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Anon lives his best life | /r/Greentext

: Minecraft Style 10/15/18(Mon)18:30:03 No.48718323 >be me >20 y/o >lives a happy life >minor inconvenience >commits suicide 26 KB JPG View Thread
: Minecraft Style 10/15/18(Mon)18:30:03 No.48718323 >be me >20 y/o >lives a happy life >minor inconvenience >commits suicide 26 KB JPG View Thread

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Anon earns 90 bucks | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/16/22(Wed)00:28:52 No.872764423 > be me > male, 20 > got asked to catsit > owners are japanese immigrants. They're polite, respectful, good people > owners will be out for 2 days 346 KB JPG > they say theres no problem sleeping in their house if I want to > suspicious.rar > they show me the "cat" > It is their daughter > female, 22 or 23 years old, idk > she is a furry > cat ears, cat tail, meowing, walking on all fours most of the time. She wears knee pads and gloves, to avoid dirt > "f--- this, I'm out" they insist > they will pay me $90 > "ok" > they leave > me and her are alone now > she is staring at me, on the ground. She purrs, and slowly tilts her head > I try to communicate > she meows back > Jesus Christ... > 1st day > she lies on the couch on her back and stares at me >I caress her belly > she purrs > we both watch TV >I order sushi, oddly enough. She eats like a normal person, on a table, using hashi > she also uses the bathroom like a normal person > I didn't want to spoil her fantasy, though > "hey, kitty, want more caressing?" > she nods, and purrs > later, I slept on the couch > 2nd day > the girl wakes me up using her nails > "normal" day overall > me and her sat on the porch, waiting for her parents to come back >I sit on the rocking chair > she sits on the ground, like a cat > a little bird lands near her > cats usually eat birds >I was positive that she wouldn't do that > I didn't want to spoil her fantasy either >I scare the bird away, and the mf leaves > she seems thankful. I pat her head, she kind of grew on me > Her parents seemed immensely thankful for what I did > I kind of liked this whole experience > and earned 90 bucks
: Anonymous 02/16/22(Wed)00:28:52 No.872764423 > be me > male, 20 > got asked to catsit > owners are japanese immigrants. They're polite, respectful, good people > owners will be out for 2 days 346 KB JPG > they say theres no problem sleeping in their house if I want to > suspicious.rar > they show me the "cat" > It is their daughter > female, 22 or 23 years old, idk > she is a furry > cat ears, cat tail, meowing, walking on all fours most of the time. She wears knee pads and gloves, to avoid dirt > "f--- this, I'm out" they insist > they will pay me $90 > "ok" > they leave > me and her are alone now > she is staring at me, on the ground. She purrs, and slowly tilts her head > I try to communicate > she meows back > Jesus Christ... > 1st day > she lies on the couch on her back and stares at me >I caress her belly > she purrs > we both watch TV >I order sushi, oddly enough. She eats like a normal person, on a table, using hashi > she also uses the bathroom like a normal person > I didn't want to spoil her fantasy, though > "hey, kitty, want more caressing?" > she nods, and purrs > later, I slept on the couch > 2nd day > the girl wakes me up using her nails > "normal" day overall > me and her sat on the porch, waiting for her parents to come back >I sit on the rocking chair > she sits on the ground, like a cat > a little bird lands near her > cats usually eat birds >I was positive that she wouldn't do that > I didn't want to spoil her fantasy either >I scare the bird away, and the mf leaves > she seems thankful. I pat her head, she kind of grew on me > Her parents seemed immensely thankful for what I did > I kind of liked this whole experience > and earned 90 bucks

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Anon digs a hole | /r/Greentext

>be slightly retarded >still have social skills and not a complete loser >go to party with friends >don't bring a drop of alc, instead take shovel and pickaxe >begin digging massive hole >by 2am it is 6 feet deep and 7 feet wide >people constantly ask me why I am digging a hole at a party completely sober >l am not sure either
>be slightly retarded >still have social skills and not a complete loser >go to party with friends >don't bring a drop of alc, instead take shovel and pickaxe >begin digging massive hole >by 2am it is 6 feet deep and 7 feet wide >people constantly ask me why I am digging a hole at a party completely sober >l am not sure either

