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timtampon I was talking to my friend on the phone and then she almost got run over and i was obviously really concerned so i asked her if she was okay and after a moment she replied "there is a Jesus in the sky" in a really matter- of-fact sort of way so obviously I thought something was seriously wrong but

timtampon I was talking to my friend on the phone and then she almost got run over and i was obviously really concerned so i asked her if she was okay and after a moment she replied "there is a Jesus in the sky" in a really matter- of-fact sort of way so obviously I thought something was seriously wrong but

Sorry If This is a Repost

attains: attains: if i were a murderer i'd be the febreze murderer and lead my victims blindfolded to undisclosed locations and i'd ask them what they smelled and they'd be like "omg ocean air and tulips" and then i'd rip off the blindfold and it would be A PILE OF THE BODIES OF MY PREVIOUS VICTIMS my mom made me go to a therapist because of this

attains: attains: if i were a murderer i'd be the febreze murderer and lead my victims blindfolded to undisclosed locations and i'd ask them what they smelled and they'd be like "omg ocean air and tulips" and then i'd rip off the blindfold and it would be A PILE OF THE BODIES OF MY PREVIOUS VICTIMS my mom made me go to a therapist because of this

tyleroakley mewowstic+ Source: connors-cigar ed 冫, nbeat 98 cntqueen: this person probably has to study for finals 482,753 notes

tyleroakley mewowstic+ Source: connors-cigar ed 冫, nbeat 98 cntqueen: this person probably has to study for finals 482,753 notes

walmart candy finals

swordie i can hold a wet bar of soap better than a conversation

swordie i can hold a wet bar of soap better than a conversation

soap conversation wet

moniquill manateehime firelorcl the-doctors-rose: ho CAN I GET A HELL YEAH!?? teacher voice i dont know, can you? sighs* "MAY I get a hell yeah?" teacher voice" you should have gotten a hell yeah during the break before class started other student voice thats not enough time to get a hell yeah Other teacher voice* It's grossly unethical to prevent your students from getting a hell yeah when they need one; at this point you're the one causing an interruption and making a scene. #it got better

moniquill manateehime firelorcl the-doctors-rose: ho CAN I GET A HELL YEAH!?? teacher voice i dont know, can you? sighs* "MAY I get a hell yeah?" teacher voice" you should have gotten a hell yeah during the break before class started other student voice thats not enough time to get a hell yeah Other teacher voice* It's grossly unethical to prevent your students from getting a hell yeah when they need one; at this point you're the one causing an interruption and making a scene. #it got better

teacher hell yeah

dildotho warsquirtie In Italian we don't just say I love you, we say "mettersi a nudo, ottenere selvatici, sono incinta con il bambino" which means "you are the light of my world, the rainbow on an otherwise cloudy day" and I think that's beautiful English Latin German Tranaiss get naked, get wild, I'm pregnant with your child

dildotho warsquirtie In Italian we don't just say I love you, we say "mettersi a nudo, ottenere selvatici, sono incinta con il bambino" which means "you are the light of my world, the rainbow on an otherwise cloudy day" and I think that's beautiful English Latin German Tranaiss get naked, get wild, I'm pregnant with your child

naked italian beautiful wild pregnant romantic

poorchrysalis mean they hooked up. what do u mean u have a boyfriend. what do u mean someone shot archduke ferdinand

poorchrysalis mean they hooked up. what do u mean u have a boyfriend. what do u mean someone shot archduke ferdinand

archduke ferdinand

i-moriarty: oeshmo shavingryansprivate romeo romeo where the f--- is you, romeo F--- you, the original line in Romeo and Juliet is "Wherefore art thou". And maybe if you stopped being an assumption-making bag of f------ a------, you'd know that wherefore does NOT F------ MEAN "WHERE", WHEREFORE MEANS "WHY" SHE'S ASKING WHY HIS NAME IS ROMEO. F--- ALL OF YOU. F--- ALL OF YOU HARD UP THE TOENAIL. I TAKE MY SHAKESPEARE SERIOUSLY AS T---. romeo romeo why the f--- is you romeo

i-moriarty: oeshmo shavingryansprivate romeo romeo where the f--- is you, romeo F--- you, the original line in Romeo and Juliet is "Wherefore art thou". And maybe if you stopped being an assumption-making bag of f------ a------, you'd know that wherefore does NOT F------ MEAN "WHERE", WHEREFORE MEANS "WHY" SHE'S ASKING WHY HIS NAME IS ROMEO. F--- ALL OF YOU. F--- ALL OF YOU HARD UP THE TOENAIL. I TAKE MY SHAKESPEARE SERIOUSLY AS T---. romeo romeo why the f--- is you romeo

This Dog Looks Like A Penis... And Your Husband Is Adorable!

