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Anon plays halo | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/24/18(Sun)11:35:05 No.772459253 >be me, cringy 14 yo in 2008 with only 1 friend >friend comes to my house for the first time >excitment.jpg >super nervous about f------ it 620 KB PNG up >ask if she likes singing >wtfiswrongwithme.jpg >quickly change subject and ask if she wants to play some Halo with me >she agrees >we play for play 15 min before she asks why I asked if she likes singing >ohfuckohfuck >tell her I like to sing a lot >she tells me to sing something >l don't really know any songs >just watched shrek so I start singing I'm a believer >she really thinks it's funny >ididsomethingcool.jpg >start singing it over and over >she tells me to stop singing I'm a believer >tfw I laughed and thought she was kidding >and then I saw her face
: Anonymous 06/24/18(Sun)11:35:05 No.772459253 >be me, cringy 14 yo in 2008 with only 1 friend >friend comes to my house for the first time >excitment.jpg >super nervous about f------ it 620 KB PNG up >ask if she likes singing >wtfiswrongwithme.jpg >quickly change subject and ask if she wants to play some Halo with me >she agrees >we play for play 15 min before she asks why I asked if she likes singing >ohfuckohfuck >tell her I like to sing a lot >she tells me to sing something >l don't really know any songs >just watched shrek so I start singing I'm a believer >she really thinks it's funny >ididsomethingcool.jpg >start singing it over and over >she tells me to stop singing I'm a believer >tfw I laughed and thought she was kidding >and then I saw her face

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Anon has a deadly deck | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/06/18(Wed)18:17:01 No.770809163 >be me >live in rural neighbourhood in Canada >Dad installs deck with nice clear glass windows >so clear that birds don't see it and crash into it, wake up each morning 75 KB JPG to see dead birds all over deck >wake up one morning to find 5 dead birds on my deck, one dead one being eaten by neighbors cat MFW my house's deck has a 50+ killstreak
: Anonymous 06/06/18(Wed)18:17:01 No.770809163 >be me >live in rural neighbourhood in Canada >Dad installs deck with nice clear glass windows >so clear that birds don't see it and crash into it, wake up each morning 75 KB JPG to see dead birds all over deck >wake up one morning to find 5 dead birds on my deck, one dead one being eaten by neighbors cat MFW my house's deck has a 50+ killstreak

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Anon almost get smoked | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/02/18(Mon)06:35:05 No.773181048 Whats the closest you have ever come to death /b ? >be me >in iraq >start smoking a pipe because f--- it im probably going to die 4 KB JPG anyways. >one day on patrol in some s----- village >over 100 degrees, towlheads everywhere screaming at eachother and trying to sell s--- >you know just a normal day >decide to sit down for a drink and a smoke because im in full gear and it is like a trillion degrees >sit down and light up pic related >sitting down for maybe a minute, take a few puffs >bowl explodes as its in my mouth >a f------ sniper shot my pipe >the bullet travelled 3 inches from my face >everyone scatters for cover as usual >to this day I dont know if the sniper missed or if he was trying to just f--- with me.
: Anonymous 07/02/18(Mon)06:35:05 No.773181048 Whats the closest you have ever come to death /b ? >be me >in iraq >start smoking a pipe because f--- it im probably going to die 4 KB JPG anyways. >one day on patrol in some s----- village >over 100 degrees, towlheads everywhere screaming at eachother and trying to sell s--- >you know just a normal day >decide to sit down for a drink and a smoke because im in full gear and it is like a trillion degrees >sit down and light up pic related >sitting down for maybe a minute, take a few puffs >bowl explodes as its in my mouth >a f------ sniper shot my pipe >the bullet travelled 3 inches from my face >everyone scatters for cover as usual >to this day I dont know if the sniper missed or if he was trying to just f--- with me.

