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This Divisive Reddit Story Has Everyone Questioning If It's Wrong To Sell The Gifts You Were Given

When it comes to giving gifts, what are the expectations around that gift? Are there any? Giving someone a gift always feels good, and receiving a gift is a nice feeling too. Do some people have the wrong intentions when giving a gift though? Or do some people see gifts in the wrong light? It's one of those moral dilemmas that might not have a concrete answer but feels a little weird to think about.

This Reddit user was helping out his family by gifting unwanted kids and baby items to his brother. They accepted many gifts over time graciously. It was only during a family get-together when the user's sister-in-law commented on selling baby items they did not need, calling it a "side hustle." When asked, she admitted she likely sold some of the stuff the user had given them. This did not sit well with the user and an argument ensued. Now the user is looking for input on whether or not they are in the wrong.

The comments on this post were quite split with people on each side of the situation. Here is the original story along with several relevant comments outlining why this situation is a tricky one.

Here's the original story

AITA For telling my sister-in-law that her "side hustle" makes her a bad person My brother (33M) and his wife (30F) have 2 young boys (3 & 1). My wife and I have a 5- year-old son so over the years we have given them quite a few items that we no longer used/needed. Crib, clothes, toys, various baby items, etc. Most of the things were just taking up space in our house and we knew they would put them to use so we had no problem giving them away. We visited them a couple weeks ago for their 3-year-old's birthday party. During the party, SIL mentioned that she has been selling off a bunch of baby stuff as a "side hustle." Both she and my brother are the youngest of their families and she said that they get so many hand-me-downs from their siblings that they couldn't keep track of them all. Her solution was to start selling these gifts off online to make a few extra bucks. She was basically bragging about it. I told her that is a pretty c thing to do considering that these items were given to them as gifts that they willingly accepted and were expected to use. I asked her if they had sold some of the things we have given them and she laughed and said that she was sure she did because we've given them a lot of stuff. I told her that if I had known she was going to sell those items off, I would have given them away to someone else or donated them to a local non-profit that helps young mothers in need. She got defensive and told me that it's not like she's making a lot of money off these things, just a few bucks here and there. I told her that the people buying those items are probably the same people who would benefit from getting them for free and that she's taking advantage of them. She went off about how hard things are with the economy right now and how they need all the help they can get financially. Mind you, both she and my brother have college degrees and work full-time. I know raising kids is expensive, but they aren't in dire straits. I told her that she probably shouldn't expect us to give them anything else in the future and I would probably suggest to my other siblings that they refrain from doing so as well and look into other options for donating things. She got defensive again and told me that she doesn't feel like she's doing anything wrong. I told her she's entitled to feel that way, but my opinion of her as a person is now lesser because of this. She said that selling things they don't use to make a few bucks doesn't make her a bad person and I told her that considering they were given these things for free, it kind of does. By this point other people had noticed our conversation and my brother stepped in to end the conversation before things got too heated. He told me I should mind my own business and that if I don't want to give them anything else in the future, that's my choice. But that I took this too far by calling his wife a bad person for selling things they don't use. 7.8K upvotes Comment Copy link

(Source: Reddit)

This is what users had to say

Ok_Discount_7889 commented on post reddit NTA. I'm with you on this one. Selling a bulky item here or there wouldn't be a big deal to me (the second hand market for baby stuff is huge and a discount on a big ticket item can be a win-win for both parties), but calling it a side hustle and bragging about how much money she's making off of her family's generosity doesn't sit well. Guess she's never heard of the concept of paying it forward. I don't think you're going to convince her you're right though, so I would just avoid the subject moving forward. And donate your things to a charity or local Buy Nothing group instead. 1.6K upvotes 48 replies.

(Source: Reddit)

The comments were fairly split on this one

Zealousideal_Till683 commented on post reddit YTA. Your brother is entirely right. If you don't approve of what she's doing, don't give them more stuff. It's a terrible idea to insult people because you disagree on the best way to handle things. Your sister-in-law has a slightly different moral compass than yours, she didn't burn down an orphanage. 614 upvotes 17 replies

(Source: Reddit)

Is it wrong to accept something you know you won't use?

wlfwrtr commented on post reddit NTA Sounds like SIL is accepting things she knows she can't or won't use to sell them. You never said she was a bad person just that you no longer think so highly of her. If she used the things then sold them because she had no one to pass them on to but it doesn't sound like that's what she does. End the gifting to her but some people may not mind what she does as long as they don't have to go to the hassle of trying to get rid of things no longer want. 422 upvotes 15 replies.

(Source: Reddit)

Or should a gift be able to be used however the receiver likes?

Impossible_Rain_4727 commented on post reddit YTA: You gave her a gift. You don't get to dictate how she uses and disposes of it. You don't get to demand that she donates her personal property. It would be nice if she gave unwanted items to those who need them. However, the fact that she isn't as altruistic as you, doesn't make her a bad person. 384 upvotes 30 replies

(Source: Reddit)

Is it a side hustle?

