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Anon loves Toy Story | /r/Greentext

File: 1277701026.jpg (97 KB, 540x800, 1277700841402.jpg) >> y CXAR JUNE 18 Anonymous 06/28/10(Mon)00:57:06 No.245158XXX So did you all buy your Jessie toy, masturbate and c-- on her face, then leave the room while you imagine all your other toys trying to console her while she cries, knowing she can't get the c-- off her face because it would cause suspicion? Anonymous 06/28/10(Mon)00:58:10 No.245159XXX lol Anonymous 06/28/10(Mon)00:58:26 No.245159XXX WHAT Anonymous 06/28/10(Mon)00:58:33 No.245159XXX Yes Anonymous 06/28/10(Mon)00:58:57 No.245159XXX If this were facebook I would like this Anonymous 06/28/10(Mon)00:59:05 No.245159XXX I did it to buzz too Anonymous 06/28/10(Mon)00:59:27 No.245159XXX oh my f------ god sir, good point you've made
File: 1277701026.jpg (97 KB, 540x800, 1277700841402.jpg) >> y CXAR JUNE 18 Anonymous 06/28/10(Mon)00:57:06 No.245158XXX So did you all buy your Jessie toy, masturbate and c-- on her face, then leave the room while you imagine all your other toys trying to console her while she cries, knowing she can't get the c-- off her face because it would cause suspicion? Anonymous 06/28/10(Mon)00:58:10 No.245159XXX lol Anonymous 06/28/10(Mon)00:58:26 No.245159XXX WHAT Anonymous 06/28/10(Mon)00:58:33 No.245159XXX Yes Anonymous 06/28/10(Mon)00:58:57 No.245159XXX If this were facebook I would like this Anonymous 06/28/10(Mon)00:59:05 No.245159XXX I did it to buzz too Anonymous 06/28/10(Mon)00:59:27 No.245159XXX oh my f------ god sir, good point you've made

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anon ponders | /r/Greentext

mouth anas Anonymous 11/12/22(Sat)13:11:20 No.70957221 >>70957239 >>70957286 (You) Honestly speaking how can the digestive treat be one unique tube. I don't understand. If true, if you open the mouth and unclutch the anus (like in draing) you would be divided into two Anonymous 11/12/22(Sat)13:13:16 No.70957238 File: 1666746637855211.jpg (44 KB, 512x512) google yandex iqdb wait LIVE SLUG REACTION Some kind of based retard thread goin on here Anonymous 11/12/22(Sat)13:13:32 No.70957239 >>70957221 (OP) Were you born in Flatland? Anonymous 11/12/22(Sat)13:17:59 No.70957286 >>70957221 (OP) bro forgot the third dimension
mouth anas Anonymous 11/12/22(Sat)13:11:20 No.70957221 >>70957239 >>70957286 (You) Honestly speaking how can the digestive treat be one unique tube. I don't understand. If true, if you open the mouth and unclutch the anus (like in draing) you would be divided into two Anonymous 11/12/22(Sat)13:13:16 No.70957238 File: 1666746637855211.jpg (44 KB, 512x512) google yandex iqdb wait LIVE SLUG REACTION Some kind of based retard thread goin on here Anonymous 11/12/22(Sat)13:13:32 No.70957239 >>70957221 (OP) Were you born in Flatland? Anonymous 11/12/22(Sat)13:17:59 No.70957286 >>70957221 (OP) bro forgot the third dimension

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Anon studied the blade | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: bb73RTWr RENTIES RISE UP 08/12/21(Thu)17:33:22 No.39675057 US renter accused of cutting off landlord's head with samurai sword after dispute 31/07/2020 Matt Burrows 8945865A-3622-4D8F-A384-73712E03F71A.jpg 382 KB JPG >HEY RENTIE, YER FIVE MINUTES LATE ON THE RENT, IM KEEPING YOUR DEPOSIT >"keep it...I'll just keep...YOUR SOUL" *unzips katana* >*SHWING SHWING SHWING* *landie explodes into a million pieces* >"heh...nothing personnel...landcuck. while you studied real estate, I studied the blade."
: Anonymous (ID: bb73RTWr RENTIES RISE UP 08/12/21(Thu)17:33:22 No.39675057 US renter accused of cutting off landlord's head with samurai sword after dispute 31/07/2020 Matt Burrows 8945865A-3622-4D8F-A384-73712E03F71A.jpg 382 KB JPG >HEY RENTIE, YER FIVE MINUTES LATE ON THE RENT, IM KEEPING YOUR DEPOSIT >"keep it...I'll just keep...YOUR SOUL" *unzips katana* >*SHWING SHWING SHWING* *landie explodes into a million pieces* >"heh...nothing personnel...landcuck. while you studied real estate, I studied the blade."