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Anon is responsible for getting his McDonald’s robbed | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/25/18(Sun)21:21:30 No.763800520 The story of how I accidentally caused my work to be robbed >be 22 in 2014 and working at McShithole part-time while going to school >hate my job but about to graduate with a degree to do 19 KB JPG something with my life >hate my job for many reasons, with one being I worked with f------ idiots >worked with one idiot named Nick who was too stupid even for McShithole >dude can't even microwave breakfast burritos correctly >find out Nick has been seeing this Russian girl and is totally obsessed with her >Nick found out he will soon be a father >ask him if he has a goat >what.gif >lie and tell Nick that it's a Russian family tradition that he has to have a goat >making s--- up as I go to test how stupid one person can be >"Nick, are you seriously going to f------ look her dad in the eyes, and tell him you do not own a single goat?" >Nick gets nervous >show him how expensive goats can be with food and all the necessary things he has to prepare for >tell Nick that he can get welfare for the baby but not the goat >"Nick, you're going to have to come up with some money soon. You might have to start working some doubles" >a few nights later, working the overnight shift >someone knocks on the door to the back entrance >another idiot coworker opens the door without checking assuming it's someone who walked out for a smoke break >a masked man with a gun bursts in >quickly realize by the man's size and voice that it's Nick >"Nick, if you walk away right now, we won't say anything. Don't do this." >Nick replies, "shut the f--- up! It ain't me!" >call the police as soon as he leaves >mfw when my bullshitting caused a guy to go to jail : Anonymous 03/25/18(Sun)21:23:38 No.763800732 >>763800520 (OP) # 10/10 if real KE 1400 E 37 KB JPG : Anonymous 03/25/18(Sun)21:30:21 No.763801373 6600 Proof from local news site
: Anonymous 03/25/18(Sun)21:21:30 No.763800520 The story of how I accidentally caused my work to be robbed >be 22 in 2014 and working at McShithole part-time while going to school >hate my job but about to graduate with a degree to do 19 KB JPG something with my life >hate my job for many reasons, with one being I worked with f------ idiots >worked with one idiot named Nick who was too stupid even for McShithole >dude can't even microwave breakfast burritos correctly >find out Nick has been seeing this Russian girl and is totally obsessed with her >Nick found out he will soon be a father >ask him if he has a goat >what.gif >lie and tell Nick that it's a Russian family tradition that he has to have a goat >making s--- up as I go to test how stupid one person can be >"Nick, are you seriously going to f------ look her dad in the eyes, and tell him you do not own a single goat?" >Nick gets nervous >show him how expensive goats can be with food and all the necessary things he has to prepare for >tell Nick that he can get welfare for the baby but not the goat >"Nick, you're going to have to come up with some money soon. You might have to start working some doubles" >a few nights later, working the overnight shift >someone knocks on the door to the back entrance >another idiot coworker opens the door without checking assuming it's someone who walked out for a smoke break >a masked man with a gun bursts in >quickly realize by the man's size and voice that it's Nick >"Nick, if you walk away right now, we won't say anything. Don't do this." >Nick replies, "shut the f--- up! It ain't me!" >call the police as soon as he leaves >mfw when my bullshitting caused a guy to go to jail : Anonymous 03/25/18(Sun)21:23:38 No.763800732 >>763800520 (OP) # 10/10 if real KE 1400 E 37 KB JPG : Anonymous 03/25/18(Sun)21:30:21 No.763801373 6600 Proof from local news site

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HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANK | /r/Greentext

НАААААААNK.png 936 КВ PNG НААААААААААААААAANK НАААААААААААAАААAAAAAAAAAAAANK GET THE SWEET AND SOUR SAUCE НААААААААААAANK THE SWEET AND SOUR NOT BARBEQUE НААААААААААААААAААААААААAAAAAАAAAA
НАААААААNK.png 936 КВ PNG НААААААААААААААAANK НАААААААААААAАААAAAAAAAAAAAANK GET THE SWEET AND SOUR SAUCE НААААААААААAANK THE SWEET AND SOUR NOT BARBEQUE НААААААААААААААAААААААААAAAAAАAAAA

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Anon demands explanations | /r/Greentext

03/09/22(Wed)20:33:22 No.67720479 : Anonymous 화끈 한매운맛! 화끈 한매운맛! ACO uldak maxresdefault (12).jpg| 212 KB JPG >A f--- ton of gorillion Ukrainians are dying right now >Somehow this thing is still alive Dear christians, if there is god then explain this.
03/09/22(Wed)20:33:22 No.67720479 : Anonymous 화끈 한매운맛! 화끈 한매운맛! ACO uldak maxresdefault (12).jpg| 212 KB JPG >A f--- ton of gorillion Ukrainians are dying right now >Somehow this thing is still alive Dear christians, if there is god then explain this.

