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Anon is kinda dumb | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Why did they name it blue whal(...) 01/08/22(Sat)01:48:57 No.4030682 1626562413731.jpg 159 KB JPG >Biggest animal on earth >Bigger than any other being that has or will exist >Bigger than all dinosaurs >Bigger than the Megalodon >Instead of being named something like "king whale" or "ultra killer murder whale" it's just named blue whale it's not even that blue
: Anonymous Why did they name it blue whal(...) 01/08/22(Sat)01:48:57 No.4030682 1626562413731.jpg 159 KB JPG >Biggest animal on earth >Bigger than any other being that has or will exist >Bigger than all dinosaurs >Bigger than the Megalodon >Instead of being named something like "king whale" or "ultra killer murder whale" it's just named blue whale it's not even that blue

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anon kills a man | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/17/21(Sun)11:50:00 No.845062302 >be me >at mall >taking s--- in restroom >hear door open >guy goes 'jesus f----' >hear door close 11 KB JPG >hear what sounds like profuse vomiting just outside door >hear someone scream 'call 911!' >scared.png >stay in stall >15 minutes later hear ambulance sirens >hear someone say 'don't you die on me you bastard' >hear 'clear!' And what sounds like shocking >goes on for 5 minutes >hear 'call it, death 2:30 pm' Still in stall
: Anonymous 01/17/21(Sun)11:50:00 No.845062302 >be me >at mall >taking s--- in restroom >hear door open >guy goes 'jesus f----' >hear door close 11 KB JPG >hear what sounds like profuse vomiting just outside door >hear someone scream 'call 911!' >scared.png >stay in stall >15 minutes later hear ambulance sirens >hear someone say 'don't you die on me you bastard' >hear 'clear!' And what sounds like shocking >goes on for 5 minutes >hear 'call it, death 2:30 pm' Still in stall

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He is right | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 08/13/19(Tue)01:30:00 No.53878455 >>53878466 >>53878475 >>53878439 >she if it has a penis it isnt a "she" Anonymous 08/13/19(Tue)01:30:54 No.53878466 File: 410gxVYu08L. _SX425_jpg (21 KB, 425x408) >>53878515 >>53878455 I'm straight so whatever makes my d--- hard is a woman f----- reddit
Anonymous 08/13/19(Tue)01:30:00 No.53878455 >>53878466 >>53878475 >>53878439 >she if it has a penis it isnt a "she" Anonymous 08/13/19(Tue)01:30:54 No.53878466 File: 410gxVYu08L. _SX425_jpg (21 KB, 425x408) >>53878515 >>53878455 I'm straight so whatever makes my d--- hard is a woman f----- reddit

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anon buys a car | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: aVy/Oy25 11/21/21(Sun)15:58:22 No.348798710 >buy new car in illinois >state law says you can return a car to a dealer within 30 days for any reason no questions asked as long as its not damaged, full 100% refund >return car after 29 days >dealer is livid but must accept it by law >come back next day, inquire about the same car >act as if I know absolutely nothing about the events of the previous month >dealer is blurting out features and options through clenched teeth >l'm interested... can you run a car fax for me? >oh this car is used >I'm still interested but not at that price, here's half >sales wagie has to breathe into a paper bag so he doesn't collapse from stress >l buy a new car at half price
: Anonymous (ID: aVy/Oy25 11/21/21(Sun)15:58:22 No.348798710 >buy new car in illinois >state law says you can return a car to a dealer within 30 days for any reason no questions asked as long as its not damaged, full 100% refund >return car after 29 days >dealer is livid but must accept it by law >come back next day, inquire about the same car >act as if I know absolutely nothing about the events of the previous month >dealer is blurting out features and options through clenched teeth >l'm interested... can you run a car fax for me? >oh this car is used >I'm still interested but not at that price, here's half >sales wagie has to breathe into a paper bag so he doesn't collapse from stress >l buy a new car at half price

