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Before sunrise | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/11/21(Mon)23:47:20 No.864856091 >be 20 >have a bunch of oxy saved up that i got from my grandma >get buddy's 21st bday at his place >he has "cool dad" who lets us do whatever as long as we swear we wont drive drunk or anything retarded >remember drinking and then taking pills, don't remember rest >wake up parked a mile away or so in a walmart parking lot >look at my phone and text messages >i apparently texted buddy bragging about paying homeless lady 20 bucks to suck my d--- >feel my d--- in my pants, its sticky >dont even remember the b------ or the homeless person, drive back to his place in shame and collect the rest of my s--- before heading home still dont remember the phantom b------
: Anonymous 10/11/21(Mon)23:47:20 No.864856091 >be 20 >have a bunch of oxy saved up that i got from my grandma >get buddy's 21st bday at his place >he has "cool dad" who lets us do whatever as long as we swear we wont drive drunk or anything retarded >remember drinking and then taking pills, don't remember rest >wake up parked a mile away or so in a walmart parking lot >look at my phone and text messages >i apparently texted buddy bragging about paying homeless lady 20 bucks to suck my d--- >feel my d--- in my pants, its sticky >dont even remember the b------ or the homeless person, drive back to his place in shame and collect the rest of my s--- before heading home still dont remember the phantom b------

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Anon is devilish. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/12/21(Tue)10:17:17 No.65729973 Devilish Thread ITT: discuss yours' (and others') devilish acts or ideas >go to walmart >find cooking oil >undo tops and seals of a select few >away from view tip these bottles and let them drain 59 KB JPG >walk away, go to the s----- in-store burger king, wait >best case scenario, somebody discovers the spill before too long >large enough quantity that a brainless consooomer tells an employee >time passes as cleaners get their gear and show up >oil spreads >people come through and track it >cleaning crew inadvertently spreads it around further (because oil) >the Retard Games being >people start slipping and sliding >children running through the store suddenly slip and bash their heads off the linnoleum >grandma slips and breaks her hip again >i'm eating my Bacon King and LOLing all the way home
: Anonymous 10/12/21(Tue)10:17:17 No.65729973 Devilish Thread ITT: discuss yours' (and others') devilish acts or ideas >go to walmart >find cooking oil >undo tops and seals of a select few >away from view tip these bottles and let them drain 59 KB JPG >walk away, go to the s----- in-store burger king, wait >best case scenario, somebody discovers the spill before too long >large enough quantity that a brainless consooomer tells an employee >time passes as cleaners get their gear and show up >oil spreads >people come through and track it >cleaning crew inadvertently spreads it around further (because oil) >the Retard Games being >people start slipping and sliding >children running through the store suddenly slip and bash their heads off the linnoleum >grandma slips and breaks her hip again >i'm eating my Bacon King and LOLing all the way home

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Anon loves his girlfriend. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/18/20(Wed)23:20:49 No.840387190 Be prepared guys, this is a true story >be me >have qt girlfriend (I really have one) 39 KB JPG >she's a diagnosed autist >she's always amazed by me being able to give her the perfect gift every time she has birthday/it's Christmas ... >truth is it's so f------ easy to question her what she wants and she doesn't realize that I'm doing it >she's absolutely not able to read my intentions when questioning, because autism >one or two weeks before birthday I'm literally asking stuff like "are there any new books/games you'd like to have“ or "you told me about ... you liked so much, can you show me where you've seen it“ >it's so easy to make her happy >I love her
: Anonymous 11/18/20(Wed)23:20:49 No.840387190 Be prepared guys, this is a true story >be me >have qt girlfriend (I really have one) 39 KB JPG >she's a diagnosed autist >she's always amazed by me being able to give her the perfect gift every time she has birthday/it's Christmas ... >truth is it's so f------ easy to question her what she wants and she doesn't realize that I'm doing it >she's absolutely not able to read my intentions when questioning, because autism >one or two weeks before birthday I'm literally asking stuff like "are there any new books/games you'd like to have“ or "you told me about ... you liked so much, can you show me where you've seen it“ >it's so easy to make her happy >I love her

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Anon spy’s on his GF | /r/Greentext