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Anon is normal | /r/Greentext

Anonymous No.643300058 1 minute ago >Be me >Best friend and I move into a house together >Neither of us have GFs >F--- each other because it's better than masturbating >Decide to get married for tax benefits >Adopt a kid to be our little bro >One day while we f--- our balls touch >He doesnt stop and say "no h---" Am I married to a f-----? How do I tell our son?
Anonymous No.643300058 1 minute ago >Be me >Best friend and I move into a house together >Neither of us have GFs >F--- each other because it's better than masturbating >Decide to get married for tax benefits >Adopt a kid to be our little bro >One day while we f--- our balls touch >He doesnt stop and say "no h---" Am I married to a f-----? How do I tell our son?

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anon damaged his bike | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 33 KB JPG 11/12/22(Sat) 19:04:49 No.70961680 >Be pizza delivery guy >Some hood n----- orders a pizza >Drive to his shack >Ring the doorbell >N----- opens the door with a submachine gun pointed in my general direction >Starts spraying >Misses every shot >Says "My bad, man" >Takes the pizza and gives me a large tip >Turn around >He hit my bike >Get back to restaurant >Boss docks my pay because of damaged bike Kinda wish the n----- hadn't missed
: Anonymous 33 KB JPG 11/12/22(Sat) 19:04:49 No.70961680 >Be pizza delivery guy >Some hood n----- orders a pizza >Drive to his shack >Ring the doorbell >N----- opens the door with a submachine gun pointed in my general direction >Starts spraying >Misses every shot >Says "My bad, man" >Takes the pizza and gives me a large tip >Turn around >He hit my bike >Get back to restaurant >Boss docks my pay because of damaged bike Kinda wish the n----- hadn't missed

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Anon makes a sacrifice | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/14/17 (Fri) 15:49:12 No.38371043 >uncle was dying of cancer >on hospital bed >doctors said he had 1 day left to live >sad, go to my room and lock the door >radomly decide to do a blood sacrifice by sacrificing my life for his >drew a pentagram on a piece of paper and then cut my palm with a knife and soaked the paper with blood 19 KB JPG >prayed that my uncle gets better in exchange for my life >next day uncle makes a miraculous recovery This was just a coincidence r-right?
: Anonymous 07/14/17 (Fri) 15:49:12 No.38371043 >uncle was dying of cancer >on hospital bed >doctors said he had 1 day left to live >sad, go to my room and lock the door >radomly decide to do a blood sacrifice by sacrificing my life for his >drew a pentagram on a piece of paper and then cut my palm with a knife and soaked the paper with blood 19 KB JPG >prayed that my uncle gets better in exchange for my life >next day uncle makes a miraculous recovery This was just a coincidence r-right?

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Anon thinks about trans girls | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 564 KB PNG : Anonymous : Anonymous 11/09/22(Wed)18:32:13 No.28306038 >don't want to date trans people bigot >want to date trans people chaser 11/09/22(Wed)18:33:29 No.28306053 11/09/22(Wed)18:34:50 No.28306065 >>28306038 (OP) # trans women are women and therefore they are completely retarded
: Anonymous 564 KB PNG : Anonymous : Anonymous 11/09/22(Wed)18:32:13 No.28306038 >don't want to date trans people bigot >want to date trans people chaser 11/09/22(Wed)18:33:29 No.28306053 11/09/22(Wed)18:34:50 No.28306065 >>28306038 (OP) # trans women are women and therefore they are completely retarded

