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5 Little Monkeys Jumping on the Bed

catlips001 5 little monkeys jumping on the bed. One fell off and catlips001 autopasta was diagnosed with mesothelioma. Mamma called the doctor and the doctor said ask-cloud-skipper you might be entitled to financial compensation if he or a loved one dies

catlips001 5 little monkeys jumping on the bed. One fell off and catlips001 autopasta was diagnosed with mesothelioma. Mamma called the doctor and the doctor said ask-cloud-skipper you might be entitled to financial compensation if he or a loved one dies

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Translating Shakespeare

stillthelouvres ROMEO: I dreamt a dream tonight. MERCUTIO: And so did I. ROMEO: Well, what was yours? MERCUTIO: That dreamers often lie. romeo and juliet (1.4) - william shakespeare gayred5 romeo: i had this intense af dream last night bro mercutio: oh so did i romeo: what did u dream dude mercutio: that ur full of

stillthelouvres ROMEO: I dreamt a dream tonight. MERCUTIO: And so did I. ROMEO: Well, what was yours? MERCUTIO: That dreamers often lie. romeo and juliet (1.4) - william shakespeare gayred5 romeo: i had this intense af dream last night bro mercutio: oh so did i romeo: what did u dream dude mercutio: that ur full of

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Listen to the Wine

If you encounter wine snobs, confuse them by using this move SLPT: Confuse those wine snobs by "hearing the wine zombiebiologist so i told my mom about this post before she and my dad went on a trip to napa, and she was delighted to try this out and apparently, when she straight-faced, lifted her glass of chardonnay to her ear and swirled it, she baffled the other winery-goers so much that they all instinctively did exactly the same thing. that sort of crowd-think, that you aren't quite sure what's right but you'll be damned if you're mistaken for the plebian that you are but watching that was enough for my mom to lose her composure, laugh so hard she cried, and spill the entire glass all over herself, in the process getting kicked out of the winery so long story short do this at your own risk

If you encounter wine snobs, confuse them by using this move SLPT: Confuse those wine snobs by "hearing the wine zombiebiologist so i told my mom about this post before she and my dad went on a trip to napa, and she was delighted to try this out and apparently, when she straight-faced, lifted her glass of chardonnay to her ear and swirled it, she baffled the other winery-goers so much that they all instinctively did exactly the same thing. that sort of crowd-think, that you aren't quite sure what's right but you'll be damned if you're mistaken for the plebian that you are but watching that was enough for my mom to lose her composure, laugh so hard she cried, and spill the entire glass all over herself, in the process getting kicked out of the winery so long story short do this at your own risk

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Crisis Averted

writing-prompt-s Follow Humans have been giving their pets god names for millennia, not knowing that they actually bestow upon them the gods power. But it's divided amongst all pets with the same name, so ultimately quite harmless. This morning, by a quirk of fate, yours is the only cat named Zeus. Bos be lesbitomboyish Follow le be h Potential crisis prevented- my cat is already neutered. Source: writing-prompt-s

writing-prompt-s Follow Humans have been giving their pets god names for millennia, not knowing that they actually bestow upon them the gods power. But it's divided amongst all pets with the same name, so ultimately quite harmless. This morning, by a quirk of fate, yours is the only cat named Zeus. Bos be lesbitomboyish Follow le be h Potential crisis prevented- my cat is already neutered. Source: writing-prompt-s

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True Fear

sratwars you have not experienced true fear until a poster falls down in the middle of the night camdeezy One time I thought a poster had fallen down in the middle of the night, but when I turned on my light, it actually was an opossum that fell through my ceiling into my room. So, that's actually true fear. shasta-brah oh.

sratwars you have not experienced true fear until a poster falls down in the middle of the night camdeezy One time I thought a poster had fallen down in the middle of the night, but when I turned on my light, it actually was an opossum that fell through my ceiling into my room. So, that's actually true fear. shasta-brah oh.

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Trespassing

paxamericana Follow Amanda Smith @AmandaRTubbs The face of a cat who has been coming to Coors Field regularly since March 2020 and just showed up to the stadium with a crowd in it for the first time. PRICE 21 CHES 1-2 4 11 6 -8 :9 10:46 PM - Apr 2, 2021 · Twitter for iPhone 1,035 Retweets 107 Quote Tweets 8,541 Likes princesscolumbia Follow .you come to MY HOUSE...?!?!?!?"

paxamericana Follow Amanda Smith @AmandaRTubbs The face of a cat who has been coming to Coors Field regularly since March 2020 and just showed up to the stadium with a crowd in it for the first time. PRICE 21 CHES 1-2 4 11 6 -8 :9 10:46 PM - Apr 2, 2021 · Twitter for iPhone 1,035 Retweets 107 Quote Tweets 8,541 Likes princesscolumbia Follow .you come to MY HOUSE...?!?!?!?"

