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HIYAAAAHH! | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/19/21(Sun)11:02:10 No.863397023 Imagine getting arrested by Link. It'd be hilarious watching him struggle to read your rights. >You >h-have 75 KB JPG >the >r-r-ri-HIYAAAHH! >KWAYUGGH! >YAH! >t-t-t-t-t-to remHASOYAH! FUCKYEAAH!! Then after all that you find out you're going to the shadow temple for all eternity. Hyrule is a f------ roller coaster.
: Anonymous 09/19/21(Sun)11:02:10 No.863397023 Imagine getting arrested by Link. It'd be hilarious watching him struggle to read your rights. >You >h-have 75 KB JPG >the >r-r-ri-HIYAAAHH! >KWAYUGGH! >YAH! >t-t-t-t-t-to remHASOYAH! FUCKYEAAH!! Then after all that you find out you're going to the shadow temple for all eternity. Hyrule is a f------ roller coaster.

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Anon is enlightened | /r/Greentext

No. 65436800 09/19/21(Sun)01:30:13 images.jpg 7 KB 194x259 >be me >can't get girlfriend >depressed and jealous every time I see a 10/10 >train my brain to hate women, and despise them >now I don't care about them one bit Your turn, ladies 2 replies, 0 images
No. 65436800 09/19/21(Sun)01:30:13 images.jpg 7 KB 194x259 >be me >can't get girlfriend >depressed and jealous every time I see a 10/10 >train my brain to hate women, and despise them >now I don't care about them one bit Your turn, ladies 2 replies, 0 images

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It’s That Easy | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/18/21(Sat)23:03:53 No.65437014 >start to jokingly flirt with females I know >some of them think l'm serious >they start to get more in contact with me >one of them confesses to me >all of that because I tought it was normal to jokingly flirt with women 8 KB JPG How do I put her down while not looking like an a------? I'm not good looking and tought girls only looked for chads and so on and so forth
: Anonymous 09/18/21(Sat)23:03:53 No.65437014 >start to jokingly flirt with females I know >some of them think l'm serious >they start to get more in contact with me >one of them confesses to me >all of that because I tought it was normal to jokingly flirt with women 8 KB JPG How do I put her down while not looking like an a------? I'm not good looking and tought girls only looked for chads and so on and so forth

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The Deep, Dark Secret | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/18/21(Sat)22:40:41 No.65436879 >be me >get dm from random internet stranger >ask them why they are talking to me >they are bored and like meeting new people >time passes, get to know them more and i 14 KB PNG enjoy talking with them too >they volunteer at suicide prevention call center >tells me about how much they love to help people >tells me to open up to them about anything if i want to vent or need someone to talk to >i warn them if i actually did it will just ruin the relationship >they ensure me that they've heard everything and nothing will be too much >one day i decide to open up about something personal >i tell them about my attraction to little girls >they tell me to get professional help >they say they'll still talk with me but are going offline now >"Your message could not be delivered. This is usually because you don't share a server with the recipient or the recipient is only accepting direct messages from friends."
: Anonymous 09/18/21(Sat)22:40:41 No.65436879 >be me >get dm from random internet stranger >ask them why they are talking to me >they are bored and like meeting new people >time passes, get to know them more and i 14 KB PNG enjoy talking with them too >they volunteer at suicide prevention call center >tells me about how much they love to help people >tells me to open up to them about anything if i want to vent or need someone to talk to >i warn them if i actually did it will just ruin the relationship >they ensure me that they've heard everything and nothing will be too much >one day i decide to open up about something personal >i tell them about my attraction to little girls >they tell me to get professional help >they say they'll still talk with me but are going offline now >"Your message could not be delivered. This is usually because you don't share a server with the recipient or the recipient is only accepting direct messages from friends."

