: FZCUZKPD)E 07/23/21(Fri)08:42:18 No.331132273 >>331131940 (OP) # >le nazi bad >le communist bad why are polish so boring?

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Anon has antifa parents | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/23/21(Fri)22:02:41 No.859574129 Oyste Bouse atiqu GOOD NI ARIDE WHITE P AITFASCION ACTION 4742B8B6-6637-4F30-AF21-9FEA51E253F5.jpg 384 KB JPG >be me >about to be born >hopefully I will become a reasonable person >my parents are self-proclaimed antifa supersoldiers Guys I'm gonna f------ kms as soon as possible 11 PIGHT HITE
: Anonymous 07/23/21(Fri)22:02:41 No.859574129 Oyste Bouse atiqu GOOD NI ARIDE WHITE P AITFASCION ACTION 4742B8B6-6637-4F30-AF21-9FEA51E253F5.jpg 384 KB JPG >be me >about to be born >hopefully I will become a reasonable person >my parents are self-proclaimed antifa supersoldiers Guys I'm gonna f------ kms as soon as possible 11 PIGHT HITE

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Anon is going to be a father | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/24/21(Sat)12:21:22 No.64691889 >be me >24 years old kissless virgin >apply to be a sperm donor at local fertility center >pass all clinical test and somehow make it through the interview with the psychologist 155 KB JPG >sign a contract to c-- inside a test tube 6 times per month and get paid for it >got contacted today >someone is unironically interested in impregnating his wife with my seed >mfw
: Anonymous 07/24/21(Sat)12:21:22 No.64691889 >be me >24 years old kissless virgin >apply to be a sperm donor at local fertility center >pass all clinical test and somehow make it through the interview with the psychologist 155 KB JPG >sign a contract to c-- inside a test tube 6 times per month and get paid for it >got contacted today >someone is unironically interested in impregnating his wife with my seed >mfw

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Stricken from the record | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/23/21(Fri)15:06:44 No.64684390 >tfw you realize you are never going to be accepted as a respectable human being because your name is striker 484 КВ GIF
: Anonymous 07/23/21(Fri)15:06:44 No.64684390 >tfw you realize you are never going to be accepted as a respectable human being because your name is striker 484 КВ GIF

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