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Mfw no free updoots | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Cakeday 43 KB JPG 08/03/18(Fri)22:26:50 No.47269649 >Be me, wake up early for work. >Checks phone* -reddit cakeday >excute hype.exe >Spend minutes on half quality shitposts >mfw no free upvotes
: Anonymous Cakeday 43 KB JPG 08/03/18(Fri)22:26:50 No.47269649 >Be me, wake up early for work. >Checks phone* -reddit cakeday >excute hype.exe >Spend minutes on half quality shitposts >mfw no free upvotes

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Anon discovers a loophole | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 15 KB JPG 01/20/23(Fri)15:31:29 No.71902123 >be me, man >identify as a female because gender is a social construct >j------- >once I'm done, identify as male again >god jerked off by a gril >mfw got a h------ See you later virgins
: Anonymous 15 KB JPG 01/20/23(Fri)15:31:29 No.71902123 >be me, man >identify as a female because gender is a social construct >j------- >once I'm done, identify as male again >god jerked off by a gril >mfw got a h------ See you later virgins

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Anon cuts the cheese | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 23 KB JPG 01/20/23(Fri)15:15:10 No.71901945 >Be me, school f-- >Active shooter alarm goes off. Oh s--- its finally happening. >The class start locking doors, turning off lights, etc... >We huddle in a corner in the dark.Some kids are crying >We listen in silence as someone down the hall is trying to jimmy open a door. Sudden urge to fart. >Try to hold it in >We hear gun shots and screams down the hall. Oh God the urge is getting worse. >Shooter tries to open our locked door and peeks inside door window. >Gives up. Turns to try another doo I let loose a massive wet fart. >Sounds like an engine backfiring. >Shooter realizes we're inside. >Breaks down door and kills us all. Mfw
: Anonymous 23 KB JPG 01/20/23(Fri)15:15:10 No.71901945 >Be me, school f-- >Active shooter alarm goes off. Oh s--- its finally happening. >The class start locking doors, turning off lights, etc... >We huddle in a corner in the dark.Some kids are crying >We listen in silence as someone down the hall is trying to jimmy open a door. Sudden urge to fart. >Try to hold it in >We hear gun shots and screams down the hall. Oh God the urge is getting worse. >Shooter tries to open our locked door and peeks inside door window. >Gives up. Turns to try another doo I let loose a massive wet fart. >Sounds like an engine backfiring. >Shooter realizes we're inside. >Breaks down door and kills us all. Mfw

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Anon orders a burrito like a normal human being | /r/Greentext

01/19/23(Thu)20:49:28 No.18831162 : Anonymous >Be me, just another day at work >decide to grab lunch at Chipotle >get in line, place my order >cashier starts making my burrito >he drops it on the floor >he starts making a new one >manager comes over and starts yelling at the cashier in front of everyone >I can't take it, I speak up >manager turns to me and starts yelling at me too >I snap, I can't take it anymore >I jump over the counter and start throwing punches >staff and customers scatter >cops arrive and haul me away >spend the night in jail >never going back to Chipotle again >tfw no more burritos for me >-1/10 service
01/19/23(Thu)20:49:28 No.18831162 : Anonymous >Be me, just another day at work >decide to grab lunch at Chipotle >get in line, place my order >cashier starts making my burrito >he drops it on the floor >he starts making a new one >manager comes over and starts yelling at the cashier in front of everyone >I can't take it, I speak up >manager turns to me and starts yelling at me too >I snap, I can't take it anymore >I jump over the counter and start throwing punches >staff and customers scatter >cops arrive and haul me away >spend the night in jail >never going back to Chipotle again >tfw no more burritos for me >-1/10 service

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anon hates game devs | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 6 KB JPG 01/20/23(Fri)11:51:14 No.624958094 >Game's community discovers a glitch >It's actually really fun and/or skillful >It adds mechanical depth that differentiates the game from its peers >It might even become a part of the game's identity >Developers patch it out because MUH ORIGINAL INTENTIONS
: Anonymous 6 KB JPG 01/20/23(Fri)11:51:14 No.624958094 >Game's community discovers a glitch >It's actually really fun and/or skillful >It adds mechanical depth that differentiates the game from its peers >It might even become a part of the game's identity >Developers patch it out because MUH ORIGINAL INTENTIONS

