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HURRY THE FUCK UP AND GET IN!

This is based on a thread were the Grim Reaper was given the manners and behavioural quirks of an <a href="https://knowyourmeme.com/photos/803942-4chan">Angry Marine</a> and everyone just ran with it. Image Description: So many people think death is kind or caring, he actually works 9-5 and hates always being on call since his contract does not cover overtime. All he carries with him to collect souls is a normal black garbage bag. He does not give a s---, so get in the bag. “CONGRATULATIONS, A------. YOU’RE THE FIRST PERSON EVER TO DIE FROM LICKING A GAZEBO. NOW GET IN THE F------ BAG."
This is based on a thread were the Grim Reaper was given the manners and behavioural quirks of an <a href="https://knowyourmeme.com/photos/803942-4chan">Angry Marine</a> and everyone just ran with it. Image Description: So many people think death is kind or caring, he actually works 9-5 and hates always being on call since his contract does not cover overtime. All he carries with him to collect souls is a normal black garbage bag. He does not give a s---, so get in the bag. “CONGRATULATIONS, A------. YOU’RE THE FIRST PERSON EVER TO DIE FROM LICKING A GAZEBO. NOW GET IN THE F------ BAG."

/tg/
4chan the bag inside joke get in the bag death grim reaper trash bag garbage bag

Bioweapon Monsters

O Anonymous 10/07/20(Wed)14:19:34 No.75294889 > >>75294995 >>75320648 >>75294821 (OP) Why would you even give your giant monster sexual characteristics? If it's the only one, it's not going to reproduce, the d---'s just wasted energy. O Anonymous 10/07/20(Wed)14:26:10 No.75294995 >75295041 >>75302030 >>75294889 Why would they not reproduce? Why would I not want more? The US didn't stop making nukes after the war, just like how I won't stop making bioweapons after taking over the world. O Anonymous 10/07/20(Wed)14:29:03 No.75295041 >75295101 >>75295175 >>75294995 Yes, but you can make them the way you made the first one: Controlled, in a tube, with the latest upgrades. Uncontrolled reproduction is how you end up with a few hundred wild bioweapons. Furthermore, ones busy reproducing aren't doing their job of destroying all who oppose you. O Anonymous 10/07/20(Wed)14:32:34 No.75295101 >75295173 >>75301621 YOU CAN REWRITE DNA ON THE FLY, AND YOU'RE USING >>75295041 TO TURN PEOPLE DINOSAURS? BUT WITH TECH LIKE THAT, Allowing them the ability to reproduce whilst programming them to perceive me as their parent/original progenitor is the ultimate means to have an unstoppable army of the most loyal followers imaginable AT. YOU COULD CURE CANCER! O Anonymous 10/07/20(Wed)14:36:25 No.75295173 >>75295218 >>75295263 >>75295835 >>75317015 >>75295101 Then suddenly you die because of a freak accident and your army of breeding bioweapons proceed to sweep over the world and annihilate all life in your name, all because you were dumb enough to create a self-propagating bioweapon. O Anonymous 10/07/20(Wed)14:36:27 No.75295175 >>75295378 >>75295041 >implying my bioweapons aren't controlled via pheromones >implying I don't want there to be shitloads of bioweapons out in the wild so the world is forced to rely on me to control them >implying I care about any potential collateral damage BUT I DON'T WANT TO CURE CANCER. I WANT TO TURN PEOPLE INTO DINOSAURS. O Anonymous 10/07/20(Wed)14:46:55 No.75295378 >>75295436 >>75295175 >dies as collateral damage for a shitload of rampaging bio weapons when the heroes disable the pheromone controller. O Anonymous 10/07/20(Wed)14:38:32 No.75295218 ► >>75295173 I'm a mad scientist. Why would I care what happens to the world after I'm dead? S---, my bioweapons destroying the world after I die is great, that means l've denied some other schmuck his chance to take over the world, which is hilarious. O Anonymous 10/07/20(Wed)14:50:11 No.75295436 >>75295935 >>75310914 >>75295378 Well then the heroes can just go ahead and cry over the spilt milk that is the impending destruction of civilization while I smugly decompose in their general direction. Anonymous 10/08/20(Thu)11:44:58 No.75310914 >>75295436 This man understands how to villian correctly.
O Anonymous 10/07/20(Wed)14:19:34 No.75294889 > >>75294995 >>75320648 >>75294821 (OP) Why would you even give your giant monster sexual characteristics? If it's the only one, it's not going to reproduce, the d---'s just wasted energy. O Anonymous 10/07/20(Wed)14:26:10 No.75294995 >75295041 >>75302030 >>75294889 Why would they not reproduce? Why would I not want more? The US didn't stop making nukes after the war, just like how I won't stop making bioweapons after taking over the world. O Anonymous 10/07/20(Wed)14:29:03 No.75295041 >75295101 >>75295175 >>75294995 Yes, but you can make them the way you made the first one: Controlled, in a tube, with the latest upgrades. Uncontrolled reproduction is how you end up with a few hundred wild bioweapons. Furthermore, ones busy reproducing aren't doing their job of destroying all who oppose you. O Anonymous 10/07/20(Wed)14:32:34 No.75295101 >75295173 >>75301621 YOU CAN REWRITE DNA ON THE FLY, AND YOU'RE USING >>75295041 TO TURN PEOPLE DINOSAURS? BUT WITH TECH LIKE THAT, Allowing them the ability to reproduce whilst programming them to perceive me as their parent/original progenitor is the ultimate means to have an unstoppable army of the most loyal followers imaginable AT. YOU COULD CURE CANCER! O Anonymous 10/07/20(Wed)14:36:25 No.75295173 >>75295218 >>75295263 >>75295835 >>75317015 >>75295101 Then suddenly you die because of a freak accident and your army of breeding bioweapons proceed to sweep over the world and annihilate all life in your name, all because you were dumb enough to create a self-propagating bioweapon. O Anonymous 10/07/20(Wed)14:36:27 No.75295175 >>75295378 >>75295041 >implying my bioweapons aren't controlled via pheromones >implying I don't want there to be shitloads of bioweapons out in the wild so the world is forced to rely on me to control them >implying I care about any potential collateral damage BUT I DON'T WANT TO CURE CANCER. I WANT TO TURN PEOPLE INTO DINOSAURS. O Anonymous 10/07/20(Wed)14:46:55 No.75295378 >>75295436 >>75295175 >dies as collateral damage for a shitload of rampaging bio weapons when the heroes disable the pheromone controller. O Anonymous 10/07/20(Wed)14:38:32 No.75295218 ► >>75295173 I'm a mad scientist. Why would I care what happens to the world after I'm dead? S---, my bioweapons destroying the world after I die is great, that means l've denied some other schmuck his chance to take over the world, which is hilarious. O Anonymous 10/07/20(Wed)14:50:11 No.75295436 >>75295935 >>75310914 >>75295378 Well then the heroes can just go ahead and cry over the spilt milk that is the impending destruction of civilization while I smugly decompose in their general direction. Anonymous 10/08/20(Thu)11:44:58 No.75310914 >>75295436 This man understands how to villian correctly.

