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Christians (And Librarians) Against Dinosaurs

Real Christians Against Dinosaurs (RCAD) 15 June Just finished putting all the paleontology books in the fiction section at the library. The librarian took me aside and whispered in my ear, "Thank you for doing what I can't." I'm proud to speak up for those who are being silenced by the museum industrial complex. Like DO 143 Comment (3) (3) Send

Real Christians Against Dinosaurs (RCAD) 15 June Just finished putting all the paleontology books in the fiction section at the library. The librarian took me aside and whispered in my ear, "Thank you for doing what I can't." I'm proud to speak up for those who are being silenced by the museum industrial complex. Like DO 143 Comment (3) (3) Send

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"Alpha Male"

16:04 ← Alpha Male 2 min How do you trigger Karens when they bother you? ş Currently on lunch break and I went to a restaurant. A lady was complaining about me smoking my cigar. What'd I do? I just said "You didn't complain about me smoking while we were having sex last night" Vote 56% She started REEEEing at me, but I just laughed and smoked my cigar Kommentar Teilen BESTE KOMMENTARE ✓ Kommentar hinzufügen +

16:04 ← Alpha Male 2 min How do you trigger Karens when they bother you? ş Currently on lunch break and I went to a restaurant. A lady was complaining about me smoking my cigar. What'd I do? I just said "You didn't complain about me smoking while we were having sex last night" Vote 56% She started REEEEing at me, but I just laughed and smoked my cigar Kommentar Teilen BESTE KOMMENTARE ✓ Kommentar hinzufügen +

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Yeah, This Is How Modern Conversations Go

858 Like Conversation I had at a store I went to: Employee: Can I help you? anted Employee: Do you mean your partner? Me: Not really I'm just for something for my wife. Comment Home Me (looking annoyed): No I mean my wife. Employee: Sir that is not the PRONOUN to use anymore partner is the correct pronoun. Walked out. Me: Ma'am......I'm a married man. My wife calls me her husband and I call her my wife and that's how it is. Employee: Well in this day and age wife is a word tha can be offensive and partner is more acceptable. Like Me: Well I guess I'll get something for my WIFE somewhere else. Watch 213 comment Share do &$!#% News Comment 50 comment Groups Notifications Send Menu

858 Like Conversation I had at a store I went to: Employee: Can I help you? anted Employee: Do you mean your partner? Me: Not really I'm just for something for my wife. Comment Home Me (looking annoyed): No I mean my wife. Employee: Sir that is not the PRONOUN to use anymore partner is the correct pronoun. Walked out. Me: Ma'am......I'm a married man. My wife calls me her husband and I call her my wife and that's how it is. Employee: Well in this day and age wife is a word tha can be offensive and partner is more acceptable. Like Me: Well I guess I'll get something for my WIFE somewhere else. Watch 213 comment Share do &$!#% News Comment 50 comment Groups Notifications Send Menu

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What Are You Talking About?

So some ladies deliberately get pregnant up to 4 months to their birthday for their boobs to become big, terminate the baby weeks to their birthday just to look good in their photoshoots. Yep. 2:26 PM 21 Feb 22 Twitter for Android 600 Retweets 1,156 Quote Tweets 2,068 Likes

So some ladies deliberately get pregnant up to 4 months to their birthday for their boobs to become big, terminate the baby weeks to their birthday just to look good in their photoshoots. Yep. 2:26 PM 21 Feb 22 Twitter for Android 600 Retweets 1,156 Quote Tweets 2,068 Likes

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What Are You Talking About?

So some ladies deliberately get pregnant up to 4 months to their birthday for their boobs to become big, terminate the baby weeks to their birthday just to look good in their photoshoots. Yep. 2:26 PM 21 Feb 22 Twitter for Android 600 Retweets 1,156 Quote Tweets 2,068 Likes

So some ladies deliberately get pregnant up to 4 months to their birthday for their boobs to become big, terminate the baby weeks to their birthday just to look good in their photoshoots. Yep. 2:26 PM 21 Feb 22 Twitter for Android 600 Retweets 1,156 Quote Tweets 2,068 Likes

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Good Point

Women drive bad Reply Give Award Share Report Save Follow -5 hr. ago The other day my wife asked why I was so against her driving. I said look in the Quran. Where does it say women should be allowed to drive horses and carriages. She stopped, then said "I've never really thought about it like that" Reply Give Award Share Report Save Follow -22

Women drive bad Reply Give Award Share Report Save Follow -5 hr. ago The other day my wife asked why I was so against her driving. I said look in the Quran. Where does it say women should be allowed to drive horses and carriages. She stopped, then said "I've never really thought about it like that" Reply Give Award Share Report Save Follow -22

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Holden Is Five

So a couple of weeks ago I bought a leather jacket and I felt a little silly getting it like I was trying to be cooler than I really am. But yesterday I put it on for the first time and I felt like a million bucks. Don't get me wrong, I probably did look like I was trying to be cool, but at least I looked way better than I usually do. So I walked into the kitchen to take the kids to school and I said to Holden, "Like my new jacket?" And he giggled a little and looked down at the floor, and I was like W--? He didn't want to tell me what he really thought. ME: (through gritted teeth) Holden, think about what you're about to say. Is it nice? HOLDEN: I was going to say (embarrassed and looks at the ground)... ME: What? HOLDEN: I think you look (whispers very low) s*xy. Bwhahahaha, he was just too scared to say it. Awwwwww. If I felt like a million bucks before, now I feel like two million.

