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Anon loves his dad | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous E 07/23/21(Fri)21:36:08 No.564823574 >be me >early millenial >dad gen xer >he used to play games as a young father of 23 years >even beat half life on hard >he has to take on more 144 KB PNG responsibility at work to afford being a single father >stops playing games but always gets me Nintendo stuff to keep my attention at home alone >surprises me with snes, n64, gamecube, wii through the years >my favorite thing is playing video games because that's what I did growing up besides playing with friends >hes much older now with a cozy easy construction position >randomly decides to get back into games several years ago >it's movie games but my dad is always asking me about the latest games and consoles now It came full circle bros, make sure to tell your dad you love them
: Anonymous E 07/23/21(Fri)21:36:08 No.564823574 >be me >early millenial >dad gen xer >he used to play games as a young father of 23 years >even beat half life on hard >he has to take on more 144 KB PNG responsibility at work to afford being a single father >stops playing games but always gets me Nintendo stuff to keep my attention at home alone >surprises me with snes, n64, gamecube, wii through the years >my favorite thing is playing video games because that's what I did growing up besides playing with friends >hes much older now with a cozy easy construction position >randomly decides to get back into games several years ago >it's movie games but my dad is always asking me about the latest games and consoles now It came full circle bros, make sure to tell your dad you love them

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Anon has a fetish | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/24/20(Mon)15:06:50 No.834800792 >getting into piss fetish >tugging my gherkin looking at some sweet pee pee pron >see people drink piss >ThatsHawt.png >consider drinking it myself 6 KB JPG >f--- it >it's taste test time >wee in a cup >put that golden body liquor to my lips >tastes sweet >weird but nice >google sweet urine >find tons of sources saying that only happens because of diabeetus >OH F--- OH S--- OH F--- >mfw I have to go to the doctor to ask for a diabetes test and he asks me why I think I need it Wut do /b/? : Anonymous 08/24/20(Mon)15:14:02 No.834801168 Fat f---, hope they cut off your feet
: Anonymous 08/24/20(Mon)15:06:50 No.834800792 >getting into piss fetish >tugging my gherkin looking at some sweet pee pee pron >see people drink piss >ThatsHawt.png >consider drinking it myself 6 KB JPG >f--- it >it's taste test time >wee in a cup >put that golden body liquor to my lips >tastes sweet >weird but nice >google sweet urine >find tons of sources saying that only happens because of diabeetus >OH F--- OH S--- OH F--- >mfw I have to go to the doctor to ask for a diabetes test and he asks me why I think I need it Wut do /b/? : Anonymous 08/24/20(Mon)15:14:02 No.834801168 Fat f---, hope they cut off your feet

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Anon feels down | /r/Greentext

