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DOCTORS HATE THIS SIMPLE TRICK | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 11/05/18(Mon)08:32:38 No.48253487 >>48253499 >>48253509 >>48253656 >>48253958 >>48254525 >>48255031 >>48255404 >>48255952 >>48255975 >>48256235 >>48257303 >>48257376 >>48257385 >>48258144 tips for getting the old willy turned on? might have a girl over tonight, i have a tendency to be soft. idk why. any tips please fit. i beg'mst tldr: boner hacks really. hold your dong in your hand in a cup like style and then close your hand and pulsate slowly. do this while sniffing from a cup of vinegar from your other hand. its f----- up, but the diffrent sensations takes your mind off of an expected result and while your brain is trying to figure out your autism, the boner should rise. >guy goes soft on me during sex >cantgetworsethanthis.png >he pulls out a bottle of vinegar from nightstand >pours it into a glass and holds it to his nose >starts taking long inhales it while grabbing his limp junk >fuckthisshit.exe >I start getting dressed >between inhales he keeps muttering "dammit fit"
Anonymous 11/05/18(Mon)08:32:38 No.48253487 >>48253499 >>48253509 >>48253656 >>48253958 >>48254525 >>48255031 >>48255404 >>48255952 >>48255975 >>48256235 >>48257303 >>48257376 >>48257385 >>48258144 tips for getting the old willy turned on? might have a girl over tonight, i have a tendency to be soft. idk why. any tips please fit. i beg'mst tldr: boner hacks really. hold your dong in your hand in a cup like style and then close your hand and pulsate slowly. do this while sniffing from a cup of vinegar from your other hand. its f----- up, but the diffrent sensations takes your mind off of an expected result and while your brain is trying to figure out your autism, the boner should rise. >guy goes soft on me during sex >cantgetworsethanthis.png >he pulls out a bottle of vinegar from nightstand >pours it into a glass and holds it to his nose >starts taking long inhales it while grabbing his limp junk >fuckthisshit.exe >I start getting dressed >between inhales he keeps muttering "dammit fit"

