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Who Was The Wackiest WWII Leader?

Name Adolf Hitler Hermann Göring Heinrich Himmler Joseph Goebbels Reinhard Heydrich Joachim von Ribbentrop Albert Speer Martin Bormann Rudolph Hess Karl Dönitz Blondi Portrait Minister of Foreign Affairs Minister of Propaganda 1. Murdered his six children because he didn't want them read a British book about spies noblemen ruled Britain Role Fuhrer Commander of the Luftwaffe Commander of the SS Director of the Gestapo Minister of Architecture Hitler's Chief of Staff Deputy Fuhrer Commander of the Navy Hitler's Dog Notable Incidents 1. Said he wanted to retire 1. WWI Ace fighter pilot who 1. Owned a secret wizard 1. Got the job because he'd 1. Believed a secret cabal of 1. Engaged in mass slave labor 1. Hated his brother so much 1. Stole a plane so he could 1. Specialized in submarine 1. Gift to Hitler from Martin and focus on his painting served with the Red Baron, castle of Jews because he wanted to that when he was told by negotiate an end to the war warfare; probably did the Bormann build cool-looking buildings (Göring and Himmler didn't; 2. Earned the names "God of shake his hand; he thought he 2. Convinced Nuremburg 2. Terrified of cats and knew some of the lingo major hero who joined the Nazis early on 2. Tried to restore the Knights to live in a non-Nazi world 2. King of England tried to Hitler to deliver a letter to with Britain by speaking to an most damage to the Allies of 2. Stayed with Hitler even in 3. Had 15 women taste his of the Round Table him, he found another random unimportant Scottish noble any single German officer the Fuhrerbunker food for poison before eating 2. Got shot in the leg and 3. Built a crypt to house rings their kids were released Death" and "Man with an was doing a Nazi salute; did judges to kill his subordinates guy and told him to do it he'd never met but had heard 2. Escaped execution for his 3. Hated by Eva Braun 4. Declared a random tribe gained a morphine addiction; of dead SS officers to bind by the Allies unharmed) Iron Heart" one in return but accidentally for carrying out his plans while 2. Once had to meet Hitler in about from a guy who'd met crimes because the British 4. Hitler's love for German 2. Created a military unit of 3. Died when he took an were also guilty of most of them and realized it would be in Germany during WWII of Native Americans he'd ballooned in weight and was them to eternal SS service smacked the king in the face; sparing him because he the presence of his brother; him one time years before; Shepards made them popular never met to be honorary nearly always high as a result 4. Tried to escape the children, amputees, and old open-roof car onto an tried to make it look like his opposed the plans he himself they stood side-by-side so they did not consult Hitler before doing this super awkward to prosecute 5. Mother of five puppies 6. Hitler was given cyanide Aryans; refused to do so for 3. Covered up his brother's British by calling himself men; couldn't even get them unsecured road and assassins own fault had ordered could face Hitler without Italians crime of helping Jews escape "Heinrich Hitzinger" enough guns came for him; instead of just 3. Demanded all British After release from prison, having to look at each other 2. During his trial, claimed to him 5. Claimed to be literally because it would make him 5. Instituted a breeding 3. Was 5'5"/165cm driving away, pulled a gun diplomats do the Nazi salute wrote several books about 3. Slavishly loyal to Hitler suffer from amnesia to avoid 3. Got appointed as President capsules by Himmler; later look bad; this only made it program between easier for the brother to keep Norweigian women and possessed by a mystical 4. Doctorate in Philosophy and ordered the car to stop so (overruled by Hitler) 4. Tried to get the USSR to how he was "the good Nazi" 4. Hated by everyone; answering questions; finally of Germany after Hitler's came to view Himmler as a A---- spirit to Mussolini; Mussolini felt "completely 5. Wife's stepfather was he could personally shoot at tolerated only because he admitted he was lying death solely because he was traitor but couldn't get more Jewish; she made no attempt them, thus giving them to save him, he died in a camp another chance to kill him was genuinely a fantastic officer worker helping Jews escape handsome Germans join the Axis without asking 3. Hanged himself in prison the most important person poison, so he tested one on his in 1987 at the age of 93 left who was definitely not disoriented" and didn't know 4. Delegated work to others 6. Tried to save a Jew who so he could focus on collecting "looked A----" if he'd say Hitler first dog; became inconsolable 5. Tried to negotiate for the 5. Body found on the side of a 4. Practicing psychic road, then disappeared; no if he was joking or not 6. Göring believed his wife 4. Hitler personally blamed involved in any attempts at when it worked 6. Convinced he was saved by fancy art and designing new he had a German ancestor was cheating on him with him for his own death, then return of Germany's African 5. Expert astrologer assassinating Hitler 7. After Hitler's suicide, his destiny when Operation ordered attacks on the colonies without consulting uniforms that had nothing to or parent; Jew refused do with his job |Hitler; evidence for this is one knows how he died, only 4. Only major action as animal handler took her Valkyrie failed to kill him 7. Believed he was the sketchy at best 7. Was once insulted by assassins' villages, murdering Hitler; after Hitler told him to when and where president was to stall the puppies and shot them so the 7. Blackmailed by nephew Will 5. Only major Nazi who didn't reincarnation of an ancient 1300 innocent people; stop, he continued to agitate 6. Convinced Hitler that if Russians as long as possible to Soviets couldn't capture them let soldiers escape west and 8. Hitler loved German | Shepards because he owned Hitler, who later left Germany mind jokes at his expense; German king and Hindu god Göring, who said someone Churchill wanted to bomb for them without asking for Göring asked who leads and joined the US Navy 8. Had a favorite alligator at 6. Owned multiple pet lions loved hearing fat jokes 8. Employed a child molester with his face shouldn't talk German civilians in retaliation them back, confusing the Germany after he kills himself, he must be planning a power surrender to Americans as his chief wizard advisor about the glory of the Ayran and had to be talked down British and French instead one between wars, had to 5. Got upset at an Italian sell it because of money, and the zoo; Russians seized it and 7. Spent the last year of the 9. Allowed a gay Jewish SS it survived until 2020 race 5. Wanted photos to only be 6. Got an elderly woman to grab, so Hitler arrested Göring war throwing drug o----- b/c officer because he could help 8. Huge inferiority complex to chest and higher; felt his wide adopt him in his 30s so he submarine captain for helping it escaped its new owner and 10. Watched Charlie Chaplin's he had nothing to do after the find the Holy Grail Hitler according to everyone; hips looked too womanly could add a "von" to his name; Allied sailors to a neutral port came back to him anti-Nazi movie at least twice Luftwaffe was blown up 10. Was a professional chicken considered to be Hitler's most later complained when Göring after sinking their ship; Italian 9. Extremely good girl told him he wouldn't 11. Sent a guy to the Eastern 8. Created a tank division farmer between wars loyal servant wouldn't use the von, so Front for joking that swatting for the Air Force; named it 11. "Whether 10000 Russian 9. Took 5000 active duty Göring tried to smack him understand because he didn't "have 2000 years of civilization like I do" flies is a job for the Luftwaffe after himself women die digging Germany soldiers out of combat to with a baton but couldn't 12. Interviewed by Home & 9. Attended an important an anti-tank ditch only make a propaganda movie reach because he was too fat Garden for his innovative use meeting dressed as a Roman matters insofar as whether or in 1945 7. Called Turkish ambassador of cacti as home decorations senator for no reason not Germany has a new ditch" an untermensch to his face Wackiness Quotient 909 909 140% 90% 60% 80% 209 50% 80% 20% Name Benito Mussolini Victor Emmanuel Hirohito Hideki Tojo Carl Gustaf Emil Mannerheim lon Antonescu Boris III Miklós Horthy Jozef Tiso Ante Pavelić Vidkun Quisling Portrait Prime Minister of Italy King of Italy 1. 5'0"/153cm Prime Minister of Romania Puppet Leader of Norway 1. Wife was part-Jewish; still 1. Felt Norway should join wwI, was vague about whose Role Emperor of Japan Prime Minister of Japan President of Finland King of Bulgaria Regent of Hungary Puppet Leader of Slovakia Puppet Leader of Croatia Notable Incidents 1. Got expelled from school 1. Legitimate scientist in 1. Agreed by everyone to be 1. Separated from his first 1. As a kid, was friends with a 1. Father got himself 1. Title: "His Serene Highness 1. Catholic priest-turned- the most humorless man in |the Regent of the Kingdom of politician Hungary" when he stabed another 2. Given following advice by marine biology; built a wife in 1902, took until 1919 Jew who asked him to save a excommunicated from the worked with Nazis Japan, had no hobbies except to bother divorcing her his father: "To be a king, all you need to know is how to student laboratory in the Imperial Palace and published several bringing paperwork home bunch of Jews during WWII; Catholic Church 2. Blamed Jewish tavern 2. Hated Yugoslavia so much side that he was happy to make 2. Wrote a romance novel 2. Was involved in an aborted obeyed 2. Godson of Tsar Nicholas II 2. Despite Hungary being a owners for all alcoholism in 2. Joined communist party, real scientific papers with him "Kingdom," it had no king 3. Rear Admiral of Hungary, 3. Short career as a teacher then fascist party Russian plan to invade China 2. Father left his mother for a 3. Had his marriage legally Jewish woman; absolutely sign your name, read a the country Croatia into an Italian 4. Got kicked out of Italian 2. First Japanese prince to 2. "I am just an ordinary man pre-WWI registered by Mussolini 3. Helped open a store that would sell clothing cheaper newspaper, and mount a protectorate so long as it 3. Went to communist Russia Socialist Party; invented horse" leave Japan and visit Europe; with no shining talents" 3. Got a surprise birthday visit hated her for the rest of his 4. Agreed to join the Axis, but a landlocked nation wasn't part of Yugoslavia as a military attache, bought fascism as a response 3. Only major leader during than a nearby Jewish store immediately played golf and 3. Kept trying to resign after by Hitler when he turned 75 bet on horse races (royalty life, but didn't hate the father refused to declare war on the 4. Openly called himself an 3. Attempted to surrender to lots of cheap art from 5. Said the USA, Britain, and both WWI and WWII he realized the war was lost; 4. Refused to be president 3. Contracted syphilis as a Soviet Union; still declared antisemite; still refused to give 4. Made it illegal for Jews to Americans at the end of the desperate people, sold it in France were doomed because 4. Had opportunity to just end was forbidden from directly Hirohito kept forcing him to due to age and bad health; young man, leading to "symbolic war" on Britain Germany 600000 of his own land, then made it illegal war; was so irrelevant that Norway of low birth rates, and that fascism right away; appointed handling money, so he told his stay until important generals was forced to take job by constant bizarre mood swings 5. Spent entire war trying to 825000 Jews for them to live in the country they didn't know who he was, 4. Nazis invaded Norway and the USA would be overtaken Mussolini prime minster aides to do it) wanted him removed government against his will 4. Absolutely despised avoid sending Jews to Hitler 5. Spoke six languages with a without owning land