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Alieanon gets hit by a Tesla | /r/Greentext

>be me >traveling to Earth to annihilate the human race >see earth >fire up the death ray >too late 19 KB JPG >get hit by a f------ tesla roadster traveling at f------ mach speed playing david bowie >completely destroys my ship and kills my entire crew >mfw
>be me >traveling to Earth to annihilate the human race >see earth >fire up the death ray >too late 19 KB JPG >get hit by a f------ tesla roadster traveling at f------ mach speed playing david bowie >completely destroys my ship and kills my entire crew >mfw

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Anon realizes that Gen Z is doomed | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous (ID: CYaRgWDp 07/28/17(Fri)08:3 >>135275894 >>135276090 >>135276165 >>135277069 >>135278 >>135286564 >>135286951 >>135289136 >>135289396 >>135290 >Brother is a history teacher for kids in 5th grade >Told me he brought up 9/11 to his class >Said kids went instantly insane >They didn't know it was real >One kid said he thought it was just a meme
O Anonymous (ID: CYaRgWDp 07/28/17(Fri)08:3 >>135275894 >>135276090 >>135276165 >>135277069 >>135278 >>135286564 >>135286951 >>135289136 >>135289396 >>135290 >Brother is a history teacher for kids in 5th grade >Told me he brought up 9/11 to his class >Said kids went instantly insane >They didn't know it was real >One kid said he thought it was just a meme

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Anon is cursed | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/01/22(Fri)21:36:59 No.68028373 sad chad pepe.jpg 40 KB JPG >5'11 >white >150lbs >not ugly >decent jaw line >decent brow ridge why would God give me the tools to be a chad and then curse me with autism?
: Anonymous 04/01/22(Fri)21:36:59 No.68028373 sad chad pepe.jpg 40 KB JPG >5'11 >white >150lbs >not ugly >decent jaw line >decent brow ridge why would God give me the tools to be a chad and then curse me with autism?

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Anon changes his views | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous a 04/01/22(Fri)10:36:01 No.68021479 >girl I go to work with went to refill my water bottle (without me asking) because she noticed that I drank it all I no longer hate women 256 КВ PNG : Anonymous 04/01/22(Fri)10:37:19 No.68021488 : Anonymous 04/01/22(Fri)10:40:07 No.68021512 >>68021528 # : Anonymous a 04/01/22(Fri)10:41:41 No.68021528 >>68022220 # : Anonymous 04/01/22(Fri)10:42:59 No.68021541 >streamer that I watch thanks me for watching her I no longer hate women 40 KВ ЈPG
: Anonymous a 04/01/22(Fri)10:36:01 No.68021479 >girl I go to work with went to refill my water bottle (without me asking) because she noticed that I drank it all I no longer hate women 256 КВ PNG : Anonymous 04/01/22(Fri)10:37:19 No.68021488 : Anonymous 04/01/22(Fri)10:40:07 No.68021512 >>68021528 # : Anonymous a 04/01/22(Fri)10:41:41 No.68021528 >>68022220 # : Anonymous 04/01/22(Fri)10:42:59 No.68021541 >streamer that I watch thanks me for watching her I no longer hate women 40 KВ ЈPG

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Anon gets head | /r/Greentext

| Anonymous 08/17/18(Fri)11:37:47 No.777410410 got a bj from a friend while she was pissing >be us 18-19ish >we go to a party together >getting a good buzz on talking with friends >tell her i gotta piss ill be back >wait anon im coming with you i gotta go too >okay.jpg >we get to washroom and lock door >i go first while shes waiting and kind of watching >okay your turn >i wash my hands as she sits and starts peeing >i look over and its hot as f--- hearing her pee and seeing her sitting on the toilet >i walk over and just kind of pull it out >she instantly takes it and blows me till i shoot my load down her throat >go back to party one and only time anything ever happened with us.
| Anonymous 08/17/18(Fri)11:37:47 No.777410410 got a bj from a friend while she was pissing >be us 18-19ish >we go to a party together >getting a good buzz on talking with friends >tell her i gotta piss ill be back >wait anon im coming with you i gotta go too >okay.jpg >we get to washroom and lock door >i go first while shes waiting and kind of watching >okay your turn >i wash my hands as she sits and starts peeing >i look over and its hot as f--- hearing her pee and seeing her sitting on the toilet >i walk over and just kind of pull it out >she instantly takes it and blows me till i shoot my load down her throat >go back to party one and only time anything ever happened with us.

