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anon overcomes his fear | /r/Greentext

File: huhpepe.jpg (10 KB, 239x211) Anonymous 08/27/24(Tue)21:56:35 No.78626432 ►>>78626445 >>78626448 >>78626457 >be me >male, 21 >scared of thunderstorms all my life >one day think to myself "i'm a strong manly man, i shouldn't be afraid of thunderstorms" >no longer scared of thunderstorms why the f--- did that work Anonymous 08/27/24(Tue)21:57:16 No.78626445 >>78626432 (OP) Maybe you should be scared of thunderstorms
File: huhpepe.jpg (10 KB, 239x211) Anonymous 08/27/24(Tue)21:56:35 No.78626432 ►>>78626445 >>78626448 >>78626457 >be me >male, 21 >scared of thunderstorms all my life >one day think to myself "i'm a strong manly man, i shouldn't be afraid of thunderstorms" >no longer scared of thunderstorms why the f--- did that work Anonymous 08/27/24(Tue)21:57:16 No.78626445 >>78626432 (OP) Maybe you should be scared of thunderstorms

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Anon, the Dark Summoner | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 07/09/16(Sat) 19:40:09 No. 17899755 ➤ >>17899761 >>17899797 >>17899805 >>17899871 File: ABSENCE OF GOD.jpg (70 KB, 1280x900) >be me Anonymous 07/09/16(Sat) 19:44:43 No. 17899761 File: 13241234.gif (349 KB, 375x500) >>17899755 Absendo God >I thought: >try to invoke Gusion unsuccessfully a few days ago >last night >power goes out > light a few candles >I was thinking about why it failed Was I not taking it seriously? >candle flickers into a glorious dancing flame >It dies down a second later >I said out loud: you there n----? >it grows again >then dies out >ask him if he is upset >flame rises again >feels compelled to feed it >I take a chocolate coated peanut >I place it in the flames >power flickers on when the peanut is completely consumed by the candlefire Anonymous 07/09/16(Sat)20:29:46 No. 17899870 >>17899902 File: 1448179451753.jpg (88 KB, 960x955) >>17899797 >Real n----- grimoire 1- Setup everything >demon is present >you decide to say >you there n----? you there n----? Anonymous 07/09/16(Sat) 19:58:07 No. 17899797 >>17899870 >>17899755 >Be feared and respected Great Duke of Hell >Command over forty legions of powerful demons >Be greeted with 'You there n----?' There needs to be a Compton-Approved Grimoire Anonymous 07/09/16(Sat)20:03:47 No. 17899805 ► File: 1+don+t+know+about+sponge(...).jpg (12 KB, 254x230) >>17899755 >"you there n----?" >offering him an m&m 2-Point the wand at the triangle and yell: "Yo, (name of spirit). Get your demon ass in that f------ triangle, and you better not try anything funny. Move your ass out of the abyss before i f------ cut you. Hear me and get in here, bitch" 2- Properly welcome the spirit "My n---- (name of spirit)!. How you like my crib?" 3- Make your request. Some pointers: -Keep it real. Spirits tend to avoid bitch ass n----- -Demons be trippin'. Give that n---- a deadline or he'll sleep on your ass. -Make it clear that if he touches you or your squad, youll bring out the AK -Give the n---- a nice reward. An ounce of relatively good weed and a bottle of kool-aid are usually enough for small favours. 4- Bring up the Mixtape of MC Solomon and yell: "By the fire recorded on this track and the authority of Lawd Almighty, you better f------ do what I just said" 5-Get rid of the spirit: "Get your ass of my f------ house, (name of spirit). Go back to your own crib, n----. Dont try to be funny or mess with me or the homies or ill smoke your black ass, i swear to god."
Anonymous 07/09/16(Sat) 19:40:09 No. 17899755 ➤ >>17899761 >>17899797 >>17899805 >>17899871 File: ABSENCE OF GOD.jpg (70 KB, 1280x900) >be me Anonymous 07/09/16(Sat) 19:44:43 No. 17899761 File: 13241234.gif (349 KB, 375x500) >>17899755 Absendo God >I thought: >try to invoke Gusion unsuccessfully a few days ago >last night >power goes out > light a few candles >I was thinking about why it failed Was I not taking it seriously? >candle flickers into a glorious dancing flame >It dies down a second later >I said out loud: you there n----? >it grows again >then dies out >ask him if he is upset >flame rises again >feels compelled to feed it >I take a chocolate coated peanut >I place it in the flames >power flickers on when the peanut is completely consumed by the candlefire Anonymous 07/09/16(Sat)20:29:46 No. 17899870 >>17899902 File: 1448179451753.jpg (88 KB, 960x955) >>17899797 >Real n----- grimoire 1- Setup everything >demon is present >you decide to say >you there n----? you there n----? Anonymous 07/09/16(Sat) 19:58:07 No. 17899797 >>17899870 >>17899755 >Be feared and respected Great Duke of Hell >Command over forty legions of powerful demons >Be greeted with 'You there n----?' There needs to be a Compton-Approved Grimoire Anonymous 07/09/16(Sat)20:03:47 No. 17899805 ► File: 1+don+t+know+about+sponge(...).jpg (12 KB, 254x230) >>17899755 >"you there n----?" >offering him an m&m 2-Point the wand at the triangle and yell: "Yo, (name of spirit). Get your demon ass in that f------ triangle, and you better not try anything funny. Move your ass out of the abyss before i f------ cut you. Hear me and get in here, bitch" 2- Properly welcome the spirit "My n---- (name of spirit)!. How you like my crib?" 3- Make your request. Some pointers: -Keep it real. Spirits tend to avoid bitch ass n----- -Demons be trippin'. Give that n---- a deadline or he'll sleep on your ass. -Make it clear that if he touches you or your squad, youll bring out the AK -Give the n---- a nice reward. An ounce of relatively good weed and a bottle of kool-aid are usually enough for small favours. 4- Bring up the Mixtape of MC Solomon and yell: "By the fire recorded on this track and the authority of Lawd Almighty, you better f------ do what I just said" 5-Get rid of the spirit: "Get your ass of my f------ house, (name of spirit). Go back to your own crib, n----. Dont try to be funny or mess with me or the homies or ill smoke your black ass, i swear to god."