September 1,2013 491,319 notes hooray-for-no-lives stepchildofthesun crystalmeowth My dog looks like a fuzzy penis. That is all, bye. i sat here laughing for like ten minutes I almost had a heart attack last night while my husband and I were lying in bed reading and his entire body starts shaking. I'm all ARE YOU OK ARE YOU HAVING A SEIZURE ARE YOU CRYING WHATS HAPPENING and then i realize he's just laughing hysterically- so hard that he CANT MAKE NOISE And I go: Are you thinking about that damn penis dog again? him: "silent nodding while he claps like a dumb seal YOUR HUSBAND IS ADORABLE AS F--- No joke, I'd love to have a giant fuzzy plushie penis exactly like in the picture. What a conversation keiller-starter! (Source: cokeandasmoke, via shinglang) Filed under OT, DOGGIE, OR PLUSHIE PENIS?

September 1,2013 491,319 notes hooray-for-no-lives stepchildofthesun crystalmeowth My dog looks like a fuzzy penis. That is all, bye. i sat here laughing for like ten minutes I almost had a heart attack last night while my husband and I were lying in bed reading and his entire body starts shaking. I'm all ARE YOU OK ARE YOU HAVING A SEIZURE ARE YOU CRYING WHATS HAPPENING and then i realize he's just laughing hysterically- so hard that he CANT MAKE NOISE And I go: Are you thinking about that damn penis dog again? him: "silent nodding while he claps like a dumb seal YOUR HUSBAND IS ADORABLE AS F--- No joke, I'd love to have a giant fuzzy plushie penis exactly like in the picture. What a conversation keiller-starter! (Source: cokeandasmoke, via shinglang) Filed under OT, DOGGIE, OR PLUSHIE PENIS?

dog screenshot post tumblr penis puppy adorkable husband is this nsfw? i really do- fff-hahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! i- i can't stop laughing! my ri-i-ibs! wait. the last poster... fuzzy penis plushie

I don't have a "type". If I like you, I like you And if I like you, you're pretty special. Because I hate everyone

I don't have a "type". If I like you, I like you And if I like you, you're pretty special. Because I hate everyone

tumblr misanthrope

10 31 '00 havocados basedgaben My dad credits this as his favorite photo of me. When I was younger, I was very socially anxious. I hated crowds, hated attention, hated being up on stage. In preschool there was this little Halloween show that we put on, and man, I did not want to do that s---, let me tell you. All those parents watching me sing some stupid song? Nah, that ain't me. But I was forced to, and I was p----- about it. My dad was in the audience, taking pictures and enjoying the show. In that moment, I swear, my tiny four year old was pure rage and resentment. I felt the word "f---" years before I knew what it was. My dad pointed the camera at me, and I turned, and I looked. I gave him the look that summed up all the anger, all the absolute fury that was brewing inside me. He says that he had never before seen such a perfect depiction of total and complete hatred. In his four year old son. To this day whenever I get p-----, he calls me "Buzz Lightyear I felt the word "f---" years before I knew what it was. 136,484 notes

10 31 '00 havocados basedgaben My dad credits this as his favorite photo of me. When I was younger, I was very socially anxious. I hated crowds, hated attention, hated being up on stage. In preschool there was this little Halloween show that we put on, and man, I did not want to do that s---, let me tell you. All those parents watching me sing some stupid song? Nah, that ain't me. But I was forced to, and I was p----- about it. My dad was in the audience, taking pictures and enjoying the show. In that moment, I swear, my tiny four year old was pure rage and resentment. I felt the word "f---" years before I knew what it was. My dad pointed the camera at me, and I turned, and I looked. I gave him the look that summed up all the anger, all the absolute fury that was brewing inside me. He says that he had never before seen such a perfect depiction of total and complete hatred. In his four year old son. To this day whenever I get p-----, he calls me "Buzz Lightyear I felt the word "f---" years before I knew what it was. 136,484 notes

aquachilddicksquad forcing people to listen to my music when I'm driving

aquachilddicksquad forcing people to listen to my music when I'm driving

tumblr when car gif cars auto while force drive autos forcing people to listen to my music i'm driving

