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Slow down tubby! You're not on the moon yet! | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 80 KB JPG 01/10/22(Mon)14:18:43 No.66928349 >be me, fat kid munching on a pie in 5th grade >random old guy sees me, tells me to slow down and leave some for later >get embarrassed and furious at the audacity of this old man >many years later i am severely overweight and on 4chan He was right
: Anonymous 80 KB JPG 01/10/22(Mon)14:18:43 No.66928349 >be me, fat kid munching on a pie in 5th grade >random old guy sees me, tells me to slow down and leave some for later >get embarrassed and furious at the audacity of this old man >many years later i am severely overweight and on 4chan He was right

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Milf mod deficiency | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/17/24(Wed) 05:46:09 No.682906398 IMG_0284.jpg 421 KB JPG >Mods to make older women young are everywhere >Almost none for enhancing older women or making young women older Preferring older women is a curse
: Anonymous 07/17/24(Wed) 05:46:09 No.682906398 IMG_0284.jpg 421 KB JPG >Mods to make older women young are everywhere >Almost none for enhancing older women or making young women older Preferring older women is a curse

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Anon dreams of CN | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 61 KB JPG 07/25/24(Thu)13:47:27 No.78276259 >be me, 8 years old, 2000 >I wake up some saturday morning to the sound of my dad coming home >He bought a copy of Windows for the family >I think it was ME, and I was super excited as I always like anything we upgraded >I did my normal routine, brushing teeth, eating breakfast, watching CN and waiting for my dad to settle down after coming home >I put CN down at a lower volume to help my dad focus on setting ME up >I was so excited to try the internet with this new operating system, and was even arguing with my sister because she wanted to use it first >It was a very sunny day, a day of saturday morning cartoons. >be me, 16 years old, 2024 >It's thursday on a hot summer day >none of it ever existed >I wouldn't have even existed >it was all a dream >but why would I dream a time I never experienced? > Where am I? Why am I? Why do we deceit ourselves a better life without ever intending to do so?
Anonymous 61 KB JPG 07/25/24(Thu)13:47:27 No.78276259 >be me, 8 years old, 2000 >I wake up some saturday morning to the sound of my dad coming home >He bought a copy of Windows for the family >I think it was ME, and I was super excited as I always like anything we upgraded >I did my normal routine, brushing teeth, eating breakfast, watching CN and waiting for my dad to settle down after coming home >I put CN down at a lower volume to help my dad focus on setting ME up >I was so excited to try the internet with this new operating system, and was even arguing with my sister because she wanted to use it first >It was a very sunny day, a day of saturday morning cartoons. >be me, 16 years old, 2024 >It's thursday on a hot summer day >none of it ever existed >I wouldn't have even existed >it was all a dream >but why would I dream a time I never experienced? > Where am I? Why am I? Why do we deceit ourselves a better life without ever intending to do so?

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I miss BioShock | /r/Greentext

>is he dead yet? >I... think so? he's been staring at us without moving a muscle for a while now. >should we just leave him here? >that's kinda f--- >HE MOVED! >*multiple Elizabeths* AAAAAAHHHH >HOLDING HIM DOWN, HOLD HIM DOWN!
>is he dead yet? >I... think so? he's been staring at us without moving a muscle for a while now. >should we just leave him here? >that's kinda f--- >HE MOVED! >*multiple Elizabeths* AAAAAAHHHH >HOLDING HIM DOWN, HOLD HIM DOWN!

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Anon Goes To Therapy | /r/Greentext

Therapy Anonymous 07/25/24(Thu)15:24:02 No.78273657 >be me >autistic >f----- up in brain so have to go to therapy >have really cool therapist >probably like 8/10, really like her but keep it professional >therapy ends >not going to see her again >only person I cared about in years >cry.exe What is this s---?? Therapy is supposed to help and instead I'm f----- up even more now. Idk just post your mean replies so I can be mad at you or something.
Therapy Anonymous 07/25/24(Thu)15:24:02 No.78273657 >be me >autistic >f----- up in brain so have to go to therapy >have really cool therapist >probably like 8/10, really like her but keep it professional >therapy ends >not going to see her again >only person I cared about in years >cry.exe What is this s---?? Therapy is supposed to help and instead I'm f----- up even more now. Idk just post your mean replies so I can be mad at you or something.