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Anon writes a based Harry Potter fanfic. | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 09/16/20(Wed)23:11:57 No.17059503 >>17059546 >>17059609 >>17059665 File: 1587894210677.jpg (103 KB, 733x486) >I consider myself a patient man, Harry. I overlooked that time you kept sneaking trans students polyjuice potion containing their own hair, making them turn back into their normal selves, despite the suicides. >I was even willing to turn a blind eye to you casting memory charms on post op hufflepuffs, because the look on their faces when you showed them a mirror was frankly hilarious, but this fine you've gone too far. >you have to understand that sectumsempra is dangerous magic, Harry, and I can't just let you go round telling Hufflepuffs that it's an instant transition spell if they point it at their crotch. >I hope you understand the gravity of this situation, and see why I'm only awarding you 42 points
Anonymous 09/16/20(Wed)23:11:57 No.17059503 >>17059546 >>17059609 >>17059665 File: 1587894210677.jpg (103 KB, 733x486) >I consider myself a patient man, Harry. I overlooked that time you kept sneaking trans students polyjuice potion containing their own hair, making them turn back into their normal selves, despite the suicides. >I was even willing to turn a blind eye to you casting memory charms on post op hufflepuffs, because the look on their faces when you showed them a mirror was frankly hilarious, but this fine you've gone too far. >you have to understand that sectumsempra is dangerous magic, Harry, and I can't just let you go round telling Hufflepuffs that it's an instant transition spell if they point it at their crotch. >I hope you understand the gravity of this situation, and see why I'm only awarding you 42 points

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Anon is an NPC.. | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 27 KB PNG 09/17/18(Mon)06:17:35 No.48178708 3 Replies / 1 Image >no friends >no real hobbies >no special talents >no gf >meaningless, unfulfilling job I hate >don't believe in anything >observe other people living life, rather than actually experiencing it for myself Am I an NPC? View Thread
Anonymous 27 KB PNG 09/17/18(Mon)06:17:35 No.48178708 3 Replies / 1 Image >no friends >no real hobbies >no special talents >no gf >meaningless, unfulfilling job I hate >don't believe in anything >observe other people living life, rather than actually experiencing it for myself Am I an NPC? View Thread

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Average Hollywood Celeb | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: toj0wv2z) Mysteriously wealthy Atlanta gay couple who were charged with sodomizing their adopted sons also 'offered them up to local men and sent out videos of them r----- the boys' By Jennifer Smith, Chief Reporter For Dailymail.Com 13:34 20 Jan 2023, updated 14:31 20 Jan 2023 Zulock 2009 01/20/23(Fri)09:18:04 No.412920758 Zuleck DOIS Zulack 2009 98 Replies / 12 Images Zulock 2009 ARRESTED CON COUNTY SHERIFF'S OFFI Number: 802054 BEBAEBC1-C650-4A1A-BC63-9CDF250C9B26.jpg 239 KB JPG >rich gay couple adopts boys to r--- and sells them to other rich clients Just how big is the p--- network? View Thread
Anonymous (ID: toj0wv2z) Mysteriously wealthy Atlanta gay couple who were charged with sodomizing their adopted sons also 'offered them up to local men and sent out videos of them r----- the boys' By Jennifer Smith, Chief Reporter For Dailymail.Com 13:34 20 Jan 2023, updated 14:31 20 Jan 2023 Zulock 2009 01/20/23(Fri)09:18:04 No.412920758 Zuleck DOIS Zulack 2009 98 Replies / 12 Images Zulock 2009 ARRESTED CON COUNTY SHERIFF'S OFFI Number: 802054 BEBAEBC1-C650-4A1A-BC63-9CDF250C9B26.jpg 239 KB JPG >rich gay couple adopts boys to r--- and sells them to other rich clients Just how big is the p--- network? View Thread