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robot has an epiphany | /r/Greentext

2h (4/1 6:26) · 68019090 13 Re · 1 Img · PNG · 89KB · (600 × 538) 6 Replies Guys... I don't think sex cures depression
2h (4/1 6:26) · 68019090 13 Re · 1 Img · PNG · 89KB · (600 × 538) 6 Replies Guys... I don't think sex cures depression

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Anon shits | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/19/19(Thu)10:31:39 No.54480871 >be in public bathroom >it's empty >l can finally take a dump >go to one of the stalls and start cranking a fat s--- out of my ass >turd is 90% out of my a------ 125 KB JPG before the bathroom door bursts open >l hear punching and grunting >I look under my stall and see 2 pairs of feet >they are beating the s--- out of each other >suddenly hear a mirror shatter and hear one of the guys fall to the ground >bathroom is silent except for heavy breathing >feel my turd disconnecting from the mainland >f--- no f--- no f--- no >turd plops into water >echos >heavy breathing stops
: Anonymous 09/19/19(Thu)10:31:39 No.54480871 >be in public bathroom >it's empty >l can finally take a dump >go to one of the stalls and start cranking a fat s--- out of my ass >turd is 90% out of my a------ 125 KB JPG before the bathroom door bursts open >l hear punching and grunting >I look under my stall and see 2 pairs of feet >they are beating the s--- out of each other >suddenly hear a mirror shatter and hear one of the guys fall to the ground >bathroom is silent except for heavy breathing >feel my turd disconnecting from the mainland >f--- no f--- no f--- no >turd plops into water >echos >heavy breathing stops

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Anon Cheats | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: IvuvM+54) share your cheating stories with us /b/ Anonymous (ID IvuvM+54) 04/24/13(Wed)02:57:26 No.475140273 self bump Anonymous (ID: h/6K8b3b) 04/24/13(Wed)02:59 52 No 475140708 >Be 16 >Sit between best mate and his girl in Algebra >She's 9/10 easily >all three good friends >Test day >Mid-test get up to go to the restroom >As I am leaving I wink at girl >Little while later she leaves the class >Said she had to go to the restroom aswell >Take her by the hand >Lead her to Men's room >Go into back stall >"what did you get for number 6?" Never cheated before until this
Anonymous (ID: IvuvM+54) share your cheating stories with us /b/ Anonymous (ID IvuvM+54) 04/24/13(Wed)02:57:26 No.475140273 self bump Anonymous (ID: h/6K8b3b) 04/24/13(Wed)02:59 52 No 475140708 >Be 16 >Sit between best mate and his girl in Algebra >She's 9/10 easily >all three good friends >Test day >Mid-test get up to go to the restroom >As I am leaving I wink at girl >Little while later she leaves the class >Said she had to go to the restroom aswell >Take her by the hand >Lead her to Men's room >Go into back stall >"what did you get for number 6?" Never cheated before until this

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It's just a prank bro | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: 3/Ea54yl) 08/19/13(Mon)17:21:01 No.500877118 >>500875189 (OP) # >Be senior in highschool >Want to pull senior prank with buddy >Head to senior parking lot night before school >Put an orange traffic cone in the middle of a parking spot and fill it with quick set cement >Think: Hahaaha this will be funny when the teachers cant move the cone lolol >Friend and I head home for the night. >Now I wasnt there to see it, but apparently this happened: Cue next morning and students are arriving for school. >Senior dushbag in his dad's 100,000USD Audi come flying into the parking lot. >Dbag tells friends to watch him "drift" around the cone >Dbag completely f---- up and slams into cone at 45 ish mph >Me and my friend's carpool gets there about 5 - 8 minutes after this >Parts of the Audi all over the parking lot, bumper is destroyed, the engine is smoking, and rear driver side tire is flat >Friend and I just keep walking past the crying kid >swear to secrecy >MFW Highschool was so long ago I dont give a f---
Anonymous (ID: 3/Ea54yl) 08/19/13(Mon)17:21:01 No.500877118 >>500875189 (OP) # >Be senior in highschool >Want to pull senior prank with buddy >Head to senior parking lot night before school >Put an orange traffic cone in the middle of a parking spot and fill it with quick set cement >Think: Hahaaha this will be funny when the teachers cant move the cone lolol >Friend and I head home for the night. >Now I wasnt there to see it, but apparently this happened: Cue next morning and students are arriving for school. >Senior dushbag in his dad's 100,000USD Audi come flying into the parking lot. >Dbag tells friends to watch him "drift" around the cone >Dbag completely f---- up and slams into cone at 45 ish mph >Me and my friend's carpool gets there about 5 - 8 minutes after this >Parts of the Audi all over the parking lot, bumper is destroyed, the engine is smoking, and rear driver side tire is flat >Friend and I just keep walking past the crying kid >swear to secrecy >MFW Highschool was so long ago I dont give a f---

