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Redtext.exe | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous I think I found a way to stop (...) 607 KB GIF 7 Replies 12/13/19(Fri)21:28:25 No.55788691 <be me <shitposting on 4chan <use redtext <not green <the normies can't put it on r/greentext <mfw View Thread
: Anonymous I think I found a way to stop (...) 607 KB GIF 7 Replies 12/13/19(Fri)21:28:25 No.55788691 <be me <shitposting on 4chan <use redtext <not green <the normies can't put it on r/greentext <mfw View Thread

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Anon gets a mentor | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 04/10/23(Mon)03:37:49 No.72894992 >be me virgin dont know how to sex a girl i liked >get really high >genous idea >download grindr >i was 18 and a twinky >go to some chads house >explain the situation to him >he says ok if i suck him off >soundsgoodtome.mp3 >ends up watching a movie and cuddling with me >stop feeling uncomfortable and loosen up >feel him get hard >he compliments me and pulls me in to make out >anyways i ended up sucking him off and he f----- me >actually lectured me that if i dont put a condom on she wont sleep with me (because i asked why we needed a condom) >didnt c-- but it felt good >walk into to work the next day feeling great im on cloud 9 >get home and call this girl over >literal copy all of chadfags moves >have sex with a girl >tell chadfag and thank him >end up sucking his d--- again >never taken another c--- again > but let me tell you something, picking the biggest chad you can find to f--- you & copying worked I even copy his kissing style, honestly I'm probably like 5% gay because i actually really enjoyed the whole getting f----- thing, I just like women 95% more
Anonymous 04/10/23(Mon)03:37:49 No.72894992 >be me virgin dont know how to sex a girl i liked >get really high >genous idea >download grindr >i was 18 and a twinky >go to some chads house >explain the situation to him >he says ok if i suck him off >soundsgoodtome.mp3 >ends up watching a movie and cuddling with me >stop feeling uncomfortable and loosen up >feel him get hard >he compliments me and pulls me in to make out >anyways i ended up sucking him off and he f----- me >actually lectured me that if i dont put a condom on she wont sleep with me (because i asked why we needed a condom) >didnt c-- but it felt good >walk into to work the next day feeling great im on cloud 9 >get home and call this girl over >literal copy all of chadfags moves >have sex with a girl >tell chadfag and thank him >end up sucking his d--- again >never taken another c--- again > but let me tell you something, picking the biggest chad you can find to f--- you & copying worked I even copy his kissing style, honestly I'm probably like 5% gay because i actually really enjoyed the whole getting f----- thing, I just like women 95% more

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Anon goes to McDonalds | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous McDonalds Stories 07/12/18(Thu)08:30:26 No.46738114 m 41 KB PNG >walk drunkenly to mcdonalds >put my order in at the kiosk >local hobos meandering around and talking to themselves >one shirtless black dude angrily making noises to everyone there >looks me in the eye and says some more non-language noises >i look him in the eyes and give him a head nod >he nods back >drops the angry yelling and just eats >sits across the restaurant from me but keeps nodding whenever we make eye contact >buy him a quarter pounder as i leave >he gives me a nod hope i see my mcbro again 74 Replies/13 Images View Thread
: Anonymous McDonalds Stories 07/12/18(Thu)08:30:26 No.46738114 m 41 KB PNG >walk drunkenly to mcdonalds >put my order in at the kiosk >local hobos meandering around and talking to themselves >one shirtless black dude angrily making noises to everyone there >looks me in the eye and says some more non-language noises >i look him in the eyes and give him a head nod >he nods back >drops the angry yelling and just eats >sits across the restaurant from me but keeps nodding whenever we make eye contact >buy him a quarter pounder as i leave >he gives me a nod hope i see my mcbro again 74 Replies/13 Images View Thread

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Anon loses his friend | /r/Greentext