refused to arrest him, and |told king to appoint Quisling by using increasingly insane ideas, including sending them native langauge by high birth rate blacks anyway because it meant 3. Almost didn't marry his wife 4. Blamed Theodore 5. Knew that Hitler hated Hungarians foreign accent, including his 5. Was forced by the pope to told him to f--- off as prime minister, king said 6. Had no formal position; just communists couldn't seize because she had a color-blind Roosevelt for not letting Japan smoking, so he lit a cigar right 5. Was Hitler's favorite Axis not deport the last 20000 Jews in the country, still he'd rather abdicate marched to Rome and told the control relative annex all of Siberia after the in front of him to see how mad leader besides himself; was to Palestine via Switzerland 6. Voted Prime Minister 5. Nazis didn't even want him, king to appoint him as Prime Minister; king obeyed the only Axis leader Hitler would listen to talk about his 1943, possibly poisoned own country; this was despite 6. Full name: Boris Klemens 5. Had power to remove 4. Ate fried egg, sausage, Russo-Japanese War; hated he'd get 6. Died of heart failure in against his well; refused to managed to kill or deport all but he was the only person in Mussolini at any point; waited bacon, grilled tomato, and Americans afterward 6. Ordered Finnish Jews to accept unless he was given all others the government who would 7. Did not hate Jews at all, until Americans reached Italy English tea for breakfast 5. Slapped people in the face fight alongside Nazis the powers of a king as well; 6. Fluent in Hebrew work with them considered Italian Jews to just because he was afraid people every day while giving them orders 7. Taught the Dalai Lama how the fact that neither spoke Robert Maria Pius Ludwig was actually granted them 6. Norway abolished capital be normal Italians wouldn't listen to him 5. Built golf course in palace because he thought it helped to fire a gun each other's language Stanislaus Xavier 7. Absolutely, virtulently, punishment in 1905; executed 8. Called the master race idea 6. Declared Italy would join 6. Ordered civilians of Saipan train people not descended 6. Was so loved by Hitler that insanely hated communism him anyway "nonsense, stupid, and idiotic" the Allies during WWII 9. Was arrested and to commit suicide if the island from samurai he was the only other Axis beyond any reason, even by 7. Name now means "traitor" without telling any generals; was captured by Americans 6. Planned to annex Australia, leader besides Mussolini let the standards of the time in Norwegian imprisoned in a ski resort thousands of Italians were because he disliked the idea New Guinea, India, Pakistan, in on Operation Barbarossa 8. Asked that his body not be of white people capturing buried in Hungary until "the last Russian soldier has left;" 10. Terrified that people in the left in German-controlled Bangladesh, Sri Lanka, New in advance territory to die 7. Abdicated throne after WWII to convince people not Christianity after defeat future would think Hitler |Zealand, Alaska, Hawaii, |7. Refused a blindfold during his execution by firing squad; Japanese civilians invented fascism instead of 7. Tried to convert Japan to British Colombia, Yukon, request was actually honored, him Washington state, Ecuador, saluted the executioners as and he was dug up and |they killed him 8. Probably would not have 11. Owned a pet lion until his to vote the Italian Monarchy because he thought the all of Central America except reburied in 1993 wife forced him to get rid of it out of existence; failed Americans would go easier on Mexico, Cuba, Jamaica, Haiti, 9. Had a green-and-gold fellow Christians; MacArthur all Southeast Asia, and Macau been executed at all except dragon tattoo that took up forced him not to that the Soviet Union f------ the entire left side of his chest hated him Wackiness Quotient 60% 40% 50% 60% 20% 40% 20% 30% 40% 20% 40% Name Emperor Puyi Wang Jinwei Plaek Phibunsongkhram Philippe Pétain Rashid Ali al-Gaylani Neville Chamberlain Winston Churchill George VI Franklin Delano Roosevelt Harry S. Truman Joseph Stalin Portrait Prime Minister of the UK King of the United Kingdom 1. Angered Queen Victoria by 1. Had all pictures taken Role Puppet Emperor of Manchuria Puppet Leader of China Prime Minister of Thailand Puppet Leader of Vichy France Prime Minister of Iraq 1. Retired before WWI, called 1. Arab nationalist who hated 1. Died of butt cancer Prime Minister of the UK President of the United States President of the United States General Secretary of the USSR 1. Master calligrapher, poet, 1. Extreme Thai nationalist 1. Actually half-American | 2. Actually really into eugenics being born on the anniversary while at a desk, table, etc, to for anything; period is literally that when the Nazis caught Notable Incidents 1. Loved England; tried to 1. S. in name does not stand 1. Hated his own son so much renounce royalty and move to and writer despite being half-Chinese out of retirement to fight British influence in Iraq London so he could go to 2. Tried to assassinate the 2. First name means "strange" 2. Great friends with Charles 2. Claimed direct descent 3. F------ hated Gandhi, of her husband's death avoid being known as the part of it (Harry S. Truman) him and tried to have a in English; given it because he de Gualle Oxford University and rename last crown prince of China himself Henry from Muhammad tried to make the government 2. Fourth in line to the throne wheelchair president, but his 2. Worked as a haberdasher, prisoner exchange, Stalin 3. Became incredibly popular looked bizarre as a child 3. Completely opposed to 3. Unofficially joined the Axis let him die of a hunger strike 3. Wanted to marry a woman disability was publically known railway timekeeper, clerk, refused; when son was killed 2. Brought to the empress on as a revolutionary hero right 3. Loved Mussolini and tried basically every action France in a bid to remove British 4. Extremely clumsy; nearly who was already married; even at the time mail sorter, and Shabbos Goy by a Nazi by accident, came her deathbed as a child, but up until he allied with Japan to fashion all of his ideas and took between wars, felt they influence; Anglo-Iraqi War drowned in a lake, fell off a George V bribed him to give 2. Installed the current front (non-Jew who does tasks for to hate him slightly less was so annoying that she had 4. Angry at the West's style based on him would weaken it if Germany lasted 29 days bridge, fell several times from it up door on the Oval Office so you observant Jews during because he'd managed to die him removed so she could die exploitation of Chinese 4. Loved Thai traditions but invaded again 4. After he was defeated, his horses, fell over while getting 4. Major stuttering problem have to enter facing the desk; Shabbat); became a judge in a way that was technically in peace resources, so he helped Japan wanted Thailand to look 4. After Germany invaded, government blamed Jews, off of a ship, crashed a plane, 5. World-class tennis player; this made it impossible to see without a law degree; later heroic 3. Didn't know how to blow on kick them out and do the civilized to the West; forced French government dissolved leading to 700+ murders of itself and appointed him as hit by a car competed in Men's Double at his wheelchair unless you applied for a law license while 2. Lenin wrote a letter to the soup to cool it, flush toilets, same thing everyone to wear Western local Iraqi Jews | 5. Extremely skilled landscape Wimbledon came right up to him president so he'd have government that said to not turn off faucets, or open doors 5. Name now means "traitor" clothing and eat with forks leader because he was the painter, complimented by 6. Graduated at the bottom of 3. Cousin of Theodore something to do after leaving give power to Stalin; Stalin in the same way as Quisling or Benedict Arnold instead of their hands (as was most important person left in tradition) until he was an adult Pablo Picasso his class at the naval academy; Roosevelt, who told him that 3. Eyesight too poor to join stole the letter, led Lenin's 4. Was so fascinated by France; took office at 84 wwI; got in by stealing an 6. Forced Britain to invent an probably was pushed through he wanted him to never because of his position funeral procession, and talked telephones that he called 6. Despite many assassination 5. Favorite book was named 5. Sentenced to life in prison oxygen mask that lets you become president eye chart and memorizing it about how great he was random numbers constantly attempts on him, he died of to talk to unknown people "Jews of the East," which was after war; died at 95 years old 6. Tried to use his position as smoke because he wanted to 7. Wanted to study history and 4. Born into obscene wealth 4. Got to be Vice President 3. Once asked by his mother complications from a different about the Chinese minority smoke nonstop if attacked while on an airplane 7. When wife tried to make economics; father forced him 5. Constantly cheated on his only because Democrats to drop out and go on royal what he did, said he's "like the 5. Was not taught anything about sex before his wedding; before the war with Japan; assassination attempt from living in Thailand leader of France to make wife predicted FDR would die in |tsar," mother complained that 6. Due to the way time zones people go outdoors and hike office and they hated his he should have been a priest 6. Intentionally overlooked British spies in the USA whose existing VP tours had no idea what to do when h furious with not being able to work, was invaded by Japan more often him go on a diet, he tampered 8. Wanted to be Governor- 4. Ordered records of his own 7. In 1973, two insane guys try him as a traitor, China tried his wife for treason he was alone with his new both before and after the with the scale to show him as General of Canada; father felt job was to blackmail anti-war 5. Met FDR only twice; almost birthday to be changed stole his coffin and body and lighter than he really was 8. Wrote an alt history short his rank it was too lowly a position for senators because he also wanted to join the war wife; just left the room and attack on Pearl Harbor never informed of what was 5. Hired a guy to inseminate 7. Only Axis leader allowed to demanded he be reburied at going on with the war 6. Only told about the atom bomb after becoming left her in bed with a instead female chimps with human concubine regain power after WWII; Verdun; were refused story about the Confederacy 9. Had the crown put onto his sperm in an attempt to build winning the Civil War 9. Tried to convince the USA 6. Became horribly cruel after Americans liked that he hated head the wrong way at his mutant soldiers he realized he was a Japanese coronation president 6. Was once kidnapped by his communism 8. Sent a declaration of war on the USA to his ambassador in Washington; ambassador "accidentally" lost it and just 7. On deathbed, said only puppet and everyone hated him; regretted his actions to invade Russia after 10. Gave up the title Emperor father and forced to work in defeating Germany of India once India & Pakistan regret was creating the CIA a shoe factory after the war ended and broke away; still called himself 7. Tried to have John Wayne almost committed suicide the King of Pakistan until he assassinated 8. Last emperor of China never sent it to Congress died Wackiness Quotient 90% 20% 60% 10% 109 10% 50% 50% 20% 30% 90% Name Charles de Gualle Chiang Kai-shek Mao Zedong Josip Broz Tito William Lyon Mackenzie King John Curtin loannis Metaxas Hubert Pierlot Getúlio Vargas Peter Fraser Haakon VII Portrait Role Notable Incidents Leader of Free France Chairman of Nationalist Party Chairman of Communist Party Leader of Yugoslav Partisans Prime Minister of Canada Prime Minister of Australia Prime Minister of Greece Prime Minister of Belgium President of Brazil Prime Minister of N. Zealand King of Norway 1. Wanted to show how Paris 1. At 3 years old, swallowed a 1. Married against his will in 1. Extremely poor eyesight 1. Had so many siblings die in 1. Considered to be humorless 1. Had problem where the iris 1. Descended from nobility to 1. Spent entire war in Britain 1. 