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My (33F) husband's (35M) career in academic philosophy is ruining our marriage.

hegelianwife 16 2019-09-21 15:14:05 My husband and I are both academics. We've been married for 3 years, and been together for 6. He is an academic philosopher and I am a physicist. He has recently expressed displeasure that I've never seriously engaged with his work. Now, I've read a bit of the classics of philosophy, but my husband's work is more in what I'm told is called the "continental" tradition. Unfortunately, everything he's shown me has just seems completely insane. Here's the problem: his work apparently involves claims about physics that are just wrong, and wrong in a very embarrassing way! I'll admit, I'm a terrible person, but I had never read his thesis before. I tried reading it and it's riddled with talk about for instance the necessary relationship between matter having "extension" and possessing mass. He also talks about the "shape" of fundamental particles. This is obviously nonsensical/wrong; electrons have mass and are point particles (they don't take up space really). In the thesis and some other papers he wrote he seems to think of himself as "scientific" and a "materialist" but his entire idea of what these words mean is stuck in like, outdated 19th century ideas about atoms as little billiard balls flying around in space. I've gently tried to help him and explain how he might start to engage seriously with contemporary physics (he has never read a book on the subject and is by his own admission "bad at math"), but he just gets angry with me and explains that Hegel's system is presuppositional and the basis for all possible rational thought so there is no need at all to read other texts in the first place (I have no idea what this means). He will throw out terms like "speculative propositions" but when I ask him to explain what this means or give me examples he just starts giving me more inscrutable jargon that makes no sense. On top of that, he will repeatedly say German phrases or terms that he uses (and pronounces) incorrectly (I am a native speaker) or nonsensically. He claims to understand the language (he doesn't) and tells me that Hegel can only be understood "in the original German" but he clearly can't read the language and when I've tried to read the original texts they make even less sense. On top of this, his obsession with Hegel himself has reached the point of creepiness. At one point he literally told me that all other work either agrees with Hegel so is redundant, or disagrees with Hegel and is wrong. He keeps a framed picture of Hegel on the nightstand in our bedroom. In fact, he even changed his phone's background from a picture of me to this same picture of Hegel. I feel like I am competing with a 200 year old philosopher for my husband's attention Recently we got in a huge fight because he was trying to demonstrate an example of the Hegelian concept of the "unity of opposites" (whatever that means) by claiming that right and left hands are opposite but also identical. I told him this is just wrong and that right and left hands are not "identical" in any meaningful sense (chirality is a basic concept in geometry/group theory: left and right hands are not superimposable). He kept putting his hands together and tried to show how they were "identical" and kept failing (because they're not) and then got angry and stormed out of the house. I haven't seen him since (this was about a day ago) and texted him and haven't heard back. What do I do Reddit? Do I just let this go? It's immensely frustrating that my account of my own field is not being taken seriously. He asked me to engage with his work, so I did. But it seems like he won't repay me in kind. He has told me repeatedly that Hegel makes empirical science unnecessary and implied that my work is a waste of time and that I should just be studying German idealism instead and read people like "Fichte" and "Schelling" (who are apparently very popular in Germany but I've never heard of them). Why is it okay for him to belittle my field but I can't offer mild criticism of his? TL;DR: My husband's academic work is embarrassingly wrong and can't take any criticism.
hegelianwife 16 2019-09-21 15:14:05 My husband and I are both academics. We've been married for 3 years, and been together for 6. He is an academic philosopher and I am a physicist. He has recently expressed displeasure that I've never seriously engaged with his work. Now, I've read a bit of the classics of philosophy, but my husband's work is more in what I'm told is called the "continental" tradition. Unfortunately, everything he's shown me has just seems completely insane. Here's the problem: his work apparently involves claims about physics that are just wrong, and wrong in a very embarrassing way! I'll admit, I'm a terrible person, but I had never read his thesis before. I tried reading it and it's riddled with talk about for instance the necessary relationship between matter having "extension" and possessing mass. He also talks about the "shape" of fundamental particles. This is obviously nonsensical/wrong; electrons have mass and are point particles (they don't take up space really). In the thesis and some other papers he wrote he seems to think of himself as "scientific" and a "materialist" but his entire idea of what these words mean is stuck in like, outdated 19th century ideas about atoms as little billiard balls flying around in space. I've gently tried to help him and explain how he might start to engage seriously with contemporary physics (he has never read a book on the subject and is by his own admission "bad at math"), but he just gets angry with me and explains that Hegel's system is presuppositional and the basis for all possible rational thought so there is no need at all to read other texts in the first place (I have no idea what this means). He will throw out terms like "speculative propositions" but when I ask him to explain what this means or give me examples he just starts giving me more inscrutable jargon that makes no sense. On top of that, he will repeatedly say German phrases or terms that he uses (and pronounces) incorrectly (I am a native speaker) or nonsensically. He claims to understand the language (he doesn't) and tells me that Hegel can only be understood "in the original German" but he clearly can't read the language and when I've tried to read the original texts they make even less sense. On top of this, his obsession with Hegel himself has reached the point of creepiness. At one point he literally told me that all other work either agrees with Hegel so is redundant, or disagrees with Hegel and is wrong. He keeps a framed picture of Hegel on the nightstand in our bedroom. In fact, he even changed his phone's background from a picture of me to this same picture of Hegel. I feel like I am competing with a 200 year old philosopher for my husband's attention Recently we got in a huge fight because he was trying to demonstrate an example of the Hegelian concept of the "unity of opposites" (whatever that means) by claiming that right and left hands are opposite but also identical. I told him this is just wrong and that right and left hands are not "identical" in any meaningful sense (chirality is a basic concept in geometry/group theory: left and right hands are not superimposable). He kept putting his hands together and tried to show how they were "identical" and kept failing (because they're not) and then got angry and stormed out of the house. I haven't seen him since (this was about a day ago) and texted him and haven't heard back. What do I do Reddit? Do I just let this go? It's immensely frustrating that my account of my own field is not being taken seriously. He asked me to engage with his work, so I did. But it seems like he won't repay me in kind. He has told me repeatedly that Hegel makes empirical science unnecessary and implied that my work is a waste of time and that I should just be studying German idealism instead and read people like "Fichte" and "Schelling" (who are apparently very popular in Germany but I've never heard of them). Why is it okay for him to belittle my field but I can't offer mild criticism of his? TL;DR: My husband's academic work is embarrassingly wrong and can't take any criticism.