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Anon wants a plush | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous I need a giant plush of rapidash that I can sit on nude and piss on! I need her to have a mount for a bad dragon sleeve so I can f--- her! I need her to be warmed from the inside, like a heated seat! I need her to be semi posable! >>53125783 # : Anonymous >>53125829 # >>53124972 # What's your price range? : Anonymous # >>53129815 # 01/30/23(Mon)00:02:45 : Anonymous >>53125783 # $5000USD or so. Over if it's necessary, but I'd like to stay around that. It has to support 1000lbs plus being f----- with that weight on top of it though. I'm only 400lbs, but I will have partners using it with me. I'd like to be able to insert toys in the mouth, ass, and p---- of the plush, and maybe have a removable c---. 35 KB JPG >>53125859 # >>53125926 # >>53126903 # >>53127365 # >>53127837 01/30/23(Mon)02:25:34 No.53125783 ******** 01/30/23(Mon)02:33:58 No.53125829 58 KB JPG No.53124972 >>53125881 # >>53126492 # 01/30/23(Mon)02:42:20 No.53125859 >>53125829 # >i'm only 400 pounds christ almighty anon >>53127446 # >>53125829 # >>53125829 # >>53128331 # >*STOMP* *STOMP* *STOMP* >*LAYS DOWN S----- SEWN TOGETHER LIFE SIZE RAPIDASH PLUSH* >I AM HEAVY PLUSH F----- >AND THIS... IS MY PLUSH >SHE WEIGHS 500 LBS AND CAN SUPPORT OVER 1000 LBS OF WEIGHT UPON IT AS I F--- THE S--- OUT OF IT >...IT COSTS $5000USD TO F--- THIS PLUSH... >...FOR 12 SECONDS >OH-HAH-HAH-HAHAHA *SNORT* HAHAHA HO HO но >... >OH MY GOD WHO TOUCH RAPIDASH? >ALRIGHT... >... >WHO TOUCH MY PLUSH?! >SOME PEOPLE THINK I'M OVERWEIGHT >MAYBE >*SNIFF* >MAYBE >I HAVE YET TO MEET ONE WHO CAN OVERWEIGH MY CONFIDENCE >*MUFFLED SOUNDS OF BED CREAKING* >WAAAHHHHH UWAHHHHHHH CRY SOME MOOOOORRREEE >*MUFFLED S----- STOCK HORSE NEIGH FROM THE VOICE BOX* >HEHEHE... CRY SOME MORE... >>53130196 # >>53130256 #
: Anonymous I need a giant plush of rapidash that I can sit on nude and piss on! I need her to have a mount for a bad dragon sleeve so I can f--- her! I need her to be warmed from the inside, like a heated seat! I need her to be semi posable! >>53125783 # : Anonymous >>53125829 # >>53124972 # What's your price range? : Anonymous # >>53129815 # 01/30/23(Mon)00:02:45 : Anonymous >>53125783 # $5000USD or so. Over if it's necessary, but I'd like to stay around that. It has to support 1000lbs plus being f----- with that weight on top of it though. I'm only 400lbs, but I will have partners using it with me. I'd like to be able to insert toys in the mouth, ass, and p---- of the plush, and maybe have a removable c---. 35 KB JPG >>53125859 # >>53125926 # >>53126903 # >>53127365 # >>53127837 01/30/23(Mon)02:25:34 No.53125783 ******** 01/30/23(Mon)02:33:58 No.53125829 58 KB JPG No.53124972 >>53125881 # >>53126492 # 01/30/23(Mon)02:42:20 No.53125859 >>53125829 # >i'm only 400 pounds christ almighty anon >>53127446 # >>53125829 # >>53125829 # >>53128331 # >*STOMP* *STOMP* *STOMP* >*LAYS DOWN S----- SEWN TOGETHER LIFE SIZE RAPIDASH PLUSH* >I AM HEAVY PLUSH F----- >AND THIS... IS MY PLUSH >SHE WEIGHS 500 LBS AND CAN SUPPORT OVER 1000 LBS OF WEIGHT UPON IT AS I F--- THE S--- OUT OF IT >...IT COSTS $5000USD TO F--- THIS PLUSH... >...FOR 12 SECONDS >OH-HAH-HAH-HAHAHA *SNORT* HAHAHA HO HO но >... >OH MY GOD WHO TOUCH RAPIDASH? >ALRIGHT... >... >WHO TOUCH MY PLUSH?! >SOME PEOPLE THINK I'M OVERWEIGHT >MAYBE >*SNIFF* >MAYBE >I HAVE YET TO MEET ONE WHO CAN OVERWEIGH MY CONFIDENCE >*MUFFLED SOUNDS OF BED CREAKING* >WAAAHHHHH UWAHHHHHHH CRY SOME MOOOOORRREEE >*MUFFLED S----- STOCK HORSE NEIGH FROM THE VOICE BOX* >HEHEHE... CRY SOME MORE... >>53130196 # >>53130256 #

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Anon finds out why technological advancement is happening | /r/Greentext

1d (1/30 15:12) 91224072 190 Re - 28 Img JPG 108KB (1200 × 750) · 1 UblqmBcsbdhQovCRmmRJbQ.jpg 28 Replies JOAQUIN PHOENIX AMY ADAMS ROONEY MARA OLIVIA WILDE AND SCARLETT JOHANSSON her A SPIKE JONZE LOVE STORY >voice generation Al >chatbot Al >stable diffusion Al It's all coming together, isn't it? :
1d (1/30 15:12) 91224072 190 Re - 28 Img JPG 108KB (1200 × 750) · 1 UblqmBcsbdhQovCRmmRJbQ.jpg 28 Replies JOAQUIN PHOENIX AMY ADAMS ROONEY MARA OLIVIA WILDE AND SCARLETT JOHANSSON her A SPIKE JONZE LOVE STORY >voice generation Al >chatbot Al >stable diffusion Al It's all coming together, isn't it? :

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Anon is large but not in charge | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 11/11/22(Fri)23:41:12 No.176710605 ► (75 KB, 598x687) >>176711865 File: 88E04511-D643-4442-ACC4-6(...).jpg >character sits on the toilet >it doesn't break the second he sits on it Must be nice!
Anonymous 11/11/22(Fri)23:41:12 No.176710605 ► (75 KB, 598x687) >>176711865 File: 88E04511-D643-4442-ACC4-6(...).jpg >character sits on the toilet >it doesn't break the second he sits on it Must be nice!

