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Still thinking about that stupid thing I said in third grade

shira has OCD and ADHD @shiraisinspired "ur so quiet" if I talk I will spend years ruminating on what I said 8:06 PM · 2021-03-16 · Twitter for iPhone 88 Retweets 2 Quote Tweets 609 Likes
shira has OCD and ADHD @shiraisinspired "ur so quiet" if I talk I will spend years ruminating on what I said 8:06 PM · 2021-03-16 · Twitter for iPhone 88 Retweets 2 Quote Tweets 609 Likes

Twitter / X
funny tweet overthinking anxiety quiet introvert

Goals tbh

sweetheart of the rodeo @clownesvanzandt Rasputin had the ideal job which is being a weird guy who just kind of hangs around 5:37 PM · 2021-03-16 · Twitter for Android 1,227 Retweets 69 Quote Tweets 10.9K Likes
sweetheart of the rodeo @clownesvanzandt Rasputin had the ideal job which is being a weird guy who just kind of hangs around 5:37 PM · 2021-03-16 · Twitter for Android 1,227 Retweets 69 Quote Tweets 10.9K Likes

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rasputin russia job

Luck of the IRS

Hormone Monstress. @bexx402 Got my stimmy on St. Patrick's Day. Call that luck of the IRS. 9:13 AM · 2021-03-17 · Twitter for iPhone 16.6K Retweets 1,092 Quote Tweets 84.4K Likes
Hormone Monstress. @bexx402 Got my stimmy on St. Patrick's Day. Call that luck of the IRS. 9:13 AM · 2021-03-17 · Twitter for iPhone 16.6K Retweets 1,092 Quote Tweets 84.4K Likes

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luck of the irish irs stimmy stimulus check

Riddle me this: how do you file taxes?

Austin @adoptedhighway bouncers at nightclubs should ask riddles instead of going by appearance 10:09 PM · 2021-03-17 · Twitter for iPhone 269 Retweets 19 Quote Tweets 4,081 Likes
Austin @adoptedhighway bouncers at nightclubs should ask riddles instead of going by appearance 10:09 PM · 2021-03-17 · Twitter for iPhone 269 Retweets 19 Quote Tweets 4,081 Likes

Twitter / X
funny tweet bouncer adults adulting

We live in unprecedented times

Matt Roller @rolldiggity Fifty years ago, if you wanted to see a picture of a raccoon, you either had to already have it or drive to a library. And raccoon in a funny hat? Forget about it. 3:02 AM · 2021-03-15 · Twitter Web App 22.7K Retweets 473 Quote Tweets 205K Likes
Matt Roller @rolldiggity Fifty years ago, if you wanted to see a picture of a raccoon, you either had to already have it or drive to a library. And raccoon in a funny hat? Forget about it. 3:02 AM · 2021-03-15 · Twitter Web App 22.7K Retweets 473 Quote Tweets 205K Likes

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raccoon funny tweet library nostalgia the past

Hola España

subdaio @subdaio Spain legalized weed and starting 32 hour work weeks. The "American dream" is now to move out the country lol 12:44 PM · 2021-03-17 · Twitter for iPhone 21.6K Retweets 1,644 Quote Tweets 122K Likes
subdaio @subdaio Spain legalized weed and starting 32 hour work weeks. The "American dream" is now to move out the country lol 12:44 PM · 2021-03-17 · Twitter for iPhone 21.6K Retweets 1,644 Quote Tweets 122K Likes

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funny tweet american dream spain

RIP Herbert the Basil

Kellalena @topaz_kell If there was a death row for killing plants, I would walk the green mile. 12:29 PM · 2019-05-16 · Twitter for iPad 175 Retweets 4 Quote Tweets 363 Likes
Kellalena @topaz_kell If there was a death row for killing plants, I would walk the green mile. 12:29 PM · 2019-05-16 · Twitter for iPad 175 Retweets 4 Quote Tweets 363 Likes

Twitter / X
funny tweet plants

Archaeology is a serious science

@Independent A strange creature that tastes like almonds has been dug up in Russia indy100.com/ alexander @whosalexander why the f--- would you taste it
@Independent A strange creature that tastes like almonds has been dug up in Russia indy100.com/ alexander @whosalexander why the f--- would you taste it

Twitter / X
almonds russia excavation archaeology bones skeleton

Scientists plan to shoot massive load of sperm samples onto the moon

they're gonna c------- the moon Översätt tweeten AV The A.V. Club O @TheAVClub 1 d Scientists plan to shoot massive load of sperm samples onto the moon dlvr.it/RvgszL
they're gonna c------- the moon Översätt tweeten AV The A.V. Club O @TheAVClub 1 d Scientists plan to shoot massive load of sperm samples onto the moon dlvr.it/RvgszL

Twitter / X
twitter moon a.v. club news headline phrasing science

Are you ready?

marquis de posade. ... @acczibit We have entered the 2020s [gameshow jingle] the decade when even the youngest millennial will enter their mid-30s and the older ones will scrape 50 Are you ready for [gameshow riff] su*cide more common than home ownership? Because it's coming baby, with giant steps and cold eyes 1:21 AM - Mar 5, 2021 - Twitter for Android 125 Retweets 12 Quote Tweets 828 Likes
marquis de posade. ... @acczibit We have entered the 2020s [gameshow jingle] the decade when even the youngest millennial will enter their mid-30s and the older ones will scrape 50 Are you ready for [gameshow riff] su*cide more common than home ownership? Because it's coming baby, with giant steps and cold eyes 1:21 AM - Mar 5, 2021 - Twitter for Android 125 Retweets 12 Quote Tweets 828 Likes

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acczibit suicide home ownership 2020s millennials

My blood pressure...

