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Now everybody wish real hard

Americans Hopeful This Will Be Last Mass Shooting Before They Stop On Their Own For No Reason POLICE
Americans Hopeful This Will Be Last Mass Shooting Before They Stop On Their Own For No Reason POLICE

The Onion
onion las vegas shooting

Trump Administration Worried President Burning Through Minority Scapegoats At Unsustainable Rate

Trump Administration Worried President Burning Through Minority Scapegoats At Unsustainable Rate
Trump Administration Worried President Burning Through Minority Scapegoats At Unsustainable Rate

The Onion
donald trump donald trump's transgender military ban

Pentagon Announces Plan To Cover Cost Of Hormone Treatment For Servicemembers Doubling Down On Biolo...

Pentagon Announces Plan To Cover Cost Of Hormone Treatment For Servicemembers Doubling Down On Biological Sex WASHINGTON-Saying the government was committed to helping military personnel reinforce their existing outward identity, Pentagon officials announced a plan Wednesday that would cover the cost of hormone treatment for servicemembers doubling down on their biological sex. "Effective immediately, the Defense Department will begin financing the hormone therapy of armed forces members who wish to recommit to the sex they were assigned at birth," said Defense Secretary James Mattis, adding that it was only right to provide assistance to soldiers who made the difficult decision to intensify the characteristics of the body they currently possess with a protocol of testosterone injections. "U.S. military health plans will now fully compensate any serviceman who would feel more comfortable-indeed, feel truly themselves-if his body hair was twice as thick and his voice was twice as deep as it is currently." Mattis went on to say that female soldiers, meanwhile, were ineligible for the plan but could occasionally take a dose of testosterone if they wanted. C
Pentagon Announces Plan To Cover Cost Of Hormone Treatment For Servicemembers Doubling Down On Biological Sex WASHINGTON-Saying the government was committed to helping military personnel reinforce their existing outward identity, Pentagon officials announced a plan Wednesday that would cover the cost of hormone treatment for servicemembers doubling down on their biological sex. "Effective immediately, the Defense Department will begin financing the hormone therapy of armed forces members who wish to recommit to the sex they were assigned at birth," said Defense Secretary James Mattis, adding that it was only right to provide assistance to soldiers who made the difficult decision to intensify the characteristics of the body they currently possess with a protocol of testosterone injections. "U.S. military health plans will now fully compensate any serviceman who would feel more comfortable-indeed, feel truly themselves-if his body hair was twice as thick and his voice was twice as deep as it is currently." Mattis went on to say that female soldiers, meanwhile, were ineligible for the plan but could occasionally take a dose of testosterone if they wanted. C