/tg/
weyland-yutani umbrella corporation but i don't want to cure cancer scott westerfeld's leviathan trilogy jem'hadar how to villain correctly supervillain

Anon learns to fear The Clown

>>O Glutton 10/11/10(Mon)10:11 No.12406881 I'm usually a chemist, and me and my brother like to play one the same server at the same time. His friend from England was also there, Me and my bro were Chemists, he was an assistant we let in because why the f--- not? >Start mixing chemicals, I am very good at it. >Create thermite, can't figure out how to light it on fire so give up. >My brother starts cranking out space drugs naming the pills "Strength Pill", go and leave them around the station >l make space drugs, because why the hell not? >Take one, start tripping balls. Take a unstable mutagen pill as well. >Become blind, Have seizures, develop Tourettes. pecome >Station wonders why I keep screaming "PISS" "T---" "M-----------" into the radio. >Traitor comes out out nowhere, shoots me in the back of the head. >Cloned, Mutations still exist. oloned >Cures developed myself, hard to do because I keep shouting random s--- and flailing my arms around. >Get bored and start injected random people with it. Make the clown blind and deaf. >He hunts me like a ghost, shooting syringes at me. he >Get hit by one, It says "You feel strange" >Beat him and start to strangle him screaming "WHAT WAS IN THAT NEEDLE?" >"It was a Suuurpriise!" >Forced to run before killing him cause Security shows up. >Cont. >O Glutton 10/11/10(Mon)10:16 No.12406914 >>12406881 >Every damn piece of glass I look at, the clown is behind it. I think I even saw him in space one time. >Extremely Paranoid, singularity is loose and toxins is on fire. Shuttle called. >Started to make my way towards shuttle >HONK HONK HONK >JESUS CHRIST WHERE THE F--- IS HE? >Start to run towards the shuttle, slip on a banana peel. >Bastard comes out of nowhere, rips the VISOR goggles off my head (I Never cured my blindness, it's hard to cure the effects of unstable mutagens.) >Clicking randomly with my air tank, I hit the floor and wall as well as myself a few times. But never hit the clown. >Slowly strangled to death as he honked that f------ horn of his.
>>O Glutton 10/11/10(Mon)10:11 No.12406881 I'm usually a chemist, and me and my brother like to play one the same server at the same time. His friend from England was also there, Me and my bro were Chemists, he was an assistant we let in because why the f--- not? >Start mixing chemicals, I am very good at it. >Create thermite, can't figure out how to light it on fire so give up. >My brother starts cranking out space drugs naming the pills "Strength Pill", go and leave them around the station >l make space drugs, because why the hell not? >Take one, start tripping balls. Take a unstable mutagen pill as well. >Become blind, Have seizures, develop Tourettes. pecome >Station wonders why I keep screaming "PISS" "T---" "M-----------" into the radio. >Traitor comes out out nowhere, shoots me in the back of the head. >Cloned, Mutations still exist. oloned >Cures developed myself, hard to do because I keep shouting random s--- and flailing my arms around. >Get bored and start injected random people with it. Make the clown blind and deaf. >He hunts me like a ghost, shooting syringes at me. he >Get hit by one, It says "You feel strange" >Beat him and start to strangle him screaming "WHAT WAS IN THAT NEEDLE?" >"It was a Suuurpriise!" >Forced to run before killing him cause Security shows up. >Cont. >O Glutton 10/11/10(Mon)10:16 No.12406914 >>12406881 >Every damn piece of glass I look at, the clown is behind it. I think I even saw him in space one time. >Extremely Paranoid, singularity is loose and toxins is on fire. Shuttle called. >Started to make my way towards shuttle >HONK HONK HONK >JESUS CHRIST WHERE THE F--- IS HE? >Start to run towards the shuttle, slip on a banana peel. >Bastard comes out of nowhere, rips the VISOR goggles off my head (I Never cured my blindness, it's hard to cure the effects of unstable mutagens.) >Clicking randomly with my air tank, I hit the floor and wall as well as myself a few times. But never hit the clown. >Slowly strangled to death as he honked that f------ horn of his.