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She a copper | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 11/10/13(Sun)21:40:01 No.515425318 > been chatting with cute 14 year old girl > really flirty and sexy 61 KB JPG > now she tells me she's an undercover cop > how f------ cool is that for someone her age
Anonymous 11/10/13(Sun)21:40:01 No.515425318 > been chatting with cute 14 year old girl > really flirty and sexy 61 KB JPG > now she tells me she's an undercover cop > how f------ cool is that for someone her age

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Anon has no bitches | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 40 KB PNG >check WeChat No new messages >check Line No new messages 08/27/24(Tue)17:57:35 No.47247875 >check Discord No new messages >check iMessage No new messages >check WhatsApp No new messages >check Signal No new messages How can I stop the pain? : Anonymous >>47247875 08/27/24(Tue)18:05:42 No.47247952 >6 different messaging apps Have you tried not being an f-----
: Anonymous 40 KB PNG >check WeChat No new messages >check Line No new messages 08/27/24(Tue)17:57:35 No.47247875 >check Discord No new messages >check iMessage No new messages >check WhatsApp No new messages >check Signal No new messages How can I stop the pain? : Anonymous >>47247875 08/27/24(Tue)18:05:42 No.47247952 >6 different messaging apps Have you tried not being an f-----

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See the mission through | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/19/24(Wed)02:58:44 No.200247297 GRAND anne-hathaway-i-interstellar.jpg 439 KB JPG >we are NOT LEAVING without the data of this uninhabitable planet humanity couldn't even colonize without getting sweeped by 200 feet tall waves w-- was his problem
: Anonymous 06/19/24(Wed)02:58:44 No.200247297 GRAND anne-hathaway-i-interstellar.jpg 439 KB JPG >we are NOT LEAVING without the data of this uninhabitable planet humanity couldn't even colonize without getting sweeped by 200 feet tall waves w-- was his problem

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Return the monke | /r/Greentext

