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Anon becomes a father | /r/Greentext

1h (3/19 0:12) · 67842257 9 Re · 6 Img · PNG · 385KB · (647 × 630) 3 Replies >jacking off and don't grab tissues in time >jizzes on the floor and it hits wolf spider >it scurries away and i don't know where it went >days later i see it again while cleaning >hit it with broom >hundreds of baby spiders scurry away from the mother's back f--- f--- f--- f--- am i a dad /r9k/ i can't take care of them, what do i do??? 1h (3/19 0:13) ·67842265 1 Reply Eat them, free protein •.. •..
1h (3/19 0:12) · 67842257 9 Re · 6 Img · PNG · 385KB · (647 × 630) 3 Replies >jacking off and don't grab tissues in time >jizzes on the floor and it hits wolf spider >it scurries away and i don't know where it went >days later i see it again while cleaning >hit it with broom >hundreds of baby spiders scurry away from the mother's back f--- f--- f--- f--- am i a dad /r9k/ i can't take care of them, what do i do??? 1h (3/19 0:13) ·67842265 1 Reply Eat them, free protein •.. •..

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Anon brings her boyfriend home | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/05/19(Tue)08:20:16 No.794209193 >Your daughter brings home her asian boyfriend for the first time How do you react to her being a race traitor? 79 KB JPG 8 Replies / 1 Image View Thread : Anonymous 03/05/19(Tue)08:23:52 No.794209336 I'm fine with it. Smart, high earners : Anonymous 03/05/19(Tue)08:26:06 No.794209415 I'm ok with it. No n----- at least.
: Anonymous 03/05/19(Tue)08:20:16 No.794209193 >Your daughter brings home her asian boyfriend for the first time How do you react to her being a race traitor? 79 KB JPG 8 Replies / 1 Image View Thread : Anonymous 03/05/19(Tue)08:23:52 No.794209336 I'm fine with it. Smart, high earners : Anonymous 03/05/19(Tue)08:26:06 No.794209415 I'm ok with it. No n----- at least.

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Cyberpunk 2077 in 1 greentext | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 12/13/20(Sun)14:56:08 No.536046118 >>536045734 (OP) >Spend whole budget on Keanu and penisgen >Forget to actually make a game Oops
O Anonymous 12/13/20(Sun)14:56:08 No.536046118 >>536045734 (OP) >Spend whole budget on Keanu and penisgen >Forget to actually make a game Oops

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anon has the best taste of food | /r/Greentext


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Anon works at GameStop | /r/Greentext

| Anonymous 03/19/22(Sat)08:14:23 No.874709186 Never trust women bots >be me, wagecuck manager at a GameStop >small town, basically dead all day >last week a 8/10 girl walked in to buy Elden Ring >literally the most beautiful girl in 28 KB JPG probably the whole town. >visibly not wearing a bra, can totally see down her tank top if you tried >she mentioned she does some streaming, l'm in love >she pays with a $100 bill she pulled from her boobs, it was damp with sweat >try to keep my cool, after she leaves I exchanged some of my cash for the $100 she gave me. take it to the bathroom and rub it all over my face, came loads thinking about where it had been later that night. >ffw one week, herpes outbreak on my face
| Anonymous 03/19/22(Sat)08:14:23 No.874709186 Never trust women bots >be me, wagecuck manager at a GameStop >small town, basically dead all day >last week a 8/10 girl walked in to buy Elden Ring >literally the most beautiful girl in 28 KB JPG probably the whole town. >visibly not wearing a bra, can totally see down her tank top if you tried >she mentioned she does some streaming, l'm in love >she pays with a $100 bill she pulled from her boobs, it was damp with sweat >try to keep my cool, after she leaves I exchanged some of my cash for the $100 she gave me. take it to the bathroom and rub it all over my face, came loads thinking about where it had been later that night. >ffw one week, herpes outbreak on my face

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Anon gets caught | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/19/22(Sat)09:34:13 No.67844456 >Be 13-14 year old me >Had been caught watching p--- a couple weeks ago >Cousins family comes over >I hide in my room all day because f-- >Aunt and mom get drunk as f--- 86 KB PNG and my mom tells everyone she caught me watching p--- >Cousin comes downstairs and knocks on my door and comes inside >hey anon, your mom told me you watch p---. Thats ok, I watch p--- sometimes too What did she mean by this? Who says something like that? Was she trying to f--- and I just dumbassed my way out of losing my virginity? Pic unrelated. Its not her. 8 Replies View Thread
: Anonymous 03/19/22(Sat)09:34:13 No.67844456 >Be 13-14 year old me >Had been caught watching p--- a couple weeks ago >Cousins family comes over >I hide in my room all day because f-- >Aunt and mom get drunk as f--- 86 KB PNG and my mom tells everyone she caught me watching p--- >Cousin comes downstairs and knocks on my door and comes inside >hey anon, your mom told me you watch p---. Thats ok, I watch p--- sometimes too What did she mean by this? Who says something like that? Was she trying to f--- and I just dumbassed my way out of losing my virginity? Pic unrelated. Its not her. 8 Replies View Thread