File: EAB7F2EB-DA46-4C18-A32F-9(..).png (7 KB, 225x225) O Anonymous 12/16/20(Wed)17:33:51 No.842461255 >>842461463 >>84 >be me >sad and s--- bc roommates kicked me out >had to move someplace out of town >living by myself >hear foxes screaming all the time, dumb bitch next door feeds them >so bummed out after work, don't even wanna play vidya >all I do is sit on my phone for hours on end >sleep deprived because of lack of exercise and l'm on my phone too much >one night I go down bar >drink, try and pick up 7/10 >missionfailed.wav >thought I was a junky >ffs >sitting outside bar on the curb >some chad walks by with his protein shake >it's like eight at night w-- >asks me why l'm so bummed out sitting by the road >tell him my life's a mess, dropped out of college, can't get gf, new flat etc >puts his arm on my shoulder and says to me >hey man dont worry we'll getcha sorted >tell him f--- you, my life is falling apart don't tell me not to worry >he takes out his earphones and drops his gym bag next to me >looks me dead in the eye >ohfuckohfuckohfuck >picks me up by the shoulder and points at me >moustache appears on his face and four other men form around him >young man >there's no need to feel down >I said young man >pick yourself off the ground >l said young man >cause your in a new town >there's no need to be unhappy Anonymous 12/16/20(Wed)17:38:22 No.842461463 >>842461255 (OP) Kek, good one op Anonymous 12/16/20(Wed)17:41:43 No.842461611 >>842461255 (OP) I don't get it O Anonymous 12/16/20(Wed)17:46:49 No.842461836 File: 1608139245994.gif (14 KB, 112x112) >>842461255 (OP) >checked and kekked F--- me, I'm 34 and all this time I thought they were saying Yo man
File: EAB7F2EB-DA46-4C18-A32F-9(..).png (7 KB, 225x225) O Anonymous 12/16/20(Wed)17:33:51 No.842461255 >>842461463 >>84 >be me >sad and s--- bc roommates kicked me out >had to move someplace out of town >living by myself >hear foxes screaming all the time, dumb bitch next door feeds them >so bummed out after work, don't even wanna play vidya >all I do is sit on my phone for hours on end >sleep deprived because of lack of exercise and l'm on my phone too much >one night I go down bar >drink, try and pick up 7/10 >missionfailed.wav >thought I was a junky >ffs >sitting outside bar on the curb >some chad walks by with his protein shake >it's like eight at night w-- >asks me why l'm so bummed out sitting by the road >tell him my life's a mess, dropped out of college, can't get gf, new flat etc >puts his arm on my shoulder and says to me >hey man dont worry we'll getcha sorted >tell him f--- you, my life is falling apart don't tell me not to worry >he takes out his earphones and drops his gym bag next to me >looks me dead in the eye >ohfuckohfuckohfuck >picks me up by the shoulder and points at me >moustache appears on his face and four other men form around him >young man >there's no need to feel down >I said young man >pick yourself off the ground >l said young man >cause your in a new town >there's no need to be unhappy Anonymous 12/16/20(Wed)17:38:22 No.842461463 >>842461255 (OP) Kek, good one op Anonymous 12/16/20(Wed)17:41:43 No.842461611 >>842461255 (OP) I don't get it O Anonymous 12/16/20(Wed)17:46:49 No.842461836 File: 1608139245994.gif (14 KB, 112x112) >>842461255 (OP) >checked and kekked F--- me, I'm 34 and all this time I thought they were saying Yo man

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anon cheats | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous cheating 07/23/21(Fri)17:29:35 No.24625011 475949D6-01C9-4FF9-9607-F80D592AC6CE.jpg 58 KB JPG >be me >cheat on gf >hoe i cheated with ghosts me >sad what do?
: Anonymous cheating 07/23/21(Fri)17:29:35 No.24625011 475949D6-01C9-4FF9-9607-F80D592AC6CE.jpg 58 KB JPG >be me >cheat on gf >hoe i cheated with ghosts me >sad what do?

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Anon is funnier than Amy Schumer | /r/Greentext

File: 551418EE-3F5F-495D-AC10-A(...).jpg (492 KB, 1004x752) O Anonymous 07/23/21(Fri)23:42:25 No.859575859 >be me >a comedian >gets introduced to crowd, ready to start routine >says "guess what?" >crowd replies "what?" >"chicken butt" >routine over >leaves
File: 551418EE-3F5F-495D-AC10-A(...).jpg (492 KB, 1004x752) O Anonymous 07/23/21(Fri)23:42:25 No.859575859 >be me >a comedian >gets introduced to crowd, ready to start routine >says "guess what?" >crowd replies "what?" >"chicken butt" >routine over >leaves

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Easy proposal | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/24/21(Sat)06:31:14 No.64692433 >400 word essay due Wednesday >still haven't started it SEX: MILD SUFFERING 77 KB JPG : Anonymous 07/24/21(Sat)06:32:51 No.64692447 >400 word essay With all due respect: You still in middle school? If so are you female and will you have sex with me? >>64692459 # >>64692487 #
: Anonymous 07/24/21(Sat)06:31:14 No.64692433 >400 word essay due Wednesday >still haven't started it SEX: MILD SUFFERING 77 KB JPG : Anonymous 07/24/21(Sat)06:32:51 No.64692447 >400 word essay With all due respect: You still in middle school? If so are you female and will you have sex with me? >>64692459 # >>64692487 #