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Anon cures gay | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 01/20/23(Fri)07:45:12 No.892956449 139 KB JPG Shock therapy does not work you dumbasses, there is a better way >hook up with a gay >just as he inserts his gay penis in you, say "no h---" >it's not gay if you say no h--- >suddenly he's having straight sex >you tricked him into becoming straight I've converted 80 such men already
Anonymous 01/20/23(Fri)07:45:12 No.892956449 139 KB JPG Shock therapy does not work you dumbasses, there is a better way >hook up with a gay >just as he inserts his gay penis in you, say "no h---" >it's not gay if you say no h--- >suddenly he's having straight sex >you tricked him into becoming straight I've converted 80 such men already

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It's the little things fellas | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous O 101 KB PNG 08/02/21 (Mon)21:38:17 No.388 >Moo at a cow >It moos back We are friends
: Anonymous O 101 KB PNG 08/02/21 (Mon)21:38:17 No.388 >Moo at a cow >It moos back We are friends

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Anon experienced double standards | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous >>67585702 OP here. This is the second story 02/26/22(Sat)17:25:33 No.67586101 >be me >on tinder >match with girl >6/10 >eh, free p---- >go over to her place >blood all over the door >ask why there's blood >"let me show you the basement" >go downstairs >there's just a drain in the middle of the room >gtfo as fast as possible i was next bros. reported it to the police and they did nothing
: Anonymous >>67585702 OP here. This is the second story 02/26/22(Sat)17:25:33 No.67586101 >be me >on tinder >match with girl >6/10 >eh, free p---- >go over to her place >blood all over the door >ask why there's blood >"let me show you the basement" >go downstairs >there's just a drain in the middle of the room >gtfo as fast as possible i was next bros. reported it to the police and they did nothing

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anon discusses mental health on 4chan | /r/Greentext

Anonymous >tfw extremely low self esteem >tfw never want to do anything or interact with people because I'm afraid they will hate me >make comment on youtube >someone replies with something mean >instantly delete comment >uploaded a bunch of videos on youtube a while back but deleted them all >people started sending me messages asking what happened >delete the account >delete all my social media accounts and make news ones >use to draw, stopped drawing for fear that my art was s--- 153 KB PNG >never actually think any of my art is good and too afraid to ask people for their objective opinion >afraid I'm ugly and that people are just too afraid to tell me >never post anything of myself online >constantly extremely depressed and lurk 4chan for any kind of social interaction because if someone says something mean I can just leave the thread >even then I hardly ever post and lurk for years sometimes without ever posting or contributing to a thread 01/19/23(Thu)19:22:10 No.892939280 >even after creating this thread I will just close my browser and listen to music and try not to think about my life 3 Replies Anonymous >>892939280 (OP) # stupid retard >KAWAO 01/19/23(Thu)19:24:25 No.892939382 Anonymous View Thread : Anonymous you should probably just kill yourself 01/19/23(Thu)19:24:41 No.892939393 01/19/23(Thu)19:33:13 No.892939721 Social media is bad for your mental well being. May I suggest finding a sugar mommy to give you money and sex?
Anonymous >tfw extremely low self esteem >tfw never want to do anything or interact with people because I'm afraid they will hate me >make comment on youtube >someone replies with something mean >instantly delete comment >uploaded a bunch of videos on youtube a while back but deleted them all >people started sending me messages asking what happened >delete the account >delete all my social media accounts and make news ones >use to draw, stopped drawing for fear that my art was s--- 153 KB PNG >never actually think any of my art is good and too afraid to ask people for their objective opinion >afraid I'm ugly and that people are just too afraid to tell me >never post anything of myself online >constantly extremely depressed and lurk 4chan for any kind of social interaction because if someone says something mean I can just leave the thread >even then I hardly ever post and lurk for years sometimes without ever posting or contributing to a thread 01/19/23(Thu)19:22:10 No.892939280 >even after creating this thread I will just close my browser and listen to music and try not to think about my life 3 Replies Anonymous >>892939280 (OP) # stupid retard >KAWAO 01/19/23(Thu)19:24:25 No.892939382 Anonymous View Thread : Anonymous you should probably just kill yourself 01/19/23(Thu)19:24:41 No.892939393 01/19/23(Thu)19:33:13 No.892939721 Social media is bad for your mental well being. May I suggest finding a sugar mommy to give you money and sex?