99% of the way to being a infancy that no one is sure 1. Actually Danish was retaken by the French, so pair of chopsticks to see if he an arranged marriage; ran could; doctor had to save him away to escape it, thereby |and have no charisma of his left eye would disalign the point of his family being in 2. Hated the King of Belgium full-blown fascist, stole many 2. Jailed for opposing the first 2. Would only take the throne he arranged a parade, but which number child he is 2. Communicated with dead when he looked at things; had the Libro d'Oro (directory of after he surrendered to ideas from fascist states; was World War if Norway elected him as king; spirits constnatly, especially no effect, but left him extremely self-conscious couldn't find enough French 2. Spent two years in the nobles) of the lonian Islands in Germany ruining his new wife, who died 2. Failed second grade; was in shame and ruin even invited to join the Axis but refused, later joined the it actually did soldiers, so he got Quebecois Japanese Army in French uniforms; still not terrible at spelling throughout his mother the 1600s; was completely 3. German ambassador told Allies because Germany kept him to appoint Quisling as PM; he threatened to abdicate if 3. Got kidnapped by his own 2. At 68, found a 14 year-old entire life 3. Didn't want to enter WWII; 2. Left school at 13 contemptuous of anyone who enough, so he got Louisianans; generals when he refused to concubine 3. Was going to move to USA; agreed to only if Britain itself 3. Encyclopedic knowledge of wasn't also of noble descent |sinking his merchant ships still not enough, so he got make peace with communists 3. Dropped out of school at couldn't get money for boat was attacked, then had to cricket statistics (the sport) 2. Was 5'1" (155cm); had all 2. Desired a Brazilian national this was done and instead just light-skinned Algerians and while Japan invaded; finally the age of 13 4. Went to a soccer game; | actually make good on that photographs use trickery to identity that obliterated told everyone to resist German immigrant identities, which led him to constantly f--- with put them in the back agreed and was released 4. Refused to bathe or brush players kept stopping the 4. Met Hitler in 1937; believed made him look normal-sized occupation 2. Personally hated by 4. Changed his name an teeth game to argue with the ref; he would lead Germany to a 3. Led Greece against Italy 4. This angered Germany so Churchill and FDR for being unknown number of times; | 5. Had at least one STD; did Tito got angry at them for bright future and be the next and succeeded; died days immigrant communities much that they just blew up incredibly irritating and most only stopped because he got nothing to avoid spreading it wasting time, so he stole the "Joan of Arc" before Germany got involved 3. Annoyed at aristocrats who the entire town he was hiding other French leaders for too famous with his current to his concubines ref's whistle, appointed 5. Kept a shrine to his dead because of an unrelated owned land and were pro- in, forcing him to flee championing himself as the 6. Tried to send 15 million himself as the new ref, and mother in his home pharynx issue farming, so he ignored the law 5. When Sweden refused to one sole savior of France 5. Married two women at Chinese women to the USA dared the players to argue 6. Kept and used a crystal ball 4. Studied in Germany, was a and forced industrialization give him sancuary because it wanted to maintain neutrality, 3. Promoted to general just huge Germanophile; still supported Britain politically once; one died to Japanese, 7. Got angry at Stalin once; with his decisions 7. Saw signs of the future in whenever he felt like it, which before France fell to Germany he divorced the other when responded by holding a 5. After capturing the fifth not just his tea leaves, but was nearly all the time he spent the entire rest of his 4. Absolutely f------ loved he met another woman who meeting with Khrushchev in a assassin sent by Stalin, sent a also his shaving cream 5. Instituted Greece's first | 4. (Probably) ordered an life personally hating all of |dogs, boasted of how he loved wouldn't marry him unless he swimming pool because he 8. Numerologist letter that said "stop or l'll send an assassin of my own, 9. Wrote in a journal every paid holidays, maternity leave, assassination attempted Sweden forever | 6. Spent basically the whole against a political rival that failed; knowing he would be them more than humans got a divorce didn't know how to swim five-day/40 hour work week, 5. Daughter had Down's, he treated her extremely well, be buried in China despite not 8 minutes (world record: 20) 6. Avoided anti-communist when she died, he genuinely being able to leave Taiwan; 9. During WWII, refused to mourned her heavily 6. Specified that he wanted to 8. Claimed to swim a mile in and it won't take five tries" day from 1893 to 1950 minimum wage, paid leaves, war in Scotland recording 10. Owned multiple dogs that banning of child labor, legally removed, he shot himself in pro-resistance messages for guards by borrowing a baby were all named Pat mandating Sunday as a rest the chest, which completely Britain to blast into Norway body is now on "temporary" use toilets, insisted on pooping and letting it poop in his lap 11. Could speak to dogs using day, and strict safety f----- up Brazilian politics for display in a museum in Taiwan outside; finally persuaded to so they wouldn't bother him his psychic powers standards years since 1975 stop post-war 6. Virulent hatred of 7. American generals 10. Suffered from bowel communism nicknamed him "Cash my problems; wife had to learn how to stick her fingers into Check" 8. Flooded most important his ass to solve them river in China to escape Japan; killed 1 million civilians Wackiness Quotient 20% 30% 90% 60% 90% 10% 30% 0% 20% 0% 10% Name Francisco Franco António de Oliveira Salazar Per Albin Hansson Pius XII 14th Dalai Lama Éamon de Valera Henri Guisan Mohammed Zahir Shah Mohammad Reza Pahlavi Ibn Saud Imam Yahya 履 3 同 T 2 Portrait Caudillo of Spain King of Yemen 1. Full name: His Majesty Amir Role Prime Minister of Portugal Prime Minister of Sweden Роpe Dalai Lama Leader of Fianna Fáil General of Switzerland King of Afghanistan Shah of Iran King of Saudi Arabia Notable Incidents 1. Wanted to join the Navy, |1. Only European leader to 1. Extremely boring man who 1. Excommunicated Catholic 1. Became Dalai Lama in 1940 1. Wanted to become a priest, 1. In Switzerland, "General" 1. One of the few countries 1. Father believed that boys 1. Full name: Abulaziz ibn is a political position appointed to someone during the Soviet Union and the but the Spanish-American War allow nonwhite members of just did his job well communists age 4; was considered to be couldn't because he was that received aid from both shown love by their fathers Abdul Rahman ibn Faisal ibn al-Mumenin al-Mutawakkil loss forced Spain to stop Parliament 2. Died of a random heart became homosexual; since Turki ibn Abdullah ibn Ala Allah Rab ul-Alamin Yahya 2. Dropped out of university way too old to take position illegitimate because the food was too recruiting 2. Refused to let go of his attack shortly after the war 2. Only WWII leader still alive 2. President of Ireland is a a time of crisis United States during the Cold this was his favorite son, he abused him constantly Muhammad Al Saud bin al-Mansur Bi'llah colonies even after Britain and ended |awful; got a special order that today he could study at home ceremonial position; he was de facto the leader of Ireland Switzerland's neutrality; 2. Only one testicle 2. Appointed to ensure War 2. 22 wives, 45 sons, unknown Muhammad Hamiddin, Imam 2. Went to Italy for eye 3. Father was 6'4" (193cm), 3. Only in charge because the France decolonized, leading to two people above him on the years of completely pointless 3. Family did not speak the number of daughters, but and Commander of the 3. Wanted to protect Europe Tibetan language 3. Refused to admit death actually planned to ally with surgery, cousin rebelled and he was not; constantly wore "many" Faithful, Prince of the Nationalist side both died in from "the onslaughts of 4. CIA aided him in escaping camps were real not because France if Germany attacked installed a republic; abdicated elevator shoes, had sex with Believers, He Who Relies on overseas wars unrelated incidents 3. Dictator for 34 years securalism and liberalism" to India when China invaded he genuinely believed it, but 3. Declared that Switzerland's to avoid a civil war tall women, and bragged God, the Lord of the Universe" 4. Obsessed with bullfighting; 4. Only owned two pairs of 4. Genuinely thought he could Tibet in 1959 because he needed to claim decentralized political 3. Last King of Afghanistan about how the tallest 2. Hated photography, would is solely responsible for it still business suits that he cycled through every other day stop WWI by going to Kaiser 5. Doesn't want China to the Irish were the most structure means no one in the 4. Might have become king mountain in Iran is taller than only allow drawn portraits being a thing Wilhelm and talking it out; the tallest one in Japan |"find" a fake Dalai Lama that discriminated-against people country has the authority to again in 2002, but the USA will be a puppet, so he's 3. Favorable relations with 5. Set Spain's clocks backward 5. Ordered that he be buried was crushed when he failed in Europe and wanted to claim surrender blocked it 4. Mother gave children magic Jews, except that he enforced match Germany's and Italy's; in an odinary grave next to 5. Probably only got to be threatened to reincarnate in the Axis and Allies were 4. Doubled size of military 5. Accidentally injured himself amulets to ward off the evil a law that forbade them from Spain is still in the wrong time his farmer ancestors in his pope because the previous a Western country as a morally equivalent to justify every time he visited France eye; could use psychic dreams building houses taller than small hometown Ireland's neutrality zone today 6. Invented the family tourist one during in 1939 and they woman 6. Photographer, chess player to learn the future Muslim houses 5. Forbidden from having a needed someone who was an 6. Hobbies include: gardening, 4. Tried to punish Irish people meditation, watch repair expert with Germany 6. Allowed Catholic priests to 7. Declared a boy in Tibet to during WWII package to make Spain a big who joined the British military close relationship with his tourist destination mother to make him manlier; 7. Intentionally made crazy baptize Jewish orphans to be the Pachen Lama (another 5. Only world leader to offer this and his father's treatment demands to join the Axis so legally claim they weren't high-ranking reincranation); condolences on the death of led to severe psychological Hitler would refuse them; Jewish to Germans, then tried China immediately arrested Adolf Hitler problems Hitler said "I would rather 6. Impersonated a bishop 7. Despite being a devout to prevent them from being the boy and claimed the 6. Created a state cult around have three of my own teeth sent back to Jewish relatives Pachen Lama was an Cyrus the Great to imply pulled out than speak to that man again" after the war was over unrelated child they could Catholic, refused to make it a similarities between himself more easily control state religion and the ancient leader 8. After his death, fascists kept 9. Birth name: Lhamo 8. Chief of the Chippewa 7. Once cancelled a lucrative visiting his grave, so the Dhondup, Full Religious Name: Native American tribe contract with Britain because government had to rebury him Jetsun Jamphel Ngawang an East German offered to let Lobsang Yeshe Tenzin Gyatso him sleep with his tall wife 10. You can follow him on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram 60% 20% 0% 30% 50% 60% 0% 10% 70% 20% 30%