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The FAMAS looks fucken fire tho | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/17/22(Mon)20:01:00 No.70622710 148a.jpg 17 KB JPG >be french >made one gun that shoots 3 bullets at once >mag capacity is not divisible by 3
: Anonymous 10/17/22(Mon)20:01:00 No.70622710 148a.jpg 17 KB JPG >be french >made one gun that shoots 3 bullets at once >mag capacity is not divisible by 3

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Anon likes chicken | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 231 KB JPG 10/26/21(Tue)08:40:35 No.65906654 >neighbors suddenly have chickens >chickens make chicken noises >for some reason, this warms my heart >get woken up by chickens doing the funny chicken sounds and there's suddenly a smile on my face >exit my house to do some exercise and see the chickens in the neighbors' backyard >instantly feel great >not even sure if it's legal for them to own chickens, but I'm not going to complain >just feel really f------ happy whenever I hear them make their silly sounds Thanks chickens
: Anonymous 231 KB JPG 10/26/21(Tue)08:40:35 No.65906654 >neighbors suddenly have chickens >chickens make chicken noises >for some reason, this warms my heart >get woken up by chickens doing the funny chicken sounds and there's suddenly a smile on my face >exit my house to do some exercise and see the chickens in the neighbors' backyard >instantly feel great >not even sure if it's legal for them to own chickens, but I'm not going to complain >just feel really f------ happy whenever I hear them make their silly sounds Thanks chickens

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Anon has a girlfriend | /r/Greentext

8 KB JPG > be on date with my girlfriend > she's foreign > took a flight down here for winter > we're hanging out in the park > she has a wierd twitter addiction > won't stop tweeting > ask her to stop and have a normal conversation > she looks me in the eyes and sends a tweet > get p----- off and scream at her > leave > feel bad about the breakup > buy a sandwich from Subway to make it up to her > eat fresh > get back to park > she's still there tweeting > call her name > toss pieces of toasted bread on the ground > she leans over and eats them > my girlfriend's a bird
8 KB JPG > be on date with my girlfriend > she's foreign > took a flight down here for winter > we're hanging out in the park > she has a wierd twitter addiction > won't stop tweeting > ask her to stop and have a normal conversation > she looks me in the eyes and sends a tweet > get p----- off and scream at her > leave > feel bad about the breakup > buy a sandwich from Subway to make it up to her > eat fresh > get back to park > she's still there tweeting > call her name > toss pieces of toasted bread on the ground > she leans over and eats them > my girlfriend's a bird

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anon gets character development | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 41 KB JPG 02/01/23(Wed)02:25:21 No.893606529 >Be me >Cringe degenerate furry >Into everything you'd expect a furry to be into (farts, feet, morbidly obese people) >Miraculously get a fat gf despite being one of the most autistic losers on earth >Tell her I want her to sit on my face >She does it >Immediately regret it because she's so heavy my skull is nearly crushed into pieces and I have to use my skinny arms just to stop some of her weight from going onto my skull >She accidentally farts and I can barely suppress the urge to vomit >"How was it?" >Don't have the balls to tell her it was horrible and upset her so I told her it was great >She wants to do it even more now >Immediately delete my furaffinity account and feel absolutely disgusted by all the gross things I've done on that awful site in the past few years Don't be a furry or a chubby chaser, bros. Don't make the same mistakes I did. It's not worth it
: Anonymous 41 KB JPG 02/01/23(Wed)02:25:21 No.893606529 >Be me >Cringe degenerate furry >Into everything you'd expect a furry to be into (farts, feet, morbidly obese people) >Miraculously get a fat gf despite being one of the most autistic losers on earth >Tell her I want her to sit on my face >She does it >Immediately regret it because she's so heavy my skull is nearly crushed into pieces and I have to use my skinny arms just to stop some of her weight from going onto my skull >She accidentally farts and I can barely suppress the urge to vomit >"How was it?" >Don't have the balls to tell her it was horrible and upset her so I told her it was great >She wants to do it even more now >Immediately delete my furaffinity account and feel absolutely disgusted by all the gross things I've done on that awful site in the past few years Don't be a furry or a chubby chaser, bros. Don't make the same mistakes I did. It's not worth it