/tg/
space station 13 ss13 honk clown drugs mutagen 4chan paranoia chemist geneticist

Ham Sammich finds the cure for cancer

I Anonymous 10/09/13(Wed)19:42 UTC-4 No.27664856 O Replies: >>27664972 >>27665129 >>27664677 You were? Am I remembering another clusterfuck, or was Ham Sammich involved in that one? Because, and I mean no insult to you or the rest of Sec when I say this, that m----------- was the epitome of the harassed Sec Officer that just wanted to get through the day but couldn't because there was just too much violence that he had to dish out to keep people from killing each other. He joined me as a Medical Doctor, once. I may have known the chemistry system a little better than he did, but he knew what he wanted to do to everyone. >Give him the introductory education on the Medical Wing >Leave him alone for a little while >Start the business of healing >Come back to see how Ham's doing with the guy that had the flu >Flu Guy is handcuffed, strait-jacketed, muzzled and trapped on the bed >One other quy is in the same condition >You say, "The f---?" >Ham returns with a locker >Ham Sammich says, "Uh. Hi." >You say, "Whatcha doing, Ham?" >He opens the locker and a pile of people pour out of it, all snoring from Chloral Hydrate and Sleep toxin >Ham Sammich says, "Curing cancer." >Feel a slight twinge of fear, despite the fact that I am separated by an unknown distance and a computer screen from this man >You say, "Carry on." >Run away >Come back later, the entire sick bay is full of people that have been strapped to the beds and kept in place with anesthesia tanks
I Anonymous 10/09/13(Wed)19:42 UTC-4 No.27664856 O Replies: >>27664972 >>27665129 >>27664677 You were? Am I remembering another clusterfuck, or was Ham Sammich involved in that one? Because, and I mean no insult to you or the rest of Sec when I say this, that m----------- was the epitome of the harassed Sec Officer that just wanted to get through the day but couldn't because there was just too much violence that he had to dish out to keep people from killing each other. He joined me as a Medical Doctor, once. I may have known the chemistry system a little better than he did, but he knew what he wanted to do to everyone. >Give him the introductory education on the Medical Wing >Leave him alone for a little while >Start the business of healing >Come back to see how Ham's doing with the guy that had the flu >Flu Guy is handcuffed, strait-jacketed, muzzled and trapped on the bed >One other quy is in the same condition >You say, "The f---?" >Ham returns with a locker >Ham Sammich says, "Uh. Hi." >You say, "Whatcha doing, Ham?" >He opens the locker and a pile of people pour out of it, all snoring from Chloral Hydrate and Sleep toxin >Ham Sammich says, "Curing cancer." >Feel a slight twinge of fear, despite the fact that I am separated by an unknown distance and a computer screen from this man >You say, "Carry on." >Run away >Come back later, the entire sick bay is full of people that have been strapped to the beds and kept in place with anesthesia tanks

/tg/
space station 13 ss13 medical officer doctor cancer 4chan chemist security medic

Anon mops the floors

Anonymous 04/27/14(Sun)21:25:32 No.31771536 2>31771810 >first ever SS13 game >Play janitor >Run a clean ship >Mop ALL the floors >People whining that they keep slipping. >Put up a wet floor sign and tell them to get over it. >People keep bitching that they're sliding. >Mops busy corridors to spite people. Put wet floor sign up. >More bitching, people stop using corridor. >Change corridors. Clown walks by and slides into a wall, knocks self out. >Help him up. He hits me with a fire extinguisher and walks off. >l wake up and keep mopping. >Captain walks by and slides into same all. Knocks self out. >Accidentally grab captain, can't figure out how to drop him. >Somehow end up throwing captain into trash compactor. Don't loot his keycard because I don't know how. Captain dies. >Half hour later, ship is in panic mode because no one knows where the captain is >l mop the floors
Anonymous 04/27/14(Sun)21:25:32 No.31771536 2>31771810 >first ever SS13 game >Play janitor >Run a clean ship >Mop ALL the floors >People whining that they keep slipping. >Put up a wet floor sign and tell them to get over it. >People keep bitching that they're sliding. >Mops busy corridors to spite people. Put wet floor sign up. >More bitching, people stop using corridor. >Change corridors. Clown walks by and slides into a wall, knocks self out. >Help him up. He hits me with a fire extinguisher and walks off. >l wake up and keep mopping. >Captain walks by and slides into same all. Knocks self out. >Accidentally grab captain, can't figure out how to drop him. >Somehow end up throwing captain into trash compactor. Don't loot his keycard because I don't know how. Captain dies. >Half hour later, ship is in panic mode because no one knows where the captain is >l mop the floors

/tg/
4chan space station 13 ss13 janitor captain trash compactor clown greentext mop

/tg/ debates mass legalisation of recreational necromancy

O Anonymous 04/24/14(Thu)22:30:51 No.31699951 ► >>31700023 >>31699796 Dude the weight on mummies is f------ rigged i swear. I raised two the other day and they were full of f------ sand! Plus all that b------- wrap is always artificial and crappy, and those suckers burn like nothin else. Buncha villager teenagers lit them up shouting "BLAZE IT!" Don't they know that s--- is a medical need? O Anonymous 04/24/14(Thu)22:36:00 No.31700044 O Anonymous 04/24/14(Thu)22:31:20 No.31699957 ► >>31700044 File: Dank Arcane.png (738 KB, 900x563) >>31699957 God damn kids and their recreational magic usage WHO'S ON THAT GOOD PURPLE ARCANE? O Anonymous 04/24/14(Thu)22:31:49 No.31699967 ► »31699997 >31700022 Listen, I'm fine with a little necromancy every now and then for laughs with the guys, but if its legal it will be a whole new ball game. Do you realize that kids could get ahold of it and start resurrecting an army of dead goldfish? Think of them.
O Anonymous 04/24/14(Thu)22:30:51 No.31699951 ► >>31700023 >>31699796 Dude the weight on mummies is f------ rigged i swear. I raised two the other day and they were full of f------ sand! Plus all that b------- wrap is always artificial and crappy, and those suckers burn like nothin else. Buncha villager teenagers lit them up shouting "BLAZE IT!" Don't they know that s--- is a medical need? O Anonymous 04/24/14(Thu)22:36:00 No.31700044 O Anonymous 04/24/14(Thu)22:31:20 No.31699957 ► >>31700044 File: Dank Arcane.png (738 KB, 900x563) >>31699957 God damn kids and their recreational magic usage WHO'S ON THAT GOOD PURPLE ARCANE? O Anonymous 04/24/14(Thu)22:31:49 No.31699967 ► »31699997 >31700022 Listen, I'm fine with a little necromancy every now and then for laughs with the guys, but if its legal it will be a whole new ball game. Do you realize that kids could get ahold of it and start resurrecting an army of dead goldfish? Think of them.