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Anon is working | /r/Greentext

27 KB JPG >get a job at a huge organization >fully virtual >a year later, manager rage quits >team is a mess >new manager comes in but never contacts me >I never contact her >I don't think I was ever officially assigned to her so she probably doesn't even know I exist >slowly divert my work to different people in the company >nothing to do >no one to report to >I've been getting paid for free >it's been four months
27 KB JPG >get a job at a huge organization >fully virtual >a year later, manager rage quits >team is a mess >new manager comes in but never contacts me >I never contact her >I don't think I was ever officially assigned to her so she probably doesn't even know I exist >slowly divert my work to different people in the company >nothing to do >no one to report to >I've been getting paid for free >it's been four months

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Cultural differences | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous + 07/23/24(Tue)07:52:05 No.200088267 Wowimatard - 8h 3 Awards I remember going to my swedish friends house. And while we were playing in his room, his mom yelled that dinner was ready. And check this. He told me to WAIT in his room while they ate. That was feking wild. Reply 10.4k 1721665260886269.jpg 127 KB JPG Sweden.... W--.........
O Anonymous + 07/23/24(Tue)07:52:05 No.200088267 Wowimatard - 8h 3 Awards I remember going to my swedish friends house. And while we were playing in his room, his mom yelled that dinner was ready. And check this. He told me to WAIT in his room while they ate. That was feking wild. Reply 10.4k 1721665260886269.jpg 127 KB JPG Sweden.... W--.........

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Anon goes incelmaxxed after bad relationship experience | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous w My 20 year mation dways had a vision at howl wanted to look and feeli just didn't know wwe pamte betur. To athering what I shut and shouldn't. Ute is the short to live unhappy so imode big changes (23 n the left 43 on the right To the own at be us 1.38 MB PNG 07/25/24(Thu)12:31:16 No.78272479 >be me >incel >meet legit femcel through work >we get together >lose our virginities together >she is my whole world >two years later >planning on having children >about to move in together >she gets a new job >male coworkers start hitting on her >despite everything we went through together and all our plans she leaves me and becomes a turbo slut for the guys at her work >saw her walking on the street a few months later >almost didn't recognise her, dyed blonde roastie hair, face cakes in makeup and dressed like a literal prostitute Guys I wish I was making this s--- up Somehow being with a woman made me hate women even more than when I was an incel : Anonymous >>78272479 (OP) # 07/25/24(Thu)12:37:52 No.78272518 People are not saying women are nothing but common w----- for no reason whatsoever, all women are sluts, never forget it and remember to always hold on to that when you start ot imagine they deserve respect. If she's not w------ around mindlessly, she just has not had the chance to do it. If any kind of a chance for it happens she will take it and she will be a w---- : Anonymous >>78272479 (OP) # 07/25/24(Thu)12:39:10 No.78272525 op is gay and made that all up
: Anonymous w My 20 year mation dways had a vision at howl wanted to look and feeli just didn't know wwe pamte betur. To athering what I shut and shouldn't. Ute is the short to live unhappy so imode big changes (23 n the left 43 on the right To the own at be us 1.38 MB PNG 07/25/24(Thu)12:31:16 No.78272479 >be me >incel >meet legit femcel through work >we get together >lose our virginities together >she is my whole world >two years later >planning on having children >about to move in together >she gets a new job >male coworkers start hitting on her >despite everything we went through together and all our plans she leaves me and becomes a turbo slut for the guys at her work >saw her walking on the street a few months later >almost didn't recognise her, dyed blonde roastie hair, face cakes in makeup and dressed like a literal prostitute Guys I wish I was making this s--- up Somehow being with a woman made me hate women even more than when I was an incel : Anonymous >>78272479 (OP) # 07/25/24(Thu)12:37:52 No.78272518 People are not saying women are nothing but common w----- for no reason whatsoever, all women are sluts, never forget it and remember to always hold on to that when you start ot imagine they deserve respect. If she's not w------ around mindlessly, she just has not had the chance to do it. If any kind of a chance for it happens she will take it and she will be a w---- : Anonymous >>78272479 (OP) # 07/25/24(Thu)12:39:10 No.78272525 op is gay and made that all up