/r/Relationships
reddit relationships philosophy twitter hegel

Fart Boundaries

Me [29/M] and my 124/F] girlfriend are having difficulties setting fart boundaries Relationships-doctorhummus . 3 hours ago . relationships-50% upvoted My girlfriend and I have been together for 3 beautiful years in a very nourishing relationship. However, one thing that has become clear in recent months is that we have different fart boundaries. About half way into our relationship my gf sat me down and ex- plained that I need to be more open about my bowel habits with her, because she has coeliac disease thus it is something she needs to be open about with a serious partner. This turned out to be a really (albeit unexpected) healthy development for me, l felt less shame about pooping and discussing poop in general. The next issue was farts. As we became more comfortable discussing bowel and body habits in general together we started openly farting around each other. This was uncomfortable at first but gradually became kind of funny and playful. The boundaries were clear too, if you have an accidental fart or one you can't keep in then go for it buddy but no sucking your belly button into your a------ trying to squeeze out a fiery fart demon from hell. But recently things have taken a turn She is definitely squeezing them out. Like recently, we were cuddled up on the sofa and my foot was near her ass and I literally felt her clench and squeeze an earth shattering fart and then giggle afterwards. How do I navigate this situation? Am I in the wrong for shaming her? How do other couples deal with farts? tl:dr gf and I have difficulties with fart boundaries, need opinions
Me [29/M] and my 124/F] girlfriend are having difficulties setting fart boundaries Relationships-doctorhummus . 3 hours ago . relationships-50% upvoted My girlfriend and I have been together for 3 beautiful years in a very nourishing relationship. However, one thing that has become clear in recent months is that we have different fart boundaries. About half way into our relationship my gf sat me down and ex- plained that I need to be more open about my bowel habits with her, because she has coeliac disease thus it is something she needs to be open about with a serious partner. This turned out to be a really (albeit unexpected) healthy development for me, l felt less shame about pooping and discussing poop in general. The next issue was farts. As we became more comfortable discussing bowel and body habits in general together we started openly farting around each other. This was uncomfortable at first but gradually became kind of funny and playful. The boundaries were clear too, if you have an accidental fart or one you can't keep in then go for it buddy but no sucking your belly button into your a------ trying to squeeze out a fiery fart demon from hell. But recently things have taken a turn She is definitely squeezing them out. Like recently, we were cuddled up on the sofa and my foot was near her ass and I literally felt her clench and squeeze an earth shattering fart and then giggle afterwards. How do I navigate this situation? Am I in the wrong for shaming her? How do other couples deal with farts? tl:dr gf and I have difficulties with fart boundaries, need opinions