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Anon runs errands | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/18/22(Fri)12:53:42 No.24920520 Friendly reminder to develop hobbies and goals outside of transitioning for a well rounded life and personal development! 642 KB PNG : Anonymous 03/18/22(Fri)12:59:06 No.24920583 I bought my first bag of heroin yesterday gonna use it after I finish getting fired today life is not going well frens. >>24920670 # >>24920674 # >>24920687 # >>24920830 # >>24920839 # >>24921016 #
: Anonymous 03/18/22(Fri)12:53:42 No.24920520 Friendly reminder to develop hobbies and goals outside of transitioning for a well rounded life and personal development! 642 KB PNG : Anonymous 03/18/22(Fri)12:59:06 No.24920583 I bought my first bag of heroin yesterday gonna use it after I finish getting fired today life is not going well frens. >>24920670 # >>24920674 # >>24920687 # >>24920830 # >>24920839 # >>24921016 #

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Anon does something unspeakable | /r/Greentext

>be me >take dog to park >Dog finds dogette >Owner of dogette is hot af >Talk with owner of dogette >She asked me if i wanted to come to her place 188 KB PNG >ok.png >Go to her home >very cool place she has >She said she has to go to bathroom >omg its time for my first time >wait behind door >She opens it >stab her with knife i have from kitchen >She dead. >F--- dogette
>be me >take dog to park >Dog finds dogette >Owner of dogette is hot af >Talk with owner of dogette >She asked me if i wanted to come to her place 188 KB PNG >ok.png >Go to her home >very cool place she has >She said she has to go to bathroom >omg its time for my first time >wait behind door >She opens it >stab her with knife i have from kitchen >She dead. >F--- dogette

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Anon was learning about dinosaurs | /r/Greentext

>be 12 >get weird feelings for girl >cant describe it >tell her how i feel >she feels same way >we go to reccess >we hide in back of playground >she tells me to take my pants off >lol wut >ask her why >tells me to trust her >i comply and take pants off >standing naked >breeze feels good >she moves her head toward my junk >success >my first ever b------- >d--- like a toothpick but idgaf >recess is over >learn about dinosaurs >they're pretty cool >go home >tell mom about recess >she flips the f--- out >tells my dad >ive made a huge mistake >mom calls cops >cop comes to school >my teacher was arrested >i miss mrs. johnson
>be 12 >get weird feelings for girl >cant describe it >tell her how i feel >she feels same way >we go to reccess >we hide in back of playground >she tells me to take my pants off >lol wut >ask her why >tells me to trust her >i comply and take pants off >standing naked >breeze feels good >she moves her head toward my junk >success >my first ever b------- >d--- like a toothpick but idgaf >recess is over >learn about dinosaurs >they're pretty cool >go home >tell mom about recess >she flips the f--- out >tells my dad >ive made a huge mistake >mom calls cops >cop comes to school >my teacher was arrested >i miss mrs. johnson

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Anon has standards | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/19/22(Sat)06:11:19 No.874704585 Why are females like this? >be me IMLANCE >EMT >get a call, some eastern european roastie is drunk/intoxicated/under 68 KB JPG the influence >get inside the house, be greeted by her beta husband >she is naked, legs apart, sat on a chair >6/10, wouldnt f--- >keep calm, professional, ask her to put her clothes >she doesnt >assess the patient, vital signs normal >take her to the ambulance, cover her with an isothermal blanket we get to the hospital >this bitch tells the hospital staff that "we stripped her off her clothes and touched her (inapropriately)" >police investigation ensues, get called to court We eventually got cleared of all charges, because it was obvious that this bitch was lying and was drunk, but the fact that a female holds this much f------ power that a lie could destroy your life is beyond me. F--- women.
: Anonymous 03/19/22(Sat)06:11:19 No.874704585 Why are females like this? >be me IMLANCE >EMT >get a call, some eastern european roastie is drunk/intoxicated/under 68 KB JPG the influence >get inside the house, be greeted by her beta husband >she is naked, legs apart, sat on a chair >6/10, wouldnt f--- >keep calm, professional, ask her to put her clothes >she doesnt >assess the patient, vital signs normal >take her to the ambulance, cover her with an isothermal blanket we get to the hospital >this bitch tells the hospital staff that "we stripped her off her clothes and touched her (inapropriately)" >police investigation ensues, get called to court We eventually got cleared of all charges, because it was obvious that this bitch was lying and was drunk, but the fact that a female holds this much f------ power that a lie could destroy your life is beyond me. F--- women.