/tg/
necromancer goldfish mummies blaze it magic necromancy undead 4chan weed parody

Anon's First Exorcism

O Anonymous Mon Apr 28 06:07:55 2014 No.31772599 Quoted by: >>31772856 >>31775015 >>31772351 >Be chaplain >Want to play a nonessential, RP role because I want to take the round easy and be semi-afk while I chat with people. >Get messaged by head of security >CULT ROUND! >Suddenly I'm MVP as I'm the only one who can deprogram cultists. >Need to go to brig to do exactly that. >Have never read the manual on chaplain. Have no idea w-- I'm doing. >Gather all my supplies and arrive in brig to find HOS and a prisoner cuffed to the chair. >HOS tells me to deprogram him >0-Okay.. >He leaves the room. >I figure the best way to succeed would be to use each of my tools as trial and error. >Start hitting him with the Bible until he's mentally retarded. >He starts screaming bloody murder, but his comm headset was taken away so no one can hear him. >He manages to uncuff from the chair and starts running around the room trying to evade me. >I catch him. >I take him to the bedroom and chain him to the bed. >Start beating him with the null rod until he's bloody. >Force-feed him about a gallon of holy water. >Figure that should have done the trick, ask him "Do you feel the love of Space Jesus yet?" >"F--- YOU" he replies >Keep beating him with the null rod. >HOS walks in and sees the bloody prisoner chained to the bed. >"WHAT THE F--- ARE YOU DOING!??" >He releases the prisoner, but not long after, 2 more prisoners are brought in. >Continue deprogramming them in a similar manner. >Eventually one of them escapes from the chair and starts running around the cell. >He takes off his pants and s---- on the floor. >Slip on the s---. >Get beaten to death by the null rod. Do you feel the love of Space నెలుUS Yet F--- YOU
O Anonymous Mon Apr 28 06:07:55 2014 No.31772599 Quoted by: >>31772856 >>31775015 >>31772351 >Be chaplain >Want to play a nonessential, RP role because I want to take the round easy and be semi-afk while I chat with people. >Get messaged by head of security >CULT ROUND! >Suddenly I'm MVP as I'm the only one who can deprogram cultists. >Need to go to brig to do exactly that. >Have never read the manual on chaplain. Have no idea w-- I'm doing. >Gather all my supplies and arrive in brig to find HOS and a prisoner cuffed to the chair. >HOS tells me to deprogram him >0-Okay.. >He leaves the room. >I figure the best way to succeed would be to use each of my tools as trial and error. >Start hitting him with the Bible until he's mentally retarded. >He starts screaming bloody murder, but his comm headset was taken away so no one can hear him. >He manages to uncuff from the chair and starts running around the room trying to evade me. >I catch him. >I take him to the bedroom and chain him to the bed. >Start beating him with the null rod until he's bloody. >Force-feed him about a gallon of holy water. >Figure that should have done the trick, ask him "Do you feel the love of Space Jesus yet?" >"F--- YOU" he replies >Keep beating him with the null rod. >HOS walks in and sees the bloody prisoner chained to the bed. >"WHAT THE F--- ARE YOU DOING!??" >He releases the prisoner, but not long after, 2 more prisoners are brought in. >Continue deprogramming them in a similar manner. >Eventually one of them escapes from the chair and starts running around the cell. >He takes off his pants and s---- on the floor. >Slip on the s---. >Get beaten to death by the null rod. Do you feel the love of Space నెలుUS Yet F--- YOU

/tg/
space station 13 ss13 greentext storytime 4chan cultist cult chaplain head of security hos deprogramming

World War 1 and D&D Crossover: War Stories of a Elf Corporal

Full thread <a href="http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/4139522/">can be found here</a>.
Full thread <a href="http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/4139522/">can be found here</a>.

/tg/
the great war ww1 world war 1 boom-bolts zombie necromancer elf kobold artillery poison gas mud war 4chan d&d dungeons & dragons crossover storytime

World War 1 and D&D crossover: The Setting

Full thread <a href="http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/4139522/">can be found here</a>.
Full thread <a href="http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/4139522/">can be found here</a>.

/tg/
child soldiers dwarves humans elves goblins orcs d&d trenches trench warfare artillery necromancer undead crossover kobalds 4chan mud world war 1 ww1 the great war dungeons and dragons

Love & Krieg: Precautions

Link to full story and spin offs can <a href="https://1d4chan.org/wiki/Love_and_Krieg">be found here</a>.
Link to full story and spin offs can <a href="https://1d4chan.org/wiki/Love_and_Krieg">be found here</a>.

/tg/
krieger death korps of krieg krieger female model 68b #6345 gas mask storytime 4chan kiss lasgun warhammer 40000 wh 40k

Love & Krieg: Beachhead

Full story and links to spin offs can <a href="https://1d4chan.org/wiki/Love_and_Krieg">be found here</a>.
Full story and links to spin offs can <a href="https://1d4chan.org/wiki/Love_and_Krieg">be found here</a>.

/tg/
death korps of krieg kriegers warhammer 40000 wh 40k date beach lasgun sandcastle 4chan love and krieg fishing

Love & Krieg: First Mission

The whole story and it's offshoots can <a href="https://1d4chan.org/wiki/Love_and_Krieg">be found here</a>.
The whole story and it's offshoots can <a href="https://1d4chan.org/wiki/Love_and_Krieg">be found here</a>.

