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Anon is a comedian | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Comedic genius OFESEFFE.CO 71 KB JPG 09/06/23(Wed)12:53:41 No.905637354 >be me >first date >girl says she has anxiety >"Oh me too. I have PSTD" >"sorry STDs nP" >"Wow that's worse I even added letters" >mfw she didn't think it was funny
: Anonymous Comedic genius OFESEFFE.CO 71 KB JPG 09/06/23(Wed)12:53:41 No.905637354 >be me >first date >girl says she has anxiety >"Oh me too. I have PSTD" >"sorry STDs nP" >"Wow that's worse I even added letters" >mfw she didn't think it was funny

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Tit for Tat | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 09/06/23 (Wed)13:45:43 No.74645906 File: 0398_-_DFgtf8l.png (21 KB, 473x500) >getting busy with the gf last night >foreplay progresses into 69ing >out of nowhere she starts fingering my arse >not happy about this, finger her arse back >she pops another finger in without as much as a warning >thefuck.gif >stick 3 extra fingers up her shitpipe >incensed by this she rams a 9 inch dildo balls deep up my intestines >not about to be outdone, I grab a nearby 12kg kttlebell and envelop it with her anus >really got her going with that and in return she crams our entire rowing machine straight up my bussy Never came so hard in my life
Anonymous 09/06/23 (Wed)13:45:43 No.74645906 File: 0398_-_DFgtf8l.png (21 KB, 473x500) >getting busy with the gf last night >foreplay progresses into 69ing >out of nowhere she starts fingering my arse >not happy about this, finger her arse back >she pops another finger in without as much as a warning >thefuck.gif >stick 3 extra fingers up her shitpipe >incensed by this she rams a 9 inch dildo balls deep up my intestines >not about to be outdone, I grab a nearby 12kg kttlebell and envelop it with her anus >really got her going with that and in return she crams our entire rowing machine straight up my bussy Never came so hard in my life

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Anon misses his Dad | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 1 hour ago Space >be me 1 HALL 1 >father dies >going through father stuff >find old xp laptop he was still using >sadsmile.jpg >decide to boot it up >slow as molasses >finally get to desktop >XP_startup_sound.wav >that sound >start playing around with it >find 3D Pinball for Windows >immediately start playing >get blasted with memories from my youth 905617087 >remember all the good time spent with my father >when he would surprise me with a pack of Pokemon cards >when he would take me to work with him and let me play with all the cool electronic tools >when he would tell me stories to make me sleep >when we would play card games and inevitably beat me >when he would do magic tricks to entertain me >when we would play crosswords during summer >when we talked for hours about everything >when we watched F1 together >cry my eyes out all night Miss you dad.
Anonymous 1 hour ago Space >be me 1 HALL 1 >father dies >going through father stuff >find old xp laptop he was still using >sadsmile.jpg >decide to boot it up >slow as molasses >finally get to desktop >XP_startup_sound.wav >that sound >start playing around with it >find 3D Pinball for Windows >immediately start playing >get blasted with memories from my youth 905617087 >remember all the good time spent with my father >when he would surprise me with a pack of Pokemon cards >when he would take me to work with him and let me play with all the cool electronic tools >when he would tell me stories to make me sleep >when we would play card games and inevitably beat me >when he would do magic tricks to entertain me >when we would play crosswords during summer >when we talked for hours about everything >when we watched F1 together >cry my eyes out all night Miss you dad.

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Anon is a super pdf file | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous So this just happened 690 KB PNG >Me: ahahah... at dinne(...) 09/06/23(Wed)08:51:41 No.11032644 >Them: Anon, are you a p---------? >Me: Heheh no, I am not a p---, for I am actually a SUPER p---!! >Me: Beware of your children *while I hovering my fingers like a wizard* >Them: hahahahaha.... >Me inside: F--- they know! They probably found my loli stash. I have to get rid of them! >Me: but have you seen how 17 year old girls dress these days >Uncles, Dad: Oh yeah, girls these days do look older than in our days.
: Anonymous So this just happened 690 KB PNG >Me: ahahah... at dinne(...) 09/06/23(Wed)08:51:41 No.11032644 >Them: Anon, are you a p---------? >Me: Heheh no, I am not a p---, for I am actually a SUPER p---!! >Me: Beware of your children *while I hovering my fingers like a wizard* >Them: hahahahaha.... >Me inside: F--- they know! They probably found my loli stash. I have to get rid of them! >Me: but have you seen how 17 year old girls dress these days >Uncles, Dad: Oh yeah, girls these days do look older than in our days.