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Anon asks a provocative question | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/24/19(Sun)20:12:58 No.55496843 why don't you just date an attractive woman? >pleasant to look at >sex is better >will make you happier and more confident 58 KB JPG : Anonymous 11/24/19(Sun)20:14:27 No.55496858 Why the f--- didn't I think of this, thanks OP >>55496890 #
: Anonymous 11/24/19(Sun)20:12:58 No.55496843 why don't you just date an attractive woman? >pleasant to look at >sex is better >will make you happier and more confident 58 KB JPG : Anonymous 11/24/19(Sun)20:14:27 No.55496858 Why the f--- didn't I think of this, thanks OP >>55496890 #

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Anon doesn’t think you can park there | /r/Greentext

>laying in bed >hear big car accident >bang_ding_ow.mp3 >poke head out window >crumpled demolished car on side of road 8 KB JPG >man Is in hysterics over his bloodied unresponsive wife >car is on double yellow lines >"you can't park there sir" >hehe >go back to floor bed
>laying in bed >hear big car accident >bang_ding_ow.mp3 >poke head out window >crumpled demolished car on side of road 8 KB JPG >man Is in hysterics over his bloodied unresponsive wife >car is on double yellow lines >"you can't park there sir" >hehe >go back to floor bed

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Anon goes on discord | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/15/22(Tue)17:29:30 No.872749644 >be in discord server >join minecraft vc >"I AIN'T EATING UR SUSSY STEW BRUH GET AWAY FROM ME" >leave minecraft vc 13 KB PNG
: Anonymous 02/15/22(Tue)17:29:30 No.872749644 >be in discord server >join minecraft vc >"I AIN'T EATING UR SUSSY STEW BRUH GET AWAY FROM ME" >leave minecraft vc 13 KB PNG

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Anon got falsely accused. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/16/22(Wed)01:15:28 No.872755011 >be me >early twenties, senior year of college >when I was a freshman I hooked up with a crazy girl >she falsely accused me of r--- and made sure the whole school knew my 7 KB JPG name >case obviously dismissed in court >people still think I did it and she never retracts anything >cant get dates or even friends, most miserable four years of my life >finally final semester I meet a 7/10 cutie in class >we talk and hit it off very well >after a few weeks I ask her out and she says for sure, we agree on a day the week after because she was busy that week >all throughout we keep talking >day of date >l prepare things to cook us a meal and everything >spend three hours cleaning the house >an hour before she's supposed to arrive (she has a car and I don't) I find that she blocked me >on everything >wtfwtfwtf.gif >cry about it >next time I see her in class >"anon my friends told me you r---- someone I never wanna talk to you again" >walks away to other side of classroom >mfw
: Anonymous 02/16/22(Wed)01:15:28 No.872755011 >be me >early twenties, senior year of college >when I was a freshman I hooked up with a crazy girl >she falsely accused me of r--- and made sure the whole school knew my 7 KB JPG name >case obviously dismissed in court >people still think I did it and she never retracts anything >cant get dates or even friends, most miserable four years of my life >finally final semester I meet a 7/10 cutie in class >we talk and hit it off very well >after a few weeks I ask her out and she says for sure, we agree on a day the week after because she was busy that week >all throughout we keep talking >day of date >l prepare things to cook us a meal and everything >spend three hours cleaning the house >an hour before she's supposed to arrive (she has a car and I don't) I find that she blocked me >on everything >wtfwtfwtf.gif >cry about it >next time I see her in class >"anon my friends told me you r---- someone I never wanna talk to you again" >walks away to other side of classroom >mfw

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congratulations alvin | /r/Greentext

wed hi my name is Alvin I am 11 years old I really like among us and memes and I have seen a lot of funny 4chan stories on reddit. I wrote this song about Among us for you guys I hope it's funny and please share other cool stuff with me thanks 17 KB JPG > oh yea when the imposster is sussy >I do your mom in the p---- > sussy sussy sussy > your fat moms p---- > if you are sus > you ride the short bus
wed hi my name is Alvin I am 11 years old I really like among us and memes and I have seen a lot of funny 4chan stories on reddit. I wrote this song about Among us for you guys I hope it's funny and please share other cool stuff with me thanks 17 KB JPG > oh yea when the imposster is sussy >I do your mom in the p---- > sussy sussy sussy > your fat moms p---- > if you are sus > you ride the short bus

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Anon help other Anon | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 02/14/22(Mon)16:00:40 No.25862973 725 KB JPG How much money would it cost to not look ugly? Should I get plastic surgery? Anonymous 02/14/22(Mon)16:02:24 No.25862981 $0. You look great man.
Anonymous 02/14/22(Mon)16:00:40 No.25862973 725 KB JPG How much money would it cost to not look ugly? Should I get plastic surgery? Anonymous 02/14/22(Mon)16:02:24 No.25862981 $0. You look great man.