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Anon is a clown | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 03/02/24(Sat) 10:23:55 No.914761935 >be me, typical class clown loser >in math class, goofing off >while doing an equation on the whiteboard, the teacher asks us to calculate 324 x 67 for her >being the class clown I blurt out a random number and then tell everyone I'm one of those genius human calculators as a joke 272 KB JPG >to everyone's complete shock, myself included, I ended up guessing the correct number somehow >everyone now thinks I'm some kinda mathematical genius What do I do guys? This is the first time I've actually gotten any respect from my peers and it feels awesome. But I know I'll get exposed for the fraud I am sooner or later and I'll go back to being a loser
Anonymous 03/02/24(Sat) 10:23:55 No.914761935 >be me, typical class clown loser >in math class, goofing off >while doing an equation on the whiteboard, the teacher asks us to calculate 324 x 67 for her >being the class clown I blurt out a random number and then tell everyone I'm one of those genius human calculators as a joke 272 KB JPG >to everyone's complete shock, myself included, I ended up guessing the correct number somehow >everyone now thinks I'm some kinda mathematical genius What do I do guys? This is the first time I've actually gotten any respect from my peers and it feels awesome. But I know I'll get exposed for the fraud I am sooner or later and I'll go back to being a loser

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The rape dwarf is coming | /r/Greentext

Anonymous The dwarf 393 KB JPG friends house > oh f--- 07/07/19(Sun)13:28:51 No.53265142 >Be me, home alone > parents arr at a party > midnight, hear someone come inside > I call out "how was the party?" > no response... > get a text from my mom saying they're staying the night at their > hear something coming upstairs > It giggles > with each step I hear its c--- thump on the stairs The r--- dwarf is coming Help me anons
Anonymous The dwarf 393 KB JPG friends house > oh f--- 07/07/19(Sun)13:28:51 No.53265142 >Be me, home alone > parents arr at a party > midnight, hear someone come inside > I call out "how was the party?" > no response... > get a text from my mom saying they're staying the night at their > hear something coming upstairs > It giggles > with each step I hear its c--- thump on the stairs The r--- dwarf is coming Help me anons

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Centroid humor. | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 01/17/23(Tue)21:47:39 No.71869130 maxresdefault (1).jpg 55 KB JPG >Hey guys, Charlie here >heres me explaining every minute detail of a 30 second clip on Twitter over the course of 10 minutes >here's the most milquetoast YouTuber or corporate drama you've ever heard >reviews thing people like: "it's good" >reviews thing people don't like: "it's bad"
Anonymous 01/17/23(Tue)21:47:39 No.71869130 maxresdefault (1).jpg 55 KB JPG >Hey guys, Charlie here >heres me explaining every minute detail of a 30 second clip on Twitter over the course of 10 minutes >here's the most milquetoast YouTuber or corporate drama you've ever heard >reviews thing people like: "it's good" >reviews thing people don't like: "it's bad"

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anon is jschlatt | /r/Greentext