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Anon makes a friend | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/08/19(Tue)12:30:34 No.789444903 >be me 3 years ago >16 years old >Not many friends. >Feel alone as hell, see everyone partying and s--- and I'm sitting around at home. >Classmate at school talking about going out for a drive with friends. 38 KB JPG >Looks at me >"Hey anon! Your a funny dude, how about you join us" >Heart skips a beat, this is all I have ever wanted. >We go out eat some chipolte, go too Walmart and f--- around there. Buy like 15 king sized kit Kats for s---- n giggles. >Finally they dropped me off at home >I hate home, mom is terrible. >Obvious frown >Friendo looks at me "hey... we'll see you around anon. You fit right in. >Smiled and nodded >Walked inside room and cried happiness cry.
: Anonymous 01/08/19(Tue)12:30:34 No.789444903 >be me 3 years ago >16 years old >Not many friends. >Feel alone as hell, see everyone partying and s--- and I'm sitting around at home. >Classmate at school talking about going out for a drive with friends. 38 KB JPG >Looks at me >"Hey anon! Your a funny dude, how about you join us" >Heart skips a beat, this is all I have ever wanted. >We go out eat some chipolte, go too Walmart and f--- around there. Buy like 15 king sized kit Kats for s---- n giggles. >Finally they dropped me off at home >I hate home, mom is terrible. >Obvious frown >Friendo looks at me "hey... we'll see you around anon. You fit right in. >Smiled and nodded >Walked inside room and cried happiness cry.

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kid's going places | /r/Greentext

File: iceberg.jpg (35 KB, 804x526) O Anonymous 05/31/18(Thu)09:53:16 No.770192823 >be me, a dad >showing my 7 year old son compilation of bizarre danny devito scenes from always sunny >get to the one with frank in a hospital gown >frank spins around and you see his gross ass and he says, "really lets your ass breathe" >son says, "your butt can breathe?" >i say, "Oh ya. It is difficult but you can breathe out of your butt." >my wife glares at me but laughs >son laughs but asks if I'm being serious, i say yes while cracking up >fast forward to later and I'm brushing my teeth in the bathroom >look over at bath tub and see son's ass in the air, but his head is under water >kid is drowning himself while trying to breathe out of his a------
File: iceberg.jpg (35 KB, 804x526) O Anonymous 05/31/18(Thu)09:53:16 No.770192823 >be me, a dad >showing my 7 year old son compilation of bizarre danny devito scenes from always sunny >get to the one with frank in a hospital gown >frank spins around and you see his gross ass and he says, "really lets your ass breathe" >son says, "your butt can breathe?" >i say, "Oh ya. It is difficult but you can breathe out of your butt." >my wife glares at me but laughs >son laughs but asks if I'm being serious, i say yes while cracking up >fast forward to later and I'm brushing my teeth in the bathroom >look over at bath tub and see son's ass in the air, but his head is under water >kid is drowning himself while trying to breathe out of his a------

