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anon is named goobins | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 210 KB PNG 02/25/22(Fri) 19:16:19 No.67576853 >born >parents named me Goobins i never stood a f------ chance in this world 14 Replies / 2 Images View Thread
: Anonymous 210 KB PNG 02/25/22(Fri) 19:16:19 No.67576853 >born >parents named me Goobins i never stood a f------ chance in this world 14 Replies / 2 Images View Thread

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anon pirates | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 12/08/20(Tue)02:43:04 No.535226782 1606304985763.gif 331 KB GIF >download video game for free >default search engine changes
Anonymous 12/08/20(Tue)02:43:04 No.535226782 1606304985763.gif 331 KB GIF >download video game for free >default search engine changes

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Anon plays Yahtzee | /r/Greentext

File: download.png (11 KB, 225x225) Wh Yahtzee Anonymous 08/29/22 (Mon) 05:22:02 No.884708881 > be 18 > GF texts me her period is 6 days late > freaking the f--- out > tell her to buy test > buys it > waiting for results > literally f------ shaking > worst fear ive felt in my life > notification pops up on my phone > its le f------ Yahtzee app > "relax yourself with a game of yahtzee!" > mfw
File: download.png (11 KB, 225x225) Wh Yahtzee Anonymous 08/29/22 (Mon) 05:22:02 No.884708881 > be 18 > GF texts me her period is 6 days late > freaking the f--- out > tell her to buy test > buys it > waiting for results > literally f------ shaking > worst fear ive felt in my life > notification pops up on my phone > its le f------ Yahtzee app > "relax yourself with a game of yahtzee!" > mfw

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anon likes his roommate | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 178 KB JPG 05/18/21(Tue) 20:34:23 No.854751781 >be me >roommate is a 7/10 female- type >she's clean >she's quiet >she's chill >she brought furniture >find out we have the same taste in music >we start hanging out a bunch >start smoking together >first girl I've been really close to in a while >first person I've been really close to in a while >her lease is up >tell her should renew >tell her she's a good roommate >a bit embarrassing >being vulnerable always is >but you gotta tell your friends they matter to you "I'm not gonna lie, anon, I've gotta get out of here. Listening to the sounds you jerking off over the last few months has been traumatising."
: Anonymous 178 KB JPG 05/18/21(Tue) 20:34:23 No.854751781 >be me >roommate is a 7/10 female- type >she's clean >she's quiet >she's chill >she brought furniture >find out we have the same taste in music >we start hanging out a bunch >start smoking together >first girl I've been really close to in a while >first person I've been really close to in a while >her lease is up >tell her should renew >tell her she's a good roommate >a bit embarrassing >being vulnerable always is >but you gotta tell your friends they matter to you "I'm not gonna lie, anon, I've gotta get out of here. Listening to the sounds you jerking off over the last few months has been traumatising."

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Anon really likes shrimp | /r/Greentext