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Canada is good | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/21/19(Sun)19:14:12 No.797925939 is canada peak country status? >free healthcare >low crime rate >basically US but with less n------ and hillbillies 9 KB JPG >good education system >beautiful landscapes >everyone is polite View Thread
: Anonymous 04/21/19(Sun)19:14:12 No.797925939 is canada peak country status? >free healthcare >low crime rate >basically US but with less n------ and hillbillies 9 KB JPG >good education system >beautiful landscapes >everyone is polite View Thread

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anon needs help | /r/Greentext

06/24/19(Mon) 14:33:56 No.53056693 : Anonymous Help AnOns >be me >chad face manlet >meet a girl on vidya >she really likes me >we start edating >find out we live close >she asks how tall I am I say 5'8 44 KB JPG >she is 5'6 I'm actually 5'5 and she is coming over today what the f--- do I do HELP ANONS : Anonymous 06/24/19(Mon)14:34:58 No.53056699 Ok listen to me. You have dyslexia and misread your height on the ruler >>53056712 # >>53057080 #
06/24/19(Mon) 14:33:56 No.53056693 : Anonymous Help AnOns >be me >chad face manlet >meet a girl on vidya >she really likes me >we start edating >find out we live close >she asks how tall I am I say 5'8 44 KB JPG >she is 5'6 I'm actually 5'5 and she is coming over today what the f--- do I do HELP ANONS : Anonymous 06/24/19(Mon)14:34:58 No.53056699 Ok listen to me. You have dyslexia and misread your height on the ruler >>53056712 # >>53057080 #

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Anon likes Pepsi | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/23/19(Sat)14:54:36 No.795694829 >be me, cat >sleeping from long day of being a cat >feel something cold on my head >wake up >w-- >owner standing there laughing like a retard while recording me >look up 73 KB JPG >can of coke on my had >tfw i like pepsi more >mfw no pepsi 1 Reply View Thread : Anonymous 03/23/19(Sat)14:56:35 No.795694917 >>795694829 (OP) # That's actually a pretty cute post. Too good for this site.
: Anonymous 03/23/19(Sat)14:54:36 No.795694829 >be me, cat >sleeping from long day of being a cat >feel something cold on my head >wake up >w-- >owner standing there laughing like a retard while recording me >look up 73 KB JPG >can of coke on my had >tfw i like pepsi more >mfw no pepsi 1 Reply View Thread : Anonymous 03/23/19(Sat)14:56:35 No.795694917 >>795694829 (OP) # That's actually a pretty cute post. Too good for this site.

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Anon works at a cafe | /r/Greentext

File: tom cruise.jpg (69 KB, 1148x1200) Anonymous 10/30/18(Tue)17:04:08 No.783664687 [Reply] >be me >latino >have rather pale skin >work at cafe >no white employees at time >some white guy places an order, seems a bit uncomfortable >when I go give him his coffee, he suddenly smiles >"nice to see there's at least one proper american working here. brownies won't erase us" >mfw he slides me $50 to pocket
File: tom cruise.jpg (69 KB, 1148x1200) Anonymous 10/30/18(Tue)17:04:08 No.783664687 [Reply] >be me >latino >have rather pale skin >work at cafe >no white employees at time >some white guy places an order, seems a bit uncomfortable >when I go give him his coffee, he suddenly smiles >"nice to see there's at least one proper american working here. brownies won't erase us" >mfw he slides me $50 to pocket

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Top ten Anime plot twists | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 09/01/18(Sat)21:19:22 No.778771716 >be me >it's 1AM >have to pee >like, really bad >get out of bed and waddle to bathroom, half-asleep >start peeing, still half-asleep 155 KB JPG >God it feels so good >look down >completely missed the toilet bowl, p----- all over the floor >ohshit.png >mom saw everything cause i left the door open >OHSHIT.png >wake up >itwasalladream.exe >wait, bed feels weird >mfw i p----- and s--- myself
Anonymous 09/01/18(Sat)21:19:22 No.778771716 >be me >it's 1AM >have to pee >like, really bad >get out of bed and waddle to bathroom, half-asleep >start peeing, still half-asleep 155 KB JPG >God it feels so good >look down >completely missed the toilet bowl, p----- all over the floor >ohshit.png >mom saw everything cause i left the door open >OHSHIT.png >wake up >itwasalladream.exe >wait, bed feels weird >mfw i p----- and s--- myself