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Anon can't take it anymore | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/09/22(Wed)17:03:37 No.874116109 >l have to spend $200/mo on gas to get to work >$1600 on rent >$220-$230 on bills >$150 on groceries >$82 for my phone bill >$75 for internet >that's $2327 >l make 2500-2600/mo working my ass off 50- 108 KB JPG 60hrs a week >l can't find a great paying job because they have thousands of applicants >l can't find a cheaper apartment >even if I could I can't save enough because by the time I do rent will have gone up >l can't afford to move to another state, city, country >I can't afford if something happens to my car >l can't even afford the parts to fix it myself >l can't afford health care >l don't qualify for it through the state because l makfe too much >i can't even afford to buy a gun to kill myself with I'm seriously consider living out of my car just so I can move to Germany or something this country is f-----.
: Anonymous 03/09/22(Wed)17:03:37 No.874116109 >l have to spend $200/mo on gas to get to work >$1600 on rent >$220-$230 on bills >$150 on groceries >$82 for my phone bill >$75 for internet >that's $2327 >l make 2500-2600/mo working my ass off 50- 108 KB JPG 60hrs a week >l can't find a great paying job because they have thousands of applicants >l can't find a cheaper apartment >even if I could I can't save enough because by the time I do rent will have gone up >l can't afford to move to another state, city, country >I can't afford if something happens to my car >l can't even afford the parts to fix it myself >l can't afford health care >l don't qualify for it through the state because l makfe too much >i can't even afford to buy a gun to kill myself with I'm seriously consider living out of my car just so I can move to Germany or something this country is f-----.

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Anon is sad | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/09/22(Wed)20:34:41 No.164900302 My GF cheated on me with one of my best friends My dog died yesterday Recommend me some comfy kino. Thanks 162 KB JPG : Anonymous 03/09/22(Wed)20:37:43 No.164900421 you didn't have to kill your dog just because your gf f----- it >>164900465 # >>164900516 # >>164900558 #
: Anonymous 03/09/22(Wed)20:34:41 No.164900302 My GF cheated on me with one of my best friends My dog died yesterday Recommend me some comfy kino. Thanks 162 KB JPG : Anonymous 03/09/22(Wed)20:37:43 No.164900421 you didn't have to kill your dog just because your gf f----- it >>164900465 # >>164900516 # >>164900558 #

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Anon leaves his house. | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 07/26/21(Mon)17:44:43 No.64723340 >finally get a wagecuck job after years of being a neet >furniture warehouse position where I basically just move mattresses around >work is only like 2-3 hours out of the 8 hour day >most of the time is just all the warehouse guys hanging out 42 KB JPG >get health insurance and am getting dental work done for basically free >have a reason to get up in the morning >get some exercise >customers thank me and I feel like l'm doing something >am actually socializing and got invited to my first adult party at 25 years old today >am actually making some money You guys f------ lied. Being a neet is way worse than this.
Anonymous 07/26/21(Mon)17:44:43 No.64723340 >finally get a wagecuck job after years of being a neet >furniture warehouse position where I basically just move mattresses around >work is only like 2-3 hours out of the 8 hour day >most of the time is just all the warehouse guys hanging out 42 KB JPG >get health insurance and am getting dental work done for basically free >have a reason to get up in the morning >get some exercise >customers thank me and I feel like l'm doing something >am actually socializing and got invited to my first adult party at 25 years old today >am actually making some money You guys f------ lied. Being a neet is way worse than this.

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Anon is in a strange situation | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/18/21(Sat)09:53:11 No.868814404 >dates a girl for 3 months >she's really cool, we have similar interests and sense of humor >finally going to have sex with her >unzip my pants >"What is that thing? What do you 21 KB JPG expect me to do with that?" >w-what? >"It's like a third arm. I don't have room for that." >she leaves my apartment >we text later, says she had an ex that tore her vag with her d--- >apparently, he was "big" but still not as "big" as me (I'm a little over 7 and a half inches, about 6 inches thick) >now she's afraid of large d---- >she apologizes and says we aren't compatible >we agree to break up >feelsbadman >over the next two days, get texts from three of her friends and her cousin (all female) to hookup >feelsbetterman
: Anonymous 12/18/21(Sat)09:53:11 No.868814404 >dates a girl for 3 months >she's really cool, we have similar interests and sense of humor >finally going to have sex with her >unzip my pants >"What is that thing? What do you 21 KB JPG expect me to do with that?" >w-what? >"It's like a third arm. I don't have room for that." >she leaves my apartment >we text later, says she had an ex that tore her vag with her d--- >apparently, he was "big" but still not as "big" as me (I'm a little over 7 and a half inches, about 6 inches thick) >now she's afraid of large d---- >she apologizes and says we aren't compatible >we agree to break up >feelsbadman >over the next two days, get texts from three of her friends and her cousin (all female) to hookup >feelsbetterman