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Anon loses pills | /r/Greentext

Ir9k/ Anonymous mom found out my peepee proble(...) 04/08/21(Thu)22:31:41 No.63121036 >be me >very nervous >crippling anxiety makes it impossible to keep an erection infront of a woman >go to the psychiatrist >she gives me tadalafil pills (just 9 KB JPG better viagra) >save them >forget where i saved them >look around for an hour, no clue where they are >think mom saved them >ask mom where did she put the "orange pills" >"what are those orange pills for anon"? >"I.. Uh... I uh uhm have you seen them or not?" >"ANON WHAT ARE THOSE PILLS FOR" >Almost crying from shame, say the truth >"... So have you seen them?" >"No" >Give it one more shot before giving up >look under my bed >The pills are there I just. I can't. Maybe I shouldn't be able to reproduce, being this retarded
Ir9k/ Anonymous mom found out my peepee proble(...) 04/08/21(Thu)22:31:41 No.63121036 >be me >very nervous >crippling anxiety makes it impossible to keep an erection infront of a woman >go to the psychiatrist >she gives me tadalafil pills (just 9 KB JPG better viagra) >save them >forget where i saved them >look around for an hour, no clue where they are >think mom saved them >ask mom where did she put the "orange pills" >"what are those orange pills for anon"? >"I.. Uh... I uh uhm have you seen them or not?" >"ANON WHAT ARE THOSE PILLS FOR" >Almost crying from shame, say the truth >"... So have you seen them?" >"No" >Give it one more shot before giving up >look under my bed >The pills are there I just. I can't. Maybe I shouldn't be able to reproduce, being this retarded

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Anon is enjoying his life | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/24/18(Tue)03:04:18 No.775181071 > be me > 2003 or so > go to mcd while high for some nice latenight food with my best pal > we both high af >i order tendies for us to share 64 KB PNG > we share them outside looking at the dark night sky > he asks what meaning of life is > idk bro what do u think > "Apart from all the science of were we come from, i think my life is just gonna be me chillin and enjoying the good emotions i feel, just like rn when im with my best bud" > mfw i realised life is what u make of it
: Anonymous 07/24/18(Tue)03:04:18 No.775181071 > be me > 2003 or so > go to mcd while high for some nice latenight food with my best pal > we both high af >i order tendies for us to share 64 KB PNG > we share them outside looking at the dark night sky > he asks what meaning of life is > idk bro what do u think > "Apart from all the science of were we come from, i think my life is just gonna be me chillin and enjoying the good emotions i feel, just like rn when im with my best bud" > mfw i realised life is what u make of it

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Dhar Mann makes a greentext | /r/Greentext

[Advertise on 4chan] turn] [Catalog] [Bottom] e: download (1).jpg (40 KB, 652x642) O Anonymous 03/20/21(Sat)15:21:33 No.6283676: >be me >walking down street >see bullies break this kids glasses >run over to them >HEY! What are you doing to that kid????? >Bullies say "Just rough housing" >Guys you can't do that >So you see.. . >Talk to them about my experiences >You see, thats why you shouldn't be mean to him >Bullies look sorry >Walk away >Bullies start beating the kid up again >I did a good thing
[Advertise on 4chan] turn] [Catalog] [Bottom] e: download (1).jpg (40 KB, 652x642) O Anonymous 03/20/21(Sat)15:21:33 No.6283676: >be me >walking down street >see bullies break this kids glasses >run over to them >HEY! What are you doing to that kid????? >Bullies say "Just rough housing" >Guys you can't do that >So you see.. . >Talk to them about my experiences >You see, thats why you shouldn't be mean to him >Bullies look sorry >Walk away >Bullies start beating the kid up again >I did a good thing

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Anon and the /g/tard experience | /r/Greentext

5h (9/19 11:23) ·83444989 6 Re 1 Img JPG 319KB (72O × 700) 1 Reply >N-N-NO! You don't understand! Zuckerberg and the glowniggers are like gonna show up at my door any day now if I stop running everything through a quantum encrypted virtualized tails OS machine that auto-wipes itself every 12 hours!!!!
5h (9/19 11:23) ·83444989 6 Re 1 Img JPG 319KB (72O × 700) 1 Reply >N-N-NO! You don't understand! Zuckerberg and the glowniggers are like gonna show up at my door any day now if I stop running everything through a quantum encrypted virtualized tails OS machine that auto-wipes itself every 12 hours!!!!