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Anon is a succesful bussinesman | /r/Greentext


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Anons girl is a bit challenged... | /r/Greentext

No. 870773168 01/16/22(Sun)04:20:46 pepesmalleyes.jpg 8 KB 236x202 >Be me, go on a date with this 7.5/10 big booba chick >We go to a lakeside cafe >A lot of mosquitos around us >l try to kill one with my hands, but she stops me >l ask her w-- is she doing, and she tells me that mosquito lives matter >I look at her like a f------ retard that just jumped out of a mental asylum >She then tells me that all lives matter >So I ask her what about my precious life >Human lives don't matter but mosquitos does >Tell me why should I date women again?
No. 870773168 01/16/22(Sun)04:20:46 pepesmalleyes.jpg 8 KB 236x202 >Be me, go on a date with this 7.5/10 big booba chick >We go to a lakeside cafe >A lot of mosquitos around us >l try to kill one with my hands, but she stops me >l ask her w-- is she doing, and she tells me that mosquito lives matter >I look at her like a f------ retard that just jumped out of a mental asylum >She then tells me that all lives matter >So I ask her what about my precious life >Human lives don't matter but mosquitos does >Tell me why should I date women again?

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Good times | /r/Greentext

T0/09/ TO(Tut)10.09.J0 TNU.70T00JTT4 Haven't told anyone this yet so you all will be the first > be me > horny 14 year old > playing Smash Melee with gf > jokingly say "if I win you're giving me a h------" 1.7 MB GIF > beat her because girls can't game for s--- > celebrating.ogg > "anon do you still want that h------?" > holup.mov > I didn't think she would take it seriously but f--- yeah > whip out my d--- > she jacks me off for a while > feelsprettygoodman > she suggests a b------ > f--- yes > stop her before l'm about to bust > ask if she wants to f--- > she does > pull out the condoms because I was a responsible retard back then > we start f------ (both being virgins) > once I finish we go back to playing melee I wish I was 14 again. Now I just want to kill myself.
T0/09/ TO(Tut)10.09.J0 TNU.70T00JTT4 Haven't told anyone this yet so you all will be the first > be me > horny 14 year old > playing Smash Melee with gf > jokingly say "if I win you're giving me a h------" 1.7 MB GIF > beat her because girls can't game for s--- > celebrating.ogg > "anon do you still want that h------?" > holup.mov > I didn't think she would take it seriously but f--- yeah > whip out my d--- > she jacks me off for a while > feelsprettygoodman > she suggests a b------ > f--- yes > stop her before l'm about to bust > ask if she wants to f--- > she does > pull out the condoms because I was a responsible retard back then > we start f------ (both being virgins) > once I finish we go back to playing melee I wish I was 14 again. Now I just want to kill myself.

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Anon spreads the good word | /r/Greentext

Marcissus IN9eDLmFsKI 08/11/11(Thu)12:43 No.87673510 File1313080993 png-(9 KB, 288x350, 1310957042554.png) >walking down street >group of hot girls ahead on sidewalk >oh f--- >aspie overload >cross street to avoid social WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS contact >they notice me crossing >they giggle > f--- this rll just pretend i live at this house" >go down random driveway >curtains shuffle >middle aged woman stars at me out the window >turn around fast >3 girls stood staring at me >this is their house >rapidly think of plan B >'have you accepted jesus as your lord and saviour?"
Marcissus IN9eDLmFsKI 08/11/11(Thu)12:43 No.87673510 File1313080993 png-(9 KB, 288x350, 1310957042554.png) >walking down street >group of hot girls ahead on sidewalk >oh f--- >aspie overload >cross street to avoid social WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS contact >they notice me crossing >they giggle > f--- this rll just pretend i live at this house" >go down random driveway >curtains shuffle >middle aged woman stars at me out the window >turn around fast >3 girls stood staring at me >this is their house >rapidly think of plan B >'have you accepted jesus as your lord and saviour?"