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Anon is a coomer | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous BORN TO COOOOM 109 KB JPG 07/19/21 (Mon)13:26:45 No.859285379 >Graduated high school 6 years ago >Haven't spoken to my high school crush since >Check her Instagram every day >She has it on private and I can't see anything >Check today >It's set to public >Screenshot every photo >Check back a couple hours later >It's set back to private mfw I can bust to her photos again
: Anonymous BORN TO COOOOM 109 KB JPG 07/19/21 (Mon)13:26:45 No.859285379 >Graduated high school 6 years ago >Haven't spoken to my high school crush since >Check her Instagram every day >She has it on private and I can't see anything >Check today >It's set to public >Screenshot every photo >Check back a couple hours later >It's set back to private mfw I can bust to her photos again

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anon goes to school | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 57 KB JPG 03/29/22(Tue)06:49:04 No.875305328 >be me >4th grade >old ass teacher lady is teaching >kid next to me won't stfu >he's got like ADHD on crack >teacher: "Please be quiet." x20 >kid is still talking and getting louder >teacher is getting visibly red, but still being semi polite. >kids starts dancing in his chair and singing some song at the top of his lungs. >teacher snaps >she grabs him by the shoulders and shakes him. >she's starts screaming: " DO YOU WANT TO DIE?!" >She repeats that like 3 times, shaking him pretty hard. >other kids start crying. >ADHD kid is white as a sheet. >teacher goes back to teaching like nothing happened. >next day we have substitute >next 2 weeks parents, counselors, principal, vice principal, and superintendent are interviewing kids about what happened. >never see teacher again. >12 years later >ADHD kid is convicted of murder and on the run from the law.
: Anonymous 57 KB JPG 03/29/22(Tue)06:49:04 No.875305328 >be me >4th grade >old ass teacher lady is teaching >kid next to me won't stfu >he's got like ADHD on crack >teacher: "Please be quiet." x20 >kid is still talking and getting louder >teacher is getting visibly red, but still being semi polite. >kids starts dancing in his chair and singing some song at the top of his lungs. >teacher snaps >she grabs him by the shoulders and shakes him. >she's starts screaming: " DO YOU WANT TO DIE?!" >She repeats that like 3 times, shaking him pretty hard. >other kids start crying. >ADHD kid is white as a sheet. >teacher goes back to teaching like nothing happened. >next day we have substitute >next 2 weeks parents, counselors, principal, vice principal, and superintendent are interviewing kids about what happened. >never see teacher again. >12 years later >ADHD kid is convicted of murder and on the run from the law.

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Anon gets a good nights sleep | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 96 KB JPG 10/12/17(Thu)23:00:07 No.40366294 >love having pressure on top of me >buy a weighted blanket so I can have something snug and warm lay on top of me and feel like I'm being hugged >do more research >find out weighted blankets are made for autistic kids oh no
: Anonymous 96 KB JPG 10/12/17(Thu)23:00:07 No.40366294 >love having pressure on top of me >buy a weighted blanket so I can have something snug and warm lay on top of me and feel like I'm being hugged >do more research >find out weighted blankets are made for autistic kids oh no

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Anon leaves | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 131 KB JPG 07/05/18(Thu)16:31:04 No.773480835 >live in virginia >move to north carolina >see ya later virginians
Anonymous 131 KB JPG 07/05/18(Thu)16:31:04 No.773480835 >live in virginia >move to north carolina >see ya later virginians

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Kramer buys the psvr2 | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 01/30/23(Mon)22:00:49 No.626079110 kr.png 467 KB PNG >>626078846 # >"yeah jer I bought the sony vr headset the other week and it only cost $550!" >laugh track >"well does it have games?" >"does it have what?" >laugh track >"games you know the main reason you bought it in the first place?" >"oohh yeah that would of been a good reason" >laugh track followed by bass guitar
Anonymous 01/30/23(Mon)22:00:49 No.626079110 kr.png 467 KB PNG >>626078846 # >"yeah jer I bought the sony vr headset the other week and it only cost $550!" >laugh track >"well does it have games?" >"does it have what?" >laugh track >"games you know the main reason you bought it in the first place?" >"oohh yeah that would of been a good reason" >laugh track followed by bass guitar