>Be me >Suspicious of gf for last couple weeks >Her sex drive gone >Acting very defensive when I bring it up >Her stories of were shes been never add up >Always protective of her phone all of a sudden >Over hear her talking on phone one day when I get home >Talking about when l'll be gone over night >Hella suspicions now HD WIFI clock camera >Order hidden camera >Set it up over the weekend >I'm away tonight and hoping I find nothing on camera whe U Anonymous 10/12/21(Tue)12:52:47 No.864873520 >>864873595 >>864873626 >>864873629 >>864873633 >>864873666 >>864873674 >>864873734 >>864873743 >>864873744 >>864873770 >>864873871 >>864873914 >>864873975 >>864873995 >>864874025 >>864874033 >>864874095 >>864874178 >>864874278 >>864874289 >>864874302 >>864874331 >>864874424 >>864874479 >>864874482 >>864874533 UPDATE! >Be Me >Anon who was suspicious of his gf >Set up hidden camera while I was gone >Arrived home late >She was already in bed >l grabbed camera without her noticing >Told her was going for shower >Let shower run and reviewed the footage >Skimmed through it nothing out of the ordinary >Think to myself that I'm just paranoid >She her walking in and out just >Then my heart sinks >l man walks in along with her >Then can't see anything for next 15mins >They out of shoot >But my suspicions were correct >Then the male figure now naked stands up from the bed >My naked GF jumps down to her knees >Blows him and let's him c-- in her mouth >Filled with rage I rush to confront her >She denied everything at first >Told her to show me her phone >She refused >Told her I knew everything >She still denied and said was delusional >Told her to pack her s--- and get out >She again denies everything >Tells me to calm down I'm just stressed with work >She makes up lie after lie until I point to the camera >l've seen everything >She cries and pleads with me to forgive her >Comes up with excuse after excuse >Told her to get the f--- out of my house >Gathered up her stuff and f----- it out onto the driveway >She in tears and begging now >Push her out and locked the door behind her >So guess I'm back to being single loser >Gona go cry now
>Be me >Suspicious of gf for last couple weeks >Her sex drive gone >Acting very defensive when I bring it up >Her stories of were shes been never add up >Always protective of her phone all of a sudden >Over hear her talking on phone one day when I get home >Talking about when l'll be gone over night >Hella suspicions now HD WIFI clock camera >Order hidden camera >Set it up over the weekend >I'm away tonight and hoping I find nothing on camera whe U Anonymous 10/12/21(Tue)12:52:47 No.864873520 >>864873595 >>864873626 >>864873629 >>864873633 >>864873666 >>864873674 >>864873734 >>864873743 >>864873744 >>864873770 >>864873871 >>864873914 >>864873975 >>864873995 >>864874025 >>864874033 >>864874095 >>864874178 >>864874278 >>864874289 >>864874302 >>864874331 >>864874424 >>864874479 >>864874482 >>864874533 UPDATE! >Be Me >Anon who was suspicious of his gf >Set up hidden camera while I was gone >Arrived home late >She was already in bed >l grabbed camera without her noticing >Told her was going for shower >Let shower run and reviewed the footage >Skimmed through it nothing out of the ordinary >Think to myself that I'm just paranoid >She her walking in and out just >Then my heart sinks >l man walks in along with her >Then can't see anything for next 15mins >They out of shoot >But my suspicions were correct >Then the male figure now naked stands up from the bed >My naked GF jumps down to her knees >Blows him and let's him c-- in her mouth >Filled with rage I rush to confront her >She denied everything at first >Told her to show me her phone >She refused >Told her I knew everything >She still denied and said was delusional >Told her to pack her s--- and get out >She again denies everything >Tells me to calm down I'm just stressed with work >She makes up lie after lie until I point to the camera >l've seen everything >She cries and pleads with me to forgive her >Comes up with excuse after excuse >Told her to get the f--- out of my house >Gathered up her stuff and f----- it out onto the driveway >She in tears and begging now >Push her out and locked the door behind her >So guess I'm back to being single loser >Gona go cry now

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Anon is Luigi | /r/Greentext