The Onion
the pentagon hormone treatment donald trump's transgender military ban

The old joke

MIT Scientists Have Three Sides of Rubik's Cube Complete r. 2 CAMBRIDGE Mass.-A "This represents a major turn. team of MIT physicists breakthrough," said exhaust- "It was the classic example of announced Sunday that it has ed, red-knuckled project being too close to a problem to completed the vital third side leader Dr. Cedric Stephens. see the solution," Barstow of the Rubik's Cube, bringing "With this critical triad com- said. "Only by stepping back it ever closer to solving the pleted, there is reason to and rethinking our whole way believe we can complete the of looking at the cube could we 3 puzzle. final sides by perhaps even ultimately move forward." December of this year." 1000 0100 R=r, r 56=[ 0011 Barstow said it is "too soon to The scientists credited the tell" if this strategic shift breakthrough to a shift in their could be applied to other approach to the multi-colored hand-held twist puzzles, cube. Previously, they had including the Snake, Pyraminx focused their efforts on the and Missing Link. center-most square on each If the MIT team completes the tormula. nsI 4 The cube, pictured with the MIT team's theoretical completion Nation's Asylums Privatized; Millions of side of the puzzle. But team Rubik's Cube, its members will Rubik Institute officials, it w was University of Tokyo similarly be the first people in the world discovered that the German claimed to have solved the ever to do so. A team of scientists had illegally puzzle last month, but he, too, Berlin physicists removed the stickers and reap- was exposed as a fraud when plied them in their proper he was found to have pulled the cube apart and snapped it member Dr. Jim Barstow sug- Lunatics Set Free to Fend for Selves restebether Tiu Banatow FLg ested the group on the four outer corners while closely monitoring the position ity of Univers reported solving the puzzle PAGE 11D of each square on the reverse last November, but, upon close places. side of the cube during each examination of the cube by J Japanese scientist at the back together correctly.
MIT Scientists Have Three Sides of Rubik's Cube Complete r. 2 CAMBRIDGE Mass.-A "This represents a major turn. team of MIT physicists breakthrough," said exhaust- "It was the classic example of announced Sunday that it has ed, red-knuckled project being too close to a problem to completed the vital third side leader Dr. Cedric Stephens. see the solution," Barstow of the Rubik's Cube, bringing "With this critical triad com- said. "Only by stepping back it ever closer to solving the pleted, there is reason to and rethinking our whole way believe we can complete the of looking at the cube could we 3 puzzle. final sides by perhaps even ultimately move forward." December of this year." 1000 0100 R=r, r 56=[ 0011 Barstow said it is "too soon to The scientists credited the tell" if this strategic shift breakthrough to a shift in their could be applied to other approach to the multi-colored hand-held twist puzzles, cube. Previously, they had including the Snake, Pyraminx focused their efforts on the and Missing Link. center-most square on each If the MIT team completes the tormula. nsI 4 The cube, pictured with the MIT team's theoretical completion Nation's Asylums Privatized; Millions of side of the puzzle. But team Rubik's Cube, its members will Rubik Institute officials, it w was University of Tokyo similarly be the first people in the world discovered that the German claimed to have solved the ever to do so. A team of scientists had illegally puzzle last month, but he, too, Berlin physicists removed the stickers and reap- was exposed as a fraud when plied them in their proper he was found to have pulled the cube apart and snapped it member Dr. Jim Barstow sug- Lunatics Set Free to Fend for Selves restebether Tiu Banatow FLg ested the group on the four outer corners while closely monitoring the position ity of Univers reported solving the puzzle PAGE 11D of each square on the reverse last November, but, upon close places. side of the cube during each examination of the cube by J Japanese scientist at the back together correctly.

The Onion
rubik's cube scientist mit formula

Report: It Still Nowhere Near Okay To Act Like Donald Trump

ELECTION 2016 ★ MORE ELECTION COVERAGE Report: It Still Nowhere Near Okay To Act Like Donald 'Truump NEWS IN BRIEF November 10, 2016 VOL 52 ISSUE 44 Politics Election 2016 Donald Trump
ELECTION 2016 ★ MORE ELECTION COVERAGE Report: It Still Nowhere Near Okay To Act Like Donald 'Truump NEWS IN BRIEF November 10, 2016 VOL 52 ISSUE 44 Politics Election 2016 Donald Trump

The Onion
donald trump the onion 2016 us presidential election

Unfortunately, this isn't satire. Yes, Hillary did just buy The Onion.

