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Batman

moxperidot self care is [incredibly unhealthy behaviour] and [implausible feat] internet-recluse Self care is blaming yourself for your parents death and taking on multiple opponents in unarmed combat whilst dressed as a bat.

moxperidot self care is [incredibly unhealthy behaviour] and [implausible feat] internet-recluse Self care is blaming yourself for your parents death and taking on multiple opponents in unarmed combat whilst dressed as a bat.

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Who Else Calls It Macaroni Sauce?

marzipanandminutiae scars in fiction: I got this trying to save my lover from an assassin- but tragically, I was too late. now I carry the mark of my failure with me always, and I can never forget~ scars in real life: so I was trying to open macaroni sauce with a paring knife 55,772 notes

marzipanandminutiae scars in fiction: I got this trying to save my lover from an assassin- but tragically, I was too late. now I carry the mark of my failure with me always, and I can never forget~ scars in real life: so I was trying to open macaroni sauce with a paring knife 55,772 notes

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You Know That Feeling?

shakespork i love it when youre drinking citrus drinks and you cant feel your tongue and your entire face starts sweating its so cleansing shakespork my doctor said im allergic to citrus

shakespork i love it when youre drinking citrus drinks and you cant feel your tongue and your entire face starts sweating its so cleansing shakespork my doctor said im allergic to citrus

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The Plot Thickens

BAD JOKES badjokesbyjeff BY JEFF The owner of a seafood restaurant sends one of his sons undercover to his rival's restaurant The owner tells him to get a job as a cook, and figure out the recipe for his rival's famous clam chowder. The first day, the son comes home with a basic list of ingredients that the rival uses. They try making it, but it doesn't turn out the same. The owner sends him back. The second day, the son comes home having watched the rival chef prepare the chowder. They try again to make it, and it's close, but the consistency is off, it's too watery. They try to figure out what they're doing wrong, and the son realizes that he was distracted for a minute while the chef did something. "He must have added a secret ingredient, one not on the list, while you looked away!" concludes the owner. He sends his son back for a third day, this time telling him not to take his eyes off the chef for a second. The son comes back the next day excited. "You'll never believe what I saw!" he says. "He did have a secret ingredient, it's a piece of paper!" "A piece of paper?" "Yeah, he keeps a stack of printed paper in the kitchen. It's a bunch of Wikipedia articles he's printed out, of various movies. When he makes the chowder, he tears out the synopsis of a movie from one of the articles and puts it in. It's the strangest thing, but that's the secret ingredient." "Ah," says the owner, "the plot thickens." meltingiguess goddammit jeff 2,429 notes ...

BAD JOKES badjokesbyjeff BY JEFF The owner of a seafood restaurant sends one of his sons undercover to his rival's restaurant The owner tells him to get a job as a cook, and figure out the recipe for his rival's famous clam chowder. The first day, the son comes home with a basic list of ingredients that the rival uses. They try making it, but it doesn't turn out the same. The owner sends him back. The second day, the son comes home having watched the rival chef prepare the chowder. They try again to make it, and it's close, but the consistency is off, it's too watery. They try to figure out what they're doing wrong, and the son realizes that he was distracted for a minute while the chef did something. "He must have added a secret ingredient, one not on the list, while you looked away!" concludes the owner. He sends his son back for a third day, this time telling him not to take his eyes off the chef for a second. The son comes back the next day excited. "You'll never believe what I saw!" he says. "He did have a secret ingredient, it's a piece of paper!" "A piece of paper?" "Yeah, he keeps a stack of printed paper in the kitchen. It's a bunch of Wikipedia articles he's printed out, of various movies. When he makes the chowder, he tears out the synopsis of a movie from one of the articles and puts it in. It's the strangest thing, but that's the secret ingredient." "Ah," says the owner, "the plot thickens." meltingiguess goddammit jeff 2,429 notes ...

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YA Love Triangles

phemiec Follow YA books: There are 2 boys, the protagonist girl HAS to date one, but how can she choose? They are so incredibly different in every way! The boys:

phemiec Follow YA books: There are 2 boys, the protagonist girl HAS to date one, but how can she choose? They are so incredibly different in every way! The boys:

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A Threat from Studio Ghibli

Arnar Heiðmar Follow @ArnarTheWriter Studio Ghibli once threatened a localization team by mailing them A KATANA because of how heavily edited Valley of the Wind was in the US. Dissatisted with Warmors of the Wind Myazaki adopted a stnct "no-edts" clause for further foreign releases of Studio Ghibis fims 7 heang nax co chairman Harvey Weinstein would atteme to ed Peincess Aononoke to make more marketable Toshio Suad sent an autherdc katana h a sime messa No c warnors of the Wnd also prompted Myazaki to allow transtator Toren Smh of Studio Proteus to create an oficiat, tatntul transtation of the Nauscas manga for Viz Meda 5:24 PM - 24 Jul 2017 mobpsycho100 Dissatisfied with Warriors of the Wind, Miyazaki adopted a strict "no-edits" clause for further foreign releases of Studio Ghibli's films. On hearing Miramax co-chairman Harvey Weinstein would attempt to edit Princess Mononoke to make it more marketable, Toshio Suzuki sent an authentic katana with a simple message: "No cuts". thatll-do I aspire to be this ride or die for my works