<3 107 KB JPG >be me >middle school >teacher is talking about std's >says you can only catch it by having relations with someone else >I conclude this is a fallacy since there had to be someone who had it without having sex and he's the one who started it >ask the teacher >"you can catch it by having sex anon" >know he didn't awnser the question on purpose but whatever >flash forward to now >i now know how patient zero caught aids >mfw my teacher didn't have the heart to tell me someone f----- a monkey
<3 107 KB JPG >be me >middle school >teacher is talking about std's >says you can only catch it by having relations with someone else >I conclude this is a fallacy since there had to be someone who had it without having sex and he's the one who started it >ask the teacher >"you can catch it by having sex anon" >know he didn't awnser the question on purpose but whatever >flash forward to now >i now know how patient zero caught aids >mfw my teacher didn't have the heart to tell me someone f----- a monkey

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My dad's mugshot was used in a greentext??? | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: Q1S8wdt2) 55 KB JPG hear mewalk by 07/20/14(Sun)00:27:43 No.557553041 >>557551179 (OP) # >walk by the den one day >computer is within view of the door >dad is on the computer, doesnt >viewing some creepshots of milfy news anchors thighs on google images >can see his has 3 other pages pushed to the side from other p--- sites. He's viewing them all at once in a frenzy >chuckle, and walk away >week later I come in late at night, stoned like a cheating muslim women >dad is standing in the kitchen with a baggie from my stash >"anon, just what the hell is this?" >"...well, I can tell you what its not..... a google search of your favorite news anchors thighs" >dead silence hangs in the air, he gives me a nod and leaves the room >mfw >never speak about ethier incident again probably the closest father and son moment we've ever had
Anonymous (ID: Q1S8wdt2) 55 KB JPG hear mewalk by 07/20/14(Sun)00:27:43 No.557553041 >>557551179 (OP) # >walk by the den one day >computer is within view of the door >dad is on the computer, doesnt >viewing some creepshots of milfy news anchors thighs on google images >can see his has 3 other pages pushed to the side from other p--- sites. He's viewing them all at once in a frenzy >chuckle, and walk away >week later I come in late at night, stoned like a cheating muslim women >dad is standing in the kitchen with a baggie from my stash >"anon, just what the hell is this?" >"...well, I can tell you what its not..... a google search of your favorite news anchors thighs" >dead silence hangs in the air, he gives me a nod and leaves the room >mfw >never speak about ethier incident again probably the closest father and son moment we've ever had

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Anon makes an oopsie | /r/Greentext

Denny's: Dying for savings? Surprise: the $2 $4 $6 $8 Value Menu is back with an all new Beetlejuice Beetlejuice-Inspired SlamⓇ. bit.ly/4cEqC1H Text STOP to unsubscribe. C Tap to load preview Screenshot_20240827-154543.png 97 KB PNG >be me a month back >F------ retard (to be clear I'm not having sex with a special needs person I am the retard) >Driving freeway >Texting BF (I'm homosexual) >He's low-key sexting me and shi >I'm all excited to see the texts but he hasn't texted in a min >Waiting patiently, trying not to look at phone >Get notif, super excited >Pick up phone and look away from road >Accidentally rear end the f--- out of a semi and also hydroplane into a barrier >Have to be taken to hospital >Super f------ traumatized from my retarded decisions >Need to call my parents but before I do I decide to check my texts to see what my homoboy sent >He f------ didn't send anything and the text I was checking was from Denny's >recently broke up with him pic related Anonymous >>923535410 (OP) # 08/27/24(Tue)15:50:57 No.923535447 HOLY F--- THE 2, 4 6 8 MENU IS BACK AT DENNYS!?
Denny's: Dying for savings? Surprise: the $2 $4 $6 $8 Value Menu is back with an all new Beetlejuice Beetlejuice-Inspired SlamⓇ. bit.ly/4cEqC1H Text STOP to unsubscribe. C Tap to load preview Screenshot_20240827-154543.png 97 KB PNG >be me a month back >F------ retard (to be clear I'm not having sex with a special needs person I am the retard) >Driving freeway >Texting BF (I'm homosexual) >He's low-key sexting me and shi >I'm all excited to see the texts but he hasn't texted in a min >Waiting patiently, trying not to look at phone >Get notif, super excited >Pick up phone and look away from road >Accidentally rear end the f--- out of a semi and also hydroplane into a barrier >Have to be taken to hospital >Super f------ traumatized from my retarded decisions >Need to call my parents but before I do I decide to check my texts to see what my homoboy sent >He f------ didn't send anything and the text I was checking was from Denny's >recently broke up with him pic related Anonymous >>923535410 (OP) # 08/27/24(Tue)15:50:57 No.923535447 HOLY F--- THE 2, 4 6 8 MENU IS BACK AT DENNYS!?

