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Upon completing His outburst, God fell silent, standing quietly at the podium for several moments. T...

Upon completing His outburst, God fell silent, standing quietly at the podium for several moments. Then, witnesses reported, God's shoulders began to shake, and He wept.
Upon completing His outburst, God fell silent, standing quietly at the podium for several moments. Then, witnesses reported, God's shoulders began to shake, and He wept.

The Onion
the onion god crying thou shalt not kill

“An Abundance of Cushion” by Stan Kelly

ACCORDING TO "SOCIAL DISTANCING* RULES, YOU TWO NEED TO STAY OUT OF THIS ROOM. KeLLy ©2020 ONION SYNDICATE BUT FIRST: ANOTHER WHISKEY SOUR. Pow! Pow!/ DVD CONSCIENTIOUS CITIZENS PROBABLY CARRIERS CHIPS *LATEST FAD GRAND-DEMIC.
ACCORDING TO "SOCIAL DISTANCING* RULES, YOU TWO NEED TO STAY OUT OF THIS ROOM. KeLLy ©2020 ONION SYNDICATE BUT FIRST: ANOTHER WHISKEY SOUR. Pow! Pow!/ DVD CONSCIENTIOUS CITIZENS PROBABLY CARRIERS CHIPS *LATEST FAD GRAND-DEMIC.

The Onion
chips pizza dvd tv whisky stan kelly

We call it: Doom


The Onion
satire minigun rover nasa mars

SOCIETY

the ONION America's Finest News Source Breaking News: The Onion on the verge of collapse after not being able to make up s--- that is more idiotic than current reality.
the ONION America's Finest News Source Breaking News: The Onion on the verge of collapse after not being able to make up s--- that is more idiotic than current reality.

The Onion
the onion current year weirdest timeline reality

Now that's 'da bomb'

Kel9 GOOD NEWS! MY SON HAS GONE TO THE MIDDLE EAST AND JOINED JIHAD. BECAUSE HE'S FINALLY MOVED OUT OF THE BASEMENT AND IS MAKING SOMETHING OF HIMSELF! @2015 ONION SYNDICATE. // HOW IS THAT GOOD? XX XX OPEN NOW THAT'S "DA BOMB."
Kel9 GOOD NEWS! MY SON HAS GONE TO THE MIDDLE EAST AND JOINED JIHAD. BECAUSE HE'S FINALLY MOVED OUT OF THE BASEMENT AND IS MAKING SOMETHING OF HIMSELF! @2015 ONION SYNDICATE. // HOW IS THAT GOOD? XX XX OPEN NOW THAT'S "DA BOMB."

The Onion
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“Heart On” by Stan Kelly


The Onion
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/r/whoooosh judicial system


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judicial system donald trump /r/whoooosh

/r/atetheonion 16

The Onion 37 mins · O "What the hell am I supposed to do for the next six hours?" LOCAL.THEONION.COM All Of Man's Time-Wasting Websites Exhausted Before Lunch How about reading a fecking book for once? Damn millennials. Like Reply 24 m
The Onion 37 mins · O "What the hell am I supposed to do for the next six hours?" LOCAL.THEONION.COM All Of Man's Time-Wasting Websites Exhausted Before Lunch How about reading a fecking book for once? Damn millennials. Like Reply 24 m

The Onion
millennials reading books work /r/atetheonion

/r/atetheonion 15

@TheOnion 5h God Admits He Rarely Forgives trib.al/ The Onion IYHFV9B 27430 32 2,564 Replying to @TheOnion bull news!!
@TheOnion 5h God Admits He Rarely Forgives trib.al/ The Onion IYHFV9B 27430 32 2,564 Replying to @TheOnion bull news!!

The Onion
god forgives bull crap news /r/atetheonion

/r/atetheonion 14

Yesterday at 4:59 PM • 8 THEONION.COM Popular New Amazon Service Just Comes To Your House And Kills You לן Like Share Comment Wait is this actually real? 15h Haha Reply e r/atetheo...
Yesterday at 4:59 PM • 8 THEONION.COM Popular New Amazon Service Just Comes To Your House And Kills You לן Like Share Comment Wait is this actually real? 15h Haha Reply e r/atetheo...

