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The 1904 Olympic Marathon

weaver-z Follow If you ever, and I mean EVER think that you f----- something up royally, remember that the organizers of the 1904 Olympic marathon: - Had zero stations for water on the 26 mile (42 km) course - Accidentally gave North American competitor Tom Hicks a cocktail made of egg whites, brandy, and actual f------ rat poison - Had a guy come into the race late wearing a beret and cutoff slacks, sneak into an apple orchard during the race because no food had been given to him for 40 hours, eat rotten apples, projectile vomit onto the track, fall asleep for hours, and finish in fourth place OVERALL because most of the other runners collapsed of exhaustion or injuries - Conducted the race on a dusty road, which caused so much dust to be kicked into the air that an American runner somehow inhaled enough to tear his STOMACH LINING open - Accidentally released feral dogs onto the track - F----- the other competitors up SO BADLY that Tom Hicks-the guy who ate RAT POISON and was HALLUCINATING the entire run-came in first place postmarxed Follow #me at work on wednesdays specifically

weaver-z Follow If you ever, and I mean EVER think that you f----- something up royally, remember that the organizers of the 1904 Olympic marathon: - Had zero stations for water on the 26 mile (42 km) course - Accidentally gave North American competitor Tom Hicks a cocktail made of egg whites, brandy, and actual f------ rat poison - Had a guy come into the race late wearing a beret and cutoff slacks, sneak into an apple orchard during the race because no food had been given to him for 40 hours, eat rotten apples, projectile vomit onto the track, fall asleep for hours, and finish in fourth place OVERALL because most of the other runners collapsed of exhaustion or injuries - Conducted the race on a dusty road, which caused so much dust to be kicked into the air that an American runner somehow inhaled enough to tear his STOMACH LINING open - Accidentally released feral dogs onto the track - F----- the other competitors up SO BADLY that Tom Hicks-the guy who ate RAT POISON and was HALLUCINATING the entire run-came in first place postmarxed Follow #me at work on wednesdays specifically

Good Job

This guy in my political science class was watching a Bob Ross video and following along in MS Paint freshfresh666 ok honestly... this is cute akoolguy he's doing a good job

This guy in my political science class was watching a Bob Ross video and following along in MS Paint freshfresh666 ok honestly... this is cute akoolguy he's doing a good job

Furniture

O catchymemes Got a live feed camera so I could see what my dogs are up to while I'm at work 2019/03/11 10:01:20 injuries-in-dust I'm gonna guess that they aren't normally allowed to sit on the furniture.

O catchymemes Got a live feed camera so I could see what my dogs are up to while I'm at work 2019/03/11 10:01:20 injuries-in-dust I'm gonna guess that they aren't normally allowed to sit on the furniture.

An Insult

Christian 10 mins t The guy who scored for Algeria is called Isiam Slimani. I don't understand why parents have to push their religion onto their children like that! Like Comment Share O Lucy and Hanna like this. Paul 6 mins Like Christian 5 mins Like |Paul instructions on the heel |Yeah-You're absolutly right CHRISTIAN Why did you capitalize my name like that? OMG-You'd struggle to pour water out of a boot with the Just now Like burdenedwithgloriousassbutt: sassy-gay-justice: "You'd struggle to pour water out of a boot with the instructions on the heel" God DAMN thats some Shakespearean s--- right there your url makes this even more beautiful

Christian 10 mins t The guy who scored for Algeria is called Isiam Slimani. I don't understand why parents have to push their religion onto their children like that! Like Comment Share O Lucy and Hanna like this. Paul 6 mins Like Christian 5 mins Like |Paul instructions on the heel |Yeah-You're absolutly right CHRISTIAN Why did you capitalize my name like that? OMG-You'd struggle to pour water out of a boot with the Just now Like burdenedwithgloriousassbutt: sassy-gay-justice: "You'd struggle to pour water out of a boot with the instructions on the heel" God DAMN thats some Shakespearean s--- right there your url makes this even more beautiful

Rewards

ravenslunas i hate how reward systems never work for me like i can't just say "if i finish this assignment i can have a cookie" bc my brain is like ".or u could just have one right now" and i can't argue with that logic truestoriesaboutme Self-imposed deadlines don't work either because I know the guy who set them and he's full of s---

ravenslunas i hate how reward systems never work for me like i can't just say "if i finish this assignment i can have a cookie" bc my brain is like ".or u could just have one right now" and i can't argue with that logic truestoriesaboutme Self-imposed deadlines don't work either because I know the guy who set them and he's full of s---

Crikey

REI tilthat Follow TIL In a similar way to "shoot" and "darn" being inoffensive substitutes for harsh swear words, the Australian exclamation "Crikey," made world famous by Steve Irwin, is shorthand for "Christ kill me" via reddit.com canadiangold Follow related: blimey - shortened from cor blimey - is shorthand for "Lord blind me" headspace-hotel Follow Steve Irwin was asking to be killed by god