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Meet The Economist | /r/Greentext

Board /pol/ - Politically Incorrect Anonymous (ID: ny30YJDc) UK USA Tesco Beat Mince 500G 20% Fat Write a review > Rest of shelf> + Add Aldi Price Match £2.49 4.98/kg $695 $6.98 USD/Kg: 6.60 >$15 per kg Add ▼ Settings Mobile Home 08/27/24(Tue)17:48:29 No.479787607 GROUND BEEF CANADA + Add All Natural 80% Lean/20% Fat Ground Beef Chuck, 1b Tray USD/Kg: $6.48 $144/100g Your FreshMarket Medium Ground Beef, Your Fresh Market, 450g USD/Kg: 15.280 10.41 249 KB PNG Christ almighty amerribros. Anonymous (ID: WvhrDDOL ) >>479787607 (OP) 08/27/24(Tue)17:50:17 No.479787778 >life in the country with the largest cattle ranches >beef somehow costs gorillions Ameriburgers explain yourself.
Board /pol/ - Politically Incorrect Anonymous (ID: ny30YJDc) UK USA Tesco Beat Mince 500G 20% Fat Write a review > Rest of shelf> + Add Aldi Price Match £2.49 4.98/kg $695 $6.98 USD/Kg: 6.60 >$15 per kg Add ▼ Settings Mobile Home 08/27/24(Tue)17:48:29 No.479787607 GROUND BEEF CANADA + Add All Natural 80% Lean/20% Fat Ground Beef Chuck, 1b Tray USD/Kg: $6.48 $144/100g Your FreshMarket Medium Ground Beef, Your Fresh Market, 450g USD/Kg: 15.280 10.41 249 KB PNG Christ almighty amerribros. Anonymous (ID: WvhrDDOL ) >>479787607 (OP) 08/27/24(Tue)17:50:17 No.479787778 >life in the country with the largest cattle ranches >beef somehow costs gorillions Ameriburgers explain yourself.

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Anon and his grandpa | /r/Greentext

CAT 38 KB JPG story time >me 25 >on the job >co worker is about 3 times my age >can literally be my grandfather (65) >we developed a father son relationship >really care for each other >have deep conversation >holidays come around >timetocelebrate.mkv >we have a toast and some paid days off >work place orginsed a paid worker trip to have fun >me and grandpa are sitting together on the bus >talk a bunch >he shows me pictures of his daughters (my age split 5/7 both 28 26) >we talk about them and I talk about my family too >he throws of the younger one is single >invite me to have a Sunday bbq at his place with his family and more work friends >I go >most of the workers are his age im the youngest man in the company the next in line is 42 >I arrive and he introduce me to his familiy >the younger daughter starts a conversation with me >we get along >we start dating >grandpa master plan worked out anons did I just f--- my sister?
CAT 38 KB JPG story time >me 25 >on the job >co worker is about 3 times my age >can literally be my grandfather (65) >we developed a father son relationship >really care for each other >have deep conversation >holidays come around >timetocelebrate.mkv >we have a toast and some paid days off >work place orginsed a paid worker trip to have fun >me and grandpa are sitting together on the bus >talk a bunch >he shows me pictures of his daughters (my age split 5/7 both 28 26) >we talk about them and I talk about my family too >he throws of the younger one is single >invite me to have a Sunday bbq at his place with his family and more work friends >I go >most of the workers are his age im the youngest man in the company the next in line is 42 >I arrive and he introduce me to his familiy >the younger daughter starts a conversation with me >we get along >we start dating >grandpa master plan worked out anons did I just f--- my sister?

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Why does this happen? | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: OhbTxAQY 08/21/24(Wed)01:18:08 No.479008826 SSA.png 6 KB PNG >mostly devoutly Christian region of the world >also the biggest s------- region of the world How do Christcucks explain this?
Anonymous (ID: OhbTxAQY 08/21/24(Wed)01:18:08 No.479008826 SSA.png 6 KB PNG >mostly devoutly Christian region of the world >also the biggest s------- region of the world How do Christcucks explain this?