/tg/
death korps of krieg kriegers warhammer 40000 wh 40k 4chan date storytime love and krieg movie trench

Trench Ghost

The whole source thread was a brainstorming session for ghost stories and creepy, paranormal stuff that could occur during a game set in WW1 trenches. It's definitely worth a read if you like that sort of thing.
The whole source thread was a brainstorming session for ghost stories and creepy, paranormal stuff that could occur during a game set in WW1 trenches. It's definitely worth a read if you like that sort of thing.

/tg/
ww1 world war 1 western front trenches paranormal ghost 4chan

Good Guy Humanity

O Humanity, F--- YEAH Anonymous 01/02/14(Thu)03:04 UTC+11 No.29210823 Replies: >>29210830 I posted about a week ago about a story I wrote in /lit/ and they pointed me to here to post this. It's an edit of a short story I wrote, and all I ask is for a critique on what I could do better, or what I've f----- up on. So please, hold nothing back if this isn't to your liking. 1/? Humans. I REJECT YOUR REALITY AND SUBSTITUTE MY OWN This species is short, creative, stubborn, decently intelligent, and individually are weak, yet in numbers are incredibly hardy, robust, and strong. They breed quickly, live short and futile lives, and for the smallest of reasons will kill each other without a second thought. Many have had low expectations of this brutish and barbarous species. They were beneath us more than any other race in terms of culture, art, technology, and social programs so while their least desirables were worked hard and rewarded little, their 'aristocratic' counterparts flocked to the heavens, eager to join the thriving extra-stellar community. Naive to the structure of galactic politics, the Terrans would push themselves onto whatever race would lend counsel to their primitive auditory communications. Many left them to their own devices, shamelessly and rightfully leaving them to the harsh realities of the spacious home we all find ourselves in. We Santari, however, were one of the handfuls of groups that would barter and negotiate agreements with the vermin. We'd trade scraps, derelict and tattered starships, agricultural equipment, and even environmental stabilizing technology to them (the barbarians had done more damage to their home planet than any other in the recorded history of intelligent species) for resources worth many hundred times more than what they were worth. O Anonymous 01/02/14(Thu)03:05 UTC+11 No.29210830 Replies: >>29210839 >>29210823 (OP) Far be it from us to take advantage of a prime workforce for our resource collection, we did so with a slight amount of smug enthusiasm and deception; pretending to be allies yet giving them the worst treatment in regards to trade agreements and our "gifts of knowledge". The true irony of it all being that they willfully accepted these downsides under the pretense or furthering intergalactic diplomacy and with promise of showing others that they were willing, able, and trustworthy. I suppose to this end, the humans had formed a special bond with our insectoid race. We were advancing their civilization at least a hundred of their puny years forward while reaping almost every possible benefit we never deserved. Anonymous 01/02/14(Thu)03:06 UTC+11 No.29210839 Replies: >>29210846 >>29210830 2/? Little did we understand the error of what we had unwittingly done. In retrospect, we had broken the cardinal rule of the galactic community; without proper diligence, disregard for foresight, and without consulting the Galactic Counsil, we planted a seed of unrivaled growth in a yet unproven and undeserving race for our own benefit. Their bipedal skeletons with their undeveloped brains relentlessly honed in and trained themselves to grasp the underlying concepts of the machinery and electronics they acquired far faster than any one particular group had ever thought possible. Foregoing the advantages of biological engineering offered to them, they preferred to keep to their fleshy forms for the sake of "preserving humanity". This was a line of logic that still confounds most everyone to this day would prove invaluable and supremely effective to them. Their "primitive" minds would conjure outlandish and ridiculous notions of the fine fabric of reality that our enhanced nervous systems would outright deny for the sake of simple logic. All soon learned that the human brain, for all of it's faults and inefficiencies, was a marvel of creativity of the greatest caliber. Their stubborn nature defied every law of the universe, always amassing new theories to test. More experiments to perform. Never allowing "no" to disuade them, they'd work a problem from every possible angle in ways which seemed like pure folly. The most damning thing of all being that sometimes, they'd be right and completely shake the foundation of their scientific collaboration. O Anonymous 01/02/14(Thu)03:07 UTC+11 No.29210846 Replies: >>29210854 >>29210839 3/? This was the true nature of humanity. To stop at nothing once they had set their collective mind to a task to either prove it true or deny it as a falsehood. In the breadth of two short Terran lifetimes, they had mastered the art of manipulating what they called "Dark Energy" which we know as the Cosmological Repulsive Law. Fifty years later, they had traveled as far as the innermost galactic core (to be noted, a suicidal trek that only the desperate would engage in). Ten years after that, they began to mass produce anti-matter on an unparalleled scale. Ocular spiracles turned, attention drifted from the inane squabbles of their own to the insane human populace as they exploded instead of trickled from their solar system to neighboring stars. They stripped every unclaimed world they touched of whatever the soil or atmosphere would allow to them, only to further accelerate their growth that would rival the great empires that now are long gone. O Anonymous 01/02/14(Thu)03:08 UTC+11 No.29210854 Replies: >>29210867 >>29210846 4/? From this, the Galactic Counsil became un-nerved. The Terrans spreading across their own "backyard", they expediently started to make headway into the secrets of the universe that, as of yet in this entry, few others have breached. Due to our "friendship" of centuries gone by, the humans have had nothing but a peaceful, amicable, and symbiotic relationship with us, the orchestrators of their advance. They would begin to catch up to our own level of technology and understanding, yet untempered by the wisdom of age and experience. With exponential growth, they'd overtake us in almost all things. In recognition and gratitude of our dealings with each other, they shared their advances with us, and us Santari would happily share what we could without question. We had become one of the most intertwined and mutually beneficial allies of the entire galaxy. O Anonymous 01/02/14(Thu)03:09 UTC+11 No.29210867 Replies: >29210874 >>29210854 5/? To be sure, the Counsel saw all of this as nothing but heretical. They dominated the galaxy, they had every other race "under their thumb" as the humans would say. To advance beyond what they deemed