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Anon missed the chance | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/01/21(Mon)00:01:31 No.65974308 >be me >know girl for years >lesbian >absent father >one day she off handedly mentions she hates america while 694 KB PNG discussing politics with friend group >"what no-" >bell rings >everyone packs up to leave >walking back, she asks, "oh yeah, what were you saying anon?" >"oh, I forgot" >mfw I was going to say "what no father figure does to a m-----------"
: Anonymous 11/01/21(Mon)00:01:31 No.65974308 >be me >know girl for years >lesbian >absent father >one day she off handedly mentions she hates america while 694 KB PNG discussing politics with friend group >"what no-" >bell rings >everyone packs up to leave >walking back, she asks, "oh yeah, what were you saying anon?" >"oh, I forgot" >mfw I was going to say "what no father figure does to a m-----------"

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Magic fingers | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/31/21(Sun)18:50:27 No.865875259 >Be me >Decent looking guy >At Halloween party last night >Piss drunk >No this isn't fake retards I have a social life 299 KB JPG >Read Harry Potter when I was 10 and have had a massive crush on Hermione ever since >This was amplified by the movies because Emma Watson is hot as f--- >9/10 qt dressed as Hermione is all over me >Realize my childhood dream is about to come true >Holy f--- I could have sex Hermione >Excuse myself and tell her l'll be back in a minute >My girlfriend is at the same party >She's chill as f--- and l'm blackout drunk so I give it a shot >l ask my girlfriend if I can f--- Hermione >Dumped >F----- Hermione >Life long sexual fantasy and childhood dream fulfilled >W : Anonymous 10/31/21(Sun)18:52:22 No.865875350 >>865875259 (OP) # kill yourself brit lover
: Anonymous 10/31/21(Sun)18:50:27 No.865875259 >Be me >Decent looking guy >At Halloween party last night >Piss drunk >No this isn't fake retards I have a social life 299 KB JPG >Read Harry Potter when I was 10 and have had a massive crush on Hermione ever since >This was amplified by the movies because Emma Watson is hot as f--- >9/10 qt dressed as Hermione is all over me >Realize my childhood dream is about to come true >Holy f--- I could have sex Hermione >Excuse myself and tell her l'll be back in a minute >My girlfriend is at the same party >She's chill as f--- and l'm blackout drunk so I give it a shot >l ask my girlfriend if I can f--- Hermione >Dumped >F----- Hermione >Life long sexual fantasy and childhood dream fulfilled >W : Anonymous 10/31/21(Sun)18:52:22 No.865875350 >>865875259 (OP) # kill yourself brit lover

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Anon is special. Special needs | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 12/29/20(Tue)19:23:33 No.843486134 Please be patient Ihave autism Img-1609291387064.jpg 70 KB JPG >in school >cant keep up with normal classes >get placed into special ed class >teacher tries to teach me with all her patience >struggle with simple math for 5 hours >teacher loses it >'w-- kid? Are you f------ retarded?" >mfw
Anonymous 12/29/20(Tue)19:23:33 No.843486134 Please be patient Ihave autism Img-1609291387064.jpg 70 KB JPG >in school >cant keep up with normal classes >get placed into special ed class >teacher tries to teach me with all her patience >struggle with simple math for 5 hours >teacher loses it >'w-- kid? Are you f------ retarded?" >mfw

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Anon creates a new game show | /r/Greentext

>New idea for a gameshow "Who's the Catfish?" >Guy has to spend several days chatting to three different "women" online >Two of them are men 140 KB JPG >Contestant has to get to know all three over the course of a few days and at the end has to decide which one he wants to meet >After he chooses he is sent to a location to meet his pick >If he picks the girl he gets to go on a date with her >lf he picks a guy he has to suck his d--- >"Haha wrong guess, f-----! Now you have to suck my d---!" Would you watch this?
>New idea for a gameshow "Who's the Catfish?" >Guy has to spend several days chatting to three different "women" online >Two of them are men 140 KB JPG >Contestant has to get to know all three over the course of a few days and at the end has to decide which one he wants to meet >After he chooses he is sent to a location to meet his pick >If he picks the girl he gets to go on a date with her >lf he picks a guy he has to suck his d--- >"Haha wrong guess, f-----! Now you have to suck my d---!" Would you watch this?