Name Adolf Hitler Hermann Göring Heinrich Himmler Joseph Goebbels Reinhard Heydrich Joachim von Ribbentrop Albert Speer Martin Bormann Rudolph Hess Karl Dönitz Blondi Portrait Minister of Foreign Affairs Minister of Propaganda 1. Murdered his six children because he didn't want them read a British book about spies noblemen ruled Britain Role Fuhrer Commander of the Luftwaffe Commander of the SS Director of the Gestapo Minister of Architecture Hitler's Chief of Staff Deputy Fuhrer Commander of the Navy Hitler's Dog Notable Incidents 1. Said he wanted to retire 1. WWI Ace fighter pilot who 1. Owned a secret wizard 1. Got the job because he'd 1. Believed a secret cabal of 1. Engaged in mass slave labor 1. Hated his brother so much 1. Stole a plane so he could 1. Specialized in submarine 1. Gift to Hitler from Martin and focus on his painting served with the Red Baron, castle of Jews because he wanted to that when he was told by negotiate an end to the war warfare; probably did the Bormann build cool-looking buildings (Göring and Himmler didn't; 2. Earned the names "God of shake his hand; he thought he 2. Convinced Nuremburg 2. Terrified of cats and knew some of the lingo major hero who joined the Nazis early on 2. Tried to restore the Knights to live in a non-Nazi world 2. King of England tried to Hitler to deliver a letter to with Britain by speaking to an most damage to the Allies of 2. Stayed with Hitler even in 3. Had 15 women taste his of the Round Table him, he found another random unimportant Scottish noble any single German officer the Fuhrerbunker food for poison before eating 2. Got shot in the leg and 3. Built a crypt to house rings their kids were released Death" and "Man with an was doing a Nazi salute; did judges to kill his subordinates guy and told him to do it he'd never met but had heard 2. Escaped execution for his 3. Hated by Eva Braun 4. Declared a random tribe gained a morphine addiction; of dead SS officers to bind by the Allies unharmed) Iron Heart" one in return but accidentally for carrying out his plans while 2. Once had to meet Hitler in about from a guy who'd met crimes because the British 4. Hitler's love for German 2. Created a military unit of 3. Died when he took an were also guilty of most of them and realized it would be in Germany during WWII of Native Americans he'd ballooned in weight and was them to eternal SS service smacked the king in the face; sparing him because he the presence of his brother; him one time years before; Shepards made them popular never met to be honorary nearly always high as a result 4. Tried to escape the children, amputees, and old open-roof car onto an tried to make it look like his opposed the plans he himself they stood side-by-side so they did not consult Hitler before doing this super awkward to prosecute 5. Mother of five puppies 6. Hitler was given cyanide Aryans; refused to do so for 3. Covered up his brother's British by calling himself men; couldn't even get them unsecured road and assassins own fault had ordered could face Hitler without Italians crime of helping Jews escape "Heinrich Hitzinger" enough guns came for him; instead of just 3. Demanded all British After release from prison, having to look at each other 2. During his trial, claimed to him 5. Claimed to be literally because it would make him 5. Instituted a breeding 3. Was 5'5"/165cm driving away, pulled a gun diplomats do the Nazi salute wrote several books about 3. Slavishly loyal to Hitler suffer from amnesia to avoid 3. Got appointed as President capsules by Himmler; later look bad; this only made it program between easier for the brother to keep Norweigian women and possessed by a mystical 4. Doctorate in Philosophy and ordered the car to stop so (overruled by Hitler) 4. Tried to get the USSR to how he was "the good Nazi" 4. Hated by everyone; answering questions; finally of Germany after Hitler's came to view Himmler as a A---- spirit to Mussolini; Mussolini felt "completely 5. Wife's stepfather was he could personally shoot at tolerated only because he admitted he was lying death solely because he was traitor but couldn't get more Jewish; she made no attempt them, thus giving them to save him, he died in a camp another chance to kill him was genuinely a fantastic officer worker helping Jews escape handsome Germans join the Axis without asking 3. Hanged himself in prison the most important person poison, so he tested one on his in 1987 at the age of 93 left who was definitely not disoriented" and didn't know 4. Delegated work to others 6. Tried to save a Jew who so he could focus on collecting "looked A----" if he'd say Hitler first dog; became inconsolable 5. Tried to negotiate for the 5. Body found on the side of a 4. Practicing psychic road, then disappeared; no if he was joking or not 6. Göring believed his wife 4. Hitler personally blamed involved in any attempts at when it worked 6. Convinced he was saved by fancy art and designing new he had a German ancestor was cheating on him with him for his own death, then return of Germany's African 5. Expert astrologer assassinating Hitler 7. After Hitler's suicide, his destiny when Operation ordered attacks on the colonies without consulting uniforms that had nothing to or parent; Jew refused do with his job |Hitler; evidence for this is one knows how he died, only 4. Only major action as animal handler took her Valkyrie failed to kill him 7. Believed he was the sketchy at best 7. Was once insulted by assassins' villages, murdering Hitler; after Hitler told him to when and where president was to stall the puppies and shot them so the 7. Blackmailed by nephew Will 5. Only major Nazi who didn't reincarnation of an ancient 1300 innocent people; stop, he continued to agitate 6. Convinced Hitler that if Russians as long as possible to Soviets couldn't capture them let soldiers escape west and 8. Hitler loved German | Shepards because he owned Hitler, who later left Germany mind jokes at his expense; German king and Hindu god Göring, who said someone Churchill wanted to bomb for them without asking for Göring asked who leads and joined the US Navy 8. Had a favorite alligator at 6. Owned multiple pet lions loved hearing fat jokes 8. Employed a child molester with his face shouldn't talk German civilians in retaliation them back, confusing the Germany after he kills himself, he must be planning a power surrender to Americans as his chief wizard advisor about the glory of the Ayran and had to be talked down British and French instead one between wars, had to 5. Got upset at an Italian sell it because of money, and the zoo; Russians seized it and 7. Spent the last year of the 9. Allowed a gay Jewish SS it survived until 2020 race 5. Wanted photos to only be 6. Got an elderly woman to grab, so Hitler arrested Göring war throwing drug o----- b/c officer because he could help 8. Huge inferiority complex to chest and higher; felt his wide adopt him in his 30s so he submarine captain for helping it escaped its new owner and 10. Watched Charlie Chaplin's he had nothing to do after the find the Holy Grail Hitler according to everyone; hips looked too womanly could add a "von" to his name; Allied sailors to a neutral port came back to him anti-Nazi movie at least twice Luftwaffe was blown up 10. Was a professional chicken considered to be Hitler's most later complained when Göring after sinking their ship; Italian 9. Extremely good girl told him he wouldn't 11. Sent a guy to the Eastern 8. Created a tank division farmer between wars loyal servant wouldn't use the von, so Front for joking that swatting for the Air Force; named it 11. "Whether 10000 Russian 9. Took 5000 active duty Göring tried to smack him understand because he didn't "have 2000 years of civilization like I do" flies is a job for the Luftwaffe after himself women die digging Germany soldiers out of combat to with a baton but couldn't 12. Interviewed by Home & 9. Attended an important an anti-tank ditch only make a propaganda movie reach because he was too fat Garden for his innovative use meeting dressed as a Roman matters insofar as whether or in 1945 7. Called Turkish ambassador of cacti as home decorations senator for no reason not Germany has a new ditch" an untermensch to his face Wackiness Quotient 909 909 140% 90% 60% 80% 209 50% 80% 20% Name Benito Mussolini Victor Emmanuel Hirohito Hideki Tojo Carl Gustaf Emil Mannerheim lon Antonescu Boris III Miklós Horthy Jozef Tiso Ante Pavelić Vidkun Quisling Portrait Prime Minister of Italy King of Italy 1. 5'0"/153cm Prime Minister of Romania Puppet Leader of Norway 1. Wife was part-Jewish; still 1. Felt Norway should join wwI, was vague about whose Role Emperor of Japan Prime Minister of Japan President of Finland King of Bulgaria Regent of Hungary Puppet Leader of Slovakia Puppet Leader of Croatia Notable Incidents 1. Got expelled from school 1. Legitimate scientist in 1. Agreed by everyone to be 1. Separated from his first 1. As a kid, was friends with a 1. Father got himself 1. Title: "His Serene Highness 1. Catholic priest-turned- the most humorless man in |the Regent of the Kingdom of politician Hungary" when he stabed another 2. Given following advice by marine biology; built a wife in 1902, took until 1919 Jew who asked him to save a excommunicated from the worked with Nazis Japan, had no hobbies except to bother divorcing her his father: "To be a king, all you need to know is how to student laboratory in the Imperial Palace and published several bringing paperwork home bunch of Jews during WWII; Catholic Church 2. Blamed Jewish tavern 2. Hated Yugoslavia so much side that he was happy to make 2. Wrote a romance novel 2. Was involved in an aborted obeyed 2. Godson of Tsar Nicholas II 2. Despite Hungary being a owners for all alcoholism in 2. Joined communist party, real scientific papers with him "Kingdom," it had no king 3. Rear Admiral of Hungary, 3. Short career as a teacher then fascist party Russian plan to invade China 2. Father left his mother for a 3. Had his marriage legally Jewish woman; absolutely sign your name, read a the country Croatia into an Italian 4. Got kicked out of Italian 2. First Japanese prince to 2. "I am just an ordinary man pre-WWI registered by Mussolini 3. Helped open a store that would sell clothing cheaper newspaper, and mount a protectorate so long as it 3. Went to communist Russia Socialist Party; invented horse" leave Japan and visit Europe; with no shining talents" 3. Got a surprise birthday visit hated her for the rest of his 4. Agreed to join the Axis, but a landlocked nation wasn't part of Yugoslavia as a military attache, bought fascism as a response 3. Only major leader during than a nearby Jewish store immediately played golf and 3. Kept trying to resign after by Hitler when he turned 75 bet on horse races (royalty life, but didn't hate the father refused to declare war on the 4. Openly called himself an 3. Attempted to surrender to lots of cheap art from 5. Said the USA, Britain, and both WWI and WWII he realized the war was lost; 4. Refused to be president 3. Contracted syphilis as a Soviet Union; still declared antisemite; still refused to give 4. Made it illegal for Jews to Americans at the end of the desperate people, sold it in France were doomed because 4. Had opportunity to just end was forbidden from directly Hirohito kept forcing him to due to age and bad health; young man, leading to "symbolic war" on Britain Germany 600000 of his own land, then made it illegal war; was so irrelevant that Norway of low birth rates, and that fascism right away; appointed handling money, so he told his stay until important generals was forced to take job by constant bizarre mood swings 5. Spent entire war trying to 825000 Jews for them to live in the country they didn't know who he was, 4. Nazis invaded Norway and the USA would be overtaken Mussolini prime minster aides to do it) wanted him removed government against his will 4. Absolutely despised avoid sending Jews to Hitler 5. Spoke six languages with a without owning land refused to arrest him, and |told king to appoint Quisling by using increasingly insane ideas, including sending them native langauge by high birth rate blacks anyway because it meant 3. Almost didn't marry his wife 4. Blamed Theodore 5. Knew that Hitler hated Hungarians foreign accent, including his 5. Was forced by the pope to told him to f--- off as prime minister, king said 6. Had no formal position; just communists couldn't seize because she had a color-blind Roosevelt for not letting Japan smoking, so he lit a cigar right 5. Was Hitler's favorite Axis not deport the last 20000 Jews in the country, still he'd rather abdicate marched to Rome and told the control relative annex all of Siberia after the in front of him to see how mad leader besides himself; was to Palestine via Switzerland 6. Voted Prime Minister 5. Nazis didn't even want him, king to appoint him as Prime Minister; king obeyed the only Axis leader Hitler would listen to talk about his 1943, possibly poisoned own country; this was despite 6. Full name: Boris Klemens 5. Had power to remove 4. Ate fried egg, sausage, Russo-Japanese War; hated he'd get 6. Died of heart failure in against his well; refused to managed to kill or deport all but he was the only person in Mussolini at any point; waited bacon, grilled tomato, and Americans afterward 6. Ordered Finnish Jews to accept unless he was given all others the government who would 7. Did not hate Jews at all, until Americans reached Italy English tea for breakfast 5. Slapped people in the face fight alongside Nazis the powers of a king as well; 6. Fluent in Hebrew work with them considered Italian Jews to just because he was afraid people every day while giving them orders 7. Taught the Dalai Lama how the fact that neither spoke Robert Maria Pius Ludwig was actually granted them 6. Norway abolished capital be normal Italians wouldn't listen to him 5. Built golf course in palace because he thought it helped to fire a gun each other's language Stanislaus Xavier 7. Absolutely, virtulently, punishment in 1905; executed 8. Called the master race idea 6. Declared Italy would join 6. Ordered civilians of Saipan train people not descended 6. Was so loved by Hitler that insanely hated communism him anyway "nonsense, stupid, and idiotic" the Allies during WWII 9. Was arrested and to commit suicide if the island from samurai he was the only other Axis beyond any reason, even by 7. Name now means "traitor" without telling any generals; was captured by Americans 6. Planned to annex Australia, leader besides Mussolini let the standards of the time in Norwegian imprisoned in a ski resort thousands of Italians were because he disliked the idea New Guinea, India, Pakistan, in on Operation Barbarossa 8. Asked that his body not be of white people capturing buried in Hungary until "the last Russian soldier has left;" 10. Terrified that people in the left in German-controlled Bangladesh, Sri Lanka, New in advance territory to die 7. Abdicated throne after WWII to convince people not Christianity after defeat future would think Hitler |Zealand, Alaska, Hawaii, |7. Refused a blindfold during his execution by firing squad; Japanese civilians invented fascism instead of 7. Tried to convert Japan to British Colombia, Yukon, request was actually honored, him Washington state, Ecuador, saluted the executioners as and he was dug up and |they killed him 8. Probably would not have 11. Owned a pet lion until his to vote the Italian Monarchy because he thought the all of Central America except reburied in 1993 wife forced him to get rid of it out of existence; failed Americans would go easier on Mexico, Cuba, Jamaica, Haiti, 9. Had a green-and-gold fellow Christians; MacArthur all Southeast Asia, and Macau been executed at all except dragon tattoo that took up forced him not to that the Soviet Union f------ the entire left side of his chest hated him Wackiness Quotient 60% 40% 50% 60% 20% 40% 20% 30% 40% 20% 40% Name Emperor Puyi Wang Jinwei Plaek Phibunsongkhram Philippe Pétain Rashid Ali al-Gaylani Neville Chamberlain Winston Churchill George VI Franklin Delano Roosevelt Harry S. Truman Joseph Stalin Portrait Prime Minister of the UK King of the United Kingdom 1. Angered Queen Victoria by 1. Had all pictures taken Role Puppet Emperor of Manchuria Puppet Leader of China Prime Minister of Thailand Puppet Leader of Vichy France Prime Minister of Iraq 1. Retired before WWI, called 1. Arab nationalist who hated 1. Died of butt cancer Prime Minister of the UK President of the United States President of the United States General Secretary of the USSR 1. Master calligrapher, poet, 1. Extreme Thai nationalist 1. Actually half-American | 2. Actually really into eugenics being born on the anniversary while at a desk, table, etc, to for anything; period is literally that when the Nazis caught Notable Incidents 1. Loved England; tried to 1. S. in name does not stand 1. Hated his own son so much renounce royalty and move to and writer despite being half-Chinese out of retirement to fight British influence in Iraq London so he could go to 2. Tried to assassinate the 2. First name means "strange" 2. Great friends with Charles 2. Claimed direct descent 3. F------ hated Gandhi, of her husband's death avoid being known as the part of it (Harry S. Truman) him and tried to have a in English; given it because he de Gualle Oxford University and rename last crown prince of China himself Henry from Muhammad tried to make the government 2. Fourth in line to the throne wheelchair president, but his 2. Worked as a haberdasher, prisoner exchange, Stalin 3. Became incredibly popular looked bizarre as a child 3. Completely opposed to 3. Unofficially joined the Axis let him die of a hunger strike 3. Wanted to marry a woman disability was publically known railway timekeeper, clerk, refused; when son was killed 2. Brought to the empress on as a revolutionary hero right 3. Loved Mussolini and tried basically every action France in a bid to remove British 4. Extremely clumsy; nearly who was already married; even at the time mail sorter, and Shabbos Goy by a Nazi by