REI tilthat Follow TIL In a similar way to "shoot" and "darn" being inoffensive substitutes for harsh swear words, the Australian exclamation "Crikey," made world famous by Steve Irwin, is shorthand for "Christ kill me" via reddit.com canadiangold Follow related: blimey - shortened from cor blimey - is shorthand for "Lord blind me" headspace-hotel Follow Steve Irwin was asking to be killed by god

The More You Know

vampireapologist Just found out moose can dive as deep as 20 feet (6m) for aquatic vegetation. Can you imagine like, being a diver, and you're 20 feet underwater, it's murky, and you run into a moose A MOOSE!!!! gallusrostromegalus This is, by the way, one of the reasons that a regular predator of the moose is the orca whale.

vampireapologist Just found out moose can dive as deep as 20 feet (6m) for aquatic vegetation. Can you imagine like, being a diver, and you're 20 feet underwater, it's murky, and you run into a moose A MOOSE!!!! gallusrostromegalus This is, by the way, one of the reasons that a regular predator of the moose is the orca whale.

A Classic

traceexcalibur apparently, evangelical cartoonist Jack Chick passed away last night let us remember him by taking a moment to laugh once again at this classic There is no God! True. It's up to you, Tyler. Evolution does away with morals! Right, Mama? Wow, Anything goes! I can lie, cheat. So, how do I know what's right or what's wrong? What's to keep me from becoming a god?

traceexcalibur apparently, evangelical cartoonist Jack Chick passed away last night let us remember him by taking a moment to laugh once again at this classic There is no God! True. It's up to you, Tyler. Evolution does away with morals! Right, Mama? Wow, Anything goes! I can lie, cheat. So, how do I know what's right or what's wrong? What's to keep me from becoming a god?

comics jack chick obituary evangelism atheism morality theory of evolution strawman argument cartoonist

Pokemon

karlos86: You seem... to have.... a pokémon... a thebestoftumbling Source: f---

karlos86: You seem... to have.... a pokémon... a thebestoftumbling Source: f---

Miss Piggy

zethey Follow my mom keeps sending me this same picture of miss piggy behind bars every day of the quarantine strwbrryleaf Follow got vaccinated yesterday Source: zethey 124,113 notes

zethey Follow my mom keeps sending me this same picture of miss piggy behind bars every day of the quarantine strwbrryleaf Follow got vaccinated yesterday Source: zethey 124,113 notes

tumblr memes muppets miss piggy jail

Where's the Plot?

seal-of-unknown Obserwuj me, begging, tears in my eyes: please. please just tell me what the book is about. the plot. please a book annotation on the cover, unfazed: A Subversive Masterpiece. A Deep And Touching Story. The New York Times Bestseller. Go F--- Yourself

seal-of-unknown Obserwuj me, begging, tears in my eyes: please. please just tell me what the book is about. the plot. please a book annotation on the cover, unfazed: A Subversive Masterpiece. A Deep And Touching Story. The New York Times Bestseller. Go F--- Yourself

Generosity

c-- man @o if i had a girlfriend i would let her take as many sips as she wanted from my Taco Bell baja blast soda even though I would really prefer to drink it all myself burnpygmalion why would you censor the ops name cummed women would flock to him otherwise

c-- man @o if i had a girlfriend i would let her take as many sips as she wanted from my Taco Bell baja blast soda even though I would really prefer to drink it all myself burnpygmalion why would you censor the ops name cummed women would flock to him otherwise

Philosophy

themanslayer Follow pj evans @pjayevans Cars have windows and can move. Houses have windows and can't move. So It's not the windows that make the car go, It's something else entirely 21:30 · 09 Mar 21 Twitter for iPhone gelledegg Follow this is what ancient greek philosophy is like ...

themanslayer Follow pj evans @pjayevans Cars have windows and can move. Houses have windows and can't move. So It's not the windows that make the car go, It's something else entirely 21:30 · 09 Mar 21 Twitter for iPhone gelledegg Follow this is what ancient greek philosophy is like ...

Terms and Conditions

haithinkimfunny: queenestelle: gothist: GET IGNORED SO MUCH BITCHES CALL ME TERMS AND CONDITIONS at least you get accepted no matter what that's the most uplifting thing i've seen all day

haithinkimfunny: queenestelle: gothist: GET IGNORED SO MUCH BITCHES CALL ME TERMS AND CONDITIONS at least you get accepted no matter what that's the most uplifting thing i've seen all day

Yarn

slythwolf: psyducked: cloaked in the fur of their slaughtered brethren u have a fundamental misunderstanding of how yarn is made

slythwolf: psyducked: cloaked in the fur of their slaughtered brethren u have a fundamental misunderstanding of how yarn is made

Enrichment

whitegirlblog Do you ever cycle through the same 4 apps on your phone over and over again and feel like a tiger pacing its cage at the zoo teratomarty If you're doing this, it is because you, like the tiger, need enrichment and variety in your life. May I suggest cramming just a whole bunch of raw hamburger into a pumpkin and rolling it around your enclosure? memewhore *pupils dilate*

whitegirlblog Do you ever cycle through the same 4 apps on your phone over and over again and feel like a tiger pacing its cage at the zoo teratomarty If you're doing this, it is because you, like the tiger, need enrichment and variety in your life. May I suggest cramming just a whole bunch of raw hamburger into a pumpkin and rolling it around your enclosure? memewhore *pupils dilate*