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Anon works at a snack bar | /r/Greentext

conguitos CHOCOLATE CACAHUETE 90ge Anonymous 03/03/22(Thu)18:32:08 No.49830483 ► >>49830489 >>49830501 >>49830526 >>49830548 >>49832235 ≥ Will there be a Conguitos based Pokémon? >> Anonymous 03/03/22(Thu)18:41:05 No.49830578 Anonymous 03/03/22(Thu) 18:42:12 No.49830587 >me working at snack bar in Madrid airport >diplomat-looking African guy comes >>49830690 >he asks in heavily African-accented English "what is the best Spanish snack?" >without even thinking, i give him some Conguitos, which are honestly delicious and my favorite snack >I say "Conguitos very good" >black guys stares at the Conguitos, then at me, then at the Conguitos. >looks honestly at a loss of words for 5 long seconds >pays and leaves with his Conguitos I really think he liked them
conguitos CHOCOLATE CACAHUETE 90ge Anonymous 03/03/22(Thu)18:32:08 No.49830483 ► >>49830489 >>49830501 >>49830526 >>49830548 >>49832235 ≥ Will there be a Conguitos based Pokémon? >> Anonymous 03/03/22(Thu)18:41:05 No.49830578 Anonymous 03/03/22(Thu) 18:42:12 No.49830587 >me working at snack bar in Madrid airport >diplomat-looking African guy comes >>49830690 >he asks in heavily African-accented English "what is the best Spanish snack?" >without even thinking, i give him some Conguitos, which are honestly delicious and my favorite snack >I say "Conguitos very good" >black guys stares at the Conguitos, then at me, then at the Conguitos. >looks honestly at a loss of words for 5 long seconds >pays and leaves with his Conguitos I really think he liked them

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Anon introduces cousin to fallout | /r/Greentext

Anonymous pepe approves 52 KB JPG 01/20/23(Fri)09:28:11 No.892961679 >11 y/o cousin is staying with us for a week >he plays on his switch constantly >offer to play Mario kart or smash with him >"sorry but I'm bored of all my games" >pull out my Xbox 360, fire up fallout 3 >walk him through the first few missions >he gets the hang of it >fast forward until the day before he leaves >playing on my pc, hear familiar music from the back yard >cousin is playing Butcher Pete from my mother's iPhone, which is strapped to his arm with rubber bands >he's shooting stuff in the yard, but acting like he's in slow motion >realize he's pretending to have a pip-boy and shooting stuff in vats >mfw
Anonymous pepe approves 52 KB JPG 01/20/23(Fri)09:28:11 No.892961679 >11 y/o cousin is staying with us for a week >he plays on his switch constantly >offer to play Mario kart or smash with him >"sorry but I'm bored of all my games" >pull out my Xbox 360, fire up fallout 3 >walk him through the first few missions >he gets the hang of it >fast forward until the day before he leaves >playing on my pc, hear familiar music from the back yard >cousin is playing Butcher Pete from my mother's iPhone, which is strapped to his arm with rubber bands >he's shooting stuff in the yard, but acting like he's in slow motion >realize he's pretending to have a pip-boy and shooting stuff in vats >mfw