appropriate was nothing short of chastising a god in the minds of other species. In the past, they had sent probes to the Terran homeworld called Earth, attempting to dissuade them from advancing too quickly. The Council, in their vast superiority to any other, never allowed technological advancement of any species beyond what they were comfortable with. They had the power and means to enforce these rules to any and all in the Core Worlds and wouldn't lightly give it up. They offered admittance to the alliance the Council controlled, but as such, they would need to adhere to many laws that stunt quick growth, and only sign off on research on what they would allow. In return, trade lanes would be opened up to Sol and her watery rock, they would gain a seat on the Counsil, and would be defended from whatever plight may come to them. They even brought schematics for a neural implant that would allow the humans total access to logical ways of thinking, bringing everlasting peace to their kind. The only downside was they'd have to put aside creativity in favor of being taken care of. O Anonymous 01/02/14(Thu)03:10 UTC+11 No.29210874 Replies: >>29210883 >>29210867 6/? Humanity saw this for what it truly was, it is the same reason we denied the Council as well. It was an insidious mean of control. They would have none of it and destroyed the probe that sent this message as a final "f--- you" to the galaxy. Through fear and just a hint of jealousy at their willingness to deny the Council, our two species would soon become scorned, the community of the Milky Way lashing out against us for bringing such an unknown variable unto them all, and by proxy the Council. Due to the Terrans living on the very fringe of the galaxy, outside the arm of influence of the Council, many of our worlds and star systems were razed to but bitter molten metal. Billions of us Santari laid exterminated for a "crime" we committed in swift and brutal sieges. Over a century, we retreated behind the lines of the humans. This is when their virtues of acceptance of those not of Earth finally became one of their most endearing qualities that we Santari would never forget. This is when we embraced the humans as much as they had for us. As hard as it was for us to leave our home, they did their absolute most to find and terraform planets for us to settle on. O Anonymous 01/02/14(Thu)03:11 UTC+11 No.29210883 Replies: >>29210893 >>29210874 7/? Looking back, we actually did so little for them that it is disgraceful to us. In our graciousness, we worked as hard as we could for them. Still, they would never allow our kind to feel such inadequacies. When our exoskeletons started to buckle, they would find us non-physical labor. When our nerve bundles became overwhelmed with our duty, they would force us to "take it easy" and rest. Many who would read this would think that we had been forced to work, that in return for asylum in their territory, we'd break our appendages toiling for them. Nothing could be further from the truth. We, as a species, were so honored by their acceptance and open arms that we felt indebted to quite literally work ourselves to termination for such unabashed camaraderie. Terrans, however, would surprise us yet again by allowing us to rebuild our society, with New Xenathiks being only 7 light years away from Earth. Their territory was our territory, their homes were our homes. During these times, they knew a force to be reckoned with would be coming. Preparedness became paramount. War was inevitable, and their distance from the outer Core Worlds gave them the time they needed. Breeding increased with incredible speed, mining of entire star systems became the norm, construction of dreadnaught class starships began with the newest weapons brought to bear. The Terrans then took the brunt of the force as the Councils forces advanced. Nearly one quarter of their outer colonies laid waste in an effort to quell their expansion. We did what we could, given the vast resources the Terrans allotted to us. Working side-by-side, our now small numbers labored until our carapaces would no longer allow, or until we were forced to stop. O Anonymous 01/02/14(Thu)03:12 UTC+11 No.29210893 Replies: >>29210905 >>29210883 8/? Before this log continues, I should note a particular un-named Humanity Scholar who once quoted "Conflict breeds creativity". Creativity, as a human construct, was it's defining characteristic millenia before their journey to the stars, yet would prove most valuable now more than ever for them and ourselves. Within fifteen years of the first Galactic Armada advance into their territory, their population exploded nearly three fold when their political structure began Terran and Santari propaganda. Within another ten years, the now 8.4 trillion humans had finished constructing fleets of unrivaled scale and destructive power. Their speed of breeding, construction, harvesting, and innovation became that of legend. Over the next fifty years, they held their ground, training every new combatant with the skills necessary to operate every basic facet of a starship, with us Santari being trained and taught alongside them. Again, they'd be at the forefront our own advance. The Terrans never let up, and never let us fall behind in terms of education and brotherhood. O Anonymous 01/02/14(Thu)03:13 UTC+11 No.29210905 >>29210893 9/9 Obliterating every last ship that dared to face them, they then sent a second and a third wave of ships to reinforce the line. Over the next single short year, they breached the front lines of the armada. Their natural chemically enhanced minds from adrenaline during battle would serve them well enough to laugh in the face of death and not even feel a mortal wound from combat. From there, one hundred years later, they had pushed into the heart of the Councils core worlds. Over the next 200 years, they would either conquer, obliterate, or force a surrender of any species that stood in their way, while chartering peace treaties with those who had stayed out of the war and putting the Santari at the highest echelons of non-Terran politics. The ban on research was abolished, and a new age of enlightenment and technological might exploded throughout the galaxy. We had done comparatively nothing for them. We never served their interests until they were beyond us, we gave them the worst of trade deals in the early years, and we thought nothing of them besides mere apes. Their own ingenuity would have brought all of this to the same end regardless of our intervention. Now, while the Milky Way stands as a united and prosperous whole, dominated by the "lowly" humans, we have only a single thing to say: Terrans are beyond horrifying, but are the best of allies. Woe be to any who stands against them. Karnitegal, First in the Order of the Historical Records. O Anonymous 01/02/14(Thu)03:25 UTC+11 No.29211020 10/10 would read again