/b/864865377/ 1h (10/12 9:17) · 864865377 7 Re · 1 Img · JPG · 72KB · (909 × 468) 6 Replies Awww look! He's Smiling :) didn't have great image but >be me >10 year old s------- with no self awareness >meet autistic kid name ryan >l don't know what autism is I'm 10 yearrs old >realize he gets violently upset about random s--- >realize I can make him upset about anything if I repeat it enough >idea.mp4 >ytp's are popular rn >Start saying spaghetti in a luigi voice whenever i'm near him >he starts to notice but isn't annoyed >I need a plan >say spaghetti whenever he's getting annoyed, (he loses in football, he falls down, fails an assignment, etc.) |>He catches on |>Literally pavlov this kid into getting irrationally angry when he hears "spaghetti" in luigi voice >lay low for a bit, he knows l'm luigi >intermittently train this autist into getting irrationally angry when he hears me say spaghetti >one day >its 2pm, after recess > we're all walking back to class and he trips on his shoelace in front of everyone >out of instinct, in my best luigi impression, "spaghetti" >He loses his f------ s--- >rips off his shoe and throws it at one of the girls in homeroom >punches the water vending machine at least 6 times until its badly dented >"ILL F------ KILL YOU ANON >tard wranglers approach in the nick of time >he punches one in the stomach as hard as he can >she's crying on the ground while the other contains him >He bites her until she is forced to slap him and kneel on his kneck >"I'Ll f------ kill you anon" >He's dragged to the office punching and kicking >I stare in disbelief >mfw I caused all off this with one word What are your autist stories anon? 1h (10/12 9:22) · 864865578 JPG 70KB · (650 × 600) 1 Reply >864865377 (OP) I've dealt with autists before anon but I don't think I can top that
/b/864865377/ 1h (10/12 9:17) · 864865377 7 Re · 1 Img · JPG · 72KB · (909 × 468) 6 Replies Awww look! He's Smiling :) didn't have great image but >be me >10 year old s------- with no self awareness >meet autistic kid name ryan >l don't know what autism is I'm 10 yearrs old >realize he gets violently upset about random s--- >realize I can make him upset about anything if I repeat it enough >idea.mp4 >ytp's are popular rn >Start saying spaghetti in a luigi voice whenever i'm near him >he starts to notice but isn't annoyed >I need a plan >say spaghetti whenever he's getting annoyed, (he loses in football, he falls down, fails an assignment, etc.) |>He catches on |>Literally pavlov this kid into getting irrationally angry when he hears "spaghetti" in luigi voice >lay low for a bit, he knows l'm luigi >intermittently train this autist into getting irrationally angry when he hears me say spaghetti >one day >its 2pm, after recess > we're all walking back to class and he trips on his shoelace in front of everyone >out of instinct, in my best luigi impression, "spaghetti" >He loses his f------ s--- >rips off his shoe and throws it at one of the girls in homeroom >punches the water vending machine at least 6 times until its badly dented >"ILL F------ KILL YOU ANON >tard wranglers approach in the nick of time >he punches one in the stomach as hard as he can >she's crying on the ground while the other contains him >He bites her until she is forced to slap him and kneel on his kneck >"I'Ll f------ kill you anon" >He's dragged to the office punching and kicking >I stare in disbelief >mfw I caused all off this with one word What are your autist stories anon? 1h (10/12 9:22) · 864865578 JPG 70KB · (650 × 600) 1 Reply >864865377 (OP) I've dealt with autists before anon but I don't think I can top that

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Biggest coomer maybe ever | /r/Greentext