@antikirsten literally sitting in my bed with the anxiety levels of somebody being hunted for sport 12:30 PM · 12/8/20 · Twitter for iPhone
@antikirsten literally sitting in my bed with the anxiety levels of somebody being hunted for sport 12:30 PM · 12/8/20 · Twitter for iPhone

Twitter / X
funny tweet anxiety mental health

The 4th time you better make me the CEO

Lil Rich Aka Crash @Crash_The_King Thate jobs that do 3 interviews BI CH if I come the 3rd time l'm clocking in.
Lil Rich Aka Crash @Crash_The_King Thate jobs that do 3 interviews BI CH if I come the 3rd time l'm clocking in.

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funny tweet job interview work job

What if

27 You Retweeted Rainbow Fish O @RAINBOWFISH what if n------ clicked in and out like pens 1:18 PM · 2/10/21 · Twitter for iPhone
27 You Retweeted Rainbow Fish O @RAINBOWFISH what if n------ clicked in and out like pens 1:18 PM · 2/10/21 · Twitter for iPhone

Twitter / X
funny tweet

But is he really sorry or is this another one of his tricks

Conal Pierse @ConalPierse You arrive at a gate with two guards. Guard 1: Halt, traveler. You must solve our riddle to continue. Guard 2: here we go G1: ONE of us only tells the truth. The other only tells LIES. G2: jesus christ, Daniel, I saidI was sorry.
Conal Pierse @ConalPierse You arrive at a gate with two guards. Guard 1: Halt, traveler. You must solve our riddle to continue. Guard 2: here we go G1: ONE of us only tells the truth. The other only tells LIES. G2: jesus christ, Daniel, I saidI was sorry.

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funny tweet riddle challenge truth vs lie

Lovely wee tart

soul nate @MNateShyamalan british cooking shows: tell us about this wee tart youve made, the crust is just lovely american cooking shows: we've replaced your knives with philips head screwdrivers & released raccoons in the kitchen. the clock is set for 30 seconds, please bake us peace in the middle east
soul nate @MNateShyamalan british cooking shows: tell us about this wee tart youve made, the crust is just lovely american cooking shows: we've replaced your knives with philips head screwdrivers & released raccoons in the kitchen. the clock is set for 30 seconds, please bake us peace in the middle east

Twitter / X
funny tweet cooking shows british american cooking challenge

Anti-healing crystals

Cricket Arrison @cricketarrison I want a crystal that makes the vibes really bad and upsets everyone 8:56 AM - 1/29/21 · Twitter for iPhone 7,430 Retweets 788 Quote Tweets 61.2K Likes Cricket Arrison @cricketarrison 1d Replying to @cricketarrison Thanks everyone for the recommendation of meth
Cricket Arrison @cricketarrison I want a crystal that makes the vibes really bad and upsets everyone 8:56 AM - 1/29/21 · Twitter for iPhone 7,430 Retweets 788 Quote Tweets 61.2K Likes Cricket Arrison @cricketarrison 1d Replying to @cricketarrison Thanks everyone for the recommendation of meth

Twitter / X
funny tweet shitpost crystals crystal healing drugs meth

My stir fry recipe is hauntingly delicious and simply to die for

Red Sky At Night @redskyatnight Is it poltergeists? This Pan Is Flying Off The Shelves - Here's Why JEAN-PATRIQUE | SPONSORED 14:15 · 15 Mar 21 · Twitter Web App
Red Sky At Night @redskyatnight Is it poltergeists? This Pan Is Flying Off The Shelves - Here's Why JEAN-PATRIQUE | SPONSORED 14:15 · 15 Mar 21 · Twitter Web App

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ghost funny tweet poltergeist

It's called fashion pleb look it up

Adam @adamthealright At this point I think it's safe to say Gucci is just messing with us Inverted cat eye sunglasses € 520 6:48 AM · 12/18/20 · Twitter for iPhone
Adam @adamthealright At this point I think it's safe to say Gucci is just messing with us Inverted cat eye sunglasses € 520 6:48 AM · 12/18/20 · Twitter for iPhone

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Graduated with distinction

AC Tatum @actatumonline Charcuterie ain't nothing but some Lunchables that went to Harvard. 8:27 PM · 2021-02-21 · Twitter for iPhone 17.8K Retweets 1,300 Quote Tweets 124K Likes
AC Tatum @actatumonline Charcuterie ain't nothing but some Lunchables that went to Harvard. 8:27 PM · 2021-02-21 · Twitter for iPhone 17.8K Retweets 1,300 Quote Tweets 124K Likes

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charcuteries harvard lunchables funny tweet

already hurt my own feelings three times since I woke up

@jorgethevirgin You thought you hurt me? I saw it coming two months ago when i was over thinking >
@jorgethevirgin You thought you hurt me? I saw it coming two months ago when i was over thinking >

Twitter / X
funny tweet overthinking anxiety mental health