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Shake up the old bag of hammers

death-g-reaper I love to make up phrases and slap "if you know what I mean" on the end. It implies there's meaning to it and it leaves the recipient wondering bpdsebastian i too like to shake up the old bag of hammers if you know what i mean death-g-reaper I know exactly what you mean my dude

death-g-reaper I love to make up phrases and slap "if you know what I mean" on the end. It implies there's meaning to it and it leaves the recipient wondering bpdsebastian i too like to shake up the old bag of hammers if you know what i mean death-g-reaper I know exactly what you mean my dude

if you know what i mean made up fake phrases

speak for yourself

having seaweed rub against u when ur swimming in the ocean is like having satan slowly caress ur legs and toes while smiling creepily at u and whispering "mayonnaise" I feel so uncomfortable this is one of the funniest things i've ever read

having seaweed rub against u when ur swimming in the ocean is like having satan slowly caress ur legs and toes while smiling creepily at u and whispering "mayonnaise" I feel so uncomfortable this is one of the funniest things i've ever read

seaweed satan mayonnaise

Cute puppy

Hey guys did I mention I live on a f------ weird island and sometimes land crabs with 8-inch claws try to get into my house scotchtapeofficial cute puppy what breed is he purified-zone sideways

Hey guys did I mention I live on a f------ weird island and sometimes land crabs with 8-inch claws try to get into my house scotchtapeofficial cute puppy what breed is he purified-zone sideways

crab island puppy breed dog

both, both are good

RU NẾD ruinedchildhood A S raven A lornacrowley ok quick question is the phrase "going to chipotle with aristotle" funnier if you mispronounce chipotle, or aristotle Source: lornacrowley 141,649 notes

RU NẾD ruinedchildhood A S raven A lornacrowley ok quick question is the phrase "going to chipotle with aristotle" funnier if you mispronounce chipotle, or aristotle Source: lornacrowley 141,649 notes

chipotle aristotle mispronounce

Weird and Disturbing Thoughts

stamtnek: castiel-knight-of-hell: soras-majestic-butt: do you ever catch yourself thinking of something so weird and f----- up that you have to stop mid-thought and your face is our thoughts aren't always from us. Sometimes random thoughts are our brain trying to process and understand concepts we've heard from other people. Your reaction to that thought shows your true feelings on the subject this actually makes me very relieved

stamtnek: castiel-knight-of-hell: soras-majestic-butt: do you ever catch yourself thinking of something so weird and f----- up that you have to stop mid-thought and your face is our thoughts aren't always from us. Sometimes random thoughts are our brain trying to process and understand concepts we've heard from other people. Your reaction to that thought shows your true feelings on the subject this actually makes me very relieved

thoughts disturbing thoughts weird thoughts brain mind

ugh i'm such a bee

leopharry I have decided on a new constellation. I call it The Bees. If you look up at the night sky and see all those sparkly dots, congratulations. You see The Bees. I have just made astrology 10000x easier, you're welcome. quiescens those born under the sign of the bees: have emotions • think thoughts • is likely introverted or extroverted • has at least a few friends was born at some point

leopharry I have decided on a new constellation. I call it The Bees. If you look up at the night sky and see all those sparkly dots, congratulations. You see The Bees. I have just made astrology 10000x easier, you're welcome. quiescens those born under the sign of the bees: have emotions • think thoughts • is likely introverted or extroverted • has at least a few friends was born at some point

astrology constellation bees

Sir step away from the dartboard

adzolotl you call it "really bad at darts", I call it freestyle acupuncture sailor--spoon Sir l'm going to have to ask you to leave the bar

adzolotl you call it "really bad at darts", I call it freestyle acupuncture sailor--spoon Sir l'm going to have to ask you to leave the bar

acupuncture darts bar

I was born in the right generation

trebled-negrita-princess: theuppitynegras: I love vintage stuff but l'm so glad I can enjoy them in the 21st century with my iphone, wifi and slightly more human rights somebody gets it.

trebled-negrita-princess: theuppitynegras: I love vintage stuff but l'm so glad I can enjoy them in the 21st century with my iphone, wifi and slightly more human rights somebody gets it.

vintage nostalgia modern

i hear voices

academicssay Active voice: I loved your book Passive voice: Your book was loved Passive-aggressive voice: I love how you felt the need to write a book

academicssay Active voice: I loved your book Passive voice: Your book was loved Passive-aggressive voice: I love how you felt the need to write a book

voice passive aggressive book

oh ouch

hotdadcalendar I'm actually concerned for boys who complain about how different girls look without makeup. Like did you think eyeshadow permanently alters a girls eyelid? Are you frightened when people change clothes weetbixgod Babies have no concept of object permanence G sisterjudyjudybobudy That's one of the sickest burns l've ever read.

hotdadcalendar I'm actually concerned for boys who complain about how different girls look without makeup. Like did you think eyeshadow permanently alters a girls eyelid? Are you frightened when people change clothes weetbixgod Babies have no concept of object permanence G sisterjudyjudybobudy That's one of the sickest burns l've ever read.

babies makeup dating relationships burn

free range bears

spoonie-isms I'm done with "all natural" People say all natural like it makes things automatically safe and good for you. You know what is all natural? Lava. Sulfuric acid A bear. ponetium Bears: all natural, organic, non GMO, gluten free, soy free.