So a couple of weeks ago I bought a leather jacket and I felt a little silly getting it like I was trying to be cooler than I really am. But yesterday I put it on for the first time and I felt like a million bucks. Don't get me wrong, I probably did look like I was trying to be cool, but at least I looked way better than I usually do. So I walked into the kitchen to take the kids to school and I said to Holden, "Like my new jacket?" And he giggled a little and looked down at the floor, and I was like W--? He didn't want to tell me what he really thought. ME: (through gritted teeth) Holden, think about what you're about to say. Is it nice? HOLDEN: I was going to say (embarrassed and looks at the ground)... ME: What? HOLDEN: I think you look (whispers very low) s*xy. Bwhahahaha, he was just too scared to say it. Awwwwww. If I felt like a million bucks before, now I feel like two million.

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How OP Celebrates Easter

Wearing a zombie costume to a church I thought it would be funny to wear a zombie costume to an Easter church service. I came to some 11:00am church (which is pretty early for me) wearing a zombie costume I had bought the day previously. As soon as I got out of my car, people started staring at me and their reactions were priceless. The police officer in front of the building looked confused and seemed very unsure on what to do so he just stood by. When I entered the church itself, some kids saw me and started crying while others looked shocked. I guess it's how people reacted if they had seen their fictional jesus. The pastor saw me and said, "Please leave, what you're wearing isn't very reverent". I then said, "I just dressed up as jesus". The pastor then said, "Sir, please leave so we may continue our service". In response I said, "Whatever, l'll just let you read your fairy tails. Hail Satan!". (I just said that to trigger them) Needless to say, people were shocked and I left the way I came. I might do this again next year at some other church in my town because I had so much fun this year.

Wearing a zombie costume to a church I thought it would be funny to wear a zombie costume to an Easter church service. I came to some 11:00am church (which is pretty early for me) wearing a zombie costume I had bought the day previously. As soon as I got out of my car, people started staring at me and their reactions were priceless. The police officer in front of the building looked confused and seemed very unsure on what to do so he just stood by. When I entered the church itself, some kids saw me and started crying while others looked shocked. I guess it's how people reacted if they had seen their fictional jesus. The pastor saw me and said, "Please leave, what you're wearing isn't very reverent". I then said, "I just dressed up as jesus". The pastor then said, "Sir, please leave so we may continue our service". In response I said, "Whatever, l'll just let you read your fairy tails. Hail Satan!". (I just said that to trigger them) Needless to say, people were shocked and I left the way I came. I might do this again next year at some other church in my town because I had so much fun this year.

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Having a Complete Nervous Breakdown over Cat Books

5 yr ago I used to read so much Warrior Cats. Like one book a day. So everyday I would go to school crying and I would be really rude. Once in English, I had to write a book report on my favourite book. I took every single Warrior Book Ever Made, lined them up from beginning to end. It ended up being a 20 page essay. I BROKE DOWN crying reading it about 3 times. The whole entire time I was sniffling and weeping. They had to bring me to the nurse and I kept screaming, "Yellowfang, no000000o!" 凸590 ア目

5 yr ago I used to read so much Warrior Cats. Like one book a day. So everyday I would go to school crying and I would be really rude. Once in English, I had to write a book report on my favourite book. I took every single Warrior Book Ever Made, lined them up from beginning to end. It ended up being a 20 page essay. I BROKE DOWN crying reading it about 3 times. The whole entire time I was sniffling and weeping. They had to bring me to the nurse and I kept screaming, "Yellowfang, no000000o!" 凸590 ア目

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The Hamster Mob

I am very, very sick but a neighbor just rode his bike down the street screaming "WE ARE NOT GETTING ANY MORE ANIMALS!!!" while being chased by his 3 small children on their (decreasingly smaller) bikes who kept chanting "HAMSTER! HAMSTER! HAMSTER!" and I had to share

I am very, very sick but a neighbor just rode his bike down the street screaming "WE ARE NOT GETTING ANY MORE ANIMALS!!!" while being chased by his 3 small children on their (decreasingly smaller) bikes who kept chanting "HAMSTER! HAMSTER! HAMSTER!" and I had to share

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Not How Fighting a Cop Goes

Wil Rivera 4 hrs At This cop Ben harassing me for a while. I told him let's throw hands a.. I espect the guy he threw down with me and didn't arrest me. Only in HARTFORD. 190 COMECTICUT 4 171 Comments

Wil Rivera 4 hrs At This cop Ben harassing me for a while. I told him let's throw hands a.. I espect the guy he threw down with me and didn't arrest me. Only in HARTFORD. 190 COMECTICUT 4 171 Comments

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Elaborate Revenge Plot

I asked this girl out in high school and she told me to lose weight and she'd think about it. So, I lost weight, gained confidence and when she asked me out I told her Lose weight and ll think about it. One of my proudest moments. 14:54 · 02/05/2022 · Twitter for Android 15 Retweets 1 Quote Tweet 1,929 Likes

I asked this girl out in high school and she told me to lose weight and she'd think about it. So, I lost weight, gained confidence and when she asked me out I told her Lose weight and ll think about it. One of my proudest moments. 14:54 · 02/05/2022 · Twitter for Android 15 Retweets 1 Quote Tweet 1,929 Likes

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What?