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Anon loathes Reddit | /r/Greentext

Board /r9k/- ROBOT9001 v Settings Home : Anonymous 12/17/17(Sun)09:08:52 No.41840022 4chan >Call someone a f----- >At worst they call you a f----- back >That's that 3 KB PNG Reddit >Call someone a f----- >"I thought that in this day and age we wouldn't have to deal with homophobia my grandfather was a leather daddy in the 50s and he had AIDS and that's ok and multiculturalism is great and I love b--------- and... Etc >You have been banned fro r/whatever please suck our d---- to come back Redditors can't even handle entry-level banter, they're like the preschoolers of the internet.
Board /r9k/- ROBOT9001 v Settings Home : Anonymous 12/17/17(Sun)09:08:52 No.41840022 4chan >Call someone a f----- >At worst they call you a f----- back >That's that 3 KB PNG Reddit >Call someone a f----- >"I thought that in this day and age we wouldn't have to deal with homophobia my grandfather was a leather daddy in the 50s and he had AIDS and that's ok and multiculturalism is great and I love b--------- and... Etc >You have been banned fro r/whatever please suck our d---- to come back Redditors can't even handle entry-level banter, they're like the preschoolers of the internet.

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Anon is a dad | /r/Greentext

I Anonymous 12/04/16(Sun)00: 19 20 No 359600273 File: Spoiler Image (82 KB, 528x960) 22359599614 Its not much of a story anon il give you the quick green txt version >Be about 6 yrs ago >Meet a grill on FB >We hit it off and date >Few months into it she gets pregnant >We decide on adoption >Fast forward to delivery day >As my daughter is bom I decide I cant/wolnt give her away >Baby momma tells me she doesnt want her and if I want to keep her its all on me >l say alioht take the child and move back in with family >Raise the child for 4 years on my own with no help from her mother >My family helps out here and there >Finally save up enough to get a place for us and pay rent a year in advance move into a one bedroom >She gets the bedroom I sleep on the pullout >She is 5 now her bday is on the 17th >lve worked as much as I can so she will have stuff for her bday and christmas >We >pic related its last xmas
I Anonymous 12/04/16(Sun)00: 19 20 No 359600273 File: Spoiler Image (82 KB, 528x960) 22359599614 Its not much of a story anon il give you the quick green txt version >Be about 6 yrs ago >Meet a grill on FB >We hit it off and date >Few months into it she gets pregnant >We decide on adoption >Fast forward to delivery day >As my daughter is bom I decide I cant/wolnt give her away >Baby momma tells me she doesnt want her and if I want to keep her its all on me >l say alioht take the child and move back in with family >Raise the child for 4 years on my own with no help from her mother >My family helps out here and there >Finally save up enough to get a place for us and pay rent a year in advance move into a one bedroom >She gets the bedroom I sleep on the pullout >She is 5 now her bday is on the 17th >lve worked as much as I can so she will have stuff for her bday and christmas >We >pic related its last xmas

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Anon likes Obama | /r/Greentext


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Anon complains about devices that are meant to save lives | /r/Greentext


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Anon is addicted | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/19/21(Tue)04:27:56 No.65818129 >There's people in this world that can get off to like bikini pics and don't have to watch Japanese business women kick a guy in the nuts to get off 16 KB JPG
: Anonymous 10/19/21(Tue)04:27:56 No.65818129 >There's people in this world that can get off to like bikini pics and don't have to watch Japanese business women kick a guy in the nuts to get off 16 KB JPG

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Anon made poached eggs | /r/Greentext