652 KB PNG >be me >at party >autistic as f---. this is the first time I've gone to an event in months if not a year >stands awkwardly in corner, pretending to be on my phone. >qt3.14 walks near me >she is standing super close. i can practically smell her. >mouthwatering.jpeg >she is still standing next to me, and occasionally looks at my direction >after a few minutes she says something >"hey anon" >"h-hey.." >"what are you doing?" >what does it look like I'm doing? I am clearly just standing here. what does she want from me >"uh... n-nothing much. just chilling" >"cool" >"yeah cool" >we continue talking >h-------- she is actually talking to me >SHE TOUCHES MY ARM >IS THIS HAPPENING? >i am a stuttering mess but she doesn't mind, shes acting super flirty >after a while of me awkwardly replying to her she asks if we want to 'go somewhere more private' >h-------- h-------- h-------- >I nod, and let her lead me into a bedroom >i don't know the host. its a random bedroom. i feel super awkward >she gets on the bed. Anonymous (ID: gVz3eAL+) 08/28/22(Sun)23:11:15 No.16034747 >i notice a fishtank on the desk >to be blunt, its a s----- tank. >fits for a a beta fish. no filter, and this horrid rainbow fruity pebble looking gravel >i feel bad for the poor thing >she looks at me, looking confused but still flirty >"anon, wont you join me?" >i cant help it. i blurt out "look at the tank" >"huh?" >"the tank. its so bad." >"oh." >"honestly its a decent 5gal. if i was able to i could connect a filter and heating system and it would be pretty impressive, maybe some proper substrate and lighting and it could be a planted tank." >"what?" >"for shrimp! Neocaridina red cherries, to be specific. they are pretty sturdy and wont mind the conditions." >at this point i notice she looks bored but i am already too far in >i proceed to talk about how to set up a shrimp tank for at least ten minutes >she awkwardly excuses herself, saying she is going to quickly grab something >i sit on the edge of the bed >i wait >i wait half an hour >she doesn't come back I WAS SO CLOSE!! I WAS SO F------ CLOSE IM SO MAD AT MYSELF RIGHT NOW.
652 KB PNG >be me >at party >autistic as f---. this is the first time I've gone to an event in months if not a year >stands awkwardly in corner, pretending to be on my phone. >qt3.14 walks near me >she is standing super close. i can practically smell her. >mouthwatering.jpeg >she is still standing next to me, and occasionally looks at my direction >after a few minutes she says something >"hey anon" >"h-hey.." >"what are you doing?" >what does it look like I'm doing? I am clearly just standing here. what does she want from me >"uh... n-nothing much. just chilling" >"cool" >"yeah cool" >we continue talking >h-------- she is actually talking to me >SHE TOUCHES MY ARM >IS THIS HAPPENING? >i am a stuttering mess but she doesn't mind, shes acting super flirty >after a while of me awkwardly replying to her she asks if we want to 'go somewhere more private' >h-------- h-------- h-------- >I nod, and let her lead me into a bedroom >i don't know the host. its a random bedroom. i feel super awkward >she gets on the bed. Anonymous (ID: gVz3eAL+) 08/28/22(Sun)23:11:15 No.16034747 >i notice a fishtank on the desk >to be blunt, its a s----- tank. >fits for a a beta fish. no filter, and this horrid rainbow fruity pebble looking gravel >i feel bad for the poor thing >she looks at me, looking confused but still flirty >"anon, wont you join me?" >i cant help it. i blurt out "look at the tank" >"huh?" >"the tank. its so bad." >"oh." >"honestly its a decent 5gal. if i was able to i could connect a filter and heating system and it would be pretty impressive, maybe some proper substrate and lighting and it could be a planted tank." >"what?" >"for shrimp! Neocaridina red cherries, to be specific. they are pretty sturdy and wont mind the conditions." >at this point i notice she looks bored but i am already too far in >i proceed to talk about how to set up a shrimp tank for at least ten minutes >she awkwardly excuses herself, saying she is going to quickly grab something >i sit on the edge of the bed >i wait >i wait half an hour >she doesn't come back I WAS SO CLOSE!! I WAS SO F------ CLOSE IM SO MAD AT MYSELF RIGHT NOW.

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anon plays scrabble | /r/Greentext

D No.49131686 12 minutes ago 1495760245773.jpg JPG 5.4 KiB 200x200 >Be me >6/10 grill gets interested in me >Go back to her place >Chatting and having a good time >"Hey Anon, wanna play scrabble?" >I say sure >We start playing >She plays the word "Rap" >I look at my letters >There's only one thing I can play >I add in an E ... >"Rap" becomes "R---" >She pauses for a second >"Anon I'm really not comfortable with that, please take it back." >I refuse to take it back, it gives me a triple word score >She goes quiet the rest of the game >I win 340 to 180 >She asks me to leave >She never speaks to me again >I rage at her for ghosting me and call her a thot >Still think about it to this day How did I do?
D No.49131686 12 minutes ago 1495760245773.jpg JPG 5.4 KiB 200x200 >Be me >6/10 grill gets interested in me >Go back to her place >Chatting and having a good time >"Hey Anon, wanna play scrabble?" >I say sure >We start playing >She plays the word "Rap" >I look at my letters >There's only one thing I can play >I add in an E ... >"Rap" becomes "R---" >She pauses for a second >"Anon I'm really not comfortable with that, please take it back." >I refuse to take it back, it gives me a triple word score >She goes quiet the rest of the game >I win 340 to 180 >She asks me to leave >She never speaks to me again >I rage at her for ghosting me and call her a thot >Still think about it to this day How did I do?

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anon cracks a joke | /r/Greentext

Anonymous ♥ 56 KB JPG 08/22/22(Mon)22:34:30 No.884372559 >be me >amidst one of the worst floods in my state's history >see that my entire house is surrounded in water with no land in sight >"this will definitely affect trout season" >my whole family looks at me in confusion 17 people died that day
Anonymous ♥ 56 KB JPG 08/22/22(Mon)22:34:30 No.884372559 >be me >amidst one of the worst floods in my state's history >see that my entire house is surrounded in water with no land in sight >"this will definitely affect trout season" >my whole family looks at me in confusion 17 people died that day