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Anon played Runescape | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/01/18(Tue)12:45:11 No.45061331 I went around on Runescape back in 2006 in full black armour typing "..." in red. I thought it made me mysterious. %3D 5 KB JPG >>45063047 #
: Anonymous 05/01/18(Tue)12:45:11 No.45061331 I went around on Runescape back in 2006 in full black armour typing "..." in red. I thought it made me mysterious. %3D 5 KB JPG >>45063047 #

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Anon hates women. | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 02/15/22(Tue)13:12:33 No.67438783 >Be me 3 years ago >In history class >Going to professor's desk >One girl accidentaly elbows me in my stomach >Before looking at me she says "sorry" >Then she looks at me, she 9 KB PNG makes a disgust face and says "ew, i'm not sorry" Since that day I f------ hate women.
Anonymous 02/15/22(Tue)13:12:33 No.67438783 >Be me 3 years ago >In history class >Going to professor's desk >One girl accidentaly elbows me in my stomach >Before looking at me she says "sorry" >Then she looks at me, she 9 KB PNG makes a disgust face and says "ew, i'm not sorry" Since that day I f------ hate women.

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Anon is serbian | /r/Greentext

1E Anonymous #97360819 : 12.11 18:16:10 JPEG 480x366 18 KB >Live in serbia >having a heart attack >call an ambulance >operator is asking for my security number to make sure my medical insurance is valid before sending help >get mugged and stabbed >call the police >"Are there any witnesses?" >"No" >they hung up >fire bursts in my home >call firefighters >firefighters take 2 hours to come >they had to stop by to eat God bless Serbia 3 REPLIES
1E Anonymous #97360819 : 12.11 18:16:10 JPEG 480x366 18 KB >Live in serbia >having a heart attack >call an ambulance >operator is asking for my security number to make sure my medical insurance is valid before sending help >get mugged and stabbed >call the police >"Are there any witnesses?" >"No" >they hung up >fire bursts in my home >call firefighters >firefighters take 2 hours to come >they had to stop by to eat God bless Serbia 3 REPLIES

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Anon has a hypothesis | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/07/22(Fri)02:27:53 No.2289218 >flush toilet Gurgling Tollet after Tlushing >slow flush >after a few seconds large and audible air bubbles come up (usually one or two) >get septic tank drained >toilet flushes fine for about a week 16 KB JPG >back to the same problem Plunging and snaking did nothing. The vent pipe appears to be clear too. What could be causing this and what would I need to fix it? : Anonymous 01/07/22(Fri)03:14:07 No.2289230 >>2289218 (OP) # there may be a fish in your toilet going glub glub and that is why you're toilet is bubbling 29 KB JPG
: Anonymous 01/07/22(Fri)02:27:53 No.2289218 >flush toilet Gurgling Tollet after Tlushing >slow flush >after a few seconds large and audible air bubbles come up (usually one or two) >get septic tank drained >toilet flushes fine for about a week 16 KB JPG >back to the same problem Plunging and snaking did nothing. The vent pipe appears to be clear too. What could be causing this and what would I need to fix it? : Anonymous 01/07/22(Fri)03:14:07 No.2289230 >>2289218 (OP) # there may be a fish in your toilet going glub glub and that is why you're toilet is bubbling 29 KB JPG

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Anon borrows his mom’s vibrator | /r/Greentext