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Anon encounters the shadow man | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 2/20/20(Sun)09:03:39 No.27095947 >>27093470 >boning my gf >doggystyle, she's loving it >my d--- is 7.5in easily >she achieves orgasm (as usual) when suddenly I feel like I'm being watched >pubes suddenly stand on end 5 KB JPG >gf doesn't notice, and I maintain my rhythmic thrusting, making her c-- again with my rock hard 8 incher >but something feels off >reach for my rechargeable Maglite RL1019 and scan the room >gf mumbles "what the f---" as waves of pleasure sweep through her body >a strange sulfuric smell fills the room, smells like the huevos rancheros and refried beans I had for breakfast >I turn around >there's a tall dark figure standing behind me >he wasn't there before >feels like he's feeding off of my virility, like a vampire >panic.jpg >l begin to thrust ferociously >gotta make my gf c-- one more time before dealing with the strange apparition/demon >as gf achieves orgasm (again, as usual), I pull out my solid 9 inch woody and blast my load all over the dark entity >I hear a hiss as the j--- hits his shadowy form and the spectre lets out a piercing cry >once more, the stench of sulfur fills the room >the floor is covered in c-- and a strange black-ish substance >gf asks, "did you f------ fart??" >I tell her it was the shadowman >somehow she didn't see him (paranormal) >"Oh my f------ god Josh did you s--- on the ground?" >it was the shadowman bitch >I swear to god
Anonymous 2/20/20(Sun)09:03:39 No.27095947 >>27093470 >boning my gf >doggystyle, she's loving it >my d--- is 7.5in easily >she achieves orgasm (as usual) when suddenly I feel like I'm being watched >pubes suddenly stand on end 5 KB JPG >gf doesn't notice, and I maintain my rhythmic thrusting, making her c-- again with my rock hard 8 incher >but something feels off >reach for my rechargeable Maglite RL1019 and scan the room >gf mumbles "what the f---" as waves of pleasure sweep through her body >a strange sulfuric smell fills the room, smells like the huevos rancheros and refried beans I had for breakfast >I turn around >there's a tall dark figure standing behind me >he wasn't there before >feels like he's feeding off of my virility, like a vampire >panic.jpg >l begin to thrust ferociously >gotta make my gf c-- one more time before dealing with the strange apparition/demon >as gf achieves orgasm (again, as usual), I pull out my solid 9 inch woody and blast my load all over the dark entity >I hear a hiss as the j--- hits his shadowy form and the spectre lets out a piercing cry >once more, the stench of sulfur fills the room >the floor is covered in c-- and a strange black-ish substance >gf asks, "did you f------ fart??" >I tell her it was the shadowman >somehow she didn't see him (paranormal) >"Oh my f------ god Josh did you s--- on the ground?" >it was the shadowman bitch >I swear to god

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Anon enjoys a spirited game of Jenga | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Why are American Jenga Players(...) 546 KB JPG 01/31/23(Tue)10:22:42 No.72039981 > "YoU tOucHEd ThAt BIOCK So you HavE tO PULI tHat OnE Out" Go f--- yourself, that's not how the f------ game is played, you dumb, the f---, a------. Quoted from the official Jenga rules: > "Players may tap a block to find a loose one. Any blocks moved but not played should be replaced, unless doing so would make the tower fall. " You've never even f------ read the rules have you, you s------- idiot. What, is the game over in 3 seconds, if you just so happen to touch a load bearing block first?F------ NO DUMBASS. Learn to read you illiterate f---.
: Anonymous Why are American Jenga Players(...) 546 KB JPG 01/31/23(Tue)10:22:42 No.72039981 > "YoU tOucHEd ThAt BIOCK So you HavE tO PULI tHat OnE Out" Go f--- yourself, that's not how the f------ game is played, you dumb, the f---, a------. Quoted from the official Jenga rules: > "Players may tap a block to find a loose one. Any blocks moved but not played should be replaced, unless doing so would make the tower fall. " You've never even f------ read the rules have you, you s------- idiot. What, is the game over in 3 seconds, if you just so happen to touch a load bearing block first?F------ NO DUMBASS. Learn to read you illiterate f---.

