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sounds like a good time to me

Alyssa Limperis @alyssalimp me: i don't wanna have kids yet because i wanna stay WILD and FREE me at 7pm every night: if i start an episode of great british bake off now, i can be asleep by 8

Alyssa Limperis @alyssalimp me: i don't wanna have kids yet because i wanna stay WILD and FREE me at 7pm every night: if i start an episode of great british bake off now, i can be asleep by 8

the great british bakeoff childfree

Sometimes it's okay to kink shame

cheetgood snack @tamryncheetah blacksmith: i'm almost done with this sword i just have to work out the kinks sword: i like feet blacksmith: shut up 12/10/17, 2:12 PM 7,945 Retweets 17.6K Likes runcibility Friendly Skeleton Follow @skeletonspooky1 Replying to @tamryncheetah Blacksmith: *hammers the sword on an anvil* Sword: Harder- Blacksmith: *defeated sigh* 7:35 AM - 11 Dec 2017 57 Retweets 120 Likes Source: little-kittykitty 28,075 notes A

cheetgood snack @tamryncheetah blacksmith: i'm almost done with this sword i just have to work out the kinks sword: i like feet blacksmith: shut up 12/10/17, 2:12 PM 7,945 Retweets 17.6K Likes runcibility Friendly Skeleton Follow @skeletonspooky1 Replying to @tamryncheetah Blacksmith: *hammers the sword on an anvil* Sword: Harder- Blacksmith: *defeated sigh* 7:35 AM - 11 Dec 2017 57 Retweets 120 Likes Source: little-kittykitty 28,075 notes A

puns blacksmith sword kink

Oh no

@coolauntV me: *kicking stirrups* go on now git gynecologist: stop that

@coolauntV me: *kicking stirrups* go on now git gynecologist: stop that

gynecologist stirrups

don't play with my emotions like that

Tweet Alanna Okun @alanna thought this was a salmon printer :< Kinja Deals O @KinjaDeals This discounted Foodsaver vacuum sealer will pay for itself. trib.al/YNGAYRD foodsever GFoodSave

Tweet Alanna Okun @alanna thought this was a salmon printer :< Kinja Deals O @KinjaDeals This discounted Foodsaver vacuum sealer will pay for itself. trib.al/YNGAYRD foodsever GFoodSave

salmon printer food seal vacuum

it's no longer being built

jomund @JoeyOrigami Follow *hits blunt* "Yoo0o son, why is it called a "building" when it's already built?" pic.twitter.com/6hp6p8tZmA 6 Reply 13 Retweet * Favorite Pocket ... More RETWEETS FAVORITES 2,683 1,857

jomund @JoeyOrigami Follow *hits blunt* "Yoo0o son, why is it called a "building" when it's already built?" pic.twitter.com/6hp6p8tZmA 6 Reply 13 Retweet * Favorite Pocket ... More RETWEETS FAVORITES 2,683 1,857

building built blunt

(𝘩𝘢𝘤𝘬𝘦𝘳 𝘷𝘰𝘪𝘤𝘦) I’m in

Thinkwert ... @Thinkwert (hacker voice) I'm in 394 1 2 4 5 6 7 8 6. *0 # ROSSLAE 8:31 PM · May 16, 2021 - Twitter for iPhone

Thinkwert ... @Thinkwert (hacker voice) I'm in 394 1 2 4 5 6 7 8 6. *0 # ROSSLAE 8:31 PM · May 16, 2021 - Twitter for iPhone

Try sitting next to a Siobhan

Matty @bestestname As a kid, they teach you phonics, but then make you sit next to a kid named Sean. 4:39 PM · 4/27/21 · Twitter for iPhone

Matty @bestestname As a kid, they teach you phonics, but then make you sit next to a kid named Sean. 4:39 PM · 4/27/21 · Twitter for iPhone

sean pronunciation phonics

Oh David

Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes Doctor: Relax, David. It's just a small surgery, don't panic. Me: But my name isn't David. Doctor: I know. I'm David.

Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes Doctor: Relax, David. It's just a small surgery, don't panic. Me: But my name isn't David. Doctor: I know. I'm David.

doctor surgery joke dad jokes surgeon stress

this bed is in 4 different area codes

Double King Bed Too much or nah? Dugo @EIVerdugo5 Imagine putting on the bed sheets and the corner on the opposite end comes off?!!! Gotta Uber to the other side

Double King Bed Too much or nah? Dugo @EIVerdugo5 Imagine putting on the bed sheets and the corner on the opposite end comes off?!!! Gotta Uber to the other side

funny tweet bed huge giant uber

Seize the nap

Henpecked Hal @HenpeckedHal If by "never give up on your dreams" you mean seize every opportunity to take naps throughout the day, then yeah, sure. 1:42 PM · 1/2/20 · Twitter Web App

Henpecked Hal @HenpeckedHal If by "never give up on your dreams" you mean seize every opportunity to take naps throughout the day, then yeah, sure. 1:42 PM · 1/2/20 · Twitter Web App

funny tweet nap lazy

This person wrote for CNN & MSN

Adeel Raja O The world today needs a Hitler 9:45 AM · 5/16/21 · Twitter for iPhone 124 Retweets 849 Quote Tweets 543 Likes This Tweet has been deleted.

Adeel Raja O The world today needs a Hitler 9:45 AM · 5/16/21 · Twitter for iPhone 124 Retweets 849 Quote Tweets 543 Likes This Tweet has been deleted.

adeel raja twitter hitler lilithlovett blue check

As an American journalist...

Michelle Kosinski ... @MichLKosinski As an American journalist, you never expect: 1. Your own govt to lie to you, repeatedly 2. Your own govt to hide information the public has a right to know 3. Your own govt to spy on your communications Trump's unAmerican regime did all of these. No one should accept this. 10:25 AM - May 8, 2021 - Twitter Web App 1,511 Retweets 6,961 Quote Tweets 5,869 Likes

Michelle Kosinski ... @MichLKosinski As an American journalist, you never expect: 1. Your own govt to lie to you, repeatedly 2. Your own govt to hide information the public has a right to know 3. Your own govt to spy on your communications Trump's unAmerican regime did all of these. No one should accept this. 10:25 AM - May 8, 2021 - Twitter Web App 1,511 Retweets 6,961 Quote Tweets 5,869 Likes

michelle kosinski donald trump u.s. government michlkosinski

Young Law School Debt

Matt @mattwhitlockPM your rap name is "young" + something you always carry with you, no matter where you go B.J. Sutton @PrettyBadLefty Young Law School Debt

Matt @mattwhitlockPM your rap name is "young" + something you always carry with you, no matter where you go B.J. Sutton @PrettyBadLefty Young Law School Debt

rap name young law school debt

He's Green

Dj.Blackhammer #owthedge @djblackhammer ... He's green · May 15 beast boy is black, you cant change my mind 5:40 PM · May 16, 2021 · Twitter for Android

Dj.Blackhammer #owthedge @djblackhammer ... He's green · May 15 beast boy is black, you cant change my mind 5:40 PM · May 16, 2021 · Twitter for Android

djblackhammer beast boy teen titans mediablaster00

"I have questions"

Actually_IT_IS_MONSTER_HUNTING_SEASON_Tina @Actually_Tina ... I have questions They look Republican O DiscussingFilm @DiscussingFilm · 1d Zachary Quinto and Billy Porter have been cast in 'THE PROUD FAMILY: LOUDER AND PROUDER' for Disney+ They will play mixed-race adoptive parents to 6:14 PM · May 13, 2021 · Twitter for Android

Actually_IT_IS_MONSTER_HUNTING_SEASON_Tina @Actually_Tina ... I have questions They look Republican O DiscussingFilm @DiscussingFilm · 1d Zachary Quinto and Billy Porter have been cast in 'THE PROUD FAMILY: LOUDER AND PROUDER' for Disney+ They will play mixed-race adoptive parents to 6:14 PM · May 13, 2021 · Twitter for Android

actually_tina the proud family louder and prouder twitter billy porter zachary quinto