Anonymous hahaha 9/11 PN 45 KB JPG 06/30/22(Thu)15:17:28 No.69237399 >be jschlatt >wake up and check the time >it's 9:11 >burst out laughing >eventually get out of bed and go shower >accidentally hit 2 shampoo bottles and cause them to fall >laugh uncontrollably >get dressed and go outside >listen to some music while i walk >september by earth wind and fire comes on >nearly s--- myself laughing >walk down the road see an arab get in a taxi >"airport please" he says >throat is in agony from laughing, literally crying from laughter >collapse on the sidewalk >a woman runs up to me lying on the sidewalk, gasping for air, and yells "someone call 911" >my body gives up >die
Anonymous hahaha 9/11 PN 45 KB JPG 06/30/22(Thu)15:17:28 No.69237399 >be jschlatt >wake up and check the time >it's 9:11 >burst out laughing >eventually get out of bed and go shower >accidentally hit 2 shampoo bottles and cause them to fall >laugh uncontrollably >get dressed and go outside >listen to some music while i walk >september by earth wind and fire comes on >nearly s--- myself laughing >walk down the road see an arab get in a taxi >"airport please" he says >throat is in agony from laughing, literally crying from laughter >collapse on the sidewalk >a woman runs up to me lying on the sidewalk, gasping for air, and yells "someone call 911" >my body gives up >die

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Anon meets a hr worker | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 34 KB PNG 07/25/24(Thu)11:55:02 No.921857215 >apply for IT job at random place >go in for job interview with HR >go inside the building >red flags everywhere >posters all around "we're a family here", "diversity is our strength", etc... >h-------- I think I made a mistake >go into the HR office >woman with neon hair >godfuckingdammit.webp >"Hello anon, I'm [name] and I go by xe/xem, please tell me your pronouns?" >my pronouns are bye/bye >get up and leave >week later get an email >"We're very sorry but you have not been accepted and you are also on our blacklist as our HR told us you were very unfriendly with them and gave them bad vibes" Holy f------ s--- I'd rather stay a f------ NEET 1 Reply View Thread
Anonymous 34 KB PNG 07/25/24(Thu)11:55:02 No.921857215 >apply for IT job at random place >go in for job interview with HR >go inside the building >red flags everywhere >posters all around "we're a family here", "diversity is our strength", etc... >h-------- I think I made a mistake >go into the HR office >woman with neon hair >godfuckingdammit.webp >"Hello anon, I'm [name] and I go by xe/xem, please tell me your pronouns?" >my pronouns are bye/bye >get up and leave >week later get an email >"We're very sorry but you have not been accepted and you are also on our blacklist as our HR told us you were very unfriendly with them and gave them bad vibes" Holy f------ s--- I'd rather stay a f------ NEET 1 Reply View Thread

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This is going to piss some people off. | /r/Greentext

What is the evolutionary-historic reason why women aren't attracted to intelligence, surely intelligence helped the hunting group getting a juicy mammoth? 139 KB JPG Anonymous 08/23/22(Tue)20:49:03 No.13842615 Women are attracted to actual intelligence (how to succeed in life), not incelligence (eidetic memory of one's entire pepe folder and strategic knowledge of how Germany could've won WW2)
What is the evolutionary-historic reason why women aren't attracted to intelligence, surely intelligence helped the hunting group getting a juicy mammoth? 139 KB JPG Anonymous 08/23/22(Tue)20:49:03 No.13842615 Women are attracted to actual intelligence (how to succeed in life), not incelligence (eidetic memory of one's entire pepe folder and strategic knowledge of how Germany could've won WW2)

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Out of this world perfection | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 07/17/24(Wed)02:15:47 No.201365457 1.jpg 2.47 MB JPG >Supposedly the "perfect lifeform" >Flails around like a complete retard >Doesn't seem to know to communicate at all, maybe at the level of a very young child >Just wants to kill everything it sees and reproduce >Trillions of dollars and centuries of research has been spent on this alien for some reason Why? Why can't the movies just center around this f------ cool alien that just wants to destroy everything? It makes no sense.
Anonymous 07/17/24(Wed)02:15:47 No.201365457 1.jpg 2.47 MB JPG >Supposedly the "perfect lifeform" >Flails around like a complete retard >Doesn't seem to know to communicate at all, maybe at the level of a very young child >Just wants to kill everything it sees and reproduce >Trillions of dollars and centuries of research has been spent on this alien for some reason Why? Why can't the movies just center around this f------ cool alien that just wants to destroy everything? It makes no sense.

