Memers Share In Moby's Weirdo Defense of Supposed Natalie Portman Relationship

One of the world's most successful DJs, Moby played defense yesterday, after Academy Award-winning actress Natalie Portman denied allegations that the two ever dated, as depicted in Moby's memoir. Moby stated that the two shared a brief tryst when he was 33 and she was 20, only to be undone by Portman's mathematical prowess, which proved she was actually 18 and fresh out of high school.

So Moby did what any self-respecting man in power does when threatened with the prospect of cancelation: He posted a weird shirtless picture of himself with his arm around a fresh-faced young portman. That should calm the throngs of tweeters looking to drag, right? Wrong. The internet did what the Internet does, parodying Moby's post with photographs of other celebrity encounters, making fresh copypasta out of Moby's "I recently read a gossip piece" caption.

Well, there's nothing left to do but throw on "Porcelain," read these tweets and hope Moby stops posting about this.

Who Wants to be a Canceled Millionaire?

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Mr. Moby to the Principal's Office

We've Got Newman Over Here! See, Nobody cares.

No One Is Smelling What Moby's Cooking

Moby's Watch Has Ended

Twitter Finds a Way

Maybe It Was All the Coffee

See? It Was a Good Time for Everybody

It's Weird Because Normally George Doesn't Lie

Despite All His Rage, Moby Will Never Be Nicholas Cage