Home Terms and Conditions Disclaimer LIVE STREAM Subscribe to Our Newsletter Privacy Policy About Us Contact Us The Free Thought Projeot.com Free Minds, Free People 18 HOME #SOLUTIONS POLICE BRUTALITY FOREIGN AFFAIRS CHECK BACKGROUND RECORDS GOVERNMENT CORRUPTION FILMING COPS Feb ABOUT US CONTACT US DISCLAIMER LIVE STREAM PRVACY POLICY SUBSCRIBE TO OUR NEWSLETTER Search Free Thought Project <> niversity of Texas Announces They Will Allow Students to Carry Handguns into Classrooms Hillary's Top Donor Just Bought The Onion- Started Publishing Propaganda Immediately By Claire Bernish on February 18, 2016e e Paid Content: 169 125 43 56 8-1 init Reddit Tweet Email Share Female Presidential Candidate Who Was United States Senator, Secretary Of State Told To Be More Inspiring Natural Trick For Restoring Hair Color Stops Grey Hair New Multi-Vitamin NEWS IN BRIEF February 16, 2016 VOL 52 ISSUE 06 Politics Politicians Hillary Clinton Election 2016 A Seduction Technique Women Can't Resist Simple Trick To Make Anyone Your Girlfriend the ONIO 3 Simple Steps To Fat Hormone Get Any Woman To Stops Women From Obsess Over You Losing Weight
Home Terms and Conditions Disclaimer LIVE STREAM Subscribe to Our Newsletter Privacy Policy About Us Contact Us The Free Thought Projeot.com Free Minds, Free People 18 HOME #SOLUTIONS POLICE BRUTALITY FOREIGN AFFAIRS CHECK BACKGROUND RECORDS GOVERNMENT CORRUPTION FILMING COPS Feb ABOUT US CONTACT US DISCLAIMER LIVE STREAM PRVACY POLICY SUBSCRIBE TO OUR NEWSLETTER Search Free Thought Project <> niversity of Texas Announces They Will Allow Students to Carry Handguns into Classrooms Hillary's Top Donor Just Bought The Onion- Started Publishing Propaganda Immediately By Claire Bernish on February 18, 2016e e Paid Content: 169 125 43 56 8-1 init Reddit Tweet Email Share Female Presidential Candidate Who Was United States Senator, Secretary Of State Told To Be More Inspiring Natural Trick For Restoring Hair Color Stops Grey Hair New Multi-Vitamin NEWS IN BRIEF February 16, 2016 VOL 52 ISSUE 06 Politics Politicians Hillary Clinton Election 2016 A Seduction Technique Women Can't Resist Simple Trick To Make Anyone Your Girlfriend the ONIO 3 Simple Steps To Fat Hormone Get Any Woman To Stops Women From Obsess Over You Losing Weight

The Onion
the onion hillary clinton hillary onion rip

The Onion Has Got It Right

"Imgur":http://imgur.com/eJe72fg
"Imgur":http://imgur.com/eJe72fg

The Onion
recall toyota camry

It's OP

Scientists Baffled By Man's Incredible Ability To F--- Up Every Time MARCH 7, 2011 1ISSUE 47-10 I MORE NEWS
Scientists Baffled By Man's Incredible Ability To F--- Up Every Time MARCH 7, 2011 1ISSUE 47-10 I MORE NEWS

The Onion
the onion reaction:disappoint scientist

Be sure to poke holes so they can breath

I see they learned their lesson from the documentary, take care of your pets. Sauce: http://www.theonion.com/graphic/seaworld-employees-place-orcas-plastic-bags-water--51818
I see they learned their lesson from the documentary, take care of your pets. Sauce: http://www.theonion.com/graphic/seaworld-employees-place-orcas-plastic-bags-water--51818

The Onion
shamu orcas seaworld fish tanks whale tanks plastic bags baggies goldfish cleaning san diejo onion article this actually made me laugh at my phone but if anyone can do that it's the onion

Government to confiscate one person's guns

"Imgur":http://imgur.com/wkWkyA3
"Imgur":http://imgur.com/wkWkyA3

The Onion
gun guns gun control government

Security Hacks

Latest Online Security Breach Forces Mom To Change Post-It NEWS IN PHOTOS Local Technology Internet ISSUE 50 31 Aug 7, 2014 Share on Twitter gt Share on Facebook 27.1K 885 242
Latest Online Security Breach Forces Mom To Change Post-It NEWS IN PHOTOS Local Technology Internet ISSUE 50 31 Aug 7, 2014 Share on Twitter gt Share on Facebook 27.1K 885 242