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Finest Hour | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 07/14/24(Sun)15:21:59 No.268794135 1693266595745244.jpg 112 KB JPG >superhero name is "Shy" >powers don't include invisibility or noise cancellation Who the f--- comes up with this s---???? >>268794288 # >>268794351 # >>268795192 #
Anonymous 07/14/24(Sun)15:21:59 No.268794135 1693266595745244.jpg 112 KB JPG >superhero name is "Shy" >powers don't include invisibility or noise cancellation Who the f--- comes up with this s---???? >>268794288 # >>268794351 # >>268795192 #

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anon goes on vacation | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: +iOUO4d5 1 07/25/24(Thu)01:59:26 No.475576230 D >be white femanon >be in india >wear shirt that shows an inch of cleavage >walk outside >noisy s--- ridden street goes silent >suddenly crowded by hundreds of jeets silently staring at me >they follow me everywhere I go >picrl why are they like this though?
Anonymous (ID: +iOUO4d5 1 07/25/24(Thu)01:59:26 No.475576230 D >be white femanon >be in india >wear shirt that shows an inch of cleavage >walk outside >noisy s--- ridden street goes silent >suddenly crowded by hundreds of jeets silently staring at me >they follow me everywhere I go >picrl why are they like this though?

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genius indeed | /r/Greentext

WHO WOULD WIN? 1 trillion lions the sun Anonymous 02/01/15(Sun)12:54:27 No.595831502 The lions would win if they attacked at night 10 Most Intelligent People of All Time Alltime10s 10 Subscribe 5.4M + Add to Share ...More 1,741,403 views 17,837 1,799
WHO WOULD WIN? 1 trillion lions the sun Anonymous 02/01/15(Sun)12:54:27 No.595831502 The lions would win if they attacked at night 10 Most Intelligent People of All Time Alltime10s 10 Subscribe 5.4M + Add to Share ...More 1,741,403 views 17,837 1,799

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Anon goes to "conversion therapy" | /r/Greentext

35 KB PNG situation >be me around 2010 >15-16 years old, gay or at least I thought >Come out to mom and dad >They are heartbroken and want me to start conversion therapy of a sort since they're the worst kind of religious >Guy who's 19 who goes to my church and kinda chill with me is aware of the >Tells my parents that for $100 a week for 10 weeks, two sessions a week he can perform effective conversion therapy >I am skeptical but better than the alternative >Mom happily drops me at his house >He opens up and talks to me saying "do not tell your mom anything but I know what you're going through and you're not alone" >Ends up spending an hour playing Xbox 360 games with me and giving me snacks while chilling with some pop punk music blaring in the background >This occurs for all 10 f------ weeks and I tell my parents different things that didn't actually happen pretending I was becoming more straight >At the end of the 10 weeks my "therapist" says if I need anything him and his roommates can help >Also hands me $300 to keep that most definitely came from my mom >Pretend that it "saved" me so I don't have to go through actual conversion therapy and to this day my parents are unaware The best part? I don't think I'm actually gay I just don't really have a strong urge to be in a relationship, however I may have slight attraction to some girls, so maybe that s--- worked on me all along.
35 KB PNG situation >be me around 2010 >15-16 years old, gay or at least I thought >Come out to mom and dad >They are heartbroken and want me to start conversion therapy of a sort since they're the worst kind of religious >Guy who's 19 who goes to my church and kinda chill with me is aware of the >Tells my parents that for $100 a week for 10 weeks, two sessions a week he can perform effective conversion therapy >I am skeptical but better than the alternative >Mom happily drops me at his house >He opens up and talks to me saying "do not tell your mom anything but I know what you're going through and you're not alone" >Ends up spending an hour playing Xbox 360 games with me and giving me snacks while chilling with some pop punk music blaring in the background >This occurs for all 10 f------ weeks and I tell my parents different things that didn't actually happen pretending I was becoming more straight >At the end of the 10 weeks my "therapist" says if I need anything him and his roommates can help >Also hands me $300 to keep that most definitely came from my mom >Pretend that it "saved" me so I don't have to go through actual conversion therapy and to this day my parents are unaware The best part? I don't think I'm actually gay I just don't really have a strong urge to be in a relationship, however I may have slight attraction to some girls, so maybe that s--- worked on me all along.