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Anon is a normal person | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/16/21(Tue)22:22:33 No.62367736 >Getting increasingly angry at my fat sister for being fat. >Resent having to sit next to her at things like theaters. >Was subtle for years but now 9 KB JPG telling her she needs to improve her ability to bend down to get things so she can stop crying at me to do it every day or telling her she needs to make sure she can fit in a plane seat when we go on family trips. >Repulsed by her three chins, can't remember the last time I hugged her outside of a funeral. >Hate the fat slur in her voice and her breathing struggles while watching Tv. I should feel like a a------ but I don't.
: Anonymous 02/16/21(Tue)22:22:33 No.62367736 >Getting increasingly angry at my fat sister for being fat. >Resent having to sit next to her at things like theaters. >Was subtle for years but now 9 KB JPG telling her she needs to improve her ability to bend down to get things so she can stop crying at me to do it every day or telling her she needs to make sure she can fit in a plane seat when we go on family trips. >Repulsed by her three chins, can't remember the last time I hugged her outside of a funeral. >Hate the fat slur in her voice and her breathing struggles while watching Tv. I should feel like a a------ but I don't.

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Just a little bit of trolling | /r/Greentext


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Anon got STDs | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/21/21(Sun)01:19:42 No.66236816 >have sex for first time at 22 with attractive woman >hate it, didn't enjoy it at all >lasted several hours until she was too sore to continue >she said she really enjoyed it and wants to do it again 35 KB JPG >go to her bathroom, look at my body in the mirror and feel disgusting what does it mean r9k? is sex evil or just not that big a deal? Is something wrong with me?
: Anonymous 11/21/21(Sun)01:19:42 No.66236816 >have sex for first time at 22 with attractive woman >hate it, didn't enjoy it at all >lasted several hours until she was too sore to continue >she said she really enjoyed it and wants to do it again 35 KB JPG >go to her bathroom, look at my body in the mirror and feel disgusting what does it mean r9k? is sex evil or just not that big a deal? Is something wrong with me?

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Anon doesn’t like plushies | /r/Greentext


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Anon is a Satanist | /r/Greentext

File: 1331529826.jpg-(36 KB, 400x393) Anonymous (ID: CKYX441G) 03/12/12(Mon)01:23:46 No.386385757 [Reply] Ask a Satanist anything. Anonymous (ID: yulJ/kXY) 03/12/12(Mon)01:25:35 No.386386057 How's the 8th grade going?
File: 1331529826.jpg-(36 KB, 400x393) Anonymous (ID: CKYX441G) 03/12/12(Mon)01:23:46 No.386385757 [Reply] Ask a Satanist anything. Anonymous (ID: yulJ/kXY) 03/12/12(Mon)01:25:35 No.386386057 How's the 8th grade going?

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Anon has a dream | /r/Greentext

Board Ir9k/ - ROBOT9001 Settings Mobile Home File: 1619887041098.png (226 KB, 394x397) Anonymous 03/09/22(Wed)09:05:21 No.67711014 [Reply] >>67711599 >have a dream >walking down the street >see a beautiful girl >approach her and say 'hi' >we talk a bit,l tell her my name and last name like James Bond would >she tells me hers >tell her where I work, how much I make >Anon, I like when I am being chased >pull her closer and tell her 'run' >she runs away >I follow her >she runs into her backyard >her mom comes out >'I think you should leave' >tell her I don't know what she is talking about but leave nonetheless >next day at work (still a dream) >colleague tells me that there have been multiple reports on our employees and one of them on me >read the header >recognize the surname >it is her mom >letter proceeds to describe how I sexually assaulted her daughter and how I bring shame to my company and there is a report to police >get suspended until further notice Bros, I suck even in my own dreams >> Anonymous 03/09/22(Wed)09:49:37 No.67711323 >>67711421 Once a loser always a loser
Board Ir9k/ - ROBOT9001 Settings Mobile Home File: 1619887041098.png (226 KB, 394x397) Anonymous 03/09/22(Wed)09:05:21 No.67711014 [Reply] >>67711599 >have a dream >walking down the street >see a beautiful girl >approach her and say 'hi' >we talk a bit,l tell her my name and last name like James Bond would >she tells me hers >tell her where I work, how much I make >Anon, I like when I am being chased >pull her closer and tell her 'run' >she runs away >I follow her >she runs into her backyard >her mom comes out >'I think you should leave' >tell her I don't know what she is talking about but leave nonetheless >next day at work (still a dream) >colleague tells me that there have been multiple reports on our employees and one of them on me >read the header >recognize the surname >it is her mom >letter proceeds to describe how I sexually assaulted her daughter and how I bring shame to my company and there is a report to police >get suspended until further notice Bros, I suck even in my own dreams >> Anonymous 03/09/22(Wed)09:49:37 No.67711323 >>67711421 Once a loser always a loser