SarahKTranslate

https://twitter.com/SarahKTranslate/status/1391527153506783238 Sarah Moon (美女翻訳者セラムーン) Follow @SarahKTranslate FYI, since this distinction often gets lost in The Discourse. As an anime fan who doesn't understand Japanese, it's okay to: dislike the wording of a TL -be curious about why it was translated that way It's NOT okay to: assume it's intentionally wrong - harass translators - 3:55 PM - 9 May 2021 669 Retweets 1,993 Likes O 10 17 669 O 2.0K Sarah Moon (*ERSt54-2) @SarahKTranslate - May 9 Also, even if you have valid, well-informed criticisms of a translation, always keep in mind: - translators are humans with feelings - translators care about the stories they translate - most of us are grossly overworked and underpaid - most are working under very tight deadlines https://twitter.com/SarahKTranslate/status/1365749272147202050 Pretty Translator Sarah Moon (... Follow @SarahKTranslate Just translated as "incels" and I couldn't be prouder 11:42 AM - 27 Feb 2021 42 Retweets 497 Likes O 92 17 42 497 Pretty Translator Sarah Moon ( R5->) @Sarahk.. For context, yes, the boys in question are 100% incels. 13h O 10 74

https://twitter.com/SarahKTranslate/status/1391527153506783238 Sarah Moon (美女翻訳者セラムーン) Follow @SarahKTranslate FYI, since this distinction often gets lost in The Discourse. As an anime fan who doesn't understand Japanese, it's okay to: dislike the wording of a TL -be curious about why it was translated that way It's NOT okay to: assume it's intentionally wrong - harass translators - 3:55 PM - 9 May 2021 669 Retweets 1,993 Likes O 10 17 669 O 2.0K Sarah Moon (*ERSt54-2) @SarahKTranslate - May 9 Also, even if you have valid, well-informed criticisms of a translation, always keep in mind: - translators are humans with feelings - translators care about the stories they translate - most of us are grossly overworked and underpaid - most are working under very tight deadlines https://twitter.com/SarahKTranslate/status/1365749272147202050 Pretty Translator Sarah Moon (... Follow @SarahKTranslate Just translated as "incels" and I couldn't be prouder 11:42 AM - 27 Feb 2021 42 Retweets 497 Likes O 92 17 42 497 Pretty Translator Sarah Moon ( R5->) @Sarahk.. For context, yes, the boys in question are 100% incels. 13h O 10 74

saraktranslate translator hypocrite smoogumin anime

Sucks to be a loser

cam @climaxximus my son bet me that he could make a piece of paper fly farther than i could so he spent 10 minutes making the fanciest paper airplane i've ever seen. the look on his face when i crumpled mine into a ball and launched it across the house was priceless. sucks to be a loser Imao 10:09 AM · 4/14/21 · Twitter for iPhone

cam @climaxximus my son bet me that he could make a piece of paper fly farther than i could so he spent 10 minutes making the fanciest paper airplane i've ever seen. the look on his face when i crumpled mine into a ball and launched it across the house was priceless. sucks to be a loser Imao 10:09 AM · 4/14/21 · Twitter for iPhone

parenting paper plane

There are some marketing geniuses out there

My bf got me a hematite ring that breaks when it's absorbed too much negative energy from my life. It only took a month and I need a new one. mies van der hoe @chinicheeks i need to start selling poor quality products and marketing them like this.

My bf got me a hematite ring that breaks when it's absorbed too much negative energy from my life. It only took a month and I need a new one. mies van der hoe @chinicheeks i need to start selling poor quality products and marketing them like this.

hematite ring marketing

took me a minute

Swim JeansA @ShortSleeveSuit CHRIS: hey can I borrow a ten KRISTEN: sure CHRISTEN: thank you KRIS: anytime

Swim JeansA @ShortSleeveSuit CHRIS: hey can I borrow a ten KRISTEN: sure CHRISTEN: thank you KRIS: anytime

wordplay ten borrow

"No Soldier shall, in time of peace be quartered in any house, without the consent of the owner"

therussianmajor Follow @coolauntV sleeping with a military guy and then telling him he can't stay over because of the 3rd amendment 2:33 PM - 9/15/20 - Twitter for iPhone 5,537 Retweets 282 Quote Tweets 63.5K Likes Y'all I am cackling 3amthoughts-stuff Follow Hold on, I'm not American I gotta search this... 3amthoughts-stuff Follow OK this is freaking hilarious

therussianmajor Follow @coolauntV sleeping with a military guy and then telling him he can't stay over because of the 3rd amendment 2:33 PM - 9/15/20 - Twitter for iPhone 5,537 Retweets 282 Quote Tweets 63.5K Likes Y'all I am cackling 3amthoughts-stuff Follow Hold on, I'm not American I gotta search this... 3amthoughts-stuff Follow OK this is freaking hilarious

third amendment funny tweet military army