The Onion
amazon killing /r/atetheonion

/r/atetheonion 13

McDonald's Announces New Spearmint After-Dinner Big Mac trib.al/DWjddll i'm lovin' it O1,260 L76,988 ♡ 18.5K 1, Replying to @TheOnion Who Wants Their Burger To Taste Like Spearmint??? Who????
McDonald's Announces New Spearmint After-Dinner Big Mac trib.al/DWjddll i'm lovin' it O1,260 L76,988 ♡ 18.5K 1, Replying to @TheOnion Who Wants Their Burger To Taste Like Spearmint??? Who????

The Onion
mcdonalds spearmint /r/atetheonion

/r/atetheonion 12

The Onion @TheOnion 1h O U.S. Mint Introduces New Double-Stuf Quarters trib.al/1MWCJXC O 47 271.424 7.740 Replying to @TheOnion and Why????? What's it's worth??? .60??
The Onion @TheOnion 1h O U.S. Mint Introduces New Double-Stuf Quarters trib.al/1MWCJXC O 47 271.424 7.740 Replying to @TheOnion and Why????? What's it's worth??? .60??

The Onion
double-stuf quarters currency /r/atetheonion

/r/atetheonion 11

O) theonion o Christmas-Obsessed Woman Worships Christ Year-Round 37,597 likes theonion Visit link in bio for full story. Its called being a Christian 1 like 9h Reply
O) theonion o Christmas-Obsessed Woman Worships Christ Year-Round 37,597 likes theonion Visit link in bio for full story. Its called being a Christian 1 like 9h Reply

The Onion
christian woman /r/atetheonion

/r/atetheonion 10

Driver Kind Of Bummed To See Other Car He Been Driving Behind For A While Take Exit Off Highway and 63,541 others theonion Visit link in bio for full story. View all 741 comments This is stupid there is no full story and this isnt newsworthy
Driver Kind Of Bummed To See Other Car He Been Driving Behind For A While Take Exit Off Highway and 63,541 others theonion Visit link in bio for full story. View all 741 comments This is stupid there is no full story and this isnt newsworthy

The Onion
driving highways newsworthy /r/atetheonion

/r/atetheonion 9

po000 T-Mobile ? 2:08 PM 89% Saturday at 8:29 PM · Edited t Why, America? Just why? Are DVD players and cameras more important than human life? Why do we desire earthly possessions more than each other? Will there ever come a day when America will be more than a blood- thirsty nation? Please America. Look up and see the hurt and lost and remember that 9/11 was a terroist attack. But this. .. this was us. My heart goes out to those grieving. Praying for y'all. 42 Million Dead In Bloodiest Black Friday Weekend On Record theonion.com News Feed Requests Messenger Notifications More
po000 T-Mobile ? 2:08 PM 89% Saturday at 8:29 PM · Edited t Why, America? Just why? Are DVD players and cameras more important than human life? Why do we desire earthly possessions more than each other? Will there ever come a day when America will be more than a blood- thirsty nation? Please America. Look up and see the hurt and lost and remember that 9/11 was a terroist attack. But this. .. this was us. My heart goes out to those grieving. Praying for y'all. 42 Million Dead In Bloodiest Black Friday Weekend On Record theonion.com News Feed Requests Messenger Notifications More

The Onion
/r/atetheonion black friday death

/r/atetheonion 8

O The Onion @TheOnion · Sep 13, 2018 FEMA Officials Panic After Accidentally Evacuating 1 Million Residents In Direction Of Hurricane trib.al/TfSg3ke How does someone make a mistake like that. O4 7:31 PM - Sep 13, 2018
O The Onion @TheOnion · Sep 13, 2018 FEMA Officials Panic After Accidentally Evacuating 1 Million Residents In Direction Of Hurricane trib.al/TfSg3ke How does someone make a mistake like that. O4 7:31 PM - Sep 13, 2018

The Onion
/r/atetheonion hurricane fema