He Becomes A Teapot

ASIES.com mymistakesandretakes ohscario dehoppus thisisalifeyoucantdenvus Everyone looks worried apart from that guy on the far left.. i like how the guy on the right is so shocked he becomes a teapot he becomes a teapot he becomes a teapot I've been laughing for the last 7 minutes because of the teapot guy

ASIES.com mymistakesandretakes ohscario dehoppus thisisalifeyoucantdenvus Everyone looks worried apart from that guy on the far left.. i like how the guy on the right is so shocked he becomes a teapot he becomes a teapot he becomes a teapot I've been laughing for the last 7 minutes because of the teapot guy

grosse shyguy feels dead inside after a long, sensual night with captain toad 3,234 notes

grosse shyguy feels dead inside after a long, sensual night with captain toad 3,234 notes

toad shy guy captain toad

Probably already posted,but idk

forfuturereferenceonly: telemiscommunication: francieum: jomason: | but why is forty spelled forty not fourty Because no one likes u

forfuturereferenceonly: telemiscommunication: francieum: jomason: | but why is forty spelled forty not fourty Because no one likes u

party-into-thesun sharkchunks basedgosh why would she sell sea shells by a sea shore when you can just business She's sold sea shells by the seashore since shapely seashore seashells stay scarce. Since she sells superior shells searchers spend centuries searching for, seldom selling simple shells, so she still sustains solid savings. Te

party-into-thesun sharkchunks basedgosh why would she sell sea shells by a sea shore when you can just business She's sold sea shells by the seashore since shapely seashore seashells stay scarce. Since she sells superior shells searchers spend centuries searching for, seldom selling simple shells, so she still sustains solid savings. Te

tumblr tongue twister sea shells

No comment

Mom can you give me money? To buy ice-cream? Yeeees, ice-cream! dietchola WHAT DOES THIS MEAN 108,665 notes け

Mom can you give me money? To buy ice-cream? Yeeees, ice-cream! dietchola WHAT DOES THIS MEAN 108,665 notes け

tumblr ice cream hay bales

The most dangerous phrase in the language is "we've always donedt i wait ace-vibez: fandom-universe kungfucarrie The most dangerous phrase in the language is, "we've always done it this way." "Come on, let's mix it up!" The heart surgeon says. B-but we've always done it this way!" The other replies, "this is how you replace a heart valve." "That's the most dangerous phrase in the human language!" The first surgeon replies haughtily as he inputs a fruit loop into the patient's heart. "This will be his valve. He will be a fruit loop in a world of Cheerios." That comment is the only acceptable response to this quote

The most dangerous phrase in the language is "we've always donedt i wait ace-vibez: fandom-universe kungfucarrie The most dangerous phrase in the language is, "we've always done it this way." "Come on, let's mix it up!" The heart surgeon says. B-but we've always done it this way!" The other replies, "this is how you replace a heart valve." "That's the most dangerous phrase in the human language!" The first surgeon replies haughtily as he inputs a fruit loop into the patient's heart. "This will be his valve. He will be a fruit loop in a world of Cheerios." That comment is the only acceptable response to this quote

tumblr heart surgeon we've always done it this way fruit loop cheerio

zeeday timmypuddin Self checkout

zeeday timmypuddin Self checkout

tumblr cashier self checkout

maskarie: officalsquidward cassieblack arineat sigmarikz certaflyably: thirstingaintdead Top 3 phrases that'll create sexual tension 1. "Make me", 2. "oh really", 3. "is that so" "prove it" "What's in it for me?" "Wanna bet?" "Scared, Potter?" "can you feel it mr krabs?" "Seduce me."

maskarie: officalsquidward cassieblack arineat sigmarikz certaflyably: thirstingaintdead Top 3 phrases that'll create sexual tension 1. "Make me", 2. "oh really", 3. "is that so" "prove it" "What's in it for me?" "Wanna bet?" "Scared, Potter?" "can you feel it mr krabs?" "Seduce me."

phrase tumblr pick-up lines