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Anon goes to discord dating servers | /r/Greentext

>no gf >desperate for any kind of attention from females >go on disboard >look for dating servers >chat up some girls >they all either ghost me or are more 81 KB JPG interested in someone else >feel like roping to stop the pain Some time later >go on another dating server with a new plan >pretend to be female >act like obnoxious e thot >all the boys are chatting me up >also say l'm bi/pan >girls start dming me >I have so much confidence because I'm not scared of f------ things up because l'm here to troll >start connecting with a girl >finally tell her lI'm actually a guy >she's cool with it and doesn't mind >bitch f------ ghosts me later You see guys, being a girl or pretending to be one makes puts the daring scene on easy mode for you. But when you're a guy everything is f------ awful
>no gf >desperate for any kind of attention from females >go on disboard >look for dating servers >chat up some girls >they all either ghost me or are more 81 KB JPG interested in someone else >feel like roping to stop the pain Some time later >go on another dating server with a new plan >pretend to be female >act like obnoxious e thot >all the boys are chatting me up >also say l'm bi/pan >girls start dming me >I have so much confidence because I'm not scared of f------ things up because l'm here to troll >start connecting with a girl >finally tell her lI'm actually a guy >she's cool with it and doesn't mind >bitch f------ ghosts me later You see guys, being a girl or pretending to be one makes puts the daring scene on easy mode for you. But when you're a guy everything is f------ awful

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Anon made mistake | /r/Greentext

>be me, redditor >browsing r/greentext >"ummm why do i have to watch greentexts on another site begin copied to reddit" 24 KB JPG >opens 4chan /b/ >proceeds to get mentally scarred >l have seen so much p--- its boring, might be asexual now >l also hate woman DONT BROWSE 4CHAN you redditors watching this on r/greentext
>be me, redditor >browsing r/greentext >"ummm why do i have to watch greentexts on another site begin copied to reddit" 24 KB JPG >opens 4chan /b/ >proceeds to get mentally scarred >l have seen so much p--- its boring, might be asexual now >l also hate woman DONT BROWSE 4CHAN you redditors watching this on r/greentext

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Anon is bored | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: FZCUZKPD)E 07/23/21(Fri)08:42:18 No.331132273 >>331131940 (OP) # >le nazi bad >le communist bad why are polish so boring?
: Anonymous (ID: FZCUZKPD)E 07/23/21(Fri)08:42:18 No.331132273 >>331131940 (OP) # >le nazi bad >le communist bad why are polish so boring?

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Anon has antifa parents | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/23/21(Fri)22:02:41 No.859574129 Oyste Bouse atiqu GOOD NI ARIDE WHITE P AITFASCION ACTION 4742B8B6-6637-4F30-AF21-9FEA51E253F5.jpg 384 KB JPG >be me >about to be born >hopefully I will become a reasonable person >my parents are self-proclaimed antifa supersoldiers Guys I'm gonna f------ kms as soon as possible 11 PIGHT HITE
: Anonymous 07/23/21(Fri)22:02:41 No.859574129 Oyste Bouse atiqu GOOD NI ARIDE WHITE P AITFASCION ACTION 4742B8B6-6637-4F30-AF21-9FEA51E253F5.jpg 384 KB JPG >be me >about to be born >hopefully I will become a reasonable person >my parents are self-proclaimed antifa supersoldiers Guys I'm gonna f------ kms as soon as possible 11 PIGHT HITE