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Anon hates flag earth memes | /r/Greentext

| Anonymous (ID: EBkj4uoV 01/24/21(Sun)02:33:20 No.30475727 >>304756844 (OP) # I have been doing breathing exercises for weeks. Meditation and thoughtfulness as well obviously. I'm building up my psychic powers and focusing my chakras. When that one anon who spams the flat Earth memes in humor threads starts posting here, I plan to track him down through the astral plane and kill him with my mind. >>304758927 # >>304760779 # >>304761341 # >>304762102 # >>304762245 # >>304762284 # >>304762643 # >>304762706 # >>304763021 # >>304763066 # >>304763103 # >>304763337 # >>304763517 # >>304764137 # >>304764323 # >>304765116 # >>304765216 # >>304765334 # >>304765359 # >>304765534 # >>304766176 # >>304766257 # >>304766522 #
| Anonymous (ID: EBkj4uoV 01/24/21(Sun)02:33:20 No.30475727 >>304756844 (OP) # I have been doing breathing exercises for weeks. Meditation and thoughtfulness as well obviously. I'm building up my psychic powers and focusing my chakras. When that one anon who spams the flat Earth memes in humor threads starts posting here, I plan to track him down through the astral plane and kill him with my mind. >>304758927 # >>304760779 # >>304761341 # >>304762102 # >>304762245 # >>304762284 # >>304762643 # >>304762706 # >>304763021 # >>304763066 # >>304763103 # >>304763337 # >>304763517 # >>304764137 # >>304764323 # >>304765116 # >>304765216 # >>304765334 # >>304765359 # >>304765534 # >>304766176 # >>304766257 # >>304766522 #

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anon roasts | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 02/18/15(Wed)03:12:19 No.598927615 >>598927815 >>598927926 >>598929305 File: 1412379029099.jpg (60 KB, 604x453) don't be to rude thanks- AA Anonymous 02/18/15(Wed)03:14:02 No.598927926 >>598929028 >>598929097 >>598929134 >>59 >>598927615 Hey Kimmy. I like your new glasses. Hi, Tiffany. The curls are looking sweet. "Sup, Dra'nakyuek, Destroyer of Worlds. Congrats on stomping that village yesterday.
Anonymous 02/18/15(Wed)03:12:19 No.598927615 >>598927815 >>598927926 >>598929305 File: 1412379029099.jpg (60 KB, 604x453) don't be to rude thanks- AA Anonymous 02/18/15(Wed)03:14:02 No.598927926 >>598929028 >>598929097 >>598929134 >>59 >>598927615 Hey Kimmy. I like your new glasses. Hi, Tiffany. The curls are looking sweet. "Sup, Dra'nakyuek, Destroyer of Worlds. Congrats on stomping that village yesterday.

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Anon didn't have sexual relations with a watermelon | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: GKaNVGpd ) 02/26/14(Wed)21:05:52 UTC-8 >be 20 >heard you can f--- watermelons >buys personal watermelon >cuts a round hole >starts f------ watermelon >took like 40mins >not much better than fapping >felt shame >buried melon in a shallow grave >come summer time melons grew in the backyard >family eats them >"you don't want any melon anon?" >no Never had watermelon since
Anonymous (ID: GKaNVGpd ) 02/26/14(Wed)21:05:52 UTC-8 >be 20 >heard you can f--- watermelons >buys personal watermelon >cuts a round hole >starts f------ watermelon >took like 40mins >not much better than fapping >felt shame >buried melon in a shallow grave >come summer time melons grew in the backyard >family eats them >"you don't want any melon anon?" >no Never had watermelon since