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Anon’s chain got jerked | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 05/09/22(Mon)20:10:43 No.68563456 >84 year old grandfather tells me that he's joined a message board devoted to discussing cars >based on the way he speaks, he clearly had no idea what a message board was until very recently 117 KB JPG >he shows me some of his post history >he enjoys posting stupid, obviously false and ridiculous information just to see how people reply >he doesn't know the terms shitposting or trolling, so he says "I'm jerkin' their chains!" and scrolls down, busting a gut with laughter as he reads off some of the replies An 84 year old man is an online troll. I am genuinely ashamed to be his grandson. Anonymous >>68563456 (OP) lol sounds like your chain got jerked 05/09/22(Mon)20:37:06 No.68563759
Anonymous 05/09/22(Mon)20:10:43 No.68563456 >84 year old grandfather tells me that he's joined a message board devoted to discussing cars >based on the way he speaks, he clearly had no idea what a message board was until very recently 117 KB JPG >he shows me some of his post history >he enjoys posting stupid, obviously false and ridiculous information just to see how people reply >he doesn't know the terms shitposting or trolling, so he says "I'm jerkin' their chains!" and scrolls down, busting a gut with laughter as he reads off some of the replies An 84 year old man is an online troll. I am genuinely ashamed to be his grandson. Anonymous >>68563456 (OP) lol sounds like your chain got jerked 05/09/22(Mon)20:37:06 No.68563759

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Anon finishes early | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 05/25/13(Sat)00:55 No.16442287 Replies: >>16442341 >>16442343 >>16442433 >>16442460 >>16442510 >listening to music >cleaning up my man cave >gf says she is going to the store >decide it's time for a fap >wait a few minutes after she left >strip naked because that's how I do >searching for that perfect fap video >getting close hear the door open and shut >shut my computer down but keep fapping hoping gf will come down and finish me off >decide I am going to surprise her and j--- the second she walks in (seemed better at the time) >hear someone walking down the stairs >decide to stand for this >as the door opens shoot my load all over some dude in a ski mask >I literally fall back stunned and reach for my gun >he is yelling w-- >hold him at gunpoint until the cops come >cop asks what is all over the guys shirt and pants >explain and give my statement >I can still hear them laughing...
Anonymous 05/25/13(Sat)00:55 No.16442287 Replies: >>16442341 >>16442343 >>16442433 >>16442460 >>16442510 >listening to music >cleaning up my man cave >gf says she is going to the store >decide it's time for a fap >wait a few minutes after she left >strip naked because that's how I do >searching for that perfect fap video >getting close hear the door open and shut >shut my computer down but keep fapping hoping gf will come down and finish me off >decide I am going to surprise her and j--- the second she walks in (seemed better at the time) >hear someone walking down the stairs >decide to stand for this >as the door opens shoot my load all over some dude in a ski mask >I literally fall back stunned and reach for my gun >he is yelling w-- >hold him at gunpoint until the cops come >cop asks what is all over the guys shirt and pants >explain and give my statement >I can still hear them laughing...

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Carbonara Cuck | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/22/22(Mon)23:02:20 No.18269511 >get a tinder date >have couple of drinks >hit it off >she doesn't want to go home >bring her back to my place >cook a carbonara but f--- it up >it's scrambled eggs with pasta >she tries to be nice and nibbles it >roommate comes home >notices what happens >asks to talk to me in private >says not to worry and he's gonna save my date >whips up a perfect carbonara for us and leaves to his room >rest of the night goes OK >we don't f--- and she stops acting interested >next morning she says she had fun but is not interested >next week roommate brings her over >realize I've been carbonara cucked >have to hear them banging for the 3 months they dated can't even be mad >>18269532 # >>18270787 #
: Anonymous 08/22/22(Mon)23:02:20 No.18269511 >get a tinder date >have couple of drinks >hit it off >she doesn't want to go home >bring her back to my place >cook a carbonara but f--- it up >it's scrambled eggs with pasta >she tries to be nice and nibbles it >roommate comes home >notices what happens >asks to talk to me in private >says not to worry and he's gonna save my date >whips up a perfect carbonara for us and leaves to his room >rest of the night goes OK >we don't f--- and she stops acting interested >next morning she says she had fun but is not interested >next week roommate brings her over >realize I've been carbonara cucked >have to hear them banging for the 3 months they dated can't even be mad >>18269532 # >>18270787 #

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Anon gets fired | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 336 KB JPG 11/13/22(Sun)03:07:03 No.888984381 > get laid off from twitter > go home > enter the garage > close the door > sit in my car > turn it on > wait > 3 hours later the battery finally dies > goddamn you Elon View Thread
: Anonymous 336 KB JPG 11/13/22(Sun)03:07:03 No.888984381 > get laid off from twitter > go home > enter the garage > close the door > sit in my car > turn it on > wait > 3 hours later the battery finally dies > goddamn you Elon View Thread