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The candy man can | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/31/21(Sun)12:54:01 No.65970991 >be me 5 min ago >doorbell.wav >nobody is home except me >watch outside >see kids trick or treating >run to second floor to get the candies >cant find the candies 555 KB PNG >omg omg omg omg why i dont want the kids to feel sad >go to first floor >find candies >think "oh no the kids are gonna be gone by now : (" >watch outside and see that kids are still there >give them candies the tought of those kids being sad was umberable, idk : Anonymous 10/31/21(Sun)13:14:07 No.65971165 >>65970991 (OP) # Ya did good ya magnificent bastard. Happy Halloween.
: Anonymous 10/31/21(Sun)12:54:01 No.65970991 >be me 5 min ago >doorbell.wav >nobody is home except me >watch outside >see kids trick or treating >run to second floor to get the candies >cant find the candies 555 KB PNG >omg omg omg omg why i dont want the kids to feel sad >go to first floor >find candies >think "oh no the kids are gonna be gone by now : (" >watch outside and see that kids are still there >give them candies the tought of those kids being sad was umberable, idk : Anonymous 10/31/21(Sun)13:14:07 No.65971165 >>65970991 (OP) # Ya did good ya magnificent bastard. Happy Halloween.

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A good boy changes his habits for the better | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/26/20(Tue)10:04:56 No.828518056 >Be Me >Single mother to a 30 year old be nice man NEET. >Come back after a long and stressful day at work. >My son s--- himself out of excitement when he saw me. 134 KB JPG >He waddles our of his little Barney play pin and says "MUMMY DO YOU HAVE TENDIES THAT ARE YUMMY FOR MY TUMMY!?" >"Son you're getting a little overweight, here I got you this salad from the grocery store. Why don't you give it a try?" >My son RRREEES >"DUMB W---- VEGATALS ARE POISON! WHY DO YOU TRY TO HURT YOUR GOOD LITTLE ΒΟΥ" >He picks up his gaming chair and throws it at me. >He pulls his pants down and let's out a Mexican mudslide. >He then unsheathes his katana. >l am sobbing. And my son hears me. >My son suddenly stops. >My son apologizes to me and cleans up all of his s---. >He sells all of his toys and starts using the toilet. >He enrolls in college and gets a job. >He loses weight and starts showering everyday. >That was 10 years ago he know has a PHD and has a good paying job. >l am proud of my son.
: Anonymous 05/26/20(Tue)10:04:56 No.828518056 >Be Me >Single mother to a 30 year old be nice man NEET. >Come back after a long and stressful day at work. >My son s--- himself out of excitement when he saw me. 134 KB JPG >He waddles our of his little Barney play pin and says "MUMMY DO YOU HAVE TENDIES THAT ARE YUMMY FOR MY TUMMY!?" >"Son you're getting a little overweight, here I got you this salad from the grocery store. Why don't you give it a try?" >My son RRREEES >"DUMB W---- VEGATALS ARE POISON! WHY DO YOU TRY TO HURT YOUR GOOD LITTLE ΒΟΥ" >He picks up his gaming chair and throws it at me. >He pulls his pants down and let's out a Mexican mudslide. >He then unsheathes his katana. >l am sobbing. And my son hears me. >My son suddenly stops. >My son apologizes to me and cleans up all of his s---. >He sells all of his toys and starts using the toilet. >He enrolls in college and gets a job. >He loses weight and starts showering everyday. >That was 10 years ago he know has a PHD and has a good paying job. >l am proud of my son.