Nekunumeritos commented on post reddit idk man, this isn't like those "pay for the person behind me" things, it'd make no negative in that person's life to give the things away instead of selling them and bragging about a "side hustle". Why do you keep accepting things if you have "too many too keep track of"? Because you're greedy 155 upvotes 18 replies

(Source: Reddit)

Hmmm…

Helpful-Science-3937 commented on post reddit NTA I never understand why people who do this don't seem to think if you wanted them sold you could have done it and made money for yourself. The point was to give them things they could use as a help to them, not a profit center. If they didn't have a use for something they should have spoken up so it could be given to someone else. Accepting things under a false pretense is deceitful. 123 upvotes 6 replies

(Source: Reddit)

That's a good point

Front_Quantity 7001 commented on post reddit YTA- big time. You got your p. money off of items that you could have made money off of. in a bunch because she's making some Do you really think that if you donated it to a women's shelter or someplace of the sort that those women would not also sell it when they're done with it? Better yet, if you donated it to a thrift store, wouldn't that thrift store sell it as well? Get over yourself, learn that this is not about you and that you have helped them and that is what you had intended to do regardless of how they did it. Pretty certain that they used what they needed to and then made a little extra money again this is not about you. 43 upvotes 7 replies

(Source: Reddit)

It's a little odd to be mad about something you didn't want

Past_Ad5967 commented on post reddit YTA You gave stuff to your sister to help them out. She sold the stuff to make money to help her family out. You helped her, but for some reason you are upset that she got help a different way than you intended. So before you got in her face did you go through her finances to see if she was too rich to need financial help? Do they spend lavishly and you think they are getting rich off your hand me downs? We give people hand me downs partly to help them but also to get it out of the house. I am usually super excited just to have the stuff out of the house. There is no way I'm taking the time and energy to sell the stuff. I'm also not checking in after giving it to them to make sure they are using it like I intended. 43 upvotes 0 replies

(Source: Reddit)

A gift should have no strings attached

mrsdont_1964 commented on post reddit YTA. They are the youngest and get hand-me-downs from more siblings than just you. If there were younger siblings starting families they would most likely also hand down those items to the younger relatives. But, there aren't any. No one should give things away, used or new things, with any expectations. Once gifted it is their personal choice to keep, return, sell or regift. It is none of your business. Next time ask if they need anything from your donation pile and if not donate it somewhere else. Most likely it will be gifted to someone who will sell it anyways. This does not make her a bad person and you really need to apologize to her. 40 upvotes 3 replies

(Source: Reddit)

It's better than throwing them out

sndidat28 commented on post reddit YTA. I give people my kids hand me downs all the time and I couldn't care less what they do with it. I hope they make a couple of bucks. Once I give it away, it's no longer mine. They owe me zero explanation. When my kids were younger, my mother in law would buy them really nice clothes. Once they grew out of them, I would sell them on poshmark and buy new stuff for them. She didn't care! She thought it was awesome. I don't understand the animosity. Confronting her and questioning her character is wild. 65 upvotes 2 replies

(Source: Reddit)

Everyone has different beliefs

meepmopbeepbob commented on post reddit My personal beliefs: If I buy something I have the right to sell it/give it away. If I'm given something, I give it to someone else. I just feel that it's good karma. If I give something to someone else and they sell it, oh well. I gave it to them, it's no longer mine and I have no right to tell someone what to do with their stuff. It's not that serious. People who are buying things off marketplace or something probably don't have much money to begin with and may make too much money to qualify for nonprofits. YTA 65 upvotes 1 reply

(Source: Reddit)

Still mad?

Ginos Fedora_ commented on post reddit I'm so glad I read this. I gave a friend of mine a couch. She was newly married and just started out so I gave it to them to help them out. Tell me why this sold the couch for $100 just a few months later. I was mad as h. I told her she should have paid it forward just like I did. I still don't like her lol you're NTA and neither am I lol 73 upvotes 5 replies

(Source: Reddit)

Maybe she should have kept quiet

Sea_Yesterday_8888 commented on post reddit NTA. I actually think it's perfectly ok to dispose of hand me downs anyway people see fit. What is not ok is to brag about it in front of the gifter. That is rude and thoughtless. 97 upvotes 0 replies

(Source: Reddit)

The top comment really sums it up

Honest-Sector-4558 commented on post ❤reddit Both she and my brother are the youngest of their families and she said that they get so many hand-me-downs from their siblings that they couldn't keep track of them all. Her solution was to start selling these gifts off online to make a few extra bucks. Just to clarify, these are not "gifts." A hand-me-down is an item someone else has already used but no longer wants. That's very different from them purchasing something brand new for a specific person. A lot of people who give hand-me-downs are just happy to be rid of those things, because they no longer use them and are taking up space. They also have the option to try and sell or repurpose these items, but if they choose to give it to someone else that's on them. I told her that the people buying those items are probably the same people who would benefit from getting them for free and that she's taking advantage of them. Full stop, this is a huge reach on your part. Tons of people resell used items or other things for a few bucks on various apps or at garage sales. Should all of those people not be allowed to resell things? They're putting in the work to market the item, and they're probably selling it for very little profit. I think YTA for trying to insist something that is perfectly normal is somehow inherently wrong. She is not taking advantage of people, she is putting in time and effort to make what sounds like a minimal profit off items she has an abundance of.

(Source: Reddit)

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