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Hogwarts shenanigans | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 07/24/24(Wed)19:24:24 No.201669998 >"It appears that Slytherin are in first place with 759 points. Cheers, cheers, Slytherin..." Dumbledore announced calmly, "HOWEVER, before I present the House Cup, last minute adjustments must be made." >a cacophony of whispers fills the hall >"Harry Potter..." the aging headmaster said, stretching his legs from the podium to Harry's seat. He stood next to the bemused chosen one, "what is one plus one?" >Harry, completely befuddled by the question, answered tentatively. "Two, sir?" >"YES! YES! THAT IS INDEED THE ANSWER!" Dumbledore yelled calmly. "TO HARRY M------------ POTTER, FOR YOUR HEADSTRONG APPROACH TO THE FIELD OF MATHEMATICS AND SUCCESSFUL DIVINATION OF A SOLUTION TO AN EQUATION, I AWARD YOU ONE BILLION F------ POINTS!" >The Slytherins groan. Another year gone, another House Cup lost. >"AAAAAAAND WHAT DO YOU KNOW IT LOOKS LIKE GRYFFINDOR WINS THE HOUSE CUP AGAIN!" the headmaster bellowed. From under his robe, twenty legs stretched out and started to curbstomp every Slytherin f------ s--- into the table. Broken teeth clattered on the floor, drops of blood spread over the fine oak. "WHAT'S WRONG, SLYTHERIN? EVERY REACTION HAS AN EQUAL AND OPPOSITE REACTION AFTER ALL! FOR EVERY GRYFFINDOR THAT CAN ADD, ONE HUNDRED OF YOU DEGENERATES MUST BE SUBTRACTED!" >After one hundred Slytherin students were gruesomely killed, all but two of Dumbledore's legs retreated into his robe. >"Would the remaining Slytherins meet me in my bedchambers tonight?" Dumbledore calmly concluded. "I have another leg to tend to." >>201680953 # >>201685369 # >>201685591 # >>201697469 #
Anonymous 07/24/24(Wed)19:24:24 No.201669998 >"It appears that Slytherin are in first place with 759 points. Cheers, cheers, Slytherin..." Dumbledore announced calmly, "HOWEVER, before I present the House Cup, last minute adjustments must be made." >a cacophony of whispers fills the hall >"Harry Potter..." the aging headmaster said, stretching his legs from the podium to Harry's seat. He stood next to the bemused chosen one, "what is one plus one?" >Harry, completely befuddled by the question, answered tentatively. "Two, sir?" >"YES! YES! THAT IS INDEED THE ANSWER!" Dumbledore yelled calmly. "TO HARRY M------------ POTTER, FOR YOUR HEADSTRONG APPROACH TO THE FIELD OF MATHEMATICS AND SUCCESSFUL DIVINATION OF A SOLUTION TO AN EQUATION, I AWARD YOU ONE BILLION F------ POINTS!" >The Slytherins groan. Another year gone, another House Cup lost. >"AAAAAAAND WHAT DO YOU KNOW IT LOOKS LIKE GRYFFINDOR WINS THE HOUSE CUP AGAIN!" the headmaster bellowed. From under his robe, twenty legs stretched out and started to curbstomp every Slytherin f------ s--- into the table. Broken teeth clattered on the floor, drops of blood spread over the fine oak. "WHAT'S WRONG, SLYTHERIN? EVERY REACTION HAS AN EQUAL AND OPPOSITE REACTION AFTER ALL! FOR EVERY GRYFFINDOR THAT CAN ADD, ONE HUNDRED OF YOU DEGENERATES MUST BE SUBTRACTED!" >After one hundred Slytherin students were gruesomely killed, all but two of Dumbledore's legs retreated into his robe. >"Would the remaining Slytherins meet me in my bedchambers tonight?" Dumbledore calmly concluded. "I have another leg to tend to." >>201680953 # >>201685369 # >>201685591 # >>201697469 #

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