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anon likes to procrastinate | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/01/18(Thu)20:30:36 >Have a whole week to do an assignment No.49047062 >Wait until the last 4 hours >have panic attack and total meltdown because 4 hours isn't enough to do it >have to try 58 KB PNG >do it in 2 hours >get 95% on the assignment >one week to do assignment >wait until the last 2 hours
: Anonymous 11/01/18(Thu)20:30:36 >Have a whole week to do an assignment No.49047062 >Wait until the last 4 hours >have panic attack and total meltdown because 4 hours isn't enough to do it >have to try 58 KB PNG >do it in 2 hours >get 95% on the assignment >one week to do assignment >wait until the last 2 hours

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Anon found a loophole. | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 29 KB PNG 08/29/22(Mon)03:22:50 No.884705532 >Be me, wagecuck who hates his job at s----- megacorp >Pays s---, a------ managers, d------- colleagues >Find new job that pays good >Don't even announce my leave at shitcorp >Just don't show up there for 2 weeks before starting new job >Scared of them calling and feeling like an a------ but f--- it they had it coming >The entire 2 weeks goes by without a call >They must know I quit >At new job >I'm actually happy at work, boss is funny as hell and smart >Colleagues are competent and we do stuff outside work >Dating a sexy redhead woman >Look for my first pay check >S--- corp has still been paying me >Should I say something? Nah. >Months goes by and shitcorp keeps paying me >Get out of work early and decide to go into shitcorp >Usual s---. Colleagues talk to me like nothing happened. What the hell? Do I just tell them I quit or wait til they figure it out?
Anonymous 29 KB PNG 08/29/22(Mon)03:22:50 No.884705532 >Be me, wagecuck who hates his job at s----- megacorp >Pays s---, a------ managers, d------- colleagues >Find new job that pays good >Don't even announce my leave at shitcorp >Just don't show up there for 2 weeks before starting new job >Scared of them calling and feeling like an a------ but f--- it they had it coming >The entire 2 weeks goes by without a call >They must know I quit >At new job >I'm actually happy at work, boss is funny as hell and smart >Colleagues are competent and we do stuff outside work >Dating a sexy redhead woman >Look for my first pay check >S--- corp has still been paying me >Should I say something? Nah. >Months goes by and shitcorp keeps paying me >Get out of work early and decide to go into shitcorp >Usual s---. Colleagues talk to me like nothing happened. What the hell? Do I just tell them I quit or wait til they figure it out?

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anon lifts | /r/Greentext

Things that motivate you to lift Anonymous 08/28/22(Sun)08:35:06 No.68136580 [Reply] Post'em /fit/ >last night >qt. Hobbit wife and I go to bar for a friend's birthday >she commits the heresy of wearing high heels (Hobbits shouldn't do it) >we dance a lot >it gets late, time to go >her feet are extremey sore >l autistically tell her "THIS IS WHY I LIFT" >pick her up and carry her to the car, some 250 yeards away >manage to do it without too much effort (she's 105 lbs, but still) >on our way home she gets all handsy and affectionate, thanking me for being "her protector" >at home we're both quite tired, but she's super horny and wants to f--- anway >we f--- like there's no tomorrow >1 minute after we finish sex she's sound asleep This type of mire is priceless. I'll never stop lifting.
Things that motivate you to lift Anonymous 08/28/22(Sun)08:35:06 No.68136580 [Reply] Post'em /fit/ >last night >qt. Hobbit wife and I go to bar for a friend's birthday >she commits the heresy of wearing high heels (Hobbits shouldn't do it) >we dance a lot >it gets late, time to go >her feet are extremey sore >l autistically tell her "THIS IS WHY I LIFT" >pick her up and carry her to the car, some 250 yeards away >manage to do it without too much effort (she's 105 lbs, but still) >on our way home she gets all handsy and affectionate, thanking me for being "her protector" >at home we're both quite tired, but she's super horny and wants to f--- anway >we f--- like there's no tomorrow >1 minute after we finish sex she's sound asleep This type of mire is priceless. I'll never stop lifting.

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anon was too hopeful | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 14 KB JPG 06/22/22(Wed)01:03:18 No.69131660 >19 >Edge of beard at corners of lip is turning grey Am I getting my wizard powers early? 06/22/22 (Wed)01:04:53 No.69131679 Anonymous >>69131660 (OP) # That's just leftover milk from your cereal.
Anonymous 14 KB JPG 06/22/22(Wed)01:03:18 No.69131660 >19 >Edge of beard at corners of lip is turning grey Am I getting my wizard powers early? 06/22/22 (Wed)01:04:53 No.69131679 Anonymous >>69131660 (OP) # That's just leftover milk from your cereal.