spoonie-isms I'm done with "all natural" People say all natural like it makes things automatically safe and good for you. You know what is all natural? Lava. Sulfuric acid A bear. ponetium Bears: all natural, organic, non GMO, gluten free, soy free.

all natural bears organic

The Sex Raft

REI tilthat TIL the "Sex Raft" was a 1973 experiment in which five men and six women of various religions, nationalities and social backgrounds drifted across the Atlantic on a raft for 101 days in order to study sexual and physical aggression. It produced little in the way of worthwhile scientific results via reddit.com sirobvious Whose f------ idea was this sadhoc Omonell @LoriBeth570 psychologists in the 70s I am going to create an experiment that is so unethical if you want to read more about it Y riverside--wren Okay, this is so funny. I've just read a few articles about this and this dude though that since monkeys fight over ovulating females, humans would do the same thing. But instead of lots of sex and violence, dude barely got any of either. And this dude was so hellbent on causing drama from the start? He put the women in charge of the important s--- and gave the men menial jobs specifically because he thought it would emasculate the men and make them more aggressive. Instead, everyone worked well together. He banned reading materials so they couldn't distract themselves from interpersonal drama. Instead they sung songs and told stories to keep themselves occupied. He gave "confidential" scientific questionnaires with questions like "who do you dislike most on this boat?" and "who do you most want to have sex with?" and then started to read peoples' answers aloud at group meetings. And they didn't even fight over that. The most violent thing that happened on the trip? The raft's captain wanted to pull into a port because of an oncoming hurricane, but he thought having literally any interaction with outside humans would “taint his experiment", so he committed a mutiny against her. And he then nearly got them all killed when they got too close to a large ship and he panicked, but the proper captain kept a cool head and saved their lives, resulting in everyone ousting the scientist. Also, sex-wise? To try to "ensure" people had sex with each other, he only chose participants he personally thought were attractive (and l'm sorry dude but your tastes are not everyone's tastes). Also he made sure that one of the people on the raft was a priest because he thought it would make them feel guilty for all the sex they would definitely be having and then cause more drama? But then because the quarters was so cramped and they spent so much time together (it wasn't even possible to piss in private) that the only ways to have sex were in front of the whole group or in the dead of night with one hand on the helm. So they just didn't. Reminiscing about it years later, the members basically said "it was a lovely trip, except for that a------ scientist." i-peed-so-hard-i-laughed if you ever thought you were bad at your profession, this was a real scientist, for real, in real life Source: tilthat 54,239 notes

REI tilthat TIL the "Sex Raft" was a 1973 experiment in which five men and six women of various religions, nationalities and social backgrounds drifted across the Atlantic on a raft for 101 days in order to study sexual and physical aggression. It produced little in the way of worthwhile scientific results via reddit.com sirobvious Whose f------ idea was this sadhoc Omonell @LoriBeth570 psychologists in the 70s I am going to create an experiment that is so unethical if you want to read more about it Y riverside--wren Okay, this is so funny. I've just read a few articles about this and this dude though that since monkeys fight over ovulating females, humans would do the same thing. But instead of lots of sex and violence, dude barely got any of either. And this dude was so hellbent on causing drama from the start? He put the women in charge of the important s--- and gave the men menial jobs specifically because he thought it would emasculate the men and make them more aggressive. Instead, everyone worked well together. He banned reading materials so they couldn't distract themselves from interpersonal drama. Instead they sung songs and told stories to keep themselves occupied. He gave "confidential" scientific questionnaires with questions like "who do you dislike most on this boat?" and "who do you most want to have sex with?" and then started to read peoples' answers aloud at group meetings. And they didn't even fight over that. The most violent thing that happened on the trip? The raft's captain wanted to pull into a port because of an oncoming hurricane, but he thought having literally any interaction with outside humans would “taint his experiment", so he committed a mutiny against her. And he then nearly got them all killed when they got too close to a large ship and he panicked, but the proper captain kept a cool head and saved their lives, resulting in everyone ousting the scientist. Also, sex-wise? To try to "ensure" people had sex with each other, he only chose participants he personally thought were attractive (and l'm sorry dude but your tastes are not everyone's tastes). Also he made sure that one of the people on the raft was a priest because he thought it would make them feel guilty for all the sex they would definitely be having and then cause more drama? But then because the quarters was so cramped and they spent so much time together (it wasn't even possible to piss in private) that the only ways to have sex were in front of the whole group or in the dead of night with one hand on the helm. So they just didn't. Reminiscing about it years later, the members basically said "it was a lovely trip, except for that a------ scientist." i-peed-so-hard-i-laughed if you ever thought you were bad at your profession, this was a real scientist, for real, in real life Source: tilthat 54,239 notes

sex raft scientist experiment failure psychology reality tv

u ever see a post that just looks like someone swinging a bat at a hornet's nest

smugbots-and-such u ever see a post that just looks like someone swinging a bat at a hornet's nest In your orbit 3,527 notes

smugbots-and-such u ever see a post that just looks like someone swinging a bat at a hornet's nest In your orbit 3,527 notes

reaction image baseball bat hornet's nest flamebait