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Anon wages war | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 05/12/17(Fri)10:51:30 No.33939268 File: images (1) jpg (11 KB, 225x225) >>33939406 >>33939526 >>33939610 >>33939698 >>33940631>33940670 >6 am on a saturday >finished 10 hour shift at s----- job 2 hours ago >sleeping peacefully >HONK HONK HONK >ignore it >HONKHONKHONKHONK >wake up im f------ p----- >people near me have been feeding birds when they wake up for god knows what reason >walk outside i live in a rural area near a lake >f------ GEESE sitting there like f------ just all look up at me >im sleep deprieved and out of it, thought they were challenging me >shout "shut the F--- up bird n------ its too early for this s---" >HONK >one walks close to me expecting food >seriouslyfucker.jpg >"shoo a------ your in season next month" >walk away trys to peck me and i kick him away >HONKHONKHONK HERE COME THE REST OF THEM >get inside my house with a few pecks and p----- as f--- >find rifle >buy bird food >buy cheap pans >buy tannerite >set up canadian geese ied in a field near the lake where i know these f------ feed >idea was to scare them away >wait 2 hours until a bunch of them land and start feeding next to my ied >Do i really wanna get reported for poaching with an ied? >f--- yes they've annoyed me for 3 weeks straight >shoot, boom >isis would be proud >10 died immediatly >rest got ptsd and never f------ bothered me again F--- geese man, litterally the jamals of the bird world
Anonymous 05/12/17(Fri)10:51:30 No.33939268 File: images (1) jpg (11 KB, 225x225) >>33939406 >>33939526 >>33939610 >>33939698 >>33940631>33940670 >6 am on a saturday >finished 10 hour shift at s----- job 2 hours ago >sleeping peacefully >HONK HONK HONK >ignore it >HONKHONKHONKHONK >wake up im f------ p----- >people near me have been feeding birds when they wake up for god knows what reason >walk outside i live in a rural area near a lake >f------ GEESE sitting there like f------ just all look up at me >im sleep deprieved and out of it, thought they were challenging me >shout "shut the F--- up bird n------ its too early for this s---" >HONK >one walks close to me expecting food >seriouslyfucker.jpg >"shoo a------ your in season next month" >walk away trys to peck me and i kick him away >HONKHONKHONK HERE COME THE REST OF THEM >get inside my house with a few pecks and p----- as f--- >find rifle >buy bird food >buy cheap pans >buy tannerite >set up canadian geese ied in a field near the lake where i know these f------ feed >idea was to scare them away >wait 2 hours until a bunch of them land and start feeding next to my ied >Do i really wanna get reported for poaching with an ied? >f--- yes they've annoyed me for 3 weeks straight >shoot, boom >isis would be proud >10 died immediatly >rest got ptsd and never f------ bothered me again F--- geese man, litterally the jamals of the bird world

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The Hurt Locker | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Bullying Stories Thread 10/29/21(Fri)03:18:23 No.65941021 Keep it to 8th grade and above. No one gives a s--- about childhood bullying >be black 9th grader in 2007 >violent black fight obsessed bully bullies me daily 193 KB JPG >eventually entire school bullies me >all i want to do is mind my own business, do cardio, and watch anime >never fight him because I know this .gif would happen to me >dont want to die, have a mutilated face, or have broken ribs >complain to parents >switch schools to honors magnet school >proceed to live happy life because I chose to be smart instead of brave no regrets. You can call me a coward but I don't take unnecessary risks. Imagine 'being brave' at 13 years old only to die. So much for your legacy.
: Anonymous Bullying Stories Thread 10/29/21(Fri)03:18:23 No.65941021 Keep it to 8th grade and above. No one gives a s--- about childhood bullying >be black 9th grader in 2007 >violent black fight obsessed bully bullies me daily 193 KB JPG >eventually entire school bullies me >all i want to do is mind my own business, do cardio, and watch anime >never fight him because I know this .gif would happen to me >dont want to die, have a mutilated face, or have broken ribs >complain to parents >switch schools to honors magnet school >proceed to live happy life because I chose to be smart instead of brave no regrets. You can call me a coward but I don't take unnecessary risks. Imagine 'being brave' at 13 years old only to die. So much for your legacy.

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The babe with the power | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/31/21(Sun)12:17:20 No.65970614 >live in Texas >abortion has been effectively banned >sister's w---- friend gets pregnant >needs an abortion >goes to African American hoodoo with doctor >witch doctor shoves herbs up her p---- >herbs somehow forces a miscarriage Next time I'm dealing with some issue, I'm definitely going to see the hoodoo woman. 125 KB PNG
: Anonymous 10/31/21(Sun)12:17:20 No.65970614 >live in Texas >abortion has been effectively banned >sister's w---- friend gets pregnant >needs an abortion >goes to African American hoodoo with doctor >witch doctor shoves herbs up her p---- >herbs somehow forces a miscarriage Next time I'm dealing with some issue, I'm definitely going to see the hoodoo woman. 125 KB PNG