accident, came her deathbed as a child, but up until he allied with Japan to fashion all of his ideas and took between wars, felt they influence; Anglo-Iraqi War drowned in a lake, fell off a George V bribed him to give 2. Installed the current front (non-Jew who does tasks for to hate him slightly less was so annoying that she had 4. Angry at the West's style based on him would weaken it if Germany lasted 29 days bridge, fell several times from it up door on the Oval Office so you observant Jews during because he'd managed to die him removed so she could die exploitation of Chinese 4. Loved Thai traditions but invaded again 4. After he was defeated, his horses, fell over while getting 4. Major stuttering problem have to enter facing the desk; Shabbat); became a judge in a way that was technically in peace resources, so he helped Japan wanted Thailand to look 4. After Germany invaded, government blamed Jews, off of a ship, crashed a plane, 5. World-class tennis player; this made it impossible to see without a law degree; later heroic 3. Didn't know how to blow on kick them out and do the civilized to the West; forced French government dissolved leading to 700+ murders of itself and appointed him as hit by a car competed in Men's Double at his wheelchair unless you applied for a law license while 2. Lenin wrote a letter to the soup to cool it, flush toilets, same thing everyone to wear Western local Iraqi Jews | 5. Extremely skilled landscape Wimbledon came right up to him president so he'd have government that said to not turn off faucets, or open doors 5. Name now means "traitor" clothing and eat with forks leader because he was the painter, complimented by 6. Graduated at the bottom of 3. Cousin of Theodore something to do after leaving give power to Stalin; Stalin in the same way as Quisling or Benedict Arnold instead of their hands (as was most important person left in tradition) until he was an adult Pablo Picasso his class at the naval academy; Roosevelt, who told him that 3. Eyesight too poor to join stole the letter, led Lenin's 4. Was so fascinated by France; took office at 84 wwI; got in by stealing an 6. Forced Britain to invent an probably was pushed through he wanted him to never because of his position funeral procession, and talked telephones that he called 6. Despite many assassination 5. Favorite book was named 5. Sentenced to life in prison oxygen mask that lets you become president eye chart and memorizing it about how great he was random numbers constantly attempts on him, he died of to talk to unknown people "Jews of the East," which was after war; died at 95 years old 6. Tried to use his position as smoke because he wanted to 7. Wanted to study history and 4. Born into obscene wealth 4. Got to be Vice President 3. Once asked by his mother complications from a different about the Chinese minority smoke nonstop if attacked while on an airplane 7. When wife tried to make economics; father forced him 5. Constantly cheated on his only because Democrats to drop out and go on royal what he did, said he's "like the 5. Was not taught anything about sex before his wedding; before the war with Japan; assassination attempt from living in Thailand leader of France to make wife predicted FDR would die in |tsar," mother complained that 6. Due to the way time zones people go outdoors and hike office and they hated his he should have been a priest 6. Intentionally overlooked British spies in the USA whose existing VP tours had no idea what to do when h furious with not being able to work, was invaded by Japan more often him go on a diet, he tampered 8. Wanted to be Governor- 4. Ordered records of his own 7. In 1973, two insane guys try him as a traitor, China tried his wife for treason he was alone with his new both before and after the with the scale to show him as General of Canada; father felt job was to blackmail anti-war 5. Met FDR only twice; almost birthday to be changed stole his coffin and body and lighter than he really was 8. Wrote an alt history short his rank it was too lowly a position for senators because he also wanted to join the war wife; just left the room and attack on Pearl Harbor never informed of what was 5. Hired a guy to inseminate 7. Only Axis leader allowed to demanded he be reburied at going on with the war 6. Only told about the atom bomb after becoming left her in bed with a instead female chimps with human concubine regain power after WWII; Verdun; were refused story about the Confederacy 9. Had the crown put onto his sperm in an attempt to build winning the Civil War 9. Tried to convince the USA 6. Became horribly cruel after Americans liked that he hated head the wrong way at his mutant soldiers he realized he was a Japanese coronation president 6. Was once kidnapped by his communism 8. Sent a declaration of war on the USA to his ambassador in Washington; ambassador "accidentally" lost it and just 7. On deathbed, said only puppet and everyone hated him; regretted his actions to invade Russia after 10. Gave up the title Emperor father and forced to work in defeating Germany of India once India & Pakistan regret was creating the CIA a shoe factory after the war ended and broke away; still called himself 7. Tried to have John Wayne almost committed suicide the King of Pakistan until he assassinated 8. Last emperor of China never sent it to Congress died Wackiness Quotient 90% 20% 60% 10% 109 10% 50% 50% 20% 30% 90% Name Charles de Gualle Chiang Kai-shek Mao Zedong Josip Broz Tito William Lyon Mackenzie King John Curtin loannis Metaxas Hubert Pierlot Getúlio Vargas Peter Fraser Haakon VII Portrait Role Notable Incidents Leader of Free France Chairman of Nationalist Party Chairman of Communist Party Leader of Yugoslav Partisans Prime Minister of Canada Prime Minister of Australia Prime Minister of Greece Prime Minister of Belgium President of Brazil Prime Minister of N. Zealand King of Norway 1. Wanted to show how Paris 1. At 3 years old, swallowed a 1. Married against his will in 1. Extremely poor eyesight 1. Had so many siblings die in 1. Considered to be humorless 1. Had problem where the iris 1. Descended from nobility to 1. Spent entire war in Britain 1. 99% of the way to being a infancy that no one is sure 1. Actually Danish was retaken by the French, so pair of chopsticks to see if he an arranged marriage; ran could; doctor had to save him away to escape it, thereby |and have no charisma of his left eye would disalign the point of his family being in 2. Hated the King of Belgium full-blown fascist, stole many 2. Jailed for opposing the first 2. Would only take the throne he arranged a parade, but which number child he is 2. Communicated with dead when he looked at things; had the Libro d'Oro (directory of after he surrendered to ideas from fascist states; was World War if Norway elected him as king; spirits constnatly, especially no effect, but left him extremely self-conscious couldn't find enough French 2. Spent two years in the nobles) of the lonian Islands in Germany ruining his new wife, who died 2. Failed second grade; was in shame and ruin even invited to join the Axis but refused, later joined the it actually did soldiers, so he got Quebecois Japanese Army in French uniforms; still not terrible at spelling throughout his mother the 1600s; was completely 3. German ambassador told Allies because Germany kept him to appoint Quisling as PM; he threatened to abdicate if 3. Got kidnapped by his own 2. At 68, found a 14 year-old entire life 3. Didn't want to enter WWII; 2. Left school at 13 contemptuous of anyone who enough, so he got Louisianans; generals when he refused to concubine 3. Was going to move to USA; agreed to only if Britain itself 3. Encyclopedic knowledge of wasn't also of noble descent |sinking his merchant ships still not enough, so he got make peace with communists 3. Dropped out of school at couldn't get money for boat was attacked, then had to cricket statistics (the sport) 2. Was 5'1" (155cm); had all 2. Desired a Brazilian national this was done and instead just light-skinned Algerians and while Japan invaded; finally the age of 13 4. Went to a soccer game; | actually make good on that photographs use trickery to identity that obliterated told everyone to resist German immigrant identities, which led him to constantly f--- with put them in the back agreed and was released 4. Refused to bathe or brush players kept stopping the 4. Met Hitler in 1937; believed made him look normal-sized occupation 2. Personally hated by 4. Changed his name an teeth game to argue with the ref; he would lead Germany to a 3. Led Greece against Italy 4. This angered Germany so Churchill and FDR for being unknown number of times; | 5. Had at least one STD; did Tito got angry at them for bright future and be the next and succeeded; died days immigrant communities much that they just blew up incredibly irritating and most only stopped because he got nothing to avoid spreading it wasting time, so he stole the "Joan of Arc" before Germany got involved 3. Annoyed at aristocrats who the entire town he was hiding other French leaders for too famous with his current to his concubines ref's whistle, appointed 5. Kept a shrine to his dead because of an unrelated owned land and were pro- in, forcing him to flee championing himself as the 6. Tried to send 15 million himself as the new ref, and mother in his home pharynx issue farming, so he ignored the law 5. When Sweden refused to one sole savior of France 5. Married two women at Chinese women to the USA dared the players to argue 6. Kept and used a crystal ball 4. Studied in Germany, was a and forced industrialization give him sancuary because it wanted to maintain neutrality, 3. Promoted to general just huge Germanophile; still supported Britain politically once; one died to Japanese, 7. Got angry at Stalin once; with his decisions 7. Saw signs of the future in whenever he felt like it, which before France fell to Germany he divorced the other when responded by holding a 5. After capturing the fifth not just his tea leaves, but was nearly all the time he spent the entire rest of his 4. Absolutely f------ loved he met another woman who meeting with Khrushchev in a assassin sent by Stalin, sent a also his shaving cream 5. Instituted Greece's first | 4. (Probably) ordered an life personally hating all of |dogs, boasted of how he loved wouldn't marry him unless he swimming pool because he 8. Numerologist letter that said "stop or l'll send an assassin of my own, 9. Wrote in a journal every paid holidays, maternity leave, assassination attempted Sweden forever | 6. Spent basically the whole against a political rival that failed; knowing he would be them more than humans got a divorce didn't know how to swim five-day/40 hour work week, 5. Daughter had Down's, he treated her extremely well, be buried in China despite not 8 minutes (world record: 20) 6. Avoided anti-communist when she died, he genuinely being able to leave Taiwan; 9. During WWII, refused to mourned her heavily 6. Specified that he wanted to 8. Claimed to swim a mile in and it won't take five tries" day from 1893 to 1950 minimum wage, paid leaves, war in Scotland recording 10. Owned multiple dogs that banning of child labor, legally removed, he shot himself in pro-resistance messages for guards by borrowing a baby were all named Pat mandating Sunday as a rest the chest, which completely Britain to blast into Norway body is now on "temporary" use toilets, insisted on pooping and letting it poop in his lap 11. Could speak to dogs using day, and strict safety f----- up Brazilian politics for display in a museum in Taiwan outside; finally persuaded to so they wouldn't bother him his psychic powers standards years since 1975 stop post-war 6. Virulent hatred of 7. American generals 10. Suffered from bowel communism nicknamed him "Cash my problems; wife had to learn how to stick her fingers into Check" 8. Flooded most important his ass to solve them river in China to escape Japan; killed 1 million civilians Wackiness Quotient 20% 30% 90% 60% 90% 10% 30% 0% 20% 0% 10% Name Francisco Franco António de Oliveira Salazar Per Albin Hansson Pius XII 14th Dalai Lama Éamon de Valera Henri Guisan Mohammed Zahir Shah Mohammad Reza Pahlavi Ibn Saud Imam Yahya 履 3 同 T 2 Portrait Caudillo of Spain King of Yemen 1. Full name: His Majesty Amir Role Prime Minister of Portugal Prime Minister of Sweden Роpe Dalai Lama Leader of Fianna Fáil General of Switzerland King of Afghanistan Shah of Iran King of Saudi Arabia Notable Incidents 1. Wanted to join the Navy, |1. Only European leader to 1. Extremely boring man who 1. Excommunicated Catholic 1. Became Dalai Lama in 1940 1. Wanted to become a priest, 1. In Switzerland, "General" 1. One of the few countries 1. Father believed that boys 1. Full name: Abulaziz ibn is a political position appointed to someone during the Soviet Union and the but the Spanish-American War allow nonwhite members of just did his job well communists age 4; was considered to be couldn't because he was that received aid from both shown love by their fathers Abdul Rahman ibn Faisal ibn al-Mumenin al-Mutawakkil loss forced Spain to stop Parliament 2. Died of a random heart became homosexual; since Turki ibn Abdullah ibn Ala Allah Rab ul-Alamin Yahya 2. Dropped out of university way too old to take position illegitimate because the food was too recruiting 2. Refused to let go of his attack shortly after the war 2. Only WWII leader still alive 2. President of Ireland is a a time of crisis United States during the Cold this was his favorite son, he abused him constantly Muhammad Al Saud bin al-Mansur Bi'llah colonies even after Britain and ended |awful; got a special order that today he could study at home ceremonial position; he was de facto the leader of Ireland Switzerland's neutrality; 2. Only one testicle 2. Appointed to ensure War 2. 22 wives, 45 sons, unknown Muhammad Hamiddin, Imam 2. Went to Italy for eye 3. Father was 6'4" (193cm), 3. Only in charge because the France decolonized, leading to two people above him on the years of completely pointless 3. Family did not speak the number of daughters, but and Commander of the 3. Wanted to protect Europe Tibetan language 3. Refused to admit death actually planned to ally with surgery, cousin rebelled and he was not; constantly wore "many" Faithful, Prince of the Nationalist side both died in from "the onslaughts of 4. CIA aided him in escaping camps were real not because France if Germany attacked installed a republic; abdicated elevator shoes, had sex with Believers, He Who Relies on overseas wars unrelated incidents 3. Dictator for 34 years securalism and liberalism" to India when China invaded he genuinely believed it, but 3. Declared that Switzerland's to avoid a civil war tall women, and bragged God, the Lord of the Universe" 4. Obsessed with bullfighting; 4. Only owned two pairs of 4. Genuinely thought he could Tibet in 1959 because he needed to claim decentralized political 3. Last King of Afghanistan about how the tallest 2. Hated photography, would is solely responsible for it still business suits that he cycled through every other day stop WWI by going to Kaiser 5. Doesn't want China to the Irish were the most structure means no one in the 4. Might have become king mountain in Iran is taller than only allow drawn portraits being a thing Wilhelm and talking it out; the tallest one in Japan |"find" a fake Dalai Lama that discriminated-against people country has the authority to again in 2002, but the USA will be a puppet, so he's 3. Favorable relations with 5. Set Spain's clocks backward 5. Ordered that he be buried was crushed when he failed in Europe and wanted to claim surrender blocked it 4. Mother gave children magic Jews, except that he enforced match Germany's and Italy's; in an odinary grave next to 5. Probably only got to be threatened to reincarnate in the Axis and Allies were 4. Doubled size of military 5. Accidentally injured himself amulets to ward off the evil a law that forbade them from Spain is still in the wrong time his farmer ancestors in his pope because the previous a Western country as a morally equivalent to justify every time he visited France eye; could use psychic dreams building houses taller than small hometown Ireland's neutrality zone today 6. Invented the family tourist one during in 1939 and they woman 6. Photographer, chess player to learn the future Muslim houses 5. Forbidden from having a needed someone who was an 6. Hobbies include: gardening, 4. Tried to punish Irish people meditation, watch repair expert with Germany 6. Allowed Catholic priests to 7. Declared a boy in Tibet to during WWII package to make Spain a big who joined the British military close relationship with his tourist destination mother to make him manlier; 7. Intentionally made crazy baptize Jewish orphans to be the Pachen Lama (another 5. Only world leader to offer this and his father's treatment demands to join the Axis so legally claim they weren't high-ranking reincranation); condolences on the death of led to severe psychological Hitler would refuse them; Jewish to Germans, then tried China immediately arrested Adolf Hitler problems Hitler said "I would rather 6. Impersonated a bishop 7. Despite being a devout to prevent them from being the boy and claimed the 6. Created a state cult around have three of my own teeth sent back to Jewish relatives Pachen Lama was an Cyrus the Great to imply pulled out than speak to that man again" after the war was over unrelated child they could Catholic, refused to make it a similarities between himself more easily control state religion and the ancient leader 8. After his death, fascists kept 9. Birth name: Lhamo 8. Chief of the Chippewa 7. Once cancelled a lucrative visiting his grave, so the Dhondup, Full Religious Name: Native American tribe contract with Britain because government had to rebury him Jetsun Jamphel Ngawang an East German offered to let Lobsang Yeshe Tenzin Gyatso him sleep with his tall wife 10. You can follow him on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram 60% 20% 0% 30% 50% 60% 0% 10% 70% 20% 30%