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Anon is going to be a father | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/24/21(Sat)12:21:22 No.64691889 >be me >24 years old kissless virgin >apply to be a sperm donor at local fertility center >pass all clinical test and somehow make it through the interview with the psychologist 155 KB JPG >sign a contract to c-- inside a test tube 6 times per month and get paid for it >got contacted today >someone is unironically interested in impregnating his wife with my seed >mfw
: Anonymous 07/24/21(Sat)12:21:22 No.64691889 >be me >24 years old kissless virgin >apply to be a sperm donor at local fertility center >pass all clinical test and somehow make it through the interview with the psychologist 155 KB JPG >sign a contract to c-- inside a test tube 6 times per month and get paid for it >got contacted today >someone is unironically interested in impregnating his wife with my seed >mfw

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Stricken from the record | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/23/21(Fri)15:06:44 No.64684390 >tfw you realize you are never going to be accepted as a respectable human being because your name is striker 484 КВ GIF
: Anonymous 07/23/21(Fri)15:06:44 No.64684390 >tfw you realize you are never going to be accepted as a respectable human being because your name is striker 484 КВ GIF

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Anon has questions about hogwarts | /r/Greentext

1625120813639.png, 518KIB, 760x573 Anonymous Sun 18 Jul 2021 14:20:54 No.153792106 View >153792008 >"Welcome students, welcome to another year here at Hogwarts. To our first years I have a few notices I wish to announce. An unmarked, random room in this castle will kill anyone entering it. It is such because I decided to hide an extremely dangerous and powerful artifact at this institution for children. Please also note that if you enter the school's forest, it will be a very painful and certain death from the dozens of ferocious creatures roaming it." >"Despite being the safest place in the world for wizards, there is a coin flip's chance that one of my employees this year is on a first-name basis with the most evil wizard in living memory. I am of course speaking of VOLDEMORT. Yes, I said his name. I am not scared for my life, but you should be. Which one is it this year? Personally, my bet is on Professor Snape." >"| am also pleased to announce that the quinquennial Death Tournament will be held this year. The three underage contestants will endure three deadly trials for no other reason than my personal amusement. I encourage anyone from monetarily struggling families to enter so that you can recover from the outrageously expensive and gratuitous equipment we require you to purchase to attend this school. You don't want your family to starve do you? So please enter! Speaking from experience, casualties are frequent and amusing." >"Lastly I need to address the elephant in the room, or rather the snake in the room. I personally distrust and loathe the members of Slytherin House, and as such, if Slytherin wins the House Cup through effort and hard work, I will overthrow the result by giving arbitrary points to whatever house I feel like." >As the students get out of their seats and scramble out of the main hall, Dumbledore looks across the teachers' table with a mocking grin. >"Severus, see me at my office immediately. We need to discuss your Lily-cuckold situation."
1625120813639.png, 518KIB, 760x573 Anonymous Sun 18 Jul 2021 14:20:54 No.153792106 View >153792008 >"Welcome students, welcome to another year here at Hogwarts. To our first years I have a few notices I wish to announce. An unmarked, random room in this castle will kill anyone entering it. It is such because I decided to hide an extremely dangerous and powerful artifact at this institution for children. Please also note that if you enter the school's forest, it will be a very painful and certain death from the dozens of ferocious creatures roaming it." >"Despite being the safest place in the world for wizards, there is a coin flip's chance that one of my employees this year is on a first-name basis with the most evil wizard in living memory. I am of course speaking of VOLDEMORT. Yes, I said his name. I am not scared for my life, but you should be. Which one is it this year? Personally, my bet is on Professor Snape." >"| am also pleased to announce that the quinquennial Death Tournament will be held this year. The three underage contestants will endure three deadly trials for no other reason than my personal amusement. I encourage anyone from monetarily struggling families to enter so that you can recover from the outrageously expensive and gratuitous equipment we require you to purchase to attend this school. You don't want your family to starve do you? So please enter! Speaking from experience, casualties are frequent and amusing." >"Lastly I need to address the elephant in the room, or rather the snake in the room. I personally distrust and loathe the members of Slytherin House, and as such, if Slytherin wins the House Cup through effort and hard work, I will overthrow the result by giving arbitrary points to whatever house I feel like." >As the students get out of their seats and scramble out of the main hall, Dumbledore looks across the teachers' table with a mocking grin. >"Severus, see me at my office immediately. We need to discuss your Lily-cuckold situation."