/r/Relationships
fart reddit

Inflation Fetish

My [21F] boyfriend [22M] can only c-- unless I'm severely bloated. Our sex life has died before it's even begun. onionsumo-11 hours ago . sex-87% upvoted My boyfriend watches animated blueberry p--- and it is one of the only ways to get him "properly" hard or to c--. Sometimes he watches inflation p--- but it doesn't do half as much as blueberry p--- does for him. However, this has lead to our sex lives being very clearly incompatible. He isn't bothered about sex all that much but the process of inflation is the only thing that really excites him Last time we did anything sexual, I had to chug two litres of coke and eat a whole packet of mentos along with a litre of water. It was really uncomfortable for me but it clearly made him happy and he even managed to c-- after a considerable amount of time, so l simply obliged. I can't perform oral on him and he doesn't perform oral on me because it's not exciting and my stomach isn't in view so he's basically turned off. However, even with all the bloating I do for him to make him happy, he will still close his eyes and try to imagine me as a blueberry, something which l think is possibly going to have a really bad effect on our sex life but it makes him happy so I leave him be. He's even started learning photoshop just so he can edit me into a blueberry. I am worried this is going to change his perception of me and maybe in time he won't even be able to get hard because of the expectations he has for the amount of bloating to happen, but, again, it makes him happy so I don't say anything We can't have sex without me being severely bloated, which also comes with risks (which I have mentioned many, many times to no prevail), and being in pain from the cramps I've asked if we'd ever be able to do anything sexual without me being bloated and the answer was "no" as he wouldn't be able to get hard and it wouldn't excite him. He's mentioned that he finds me attractive even when I'm not bloated so... I'm confused He's suggested trying to stop masturbating to blueberry p--- and try doing it to normal p--- but I know it won't work and I don't want to change him to suit my needs. Despite all of this, we have been together for 2 months and those 2 months have been amazing. I'm willing to do a lot for him, but this simply stumps me If anyone has any idea of what I can do, please suggest. Thanks tl:dr boyfriend can only really c-- to blueberry p---
My [21F] boyfriend [22M] can only c-- unless I'm severely bloated. Our sex life has died before it's even begun. onionsumo-11 hours ago . sex-87% upvoted My boyfriend watches animated blueberry p--- and it is one of the only ways to get him "properly" hard or to c--. Sometimes he watches inflation p--- but it doesn't do half as much as blueberry p--- does for him. However, this has lead to our sex lives being very clearly incompatible. He isn't bothered about sex all that much but the process of inflation is the only thing that really excites him Last time we did anything sexual, I had to chug two litres of coke and eat a whole packet of mentos along with a litre of water. It was really uncomfortable for me but it clearly made him happy and he even managed to c-- after a considerable amount of time, so l simply obliged. I can't perform oral on him and he doesn't perform oral on me because it's not exciting and my stomach isn't in view so he's basically turned off. However, even with all the bloating I do for him to make him happy, he will still close his eyes and try to imagine me as a blueberry, something which l think is possibly going to have a really bad effect on our sex life but it makes him happy so I leave him be. He's even started learning photoshop just so he can edit me into a blueberry. I am worried this is going to change his perception of me and maybe in time he won't even be able to get hard because of the expectations he has for the amount of bloating to happen, but, again, it makes him happy so I don't say anything We can't have sex without me being severely bloated, which also comes with risks (which I have mentioned many, many times to no prevail), and being in pain from the cramps I've asked if we'd ever be able to do anything sexual without me being bloated and the answer was "no" as he wouldn't be able to get hard and it wouldn't excite him. He's mentioned that he finds me attractive even when I'm not bloated so... I'm confused He's suggested trying to stop masturbating to blueberry p--- and try doing it to normal p--- but I know it won't work and I don't want to change him to suit my needs. Despite all of this, we have been together for 2 months and those 2 months have been amazing. I'm willing to do a lot for him, but this simply stumps me If anyone has any idea of what I can do, please suggest. Thanks tl:dr boyfriend can only really c-- to blueberry p---

/r/Relationships
blueberry inflation fetish

Overwatch

BF[28ml quitting a shared activity for reasons l [27fl don't understand [new] . Concern edGFT . 6 hours ago . relationships-67% upvoted My boyfriend is a pretty big gamer. When I first met him I wasn't very into video games, but he introduced me to them, and it's become something we like to do together. In particular, we like to play Overwatch together and usually play some games of it every few days. So, it's a pretty big thing for us. The problem started today when he heard that Blizzard made a character, Soldier 76, gay in the game's story. It doesn't actually change anything about the gameplay, and I personally don't care at all For some reason he's really mad about it. He keeps talking about how Blizzard "sold out," and saying that he can't support a company that "betrays their fans." He said he won't play the game anymore, which makes me pretty unhappy because it's something I really like to do with him. Am I being unreasonable? I know there are other games we could play, but Overwatch is the only one I'm any good at, so I don't really want to abandon my favorite game. TLDR: Boyfriend is quitting Overwatch, which we play together, because a character is gay
BF[28ml quitting a shared activity for reasons l [27fl don't understand [new] . Concern edGFT . 6 hours ago . relationships-67% upvoted My boyfriend is a pretty big gamer. When I first met him I wasn't very into video games, but he introduced me to them, and it's become something we like to do together. In particular, we like to play Overwatch together and usually play some games of it every few days. So, it's a pretty big thing for us. The problem started today when he heard that Blizzard made a character, Soldier 76, gay in the game's story. It doesn't actually change anything about the gameplay, and I personally don't care at all For some reason he's really mad about it. He keeps talking about how Blizzard "sold out," and saying that he can't support a company that "betrays their fans." He said he won't play the game anymore, which makes me pretty unhappy because it's something I really like to do with him. Am I being unreasonable? I know there are other games we could play, but Overwatch is the only one I'm any good at, so I don't really want to abandon my favorite game. TLDR: Boyfriend is quitting Overwatch, which we play together, because a character is gay

/r/Relationships
soldier 76 gay