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anon narrowly dodges expulsion | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous How My Creepypasta Phase Ruine(...) 201 KB PNG 01/20/23(Fri)06:31:01 No.892944453 >Be 7th grade >Went to ghetto school >Not a crispy c--- so I didn't act like everyone else >Had friends that behaved the same >One got bullied >Baboons called him Fish >Fish was a full blown weeb >REALLY into Bleach >Thought Hollows were real >Had a journal he used to draw in >Rumors of a list on names inside of it started >Real school shooter type s--- >Spooked the spooks >Fish stopped getting bullied >Other friend and I roll with it >Nigs stopped nigging so I'm not complaining >I was really into Creepypasta as most preteen f------ were >Start openly discussing it to add weight to rumors >Start abusing power (taking best lunch, getting first dibs on computers, etc.) >They're actually afraid of us >Feels good >This goes on for almost whole year >Get to spring break without problems >Gets called to principal's >Other friends are there >F--- >Principal asks about the journal >Fish goes into the entire lore of Bleach >I make things worse by quoting The Silence from Dr Who >Other friend s---- himself in silence >Parents are called >Meets are had >Issue gets handled surprisingly quick >Everyone kind of forgets about it >Jigs remain afraid >Mfw I narrowly dodged expulsion
: Anonymous How My Creepypasta Phase Ruine(...) 201 KB PNG 01/20/23(Fri)06:31:01 No.892944453 >Be 7th grade >Went to ghetto school >Not a crispy c--- so I didn't act like everyone else >Had friends that behaved the same >One got bullied >Baboons called him Fish >Fish was a full blown weeb >REALLY into Bleach >Thought Hollows were real >Had a journal he used to draw in >Rumors of a list on names inside of it started >Real school shooter type s--- >Spooked the spooks >Fish stopped getting bullied >Other friend and I roll with it >Nigs stopped nigging so I'm not complaining >I was really into Creepypasta as most preteen f------ were >Start openly discussing it to add weight to rumors >Start abusing power (taking best lunch, getting first dibs on computers, etc.) >They're actually afraid of us >Feels good >This goes on for almost whole year >Get to spring break without problems >Gets called to principal's >Other friends are there >F--- >Principal asks about the journal >Fish goes into the entire lore of Bleach >I make things worse by quoting The Silence from Dr Who >Other friend s---- himself in silence >Parents are called >Meets are had >Issue gets handled surprisingly quick >Everyone kind of forgets about it >Jigs remain afraid >Mfw I narrowly dodged expulsion

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Boomer Stacy | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 0 minutes ago 71896984 >talk with boomer about thing >boomer gives long rant her son's schooling >I try to talk about my situation in same thing and how certain things work in country school authority and how certain things are f----- up >"no that's not how it works" >try to explain further >"no I'm tired end of discussion" very satisfying conversation
Anonymous 0 minutes ago 71896984 >talk with boomer about thing >boomer gives long rant her son's schooling >I try to talk about my situation in same thing and how certain things work in country school authority and how certain things are f----- up >"no that's not how it works" >try to explain further >"no I'm tired end of discussion" very satisfying conversation

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Linguini a la carte | /r/Greentext

File: linguini.png (333 KB, 610x342) □ Anonymous 01/19/23(Thu)22:02:29 No.892945718 ► Linguini for one please gettyimages andrest
File: linguini.png (333 KB, 610x342) □ Anonymous 01/19/23(Thu)22:02:29 No.892945718 ► Linguini for one please gettyimages andrest

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African scramble | /r/Greentext

05/17/22(Tue)05:08:02 No.68661398 >Be African and talking with black American over the internet >He gets angry when i say i couldn't care less about racism in america since i don't live there It's like he expected me to connect because we had the same skin color. I don't empathise with Americans no matter their race. : Anonymous 32 KB JPG
05/17/22(Tue)05:08:02 No.68661398 >Be African and talking with black American over the internet >He gets angry when i say i couldn't care less about racism in america since i don't live there It's like he expected me to connect because we had the same skin color. I don't empathise with Americans no matter their race. : Anonymous 32 KB JPG

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A not so /g/entleman | /r/Greentext

