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The Next Segment Was How to Enroll in the Illuminati

First Lady Michelle Obama demonstrates to her young viewers that it's okay to ritually-sacrifice your friends for consumption

First Lady Michelle Obama demonstrates to her young viewers that it's okay to ritually-sacrifice your friends for consumption

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Never Be This Out of Your Mind, Folks

ANDREW They have never been this high before. They scream, but their tongues flail in uselessness as their bodies refuse to move.

ANDREW They have never been this high before. They scream, but their tongues flail in uselessness as their bodies refuse to move.

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Why Didn't I Think of That!?

SESAME STREET Cookie Monster fakes being diagnosed with cerebral cancer in order to enter in the Make-a-Wish Foundation.

SESAME STREET Cookie Monster fakes being diagnosed with cerebral cancer in order to enter in the Make-a-Wish Foundation.

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The Inner Mechanisations of Drugs

"And look where you are now. A sad mess of a frog whose only future accomplishments are starring in cheesy movies for children who can't tell you where their s--- is coming from and senior citizens who take forty seconds to tell you. lI'd have told you to get rid of Piggy, but you didn't take your LSD at that time. You can still get out of this mess, you know. Just end me and that woman who bitches more than she works. That quack doctor can't tell the difference between infanticide and wet Playdoh. Just be sure to think of me when you're finally free.

"And look where you are now. A sad mess of a frog whose only future accomplishments are starring in cheesy movies for children who can't tell you where their s--- is coming from and senior citizens who take forty seconds to tell you. lI'd have told you to get rid of Piggy, but you didn't take your LSD at that time. You can still get out of this mess, you know. Just end me and that woman who bitches more than she works. That quack doctor can't tell the difference between infanticide and wet Playdoh. Just be sure to think of me when you're finally free.

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Nutella

Jimmy Falon tries to diffuse the situation when Cookie Monster repeatedly yells the N-word at onlookers.

Jimmy Falon tries to diffuse the situation when Cookie Monster repeatedly yells the N-word at onlookers.

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Telly Always Has The Worst of Days

As Telly participates in the Thanksgiving Day Parade, he realizes he is not alone in the float

As Telly participates in the Thanksgiving Day Parade, he realizes he is not alone in the float

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Hooper's Store

HOOPER'S STORE Jimmy Falon successfully avoids the FBI by giving his vendor a name change.

HOOPER'S STORE Jimmy Falon successfully avoids the FBI by giving his vendor a name change.

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Actual Thing That Happens When You Google Search "Sesame Street Thanksgiving"

HAPY THANKS God punishes the Sesame Street gang, who have roasted Big Bird for their Thanksgiving feast, by forcing them to eat him for each side-by-side

HAPY THANKS God punishes the Sesame Street gang, who have roasted Big Bird for their Thanksgiving feast, by forcing them to eat him for each side-by-side

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Wouldn't You Be Terrified If You Suddenly Became Playdoh?

SESAME STREET Bert flips through the Necronomicon to send him and his friends out of Claymation Hell. A voice speaks from out of the book: But We don't want you to be freed."

SESAME STREET Bert flips through the Necronomicon to send him and his friends out of Claymation Hell. A voice speaks from out of the book: But We don't want you to be freed."

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For Better or Worse

"Elmo remembers when he used to drink to feel happy. Now Elmo drinks hoping the next one will destroy his liver, so he can finally die.

"Elmo remembers when he used to drink to feel happy. Now Elmo drinks hoping the next one will destroy his liver, so he can finally die.

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Confirmed.

SESAME STREET After years of hiding it, Kermit reveals his membership in the Illuminati

SESAME STREET After years of hiding it, Kermit reveals his membership in the Illuminati

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Elmo's New World

"Wow Elmo! Isn't it exciting to think we're the first people this tribe have seen in years!" said Murray. "Yeah Murray! The first! AND THE LAST!" screamed Elmo as he loaded his gun and prepared to take the land for the British Empire

"Wow Elmo! Isn't it exciting to think we're the first people this tribe have seen in years!" said Murray. "Yeah Murray! The first! AND THE LAST!" screamed Elmo as he loaded his gun and prepared to take the land for the British Empire

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Just Let Him Have His Fun For Once

Super Grover binges on the good s---. His friends tie him and adjust props and lightning to frequently screw with his mind.

Super Grover binges on the good s---. His friends tie him and adjust props and lightning to frequently screw with his mind.

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You're listening to TMI Radio! We dare you not to question!

"Ernie, a lot of people are wanna know why we're white supremacists, even though we don't look white! The truth is, we both have white parents!" "That's right, Bert! Actually, the reason I'm orange is because my dad shot his load into a tangelo, and then stuffed it up my mom's p----! So how come you're yellow, Bert? Did your parents get freaky with a corn cobb?" "No, I just have a really f----- up liver."

"Ernie, a lot of people are wanna know why we're white supremacists, even though we don't look white! The truth is, we both have white parents!" "That's right, Bert! Actually, the reason I'm orange is because my dad shot his load into a tangelo, and then stuffed it up my mom's p----! So how come you're yellow, Bert? Did your parents get freaky with a corn cobb?" "No, I just have a really f----- up liver."

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It's been a few months since they broke up, but Bert is always happy to see Ernie.

NERD MAC PHYSIC PT "Isn't that your old boyfriend over there, Bert?" "Which one? The homeless f-----, or the homeless f----- sucking him off?"

NERD MAC PHYSIC PT "Isn't that your old boyfriend over there, Bert?" "Which one? The homeless f-----, or the homeless f----- sucking him off?"

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That is NOT how you summon Frosty!

"Ernie, get your d--- out of that snowman."

"Ernie, get your d--- out of that snowman."

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Just A Normal Prank Show

The doctors share a hearty laugh when they reveal to Mr Johnson that he is actually on a prank show, and that he isn't going to receive any heart transplant today.

The doctors share a hearty laugh when they reveal to Mr Johnson that he is actually on a prank show, and that he isn't going to receive any heart transplant today.

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Inside the Mind of a Psychopath

"I know God, Ernie. God is a can of gas and a book of matches. With those two things you can create, and destroy. Save life, or take it. People have always had to suffer before they recieved God's mercy, Ernie. You can pray for them, but sometimes the best way to help is to get all of their suffering out of the way." "Bert? I-l don't know what to say. You burned those kids, Bert!'" "I'm not burning people, Ernie. I just bring them closer to God."

"I know God, Ernie. God is a can of gas and a book of matches. With those two things you can create, and destroy. Save life, or take it. People have always had to suffer before they recieved God's mercy, Ernie. You can pray for them, but sometimes the best way to help is to get all of their suffering out of the way." "Bert? I-l don't know what to say. You burned those kids, Bert!'" "I'm not burning people, Ernie. I just bring them closer to God."

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COME on down!

9 60 5 50 45 40 10 20 35 30 25 Grover explains to Prairie Dawn his opinion on m-----------. Prairie Dawn does not approve of his answer

9 60 5 50 45 40 10 20 35 30 25 Grover explains to Prairie Dawn his opinion on m-----------. Prairie Dawn does not approve of his answer

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These kids love to "play"

Bobby Benson shows off his harem

Bobby Benson shows off his harem

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