world war 2 ww2 wacky axis powers allied powers adolf hitler hermann goering heinrich himmler joseph goebbels reinhard heydrick joachim von ribbentrop albert speer martin bormann rudolph hess karl doenitz blondi benito mussolini victor emmanuel iii hirohito showa hideki tojo carl gustaf emil mannerheim ion antonescu boris iii miklos horthy jozef tiso ante pavelic vidkun quisling puyi wang jinwei plaek phibunsongkhram phippe petain rashid ali al-gaylani neville chamberlain winston churchill george vi franklin d. roosevelt harry s. truman joseph stalin charles de gaulle chiang kai-shek mao zedong josip broz tito william mackenzie king john curtin ioannis metaxas hubert pierlot getulio vargas peter fraser haakon vii francisco franco antonio de oliveira salazar per albin hansson pius xii tenzin gyatso eamon de valera henri guisan mohammed zahir shah mohammed reza pahlavi ibn saud imam yahya

Vlad the Impaler

4chan wojak pink wojak rage vlad iii /his/

Hitler's suicide

S立シつ

S立シつ

Hitler's suicide

hitler 4chan /his/ wojak

TAFT

APPLE PIE.

APPLE PIE.

taft apple pie william howard taft

how /his/aboo are you?

How /his/aboo are you? 2. average /his/aboo 1. /his/aboo lite Germans were directly responsible for the fall of the Roman Empire, as well as both World Wars. >History >& >Humaniies There was only one| good Hapsburg! >History >& >Humanihes Princip is vindicated on account of all Germans 3. radical /his/aboo everywhere deserving a fate far worse than the 4. Sir Arthur Harris Incarnate Archduke. The Nazis entered this war under the rather childish delusion that they were going to bomb everyone else, and nobody was going to bomb them. At Rotterdam, London, Warsaw, and half a hundred other places, they put their rather naive theory into operation. >History >& >Humaniies They sowed the wind, and now they are going to reap the whirlwind.

How /his/aboo are you? 2. average /his/aboo 1. /his/aboo lite Germans were directly responsible for the fall of the Roman Empire, as well as both World Wars. >History >& >Humaniies There was only one| good Hapsburg! >History >& >Humanihes Princip is vindicated on account of all Germans 3. radical /his/aboo everywhere deserving a fate far worse than the 4. Sir Arthur Harris Incarnate Archduke. The Nazis entered this war under the rather childish delusion that they were going to bomb everyone else, and nobody was going to bomb them. At Rotterdam, London, Warsaw, and half a hundred other places, they put their rather naive theory into operation. >History >& >Humaniies They sowed the wind, and now they are going to reap the whirlwind.

polandball bomber harris charles ii germans roman empire

Plinkett reviews WWI

File: plinkett.jpg (66 KB, 480x575) O Anonymous 12/28/17(Thu)12:53:34 No.3892710 >3892713 >3892752 >>3892824 >3892869 >3892892 >>3892922 >>3892989 >389336s 3893384 World War the First One was the most disappointing thing since my son. I mean, how much more could you possibly f--- up the entire backstory to World War lI?! And while my son eventually hanged himself in the bathroom of a gas station, the unfortunate reality of the World War 2 prequel is that it's impact will be around... forever. It will never go away. It can never be If some historian who's under the age of like 45 says his least favorite theater in the Second World War is "The Eastern Front" because before I carefully explain how much of a f------ idiot you are. So where do I possibly start? Nothing in WWI makes any sense at all. It comes off like a war directed by a bunch of 8 year olds. It's like Alfred von Schlieffen finished the Schlieffen-Plan in one draft, like turned it in, and Wilhelm decided to go with it without anyone saying that it made no sense at all, or was a stupid, incoherent mess. I guess war effort. He probably got rid of those people that questioned him creatively a long time ago. (Bismarck Steps Down) I also think that everyone just assumed that a European-wide war would be an instant hit, regardless of what the plot was. Really... how hard could it be to screw up? It's like screwin up mashed potatoes. You boil the water, you pour in the packet. undone. it was "the most nonAmericanist one", then I suggest you close this thread off right now at this point who's gonna question Wilhelm, or tell him what to do? He controls every aspect of the German Number 1: The Characters The biggest and most glaring problem with the First World War is the participants. This is like the most obvious part of Grand Strategy, but I guess I gotta explain it when talking about this turd. (Tommy's fall into mud) So let's start at War Making 101 shall we? You see, in most wars the audience needs a country/ruler to connect with. Typically this figure is called a "Pro-ta-gawnist". O Anonymous 12/28/17 (Thu)12:54:19 No.3892713 392719 3892752 3892824 » >3893204 File: plinkett(2).jpg (130 KB, 1280x720) >>3892710 (OP) (cot'd) When you're in a weird war with like Chemicals, and genocide, and weirdos, the /his/ poster really needs someone who's like a normal person like them to guide them through the story. Now this of course doesn't apply to every war, but it works best in the Industrial, Ancient, and Medieval eras. I picked a few examples to illustrate this point: Hannibal I, Pope Urban II, The Byzantines, The PLC, King Gustav, Napoleon, and Rhodesia. So in addition to being like a pretty cool guy, usually the pro... prutugunist is someone that's down on their luck, in a bad position in their war, or someone who everything just doesn't always go perfectly for them. Eventually they'll be confronted with some kind of obstacle or struggle that they gotta deal with. If we like them, we hope they succeed. The drama in the war is the result of us rooting for them against opposition. Eventually our prumurmrurm will find themselves in the lowest point where it seems like all is lost, but eventually they'll pull through and conquer whatever force opposes them [maybe]. It's satisfying when our hero gets ahead from where they started off at. They make like a change. This is called an "Arc". Often too, they'll get to plunder a town in the end as icing on the cake. Now I need to explain that I don't think that all wars should be the same, or conform to the same kind of structure, but it works well in certain kinda wars. So unless you're in the Troubles, The First Congo Civil War, the Second Congo Civil War, the Burmese Civil War you really shouldn't stray away too far from this kind of formula. Especially if you're making a war that's aimed at recruiting peasants, and has half of the Tommy boys in it that step in the muddy. This is all of course completely applicable to the sequel, and the character of Adolf Hitler. This was accomplished even with all the innovative wonders of killing people faster. O Anonymous 12/28/17 (Thu)12:55:21 No.3892719 ► >3892752 3892824 3892922 »3893384 File: plinkett(3).jpg (23 KB, 480x360) >>3892712 (cot'd) Now with all you've just learned, in this thread that I have made for educational purposes, I want you to tell me who the main character of "World War One" is I can tell you it's not anyone from the Entente. They were just on a boring arms race that they didn't really care about. Plus they were f------ boring themselves. It wasn't from the Central Powers either, cuz they were some foreign alliance who the war was certainly not really about specifically either. You might be thinking that it's Ludendorff and Hindenburg, cuz they were generals that tried to turn the tide of the war at the end by accidentally almost winning, but the two don't obtain their power until 2 years into the war. And then the things that are happening around him are pretty much out of their control or understanding. If a protagonist has no concept of what's goin on or what's at stake, then there's no real tension or drama.. without that there's no story. So the conclusion is that there isn't one. Before the movie opened I was really excited to hear that English soldier "Winston Churchill" was going to be playing Winston Churchill. I thought that was a great choice, and he'd be perfect as the leader of this war. But he wasn't really. He just sat on the ship and invaded Gallipoli a lot. So YOU may like the characters, y'know, if you're stupid. O Anonymous 12/29/17(Fri)04:00:07 No.3895006 >>3895010 >>3895598 >>3895632 File: plinkett(4).png (93 KB, 200x265) Ners WRONG >>3892719 (cot'd) Number 2: The Story The second biggest problem with "The First World War" is the whole course of events leading up to the war and the way the battles were fought. It's almost mind boggling how complex the awfulness is. From the very start of this war I could tell something was really wrong. Just by the way it started. It opens with some boring Prince asking for permission to tour in a city that looks like a half-built town in Switzerland but it's in the middle of Bosnia. What the f--- is that?! Then like 5 cloaked figures walk into a pub. They sit down in a conference room, drink vodka, and wait to meet with something that looks like my ex-wife about assasinating the prince. While they eventually do get to the ball-numbing, mindless action that the malaise-striken fan boys crave, I found myself utterly bored already. Compare this fecal matter to the opening of the Second World War. You see, a guy named William Shakesman once said "Brevity is the soul of wit". This just means don't waste my time. You keep it nice and simple. (Wilhelm inspecting his Pickelhaube) I said stop wasting my time... STOP IT! Without saying one word of awkward, boring, political dialogue that goes on for ten minutes, we know everything we need to know just by the visuals. We get a sense of how disorganized and unprepared the Allies were, and how large and powerful the Reich was. The torn down border marks imply invasion, and the swiftness of the tanks imply the long reach of Blitzkrieg. Those opening moments in Poland got the message the world without having to assassinate ONE PRINCE! In fact, this is so genius, I have a feeling that the remaining WWI leadership had nothing to do with it, and probably fought against putting it in the invasion plan. So this comparison of openings is a small example of the overall styles of both wars. O Anonymous 12/29/17(Fri)04:01:06 No.3895010 ► >>3895014 >>3895598 >>3895632 File: Plinklick.gif (1.88 MB, 286x165) >>3895006 (cot'd) The Second World War was was in my 40's. Good vs. Evil, the king on a campaign, the adventurous knight, a country in distress, the wise old courtiers, gay generals, and an epic quest of conquest. modern day homage to the classic and medieval wars of the past. The kind I used to observe when I The previous World War is about shoving as much crap into each front as possible. This is part of the reason why I find the Holocaust so f------ offensive. Cuz you're into what's happening in the war, and they keep shoving more jews into the camps to distract you. It reminds me of a child waving his arms in the background for attention. Doesn't Europe realize that cluttering the war up with s--- is NOT what makes a World War good? So the war is called "The First World War", and by the nature of the premise there is a clear international effort. Why? Hey idiots! You're not making the "United Nations" here. You're making a war to test weapons out on each other, right? (Wilson) "Gentlemen of the Congress: I have called the Congress into extraordinary session because there are serious, very serious, choices of policy to be made, and made immediately, which it was neither right nor constitutionally permissible that I should assume the responsibility of- How 'bout a European speaker who's motivation is clear? (Zech-Burkersroda)" We announce to you the deployment of an enormous German military force. Any resistance is perfectly futile. Germany guarantees the territorial integrity in Europe and Overseas, as well as the dynasty, if any resistance remains absent. The prequel should be very similar in style to the better war, cuz I don't like things that are different. O Anonymous 12/29/17(Fri)04:02:11 No.3895014 23895021 >3895229 >>3895598 >>3895632 File: confusedalcoholic.jpg (410 KB, 1052x950) >>3895010 (cot'd) Number 3: Crime and European Justice So when you find yourself thinking things like "Huh?" or "What?" when you're watching how illogical players act in a war, it's not really a good sign. So at the end of the war Baden makes Germany a "Reich", even though in their old name on maps it says it's a "Reich". So we'll just refer to it as a Reich. People call me a war criminal even though I ain't never been tried yet. So the Serb's are there to do WHAT exactly? According to the some old books it was to demonstrate a rejection of Austro-Hungarian dominionship over the Southern Slavics... o0ohhh. So what makes a bunch of Serbs experts in dispatching royalty? Anyways, the Austro-Hungarians have set up a tribunal without Serbia's help in order to catch the murderers, which instantly causes some kind of crisis that we never see. Usually an assassination is something you want to look into pretty thouroughly. You see we once set up a whole offshoot of the government to investigate two planes killing 3,000 people in New York. It was a little thing called HURRICANE KATRINA! Geez, you stupid people gotta learn your history right. OK.... I don't get it. Why would The Austro-Hungarian Empire wanna purposefully obstruct their own investigation? The point is I'm still not sure what the assassination was supposed to achieve. And don't any of you f****s tell me that it was explained more in the manifesto of some Slavic militia book. What matters is the war. I ain't never read one of them manifestos, or study politics in general for that matter, and I ain't about to start. Don't talk about them stupid video games, or, or novels... comic books or any of that f------ crap. I see enough of that s---. O Anonymous 12/29/17(Fri)04:03:16 No.3895021 2>3895598 2>3895632 File: buddha_plinkett by_obviou(..).png (832 KB, 1024x1439) Give up all desire and be happy, you f---! >>3895014 (cot'd) Anyways... So I realize that Wilhelm was using the Austrians to create a crisis to advance himself politically and militarily. Like that was the plot, I think? But the conflict from the assasination and the subsequent invasion is the ENTIRE WAR! Understanding what role Austria-Hungary played in this is important. You need to know what the assassination was about, who was getting shot, what kinda lineage would've made this so crucial to the Austrian nation? What was it, like the only male heir? Was there some kinda plague? Did they not have the capacity to survive on such a large selection of Hapsburg burnouts, a powerful economy, and a huge army for ONE day without an heir to the throne? You see I would have accepted the idea of some World Wide Warfare if the motivation was at least clear. So when assassins wearing robes went and did their thing, Franzie just assumes they are Black Hand and issues an ultimatum to Serbia. Then somehow this Emperor knows or thinks they are behind it. Hey idiots, so much for the prep work! Even a grief-striken Uncle could call you out. Maybe Serbia wasn't involved, but whatever. So the Aussies immediately inform this German guy that they're running this alliance with – a guy who looks like French pilot- that Serbia is killing their royalty, and of course - so that we can have an endless myriad of action scenes - he tells them to bomb Belgrade. You see they never once went into a diplomatic hall to say "did you kill him" to the Serbs, and that they'll attempt to settle this diplomatically, but they tell Germany that they are attacking. And then they try to shell them to death based solely on the hunch of a few government lackeys. Who's f------ with my medicine?!?!? Anonymous Sun 31 Dec 2017 17:50:17 No.3906831 Report Quoted By: >>3907108 >>3907724 Describe the following World War characters WITHOUT saying what they look like, what kind of uniform they wore, or what their profession or role in the war was. describe this character to your friends like they aint never seen the World War. The more descriptive, the better the character, right? >ADOLF HITLER >Franz Ferdinand. >GEORGE S PATTON >H.H. Asquith...