>been masturbating daily since 11 years old >after first few years gotten into regular 2-4x a day >by 16 i'm working out and have a really good technique with edging and hand pressure can edge for 1h and hit some personal bests 10 + sessions >by 20 l'm taking 400mg caffeine a day and can edge 2-4h sessions lying down with a ton of p---, my collection has broken 1tb >24 and I can hit 20-30 times in a single day quite easily, also get first real gf >having sex with gf is great and can have multiple sessions within a short time span, her p---- can't really handle it >still fapping and watching p--- whilst with her, fapping every day, usually after sex whilst shes in the shower, in the bathrooms at work trying to maintain 5-10x a day >at some point hit a personal best f------ her 10x on á friday from 5pm - 4am, then hitting 11.5x on the following saturday >still watching p--- on my phone whilst shes showing off the coom and sweat >28 and I have built a coom station, 50tb + of HDDS and 70,000 high quality hand picked pornographic videos depicting r---, a---, and facefucking. My D--- still gets pretty rock hard and as long as there are 6h before sex I don't really notice a difference. No noticable health problems so far but can't exactly ask my doctor what damage I could be doing. Only main pain is if I've had 5-20 beers and have access to p--- because I ill really shaff my d--- and not realise until the morning after ас
>been masturbating daily since 11 years old >after first few years gotten into regular 2-4x a day >by 16 i'm working out and have a really good technique with edging and hand pressure can edge for 1h and hit some personal bests 10 + sessions >by 20 l'm taking 400mg caffeine a day and can edge 2-4h sessions lying down with a ton of p---, my collection has broken 1tb >24 and I can hit 20-30 times in a single day quite easily, also get first real gf >having sex with gf is great and can have multiple sessions within a short time span, her p---- can't really handle it >still fapping and watching p--- whilst with her, fapping every day, usually after sex whilst shes in the shower, in the bathrooms at work trying to maintain 5-10x a day >at some point hit a personal best f------ her 10x on á friday from 5pm - 4am, then hitting 11.5x on the following saturday >still watching p--- on my phone whilst shes showing off the coom and sweat >28 and I have built a coom station, 50tb + of HDDS and 70,000 high quality hand picked pornographic videos depicting r---, a---, and facefucking. My D--- still gets pretty rock hard and as long as there are 6h before sex I don't really notice a difference. No noticable health problems so far but can't exactly ask my doctor what damage I could be doing. Only main pain is if I've had 5-20 beers and have access to p--- because I ill really shaff my d--- and not realise until the morning after ас

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Anon goes to McDonald’s | /r/Greentext

File: 1633940968307.jpg (67 KB, 680x680) O Anonymous 10/11/21(Mon)16:57:31 No.864814562 [Reply] >>864814756 >be me >go to mcdonald's >see black cashier >day ruined Anonymous 10/11/21(Mon)17:00:50 No.864814756 >>864814562 (OP) He probably nigged all over your food Sorry anon
File: 1633940968307.jpg (67 KB, 680x680) O Anonymous 10/11/21(Mon)16:57:31 No.864814562 [Reply] >>864814756 >be me >go to mcdonald's >see black cashier >day ruined Anonymous 10/11/21(Mon)17:00:50 No.864814756 >>864814562 (OP) He probably nigged all over your food Sorry anon

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Anon's Mommy birthed a toothpick | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 10/11/21(Mon)20:32:22 No.63880127 ► >>63880163 >>638801 >>63880194 >>63880212 >>63880333 >be skinnyfat >noodle arms and legs and big belly >brother and his wife are having lunch with us today >they start talking about fitness, and my brother's wife mentions he should train legs more because he trains only upper body >mom laughts and says it's true, he should be careful to not end up like "those facebook guys" (she basically means a curlbro) >then she laughts again and says "and how about Anon? He looks like a toothpick with an olive in the middle hahaha" >everyone is laughing their asses off >I laugh too to hide the pain >wife's brother laughs and says "look he's getting red hahaha" f--- bros my own mother made fun of my body, it's time for me to change
Anonymous 10/11/21(Mon)20:32:22 No.63880127 ► >>63880163 >>638801 >>63880194 >>63880212 >>63880333 >be skinnyfat >noodle arms and legs and big belly >brother and his wife are having lunch with us today >they start talking about fitness, and my brother's wife mentions he should train legs more because he trains only upper body >mom laughts and says it's true, he should be careful to not end up like "those facebook guys" (she basically means a curlbro) >then she laughts again and says "and how about Anon? He looks like a toothpick with an olive in the middle hahaha" >everyone is laughing their asses off >I laugh too to hide the pain >wife's brother laughs and says "look he's getting red hahaha" f--- bros my own mother made fun of my body, it's time for me to change

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Anon cannot top | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/12/21(Tue)15:30:42 No.65731923 >Make dating app account >Heterosexual, show to women >3 likes, no matches in a week >Disappointed by curious, switch to males >70 likes in an 2 hours 345 KB PNG There was nothing wrong with me, female standards became so insane they beyond self- parody right now.
: Anonymous 10/12/21(Tue)15:30:42 No.65731923 >Make dating app account >Heterosexual, show to women >3 likes, no matches in a week >Disappointed by curious, switch to males >70 likes in an 2 hours 345 KB PNG There was nothing wrong with me, female standards became so insane they beyond self- parody right now.