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Can't relate | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/19/21(Sun)06:47:53 No.65438764 >wake up next morning >hungover >immediate thoughts 'oh f--- what s--- did i do last night that i regret' >rapidly search my memories >"embarrassing_memory.mp4 not 66 KB JPG found" >turns out i had a good night and didn't do anything i regret >feels good. how has your weekend been robots?
: Anonymous 09/19/21(Sun)06:47:53 No.65438764 >wake up next morning >hungover >immediate thoughts 'oh f--- what s--- did i do last night that i regret' >rapidly search my memories >"embarrassing_memory.mp4 not 66 KB JPG found" >turns out i had a good night and didn't do anything i regret >feels good. how has your weekend been robots?

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Instructions required | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/19/21(Sun)08:09:24 No.65439323 >have to do a presentation in front of class >nervous >remember hearing that you should think of everyone in their underwear because it'll make you 360 KB PNG less nervous for some retarded reason >get a boner I want to die
: Anonymous 09/19/21(Sun)08:09:24 No.65439323 >have to do a presentation in front of class >nervous >remember hearing that you should think of everyone in their underwear because it'll make you 360 KB PNG less nervous for some retarded reason >get a boner I want to die

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Anon’s first date | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 10/26/14(Sun)23:45:49 No.29298147 >ask girl out on a date >she says yes >ask her what time her dad can drive us to the movies >she just gives me a blank stare 153 KB JPG >ok well you guys should pick me up around 7 >give her fist bump and run home in excitement >her and her dad pick me up around 7 >no one says a word on the way there >he drops us off >as I'm getting out of the car I stop and ask him for the money for the movie >he just stares at me >politely inform him movies don't grow on trees >he gives me $30 >l clear my throat and keep my hand out >he gives me another $10 >l roll my eyes and "thanks, guy" really sarcastically >girl I asked out is looking super embarrassed >get to the ticket window >did your dad give you any money for the movie? >she looks like she's about to cry >well you should call him because he only gave me enough for myself and some food >we didn't go on a second date
Anonymous 10/26/14(Sun)23:45:49 No.29298147 >ask girl out on a date >she says yes >ask her what time her dad can drive us to the movies >she just gives me a blank stare 153 KB JPG >ok well you guys should pick me up around 7 >give her fist bump and run home in excitement >her and her dad pick me up around 7 >no one says a word on the way there >he drops us off >as I'm getting out of the car I stop and ask him for the money for the movie >he just stares at me >politely inform him movies don't grow on trees >he gives me $30 >l clear my throat and keep my hand out >he gives me another $10 >l roll my eyes and "thanks, guy" really sarcastically >girl I asked out is looking super embarrassed >get to the ticket window >did your dad give you any money for the movie? >she looks like she's about to cry >well you should call him because he only gave me enough for myself and some food >we didn't go on a second date

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Anon remembers to share | /r/Greentext

story time /b/ >be me >9 years old and in 4th grade >my 2 closest friends were a pair of twins >they're muslim >one day at lunch i had pizza rolls 79 KB PNG >one of them asks "hey anon, can we have a pizza roll" >i gladly give them one >fast forward to now and me being 15 >i realize my mom only gave me pepperoni pizza rolls >i gave them pork >mfw i gave them a ticket straight to hell
story time /b/ >be me >9 years old and in 4th grade >my 2 closest friends were a pair of twins >they're muslim >one day at lunch i had pizza rolls 79 KB PNG >one of them asks "hey anon, can we have a pizza roll" >i gladly give them one >fast forward to now and me being 15 >i realize my mom only gave me pepperoni pizza rolls >i gave them pork >mfw i gave them a ticket straight to hell

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Anon looks like Michael | /r/Greentext