> be me, in early 20s at the start of the pandemic > 5 yr relationship ends right before lockdown > f------ autistic and realize I don't have any friends outside of my ex, doesn't even matter that I can't go outside > on top of that find out mom is sick and only has months to live 136 KB JPG > spend all day asleep and all night crying > parents are concerned about me, so I tell them I'm talking to online friends and make up a group of people so they don't have to worry > pretend I'm on the phone laughing every time they walk by my room, can't see their hearts broken anymore > start hanging out in discord servers and playing online games to kill boredom > keep presence pretty anon, realize I can be more myself because no one knows who tf I am > my sleep schedule is still f----- so I mostly play with people in other time zones > meet one dude who doesn't care that I'm socially inept > let's me rant about s--- and send him dumbass memes > find out his mom is also sick and he just went through a breakup, have good late night talks about s--- > first good friend I've made in a long time > no longer have to pretend to talk to people, we talk almost every night >ffw 2 years > things open back up, moms doing better, have a new relationship > still talk to bro but we're both pretty busy with life and he lives several time zones away > always say we'll meet up and chill one day > ffw to last week > it's been 2 months since I last talked to him > he checks in with me, asks how I am > tell him I'm good, catch up for a bit, ask him how he is >he says "I'm just taking things day by day anon" > convo drops off, move on with my day, think nothing of it >ffw to this week I found out he killed himself.
> be me, in early 20s at the start of the pandemic > 5 yr relationship ends right before lockdown > f------ autistic and realize I don't have any friends outside of my ex, doesn't even matter that I can't go outside > on top of that find out mom is sick and only has months to live 136 KB JPG > spend all day asleep and all night crying > parents are concerned about me, so I tell them I'm talking to online friends and make up a group of people so they don't have to worry > pretend I'm on the phone laughing every time they walk by my room, can't see their hearts broken anymore > start hanging out in discord servers and playing online games to kill boredom > keep presence pretty anon, realize I can be more myself because no one knows who tf I am > my sleep schedule is still f----- so I mostly play with people in other time zones > meet one dude who doesn't care that I'm socially inept > let's me rant about s--- and send him dumbass memes > find out his mom is also sick and he just went through a breakup, have good late night talks about s--- > first good friend I've made in a long time > no longer have to pretend to talk to people, we talk almost every night >ffw 2 years > things open back up, moms doing better, have a new relationship > still talk to bro but we're both pretty busy with life and he lives several time zones away > always say we'll meet up and chill one day > ffw to last week > it's been 2 months since I last talked to him > he checks in with me, asks how I am > tell him I'm good, catch up for a bit, ask him how he is >he says "I'm just taking things day by day anon" > convo drops off, move on with my day, think nothing of it >ffw to this week I found out he killed himself.

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More licenses | /r/Greentext

47 KB JPG Typical everyday average British morning: >wake up >bobby knocks on door >"oi! open up you cheeky bastard and show me your sleeping licence!" >fumble around and finally find my licence >"s-sorry good sir. It's right here... God save the Queen." >bobby peers in and catches a glimpse of me telly >"halt! where's your TV licence you c---?!" >"draw TV licence from me wallet" >bobby gives a look like the bloody Queen's dodger >"oi mate! where's your permit for this licence?" >show him my licence permit >"this licence permit is expired. I'm taking you in!" >bobby draws his toy gun >stab him with my unregistered butterknife
47 KB JPG Typical everyday average British morning: >wake up >bobby knocks on door >"oi! open up you cheeky bastard and show me your sleeping licence!" >fumble around and finally find my licence >"s-sorry good sir. It's right here... God save the Queen." >bobby peers in and catches a glimpse of me telly >"halt! where's your TV licence you c---?!" >"draw TV licence from me wallet" >bobby gives a look like the bloody Queen's dodger >"oi mate! where's your permit for this licence?" >show him my licence permit >"this licence permit is expired. I'm taking you in!" >bobby draws his toy gun >stab him with my unregistered butterknife

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Anon makes a big mistake | /r/Greentext

19 KB PNG >be me >10 yo >Sit on a chair I know is unbalanced >Watch tv >Chair frong legs gets broken >Smacked to floor >Your right hand got smashed to floor and chair fell on top of it >You see bone shaped thing in finger >Panic >Run like an Autistic >Cover 4 rooms in blood >Mom takes to hospital >Doctor asks how I did it >I dont want to tell them I was a dumbass and sat on an unbalanced chair >Tell them I got angry and punched a wall >Now everybody thinks I am retarded
19 KB PNG >be me >10 yo >Sit on a chair I know is unbalanced >Watch tv >Chair frong legs gets broken >Smacked to floor >Your right hand got smashed to floor and chair fell on top of it >You see bone shaped thing in finger >Panic >Run like an Autistic >Cover 4 rooms in blood >Mom takes to hospital >Doctor asks how I did it >I dont want to tell them I was a dumbass and sat on an unbalanced chair >Tell them I got angry and punched a wall >Now everybody thinks I am retarded