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Anon makes a deal with the devil | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/07/21(Thu)18:24:40 No.65674198 >run into weird satanic witchcraft cringe dude on insta >instead of calling him an idiot and getting blocked I try to have fun with it >tell him to use his "powers" to get my coworker to fall in love with me 31 KB JPG >"ok" >asks me to DM him photos of her >no word for a few days >kinda just forget about >2 days ago finally DMs me "done" >yesterday coworker was acting really really chummy with me >texted me today asking if I'm doing anything on Saturday to go on a date >get scared realizing I've very possibly made an actual deal with satan >whathaveidone Guys.. God knows I was just trolling right? Il'm not gonna be cast to hell for this right? I didn't think this was real but also my coworker is really hot so I don't want to just ignore her.
: Anonymous 10/07/21(Thu)18:24:40 No.65674198 >run into weird satanic witchcraft cringe dude on insta >instead of calling him an idiot and getting blocked I try to have fun with it >tell him to use his "powers" to get my coworker to fall in love with me 31 KB JPG >"ok" >asks me to DM him photos of her >no word for a few days >kinda just forget about >2 days ago finally DMs me "done" >yesterday coworker was acting really really chummy with me >texted me today asking if I'm doing anything on Saturday to go on a date >get scared realizing I've very possibly made an actual deal with satan >whathaveidone Guys.. God knows I was just trolling right? Il'm not gonna be cast to hell for this right? I didn't think this was real but also my coworker is really hot so I don't want to just ignore her.

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Anon is a tank | /r/Greentext

File: yzioqw78i5181.jpg (398 KB, 1080x803) Anonymous 03/18/22(Fri)07:37:10 No.874646158 [Reply] >Be me >Be Russian tank >Use glorious autoloader to make myself smaller than fat burger capitalist pig tank >Put autoloader right below the turret >lt uses a carousel that stores the shells there >Laugh in borsch because nobody could hit me in the hypothetical full-scale war that never happened >Fast forward to today >Ukraine invasion >Use tanks with glorious autoloader >Ukraine receives weapon shipments from NATO countries >Ukraine now has smart weapons with targeting systems >Even a complete retard can now fire a missile that is going to hit my precious Stalinium shell >My tiny size has become useless >Missile strikes my turret or detonates closely to it, I don't know, my crew is a bunch of 17 year old retards that have been trained on CS:GO >All the shells stored underneath my turret detonate >My turret gets blown off and the detonation kills my crew >mfw Anonymous 03/18/22(Eri)07:39:42 No.874646229
File: yzioqw78i5181.jpg (398 KB, 1080x803) Anonymous 03/18/22(Fri)07:37:10 No.874646158 [Reply] >Be me >Be Russian tank >Use glorious autoloader to make myself smaller than fat burger capitalist pig tank >Put autoloader right below the turret >lt uses a carousel that stores the shells there >Laugh in borsch because nobody could hit me in the hypothetical full-scale war that never happened >Fast forward to today >Ukraine invasion >Use tanks with glorious autoloader >Ukraine receives weapon shipments from NATO countries >Ukraine now has smart weapons with targeting systems >Even a complete retard can now fire a missile that is going to hit my precious Stalinium shell >My tiny size has become useless >Missile strikes my turret or detonates closely to it, I don't know, my crew is a bunch of 17 year old retards that have been trained on CS:GO >All the shells stored underneath my turret detonate >My turret gets blown off and the detonation kills my crew >mfw Anonymous 03/18/22(Eri)07:39:42 No.874646229