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The Flaw is Lava | /r/Greentext

Board /r9k/ - ROBOT9001 Anonymous >Be God ▼Settings Mobile Home 08/27/24(Tue)12:46:24 No.78621420 453 KB PNG >Create the world in 7 days >Give the world volcanoes >Create humans >Give volcanoes the ability to destroy all of humanity at random Why?
Board /r9k/ - ROBOT9001 Anonymous >Be God ▼Settings Mobile Home 08/27/24(Tue)12:46:24 No.78621420 453 KB PNG >Create the world in 7 days >Give the world volcanoes >Create humans >Give volcanoes the ability to destroy all of humanity at random Why?

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anon grows potatoes | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: jBZ6tCqq Redpill me on potato farming 10/03/22(Mon)10:37:44 No.398112469 Potato-Field..jpg 234 KB JPG I read 100m2 of land can produce 1 ton of potatos or €1,000 at retail. Can you get rich if you own a shitton of land? Anonymous (ID: CUPMnEZC) 10/03/22(Mon) 10:42:10 No.398112991 >>398112469 (OP) # >Anon discovers agriculture
Anonymous (ID: jBZ6tCqq Redpill me on potato farming 10/03/22(Mon)10:37:44 No.398112469 Potato-Field..jpg 234 KB JPG I read 100m2 of land can produce 1 ton of potatos or €1,000 at retail. Can you get rich if you own a shitton of land? Anonymous (ID: CUPMnEZC) 10/03/22(Mon) 10:42:10 No.398112991 >>398112469 (OP) # >Anon discovers agriculture

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anon gets pirated | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 100 GRUMPY Animais 19 KB JPEG 27/08/2024, 15:57:48 > be me > struggling artist No.26149234 > spent 100 days working on this grumpy animals art < › finally finish it, feel proud af > post it online, get a few likes, whatever.jpg > some dude steals it > slaps a meme caption on it, doesn't even bother to edit out the book title > meme goes viral, like REALLY viral > dude racks up all the fake internet points > people start sharing it everywhere, becomes a whole thing > meme is literally everywhere, can't escape it > joke's on him, though > people see the book title in the meme, start looking it up > suddenly my book sales go through the roof > didn't expect this.jpeg > book becomes a bestseller out of nowhere > money starts trickling in > finally afford to buy school uniforms for my kids > fix my p------------ car > pay all my bills, feeling like a boss > meme thief got his fake points, I got real cash > best day ever mfw the internet accidentally made me successful.
Anonymous 100 GRUMPY Animais 19 KB JPEG 27/08/2024, 15:57:48 > be me > struggling artist No.26149234 > spent 100 days working on this grumpy animals art < › finally finish it, feel proud af > post it online, get a few likes, whatever.jpg > some dude steals it > slaps a meme caption on it, doesn't even bother to edit out the book title > meme goes viral, like REALLY viral > dude racks up all the fake internet points > people start sharing it everywhere, becomes a whole thing > meme is literally everywhere, can't escape it > joke's on him, though > people see the book title in the meme, start looking it up > suddenly my book sales go through the roof > didn't expect this.jpeg > book becomes a bestseller out of nowhere > money starts trickling in > finally afford to buy school uniforms for my kids > fix my p------------ car > pay all my bills, feeling like a boss > meme thief got his fake points, I got real cash > best day ever mfw the internet accidentally made me successful.

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Supply Shipment | /r/Greentext

a Anonymous alamu alamy 07/17/24(Wed)14:56:32 No.4842744 a a a alamy alamy alamy alamu Image ID: KEDB15 www.alamy.com a-shot-of-a-juvenile-blackbird-KEDB15.jpg 182 KB JPG >can fly just as well as an adult >can't feed itself Yeah, I'm gonna call b------- on this one : Anonymous >>4842744 (OP) # 07/17/24(Wed)16:51:45 No.4842775 Shhh!!!! This is how all 4chan posters survive!
a Anonymous alamu alamy 07/17/24(Wed)14:56:32 No.4842744 a a a alamy alamy alamy alamu Image ID: KEDB15 www.alamy.com a-shot-of-a-juvenile-blackbird-KEDB15.jpg 182 KB JPG >can fly just as well as an adult >can't feed itself Yeah, I'm gonna call b------- on this one : Anonymous >>4842744 (OP) # 07/17/24(Wed)16:51:45 No.4842775 Shhh!!!! This is how all 4chan posters survive!