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Anon doesn't like Dave Ramsey | /r/Greentext

09/07/23(Thu)03:27:05 No.905662979 >Uses family's Real Estate connections to get loans he is not qualified for >fails as a real estate flipper a decade before the housing crash >graduates from real estate failure to podcast host >gets rich by selling books on how to work hard and live cheap and eat beans and rice, something he's never done Dave Ramsey is a n----- 1 Reply : Anonymous TITLE 64 KB JPG View Thread
09/07/23(Thu)03:27:05 No.905662979 >Uses family's Real Estate connections to get loans he is not qualified for >fails as a real estate flipper a decade before the housing crash >graduates from real estate failure to podcast host >gets rich by selling books on how to work hard and live cheap and eat beans and rice, something he's never done Dave Ramsey is a n----- 1 Reply : Anonymous TITLE 64 KB JPG View Thread

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Anon contemplates his identity | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 158 KB PNG 09/06/23(Wed)02:40:56 No.74640739 >Lament that my parents don't know who I am >Try to consider who I am >Realize there's no one inside me >Work -> Money -> Food -> Vidya automaton >There's nobody in there, there's nothing to find, there are maybe memories of a child who once existed but is gone gone gone Not just demoralized but dehumanized
: Anonymous 158 KB PNG 09/06/23(Wed)02:40:56 No.74640739 >Lament that my parents don't know who I am >Try to consider who I am >Realize there's no one inside me >Work -> Money -> Food -> Vidya automaton >There's nobody in there, there's nothing to find, there are maybe memories of a child who once existed but is gone gone gone Not just demoralized but dehumanized

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Anon missed a shot | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 1.79 MB PNG place >okay 09/06/23(Wed)05:16:02 No.74642174 >go to a store for food >run into girl I went to church with growing up >she works there >wants to hang out >okay >she says she wants to see my >a few days later she meets me at my apartment >hanging out is mostly just reminiscing >she convinces me to start drinking >we have drinks and talk for a few hours >freeze up >scoot back >she's telling me all these secrets about girls we knew >telling me who did what, who liked who, interesting for the surprise factor I guess >she puts her hand on my chest and touches her legs with mine >asks if she wants to know who liked me >she gets up and leaves killing myself soon
: Anonymous 1.79 MB PNG place >okay 09/06/23(Wed)05:16:02 No.74642174 >go to a store for food >run into girl I went to church with growing up >she works there >wants to hang out >okay >she says she wants to see my >a few days later she meets me at my apartment >hanging out is mostly just reminiscing >she convinces me to start drinking >we have drinks and talk for a few hours >freeze up >scoot back >she's telling me all these secrets about girls we knew >telling me who did what, who liked who, interesting for the surprise factor I guess >she puts her hand on my chest and touches her legs with mine >asks if she wants to know who liked me >she gets up and leaves killing myself soon

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Anons discuss catdog | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Catdog H 78 KB JPG : Anonymous WHEEZE 09/06/23(Wed)15:43:16 No.905649937 188 KB PNG >do you think they explored each others body? >>905649937 (OP) # EZE >They're (chuckle) they're the same body!!! 09/06/23(Wed)15:44:15 No.905649982 unironically how does their reproductive system work?
: Anonymous Catdog H 78 KB JPG : Anonymous WHEEZE 09/06/23(Wed)15:43:16 No.905649937 188 KB PNG >do you think they explored each others body? >>905649937 (OP) # EZE >They're (chuckle) they're the same body!!! 09/06/23(Wed)15:44:15 No.905649982 unironically how does their reproductive system work?