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Anon has a Cat | /r/Greentext

f--- /b/ they're back >be me last night >live in house built in 1900-1910s >get in bed around 2am with my cat >cuddling and watching YT >at some point he gets up and walks to 650 KB JPG my closet door >starts flipping the f--- out and jumps up on windowsill licking himself like crazy >starts clawing at the window a ton >is completely avoiding the floor only jumping up on my dresser, bed, and window >feel some liquid start dripping on me >there's nothing on me and nothing coming from the ceiling >start seeing grey figures pop up around my bed >grab special Damascus knife I keep next to bed since it's the holy steel >the figures disappear >a couple sec later I hear human screaming outside >can hear it come up to porch steps >loud crack and screaming stops >hear footsteps come up porch towards windows >see figure move past first window >goes around corner to second window >it looks like some pale, mangy, 7ft dog with human like front legs >starts f------ with window >windows are just wood frames with glass so no locks >window starts to lift up >dive out first window with cat and knife >jump up on railing and climb onto roof just before it reaches me >wait it out till sunrise in boxers on roof with cat >watch it go into woods behind house >get back inside and in bed >cat finally calms down and goes to bed I haven't slept yet, this is the 3rd time this has happened but it's never been this bad Pic related it's my cat now that's he's sleeping
f--- /b/ they're back >be me last night >live in house built in 1900-1910s >get in bed around 2am with my cat >cuddling and watching YT >at some point he gets up and walks to 650 KB JPG my closet door >starts flipping the f--- out and jumps up on windowsill licking himself like crazy >starts clawing at the window a ton >is completely avoiding the floor only jumping up on my dresser, bed, and window >feel some liquid start dripping on me >there's nothing on me and nothing coming from the ceiling >start seeing grey figures pop up around my bed >grab special Damascus knife I keep next to bed since it's the holy steel >the figures disappear >a couple sec later I hear human screaming outside >can hear it come up to porch steps >loud crack and screaming stops >hear footsteps come up porch towards windows >see figure move past first window >goes around corner to second window >it looks like some pale, mangy, 7ft dog with human like front legs >starts f------ with window >windows are just wood frames with glass so no locks >window starts to lift up >dive out first window with cat and knife >jump up on railing and climb onto roof just before it reaches me >wait it out till sunrise in boxers on roof with cat >watch it go into woods behind house >get back inside and in bed >cat finally calms down and goes to bed I haven't slept yet, this is the 3rd time this has happened but it's never been this bad Pic related it's my cat now that's he's sleeping

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anon gets a haircut | /r/Greentext

File: Bilde_2021-10-11_161826.png (185 KB, 473x336) O Anonymous 10/11/21(Mon)16:19:02 No.864812674 >go to barber to get my hair cut >day ruined
File: Bilde_2021-10-11_161826.png (185 KB, 473x336) O Anonymous 10/11/21(Mon)16:19:02 No.864812674 >go to barber to get my hair cut >day ruined

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Depression is Cringe | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous finally bros 07/19/21(Mon)14:21:39 No.64629058 >be me >be depressed coomer and khv >come back to my hometown >my friend invites one girl over >shes maybe a 7/10 maybe an 8 depending on the day >she asks if im there and says shes 268 KB PNG coming straight away >she gets there >all over me and when i go home we talk alot about deep s--- >she says she really likes me and i tell her that i like her too >shes coming over tomorrow and asked me if im a virgin >possible sex i decided that depression is cringe gods smiling upon us today robots
: Anonymous finally bros 07/19/21(Mon)14:21:39 No.64629058 >be me >be depressed coomer and khv >come back to my hometown >my friend invites one girl over >shes maybe a 7/10 maybe an 8 depending on the day >she asks if im there and says shes 268 KB PNG coming straight away >she gets there >all over me and when i go home we talk alot about deep s--- >she says she really likes me and i tell her that i like her too >shes coming over tomorrow and asked me if im a virgin >possible sex i decided that depression is cringe gods smiling upon us today robots