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Anon goes to prom | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/01/22(Tue)13:40:25 No.67614369 >Senior year of high school >In the months leading up to graduation, people have been going around asking if students were going to prom and if so, how many people 1.01 MB PNG they'd bring >This is because there was a pre-prom dinner with family members and faculty and s--- >Don't give a f--- about prom, just want to stay home and play TF2, so I tell them l'm not coming and l'm bringing no one >Months pass, it's prom night >Mom and grandma ask me why I'm not dressed for prom >Tell them I'm not going >They start bitching and wailing, trying to guilt-trip me into going >Finally, I crack because of this assault >Grab a blazer and put it over my clothes >Go to the school >Get in line for the dinner thing, the student with the guest book asks me my name >Not in the guest book (obviously) >They make me sit with a few teachers and janitors, among them the math teacher (was failing math) >Most awkward 3 hours of my life ensue >Mostly just people talking s--- about me as if I wasn't there >Food was crap >Had to go take pictures afterwards >See my one friend there with his family >lgnores me completely >Take some cringeworthy photos with family members >They berate me all the way back home because | didn't want to go to the actual prom, which was just in a warehouse >Sister goes and gets blackout drunk, ends up getting pregnant >They say it's all my fault since I wasn't there to "protect" her
: Anonymous 03/01/22(Tue)13:40:25 No.67614369 >Senior year of high school >In the months leading up to graduation, people have been going around asking if students were going to prom and if so, how many people 1.01 MB PNG they'd bring >This is because there was a pre-prom dinner with family members and faculty and s--- >Don't give a f--- about prom, just want to stay home and play TF2, so I tell them l'm not coming and l'm bringing no one >Months pass, it's prom night >Mom and grandma ask me why I'm not dressed for prom >Tell them I'm not going >They start bitching and wailing, trying to guilt-trip me into going >Finally, I crack because of this assault >Grab a blazer and put it over my clothes >Go to the school >Get in line for the dinner thing, the student with the guest book asks me my name >Not in the guest book (obviously) >They make me sit with a few teachers and janitors, among them the math teacher (was failing math) >Most awkward 3 hours of my life ensue >Mostly just people talking s--- about me as if I wasn't there >Food was crap >Had to go take pictures afterwards >See my one friend there with his family >lgnores me completely >Take some cringeworthy photos with family members >They berate me all the way back home because | didn't want to go to the actual prom, which was just in a warehouse >Sister goes and gets blackout drunk, ends up getting pregnant >They say it's all my fault since I wasn't there to "protect" her

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(Allegedly) Ukrainian anon worry about his countrywomen's well-beings in Poland | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: bpokgw07 03/17/22(Thu)17:17:29 No.367727078 Can I kindly ask our polish neighbor NOT to f--- our girls? There are thousands of 16-28yr girls heading your way, and they are NOT a p---- supply for you, they have husbends and boyfriends. The last thing we want while we fight off a ruskie is some drunk polish scum anals our 2 KB PNG girls. So I ask you for some nobility and dignity on your site, DON'T DO IT, don't f--- our women, polak.
: Anonymous (ID: bpokgw07 03/17/22(Thu)17:17:29 No.367727078 Can I kindly ask our polish neighbor NOT to f--- our girls? There are thousands of 16-28yr girls heading your way, and they are NOT a p---- supply for you, they have husbends and boyfriends. The last thing we want while we fight off a ruskie is some drunk polish scum anals our 2 KB PNG girls. So I ask you for some nobility and dignity on your site, DON'T DO IT, don't f--- our women, polak.

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Anon posts on reddit | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Best trip ever 09/24/18(Mon)13:02:20 No.48316602 >be me 17yr old >in italy with my art class >so hot you melt on the pavement >genius teacher decides to make us climb a goddamn vulcano >a 3 hours walk >right before we start my shoelaces decides to f--- with each other 997 KB PNG >smash myself so hard on the ground like the little s--- i am >ithurt.jpg >start to bleed a s--- ton from my knee >ohfuck.jpg >bitch teacher sees this and think im not capable to climb the f------ vulcano from hell >hell no im doing this >start to climb and teacher still bitching around >tell me i can't do it and makes fun of me >still bleeding and in lot of pain >one hour later the guide stops us >say that the teacher is slowing us down >mfw she has to leave >mfw when i make it to the top
: Anonymous Best trip ever 09/24/18(Mon)13:02:20 No.48316602 >be me 17yr old >in italy with my art class >so hot you melt on the pavement >genius teacher decides to make us climb a goddamn vulcano >a 3 hours walk >right before we start my shoelaces decides to f--- with each other 997 KB PNG >smash myself so hard on the ground like the little s--- i am >ithurt.jpg >start to bleed a s--- ton from my knee >ohfuck.jpg >bitch teacher sees this and think im not capable to climb the f------ vulcano from hell >hell no im doing this >start to climb and teacher still bitching around >tell me i can't do it and makes fun of me >still bleeding and in lot of pain >one hour later the guide stops us >say that the teacher is slowing us down >mfw she has to leave >mfw when i make it to the top

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