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Board walk | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous finally can leave this board 10/31/21(Sun)13:24:39 No.65971255 >get accepted into rich private college >first year in college >girl in my math class is hot as f--- and sporty >i subconsciously slip into her brain by speaking with her right before class begins, MK Ultra 74 KB PNG type s--- >form a study group with her and get her number >start texting everyday >she texts me good morning and goodnight >holy_fuck.jpeg >she invites me to a halloween party over the weekend, i think why not >we hangout and go to haunted houses, she holds my hand all the way through >erectin_a_dispenser.mkv >end of the night, gotta get home >she walks me back to my car and just stares at me for a few seconds >"stop looking at me that way, anon" >"looking at you in what way?" >she says shes awkward and laughs >caveman DNA activates and I say "so you like me?" >she immediately says yes, and I admit my feelings too >holy f--- i am a god >l ask if she wanted to take things slow, she says yes but she seemed like she wanted more >I kiss her and become a chad Finally, can leave this f------ board. Goodbye losers, No longer a KISSLESS hugless virgin. Eat s---.
: Anonymous finally can leave this board 10/31/21(Sun)13:24:39 No.65971255 >get accepted into rich private college >first year in college >girl in my math class is hot as f--- and sporty >i subconsciously slip into her brain by speaking with her right before class begins, MK Ultra 74 KB PNG type s--- >form a study group with her and get her number >start texting everyday >she texts me good morning and goodnight >holy_fuck.jpeg >she invites me to a halloween party over the weekend, i think why not >we hangout and go to haunted houses, she holds my hand all the way through >erectin_a_dispenser.mkv >end of the night, gotta get home >she walks me back to my car and just stares at me for a few seconds >"stop looking at me that way, anon" >"looking at you in what way?" >she says shes awkward and laughs >caveman DNA activates and I say "so you like me?" >she immediately says yes, and I admit my feelings too >holy f--- i am a god >l ask if she wanted to take things slow, she says yes but she seemed like she wanted more >I kiss her and become a chad Finally, can leave this f------ board. Goodbye losers, No longer a KISSLESS hugless virgin. Eat s---.

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Anon misses the old days | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/05/21(Tue)10:41:23 No.16789458 >>16789242 # >early 90s >Trick or Treating started AFTER it was dark >walking around to different neighborhoods to get candy >some old boomers would sit 72 KB JPG outside sometimes and actually hand the candy to you >sometimes they'd dress up like a scarecrow or something and spook you >one company in a housing complex near my school took 2 houses that were next to each other and made a big-ass haunted house that you could go into for 5 bucks and they gave you candy at the end I WANT TO GO BACK, F--- THIS GAY EARTH >>16789477 # >>16789494 # >>16789531 # >>16789534 # >>16789818 # >>16789849 # >>16795934 # >>16796300 # >>16796986 #
: Anonymous 10/05/21(Tue)10:41:23 No.16789458 >>16789242 # >early 90s >Trick or Treating started AFTER it was dark >walking around to different neighborhoods to get candy >some old boomers would sit 72 KB JPG outside sometimes and actually hand the candy to you >sometimes they'd dress up like a scarecrow or something and spook you >one company in a housing complex near my school took 2 houses that were next to each other and made a big-ass haunted house that you could go into for 5 bucks and they gave you candy at the end I WANT TO GO BACK, F--- THIS GAY EARTH >>16789477 # >>16789494 # >>16789531 # >>16789534 # >>16789818 # >>16789849 # >>16795934 # >>16796300 # >>16796986 #

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anon gets gf | /r/Greentext

File: Mace_Windu.png (139 KB, 250x400) Anonymous 10/31/21(Sun)14:47:30 No.865851757 Reply >>865851922 > be me > 4chan user > No gf, on ladv/ > Stop taking advice from 4chan > Get girlfriend > I love her All it took was the fact I'm 6'1, have a 8 inch long 7 inch wide penis and the fact I have a tolerable, fun personality Please anons, don't listen to each other, that is the only thing holding you back, for sure Pic unrelated
File: Mace_Windu.png (139 KB, 250x400) Anonymous 10/31/21(Sun)14:47:30 No.865851757 Reply >>865851922 > be me > 4chan user > No gf, on ladv/ > Stop taking advice from 4chan > Get girlfriend > I love her All it took was the fact I'm 6'1, have a 8 inch long 7 inch wide penis and the fact I have a tolerable, fun personality Please anons, don't listen to each other, that is the only thing holding you back, for sure Pic unrelated

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Anon protects his virginity | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/02/21(Thu)13:06:04 No.63322782 >getting mcdonalds late at night >going up the elevator with a girl who just came home from a party alone >she says "those fries smell good" >l say "yup" >she says "i'm hungry for some fries" 90 KB PNG >I say "fries are pretty good" >on her floor she stands in the elevator door and leans up against the frame in an attempt to be seductive and says "i sure would like some fries" and bites her lip >l say "they're open 24 hours" >she leaves I managed to protect my fries and my virginity.
: Anonymous 09/02/21(Thu)13:06:04 No.63322782 >getting mcdonalds late at night >going up the elevator with a girl who just came home from a party alone >she says "those fries smell good" >l say "yup" >she says "i'm hungry for some fries" 90 KB PNG >I say "fries are pretty good" >on her floor she stands in the elevator door and leans up against the frame in an attempt to be seductive and says "i sure would like some fries" and bites her lip >l say "they're open 24 hours" >she leaves I managed to protect my fries and my virginity.