File: downloadfile-601.jpg (29 KB, 474x751) O Anonymous 09/18/21(Sat)22:39:04 No.65435281 [Reply >talking with coworkers >somehow the topic of GTA comes up >"hey anon you kinda look like Micheal haha" what did he mean by this. Good or bad? O Anonymous 09/18/21(Sat)22:40:05 No.65435289 File: 1631906920642.png (15 KB, 190x200) ITS OVER >>65435281 (OP) You and I both know what that means
File: downloadfile-601.jpg (29 KB, 474x751) O Anonymous 09/18/21(Sat)22:39:04 No.65435281 [Reply >talking with coworkers >somehow the topic of GTA comes up >"hey anon you kinda look like Micheal haha" what did he mean by this. Good or bad? O Anonymous 09/18/21(Sat)22:40:05 No.65435289 File: 1631906920642.png (15 KB, 190x200) ITS OVER >>65435281 (OP) You and I both know what that means

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/tv/ discusses water | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/19/21(Sun)01:07:00 No.156497989 >clear >zero calories >no taste >source of all life Hack writing 20 KB JPG
: Anonymous 09/19/21(Sun)01:07:00 No.156497989 >clear >zero calories >no taste >source of all life Hack writing 20 KB JPG

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Anon gives a history lesson | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/07/19(Sun)00:05:50 No.804036790 >Mao sees birds eat grains >he tells 1 billion chinks to kill all the birds in China so that the birds won't eat their grains anymore >1 billion chinks kill all the birds in China 20 KB JPG >with no more birds, the insect population explodes in China >the insects eat all the grains >45 million chinks starve to death https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Four_Pests_Campaign >Mao needs steel to make buildings >he tells 1 billion chinks to stop farming and working, and instead to melt down all their metal to produce steel >1 billion chinks gather every single piece of metal in sight, including farming tools, pots, and pans >1 billion chinks chop down every single tree in sight to fuel the furnaces, and even tear down their own houses to provide more wood >in the end, 1 billion chinks produce millions of tons of useless pig iron that is completely unusable >1 billion chinks now have no homes to live in, no tools to use for farming, no pots to cook food, no wood to heat the pots, and no food to eat because the insects helped themselves to it with no birds to worry about China. The Chinese really are the stupidest m------------ in history.
: Anonymous 07/07/19(Sun)00:05:50 No.804036790 >Mao sees birds eat grains >he tells 1 billion chinks to kill all the birds in China so that the birds won't eat their grains anymore >1 billion chinks kill all the birds in China 20 KB JPG >with no more birds, the insect population explodes in China >the insects eat all the grains >45 million chinks starve to death https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Four_Pests_Campaign >Mao needs steel to make buildings >he tells 1 billion chinks to stop farming and working, and instead to melt down all their metal to produce steel >1 billion chinks gather every single piece of metal in sight, including farming tools, pots, and pans >1 billion chinks chop down every single tree in sight to fuel the furnaces, and even tear down their own houses to provide more wood >in the end, 1 billion chinks produce millions of tons of useless pig iron that is completely unusable >1 billion chinks now have no homes to live in, no tools to use for farming, no pots to cook food, no wood to heat the pots, and no food to eat because the insects helped themselves to it with no birds to worry about China. The Chinese really are the stupidest m------------ in history.

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POV: anon wins | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/19/21(Sun)00:35:22 No.863379283 >finds cute girl to hang out with >l develop feelings for her >she is the first person that I don't immediately want to f--- >she starts liking me back >we get together >we have a happy relationship that 5 KB JPG isn't based around sex Anons I have won life Pic unrelated
: Anonymous 09/19/21(Sun)00:35:22 No.863379283 >finds cute girl to hang out with >l develop feelings for her >she is the first person that I don't immediately want to f--- >she starts liking me back >we get together >we have a happy relationship that 5 KB JPG isn't based around sex Anons I have won life Pic unrelated

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I didn't know we were doing this | /r/Greentext

File: 1599975705409.jpg (11 KB, 250x201) Anonymous (ID: 2X10wd7z ) 09/18/21(Sat)22:42:21 No.40985703 >>40985795 >>40985949 >>40986668 >Day 19 of No Poop September
File: 1599975705409.jpg (11 KB, 250x201) Anonymous (ID: 2X10wd7z ) 09/18/21(Sat)22:42:21 No.40985703 >>40985795 >>40985949 >>40986668 >Day 19 of No Poop September