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anon's dad likes trucks | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: y8De0+0A 02/03/18(Sat)20:54:28 No.7275061 >dad buys 2015 Diesel Dodge Ram >6 months later says "I think I'm gonna buy a new truck" >whatthefuck.jpeg >"why you just got a new one" >"I'm gonna buy a 2016. Those diesel Engines last forever" >"then why don't you make your 2015 last forever" >says I don't understand vehicles >tfw he's over $70,000 in debt and doesn't 128 KB JPG understand why Is my dad retarded?
Anonymous (ID: y8De0+0A 02/03/18(Sat)20:54:28 No.7275061 >dad buys 2015 Diesel Dodge Ram >6 months later says "I think I'm gonna buy a new truck" >whatthefuck.jpeg >"why you just got a new one" >"I'm gonna buy a 2016. Those diesel Engines last forever" >"then why don't you make your 2015 last forever" >says I don't understand vehicles >tfw he's over $70,000 in debt and doesn't 128 KB JPG understand why Is my dad retarded?

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Anon uses a public toilet | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 83 KB JPG 08/28/22(Sun)17:12:21 No.884679141 >enter public toilet >sit down on a toilet >the seat is warm >the warmth feels pleasant on my butt >but it means someone else has just used it truly a double edged sword
: Anonymous 83 KB JPG 08/28/22(Sun)17:12:21 No.884679141 >enter public toilet >sit down on a toilet >the seat is warm >the warmth feels pleasant on my butt >but it means someone else has just used it truly a double edged sword

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Anon sciences | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous lonization energy Electron affinity character tallic character Nonmetalle BER Atomic radius 110 KB PNG 1 Reply 08/28/22(Sun)14:36:50 No.69996656 >calls a metal an element >it's made of electricity, "neutrons" and "protons" Science has become such a joke. : Anonymous >>69996656 (OP) # >place a block of iron in water >does not dissolve View Thread 08/28/22(Sun)14:40:09 No.69996705 >but mash it's atoms together with chlorine""'"'* and suddenly it's a "salt" that can dissolve explain this, chemtards
: Anonymous lonization energy Electron affinity character tallic character Nonmetalle BER Atomic radius 110 KB PNG 1 Reply 08/28/22(Sun)14:36:50 No.69996656 >calls a metal an element >it's made of electricity, "neutrons" and "protons" Science has become such a joke. : Anonymous >>69996656 (OP) # >place a block of iron in water >does not dissolve View Thread 08/28/22(Sun)14:40:09 No.69996705 >but mash it's atoms together with chlorine""'"'* and suddenly it's a "salt" that can dissolve explain this, chemtards

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Anon is strict on thotery | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 625 KB JPG 9 Replies / 2 Images : Anonymous 105 KB JPG 10/07/20(Wed)19:33:41 >So Anon, where are you taking me out for dinner? No.60367964 View Thread 10/07/20(Wed)19:41:04 No.60368052 >>60367964 (OP) # right beside that chapel where we could marry first
: Anonymous 625 KB JPG 9 Replies / 2 Images : Anonymous 105 KB JPG 10/07/20(Wed)19:33:41 >So Anon, where are you taking me out for dinner? No.60367964 View Thread 10/07/20(Wed)19:41:04 No.60368052 >>60367964 (OP) # right beside that chapel where we could marry first

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anon thinks chris chan escaped | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous CHRIS ESCAPED 08/24/22(Wed)09:16:43 No.610011409 >See Chris-chan trending on twitter 2 KB JPG >Apparently he went to his trial >Went to the bathroom in the court 5 minutes before trial >F------ climbed out the window in the bathroom and ran away >Police are searching for him but can't f------ find him >Been missing for 5 hours How does that fat f--- run so fast?
: Anonymous CHRIS ESCAPED 08/24/22(Wed)09:16:43 No.610011409 >See Chris-chan trending on twitter 2 KB JPG >Apparently he went to his trial >Went to the bathroom in the court 5 minutes before trial >F------ climbed out the window in the bathroom and ran away >Police are searching for him but can't f------ find him >Been missing for 5 hours How does that fat f--- run so fast?

