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Who does?

Luc @ellkay_ Saw is unrealistic no-one has that much will to live 5:03 PM - 2021-05-18 Twitter for iPhone 5,798 Retweets 470 Quote Tweets 37.9K Likes
Luc @ellkay_ Saw is unrealistic no-one has that much will to live 5:03 PM - 2021-05-18 Twitter for iPhone 5,798 Retweets 470 Quote Tweets 37.9K Likes

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Sigh...

RAMZ @ramonerochester Get rid of people that say "Do you know how many things I have done for you" ok @JamzLdnKmt I can't get rid of my mum bro
RAMZ @ramonerochester Get rid of people that say "Do you know how many things I have done for you" ok @JamzLdnKmt I can't get rid of my mum bro

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Pants?!

Mike Mitchell @MikeMitchNH If you want to know how the week is going, I just took a pillowcase out of the dryer, put it over my head thinking it was a t-shirt to wear to bed, spent 15 seconds inside it searching for the neckhole, and then mumbled "what is this, pants?".
Mike Mitchell @MikeMitchNH If you want to know how the week is going, I just took a pillowcase out of the dryer, put it over my head thinking it was a t-shirt to wear to bed, spent 15 seconds inside it searching for the neckhole, and then mumbled "what is this, pants?".

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Has to be done

lemonlime @emmeline77 my dad just greeted another dad by saying "hey tough guy" and the other dad replied by saying "they let you in here??" lemonlime @emmeline77.1d He has greeted a total of 3 men with "hey tough guy" so far <
lemonlime @emmeline77 my dad just greeted another dad by saying "hey tough guy" and the other dad replied by saying "they let you in here??" lemonlime @emmeline77.1d He has greeted a total of 3 men with "hey tough guy" so far <

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So embarrassing

cass @cassthevirgin chasing after a ping pong ball is wildly dehumanizing 3:48 PM 2020-11-22 Twitter for iPhone 141K Retweets 7,831 Quotes Likes @asparagusmousse
cass @cassthevirgin chasing after a ping pong ball is wildly dehumanizing 3:48 PM 2020-11-22 Twitter for iPhone 141K Retweets 7,831 Quotes Likes @asparagusmousse

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What's the stick for?

I just visited a physics PhD student at Harvard University. One of the smartest people in the world. Here's their bedroom:
I just visited a physics PhD student at Harvard University. One of the smartest people in the world. Here's their bedroom:

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Just chill, man

sergio tahini @_sergiotahini new york office: hey man have you seen my email it's kind of urgent i need this back by tomorrow morning european office at 4pm:
sergio tahini @_sergiotahini new york office: hey man have you seen my email it's kind of urgent i need this back by tomorrow morning european office at 4pm:

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Thanks, dad

lena @notlena my dad thinks i have a secret boyfriend and said word-for-word to me "youve been consistently single for a suspicious amount of time"... no dad boys just dont like me thanks for REMINDING ME on this nice saturday night
lena @notlena my dad thinks i have a secret boyfriend and said word-for-word to me "youve been consistently single for a suspicious amount of time"... no dad boys just dont like me thanks for REMINDING ME on this nice saturday night

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We're getting scammed

bel @beldrury Air bnb should provide breakfast that's the second b 3:49 AM · Jul 18, 2024 702.2K Views • • 133 1.8K 40K 328 80
bel @beldrury Air bnb should provide breakfast that's the second b 3:49 AM · Jul 18, 2024 702.2K Views • • 133 1.8K 40K 328 80

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Migraines...

Roxi Horror @roxiqt I went to the ER for a migraine once. The nurse asked what I took for it. I said "a liter of chocolate milk." She paused & said "Odd.. but only something a migraine sufferer would try" as if I correctly answered her riddle & she was granting me passage to the land of pain relief.
Roxi Horror @roxiqt I went to the ER for a migraine once. The nurse asked what I took for it. I said "a liter of chocolate milk." She paused & said "Odd.. but only something a migraine sufferer would try" as if I correctly answered her riddle & she was granting me passage to the land of pain relief.

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Who's next?!

At my funeral, take the bouquet off my coffin and throw it into the crowd to see who is next.
At my funeral, take the bouquet off my coffin and throw it into the crowd to see who is next.

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Cavemen

blue✔ @bluewmist Why do men love putting their bed in the corner of the bedroom? Kurz @Kurz_Prime Maximize floor space and sleeping next to a wall reminds us of a cave.
blue✔ @bluewmist Why do men love putting their bed in the corner of the bedroom? Kurz @Kurz_Prime Maximize floor space and sleeping next to a wall reminds us of a cave.

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Ouch

They took this away from us and gave us dating apps instead. I will bring back galas. Poe's Law, Esq: Poe's Lawyer @dyingscribe These still exist. You're just not invited to them, like how you wouldn't have been back then
They took this away from us and gave us dating apps instead. I will bring back galas. Poe's Law, Esq: Poe's Lawyer @dyingscribe These still exist. You're just not invited to them, like how you wouldn't have been back then

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Nice one

Iva Lon I'm just remembering that my second year in America, someone asked me to "validate their parking," which was my first time hearing the phrase, and after blinking stupidly in silence for a full five seconds I said "Well parking is really hard but I'm sure you did it really well"
Iva Lon I'm just remembering that my second year in America, someone asked me to "validate their parking," which was my first time hearing the phrase, and after blinking stupidly in silence for a full five seconds I said "Well parking is really hard but I'm sure you did it really well"

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That's one way to do it

Will Manidis @WillManidis Follow X discovered a buddy from college gaslit himself into loving running by applying a nicotine patch everytime he ran, and only when he ran on his fifth marathon • • 7:36 pm 26 Nov 2023 7.6M Views
Will Manidis @WillManidis Follow X discovered a buddy from college gaslit himself into loving running by applying a nicotine patch everytime he ran, and only when he ran on his fifth marathon • • 7:36 pm 26 Nov 2023 7.6M Views

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Who cares?

shanyar+ @salmanshanyar If your parent approve of your marriage but your grandparents and uncles didn't, would you still get married? Rydz @KingRydz Might as well ask the postman too if I'm taking everyone's opinion
shanyar+ @salmanshanyar If your parent approve of your marriage but your grandparents and uncles didn't, would you still get married? Rydz @KingRydz Might as well ask the postman too if I'm taking everyone's opinion

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