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Anon’s First Day at Work | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 6 KB JPG 09/06/23 (Wed)20:19:52 No.74652135 >First day of work at a new place >Work comes with free lunch at the huge cafe there >It's less restaurant and more high school cafeteria >It's shockingly similar to the school cafeterias I grew up with >Just the noise of it is enough to bring up memories of being bullied in school >Try to man up and force myself to go despite the bad feelings >Get through the lines well enough, but once I'm standing at the entrance to the dining hall with its long tables and chatting groups, I'm no longer a man and have returned to being the pimply-faced teen who everyone made fun of >Start to feel physically sick at the idea of having to ask someone if it's okay if I sit next to them >Memories of being bullied make my hands shake so badly that I drop my tray of food > The cafeteria goes quiet and people start staring at me >I'm shaking so much that I struggle to pick up the s--- I've drop >Can feel everyone's eyes on me >Quickly walk/run to the exit with my tray >Someone yells at me "Hey, you can't take that outside" >Dump my entire tray into the trash can next to the exit and keep running until I'm back in the parking lot and in my car >Full blown panic attack in the car, hyperventilating so hard that I pass out for a bit Pretty sure I have to quit, right? You can't come back from f------ up this bad on your first day in front of the entire company.
: Anonymous 6 KB JPG 09/06/23 (Wed)20:19:52 No.74652135 >First day of work at a new place >Work comes with free lunch at the huge cafe there >It's less restaurant and more high school cafeteria >It's shockingly similar to the school cafeterias I grew up with >Just the noise of it is enough to bring up memories of being bullied in school >Try to man up and force myself to go despite the bad feelings >Get through the lines well enough, but once I'm standing at the entrance to the dining hall with its long tables and chatting groups, I'm no longer a man and have returned to being the pimply-faced teen who everyone made fun of >Start to feel physically sick at the idea of having to ask someone if it's okay if I sit next to them >Memories of being bullied make my hands shake so badly that I drop my tray of food > The cafeteria goes quiet and people start staring at me >I'm shaking so much that I struggle to pick up the s--- I've drop >Can feel everyone's eyes on me >Quickly walk/run to the exit with my tray >Someone yells at me "Hey, you can't take that outside" >Dump my entire tray into the trash can next to the exit and keep running until I'm back in the parking lot and in my car >Full blown panic attack in the car, hyperventilating so hard that I pass out for a bit Pretty sure I have to quit, right? You can't come back from f------ up this bad on your first day in front of the entire company.

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Is it over for Anon? | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/23/22(Thu)08:21:28 No.69147267 16 KB JPG >finally get gf after being a khv for 26 years >finally get to have sex >shes a virgin too >during foreplay she reaches down and squeezes my balls really hard >sickeningly hard >immediately go soft >when the wave of nausea leaves me I ask why she did that >"I always thought that balls were soft and squishy!" >they're clearly not >it's been two days and I haven't been able to c-- since I don't know what to do guys
: Anonymous 06/23/22(Thu)08:21:28 No.69147267 16 KB JPG >finally get gf after being a khv for 26 years >finally get to have sex >shes a virgin too >during foreplay she reaches down and squeezes my balls really hard >sickeningly hard >immediately go soft >when the wave of nausea leaves me I ask why she did that >"I always thought that balls were soft and squishy!" >they're clearly not >it's been two days and I haven't been able to c-- since I don't know what to do guys

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Anon doesn’t like culturally diverse classes | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: (koKoMFip) = 09/06/23(Wed)22:51:42 No.4404405 89 KB PNG > be me > forced into cultural diversity class for my psych major > the teacher constantly pushes anti white racism > call her out on it > out of petty she fails my grade > tell my coach in a fit of sperg rage that i dont ever want to do her class again > today: email: > some f------ literal jew wants to speak to me tomorrow Im so f----- their going to kick me out of "artschool". Whats the best approach frens dont worry i am fully aware im retarded, i just got so f------ tired of these commies pushing s--- on my people.
Anonymous (ID: (koKoMFip) = 09/06/23(Wed)22:51:42 No.4404405 89 KB PNG > be me > forced into cultural diversity class for my psych major > the teacher constantly pushes anti white racism > call her out on it > out of petty she fails my grade > tell my coach in a fit of sperg rage that i dont ever want to do her class again > today: email: > some f------ literal jew wants to speak to me tomorrow Im so f----- their going to kick me out of "artschool". Whats the best approach frens dont worry i am fully aware im retarded, i just got so f------ tired of these commies pushing s--- on my people.

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Anon's grandma | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/06/23(Wed)13:07:56 No.29709659 VALIE 134 KB JPG >have a friend lets call him Y >Y is a kind of a guy that oneshots you irl >he has a grandma >she has alzheimer *light bulb on* >wait until shes asleep >put on a VR headset on her head >launch Skyrim anons is it a good idea? : Anonymous 133 KB JPG 09/06/23(Wed)13:09:50 No.29709668 This idea is like taking disable person to a rollercoaster
: Anonymous 09/06/23(Wed)13:07:56 No.29709659 VALIE 134 KB JPG >have a friend lets call him Y >Y is a kind of a guy that oneshots you irl >he has a grandma >she has alzheimer *light bulb on* >wait until shes asleep >put on a VR headset on her head >launch Skyrim anons is it a good idea? : Anonymous 133 KB JPG 09/06/23(Wed)13:09:50 No.29709668 This idea is like taking disable person to a rollercoaster