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Anon regrets his past actions | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous I really f----- up bad guys 194 KB JPG 04/09/23(Sun)23:23:34 No.72889090 >be me >unattractive antisocial manlet in highschool (no chance of getting girls ever) >by some miracle girl ends up liking me >never expected this would happen, dont know how to react >dont get that this is probably my only chance with a girl ever >be constantly very rude to her >punch her in the face when she tries to kiss me >reject her >she never speaks to me again its been years and I still think about this. Im completely alone with no friends now, and it sucks to think I could have had a girlfriend, but now the way the dating market has evolved I aint got a chance
: Anonymous I really f----- up bad guys 194 KB JPG 04/09/23(Sun)23:23:34 No.72889090 >be me >unattractive antisocial manlet in highschool (no chance of getting girls ever) >by some miracle girl ends up liking me >never expected this would happen, dont know how to react >dont get that this is probably my only chance with a girl ever >be constantly very rude to her >punch her in the face when she tries to kiss me >reject her >she never speaks to me again its been years and I still think about this. Im completely alone with no friends now, and it sucks to think I could have had a girlfriend, but now the way the dating market has evolved I aint got a chance

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Anon asks tough questions | /r/Greentext

1680486603682916.jpg 90 KB JPG >your wife getting f----- by 15 men in front of you is considered cuckoldry >marrying a roastie who f----- 15 men in the past is not cuckoldry. >It's OK because she was exploring herself Genuine question, what is the difference? Your wife got f----- by other, n----- men. You are a cuck either way.
1680486603682916.jpg 90 KB JPG >your wife getting f----- by 15 men in front of you is considered cuckoldry >marrying a roastie who f----- 15 men in the past is not cuckoldry. >It's OK because she was exploring herself Genuine question, what is the difference? Your wife got f----- by other, n----- men. You are a cuck either way.

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Anon likes someone and that has consequences | /r/Greentext

Anonymous Why God? 6 KB JPG 04/10/23 (Mon)08:01:44 No.72893872 >Girl at work who I have been one sidedly been crushing over for the past 2 and a half years just hung herself at the janitor's closet at our office because she was rejected by the guy she had a crush on, which was a cousin of mine. >My cousin rejected her because he knew I liked her so he did it for my sake Her eulogy happened a couple hours ago and I just got back home and started writing this. I am in a state of complete numbness right now bros. Is it my fault? Why did this need to happen? I have yet to cry about this, I just can't process so much happened in the span of 8 hours.
Anonymous Why God? 6 KB JPG 04/10/23 (Mon)08:01:44 No.72893872 >Girl at work who I have been one sidedly been crushing over for the past 2 and a half years just hung herself at the janitor's closet at our office because she was rejected by the guy she had a crush on, which was a cousin of mine. >My cousin rejected her because he knew I liked her so he did it for my sake Her eulogy happened a couple hours ago and I just got back home and started writing this. I am in a state of complete numbness right now bros. Is it my fault? Why did this need to happen? I have yet to cry about this, I just can't process so much happened in the span of 8 hours.

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Anons aren’t gunna make it | /r/Greentext

File: akakooni-5ljvb-a104d1-949(...).jpg (78 KB, 620x850) voleyball penties only.com/s/534 O Anonymous 04/09/23(Sun)11:48:23 No.72885447 [Reply] >>72885559 >>72885751 >>72886133 AAAAAAAUUUUGH Imagine the smell RIGHT THERE IN HER TAINT. Anonymous 04/09/23(Sun)12:22:08 No.72885751 >>72885447 (OP) # I don't have to imagine. I live in the cleanest part of India AAAAAA O Anonymous 04/09/23(Sun)12:00:49 No.72885559 O Anonymous 04/09/23(Sun)13:02:50 No.72886133 >>72885447 (OP) # SSNIIIIIIIFFFFFFF AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAA >>72885447 (OP) # I don't have to imagine, I'm on the toilet right now taking a particularly rancid s---. AAAAAA (coom AAAA
File: akakooni-5ljvb-a104d1-949(...).jpg (78 KB, 620x850) voleyball penties only.com/s/534 O Anonymous 04/09/23(Sun)11:48:23 No.72885447 [Reply] >>72885559 >>72885751 >>72886133 AAAAAAAUUUUGH Imagine the smell RIGHT THERE IN HER TAINT. Anonymous 04/09/23(Sun)12:22:08 No.72885751 >>72885447 (OP) # I don't have to imagine. I live in the cleanest part of India AAAAAA O Anonymous 04/09/23(Sun)12:00:49 No.72885559 O Anonymous 04/09/23(Sun)13:02:50 No.72886133 >>72885447 (OP) # SSNIIIIIIIFFFFFFF AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAA >>72885447 (OP) # I don't have to imagine, I'm on the toilet right now taking a particularly rancid s---. AAAAAA (coom AAAA