>Be me, 14 year old Anon >Already a degenerate coomer >See some p--- of girls putting vibrators in guys buttholes >I knew my mom had a vibrator, because I was also a big snoop >Brightldea.exe >I f--- myself with my mom's vibrator while I fap >Amazing. Love it. Do it all the time. Never wash it off >My mom starts getting sick. She is sick all the time >she is literally sick for months. I'm afraid she has cancer 64 KB JPG and is dying >Parents don't say anything to me, probably don't want me to worry >l'm finally able to eavesdrop. It turns out that my mom has been having vaginal infections the whole time >They are fecal infections. Her doctor thought she had a tiny rectovaginal fistula that was big enough for poop to leak into her vagina but not big enough to see on a scan. Doctor had never seen it before, but it was the only explanation the doctor could think of >I had to look up rectovaginal fistula. You should too. >l don't say anything. Next time they are out, I scrub the vibrator >The infections stopped >MFW I gave my mom a 5 month vaginal infection
>Be me, 14 year old Anon >Already a degenerate coomer >See some p--- of girls putting vibrators in guys buttholes >I knew my mom had a vibrator, because I was also a big snoop >Brightldea.exe >I f--- myself with my mom's vibrator while I fap >Amazing. Love it. Do it all the time. Never wash it off >My mom starts getting sick. She is sick all the time >she is literally sick for months. I'm afraid she has cancer 64 KB JPG and is dying >Parents don't say anything to me, probably don't want me to worry >l'm finally able to eavesdrop. It turns out that my mom has been having vaginal infections the whole time >They are fecal infections. Her doctor thought she had a tiny rectovaginal fistula that was big enough for poop to leak into her vagina but not big enough to see on a scan. Doctor had never seen it before, but it was the only explanation the doctor could think of >I had to look up rectovaginal fistula. You should too. >l don't say anything. Next time they are out, I scrub the vibrator >The infections stopped >MFW I gave my mom a 5 month vaginal infection

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Anon hates the CCP | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/15/22(Tue)12:40:39 No.872730357 >be marvel >make superhero movie >try to bring it to China >constantly gets rejected >begs on its knees to get an approval >still gets rejected >be DC comics 204 KB JPG >makes new Batman movie >try to bring it to China >gets approved by CCP o first try >??? those f------ bat lovers
: Anonymous 02/15/22(Tue)12:40:39 No.872730357 >be marvel >make superhero movie >try to bring it to China >constantly gets rejected >begs on its knees to get an approval >still gets rejected >be DC comics 204 KB JPG >makes new Batman movie >try to bring it to China >gets approved by CCP o first try >??? those f------ bat lovers

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every day we come closer to god | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/15/19(Tue)23:22:44 NO.811909767 >>811908278 # >be me >l've seen what getting j----- on by a group of people does to a man, is not pretty. >I wasn't a part of it but when I was it 14 KB JPG 12 or 13 I went to a sleep away summer camp and this is like when we were starting to discover p--- and fapping. >Some kid brought some playboys and naked playing cards, s--- like that with him. >Anyway, one kid in our cabin was a huge tool, stole stuff like food and money from other people in our cabin. >So half a dozen kids decided one night to wake up in the middle of the night at like 3 a.m and take turns jacking off in the bathroom, running out before they finished and blowing their load on the kid when he was sleeping. >Literally 6-8 kids did this, all over his face, sheets, upper body, and hands. >One kid also did it in his shoes. >So everyone else wakes up the next morning and we all knew what had happened but this kid couldn't figure out why he was all sticky for like 15 minutes until a counselor forced it out of another kid. >When the kid found out he went absolutely nuts, like certifiably crazy mental breakdown. >He had to leave the camp for psychiatric treatment. >Worst part was after he took a shower and went to leave he stepped in the j--- shoes >Also like 6 of my friends I never saw again because they got kicked out.
: Anonymous 10/15/19(Tue)23:22:44 NO.811909767 >>811908278 # >be me >l've seen what getting j----- on by a group of people does to a man, is not pretty. >I wasn't a part of it but when I was it 14 KB JPG 12 or 13 I went to a sleep away summer camp and this is like when we were starting to discover p--- and fapping. >Some kid brought some playboys and naked playing cards, s--- like that with him. >Anyway, one kid in our cabin was a huge tool, stole stuff like food and money from other people in our cabin. >So half a dozen kids decided one night to wake up in the middle of the night at like 3 a.m and take turns jacking off in the bathroom, running out before they finished and blowing their load on the kid when he was sleeping. >Literally 6-8 kids did this, all over his face, sheets, upper body, and hands. >One kid also did it in his shoes. >So everyone else wakes up the next morning and we all knew what had happened but this kid couldn't figure out why he was all sticky for like 15 minutes until a counselor forced it out of another kid. >When the kid found out he went absolutely nuts, like certifiably crazy mental breakdown. >He had to leave the camp for psychiatric treatment. >Worst part was after he took a shower and went to leave he stepped in the j--- shoes >Also like 6 of my friends I never saw again because they got kicked out.

