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Whom could forget that time in New Horizons when Isabelle said: "lol your sex life sucks neeeeeerd!"

tumblr 木 Isabelle Right now, Your Sex Life has a ★☆☆☆☆ 1 star rating. Steamy stories where YOU choose the ending There's always room for improvement, pardner. Practice sexting, dirty talk, and more with.... JUICEBOXIT.COM Play Game

tumblr 木 Isabelle Right now, Your Sex Life has a ★☆☆☆☆ 1 star rating. Steamy stories where YOU choose the ending There's always room for improvement, pardner. Practice sexting, dirty talk, and more with.... JUICEBOXIT.COM Play Game

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Little-Known Downsides to Immortality

prokopetz Little-known downsides of immortality: Tearing your favourite article of clothing and discovering that it's irreplaceable because the technique of its manufacture has been lost • Realising you've thought of the perfect comeback to someone who's been dead for three hundred years • Not being able to eat your favourite dish anymore because the source of some critical ingredient has gone extinct • Having strong opinions about sports that are no longer played • Getting a song from the 13th Century stuck in your head and being unable to get it out because you don't remember how it ends and you're the only person on Earth who knows it • Having that perfect pun you've been waiting forever for a chance to use stop working due to linguistic drift

prokopetz Little-known downsides of immortality: Tearing your favourite article of clothing and discovering that it's irreplaceable because the technique of its manufacture has been lost • Realising you've thought of the perfect comeback to someone who's been dead for three hundred years • Not being able to eat your favourite dish anymore because the source of some critical ingredient has gone extinct • Having strong opinions about sports that are no longer played • Getting a song from the 13th Century stuck in your head and being unable to get it out because you don't remember how it ends and you're the only person on Earth who knows it • Having that perfect pun you've been waiting forever for a chance to use stop working due to linguistic drift

immortality eternal life downsides user:prokopetz

Your username is now your superhero name. What are your powers?

zeekayart Follow Your tumblr username is now your superhero name, what are your powers? Zeekayarti tumblrcom death2america Follow theehorsepussie Follow apeshitting Follow puppymush Follow imlizy Follow im lizy

zeekayart Follow Your tumblr username is now your superhero name, what are your powers? Zeekayarti tumblrcom death2america Follow theehorsepussie Follow apeshitting Follow puppymush Follow imlizy Follow im lizy

username superhero name superpowers

Bees Go Bananas

draconym Thinking about that day another park ranger and I discovered that 1. we both used the same shampoo and 2. Suave Essentials Tropical Coconut drives honeybees absolutely bugfuck wild draconym 3. He's allergic to bees ablessingofbumbles It's likely the scent! Banana scent (Isoamyl acetate) is the same scent as the aggression pheromone bees put out when they're angry. Never eat bananas near bees! Always check your lotion, sunscreen, etc bottles for banana scent or isoamyl acetate before going near bees hoovse So you're telling me that when bees get mad they start violently smelling like bananas? ablessingofbumbles Can confirm! In (hopefully) very rare cases, a large hive full of p----- off bees smells a lot like bananas! Usually there's not nearly enough of them for humans to be able to smell it, though. arra-tech WHY? bunnyqueengrace #you could say- #you could say that they go bananas @cyber-flow thank you for the funniest tags l've seen all day. Source:draconym 65,109 notes

draconym Thinking about that day another park ranger and I discovered that 1. we both used the same shampoo and 2. Suave Essentials Tropical Coconut drives honeybees absolutely bugfuck wild draconym 3. He's allergic to bees ablessingofbumbles It's likely the scent! Banana scent (Isoamyl acetate) is the same scent as the aggression pheromone bees put out when they're angry. Never eat bananas near bees! Always check your lotion, sunscreen, etc bottles for banana scent or isoamyl acetate before going near bees hoovse So you're telling me that when bees get mad they start violently smelling like bananas? ablessingofbumbles Can confirm! In (hopefully) very rare cases, a large hive full of p----- off bees smells a lot like bananas! Usually there's not nearly enough of them for humans to be able to smell it, though. arra-tech WHY? bunnyqueengrace #you could say- #you could say that they go bananas @cyber-flow thank you for the funniest tags l've seen all day. Source:draconym 65,109 notes