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Anon gives a solution | /r/Greentext

>tfw you can see your mom is getting older and older >tfw that crippling feeling when you know that one day you will lose her How do I cope? 48 KB JPG 5 Replies / 1 Image View Thread : Anonymous 07/23/18(Mon)14:31:48 No.47001025 >>47001005 (OP) # Kill yourself before she dies.
>tfw you can see your mom is getting older and older >tfw that crippling feeling when you know that one day you will lose her How do I cope? 48 KB JPG 5 Replies / 1 Image View Thread : Anonymous 07/23/18(Mon)14:31:48 No.47001025 >>47001005 (OP) # Kill yourself before she dies.

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Anon is not an intellectual | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/21/18(Wed)19:48:00 No.10877907 >reading Plato on the subway >Parmenides, struggling to understand >black guy next to me glances over >"Are you an intellectual ?" >"Not really." >"That's why you read Plato" >he smiles and leaves a few stations later >come home and try thinking of comebacks in the shower what the f--- >>10877947 # >>10882371 #
: Anonymous 03/21/18(Wed)19:48:00 No.10877907 >reading Plato on the subway >Parmenides, struggling to understand >black guy next to me glances over >"Are you an intellectual ?" >"Not really." >"That's why you read Plato" >he smiles and leaves a few stations later >come home and try thinking of comebacks in the shower what the f--- >>10877947 # >>10882371 #

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"One of their young" | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: V+cdTMB1) 11/11/14(Tue)05:49:31 No.578820617 File: Screen Shot 2014-11-11 at(...)png (179 KB, 310x294) greentxt time > be me at age 8 > always hung out around woods by playground where i grew up > thought i was too cool for the playground > one day decide to "booby-trap" the playground's sandbox BAP > dig 3' diameter hole to bottom of sand > gather epic trap supplies from woods > lay near perfectly-spaced grid of long, thin sticks on top of hole > weave giant fern leaves on top of sticks > delicately cover with sand again > mymasterpiece.jpg > hang out on swing, waiting for victims > get impatient and go home > go to playground next day > group of mom's circling my now broken trap > one of their young has fallen in. victory is mine > hear them say "a child couldn't have done this" > "must have been some loser teenagers" > realize i'm a god damn evil genius at the age of 8 > mfw
Anonymous (ID: V+cdTMB1) 11/11/14(Tue)05:49:31 No.578820617 File: Screen Shot 2014-11-11 at(...)png (179 KB, 310x294) greentxt time > be me at age 8 > always hung out around woods by playground where i grew up > thought i was too cool for the playground > one day decide to "booby-trap" the playground's sandbox BAP > dig 3' diameter hole to bottom of sand > gather epic trap supplies from woods > lay near perfectly-spaced grid of long, thin sticks on top of hole > weave giant fern leaves on top of sticks > delicately cover with sand again > mymasterpiece.jpg > hang out on swing, waiting for victims > get impatient and go home > go to playground next day > group of mom's circling my now broken trap > one of their young has fallen in. victory is mine > hear them say "a child couldn't have done this" > "must have been some loser teenagers" > realize i'm a god damn evil genius at the age of 8 > mfw

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Men only want one thing and it's disgusting | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 11/24/14(Mon)04:45:10 No.14818808 >held bf in bed last night >"I like when you hold me" >tfw he started crying >tfw rubbing his back and kissing his hair while he sobs into my chest >tfw he kept saying sorry and I had to tell him over and over that it was ok 326 KB PNG >tfw he asked me not to leave him >tfw never leaving him Was a weird experience, never had a man cry in my arms before All I felt was love and a need to protect him
Anonymous 11/24/14(Mon)04:45:10 No.14818808 >held bf in bed last night >"I like when you hold me" >tfw he started crying >tfw rubbing his back and kissing his hair while he sobs into my chest >tfw he kept saying sorry and I had to tell him over and over that it was ok 326 KB PNG >tfw he asked me not to leave him >tfw never leaving him Was a weird experience, never had a man cry in my arms before All I felt was love and a need to protect him