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Anon likes birbs | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/24/21(Sun)18:28:53 No.3961022 >KWIIIIIIIIEEE >KWIIIIIIIEEEEEE >KWIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEE 81 KB JPG >KWIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE : Anonymous 10/24/21(Sun)19:12:14 No.3961053 513 KB PNG
: Anonymous 10/24/21(Sun)18:28:53 No.3961022 >KWIIIIIIIIEEE >KWIIIIIIIEEEEEE >KWIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEE 81 KB JPG >KWIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE : Anonymous 10/24/21(Sun)19:12:14 No.3961053 513 KB PNG

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Very big F | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Sad things you do 11/12/15(Thu)22:15:16 No.24222146 >Be a kid >Come home from school >Mom works an evening shift at a gas station >She leaves pizza for me >Have two games for my 22 KB PNG SNES >TMNT Tournament Fighters and The Addams Family >Put pizza in oven and use watch to time it >Play game while pizza cooks, often get distracted by my games. >Have burnt pizza most nights but eat it anyway. >Usually asleep by the time Mom gets home >We'd chat for a while if I was still up playing games. >One night on her way home she was hit by a drunk driver and she died. >In my 20s now >Occasionally I'll play TMNT and Addams Family on a SNES and fat old CRT TV and eat burnt pizza. >Eating burnt pizza comforts me regardless of the taste. >Pretend Mom is still out there working at the gas station >Go to bed early so the illusion isn't broken
: Anonymous Sad things you do 11/12/15(Thu)22:15:16 No.24222146 >Be a kid >Come home from school >Mom works an evening shift at a gas station >She leaves pizza for me >Have two games for my 22 KB PNG SNES >TMNT Tournament Fighters and The Addams Family >Put pizza in oven and use watch to time it >Play game while pizza cooks, often get distracted by my games. >Have burnt pizza most nights but eat it anyway. >Usually asleep by the time Mom gets home >We'd chat for a while if I was still up playing games. >One night on her way home she was hit by a drunk driver and she died. >In my 20s now >Occasionally I'll play TMNT and Addams Family on a SNES and fat old CRT TV and eat burnt pizza. >Eating burnt pizza comforts me regardless of the taste. >Pretend Mom is still out there working at the gas station >Go to bed early so the illusion isn't broken

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Don’t dream it. /b/ it | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/13/21 (Wed)06:23:18 No.30011286 I'm not sure if this counts but I've had a recurring sexual dream involving my cousin that spanned a few years that sorta came true 1.91 MB GIF >First dream happens around 2011 >l'm at a house party with a ton of friends and my cousin is there >Shes very clingy to me at the party >She seems to be sad about something and she sees me as a way to make her happy >Shes desperately trying to make out with me >people at the party are staring at us as she tries to get me to make out with her >i avoid making out with her >i have the same dream in 2012 and again in 2014 >2015 i have a birthday party irl >She sleeps over my house after the party and we both sleep in my bed >in bed she only wears a tank top and panties which i thought was weird, but too drunk to care >she tries to make a pass at me by pretending to be asleep and grinding on me >i don't do s--- What does /x/ make of this? It's one of the few times I had a precognition.
: Anonymous 10/13/21 (Wed)06:23:18 No.30011286 I'm not sure if this counts but I've had a recurring sexual dream involving my cousin that spanned a few years that sorta came true 1.91 MB GIF >First dream happens around 2011 >l'm at a house party with a ton of friends and my cousin is there >Shes very clingy to me at the party >She seems to be sad about something and she sees me as a way to make her happy >Shes desperately trying to make out with me >people at the party are staring at us as she tries to get me to make out with her >i avoid making out with her >i have the same dream in 2012 and again in 2014 >2015 i have a birthday party irl >She sleeps over my house after the party and we both sleep in my bed >in bed she only wears a tank top and panties which i thought was weird, but too drunk to care >she tries to make a pass at me by pretending to be asleep and grinding on me >i don't do s--- What does /x/ make of this? It's one of the few times I had a precognition.

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