bee bees banana bananas scent isoamyl acetate

Your Username is How You Will Get Laid

username laid waluigi

Tumblr: Asking the Important Questions

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RIP Brenda Tent

A bot wrote this obituary and I'm losing my mind Brenda Tent retired from living at the age of old, surrounded by family and natural causes. A librarian from birth, Brenda was an avid collector of dust. She had a sweet heart and married her high school. She loved having hobbies and helping her sons to be disadvantaged youths. She had no horses but thought she did. The church gave her a choir because she sang like bird and looked like bird and Brenda was a bird. She owed us so many poems. The funeral will be held in 1977 at heaven. In lieu of flowers, send Brenda more life. See you in 1977 randomslasher Follow It is literally impossible to pick a favorite line from this because the entire thing is gold. 21,992 notes

A bot wrote this obituary and I'm losing my mind Brenda Tent retired from living at the age of old, surrounded by family and natural causes. A librarian from birth, Brenda was an avid collector of dust. She had a sweet heart and married her high school. She loved having hobbies and helping her sons to be disadvantaged youths. She had no horses but thought she did. The church gave her a choir because she sang like bird and looked like bird and Brenda was a bird. She owed us so many poems. The funeral will be held in 1977 at heaven. In lieu of flowers, send Brenda more life. See you in 1977 randomslasher Follow It is literally impossible to pick a favorite line from this because the entire thing is gold. 21,992 notes

brenda tent obituary bot funeral

this went off the rail

A officiallyashley I'm bored so let's do something fun - You've been kidnapped. 10th recent in your camera roll is who or what saves you. Are you Killed or Saved? wut I got. Erza! Safe to say I'm gonna survive tagging: @ricochet-nuts, @faery-hunter, @sundove88, @thepsyichckistune, and anyone else who wishes to join! sundove88 8:17 INT JAM 2123 HP 2171 ATK 960 DEF COST Next Lv 15 Lv 1 /80 26 Leader Skill itives of Universe 7" Category Ki +2 and HP, ATK & DEF + Super ATK Lv Finishing Blow 1/10 or 1 turn and causes supreme damage to enemy I got Android 17! Safe to say I'm gonna be saved! Tagging: Anyone Who Wants to do this! thes-hitoverlord ORNIRIS.COM Eh.. I think we are ALL in BIG trouble REAL BIG trouble! ighting Park Ranger Android #17

A officiallyashley I'm bored so let's do something fun - You've been kidnapped. 10th recent in your camera roll is who or what saves you. Are you Killed or Saved? wut I got. Erza! Safe to say I'm gonna survive tagging: @ricochet-nuts, @faery-hunter, @sundove88, @thepsyichckistune, and anyone else who wishes to join! sundove88 8:17 INT JAM 2123 HP 2171 ATK 960 DEF COST Next Lv 15 Lv 1 /80 26 Leader Skill itives of Universe 7" Category Ki +2 and HP, ATK & DEF + Super ATK Lv Finishing Blow 1/10 or 1 turn and causes supreme damage to enemy I got Android 17! Safe to say I'm gonna be saved! Tagging: Anyone Who Wants to do this! thes-hitoverlord ORNIRIS.COM Eh.. I think we are ALL in BIG trouble REAL BIG trouble! ighting Park Ranger Android #17

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Knowyourmeme.org

devipotato Follow shoutout to my biology teacher in high school who did the usual speech about how unreliable the internet is as a source and said to “only trust .edu and .org websites because only certain organizations can get them" and when i told her i had a .org domain registered she stopped her lecture and looked at her assistant and said “she has a .org..." in the most devastated tone of voice i've ever heard, like i completely turned her world upside down 69,925 notes

devipotato Follow shoutout to my biology teacher in high school who did the usual speech about how unreliable the internet is as a source and said to “only trust .edu and .org websites because only certain organizations can get them" and when i told her i had a .org domain registered she stopped her lecture and looked at her assistant and said “she has a .org..." in the most devastated tone of voice i've ever heard, like i completely turned her world upside down 69,925 notes