Arnar Heiðmar Follow @ArnarTheWriter Studio Ghibli once threatened a localization team by mailing them A KATANA because of how heavily edited Valley of the Wind was in the US. Dissatisted with Warmors of the Wind Myazaki adopted a stnct "no-edts" clause for further foreign releases of Studio Ghibis fims 7 heang nax co chairman Harvey Weinstein would atteme to ed Peincess Aononoke to make more marketable Toshio Suad sent an autherdc katana h a sime messa No c warnors of the Wnd also prompted Myazaki to allow transtator Toren Smh of Studio Proteus to create an oficiat, tatntul transtation of the Nauscas manga for Viz Meda 5:24 PM - 24 Jul 2017 mobpsycho100 Dissatisfied with Warriors of the Wind, Miyazaki adopted a strict "no-edits" clause for further foreign releases of Studio Ghibli's films. On hearing Miramax co-chairman Harvey Weinstein would attempt to edit Princess Mononoke to make it more marketable, Toshio Suzuki sent an authentic katana with a simple message: "No cuts". thatll-do I aspire to be this ride or die for my works

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Being Deaf Was Almost Worth It

thecheesyllama So in my 3D class there's another kid named Roy, which is my name. Also in 3D class, we aren't allowed to listen to music. Sol was talking to our professor and Roy walked by with earbuds in and the professor said "Roy, take those things out of your ears" and I took my hearing aids out of my ears and said "sorry". That is the greatest joke I have ever told and no one laughed and I honestly feel so under appreciated rn. Honestly that joke made being deaf completely worth it and I am an unappreciated comedic genius of my time. 2 thecheesyllama I'm beginning to wonder if people laughed but I just couldn't hear them Source: thecheesyllama 428,417 notes

thecheesyllama So in my 3D class there's another kid named Roy, which is my name. Also in 3D class, we aren't allowed to listen to music. Sol was talking to our professor and Roy walked by with earbuds in and the professor said "Roy, take those things out of your ears" and I took my hearing aids out of my ears and said "sorry". That is the greatest joke I have ever told and no one laughed and I honestly feel so under appreciated rn. Honestly that joke made being deaf completely worth it and I am an unappreciated comedic genius of my time. 2 thecheesyllama I'm beginning to wonder if people laughed but I just couldn't hear them Source: thecheesyllama 428,417 notes

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It Took Me a Minute

epilepticsaints Follow GARF+ALT+DEL BY T.A.B. "PIPE" kamenwriter Follow I feel like this joke is impossible to understand by anyone over the age of 40. 13,078 notes

epilepticsaints Follow GARF+ALT+DEL BY T.A.B. "PIPE" kamenwriter Follow I feel like this joke is impossible to understand by anyone over the age of 40. 13,078 notes

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Feed Me, Human

markv5 Так видит себя мой кот, когда я с утра не дал ему поесть dualityofsquid "this is how my cat sees himself in the morning before I give him food"

markv5 Так видит себя мой кот, когда я с утра не дал ему поесть dualityofsquid "this is how my cat sees himself in the morning before I give him food"

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Same Here

showerthoughtsofficial The reason I stay up late is because I don't want my free time to end and tomorrow to start sophialurvesnetflixandchill I feel so called out and yet so understood.

showerthoughtsofficial The reason I stay up late is because I don't want my free time to end and tomorrow to start sophialurvesnetflixandchill I feel so called out and yet so understood.

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Amazon

How's your Monday, unknown social media manager person? prime video i think im depressed Imao Hi! Vicky here, Managing Director of Socials for Amazon Prime Video. Apologies for the last message; that was an accident and will not be happening again. We are having a fabulous Monday and hope you are as well! prime video Message... roald-ragin they shot him right at his damn desk

How's your Monday, unknown social media manager person? prime video i think im depressed Imao Hi! Vicky here, Managing Director of Socials for Amazon Prime Video. Apologies for the last message; that was an accident and will not be happening again. We are having a fabulous Monday and hope you are as well! prime video Message... roald-ragin they shot him right at his damn desk

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Last

thejoanglebook Me as the sole survivor of the apocalypse, commenting "last" on every YouTube video. thepotatoes-havefallen One day you get an alert that someone liked your comment thejoanglebook It was me, on a separate account

thejoanglebook Me as the sole survivor of the apocalypse, commenting "last" on every YouTube video. thepotatoes-havefallen One day you get an alert that someone liked your comment thejoanglebook It was me, on a separate account

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When The Poem Is Due in Ten Minutes And You've Written Nothing

lieutenantsham S metuospero Follow dajo42 Follow i see trees of green green trees there too i see the trees and they are green and i think to myself i am lost in these woods 5,835 notes

lieutenantsham S metuospero Follow dajo42 Follow i see trees of green green trees there too i see the trees and they are green and i think to myself i am lost in these woods 5,835 notes

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Mood

GOURMET SPOON REST gaygayforgogo My mom has these winnie the pooh salt and pepper shakers on the stove but christopher robin fell over and it looks like he's having a breakdown while pooh dissociates Source: gaygayforgogo 64,157 notes ...