DC4056BC-2FCF-4FA7-8213-52B229C078C6.jpg 1.47 MB JPG Why did my poached eggs come out so nasty looking shape wise? (Disregarding color, I had no vinegar so I added a splash of dark malt vinegar) : Anonymous 01/13/22(Thu)16:35:39 No.17269007 >>17268958 (OP) # what the f--- did you poach them in? a mud puddle? >>17269036 # : Anonymous 01/13/22(Thu)16:43:56 No.17269036 >>17269007 # I use water that I previously used to wash the dishes to save water, it's boiled so it's sterile. I'm not consoooooming more water just because (((they))) want it. I'm a minimalist, I'm frugal, let me guess you need 'fresh' water because (((they))) brainwashed you into it. Lmao
DC4056BC-2FCF-4FA7-8213-52B229C078C6.jpg 1.47 MB JPG Why did my poached eggs come out so nasty looking shape wise? (Disregarding color, I had no vinegar so I added a splash of dark malt vinegar) : Anonymous 01/13/22(Thu)16:35:39 No.17269007 >>17268958 (OP) # what the f--- did you poach them in? a mud puddle? >>17269036 # : Anonymous 01/13/22(Thu)16:43:56 No.17269036 >>17269007 # I use water that I previously used to wash the dishes to save water, it's boiled so it's sterile. I'm not consoooooming more water just because (((they))) want it. I'm a minimalist, I'm frugal, let me guess you need 'fresh' water because (((they))) brainwashed you into it. Lmao

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Don't you hate when that happens | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/16/20(Fri)21:09:23 No.838004040 >be me >21 >super straight male >get horny one night and decide to go use the local glory hole >actually kinda enjoy it >half way through person on the otherside moans 153 KB PNG >it's a guy's moan >realize ive been sucking a man's c--- this entire time mfw
: Anonymous 10/16/20(Fri)21:09:23 No.838004040 >be me >21 >super straight male >get horny one night and decide to go use the local glory hole >actually kinda enjoy it >half way through person on the otherside moans 153 KB PNG >it's a guy's moan >realize ive been sucking a man's c--- this entire time mfw

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Anon does some baking. | /r/Greentext

>be me, but be me at age 8 >be helping my mom with some baking >she gets a call from my sister and has to go pick her up from gymnastics >sprainedankle.jpg 147 KB JPG >"anon I have to go get anonsis, I'm writing down the instructions for the cake, just follow them exactly ok?" >k >she leaves and everything goes pretty well until I see "add Splenda" on the list >we were out, but being the Kick ass detective I was I thought "Splenda = sweet.Sugar = sweet. l'll use sugar!" >add a f--- ton of sugar >later that day we have family over for dinner >they love the cake >fuuuuuuuckyes >especially my fatass aunt, she ate like 3/4 of the f------ thing >whatever >ffw 2 days later >aunt had half her leg amputated >turns out she was diabetic >they figured it was something she ate at that dinner, my mom says "The only sweets was the cake and we made it with Splenda , isn't that right anon?" >mfw
>be me, but be me at age 8 >be helping my mom with some baking >she gets a call from my sister and has to go pick her up from gymnastics >sprainedankle.jpg 147 KB JPG >"anon I have to go get anonsis, I'm writing down the instructions for the cake, just follow them exactly ok?" >k >she leaves and everything goes pretty well until I see "add Splenda" on the list >we were out, but being the Kick ass detective I was I thought "Splenda = sweet.Sugar = sweet. l'll use sugar!" >add a f--- ton of sugar >later that day we have family over for dinner >they love the cake >fuuuuuuuckyes >especially my fatass aunt, she ate like 3/4 of the f------ thing >whatever >ffw 2 days later >aunt had half her leg amputated >turns out she was diabetic >they figured it was something she ate at that dinner, my mom says "The only sweets was the cake and we made it with Splenda , isn't that right anon?" >mfw

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anon can finally sleep | /r/Greentext