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Accurate

Ruthe Phoenix @RuthePhoenix Took the batteries out of the carbon monoxide alarm because the loud beeping was giving me a headache and making me feel sick and dizzy. 1:55 AM 07 Dec 15 2,313 RETWEETS 3,701 LIKES mudfishscientist Thats it Thats what antivaxxers sound like

Ruthe Phoenix @RuthePhoenix Took the batteries out of the carbon monoxide alarm because the loud beeping was giving me a headache and making me feel sick and dizzy. 1:55 AM 07 Dec 15 2,313 RETWEETS 3,701 LIKES mudfishscientist Thats it Thats what antivaxxers sound like

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Almost There

Anonymous said Where do you see yourself in 5 years? two-thirtyy Follow Look buddy, i'm just trying to make it to Friday. STI LOUN taykoutmccleod Follow reblog if its friday and you made it 338,346 notes

Anonymous said Where do you see yourself in 5 years? two-thirtyy Follow Look buddy, i'm just trying to make it to Friday. STI LOUN taykoutmccleod Follow reblog if its friday and you made it 338,346 notes

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Boys Will Be Boys

doomsneigh broke: using 'boys will be boys’ to defend abusive and predatory behaviour woke: using 'boys will be boys' to describe boys and men doing jackass-style stuff for fun doomsneigh 'of course he's teasing her, boys will be boys!": bad, hate that 'we got bored so we decided to tie a roman candle to a drone and have it chase us': outstandingly good

doomsneigh broke: using 'boys will be boys’ to defend abusive and predatory behaviour woke: using 'boys will be boys' to describe boys and men doing jackass-style stuff for fun doomsneigh 'of course he's teasing her, boys will be boys!": bad, hate that 'we got bored so we decided to tie a roman candle to a drone and have it chase us': outstandingly good

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Stop Taking Horse Dewormer

death2america Follow Aug 30 · 7 days ago "You are not a horse," the FDA said Time travels to show this screenshot to someone 10 years ago and ask them to figure out what happened callmebliss-got-swamped Follow They wouldn't even have a "horse loose in a hospital" meme to reference Source: death2america 10,279 notes

death2america Follow Aug 30 · 7 days ago "You are not a horse," the FDA said Time travels to show this screenshot to someone 10 years ago and ask them to figure out what happened callmebliss-got-swamped Follow They wouldn't even have a "horse loose in a hospital" meme to reference Source: death2america 10,279 notes

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Driving Distance

plantanarchy Follow out of interest I just looked up transit directions in Google maps from my parents house to my house and it told me to drive 20 minutes to a park to ride bus station, wait 6 hours, get on several different busses, then get off and order a Lyft plantanarchy Follow This isn't a joke it literally told me to do that MORE BY BUS 12 > > * lyA 12 9 hr 51 min > 16 Leave by 10:47 PM · Light traffic Scheduled at 11:08 PM, 6:20 AM from Passavant Hospital + 4th Floor Entrance Bldg T plantanarchy Follow Same route but driving 20 min (9.5 mi) Fastest route now due to traffic conditions trainedchimpanzee Follow This is what American urban planning looks like 26,431 notes

plantanarchy Follow out of interest I just looked up transit directions in Google maps from my parents house to my house and it told me to drive 20 minutes to a park to ride bus station, wait 6 hours, get on several different busses, then get off and order a Lyft plantanarchy Follow This isn't a joke it literally told me to do that MORE BY BUS 12 > > * lyA 12 9 hr 51 min > 16 Leave by 10:47 PM · Light traffic Scheduled at 11:08 PM, 6:20 AM from Passavant Hospital + 4th Floor Entrance Bldg T plantanarchy Follow Same route but driving 20 min (9.5 mi) Fastest route now due to traffic conditions trainedchimpanzee Follow This is what American urban planning looks like 26,431 notes