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Anon can’t stay sober | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 7 KB JPG 04/10/23 (Mon)06:33:41 No.72893195 >Be me >Unemployed for 3 months >Finally land a job at Spectrum >wants me to do a drug test within 48 hours of accepting my offer letter >Im a hard core smoker for the last 3 months to help with stress >Tomorrow is the drug test bros I smoked like 4 days ago with a dab pen and im hella stressed I need this job Ive been drinking water like a fish is there anyway I can pass this test?
: Anonymous 7 KB JPG 04/10/23 (Mon)06:33:41 No.72893195 >Be me >Unemployed for 3 months >Finally land a job at Spectrum >wants me to do a drug test within 48 hours of accepting my offer letter >Im a hard core smoker for the last 3 months to help with stress >Tomorrow is the drug test bros I smoked like 4 days ago with a dab pen and im hella stressed I need this job Ive been drinking water like a fish is there anyway I can pass this test?

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Anon's gf was a virgin until he did her | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Getting a girlfriend made me m(...) 03/19/23(Sun)16:02:50 No.72628359 97 KB JPG >be me, KHHV with 25 >finally find first gf, she is 21 >start dating, take her virginity, everything is fantastic >find out she was not kissless before me >she tells me she tried to get with two guys, who made out with her, but swiftly dumped her as they already had gfs >she describes them, they both sound like Turbochads. First was a prettyboy, the second a muscular sports jock type >she even says they had nothing in common with her personality wise, but were beautiful So the sole reason she remained a virgin before 22 is she was Chadchasing and never gave average guys a chance. Thing is, she is like a 6/10 according to soc. She got ratings between 6 and 7.5, never above or below. So she is somewhat cute, but out of Chads league and its logical they didnt ris their gfs (probably Stacies) for her. Nonetheless, Chad only. Chadchadchadchadchadchad, even if he already has a gf. Kind of disgusting.
: Anonymous Getting a girlfriend made me m(...) 03/19/23(Sun)16:02:50 No.72628359 97 KB JPG >be me, KHHV with 25 >finally find first gf, she is 21 >start dating, take her virginity, everything is fantastic >find out she was not kissless before me >she tells me she tried to get with two guys, who made out with her, but swiftly dumped her as they already had gfs >she describes them, they both sound like Turbochads. First was a prettyboy, the second a muscular sports jock type >she even says they had nothing in common with her personality wise, but were beautiful So the sole reason she remained a virgin before 22 is she was Chadchasing and never gave average guys a chance. Thing is, she is like a 6/10 according to soc. She got ratings between 6 and 7.5, never above or below. So she is somewhat cute, but out of Chads league and its logical they didnt ris their gfs (probably Stacies) for her. Nonetheless, Chad only. Chadchadchadchadchadchad, even if he already has a gf. Kind of disgusting.

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Anon cleared the medical assessment | /r/Greentext

149 KB PNG > be me > mentor recently died, I therefore inherited his status as doctor > 7th century idk > walk past the farms on my way to the castle > see a family of peasants waiting for me > male is sick, has a big fleshy orb on his back > *notices buldge* ō>ō what's this? > "please cure my husband, he's become ill" > no clue w-- he has > sure.carvedstone > poke with doctors stick > buldge bursts > whitish cream bursts everywhere > looks like spider blood > smells like spider blood > tastes like spider blood > declare farmer possessed by spider > burned alive at the stake > king pays me godly for preventing spider disease from spreading > feelsgoodman
149 KB PNG > be me > mentor recently died, I therefore inherited his status as doctor > 7th century idk > walk past the farms on my way to the castle > see a family of peasants waiting for me > male is sick, has a big fleshy orb on his back > *notices buldge* ō>ō what's this? > "please cure my husband, he's become ill" > no clue w-- he has > sure.carvedstone > poke with doctors stick > buldge bursts > whitish cream bursts everywhere > looks like spider blood > smells like spider blood > tastes like spider blood > declare farmer possessed by spider > burned alive at the stake > king pays me godly for preventing spider disease from spreading > feelsgoodman