O Humanity, F--- YEAH Anonymous 01/02/14(Thu)03:04 UTC+11 No.29210823 Replies: >>29210830 I posted about a week ago about a story I wrote in /lit/ and they pointed me to here to post this. It's an edit of a short story I wrote, and all I ask is for a critique on what I could do better, or what I've f----- up on. So please, hold nothing back if this isn't to your liking. 1/? Humans. I REJECT YOUR REALITY AND SUBSTITUTE MY OWN This species is short, creative, stubborn, decently intelligent, and individually are weak, yet in numbers are incredibly hardy, robust, and strong. They breed quickly, live short and futile lives, and for the smallest of reasons will kill each other without a second thought. Many have had low expectations of this brutish and barbarous species. They were beneath us more than any other race in terms of culture, art, technology, and social programs so while their least desirables were worked hard and rewarded little, their 'aristocratic' counterparts flocked to the heavens, eager to join the thriving extra-stellar community. Naive to the structure of galactic politics, the Terrans would push themselves onto whatever race would lend counsel to their primitive auditory communications. Many left them to their own devices, shamelessly and rightfully leaving them to the harsh realities of the spacious home we all find ourselves in. We Santari, however, were one of the handfuls of groups that would barter and negotiate agreements with the vermin. We'd trade scraps, derelict and tattered starships, agricultural equipment, and even environmental stabilizing technology to them (the barbarians had done more damage to their home planet than any other in the recorded history of intelligent species) for resources worth many hundred times more than what they were worth. O Anonymous 01/02/14(Thu)03:05 UTC+11 No.29210830 Replies: >>29210839 >>29210823 (OP) Far be it from us to take advantage of a prime workforce for our resource collection, we did so with a slight amount of smug enthusiasm and deception; pretending to be allies yet giving them the worst treatment in regards to trade agreements and our "gifts of knowledge". The true irony of it all being that they willfully accepted these downsides under the pretense or furthering intergalactic diplomacy and with promise of showing others that they were willing, able, and trustworthy. I suppose to this end, the humans had formed a special bond with our insectoid race. We were advancing their civilization at least a hundred of their puny years forward while reaping almost every possible benefit we never deserved. Anonymous 01/02/14(Thu)03:06 UTC+11 No.29210839 Replies: >>29210846 >>29210830 2/? Little did we understand the error of what we had unwittingly done. In retrospect, we had broken the cardinal rule of the galactic community; without proper diligence, disregard for foresight, and without consulting the Galactic Counsil, we planted a seed of unrivaled growth in a yet unproven and undeserving race for our own benefit. Their bipedal skeletons with their undeveloped brains relentlessly honed in and trained themselves to grasp the underlying concepts of the machinery and electronics they acquired far faster than any one particular group had ever thought possible. Foregoing the advantages of biological engineering offered to them, they preferred to keep to their fleshy forms for the sake of "preserving humanity". This was a line of logic that still confounds most everyone to this day would prove invaluable and supremely effective to them. Their "primitive" minds would conjure outlandish and ridiculous notions of the fine fabric of reality that our enhanced nervous systems would outright deny for the sake of simple logic. All soon learned that the human brain, for all of it's faults and inefficiencies, was a marvel of creativity of the greatest caliber. Their stubborn nature defied every law of the universe, always amassing new theories to test. More experiments to perform. Never allowing "no" to disuade them, they'd work a problem from every possible angle in ways which seemed like pure folly. The most damning thing of all being that sometimes, they'd be right and completely shake the foundation of their scientific collaboration. O Anonymous 01/02/14(Thu)03:07 UTC+11 No.29210846 Replies: >>29210854 >>29210839 3/? This was the true nature of humanity. To stop at nothing once they had set their collective mind to a task to either prove it true or deny it as a falsehood. In the breadth of two short Terran lifetimes, they had mastered the art of manipulating what they called "Dark Energy" which we know as the Cosmological Repulsive Law. Fifty years later, they had traveled as far as the innermost galactic core (to be noted, a suicidal trek that only the desperate would engage in). Ten years after that, they began to mass produce anti-matter on an unparalleled scale. Ocular spiracles turned, attention drifted from the inane squabbles of their own to the insane human populace as they exploded instead of trickled from their solar system to neighboring stars. They stripped every unclaimed world they touched of whatever the soil or atmosphere would allow to them, only to further accelerate their growth that would rival the great empires that now are long gone. O Anonymous 01/02/14(Thu)03:08 UTC+11 No.29210854 Replies: >>29210867 >>29210846 4/? From this, the Galactic Counsil became un-nerved. The Terrans spreading across their own "backyard", they expediently started to make headway into the secrets of the universe that, as of yet in this entry, few others have breached. Due to our "friendship" of centuries gone by, the humans have had nothing but a peaceful, amicable, and symbiotic relationship with us, the orchestrators of their advance. They would begin to catch up to our own level of technology and understanding, yet untempered by the wisdom of age and experience. With exponential growth, they'd overtake us in almost all things. In recognition and gratitude of our dealings with each other, they shared their advances with us, and us Santari would happily share what we could without question. We had become one of the most intertwined and mutually beneficial allies of the entire galaxy. O Anonymous 01/02/14(Thu)03:09 UTC+11 No.29210867 Replies: >29210874 >>29210854 5/? To be sure, the Counsel saw all of this as nothing but heretical. They dominated the galaxy, they had every other race "under their thumb" as the humans would say. To advance beyond what they deemed appropriate was nothing short of chastising a god in the minds of other species. In the past, they had sent probes to the Terran homeworld called Earth, attempting to dissuade them from advancing too quickly. The Council, in their vast superiority to any other, never allowed technological advancement of any species beyond what they were comfortable with. They had the power and means to enforce these rules to any and all in the Core Worlds and wouldn't lightly give it up. They offered admittance to the alliance the Council controlled, but as such, they would need to adhere to many laws that stunt quick growth, and only sign off on research on what they would allow. In return, trade lanes would be opened up to Sol and her watery rock, they would gain a seat on the Counsil, and would be defended from whatever plight may come to them. They even brought schematics for