The Onion
satire security hacks computer post-it password

A important life lesson

HR Sends Out Reminder Email About Not Scrawling Revenge' In Blood In Conference Room NEWS IN BRIEF September 12, 2014 VOL 50 ISSUE 36 Local Mental Health Workplace ONION VIDE JEFFREYP TOP NEWS 6-Year-Old Dat:a Entertaining Off Agencies SPOKANE, WA-After the eighth such incident this year, Vista Consulting Partners human resources director Beth Shumaker sent out a company-wide email Thursday reminding employees not to scrawl the word "revenge" in blood across any surface in the conference room. "Most of you are already familiar with this rule, but just as a refresher, it's directly against company policy for an employee to use blood to write revenge' on the conference room walls, door, or table," wrote Shumaker, emphasizing that it did not matter if the word was rendered in human or animal blood. "Remember that we all use this room, and it's inconsiderate to force your colleagues to delay their meeting to scrub revenge' off the whiteboard or windows." Shumaker added that any employee who wanted revenge should simply carve the word into the forehead of his or her supervisor.
HR Sends Out Reminder Email About Not Scrawling Revenge' In Blood In Conference Room NEWS IN BRIEF September 12, 2014 VOL 50 ISSUE 36 Local Mental Health Workplace ONION VIDE JEFFREYP TOP NEWS 6-Year-Old Dat:a Entertaining Off Agencies SPOKANE, WA-After the eighth such incident this year, Vista Consulting Partners human resources director Beth Shumaker sent out a company-wide email Thursday reminding employees not to scrawl the word "revenge" in blood across any surface in the conference room. "Most of you are already familiar with this rule, but just as a refresher, it's directly against company policy for an employee to use blood to write revenge' on the conference room walls, door, or table," wrote Shumaker, emphasizing that it did not matter if the word was rendered in human or animal blood. "Remember that we all use this room, and it's inconsiderate to force your colleagues to delay their meeting to scrub revenge' off the whiteboard or windows." Shumaker added that any employee who wanted revenge should simply carve the word into the forehead of his or her supervisor.

The Onion
the onion

The Onion is two for two.

"Imgur":http://imgur.com/nPjcDFX
"Imgur":http://imgur.com/nPjcDFX

The Onion
donald trump politics

I dunno, some title

<a href="http://www.theonion.com/article/study-us-wastes-2-million-hours-annually-figuring--50764?utm_source=Tumblr&utm_medium=SocialMarketing&utm_campaign=Default:1:Default" class="button green">Study: US Wastes 2 Million Hours Annually Figuring Out Where Tape Roll Starts<a/>
<a href="http://www.theonion.com/article/study-us-wastes-2-million-hours-annually-figuring--50764?utm_source=Tumblr&utm_medium=SocialMarketing&utm_campaign=Default:1:Default" class="button green">Study: US Wastes 2 Million Hours Annually Figuring Out Where Tape Roll Starts<a/>

The Onion
tape onion two million hours study tape roll

"FIFA Frantically Announces 2015 Summer World Cup In The United States: Global Soccer Tournament To Kick Off In America Later This Afternoon"

"source":http://www.theonion.com/article/fifa-frantically-announces-2015-summer-world-cup-u-50525
"source":http://www.theonion.com/article/fifa-frantically-announces-2015-summer-world-cup-u-50525

The Onion
the onion fifa corruption scandal satire satirical news

The Onion delivers.

<a href="http://www.theonion.com/articles/teacher-who-dedicates-life-to-students-total-fucki,38124/?utm_source=Tumblr&utm_medium=SocialMarketing&utm_campaign=Default:1:Default">Link to the article</a>
<a href="http://www.theonion.com/articles/teacher-who-dedicates-life-to-students-total-fucki,38124/?utm_source=Tumblr&utm_medium=SocialMarketing&utm_campaign=Default:1:Default">Link to the article</a>

The Onion
tumblr the onion teacher school