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Anon works at Subway | /r/Greentext

SELLMANNS HELLMANNS HELLMANNS REAL REAL MATUSNA Anonymous 07/03/18(Tue)23:30:44 No.46548424 >Be me >Work at subway >yesterday I had a chick come in, she told me she wanted a Veggie Delight. As I went to get the bread she asked me if I could change my gloves cause she was vegan and I had been handling meat. I did that, no problem, perfectly reasonable request. I get her bread, toast it and put all the veggies she wants on it, I start to wrap up her sandwich when she says, "can I get some mayo?" >Wut.wav >I look at her, she's looking at me, I pick up the mayo, I'm waiting for her to be like haha jk. >Nothing. >Me: "You know mayonnaise has eggs in it right?" >THIS. GIRL. JUST. STOOD. THERE. SILENT. >Vegan.exe has stopped responding >She stood there for a second. >V: "N-no it doesn't, I get mayo every time, are you sure?" >Me: "Yes ma'am, mayo has egg whites in it." >I felt so horrible, she stood there with such a distraught and defeated face, I had shattered this poor girl's world. >I had a couple people waiting so I had to get this lady out of here. >Me: "Would you like the mayo on it ma'am?" >V: "Sure, go ahead." >My life is a lie.wav >SoI gave her her mayo, wrapped her sandwich up and charged her for her sandwich, she was silent the whole time. She took her sandwich and started walking out. >Me: "Thank you for coming, have a nice day!" >She just looked at me, sighed, "yea, ll try" and walked out. >And that's the story of how I taught a vegan that mayonnaise is, in fact, not vegan.
SELLMANNS HELLMANNS HELLMANNS REAL REAL MATUSNA Anonymous 07/03/18(Tue)23:30:44 No.46548424 >Be me >Work at subway >yesterday I had a chick come in, she told me she wanted a Veggie Delight. As I went to get the bread she asked me if I could change my gloves cause she was vegan and I had been handling meat. I did that, no problem, perfectly reasonable request. I get her bread, toast it and put all the veggies she wants on it, I start to wrap up her sandwich when she says, "can I get some mayo?" >Wut.wav >I look at her, she's looking at me, I pick up the mayo, I'm waiting for her to be like haha jk. >Nothing. >Me: "You know mayonnaise has eggs in it right?" >THIS. GIRL. JUST. STOOD. THERE. SILENT. >Vegan.exe has stopped responding >She stood there for a second. >V: "N-no it doesn't, I get mayo every time, are you sure?" >Me: "Yes ma'am, mayo has egg whites in it." >I felt so horrible, she stood there with such a distraught and defeated face, I had shattered this poor girl's world. >I had a couple people waiting so I had to get this lady out of here. >Me: "Would you like the mayo on it ma'am?" >V: "Sure, go ahead." >My life is a lie.wav >SoI gave her her mayo, wrapped her sandwich up and charged her for her sandwich, she was silent the whole time. She took her sandwich and started walking out. >Me: "Thank you for coming, have a nice day!" >She just looked at me, sighed, "yea, ll try" and walked out. >And that's the story of how I taught a vegan that mayonnaise is, in fact, not vegan.

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Anon is cured | /r/Greentext


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Anon doesn’t want local drivers to hate him | /r/Greentext

>Live in Anytown, USA >Keep seeing internet ads that say stuff like "Drivers in Anytown Hate Him" >I don't want people to hate me. >Connect to internet through VPN from Moldova 88 KB JPG >Starting seeing ads that say "drivers in Moldova hate him." >F--- you Moldova, you don't even know me
>Live in Anytown, USA >Keep seeing internet ads that say stuff like "Drivers in Anytown Hate Him" >I don't want people to hate me. >Connect to internet through VPN from Moldova 88 KB JPG >Starting seeing ads that say "drivers in Moldova hate him." >F--- you Moldova, you don't even know me

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