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anon pretends to be a woman | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/11/21(Mon)05:11:56 No.65715065 >16 >babies ewww >imma be a lesbian >18 >broke up with high school fren >didn't know it was the purest relationship 51 KB JPG >20 >wasted time in college >wanted to be a pro >25 >started to look for partners seriously >can't find chad >won't settle for average pleb >28 >hit the wall >waht? you reject me for a few years older than you? you litreally ahve nothing going on for you >can't stop looking >can't stop f------ should I just kms
: Anonymous 10/11/21(Mon)05:11:56 No.65715065 >16 >babies ewww >imma be a lesbian >18 >broke up with high school fren >didn't know it was the purest relationship 51 KB JPG >20 >wasted time in college >wanted to be a pro >25 >started to look for partners seriously >can't find chad >won't settle for average pleb >28 >hit the wall >waht? you reject me for a few years older than you? you litreally ahve nothing going on for you >can't stop looking >can't stop f------ should I just kms

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Of course I blow him | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/11/21(Mon)16:46:06 No.65723854 >be friends with a girl for about a year >never expect anything to come of it >still have a bit of a crush though because virgin >we're texting in a group chat with 59 KB JPG a few other people >she casually mentions something about having a crush heartbroken.jpg >send her a text after shes done talking in the group chat >we're close enough that it isn't a weird question to ask, so i go for it >"who's your crush?" >"its a secret" >"just describe him to me and ill try to guess" >she literally starts describing me to a T >"brb" >i havent responded yet >its been 30 minutes What do I say bros? What if it isnt actually me and I'm just a retard?
: Anonymous 10/11/21(Mon)16:46:06 No.65723854 >be friends with a girl for about a year >never expect anything to come of it >still have a bit of a crush though because virgin >we're texting in a group chat with 59 KB JPG a few other people >she casually mentions something about having a crush heartbroken.jpg >send her a text after shes done talking in the group chat >we're close enough that it isn't a weird question to ask, so i go for it >"who's your crush?" >"its a secret" >"just describe him to me and ill try to guess" >she literally starts describing me to a T >"brb" >i havent responded yet >its been 30 minutes What do I say bros? What if it isnt actually me and I'm just a retard?

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Another autistic greentext by Anon | /r/Greentext

>l need ice cream >creep downstairs >leave all lights off cause parents door is open >opens fridge door suuuuuper slowly >gently grabs a pint >immediately drops it and stumble 416 KB JPG backwards >falls into a wine glass left by parents >it shatters on the ground >l freak out and step on a piece of glass >causing me to yell out >dad bursts out of his room screaming >he's holding my brothers wooden sword >l scream >he scream >we all scream for ice cream
>l need ice cream >creep downstairs >leave all lights off cause parents door is open >opens fridge door suuuuuper slowly >gently grabs a pint >immediately drops it and stumble 416 KB JPG backwards >falls into a wine glass left by parents >it shatters on the ground >l freak out and step on a piece of glass >causing me to yell out >dad bursts out of his room screaming >he's holding my brothers wooden sword >l scream >he scream >we all scream for ice cream

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Anon goes to college | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/12/21(Tue)02:19:53 No.864825415 >be me first year in university >been a loner all throughout high school, decides to change for once >random girl who's a course mate adds me on discord >thisisit.jpeg >messages her and ask to be her 23 KB JPG friend >replies after an hour and said yes >after quick awkward small talk, tells me she has to go, and we said goodbye >only talked once after that >ohwell.wav >few months go by still no interaction with random girl, think nothing of it >be me 5 minutes ago talking to a course mate who happens to be former schoolmate of random girl >finds out she's a class clown and befriends basically everyone >mfw im so bad at socializing
: Anonymous 10/12/21(Tue)02:19:53 No.864825415 >be me first year in university >been a loner all throughout high school, decides to change for once >random girl who's a course mate adds me on discord >thisisit.jpeg >messages her and ask to be her 23 KB JPG friend >replies after an hour and said yes >after quick awkward small talk, tells me she has to go, and we said goodbye >only talked once after that >ohwell.wav >few months go by still no interaction with random girl, think nothing of it >be me 5 minutes ago talking to a course mate who happens to be former schoolmate of random girl >finds out she's a class clown and befriends basically everyone >mfw im so bad at socializing

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