a neural implant that would allow the humans total access to logical ways of thinking, bringing everlasting peace to their kind. The only downside was they'd have to put aside creativity in favor of being taken care of. O Anonymous 01/02/14(Thu)03:10 UTC+11 No.29210874 Replies: >>29210883 >>29210867 6/? Humanity saw this for what it truly was, it is the same reason we denied the Council as well. It was an insidious mean of control. They would have none of it and destroyed the probe that sent this message as a final "f--- you" to the galaxy. Through fear and just a hint of jealousy at their willingness to deny the Council, our two species would soon become scorned, the community of the Milky Way lashing out against us for bringing such an unknown variable unto them all, and by proxy the Council. Due to the Terrans living on the very fringe of the galaxy, outside the arm of influence of the Council, many of our worlds and star systems were razed to but bitter molten metal. Billions of us Santari laid exterminated for a "crime" we committed in swift and brutal sieges. Over a century, we retreated behind the lines of the humans. This is when their virtues of acceptance of those not of Earth finally became one of their most endearing qualities that we Santari would never forget. This is when we embraced the humans as much as they had for us. As hard as it was for us to leave our home, they did their absolute most to find and terraform planets for us to settle on. O Anonymous 01/02/14(Thu)03:11 UTC+11 No.29210883 Replies: >>29210893 >>29210874 7/? Looking back, we actually did so little for them that it is disgraceful to us. In our graciousness, we worked as hard as we could for them. Still, they would never allow our kind to feel such inadequacies. When our exoskeletons started to buckle, they would find us non-physical labor. When our nerve bundles became overwhelmed with our duty, they would force us to "take it easy" and rest. Many who would read this would think that we had been forced to work, that in return for asylum in their territory, we'd break our appendages toiling for them. Nothing could be further from the truth. We, as a species, were so honored by their acceptance and open arms that we felt indebted to quite literally work ourselves to termination for such unabashed camaraderie. Terrans, however, would surprise us yet again by allowing us to rebuild our society, with New Xenathiks being only 7 light years away from Earth. Their territory was our territory, their homes were our homes. During these times, they knew a force to be reckoned with would be coming. Preparedness became paramount. War was inevitable, and their distance from the outer Core Worlds gave them the time they needed. Breeding increased with incredible speed, mining of entire star systems became the norm, construction of dreadnaught class starships began with the newest weapons brought to bear. The Terrans then took the brunt of the force as the Councils forces advanced. Nearly one quarter of their outer colonies laid waste in an effort to quell their expansion. We did what we could, given the vast resources the Terrans allotted to us. Working side-by-side, our now small numbers labored until our carapaces would no longer allow, or until we were forced to stop. O Anonymous 01/02/14(Thu)03:12 UTC+11 No.29210893 Replies: >>29210905 >>29210883 8/? Before this log continues, I should note a particular un-named Humanity Scholar who once quoted "Conflict breeds creativity". Creativity, as a human construct, was it's defining characteristic millenia before their journey to the stars, yet would prove most valuable now more than ever for them and ourselves. Within fifteen years of the first Galactic Armada advance into their territory, their population exploded nearly three fold when their political structure began Terran and Santari propaganda. Within another ten years, the now 8.4 trillion humans had finished constructing fleets of unrivaled scale and destructive power. Their speed of breeding, construction, harvesting, and innovation became that of legend. Over the next fifty years, they held their ground, training every new combatant with the skills necessary to operate every basic facet of a starship, with us Santari being trained and taught alongside them. Again, they'd be at the forefront our own advance. The Terrans never let up, and never let us fall behind in terms of education and brotherhood. O Anonymous 01/02/14(Thu)03:13 UTC+11 No.29210905 >>29210893 9/9 Obliterating every last ship that dared to face them, they then sent a second and a third wave of ships to reinforce the line. Over the next single short year, they breached the front lines of the armada. Their natural chemically enhanced minds from adrenaline during battle would serve them well enough to laugh in the face of death and not even feel a mortal wound from combat. From there, one hundred years later, they had pushed into the heart of the Councils core worlds. Over the next 200 years, they would either conquer, obliterate, or force a surrender of any species that stood in their way, while chartering peace treaties with those who had stayed out of the war and putting the Santari at the highest echelons of non-Terran politics. The ban on research was abolished, and a new age of enlightenment and technological might exploded throughout the galaxy. We had done comparatively nothing for them. We never served their interests until they were beyond us, we gave them the worst of trade deals in the early years, and we thought nothing of them besides mere apes. Their own ingenuity would have brought all of this to the same end regardless of our intervention. Now, while the Milky Way stands as a united and prosperous whole, dominated by the "lowly" humans, we have only a single thing to say: Terrans are beyond horrifying, but are the best of allies. Woe be to any who stands against them. Karnitegal, First in the Order of the Historical Records. O Anonymous 01/02/14(Thu)03:25 UTC+11 No.29211020 10/10 would read again

/tg/
humanity aliens storytime 4chan konradkurze imgur galactic council space santari war terrans

Excuse me, do you have a moment to talk about our lord and saviour, the God-Emperor of Mankind?

I thought it'd be nice if someone posted something uplifting for once, you know, breaking up the endless stream of twitter gifs and wojaks, spice things up a little.
I thought it'd be nice if someone posted something uplifting for once, you know, breaking up the endless stream of twitter gifs and wojaks, spice things up a little.

/tg/
manperor of mankind the god-emperor imperial creed the imperium of man warhammer 40000 wh 40k religion christianity allah hindu buddhist humanity human nature 4chan 1d4chan storytime chaos ave imperator

Pity the Guardsman/ The Hearts of Men

I'm generally surprised that no one's posted this before, or if they did, that I couldn't find it.
I'm generally surprised that no one's posted this before, or if they did, that I couldn't find it.

/tg/
1d4chan 4chan warhammer 40000 wh 40k imperial guard chaos space marine guardsman man khorne hearts pity storytime hold the line