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Anon fights against crime | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 04/01/22(Fri)09:57:43 No.875478819 >Вe me >Middle School >Skinny as f--- kid who likes to draw >Get bullied a lot for it >One jock is extra hard on me >Same height but he is made out of muscle. >Makes my life hell >Scared for Life 34 КВ ЈPG >Decade later >Be Graphic Designer >Still skinny >Still like to Draw >Decide to look up Jock on Facebook >Still jacked up >Multiple pictures of him with cash. >He constantly spells money as "Mooonay" >One pictures shows a s----- skull tattoo on his wrist >Decide to turn my life around >Start going to the local gym >Work out intensively >Starting to gain some weight >After a while I get on the same muscle level as Jock >Its time for Revenge >Buy a Gun >Buy a Ski Mask >Henna draw the same stupid skull on my wrists. >Rob a Liqueur store, only communicating with a sticky note "Give me all your Monay" >Make sure that the clerk sees my tattoo >Get the money, leave the note on the ground 2 weeks later he got arrested. Turns out he was on parole for hitting his GF
Anonymous 04/01/22(Fri)09:57:43 No.875478819 >Вe me >Middle School >Skinny as f--- kid who likes to draw >Get bullied a lot for it >One jock is extra hard on me >Same height but he is made out of muscle. >Makes my life hell >Scared for Life 34 КВ ЈPG >Decade later >Be Graphic Designer >Still skinny >Still like to Draw >Decide to look up Jock on Facebook >Still jacked up >Multiple pictures of him with cash. >He constantly spells money as "Mooonay" >One pictures shows a s----- skull tattoo on his wrist >Decide to turn my life around >Start going to the local gym >Work out intensively >Starting to gain some weight >After a while I get on the same muscle level as Jock >Its time for Revenge >Buy a Gun >Buy a Ski Mask >Henna draw the same stupid skull on my wrists. >Rob a Liqueur store, only communicating with a sticky note "Give me all your Monay" >Make sure that the clerk sees my tattoo >Get the money, leave the note on the ground 2 weeks later he got arrested. Turns out he was on parole for hitting his GF

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Anon is smart | /r/Greentext

>be 32 >be neuroscientist working on transferring consciousness to a computer >Newton is my idol >l sit under an apple tree to think all day 958 KB JPG >one day an apple falls from the tree and lands on a sapling >then it hits me. I know how to achieve singularity >I test my theory on rats first >s--- works >sell roborats to children to continue funding >I try it on monkeys as well >its funny to watch them wonder why they have no feces to throw >research progresses to the point where we can test it on humans >l volunteer to be the first human trial >coworkers build me a robot body >They begin downloading my consciousness >me.txt >the transfer was a success but they didn't give me a robot penis >tumblr will find a label for me >my robot brain is much better at solving problems and I am able to advance scientific progression tenfold >people start to envy my knowledge and immortality >rich people pay to have the procedure done while poor people can't afford it >the wealth gap grows exponentially >l foresee an inevitable war >build a spaceship with nuclear fusion reactor so I can ditch this sorry ass planet >l travel space and meet many forms of intelligent life >eventually I discover the key to true immortality beyond that of my robot body >I complete the process, but when I gaze into the eternal horizon, I think only of my childhood when everything was full of wonder >in that moment my only goal became reproducing the world that had sparked my fascination >l settle on a planet like earth and spend a week using nuclear fusion to reproduce the land and the oceans and genetic coding to recreate life >l create another apple tree to sit under so that I can ponder my existence >my memories of childhood seem to be all I can think about >finally I create a man and a woman to remind me of my innocence >that innocence is precious to me so l give them the one condition that they stay away from my apple tree >mfw that bitch didn't listen
>be 32 >be neuroscientist working on transferring consciousness to a computer >Newton is my idol >l sit under an apple tree to think all day 958 KB JPG >one day an apple falls from the tree and lands on a sapling >then it hits me. I know how to achieve singularity >I test my theory on rats first >s--- works >sell roborats to children to continue funding >I try it on monkeys as well >its funny to watch them wonder why they have no feces to throw >research progresses to the point where we can test it on humans >l volunteer to be the first human trial >coworkers build me a robot body >They begin downloading my consciousness >me.txt >the transfer was a success but they didn't give me a robot penis >tumblr will find a label for me >my robot brain is much better at solving problems and I am able to advance scientific progression tenfold >people start to envy my knowledge and immortality >rich people pay to have the procedure done while poor people can't afford it >the wealth gap grows exponentially >l foresee an inevitable war >build a spaceship with nuclear fusion reactor so I can ditch this sorry ass planet >l travel space and meet many forms of intelligent life >eventually I discover the key to true immortality beyond that of my robot body >I complete the process, but when I gaze into the eternal horizon, I think only of my childhood when everything was full of wonder >in that moment my only goal became reproducing the world that had sparked my fascination >l settle on a planet like earth and spend a week using nuclear fusion to reproduce the land and the oceans and genetic coding to recreate life >l create another apple tree to sit under so that I can ponder my existence >my memories of childhood seem to be all I can think about >finally I create a man and a woman to remind me of my innocence >that innocence is precious to me so l give them the one condition that they stay away from my apple tree >mfw that bitch didn't listen