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Anon is in the cleaning business | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: yk738S8S ) 07/24/21(Sat)00:41:32 No.39122830 >work as a Hygiene Technician >company is contracted by several fast food restaurants >many of them opened in the recent weeks >arrive at a Burger King because apparently someone trashed the 845 KB PNG stalls >they lead me to the toilet stalls and I see that someone has written "SEX" multiple times with their poop on the walls >toiletpaper is soaked in piss >you can smell the piss everywhere and he used that turd like a pencil >bring the pressure washer and blast poop from walls >clean everything which took like 2 hours >couple weeks later the same thing happens but in a different public toilet >he wrote ASS SEX this time and I recognize his handwriting what is his problem and how is it fair that I only get 10 bucks an hour for this?
: Anonymous (ID: yk738S8S ) 07/24/21(Sat)00:41:32 No.39122830 >work as a Hygiene Technician >company is contracted by several fast food restaurants >many of them opened in the recent weeks >arrive at a Burger King because apparently someone trashed the 845 KB PNG stalls >they lead me to the toilet stalls and I see that someone has written "SEX" multiple times with their poop on the walls >toiletpaper is soaked in piss >you can smell the piss everywhere and he used that turd like a pencil >bring the pressure washer and blast poop from walls >clean everything which took like 2 hours >couple weeks later the same thing happens but in a different public toilet >he wrote ASS SEX this time and I recognize his handwriting what is his problem and how is it fair that I only get 10 bucks an hour for this?

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Anon has a cool uncle | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/23/21(Fri)19:38:31 No.859570461 > be me > at family gathering > on my phone, antisocial f-- > cool uncle walks up to me, asks what I'm doing > ohshit.png > "just scrolling" 72 KB PNG > switches tabs so he doesn't see 4chan > mfw I just switched to my gay p--- tab
: Anonymous 07/23/21(Fri)19:38:31 No.859570461 > be me > at family gathering > on my phone, antisocial f-- > cool uncle walks up to me, asks what I'm doing > ohshit.png > "just scrolling" 72 KB PNG > switches tabs so he doesn't see 4chan > mfw I just switched to my gay p--- tab

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Snitches get stitches. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 2/19(Tue)23:18:58 No.794842283 >be me >beta jew >have a close group of friends >i always feel left out though >one guy is most popular guy in our area 191 KB JPG >smart, charismatic, basically a god >start to get p----- off and jealous of him >find out he's in trouble with the local authorities for some random bs >decide to snitch on him >go to the cops, they give me a big ass reward >shekeltime.jpg >later we're all getting some food together >he says he knows there's a snitch in the friend group >oshit >try to play it cool >the next day the cops make me bring them to him so they can arrest him >he ends up getting the death penalty >w-- >feel really guilty and try to return my reward >cops tell me to f--- off >i end up killing myself out of guilt >three days later he rises from the dead >he's literally god >mfw i snitched on god
: Anonymous 2/19(Tue)23:18:58 No.794842283 >be me >beta jew >have a close group of friends >i always feel left out though >one guy is most popular guy in our area 191 KB JPG >smart, charismatic, basically a god >start to get p----- off and jealous of him >find out he's in trouble with the local authorities for some random bs >decide to snitch on him >go to the cops, they give me a big ass reward >shekeltime.jpg >later we're all getting some food together >he says he knows there's a snitch in the friend group >oshit >try to play it cool >the next day the cops make me bring them to him so they can arrest him >he ends up getting the death penalty >w-- >feel really guilty and try to return my reward >cops tell me to f--- off >i end up killing myself out of guilt >three days later he rises from the dead >he's literally god >mfw i snitched on god

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