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Anon wants to fuck Don Draper | /r/Greentext

>Be me -Quit smoking -Goes well for a month -Start watching mad men -Began smoking again F--- you Don Draper 61 KB JPG
>Be me -Quit smoking -Goes well for a month -Start watching mad men -Began smoking again F--- you Don Draper 61 KB JPG

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Anon got friendzoned | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 507 KB PNG 04/03/21(Sat) 12:09:40 No.63034762 >19 >talking to girl who does onlyfans in my neighborhood >sucks d--- for money sometimes >wanna get my first b------ >we meet up >we smoke weed and talk for a bit >I start to pull out the money and she stops me >"You're just so nice Anon, I wanna be friends with you, so sucking your d--- feels wrong." i can't believe i got friendzoned by a prostitute what the f--- is wrong with me
: Anonymous 507 KB PNG 04/03/21(Sat) 12:09:40 No.63034762 >19 >talking to girl who does onlyfans in my neighborhood >sucks d--- for money sometimes >wanna get my first b------ >we meet up >we smoke weed and talk for a bit >I start to pull out the money and she stops me >"You're just so nice Anon, I wanna be friends with you, so sucking your d--- feels wrong." i can't believe i got friendzoned by a prostitute what the f--- is wrong with me

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It's in the small things | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 8/27/2024, 6:07:05 PM No.57002715 > be me > have an itchy buttcrack 68 KB PNG > fart > as the gas leaves it itches through my buttcrack feels good man
Anonymous 8/27/2024, 6:07:05 PM No.57002715 > be me > have an itchy buttcrack 68 KB PNG > fart > as the gas leaves it itches through my buttcrack feels good man

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Anon goes to Denny’s | /r/Greentext

Anonymous NEW! The After Melt Cookies NP Scream 08/27/24(Tue)16:54:59 No.20785376 >be me OREO >go to local Denny's Say It Three Times Slam Beetlejuicy BEETLEJUKE BEETLEJUICE x Denny's 428 KB JPG Burger B >look at menu >new Beetlejuice menu >must consoom >want the SAY IT THREE TIMES SLAM >40 yo waitress comes over >"what can I get ya?" >"SLAM! SLAM! SLAM!" >"Sir?" >"...Sorry...it, it, it?" >"Sir, excuse me?" >"Uhhh...the say it three times slam please." >*waitress groans* >mfw
Anonymous NEW! The After Melt Cookies NP Scream 08/27/24(Tue)16:54:59 No.20785376 >be me OREO >go to local Denny's Say It Three Times Slam Beetlejuicy BEETLEJUKE BEETLEJUICE x Denny's 428 KB JPG Burger B >look at menu >new Beetlejuice menu >must consoom >want the SAY IT THREE TIMES SLAM >40 yo waitress comes over >"what can I get ya?" >"SLAM! SLAM! SLAM!" >"Sir?" >"...Sorry...it, it, it?" >"Sir, excuse me?" >"Uhhh...the say it three times slam please." >*waitress groans* >mfw

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A not so stellar relationship | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Dr. Danielle 08/20/24(Tue) 09:17:22 No.202697691 Follow @danies394 They canceled The Acolyte because they couldn't stand the sight of two hot people of colour holding hands but I will always remember! Screenshot_20240820-080020.png 648 KB PNG >Spend millions on effects, sets, costumes >Turns out your vapid shallow audience just wants to see pretty people hold hands
: Anonymous Dr. Danielle 08/20/24(Tue) 09:17:22 No.202697691 Follow @danies394 They canceled The Acolyte because they couldn't stand the sight of two hot people of colour holding hands but I will always remember! Screenshot_20240820-080020.png 648 KB PNG >Spend millions on effects, sets, costumes >Turns out your vapid shallow audience just wants to see pretty people hold hands

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