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A poetic tribute to every cliche dating profile. | Bumble

The Eligible Bachelor "Fluent in sarcasm," my bio declares. "A partner in crime," a big to ensnare. Here are my biceps, check out my glutes. Spelling and grammar-couldn't give two hoots. Here is my niece, not my secret child, To detract from the pics where I'm hammered and high. Motorcycles, cigarettes and pills, All things I love, plus my Netflix & chills. Here's me surrounded by buddies galore, Just like "Where's Waldo?" I'm the eyesore. I'm going to France, you gotta come with, Damn the plane's booked-come to the gym. Ethical non-monogamy is my life, I've just got to get around to telling my wife. I hope you like kink, and an alpha male- I'm freaky in bed when Viagra's not stale. I'm a skydiver, weightlifter, runner, and hiker Mountain climber, camel rider, monk and a biker. You better keep up because I am no joke I'm one more activity away from a stroke. I'm tall if you're decent, don't wear stilettos, My ego intact, we avoid armageddon. And don't be a pen pal-I want to meet My bedroom, at midnight, your sexy feet. If you don't like plan A, I've got plan B- Walk in 5 degree weather, freezing with me. I'd buy you a coffee, but I don't have my wallet I donated to Red Cross when somebody stole it. I'm willing to travel, I'll move in tomorrow, My mother approves-she says I'm a horror. But I'm a really nice guy, we just finish last- at least in relationships, not in the bed. Look at my abs as I hold my big fish, I hope you're halfway ready for a steamy tryst. Just one more thing to add to my allure- I happen to be an entrepreneur.
The Eligible Bachelor "Fluent in sarcasm," my bio declares. "A partner in crime," a big to ensnare. Here are my biceps, check out my glutes. Spelling and grammar-couldn't give two hoots. Here is my niece, not my secret child, To detract from the pics where I'm hammered and high. Motorcycles, cigarettes and pills, All things I love, plus my Netflix & chills. Here's me surrounded by buddies galore, Just like "Where's Waldo?" I'm the eyesore. I'm going to France, you gotta come with, Damn the plane's booked-come to the gym. Ethical non-monogamy is my life, I've just got to get around to telling my wife. I hope you like kink, and an alpha male- I'm freaky in bed when Viagra's not stale. I'm a skydiver, weightlifter, runner, and hiker Mountain climber, camel rider, monk and a biker. You better keep up because I am no joke I'm one more activity away from a stroke. I'm tall if you're decent, don't wear stilettos, My ego intact, we avoid armageddon. And don't be a pen pal-I want to meet My bedroom, at midnight, your sexy feet. If you don't like plan A, I've got plan B- Walk in 5 degree weather, freezing with me. I'd buy you a coffee, but I don't have my wallet I donated to Red Cross when somebody stole it. I'm willing to travel, I'll move in tomorrow, My mother approves-she says I'm a horror. But I'm a really nice guy, we just finish last- at least in relationships, not in the bed. Look at my abs as I hold my big fish, I hope you're halfway ready for a steamy tryst. Just one more thing to add to my allure- I happen to be an entrepreneur.

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New York, 1950s

MINUTE TAVERN
MINUTE TAVERN

Old School Cool
50s 1950s 50s nostalgia 1950s nostalgia throwback nostalgia nostalgic images

Julia Child, 1950s


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50s 1950s 50s nostalgia 1950s nostalgia throwback nostalgia nostalgic images

A student at Harvard, 1950s

VARD THE H74 Coca-Co
VARD THE H74 Coca-Co

50s 1950s 50s nostalgia 1950s nostalgia throwback nostalgia nostalgic images

Sophia Loren, 1950s


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50s 1950s 50s nostalgia 1950s nostalgia throwback nostalgia nostalgic images

Carseats in the 50s


50s 1950s 50s nostalgia 1950s nostalgia throwback nostalgia nostalgic images

Street style, 1950s


50s 1950s 50s nostalgia 1950s nostalgia throwback nostalgia nostalgic images

1950s house party


50s 1950s 50s nostalgia 1950s nostalgia throwback nostalgia nostalgic images

Haircuts of the 50s

Crew Forward-combed Booggie Flattop Modern Hair Styling is a professional art Butch College Contour Flattop Booqqie We take personal pride in offering you the finest in Barber Service Executive Contour Hollywood Chick Chat Professional Contour
Crew Forward-combed Booggie Flattop Modern Hair Styling is a professional art Butch College Contour Flattop Booqqie We take personal pride in offering you the finest in Barber Service Executive Contour Hollywood Chick Chat Professional Contour

Old School Cool
50s 1950s 50s nostalgia 1950s nostalgia throwback nostalgia nostalgic images

Walking in LA

H HOLLYWOOD BLYD 6100 W. UME SALES CO. SURPLUS MATERIAL TENTS TO SCEN JTOCULMES 7150 CLEARANCE SALE bert erg
H HOLLYWOOD BLYD 6100 W. UME SALES CO. SURPLUS MATERIAL TENTS TO SCEN JTOCULMES 7150 CLEARANCE SALE bert erg

Old School Cool
50s 1950s 50s nostalgia 1950s nostalgia throwback nostalgia nostalgic images

High school in the 50s


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50s 1950s 50s nostalgia 1950s nostalgia throwback nostalgia nostalgic images

Luxury lawnmower from the 1950s


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50s 1950s 50s nostalgia 1950s nostalgia throwback nostalgia nostalgic images

Kodachrome shots from a circus in the 50s

BLUE TOP PROJECTION LAMP UE TOP PROJECTION LAMP SYLV
BLUE TOP PROJECTION LAMP UE TOP PROJECTION LAMP SYLV

50s 1950s 50s nostalgia 1950s nostalgia throwback nostalgia nostalgic images

50s diners

GIAN All Ha
GIAN All Ha

50s 1950s 50s nostalgia 1950s nostalgia throwback nostalgia nostalgic images

Dancing in the 50s


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50s 1950s 50s nostalgia 1950s nostalgia throwback nostalgia nostalgic images

Beach date, 1950s


Old School Cool
50s 1950s 50s nostalgia 1950s nostalgia throwback nostalgia nostalgic images