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anon last wish | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 01/13/22(Thu)15:53:16 No.66971934 ► >>66971951 >>6¢ *beep* *beep* *beep* I wish...I had spent.more time..posting penis size threads..on /r9k/... *beeeeeeeeeееееееееер*
Anonymous 01/13/22(Thu)15:53:16 No.66971934 ► >>66971951 >>6¢ *beep* *beep* *beep* I wish...I had spent.more time..posting penis size threads..on /r9k/... *beeeeeeeeeееееееееер*

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anon watches modern american porn | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 02/15/22(Tue)17:09:13 No.872731556 >watching p--- >guy chokes and slaps the girl very aggressively >she visibly dislikes it >starts crying as the guy facefucks her >guy wipes off her tears with his c--- then using it as lube continues to f--- her ass why is modern day p--- so f----- up? is european p--- different than this crap?
Anonymous 02/15/22(Tue)17:09:13 No.872731556 >watching p--- >guy chokes and slaps the girl very aggressively >she visibly dislikes it >starts crying as the guy facefucks her >guy wipes off her tears with his c--- then using it as lube continues to f--- her ass why is modern day p--- so f----- up? is european p--- different than this crap?

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footballin’ | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: n6ah/acM ) E 01/20/22(Thu)13:09:56 No.357354757 >Be American >Throw ball with hand >Call it football Anyone else sick of these retards? 132 KB JPG 16 Replies View Thread : Anonymous (ID: TrNCczle 01/20/22(Thu)13:20:48 No.357356152 >>357354757 (OP) # Look, europeasant, Jesus Christ called it football and that's good enough for America.
: Anonymous (ID: n6ah/acM ) E 01/20/22(Thu)13:09:56 No.357354757 >Be American >Throw ball with hand >Call it football Anyone else sick of these retards? 132 KB JPG 16 Replies View Thread : Anonymous (ID: TrNCczle 01/20/22(Thu)13:20:48 No.357356152 >>357354757 (OP) # Look, europeasant, Jesus Christ called it football and that's good enough for America.

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Anon meets a superhero | /r/Greentext

File: super scot.png (15 KB, 72x95) O /b/ Anonymous 02/15/22(Tue)04:51:25 No.872709639 [Reply] got a good one for you today /b/ros >be me >straya f--, live around Noarlunga Centre >catch public transport often >there's this tard who also does and walks around the mall often >30 something >wears superman costume with a cowboy hat, ben ten Omnitrix and power ranger sword >local legend, everyone loves him, he gets free bus/train rides >see him often, we're good mates >complements my mums hair meanwhile >stacy at school >popular, everyone except me and my mates thinks she's cool >ffw to last week >people talking about the Noarlunga superman >stacy joins in >"you mean that f------ retard? he's such a f------ loser" >everyone looks like she just killed someone >stacy immediately ousted from all social circles >no one talks to her anymore >everyone stil| loves the superman justice served
File: super scot.png (15 KB, 72x95) O /b/ Anonymous 02/15/22(Tue)04:51:25 No.872709639 [Reply] got a good one for you today /b/ros >be me >straya f--, live around Noarlunga Centre >catch public transport often >there's this tard who also does and walks around the mall often >30 something >wears superman costume with a cowboy hat, ben ten Omnitrix and power ranger sword >local legend, everyone loves him, he gets free bus/train rides >see him often, we're good mates >complements my mums hair meanwhile >stacy at school >popular, everyone except me and my mates thinks she's cool >ffw to last week >people talking about the Noarlunga superman >stacy joins in >"you mean that f------ retard? he's such a f------ loser" >everyone looks like she just killed someone >stacy immediately ousted from all social circles >no one talks to her anymore >everyone stil| loves the superman justice served

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