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Anon likes Fallout New Vegas | /r/Greentext

Anonymous Fallout NEW VEGAS 12 KB JPG 11/12/22(Sat)20:29:40 No.888982766 2 Replies >is the best title ever released by Bethesda How did Todd f--- up the fallout series so bad after NV? Fallout could have been the best intellectual property in videogames EVER, but then Bethesda made Fallout 4 and it all went to s---. View Thread : Anonymous >>888982766 (OP) # >fallout new vegas >most loved by trannies 11/12/22(Sat)20:31:04 No.888982830
Anonymous Fallout NEW VEGAS 12 KB JPG 11/12/22(Sat)20:29:40 No.888982766 2 Replies >is the best title ever released by Bethesda How did Todd f--- up the fallout series so bad after NV? Fallout could have been the best intellectual property in videogames EVER, but then Bethesda made Fallout 4 and it all went to s---. View Thread : Anonymous >>888982766 (OP) # >fallout new vegas >most loved by trannies 11/12/22(Sat)20:31:04 No.888982830

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Anon has lost hope | /r/Greentext

10/14/22(Fri)23:54:06 No.70593258 Anonymous >>70583485 (OP) # i hate my life so much it's unreal. >finally finished with stem research degree >health went to s--- working on thesis >size of a textbook with some neat things no one will ever bother to actually read >p much worked 16hr days erry day of erry week to get it done >now diagnosed with some p bad preconditions >got job at university >broke down from massive burnout in a month >now unemployed >looking for work in industry with economy gone to s--- and reference list of kinda burned bridges >all frens have families and jobs so little time to hang >no grill in sight, last relationship was half a decade ago that nearly got me kill idk what category this puts me in but some kind of retard/failure for sure.
10/14/22(Fri)23:54:06 No.70593258 Anonymous >>70583485 (OP) # i hate my life so much it's unreal. >finally finished with stem research degree >health went to s--- working on thesis >size of a textbook with some neat things no one will ever bother to actually read >p much worked 16hr days erry day of erry week to get it done >now diagnosed with some p bad preconditions >got job at university >broke down from massive burnout in a month >now unemployed >looking for work in industry with economy gone to s--- and reference list of kinda burned bridges >all frens have families and jobs so little time to hang >no grill in sight, last relationship was half a decade ago that nearly got me kill idk what category this puts me in but some kind of retard/failure for sure.

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Anon internalizes boyhood trauma | /r/Greentext

Anonymous >>888946857 # >tfw I lost my virginity at 10 but haven't had sex since 11/12/22(Sat)09:22:07 No.888951801
Anonymous >>888946857 # >tfw I lost my virginity at 10 but haven't had sex since 11/12/22(Sat)09:22:07 No.888951801

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Anon has uranus on the mind | /r/Greentext

Anonymous dumb words stuck in your head All this drip got em Mortyfied *** 91 KB JPG 11/12/22(Sat)00:28:16 No.888935118 >rectum >uranus >ouranus >theiranus >myanus >hisanus >heranus >ouranus >discombobulate
Anonymous dumb words stuck in your head All this drip got em Mortyfied *** 91 KB JPG 11/12/22(Sat)00:28:16 No.888935118 >rectum >uranus >ouranus >theiranus >myanus >hisanus >heranus >ouranus >discombobulate

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Anon discovers (invents?) bloodface | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 11/11/22(Fri)18:43:57 No.70950527 >>70950250 # more stories >I had a lot of nosebleeds as a child >apparently there were multiple instances of me slathering the blood all over my face like I was some f------ indian during the colonization era >have no recollection of this until my mom mentions this one night while eating dinner
Anonymous 11/11/22(Fri)18:43:57 No.70950527 >>70950250 # more stories >I had a lot of nosebleeds as a child >apparently there were multiple instances of me slathering the blood all over my face like I was some f------ indian during the colonization era >have no recollection of this until my mom mentions this one night while eating dinner

