Memers Share In Moby's Weirdo Defense of Supposed Natalie Portman Relationship

Memers Share In Moby's Weirdo Defense of Supposed Natalie Portman Relationship

One of the world's most successful DJs, Moby played defense yesterday, after Academy Award-winning actress Natalie Portman denied allegations that the two ever dated, as depicted in Moby's memoir. Moby stated that the two shared a brief tryst when he was 33 and she was 20, only to be undone by Portman's mathematical prowess, which proved she was actually 18 and fresh out of high school.

So Moby did what any self-respecting man in power does when threatened with the prospect of cancelation: He posted a weird shirtless picture of himself with his arm around a fresh-faced young portman. That should calm the throngs of tweeters looking to drag, right? Wrong. The internet did what the Internet does, parodying Moby's post with photographs of other celebrity encounters, making fresh copypasta out of Moby's "I recently read a gossip piece" caption.

Well, there's nothing left to do but throw on "Porcelain," read these tweets and hope Moby stops posting about this.

Who Wants to be a Canceled Millionaire?

rob delaney O @robdelaney I recently read a gossip piece wherein Regis Philbin said that we'd never dated. This confused me, as we did, in fact, date. And after briefly dating in 1999 we remained friends for years. I like Regis, and I respect his intelligence and activism. But, to be honest, I can't figur 11:20 AM 22 May 2019

(Source: Twitter)

Turns Out Moby Was Hanging Out With Kiera Knightly

Dave Itzkoff @ditzkoff "Meesa recently read a gossip piece wherein--" 1:06 PM - 22 May 2019

(Source: Twitter)

Mr. Moby to the Principal's Office

"I recently read a gossip piece wherein Jeff Winger said that we'd never dated. This confused me, as we did, in fact, date. I can't figure out why he would actively misrepresent the truth about our (albeit brief) involvement." 6:42 PM -22 May 2019

(Source: Twitter)

We've Got Newman Over Here! See, Nobody cares.

l recently read a gossip piece wherein Wayne Knight said we never dated and you know what f--- this 1:40 AM - 22 May 2019

(Source: Twitter)

No One Is Smelling What Moby's Cooking

I recently read a gossip piece wherein Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson said that we'd never dated. This confused me, as we did, in fact, date. And after briefly dating in 1999 we remained friends for years. I smell what the Rock is cooking, and I respect his intelligence and activism 4:54 AM-23 May 2019

(Source: Twitter)

Moby's Watch Has Ended

I recently read a gossip piece wherein Kit Harington said we never dated. This confused me, as we did, in fact, date,,,,..., 11:08 AM -23 May 2019

(Source: Twitter)

Twitter Finds a Way

I recently read a gossip piece wherein Jeff Goldblum said that we'd never dated. This confused me, as we did, in fact, date. And after briefly dating in 1999 we remained friends for years. I like Jeff, and I respect his intelligence and activism. But, to be honest, I can't figur o. 1:52 PM - 22 May 2019

(Source: Twitter)

Maybe It Was All the Coffee

I recently read a gossip piece wherein the mailbox from Gilmore Girls said thait we'd never dated. This confused me, as we did, in fact, date. After briefly dating in 1999 we remained friends for years.I like the mailbox from Gilmore Girls, and l respect her intelligence and 8:17 AM - 23 May 2019

(Source: Twitter)

See? It Was a Good Time for Everybody

I recently read a gossip piece wherein Natalie Portman said that we'd never dated. This confused me, as we did, in fact, date. Here we are in 1999. She's just out of frame, laughing too. 5:01 AM - 23 May 2019

(Source: Twitter)

It's Weird Because Normally George Doesn't Lie

I recently read a gossip piece wherein George Washington said we'd never dated. This confused me, as we did, in fact, date. And after briefly dating in 1755 we remained friends for years. I like George, and I respect his intelligence and activism. But, to be honest (1/2) 2:19 PM - 22 May 2019

(Source: Twitter)

Despite All His Rage, Moby Will Never Be Nicholas Cage

I recently read a gossip piece wherein Nicolas Cage said that we'd never dated This confused me, as we did, in fact, date And after briefly dating in 1999 we remained friends for years. I like Nicolas, and I respect his intelligence and activism, But, to be honest, I can't figu 11:52 AM 22 May 2019

(Source: Twitter)




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