GOURMET SPOON REST gaygayforgogo My mom has these winnie the pooh salt and pepper shakers on the stove but christopher robin fell over and it looks like he's having a breakdown while pooh dissociates Source: gaygayforgogo 64,157 notes ...

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Oddly Wholesome

lizzingwithkriz Pregnant Ghost Bat having an ultrasound at Featherdale Wildlife Park theworldisanapple-youareaseed congrats it's a bat toothpast [delighted bat noises]

lizzingwithkriz Pregnant Ghost Bat having an ultrasound at Featherdale Wildlife Park theworldisanapple-youareaseed congrats it's a bat toothpast [delighted bat noises]

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Jesus Frog

A should-be-sleeping Seguir In fifth grade a boy tried to impress me by swallowing a whole tadpole live and I punched him so hard that he puked and the tadpole was fine. should-be-sleeping Seguir Truly was not expecting to read anything like that today tarynnasaurus I kept it in a terrarium and it became a normal & despite everything. About a year afterward (I thought) it died, so I sadly put it in a shoebox in the shed until the ground thawed enough for a proper funeral but when that day came I opened the box and the frog was fine. justprettygay Seguir a should-be-sleeping Seguir This is funnier than anything I have ever said. 123.734 notas

A should-be-sleeping Seguir In fifth grade a boy tried to impress me by swallowing a whole tadpole live and I punched him so hard that he puked and the tadpole was fine. should-be-sleeping Seguir Truly was not expecting to read anything like that today tarynnasaurus I kept it in a terrarium and it became a normal & despite everything. About a year afterward (I thought) it died, so I sadly put it in a shoebox in the shed until the ground thawed enough for a proper funeral but when that day came I opened the box and the frog was fine. justprettygay Seguir a should-be-sleeping Seguir This is funnier than anything I have ever said. 123.734 notas

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Where Do I Apply?

A foulserpent i think my ideal job is being paid 50$/hour to sit on the computer doing whatever i want at an empty rented office space for mysterious employers definitely running some kind of money laundering scheme and just needing me to keep up appearances of one of their shell companies but im not like, in on anything and no one can charge me for anything tiger-in-the-flightdeck I'd be the perfect front for your shady company. I always look baffled, I'll never be able to pick you out of a line up, and odds are good l'll forget your name ten minutes after you tell it to me. 30,061 notes A

A foulserpent i think my ideal job is being paid 50$/hour to sit on the computer doing whatever i want at an empty rented office space for mysterious employers definitely running some kind of money laundering scheme and just needing me to keep up appearances of one of their shell companies but im not like, in on anything and no one can charge me for anything tiger-in-the-flightdeck I'd be the perfect front for your shady company. I always look baffled, I'll never be able to pick you out of a line up, and odds are good l'll forget your name ten minutes after you tell it to me. 30,061 notes A

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Beauty and the Beast Economics

O sonseulsoleil It's almost 1 AM but in the song Belle from Beauty and the Beast the villagers sing "I need six eggs" “that's too expensive!" and then later in the song Gaston, Gaston says "when I was a lad I ate four dozen eggs every morning to help me get large, now that l'm grown I eat five dozen eggs so l'm roughly as large as a barge" Gaston has been eating dozens of eggs every day for his entire life and is single handedly creating an artificial egg scarcity in the village and driving up egg prices. this economy is in shambles. 9,160 notes > D

O sonseulsoleil It's almost 1 AM but in the song Belle from Beauty and the Beast the villagers sing "I need six eggs" “that's too expensive!" and then later in the song Gaston, Gaston says "when I was a lad I ate four dozen eggs every morning to help me get large, now that l'm grown I eat five dozen eggs so l'm roughly as large as a barge" Gaston has been eating dozens of eggs every day for his entire life and is single handedly creating an artificial egg scarcity in the village and driving up egg prices. this economy is in shambles. 9,160 notes > D

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You Better Be Looking

delebird IN CASE OF IMPLOSION LOOK DIRECTLY AT IMPLOSION cptdave Valve actually put that sign in game because playtesters would destroy the generator and then turn around immediately and not see the implosion animation they'd worked so hard on.

delebird IN CASE OF IMPLOSION LOOK DIRECTLY AT IMPLOSION cptdave Valve actually put that sign in game because playtesters would destroy the generator and then turn around immediately and not see the implosion animation they'd worked so hard on.

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A Tragedy in Three Parts

thebibliosphere "I put my phone down and can't find it", a saga. thebibliosphere "Want me to call it?" "It's on silent." A tragedy in three parts. miraniel "I'll call it anyway." *everyone stands around really quietly listening for a faint buzzing noise* A comedy.

thebibliosphere "I put my phone down and can't find it", a saga. thebibliosphere "Want me to call it?" "It's on silent." A tragedy in three parts. miraniel "I'll call it anyway." *everyone stands around really quietly listening for a faint buzzing noise* A comedy.

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