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Anon knows about French Sudan | /r/Greentext

Flag of French_Sudan (1958-1959).svg.png 2 KB PNG Post Amazing historical flags. This is the flag of French Sudan I would love to be in the room when this flag was created. 'Pierre, what kind of flag should we pick?" "Honhonhon Gaston, we will pick le French Flag and add le niggur"
Flag of French_Sudan (1958-1959).svg.png 2 KB PNG Post Amazing historical flags. This is the flag of French Sudan I would love to be in the room when this flag was created. 'Pierre, what kind of flag should we pick?" "Honhonhon Gaston, we will pick le French Flag and add le niggur"

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Anon wants his friends back | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous D 03/29/22(Tue)21:14:37 No.162144264 >there were initially no raccoons in Japan >in 1977 there was an anime about a raccoon >Japanese housewives thought they were cute and imported thousands of them as pets 237 KB JPG >raccoons don't make good pets, so most were released >these raccoons did incredibly well, multiplying rapidly >now raccoons are an invasive species here, devastating local biosystems and driving native species to extinction Have stupid housewives ruined anything in your country? : Anonymous [P] 03/29/22(Tue)21:15:56 No.162144301 Come home, frens.
: Anonymous D 03/29/22(Tue)21:14:37 No.162144264 >there were initially no raccoons in Japan >in 1977 there was an anime about a raccoon >Japanese housewives thought they were cute and imported thousands of them as pets 237 KB JPG >raccoons don't make good pets, so most were released >these raccoons did incredibly well, multiplying rapidly >now raccoons are an invasive species here, devastating local biosystems and driving native species to extinction Have stupid housewives ruined anything in your country? : Anonymous [P] 03/29/22(Tue)21:15:56 No.162144301 Come home, frens.

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Anon has no money. | /r/Greentext


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Anon plays a prank | /r/Greentext


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Anon speaks the truth | /r/Greentext


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Anon learns a language | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/01/22(Fri)09:54:47 No.68021201 >ghosting lovebombing gaslighting ghostlighting benching breadcrumbing submarining zombieing mooning orbiting catfishing caspering cricketing cushioning fauxbaeing haunting hoovering marleying mosting roaching sidebarring slowfading stashing tuning why tf do i need to learn another language 9 KB JPG just to date? i think i'd rather learn japanese : Anonymous 04/01/22(Fri)10:02:26 No.68021250 >>68021201 (OP) # >benching there's your problem f-----, you dont even f------ lift 459 KB GIF
: Anonymous 04/01/22(Fri)09:54:47 No.68021201 >ghosting lovebombing gaslighting ghostlighting benching breadcrumbing submarining zombieing mooning orbiting catfishing caspering cricketing cushioning fauxbaeing haunting hoovering marleying mosting roaching sidebarring slowfading stashing tuning why tf do i need to learn another language 9 KB JPG just to date? i think i'd rather learn japanese : Anonymous 04/01/22(Fri)10:02:26 No.68021250 >>68021201 (OP) # >benching there's your problem f-----, you dont even f------ lift 459 KB GIF

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