File: plinkett.jpg (66 KB, 480x575) O Anonymous 12/28/17(Thu)12:53:34 No.3892710 >3892713 >3892752 >>3892824 >3892869 >3892892 >>3892922 >>3892989 >389336s 3893384 World War the First One was the most disappointing thing since my son. I mean, how much more could you possibly f--- up the entire backstory to World War lI?! And while my son eventually hanged himself in the bathroom of a gas station, the unfortunate reality of the World War 2 prequel is that it's impact will be around... forever. It will never go away. It can never be If some historian who's under the age of like 45 says his least favorite theater in the Second World War is "The Eastern Front" because before I carefully explain how much of a f------ idiot you are. So where do I possibly start? Nothing in WWI makes any sense at all. It comes off like a war directed by a bunch of 8 year olds. It's like Alfred von Schlieffen finished the Schlieffen-Plan in one draft, like turned it in, and Wilhelm decided to go with it without anyone saying that it made no sense at all, or was a stupid, incoherent mess. I guess war effort. He probably got rid of those people that questioned him creatively a long time ago. (Bismarck Steps Down) I also think that everyone just assumed that a European-wide war would be an instant hit, regardless of what the plot was. Really... how hard could it be to screw up? It's like screwin up mashed potatoes. You boil the water, you pour in the packet. undone. it was "the most nonAmericanist one", then I suggest you close this thread off right now at this point who's gonna question Wilhelm, or tell him what to do? He controls every aspect of the German Number 1: The Characters The biggest and most glaring problem with the First World War is the participants. This is like the most obvious part of Grand Strategy, but I guess I gotta explain it when talking about this turd. (Tommy's fall into mud) So let's start at War Making 101 shall we? You see, in most wars the audience needs a country/ruler to connect with. Typically this figure is called a "Pro-ta-gawnist". O Anonymous 12/28/17 (Thu)12:54:19 No.3892713 392719 3892752 3892824 » >3893204 File: plinkett(2).jpg (130 KB, 1280x720) >>3892710 (OP) (cot'd) When you're in a weird war with like Chemicals, and genocide, and weirdos, the /his/ poster really needs someone who's like a normal person like them to guide them through the story. Now this of course doesn't apply to every war, but it works best in the Industrial, Ancient, and Medieval eras. I picked a few examples to illustrate this point: Hannibal I, Pope Urban II, The Byzantines, The PLC, King Gustav, Napoleon, and Rhodesia. So in addition to being like a pretty cool guy, usually the pro... prutugunist is someone that's down on their luck, in a bad position in their war, or someone who everything just doesn't always go perfectly for them. Eventually they'll be confronted with some kind of obstacle or struggle that they gotta deal with. If we like them, we hope they succeed. The drama in the war is the result of us rooting for them against opposition. Eventually our prumurmrurm will find themselves in the lowest point where it seems like all is lost, but eventually they'll pull through and conquer whatever force opposes them [maybe]. It's satisfying when our hero gets ahead from where they started off at. They make like a change. This is called an "Arc". Often too, they'll get to plunder a town in the end as icing on the cake. Now I need to explain that I don't think that all wars should be the same, or conform to the same kind of structure, but it works well in certain kinda wars. So unless you're in the Troubles, The First Congo Civil War, the Second Congo Civil War, the Burmese Civil War you really shouldn't stray away too far from this kind of formula. Especially if you're making a war that's aimed at recruiting peasants, and has half of the Tommy boys in it that step in the muddy. This is all of course completely applicable to the sequel, and the character of Adolf Hitler. This was accomplished even with all the innovative wonders of killing people faster. O Anonymous 12/28/17 (Thu)12:55:21 No.3892719 ► >3892752 3892824 3892922 »3893384 File: plinkett(3).jpg (23 KB, 480x360) >>3892712 (cot'd) Now with all you've just learned, in this thread that I have made for educational purposes, I want you to tell me who the main character of "World War One" is I can tell you it's not anyone from the Entente. They were just on a boring arms race that they didn't really care about. Plus they were f------ boring themselves. It wasn't from the Central Powers either, cuz they were some foreign alliance who the war was certainly not really about specifically either. You might be thinking that it's Ludendorff and Hindenburg, cuz they were generals that tried to turn the tide of the war at the end by accidentally almost winning, but the two don't obtain their power until 2 years into the war. And then the things that are happening around him are pretty much out of their control or understanding. If a protagonist has no concept of what's goin on or what's at stake, then there's no real tension or drama.. without that there's no story. So the conclusion is that there isn't one. Before the movie opened I was really excited to hear that English soldier "Winston Churchill" was going to be playing Winston Churchill. I thought that was a great choice, and he'd be perfect as the leader of this war. But he wasn't really. He just sat on the ship and invaded Gallipoli a lot. So YOU may like the characters, y'know, if you're stupid. O Anonymous 12/29/17(Fri)04:00:07 No.3895006 >>3895010 >>3895598 >>3895632 File: plinkett(4).png (93 KB, 200x265) Ners WRONG >>3892719 (cot'd) Number 2: The Story The second biggest problem with "The First World War" is the whole course of events leading up to the war and the way the battles were fought. It's almost mind boggling how complex the awfulness is. From the very start of this war I could tell something was really wrong. Just by the way it started. It opens with some boring Prince asking for permission to tour in a city that looks like a half-built town in Switzerland but it's in the middle of Bosnia. What the f--- is that?! Then like 5 cloaked figures walk into a pub. They sit down in a conference room, drink vodka, and wait to meet with something that looks like my ex-wife about assasinating the prince. While they eventually do get to the ball-numbing, mindless action that the malaise-striken fan boys crave, I found myself utterly bored already. Compare this fecal matter to the opening of the Second World War. You see, a guy named William Shakesman once said "Brevity is the soul of wit". This just means don't waste my time. You keep it nice and simple. (Wilhelm inspecting his Pickelhaube) I said stop wasting my time... STOP IT! Without saying one word of awkward, boring, political dialogue that goes on for ten minutes, we know everything we need to know just by the visuals. We get a sense of how disorganized and unprepared the Allies were, and how large and powerful the Reich was. The torn down border marks imply invasion, and the swiftness of the tanks imply the long reach of Blitzkrieg. Those opening moments in Poland got the message the world without having to assassinate ONE PRINCE! In fact, this is so genius, I have a feeling that the remaining WWI leadership had nothing to do with it, and probably fought against putting it in the invasion plan. So this comparison of openings is a small example of the overall styles of both wars. O Anonymous 12/29/17(Fri)04:01:06 No.3895010 ► >>3895014 >>3895598 >>3895632 File: Plinklick.gif (1.88 MB, 286x165) >>3895006 (cot'd) The Second World War was was in my 40's. Good vs. Evil, the king on a campaign, the adventurous knight, a country in distress, the wise old courtiers, gay generals, and an epic quest of conquest. modern day homage to the classic and medieval wars of the past. The kind I used to observe when I The previous World War is about shoving as much crap into each front as possible. This is part of the reason why I find the Holocaust so f------ offensive. Cuz you're into what's happening in the war, and they keep shoving more jews into the camps to distract you. It reminds me of a child waving his arms in the background for attention. Doesn't Europe realize that cluttering the war up with s--- is NOT what makes a World War good? So the war is called "The First World War", and by the nature of the premise there is a clear international effort. Why? Hey idiots! You're not making the "United Nations" here. You're making a war to test weapons out on each other, right? (Wilson) "Gentlemen of the Congress: I have called the Congress into extraordinary session because there are serious, very serious, choices of policy to be made, and made immediately, which it was neither right nor constitutionally permissible that I should assume the responsibility of- How 'bout a European speaker who's motivation is clear? (Zech-Burkersroda)" We announce to you the deployment of an enormous German military force. Any resistance is perfectly futile. Germany guarantees the territorial integrity in Europe and Overseas, as well as the dynasty, if any resistance remains absent. The prequel should be very similar in style to the better war, cuz I don't like things that are different. O Anonymous 12/29/17(Fri)04:02:11 No.3895014 23895021 >3895229 >>3895598 >>3895632 File: confusedalcoholic.jpg (410 KB, 1052x950) >>3895010 (cot'd) Number 3: Crime and European Justice So when you find yourself thinking things like "Huh?" or "What?" when you're watching how illogical players act in a war, it's not really a good sign. So at the end of the war Baden makes Germany a "Reich", even though in their old name on maps it says it's a "Reich". So we'll just refer to it as a Reich. People call me a war criminal even though I ain't never been tried yet. So the Serb's are there to do WHAT exactly? According to the some old books it was to demonstrate a rejection of Austro-Hungarian dominionship over the Southern Slavics... o0ohhh. So what makes a bunch of Serbs experts in dispatching royalty? Anyways, the Austro-Hungarians have set up a tribunal without Serbia's help in order to catch the murderers, which instantly causes some kind of crisis that we never see. Usually an assassination is something you want to look into pretty thouroughly. You see we once set up a whole offshoot of the government to investigate two planes killing 3,000 people in New York. It was a little thing called HURRICANE KATRINA! Geez, you stupid people gotta learn your history right. OK.... I don't get it. Why would The Austro-Hungarian Empire wanna purposefully obstruct their own investigation? The point is I'm still not sure what the assassination was supposed to achieve. And don't any of you f****s tell me that it was explained more in the manifesto of some Slavic militia book. What matters is the war. I ain't never read one of them manifestos, or study politics in general for that matter, and I ain't about to start. Don't talk about them stupid video games, or, or novels... comic books or any of that f------ crap. I see enough of that s---. O Anonymous 12/29/17(Fri)04:03:16 No.3895021 2>3895598 2>3895632 File: buddha_plinkett by_obviou(..).png (832 KB, 1024x1439) Give up all desire and be happy, you f---! >>3895014 (cot'd) Anyways... So I realize that Wilhelm was using the Austrians to create a crisis to advance himself politically and militarily. Like that was the plot, I think? But the conflict from the assasination and the subsequent invasion is the ENTIRE WAR! Understanding what role Austria-Hungary played in this is important. You need to know what the assassination was about, who was getting shot, what kinda lineage would've made this so crucial to the Austrian nation? What was it, like the only male heir? Was there some kinda plague? Did they not have the capacity to survive on such a large selection of Hapsburg burnouts, a powerful economy, and a huge army for ONE day without an heir to the throne? You see I would have accepted the idea of some World Wide Warfare if the motivation was at least clear. So when assassins wearing robes went and did their thing, Franzie just assumes they are Black Hand and issues an ultimatum to Serbia. Then somehow this Emperor knows or thinks they are behind it. Hey idiots, so much for the prep work! Even a grief-striken Uncle could call you out. Maybe Serbia wasn't involved, but whatever. So the Aussies immediately inform this German guy that they're running this alliance with – a guy who looks like French pilot- that Serbia is killing their royalty, and of course - so that we can have an endless myriad of action scenes - he tells them to bomb Belgrade. You see they never once went into a diplomatic hall to say "did you kill him" to the Serbs, and that they'll attempt to settle this diplomatically, but they tell Germany that they are attacking. And then they try to shell them to death based solely on the hunch of a few government lackeys. Who's f------ with my medicine?!?!? Anonymous Sun 31 Dec 2017 17:50:17 No.3906831 Report Quoted By: >>3907108 >>3907724 Describe the following World War characters WITHOUT saying what they look like, what kind of uniform they wore, or what their profession or role in the war was. describe this character to your friends like they aint never seen the World War. The more descriptive, the better the character, right? >ADOLF HITLER >Franz Ferdinand. >GEORGE S PATTON >H.H. Asquith...