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righteous justice | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/16/23(Mon)20:19:02 No.179313819 >>179318559 # >>179318912 # jigsaw.jpg 70 KB JPG >Remember when you accidentally stepped on a bug 30 years ago? >In two minutes this hot lead will fill your urethra
: Anonymous 01/16/23(Mon)20:19:02 No.179313819 >>179318559 # >>179318912 # jigsaw.jpg 70 KB JPG >Remember when you accidentally stepped on a bug 30 years ago? >In two minutes this hot lead will fill your urethra

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Anon commits a crime | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Me staring at the single mother as swallow her car keys 68 KB JPG 01/31/23(Tue)14:52:26 No.72039272 >fat lazy son of a bitch coworker tells me wo work faster >dont respond but he keeps telling me to speed up >watch him to find out which car he gers into after work >one day I follow him to see where this bitchnigga parks his new expensive car >one week later I drive to his car at night and stab all his tires >scratch the s--- out of his new car with my knife >next day he come 30 minutes late to work >complains the whole day that someone rekt his new car >insurence wont pay and he wants to murder the guy who did it >so far he hasnt reminded me to work faster Better keep your mouth shut Samuel. 3 Replies / 1 Image View Thread
: Anonymous Me staring at the single mother as swallow her car keys 68 KB JPG 01/31/23(Tue)14:52:26 No.72039272 >fat lazy son of a bitch coworker tells me wo work faster >dont respond but he keeps telling me to speed up >watch him to find out which car he gers into after work >one day I follow him to see where this bitchnigga parks his new expensive car >one week later I drive to his car at night and stab all his tires >scratch the s--- out of his new car with my knife >next day he come 30 minutes late to work >complains the whole day that someone rekt his new car >insurence wont pay and he wants to murder the guy who did it >so far he hasnt reminded me to work faster Better keep your mouth shut Samuel. 3 Replies / 1 Image View Thread

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Anon is perplexed | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 14 KB JPG 01/31/23(Tue)09:15:31 No.72036581 someone's stalking and pranking me. they're going behind me and spraying fart spray or something behind me >stand up >chair smells bad >walk 5 feet >turn around, stinks like ass >walk some more >the stink is following me I will find you
: Anonymous 14 KB JPG 01/31/23(Tue)09:15:31 No.72036581 someone's stalking and pranking me. they're going behind me and spraying fart spray or something behind me >stand up >chair smells bad >walk 5 feet >turn around, stinks like ass >walk some more >the stink is following me I will find you

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Anon doesn’t forgive, anon doesn’t forget. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous O 247 KB PNG 10/02/21 (Sat)20:27:48 No.63759172 This is why I lift >be me >get yelled at repeatedly by my 2nd grade teacher >grow up to be a massive dude >get stronger at the gym >see the teacher out in public again >she's all nice to me >I yell and berate the s--- out of her and she runs away scared shitless
: Anonymous O 247 KB PNG 10/02/21 (Sat)20:27:48 No.63759172 This is why I lift >be me >get yelled at repeatedly by my 2nd grade teacher >grow up to be a massive dude >get stronger at the gym >see the teacher out in public again >she's all nice to me >I yell and berate the s--- out of her and she runs away scared shitless

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Anon won the jackpot | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Cooooooooom ms 23 KB JPG 03/23/21(Tue)08:07:07 No.62876647 > be me, 23 > f------ this older girl, she's around 30 > getbusycoomingorgetbusydying > suddenly she grabs my face and leans close > wispers 'come for mommy baby boy' > sit there frozen in complete shock > j--- the biggest load of my life Guys I am no longer attracted to girls my age, this bitch has given me a mommy fetish and ruined my life
: Anonymous Cooooooooom ms 23 KB JPG 03/23/21(Tue)08:07:07 No.62876647 > be me, 23 > f------ this older girl, she's around 30 > getbusycoomingorgetbusydying > suddenly she grabs my face and leans close > wispers 'come for mommy baby boy' > sit there frozen in complete shock > j--- the biggest load of my life Guys I am no longer attracted to girls my age, this bitch has given me a mommy fetish and ruined my life

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