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*presses Enter* | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 09/05/23(Tue)05:34:07 No.649700802 Press the "CONFIRM" button to agree to a lifetime of happiness with your waifu of choice. Press the "CANCEL" button to cancel the bond of matrimony and marry your waifu off to a fat ugly bastard. Well? Which one do you press? buttons.png 88 KB PNG >inexplicable localization decisions
Anonymous 09/05/23(Tue)05:34:07 No.649700802 Press the "CONFIRM" button to agree to a lifetime of happiness with your waifu of choice. Press the "CANCEL" button to cancel the bond of matrimony and marry your waifu off to a fat ugly bastard. Well? Which one do you press? buttons.png 88 KB PNG >inexplicable localization decisions

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Hustle Economy | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous alamy 160 KB PNG 09/05/23(Tue)12:11:12 No.905796784 >want to buy s--- >everything is getting so expensive at the store >remember I thankfully own a 100% off discount coupon >pic related
: Anonymous alamy 160 KB PNG 09/05/23(Tue)12:11:12 No.905796784 >want to buy s--- >everything is getting so expensive at the store >remember I thankfully own a 100% off discount coupon >pic related

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Anon is poon repellent | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 09/06/23(Wed)23:26:08 No.74646231 >woman approaches and asks something in an interested happy tone >think about it for a sec and say something in response >her tone does a complete 180 and she walks away soon afterwards Why does this keep happening, what test did I fail? 10 KB JPG
Anonymous 09/06/23(Wed)23:26:08 No.74646231 >woman approaches and asks something in an interested happy tone >think about it for a sec and say something in response >her tone does a complete 180 and she walks away soon afterwards Why does this keep happening, what test did I fail? 10 KB JPG

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Anon has a shameful idea | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 09/06/23 (Wed)12:13:40 No.74647148 ► >>74647192 File: E MUuuXWEAETZS5.jpg (31 KB, 209x279) >brain panics >uh oh >>74646309 (OP) >be me >depressed >want to kill myself >don't have a gun and too scared to jump in front of a truck >lightbulb.jpg >decide to hang myself on the doorknob >i'll finally die and escape from this gay earth >literally just stand up because the doorknob is 3ft tall >feel stupid as f--- and ashamed after
Anonymous 09/06/23 (Wed)12:13:40 No.74647148 ► >>74647192 File: E MUuuXWEAETZS5.jpg (31 KB, 209x279) >brain panics >uh oh >>74646309 (OP) >be me >depressed >want to kill myself >don't have a gun and too scared to jump in front of a truck >lightbulb.jpg >decide to hang myself on the doorknob >i'll finally die and escape from this gay earth >literally just stand up because the doorknob is 3ft tall >feel stupid as f--- and ashamed after

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Take the hint anon | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: 4PtLrNXj 73 KB JPG 08/27/23(Sun)23:19:24 No.55954783 >My wife "jokes" about divorcing me and getting alimony and half my assets even though we have a good relationship What did she mean by this? : Anonymous (ID: hJoGzJGF >>55957610 # 08/27/23(Sun)23:21:34 No.55954795 >>55954783 (OP) # cheeks. spread em : Anonymous (ID: X/vzAvLi) 08/27/23(Sun)23:23:13 No.55954809 >>55954783 (OP) # >married Some of you guys will sign any contract for p---- lol >>55958552 # >>55958740 # >>55961058 # >>55961144 # >>55961181 #
: Anonymous (ID: 4PtLrNXj 73 KB JPG 08/27/23(Sun)23:19:24 No.55954783 >My wife "jokes" about divorcing me and getting alimony and half my assets even though we have a good relationship What did she mean by this? : Anonymous (ID: hJoGzJGF >>55957610 # 08/27/23(Sun)23:21:34 No.55954795 >>55954783 (OP) # cheeks. spread em : Anonymous (ID: X/vzAvLi) 08/27/23(Sun)23:23:13 No.55954809 >>55954783 (OP) # >married Some of you guys will sign any contract for p---- lol >>55958552 # >>55958740 # >>55961058 # >>55961144 # >>55961181 #

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Anon does a kind act | /r/Greentext