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Run, Emily

yellowfoot-06 S zukoromantic Follow illegal-skeletons Follow Albright College Emily, you're on my list 1/30/15 > Hofstra University Emily, you have our attention 1/29/15 > I keep getting terrifying emails from colleges teashoesandhair Follow Emily, we're coming for you 238,309 notes

yellowfoot-06 S zukoromantic Follow illegal-skeletons Follow Albright College Emily, you're on my list 1/30/15 > Hofstra University Emily, you have our attention 1/29/15 > I keep getting terrifying emails from colleges teashoesandhair Follow Emily, we're coming for you 238,309 notes

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This Didn't Age Well

depsidase Follow When the horse sees you lurking around his medicine cabinet gunsandfireandshit Follow I feel like this was probably originally a ketamine joke but here we are...

depsidase Follow When the horse sees you lurking around his medicine cabinet gunsandfireandshit Follow I feel like this was probably originally a ketamine joke but here we are...

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A Fun Fact about Jack Black

a tilthat TIL that Jack black caused an earthquake In New Zealand while performing "tribute" because the crowd was bouncing so hard that it registered on the richter scale via reddit.com kristmaskiller Follow The power of Jack Black fuocogo Follow I can mentally see his face when he learns they did this 38,413 notes

a tilthat TIL that Jack black caused an earthquake In New Zealand while performing "tribute" because the crowd was bouncing so hard that it registered on the richter scale via reddit.com kristmaskiller Follow The power of Jack Black fuocogo Follow I can mentally see his face when he learns they did this 38,413 notes

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I'm Just Trying My Best Here

3 tehhufflepuffcompanion Spoiler alert: adulthood is 96% of you going "well, I hope this is how it works and l'll keep doing it till someone yells at me" bakasara Follow I like these posts because you read them as a teenager and you think, 'surely these people are blowing it out of proportion' AND THEN YOU REACH ADULTHOOD clementineofmine Follow And the other adults dont yell at you because they are all thinking, "well, she must know what shes doing cuz she keeps doing it" Source: tehbadgerinquisitor 405,566 notes 0 Ø Queue Post

3 tehhufflepuffcompanion Spoiler alert: adulthood is 96% of you going "well, I hope this is how it works and l'll keep doing it till someone yells at me" bakasara Follow I like these posts because you read them as a teenager and you think, 'surely these people are blowing it out of proportion' AND THEN YOU REACH ADULTHOOD clementineofmine Follow And the other adults dont yell at you because they are all thinking, "well, she must know what shes doing cuz she keeps doing it" Source: tehbadgerinquisitor 405,566 notes 0 Ø Queue Post

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Soup

sixpenceee Still fancy that cup of soup, now? keetongu yes because im fully aware that liquids start to solidify when you reduce their temperature you t ng buffoon stephenfryindrag I'm so confused as to what I'm supposed to find upsetting about this. Like I get it looks very industrial, but why is that bad? Did this person used to think that cans of soup were portals to artisan kitchens where teams of chefs hand prepares ya damn alphabet noodles? Is the fact that we live in a society which can deliver fully prepared, non-perishable meals in convenient containers for 99 cents at your local winn Dixie somehow insufficiently fantastic for you? Source: sixpenceee

sixpenceee Still fancy that cup of soup, now? keetongu yes because im fully aware that liquids start to solidify when you reduce their temperature you t ng buffoon stephenfryindrag I'm so confused as to what I'm supposed to find upsetting about this. Like I get it looks very industrial, but why is that bad? Did this person used to think that cans of soup were portals to artisan kitchens where teams of chefs hand prepares ya damn alphabet noodles? Is the fact that we live in a society which can deliver fully prepared, non-perishable meals in convenient containers for 99 cents at your local winn Dixie somehow insufficiently fantastic for you? Source: sixpenceee

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