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Lesbian love story | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 10/12/10(Tue)12:31 No.75545XXX File1286901093.jpg-(48 KB, 678x444, 1233814009623.jpg) [!] >Pretend I'm a girl just to get items >Meet a great girl in the process that convinces me to join her guild. >Become best friends >She turns out to be a lesbian >Keep pretending even if it feels wrong >7 months of online dating and cybering >She tells me we have to talk >Think she wants to meet IRL and get ready to tell her the horrible truth >She tells me she's really a guy pretending he's a lesbian >My f------ face when we've been two guys cybering lesbian sex for 7 months
Anonymous 10/12/10(Tue)12:31 No.75545XXX File1286901093.jpg-(48 KB, 678x444, 1233814009623.jpg) [!] >Pretend I'm a girl just to get items >Meet a great girl in the process that convinces me to join her guild. >Become best friends >She turns out to be a lesbian >Keep pretending even if it feels wrong >7 months of online dating and cybering >She tells me we have to talk >Think she wants to meet IRL and get ready to tell her the horrible truth >She tells me she's really a guy pretending he's a lesbian >My f------ face when we've been two guys cybering lesbian sex for 7 months

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Anon have sex | /r/Greentext

No.55008835 10/23/19(Wed)18:13:21 download-2.jpg JPG 8.7 KiB 171x171 >be me >in health class >teacher says we are going to start the sex ed unit >mfw my name is Ed >later virgins No.55009191 10/23/19 (Wed)18:49:33 I hate this f------ website so f------ much :
No.55008835 10/23/19(Wed)18:13:21 download-2.jpg JPG 8.7 KiB 171x171 >be me >in health class >teacher says we are going to start the sex ed unit >mfw my name is Ed >later virgins No.55009191 10/23/19 (Wed)18:49:33 I hate this f------ website so f------ much :

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Anon tries to do something nice for their spouse | /r/Greentext

I don't know what else to do. >my wife has been talking about a 5K coming up and how fun it would be >I signed us up, and she was elated when she got the confirmation email >She gets home and thanks me for deciding to sign her up >Tell her I am looking forward to running with her >An immediate confused look appears on her face "WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU'RE RUNNING WITH ME?" >A few weeks ago she said my clothes looked tighter 279 KB JPG on me >I saw this as an opportunity to start getting myself more active >She gets increasingly more upset when I tell her this and even cries >She says that I am ruining time she wanted to spend with her friends. >I offer to drive separately. I offer to start at the back of the pack as opposed to with her. >Nothing I offer or say is acceptable and now I have "destroyed the entire weekend." I just want to make my wife happy and be a better version of myself for her. I don't understand and she won't talk to me.
I don't know what else to do. >my wife has been talking about a 5K coming up and how fun it would be >I signed us up, and she was elated when she got the confirmation email >She gets home and thanks me for deciding to sign her up >Tell her I am looking forward to running with her >An immediate confused look appears on her face "WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU'RE RUNNING WITH ME?" >A few weeks ago she said my clothes looked tighter 279 KB JPG on me >I saw this as an opportunity to start getting myself more active >She gets increasingly more upset when I tell her this and even cries >She says that I am ruining time she wanted to spend with her friends. >I offer to drive separately. I offer to start at the back of the pack as opposed to with her. >Nothing I offer or say is acceptable and now I have "destroyed the entire weekend." I just want to make my wife happy and be a better version of myself for her. I don't understand and she won't talk to me.

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Anon creates a character in Monster Hunter | /r/Greentext

Anonymous Looking right because you left Looking up because you let me down 12/15/18(Sat)08:06:41 No.442993202 Looking left because you don't treat me right Looking down because you f----- up looking-right-because-you-left-looking-up-because-you-let-3318472.png 371 KB PNG >Buys Monster Hunter World in PS4 sale >Decides to create the most attractive girl I can to play as >Finish the character creator >Do a second take and look closely at her face >Slowly realize I have subconsciously created the exact image of my ex gf Its been 4 years when does it stop hurting bros
Anonymous Looking right because you left Looking up because you let me down 12/15/18(Sat)08:06:41 No.442993202 Looking left because you don't treat me right Looking down because you f----- up looking-right-because-you-left-looking-up-because-you-let-3318472.png 371 KB PNG >Buys Monster Hunter World in PS4 sale >Decides to create the most attractive girl I can to play as >Finish the character creator >Do a second take and look closely at her face >Slowly realize I have subconsciously created the exact image of my ex gf Its been 4 years when does it stop hurting bros

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