Small acts of kindness are something we can all do to make our lives less s---. There is no excuse not to do stuff like this. year >Fill it out >Be me >Uni student depressed 96 KB JPG >Walking to nearby liquor store to numb the pain >Tourist trap store on the way >Sells tacky souvenirs and whatnot >Go in on a whim >Postcard is like f------ 25 cents >Buy one >Wake up next morning with hangover >See postcard >Look up online how to fill it out because who the f--- knows how to fill out a postcard in current >Send to mom and dad >Just like two banal sentences about how I'm doing ok (a lie) and how I hope they are taking good care of my cat >Like 5 days later >Mom calls me to say how much getting that postcard meant to them >Says it made their entire week >Don't drink myself to sleep that night for the first time in a long time
Small acts of kindness are something we can all do to make our lives less s---. There is no excuse not to do stuff like this. year >Fill it out >Be me >Uni student depressed 96 KB JPG >Walking to nearby liquor store to numb the pain >Tourist trap store on the way >Sells tacky souvenirs and whatnot >Go in on a whim >Postcard is like f------ 25 cents >Buy one >Wake up next morning with hangover >See postcard >Look up online how to fill it out because who the f--- knows how to fill out a postcard in current >Send to mom and dad >Just like two banal sentences about how I'm doing ok (a lie) and how I hope they are taking good care of my cat >Like 5 days later >Mom calls me to say how much getting that postcard meant to them >Says it made their entire week >Don't drink myself to sleep that night for the first time in a long time

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Schizo anon has a crush | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 1.21 MB GIF 09/06/23 (Wed)21:41:14 No.74645512 >Have crush >Hates me in the guts because I used to hit on her often >After she rejected me, always maintained the distance because I am a normal guy >having a nice day >Huh, what's in my table? >It's her glasses >Huh, how nice of her to create a chance for us to tal- >Realization hit >She is trying to frame me for stealing her stuff and being a creep >Went back >Glasses gone >I can't see a CCTV in the office so there's no way to defend myself >S--- >Panicked >Ask everyone around for whose glasses it is, hoping for someone to know whose glasses it is and give it back >Many coworkers tried and failed because my crush usually wears contacts >Getting desperate, straight up asking who the hell does the glass belongs to at a guy RIGHT IN FRONT OF HER in Hope's of her responding >She didn't response >after a few hours I got tired and went to get a sip of water >My crush's friend supposedly 'stumbled on it, asked for what happened and gave it back to my crush' >Heard my crush pretending to be surprised and dialing the cops >S---, THEY GOT ME >RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN Currently I am at my grandmas(So they will find me later), drinking and typing this s---. My time is f------ running out. This is not some quirky greentext. Please, find a way to prove my innocence before they get me. I just want to live a normal life.
Anonymous 1.21 MB GIF 09/06/23 (Wed)21:41:14 No.74645512 >Have crush >Hates me in the guts because I used to hit on her often >After she rejected me, always maintained the distance because I am a normal guy >having a nice day >Huh, what's in my table? >It's her glasses >Huh, how nice of her to create a chance for us to tal- >Realization hit >She is trying to frame me for stealing her stuff and being a creep >Went back >Glasses gone >I can't see a CCTV in the office so there's no way to defend myself >S--- >Panicked >Ask everyone around for whose glasses it is, hoping for someone to know whose glasses it is and give it back >Many coworkers tried and failed because my crush usually wears contacts >Getting desperate, straight up asking who the hell does the glass belongs to at a guy RIGHT IN FRONT OF HER in Hope's of her responding >She didn't response >after a few hours I got tired and went to get a sip of water >My crush's friend supposedly 'stumbled on it, asked for what happened and gave it back to my crush' >Heard my crush pretending to be surprised and dialing the cops >S---, THEY GOT ME >RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN Currently I am at my grandmas(So they will find me later), drinking and typing this s---. My time is f------ running out. This is not some quirky greentext. Please, find a way to prove my innocence before they get me. I just want to live a normal life.

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Anons are aggressive these days | /r/Greentext

13m (9/6 20:08) - 905632043 6 Re 0 Img JPG 855KB (1170 x 1159) IMG_2868.jpg • Started beating my baby brother Beat the f--- out of my brother yesterday > be 16 > have 6yo little brother who I started beating the shut out of yesterday : > don't fucken know why I did it, I was sitting next ro him watching tv and my parents weren't home so I just picked up a tv remote and started bludgeoning him with it > he starts crying and eventually hit him to the point that he couldn't even bring himself to cry and it was just just loud sobs > do this 3 more times > check the time and realise parents are coming home soon > convince brother not to tell parents or else I'll beat him harder next time So what's wrong with me b
13m (9/6 20:08) - 905632043 6 Re 0 Img JPG 855KB (1170 x 1159) IMG_2868.jpg • Started beating my baby brother Beat the f--- out of my brother yesterday > be 16 > have 6yo little brother who I started beating the shut out of yesterday : > don't fucken know why I did it, I was sitting next ro him watching tv and my parents weren't home so I just picked up a tv remote and started bludgeoning him with it > he starts crying and eventually hit him to the point that he couldn't even bring himself to cry and it was just just loud sobs > do this 3 more times > check the time and realise parents are coming home soon > convince brother not to tell parents or else I'll beat him harder next time So what's wrong with me b

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