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Anon's ex girl | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/28/20(Sat)01:40:34 No.61119312 R---- by girlfriend >get drunk and have sex with girl 2 years ago >that girl eventually becomes my girlfriend >yesterday at a family gathering she says "I actually had to get anon drunk to loosen him up a 141 KB JPG little and make it official" >everyone laughs >it all makes sense now >that day I was really drunk and she was sober >kept handing me drinks and eventually took me to her car and started blowing me I don't mind, honestly, but the fact that everyone laughed it's scary, the double standard. Can you imagine if I would've said that? "Yeah I got her drunk then took her back to my car to f---" CAN YOU IMAGINE? I would've been lynched in the spot. Girls are such hypocrites. My sisters laughed, my female cousins laughed, they said "Yeah anon was too shy, he needed a woman to smack some sense into him" What the f--- is wrong with these w-----, h--------
: Anonymous 11/28/20(Sat)01:40:34 No.61119312 R---- by girlfriend >get drunk and have sex with girl 2 years ago >that girl eventually becomes my girlfriend >yesterday at a family gathering she says "I actually had to get anon drunk to loosen him up a 141 KB JPG little and make it official" >everyone laughs >it all makes sense now >that day I was really drunk and she was sober >kept handing me drinks and eventually took me to her car and started blowing me I don't mind, honestly, but the fact that everyone laughed it's scary, the double standard. Can you imagine if I would've said that? "Yeah I got her drunk then took her back to my car to f---" CAN YOU IMAGINE? I would've been lynched in the spot. Girls are such hypocrites. My sisters laughed, my female cousins laughed, they said "Yeah anon was too shy, he needed a woman to smack some sense into him" What the f--- is wrong with these w-----, h--------

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anon has an idol | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/09/22(Wed)20:53:26 No.67713514 >be in high school >be in "who's your idol?" class activity >"who is your idol anon?" >"Hatsune Miku" >"whoa anon are you weeb?"-some chads behind chuckle 10 KB JPG >teacher turns to class thot >"who is your idol Anette?" >"Ching Bling Ping Pong" or something related to K- pop >all of girls in class start howling like a pack of wolf why do I even live? 10 Replies / 6 Images View Thread : Anonymous 03/09/22(Wed)21:01:12 No.67713589 augusto-pinochet-hero.jpg 88 KB JPG >>67713514 (OP) # >whos your idol >Augusto Pinochet
: Anonymous 03/09/22(Wed)20:53:26 No.67713514 >be in high school >be in "who's your idol?" class activity >"who is your idol anon?" >"Hatsune Miku" >"whoa anon are you weeb?"-some chads behind chuckle 10 KB JPG >teacher turns to class thot >"who is your idol Anette?" >"Ching Bling Ping Pong" or something related to K- pop >all of girls in class start howling like a pack of wolf why do I even live? 10 Replies / 6 Images View Thread : Anonymous 03/09/22(Wed)21:01:12 No.67713589 augusto-pinochet-hero.jpg 88 KB JPG >>67713514 (OP) # >whos your idol >Augusto Pinochet

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