News

dotofficial Follow Who would win? A massive global economy, covering the entire planet with billions and billions of participants sideways boat .90% 0.00% -2.44 1.63% 231 Al5 430 675 -0.60% 29%0 60% +0.29% .33 +0 29%, 205 400 3509 4947 123 27 40 04217 V 4241 121 1 324 114 r 122 310 7107 020 439 400 EVERGREEN 042 1 2175 14 1 ap 2 778 4 04 S 1361 1627 1816 1 1 0 D 1014 2 11 004 o 210 1351 47 204 2 D41 14.53 100 00 G44 013 1105 245 9 thiswebsitenamesareweird Follow I think tumblr qualifies as a very s----- news site by this point

dotofficial Follow Who would win? A massive global economy, covering the entire planet with billions and billions of participants sideways boat .90% 0.00% -2.44 1.63% 231 Al5 430 675 -0.60% 29%0 60% +0.29% .33 +0 29%, 205 400 3509 4947 123 27 40 04217 V 4241 121 1 324 114 r 122 310 7107 020 439 400 EVERGREEN 042 1 2175 14 1 ap 2 778 4 04 S 1361 1627 1816 1 1 0 D 1014 2 11 004 o 210 1351 47 204 2 D41 14.53 100 00 G44 013 1105 245 9 thiswebsitenamesareweird Follow I think tumblr qualifies as a very s----- news site by this point

CLAY!

crabmandible Follow I wonder if my ancestors are smilling apon me sometimes weepingbird you: making aalittle thing with clay the ghosts of Australopithecus: yes yes yes yes carnival-phantasm Follow Mesopotamian souls, going a------ and cheering in the netherworld: CLAY! CLAY! CLAY! CLAY! CLAY!

crabmandible Follow I wonder if my ancestors are smilling apon me sometimes weepingbird you: making aalittle thing with clay the ghosts of Australopithecus: yes yes yes yes carnival-phantasm Follow Mesopotamian souls, going a------ and cheering in the netherworld: CLAY! CLAY! CLAY! CLAY! CLAY!

Those Disney Writers Have Explaining to Do

write-on-world Dangerous Woman ® @dangerouswco Whatever you think you can't do, just know that there is someone who is confidently doing it wrong right now. They have no plans at doing it better either and people are paying them to do it. Please believe in your own excellence as much as they believe in their mediocrity. 6:03 AM 11 Nov 20 · Twitter Web App Well put. (Source: Writing About Writing Facebook page) 12b6 as a lawyer who's been practicing for six years now I can say with certainty that this 100% applies to lawyers johanna-swann Me: My writing is so bad. :( Meanwhile at Disney: Somehow, Palpatine has returned. Source:write-on-world 70,310 notes 11

write-on-world Dangerous Woman ® @dangerouswco Whatever you think you can't do, just know that there is someone who is confidently doing it wrong right now. They have no plans at doing it better either and people are paying them to do it. Please believe in your own excellence as much as they believe in their mediocrity. 6:03 AM 11 Nov 20 · Twitter Web App Well put. (Source: Writing About Writing Facebook page) 12b6 as a lawyer who's been practicing for six years now I can say with certainty that this 100% applies to lawyers johanna-swann Me: My writing is so bad. :( Meanwhile at Disney: Somehow, Palpatine has returned. Source:write-on-world 70,310 notes 11

somehow palpatine has returned star wars mediocrity talent motivational speech twitter

Prosthetic Arm

Buzi, will you get up here and give me a hand?! e-zekiel: cute story: I have a friend with a prosthetic arm, and he once confided in me that, after seeing this movie, he's always wanted someone to ask him for this. Then, the one day. I was at the grocery store with him and a couple other people, and one of our friends couldn't reach a box on the shelf and asked him, "Dude gimme a hand here". And, I swear to christ he practiced this because the speed at which he slipped off his prosthesis was blinding, and then he hurled his arm at her. He. unfortunately, got a tad overexcited, and instead of it just landing near her, it spun out and essentially bitchslapped her in mid-air. Now we say it all the time around him, and he blames Disney for the fact that he has no girfriend.

Buzi, will you get up here and give me a hand?! e-zekiel: cute story: I have a friend with a prosthetic arm, and he once confided in me that, after seeing this movie, he's always wanted someone to ask him for this. Then, the one day. I was at the grocery store with him and a couple other people, and one of our friends couldn't reach a box on the shelf and asked him, "Dude gimme a hand here". And, I swear to christ he practiced this because the speed at which he slipped off his prosthesis was blinding, and then he hurled his arm at her. He. unfortunately, got a tad overexcited, and instead of it just landing near her, it spun out and essentially bitchslapped her in mid-air. Now we say it all the time around him, and he blames Disney for the fact that he has no girfriend.

tumblr memes toy story woody