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Anon isn't gay | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 29 KB JPG 04/09/23(Sun)17:49:13 No.72889451 >be me >straight male >working some s----end office job >have few friends but mostly stay quiet and keep to myself >be last week >walk into building >people start congratulating me telling me they didnt know and how brave i was for comming out >confused, ask them what they are talking about >they were told i came out as gay and someone spread that around >ask where they heard that from >they give a name, find the person, they tell me they heard it from someone else, go find that person >this goes on for around 6 people >finally find the one who spread the rumor >some random lady from another department >ask her why she spread the rumor, said she legitimately thought i was gay >ask her what made her think i was gay >it was not because of my clothes, not my mannerisms, but because i had a "fat ass" and i "walk like a gay man" >ask her how i was supposed to control that, she tells me to chill and that it was all a joke >actually p----- at her, ask her how she would feel if someone called her lesbian because she had small t--- >she does not like that one bit >goes absolutely ape-s--- on me, threatens to call HR >goes to manager and says i was sexually harassing her by assuming her sexuality and talking about her t--- : Anonymous >think my job is over >some colleagues tell manager she started the rumor first >manager done with this s---, tells us to not talk to each other and break away >mfw half the office still thinks im gay i f------ hate this job why cant people just leave me alone 04/09/23(Sun)17:55:58 No.72889527
Anonymous 29 KB JPG 04/09/23(Sun)17:49:13 No.72889451 >be me >straight male >working some s----end office job >have few friends but mostly stay quiet and keep to myself >be last week >walk into building >people start congratulating me telling me they didnt know and how brave i was for comming out >confused, ask them what they are talking about >they were told i came out as gay and someone spread that around >ask where they heard that from >they give a name, find the person, they tell me they heard it from someone else, go find that person >this goes on for around 6 people >finally find the one who spread the rumor >some random lady from another department >ask her why she spread the rumor, said she legitimately thought i was gay >ask her what made her think i was gay >it was not because of my clothes, not my mannerisms, but because i had a "fat ass" and i "walk like a gay man" >ask her how i was supposed to control that, she tells me to chill and that it was all a joke >actually p----- at her, ask her how she would feel if someone called her lesbian because she had small t--- >she does not like that one bit >goes absolutely ape-s--- on me, threatens to call HR >goes to manager and says i was sexually harassing her by assuming her sexuality and talking about her t--- : Anonymous >think my job is over >some colleagues tell manager she started the rumor first >manager done with this s---, tells us to not talk to each other and break away >mfw half the office still thinks im gay i f------ hate this job why cant people just leave me alone 04/09/23(Sun)17:55:58 No.72889527

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Anon fedposts in school | /r/Greentext

NewAgeldiot2 [Report] Image search: [Google] 2017-04-20 05:45:30 Post No. 36420259 >Be me >15 >Bored in English >Have twitter account "@Real RacistSnake" >We have just begun the Romeo and 292KB, 480x466px Juliet unit >It's the part where Samson and Gregory are talking about r----- the Montague's women >One of the football chads in my class does not know what r--- is >How TheFuck.JPG >Think of a funny Twitter post >I post "I'm going to shoot up this school, someone has to clear the gene pool" >flash forward to 3 hours later >Eating lunch in bathroom as usual >Loudspeaker goes off, it's an officer's voice >"The school is now on lockdown, all students remain in your classrooms" >I'm literally s------- myself >Realize I accidentally brought my pocket knife with me to school >Mentally preparing myself to kill a school shooter >Loud knocks on the bathroom door >I slowly open it up >It's an officer, and he is placing me under arrest >Mfw kicked out of high school for a shitpost
NewAgeldiot2 [Report] Image search: [Google] 2017-04-20 05:45:30 Post No. 36420259 >Be me >15 >Bored in English >Have twitter account "@Real RacistSnake" >We have just begun the Romeo and 292KB, 480x466px Juliet unit >It's the part where Samson and Gregory are talking about r----- the Montague's women >One of the football chads in my class does not know what r--- is >How TheFuck.JPG >Think of a funny Twitter post >I post "I'm going to shoot up this school, someone has to clear the gene pool" >flash forward to 3 hours later >Eating lunch in bathroom as usual >Loudspeaker goes off, it's an officer's voice >"The school is now on lockdown, all students remain in your classrooms" >I'm literally s------- myself >Realize I accidentally brought my pocket knife with me to school >Mentally preparing myself to kill a school shooter >Loud knocks on the bathroom door >I slowly open it up >It's an officer, and he is placing me under arrest >Mfw kicked out of high school for a shitpost

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Hoppy Easter | /r/Greentext

31 KB JPG Thanks? >Gave birth to himself to kill himself as a sacrifice himself in order to appease himself so that he would no longer have to throw us into a fiery pit for all eternity because he made us in a way that was not up to his own very high standard
31 KB JPG Thanks? >Gave birth to himself to kill himself as a sacrifice himself in order to appease himself so that he would no longer have to throw us into a fiery pit for all eternity because he made us in a way that was not up to his own very high standard

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