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anon does a little trolling | /r/Greentext

Anonymous Lobster 594 KB JPG 08/24/22(Wed)17:39:12 No.884477957 >Be me >FBI raids my house >GotchaBitch.jpg >Steal my computer >Find file marked "Bomb plot" >Dozens of files inside >Open vid file marked "Loadout" >Blue lobster playing classical music at 140 db >Clutches ears in pain >This goes on until a file marked "Bomb" >Picture of a pipebomb and recipe >Take me to court with only this >Open in court >File has mutated into vid of Tyler the Creator screaming "SIKE" >Blue lobster earrapes court >Autistic Mwuhaha-ing >Have still images of previous file >"Read the ingredients" >It's a lobster recipe >mfw
Anonymous Lobster 594 KB JPG 08/24/22(Wed)17:39:12 No.884477957 >Be me >FBI raids my house >GotchaBitch.jpg >Steal my computer >Find file marked "Bomb plot" >Dozens of files inside >Open vid file marked "Loadout" >Blue lobster playing classical music at 140 db >Clutches ears in pain >This goes on until a file marked "Bomb" >Picture of a pipebomb and recipe >Take me to court with only this >Open in court >File has mutated into vid of Tyler the Creator screaming "SIKE" >Blue lobster earrapes court >Autistic Mwuhaha-ing >Have still images of previous file >"Read the ingredients" >It's a lobster recipe >mfw

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Anon goes to a party | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 11/23/11(Wed)03:46 No.10063353 >Be 16 >Girl I've known since we were like 4 is having a party >Had been taking these pills post-operation >They cause me to be constipated >F--- it >Go to this party >Friend forfuckingever is flirting up a storm >Sorta brush it off as sloppiness >Party winding down >Nowhere to sleep >"Oh, just come with me" >Ugh, fine >F--- the t--- right off her >Be farting every hump, she's half-passed out anyways.. no worries >Start to worry >Fall asleep back to back, completely naked >Wake up to RANCID smell >Oh god no >Take out cell phone >Look over, I had the green-apple splatters all over her back and fine linens >Whatthefuckdoldo.avi >Take s--- in hands, smear between her ass-cheeks >Leave note saying "You shat yourself, so I left".. dont know why >Put clothes on, RUN out door and walk home >Dont hear from her >2 weeks later she killed herself. Anonymous 11/23/11 (Wed)03:49 No.10063371 >>10063353 ahahahahahahahahahahsfbgbomgimdying
Anonymous 11/23/11(Wed)03:46 No.10063353 >Be 16 >Girl I've known since we were like 4 is having a party >Had been taking these pills post-operation >They cause me to be constipated >F--- it >Go to this party >Friend forfuckingever is flirting up a storm >Sorta brush it off as sloppiness >Party winding down >Nowhere to sleep >"Oh, just come with me" >Ugh, fine >F--- the t--- right off her >Be farting every hump, she's half-passed out anyways.. no worries >Start to worry >Fall asleep back to back, completely naked >Wake up to RANCID smell >Oh god no >Take out cell phone >Look over, I had the green-apple splatters all over her back and fine linens >Whatthefuckdoldo.avi >Take s--- in hands, smear between her ass-cheeks >Leave note saying "You shat yourself, so I left".. dont know why >Put clothes on, RUN out door and walk home >Dont hear from her >2 weeks later she killed herself. Anonymous 11/23/11 (Wed)03:49 No.10063371 >>10063353 ahahahahahahahahahahsfbgbomgimdying

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Anon sees the future | /r/Greentext

>Be me, old f----- >Year 2080 >Grandkids come in >"Grandad look at this funny meme" >Proceeds to show me a glowing tesseract that sucks me in and makes me feel like I've just been imprisoned in a nightmarish hellscape for 10,000 years >falling through an endless tunnel of razorblades >bleeding out of every orifice >Ohgodmakeitstop >Ear-splitting noise and red light flashes before my eyes >I snap back to reality covered in sweat and vomit on the floor >"How funny is that Grandad Imaooo" >Mfw
>Be me, old f----- >Year 2080 >Grandkids come in >"Grandad look at this funny meme" >Proceeds to show me a glowing tesseract that sucks me in and makes me feel like I've just been imprisoned in a nightmarish hellscape for 10,000 years >falling through an endless tunnel of razorblades >bleeding out of every orifice >Ohgodmakeitstop >Ear-splitting noise and red light flashes before my eyes >I snap back to reality covered in sweat and vomit on the floor >"How funny is that Grandad Imaooo" >Mfw

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Anon wants a gf | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 29 KB PNG 01/09/17(Mon) 20:06:00 No.78200281 How do I get an Italian MILF gf? >>78200328 # >>78200334 # Anonymous 01/09/17(Mon) 20:07:52 No.78200328 >>78200281 # Just keep posting frogs I'm sure things will work out 89
: Anonymous 29 KB PNG 01/09/17(Mon) 20:06:00 No.78200281 How do I get an Italian MILF gf? >>78200328 # >>78200334 # Anonymous 01/09/17(Mon) 20:07:52 No.78200328 >>78200281 # Just keep posting frogs I'm sure things will work out 89

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