Anonymous Anti-Virus Kaspersky WIB KASPERSKYS Kaspersky Anti-Virus S 134 KB JPG 03/22/19(Fri)10:22:46 No.70257524 Explain antiviruses to me as if I was a 45 year old housewife. 03/22/19(Fri)10:23:41 No.70257528 Anonymous >>70257524 (OP) # May I speak to your husband? >>70257565 # >>70257576 # >>70257725 # >>70258131 # >>70258718 # >>70258766 # >>70259159 # >>70259190 # >>70259302 # >>70259591 # >>70259848 # >>70259986 # >>70260074 # >>70260275 #
Anonymous Anti-Virus Kaspersky WIB KASPERSKYS Kaspersky Anti-Virus S 134 KB JPG 03/22/19(Fri)10:22:46 No.70257524 Explain antiviruses to me as if I was a 45 year old housewife. 03/22/19(Fri)10:23:41 No.70257528 Anonymous >>70257524 (OP) # May I speak to your husband? >>70257565 # >>70257576 # >>70257725 # >>70258131 # >>70258718 # >>70258766 # >>70259159 # >>70259190 # >>70259302 # >>70259591 # >>70259848 # >>70259986 # >>70260074 # >>70260275 #

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Anon plays Valorant. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Fembot dating stories 01/20/23(Fri) 10:37:32 No.71893413 >be me >19 year old femanon NEET >dangerously socially retarded >do nothing but play vidya and watch anime >meet guy on Valorant during quarantine 95 KB PNG >actually really charismatic and funny >start playing together daily >daily vidya turns into daily messages >messages start getting more and more lewd >most his lewd messages almost always mention his 8 inch c--- >he eventually asks me to send nudes >fuckthatshit.jpg >he becomes more and more persistent >keep telling him I'm not comfortable with it >he keeps persisting >finally agree to send him my nudes if he sends me his >he is reluctant but eventually agrees >sends d--- pic >3 inch veiny mushroom >can't look at it without out instantly thinking of toad from mario >feel misled and manipulated >refuse to send my nudes because he lied to me >he starts babyraging at me and tells me not to contact him again >feel really depressed and stupid for thinking he actually liked me for who I am as a person >weeks go by >get a message from him out of nowhere >"kill yourself you dumb f------ slut" >feel rage come over me, start to see red >post his 3 incher on his facebook wall along with the toxic message he sent me so his friends and family can see what a big man he really is >a girl responds with the "cry-laugh" emoji >realize the girl has the same last name as him >nearly choke on my laughter >later that night >get a message from that girl >turns out it was his sister, she apologizes for his behavior >months go by >me and his sister are still friends >apparently he has become reclusive and depressed >can't help but feel guilty even though he brought it on himself
: Anonymous Fembot dating stories 01/20/23(Fri) 10:37:32 No.71893413 >be me >19 year old femanon NEET >dangerously socially retarded >do nothing but play vidya and watch anime >meet guy on Valorant during quarantine 95 KB PNG >actually really charismatic and funny >start playing together daily >daily vidya turns into daily messages >messages start getting more and more lewd >most his lewd messages almost always mention his 8 inch c--- >he eventually asks me to send nudes >fuckthatshit.jpg >he becomes more and more persistent >keep telling him I'm not comfortable with it >he keeps persisting >finally agree to send him my nudes if he sends me his >he is reluctant but eventually agrees >sends d--- pic >3 inch veiny mushroom >can't look at it without out instantly thinking of toad from mario >feel misled and manipulated >refuse to send my nudes because he lied to me >he starts babyraging at me and tells me not to contact him again >feel really depressed and stupid for thinking he actually liked me for who I am as a person >weeks go by >get a message from him out of nowhere >"kill yourself you dumb f------ slut" >feel rage come over me, start to see red >post his 3 incher on his facebook wall along with the toxic message he sent me so his friends and family can see what a big man he really is >a girl responds with the "cry-laugh" emoji >realize the girl has the same last name as him >nearly choke on my laughter >later that night >get a message from that girl >turns out it was his sister, she apologizes for his behavior >months go by >me and his sister are still friends >apparently he has become reclusive and depressed >can't help but feel guilty even though he brought it on himself

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