My wife and I were eating breakfast at Denny's a few Sundays ago and the only seats available were two that faced away from the door, people who know me know that having been a MARINE, I don't do well facing away from the threat. Before I continue, let me give you a bit of background on my qualifications: 3 time rifle marksman badge, Good Conduct Ribbon, Sea Service Deployment Ribbon and a DD-214 that has the numbers "0311" on it, that's right, Infantry. I served from 1978 to 1982 during the Cold War and almost daily we were told to stand by for orders because things were so tense in the world but tha call never came because Russians ain no fools. So were eating breakfast when I hear the entrance door open slowly just as the waitress dropped a tray of glasses and without hesitating, I screamed "Fire In The Hole" jumped up holding the fork I was using and pressed it against the young man's throat who was entering the building, the young man froze and our eyes locked, I saw fear, he saw ice and death. I stood down, surveyed the restaurant and informed everyone that I was and always will be a UNITED STATES MARINE to which they applauded and even paid for our breakfast, The moral of the story is when you see a truck plastered with USMC gear, tread lightly because a carelss move could cost you your life.

My wife and I were eating breakfast at Denny's a few Sundays ago and the only seats available were two that faced away from the door, people who know me know that having been a MARINE, I don't do well facing away from the threat. Before I continue, let me give you a bit of background on my qualifications: 3 time rifle marksman badge, Good Conduct Ribbon, Sea Service Deployment Ribbon and a DD-214 that has the numbers "0311" on it, that's right, Infantry. I served from 1978 to 1982 during the Cold War and almost daily we were told to stand by for orders because things were so tense in the world but tha call never came because Russians ain no fools. So were eating breakfast when I hear the entrance door open slowly just as the waitress dropped a tray of glasses and without hesitating, I screamed "Fire In The Hole" jumped up holding the fork I was using and pressed it against the young man's throat who was entering the building, the young man froze and our eyes locked, I saw fear, he saw ice and death. I stood down, surveyed the restaurant and informed everyone that I was and always will be a UNITED STATES MARINE to which they applauded and even paid for our breakfast, The moral of the story is when you see a truck plastered with USMC gear, tread lightly because a carelss move could cost you your life.

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Good Looking French Toast for Something a Six-Year-Old Made

Follow theoffice Original Audio Come out the bathroom to see the 6 year old cooked the rest Jof the french toast and the 2 year old is cutting up her orange 171,801 likes Cool, calm and collected 区

Follow theoffice Original Audio Come out the bathroom to see the 6 year old cooked the rest Jof the french toast and the 2 year old is cutting up her orange 171,801 likes Cool, calm and collected 区

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The Trip That Was Never Booked

TR THE SHADE ROOM I ask this woman l've been talking to for a minute for $100. I get a what do you need it for? When do I get it back? A whole bunch of questions lol. I planned a trip for us in the Mountains in Colorado for 4 days. Hotel cost per night $200...white water rafting $150 per person...zip lining $125 per person...hot air balloon $250 per person...SUV rental $80/day...not to mention food cost. I had all this covered. Just cancelled everything and got my deposits back. I didn't need the $100 I was just seeing what type of response l'd get if I asked for it. I didn't ask when do I get my money back when I was planning the vacation I was just handling business. People don't think long term. Test failed.

TR THE SHADE ROOM I ask this woman l've been talking to for a minute for $100. I get a what do you need it for? When do I get it back? A whole bunch of questions lol. I planned a trip for us in the Mountains in Colorado for 4 days. Hotel cost per night $200...white water rafting $150 per person...zip lining $125 per person...hot air balloon $250 per person...SUV rental $80/day...not to mention food cost. I had all this covered. Just cancelled everything and got my deposits back. I didn't need the $100 I was just seeing what type of response l'd get if I asked for it. I didn't ask when do I get my money back when I was planning the vacation I was just handling business. People don't think long term. Test failed.

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The Vigilante

I don't call the cops. The cops call me. Literally. You have no idea how strong I am. I'm tougher as a lone vigilante than a gang of 5 cops are together. One time l apprehended six robbers in the hood with my bear hands... when the cops showed up they thanked me and tried to recruit me. I said I work alone.

I don't call the cops. The cops call me. Literally. You have no idea how strong I am. I'm tougher as a lone vigilante than a gang of 5 cops are together. One time l apprehended six robbers in the hood with my bear hands... when the cops showed up they thanked me and tried to recruit me. I said I work alone.

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