mr plinkett mr. plinkett harry plinkett harry s plinkett harry s. plinkett redlettermedia red lerrer media ww1 wwi world war 1 world war one first world war great war history historical 4chan

Great Fire of Rome

nero roman emperor roman nero claudius caesar augustus germanicus roman empire rome burns rome wojak 4chan great fire of rome

The Assassination of Lincoln

abraham lincoln linclon 16th u.s. president wojak john wilkes booth 4chan president assassination mary lincoln

The Great Lad himself

henry viii of england henry viii england english the king wojak 4chan

FPBP

Anonymous Fri 29 Jan 2021 18:25:26 No.10350800 View Reply Original Report [156 / 30 / 75 Quoted By: >>10350802 >>10350808 >>10350816 >>10350823 >>10350827 >>10351461 >>10351728 >>10351741 >>10352085 >>10352127 >>10352413 >>10352850 >>10352894 >>10352921 >>10352934 >>10353409 >>10353460 >>10354551 >>10357947 >>10361704 >>10361843 >>10362038 >>10362370 >>10362440 What are some good things Hitler did? Anonymous Fri 29 Jan 2021 18:26:00 No.10350802 Report Quoted By: >>10350810 >>10352440 >>10353503 >>10353519 >>10356263 >>10357947 >>10358316 >>10358335 >>10361924 >10362336 >>10350800 Killing himself

Anonymous Fri 29 Jan 2021 18:25:26 No.10350800 View Reply Original Report [156 / 30 / 75 Quoted By: >>10350802 >>10350808 >>10350816 >>10350823 >>10350827 >>10351461 >>10351728 >>10351741 >>10352085 >>10352127 >>10352413 >>10352850 >>10352894 >>10352921 >>10352934 >>10353409 >>10353460 >>10354551 >>10357947 >>10361704 >>10361843 >>10362038 >>10362370 >>10362440 What are some good things Hitler did? Anonymous Fri 29 Jan 2021 18:26:00 No.10350802 Report Quoted By: >>10350810 >>10352440 >>10353503 >>10353519 >>10356263 >>10357947 >>10358316 >>10358335 >>10361924 >10362336 >>10350800 Killing himself

Henry VIII over Earth

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Henry VIII executing his wife Catherine

Henry VIII executing his wife Catherine (13 February, 1541)

Henry VIII executing his wife Catherine (13 February, 1541)

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United States Presidents

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Gaius & Aulus - Bros 4 Life

1.7.8 (bar; left of the door); 8162: We two dear men, friends forever, were here. If you want to know our names, they are Gaius and Aulus. Gaius & Aulus Bros 4 LIFE

1.7.8 (bar; left of the door); 8162: We two dear men, friends forever, were here. If you want to know our names, they are Gaius and Aulus. Gaius & Aulus Bros 4 LIFE

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More Wives, Your Grace?

If you are browsing a /his/ thread and see this you have been visited by THE KING S Male sons and many feasts will come to you, but only if you post More wives, your grace?

If you are browsing a /his/ thread and see this you have been visited by THE KING S Male sons and many feasts will come to you, but only if you post More wives, your grace?

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Russo-Japanese War and the Baltic Fleet

O Anonymous 08/12/14(Tue)15:27:26 No.22354207 >>22354277 >>22355175 >>22357021 >>22358664 >>22371568 >>22372384 >>22379035 File: U SHUDNT OF WRONGED THE B(...).gif (912 KB, 397x312) >Russo-Japanese War >Pacific Fleet gets bottled up in Vladivostok, Russian land forces getting BTFO >Admiralty decides to send the Baltic Fleet to the Pacific to save the day >six battleships, most modern warships Russia has >crews and ships completely unprepared for combat >the battleship Oryol sinks in the harbor before they even leave LONG LIVE QUEEN ELIZASETH >finally make it out into the North Sea behind schedule in autumn 1904 >Britain is Japan's ally, not at war but suspected of aiding the Japanese somehow because you can't trust merchants >midnight on the North Sea, Dogger Bank off the East Coast of England >suddenly, the supply freighter Kamchatka signals that she is under attack by torpedo boats >PANIC.jpg >entire fleet comes about and steams straight into save their comrade, guns blazing >the cruisers Aurora and Dmitri Donskoy are misidentified as Japanese and hit repeatedly by friendly fire, killing a sailor and a ship's chaplain >numerous cruisers report being hit by torpedoes, begin emergency maneuvers >the battleship Borodino reports being boarded by Japanese forces, crew attempt to abandon ship >20 minutes of panicked firing later, someone signals to cease fire >searchlights illuminate a tiny cluster of unarmed, severely distressed British fishing trawlers, one slowly sinking >three Englishmen dead >0ops >Russian fleet decides to just keep sailing and pretend nothing happened >next morning, trawlers limp home, the Royal Navy absolutely flips their s--- and raises steam on the entire Channel Fleet >suddenly the Russians find their six-battleship fleet being pursued by TWENTY-EIGHT battleships >surrounded and forced to park off Spain until St. Petersburg finally apologizes and gives Britain enough money not to sink their entire navy as revenge If you're counting, you'll have noticed that the Russians only managed a 2:3 kill ratio against unarmed fishermen. The Oryol fired 500 shells and hit nothing. This is the fleet they expected to save Vladivostok from the Japanese. O Anonymous 08/12/14(Tue)19:34:24 No.22357021 >>22361827>>22362096 >>22362379 >>22363521>>22363923 >>22379035 File: tsushima.jpg (70 KB, 512x323) >>22354207 The Baltic Fleet (or "2nd Pacific Squadron") was comedy f------ gold all the way from St. Petersburg to Tsushima >fleet preparing to set sail, when a mysterious submarine is found in a crate aboard an American clipper >base goes on full alert because it must be an attempted Japanese sneak attack!!! >turns out the Russian Admiralty bought a submarine but forgot to tell anyone in the fleet or the port authority >Bongs finally let the fleet go after holding them hostage at Tangiers under the guns of half the RN >Circumnavigating the Cape of Good Hope, support freighters and transports keep falling out due to mechanical failure >Baltic Fleet finally reaches Madagascar, only to find a message ordering them to hold there indefinitely >turns out the Admiralty decided to dispatch reinforcements (all old, broken-down ships which the fleet commander had explicitly refused) with orders to "Locate the Baltic Fleet, whose course and heading are unknown to us.." >2 months sitting in port at Madagascar in summertime >all crews are confined to ships the whole time >malaria everywhere >four different Torpedo Destroyers lost to mechanical failures just from sitting at anchor >three separate mutinies by p----- off, diseased crewmen >reinforcements still not there >decide to hold gunnery practice >every single battleship misses their targets on every salvo >exactly one hit scored, on the tug towing the target ship >gunnery practice is aborted early because it turns out the Admiralty didn't issue enough ammunition for the battleships, while Kamchatka suddenly starts signaling that she's sinking for no reason and one of the cruisers has to stop practice because of a "very large snake" wrapped around the breech of their fore battery >dozens of crew dead of malaria, decide to hold funeral at sea >Borodino accidentally uses live ammunition for the salute >hits the Aurora, again >reinforcements finally arrive >ur f----- now, cyka nips >Tsushima ensues

O Anonymous 08/12/14(Tue)15:27:26 No.22354207 >>22354277 >>22355175 >>22357021 >>22358664 >>22371568 >>22372384 >>22379035 File: U SHUDNT OF WRONGED THE B(...).gif (912 KB, 397x312) >Russo-Japanese War >Pacific Fleet gets bottled up in Vladivostok, Russian land forces getting BTFO >Admiralty decides to send the Baltic Fleet to the Pacific to save the day >six battleships, most modern warships Russia has >crews and ships completely unprepared for combat >the battleship Oryol sinks in the harbor before they even leave LONG LIVE QUEEN ELIZASETH >finally make it out into the North Sea behind schedule in autumn 1904 >Britain is Japan's ally, not at war but suspected of aiding the Japanese somehow because you can't trust merchants >midnight on the North Sea, Dogger Bank off the East Coast of England >suddenly, the supply freighter Kamchatka signals that she is under attack by torpedo boats >PANIC.jpg >entire fleet comes about and steams straight into save their comrade, guns blazing >the cruisers Aurora and Dmitri Donskoy are misidentified as Japanese and hit repeatedly by friendly fire, killing a sailor and a ship's chaplain >numerous cruisers report being hit by torpedoes, begin emergency maneuvers >the battleship Borodino reports being boarded by Japanese forces, crew attempt to abandon ship >20 minutes of panicked firing later, someone signals to cease fire >searchlights illuminate a tiny cluster of unarmed, severely distressed British fishing trawlers, one slowly sinking >three Englishmen dead >0ops >Russian fleet decides to just keep sailing and pretend nothing happened >next morning, trawlers limp home, the Royal Navy absolutely flips their s--- and raises steam on the entire Channel Fleet >suddenly the Russians find their six-battleship fleet being pursued by TWENTY-EIGHT battleships >surrounded and forced to park off Spain until St. Petersburg finally apologizes and gives Britain enough money not to sink their entire navy as revenge If you're counting, you'll have noticed that the Russians only managed a 2:3 kill ratio against unarmed fishermen. The Oryol fired 500 shells and hit nothing. This is the fleet they expected to save Vladivostok from the Japanese. O Anonymous 08/12/14(Tue)19:34:24 No.22357021 >>22361827>>22362096 >>22362379 >>22363521>>22363923 >>22379035 File: tsushima.jpg (70 KB, 512x323) >>22354207 The Baltic Fleet (or "2nd Pacific Squadron") was comedy f------ gold all the way from St. Petersburg to Tsushima >fleet preparing to set sail, when a mysterious submarine is found in a crate aboard an American clipper >base goes on full alert because it must be an attempted Japanese sneak attack!!! >turns out the Russian Admiralty bought a submarine but forgot to tell anyone in the fleet or the port authority >Bongs finally let the fleet go after holding them hostage at Tangiers under the guns of half the RN >Circumnavigating the Cape of Good Hope, support freighters and transports keep falling out due to mechanical failure >Baltic Fleet finally reaches Madagascar, only to find a message ordering them to hold there indefinitely >turns out the Admiralty decided to dispatch reinforcements (all old, broken-down ships which the fleet commander had explicitly refused) with orders to "Locate the Baltic Fleet, whose course and heading are unknown to us.." >2 months sitting in port at Madagascar in summertime >all crews are confined to ships the whole time >malaria everywhere >four different Torpedo Destroyers lost to mechanical failures just from sitting at anchor >three separate mutinies by p----- off, diseased crewmen >reinforcements still not there >decide to hold gunnery practice >every single battleship misses their targets on every salvo >exactly one hit scored, on the tug towing the target ship >gunnery practice is aborted early because it turns out the Admiralty didn't issue enough ammunition for the battleships, while Kamchatka suddenly starts signaling that she's sinking for no reason and one of the cruisers has to stop practice because of a "very large snake" wrapped around the breech of their fore battery >dozens of crew dead of malaria, decide to hold funeral at sea >Borodino accidentally uses live ammunition for the salute >hits the Aurora, again >reinforcements finally arrive >ur f----- now, cyka nips >Tsushima ensues

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