Story time robots >be me >27 year old nerd-virgin >Finally move out of my parent's house and into an apartment complex a month ago >live next to roastie This isrt even my final form. 148 KB PNG >Trying to go to sleep first night living here >Hear this bitch moaning and making loud sex sounds for a solid hour >Keeps me up past midnight >tired at work next morning >this happens EVERY F------ night >l try banging on the wall >F------ don't hear it or just ignore it >After a week, I go over and voice my dissatisfaction >Chad and bitch come out and say that they have the right to do what they want in their apartment >tell me to get f----- >That night, they're louder, more obnoxious, and go for longer than before >itson.wav >go to guitar center and buy the biggest, loudest, speakers they have >record audio of them f------ a few nights (gotta ensure I get the very best they have to offer) >begin observing their habits >notice they have friends over every friday night for drinking and s--- >intend to execute my plan the next Friday >Come home on a Wednesday and as I'm walking by, I see her walking into her apartment with her parents >ohshit.webm >Run into my apartment faster than a n----- with a TV >plug speakers into laptop >Crank it up to max setting >ExecuteOrder66.gif >audio file begins playing >sounds of "uhhh, UHHHHH UHHHHHHHH CHAD YES!!! YES! F--- MY ASS!" can be heard throughout the building >feels like the windows might shatter from the sounds >when audio file ends, hear yelling from her apartment >hear sirens >Apparently, her father had a stroke from the embarrassment of hearing his daughter ask for Chad's hot c-- in her a------ >He recovers (kind of) >Never see Chad again >Roastie never has guys over again either >Last I heard, she was on antidepressants and doesn't go out anymore mfw I finally can get to sleep at a decent hour. mfw I ruin a roastie's life. mfw it was all well worth it
Story time robots >be me >27 year old nerd-virgin >Finally move out of my parent's house and into an apartment complex a month ago >live next to roastie This isrt even my final form. 148 KB PNG >Trying to go to sleep first night living here >Hear this bitch moaning and making loud sex sounds for a solid hour >Keeps me up past midnight >tired at work next morning >this happens EVERY F------ night >l try banging on the wall >F------ don't hear it or just ignore it >After a week, I go over and voice my dissatisfaction >Chad and bitch come out and say that they have the right to do what they want in their apartment >tell me to get f----- >That night, they're louder, more obnoxious, and go for longer than before >itson.wav >go to guitar center and buy the biggest, loudest, speakers they have >record audio of them f------ a few nights (gotta ensure I get the very best they have to offer) >begin observing their habits >notice they have friends over every friday night for drinking and s--- >intend to execute my plan the next Friday >Come home on a Wednesday and as I'm walking by, I see her walking into her apartment with her parents >ohshit.webm >Run into my apartment faster than a n----- with a TV >plug speakers into laptop >Crank it up to max setting >ExecuteOrder66.gif >audio file begins playing >sounds of "uhhh, UHHHHH UHHHHHHHH CHAD YES!!! YES! F--- MY ASS!" can be heard throughout the building >feels like the windows might shatter from the sounds >when audio file ends, hear yelling from her apartment >hear sirens >Apparently, her father had a stroke from the embarrassment of hearing his daughter ask for Chad's hot c-- in her a------ >He recovers (kind of) >Never see Chad again >Roastie never has guys over again either >Last I heard, she was on antidepressants and doesn't go out anymore mfw I finally can get to sleep at a decent hour. mfw I ruin a roastie's life. mfw it was all well worth it

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Five Night’s at Anons | /r/Greentext


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Anon had a great dad | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 38 minutes ago 773177468 1494977453409.jpg (42.6 KB, 396x388) 1 REPLY dad feels thread, first greentext, f--- off >be me, 23 yo white privledged cis male >return home from studying IT in USA >Moved into parents basement (only temp to save on rent) >work great new job, homeoffice, soon have enough to move basically anywhere >trying to reconnect with friends and f--- girls >having issues hitting on girls, realize l'm not the alpha I thought I was while in US >Spend more time trying to get to know parents / family >still can't be chad feelsbad.jpg >One day decide to take old senile aunt out for coffee >coffee place is across old property dad and her grew up in >sitting across from the place brings back some of her old memories >tells me about little sister her and dad had, i never knew about her >tells me dad would always play with sister for hours, let her pull his hair and kick/punch him because she's slowly turning into tard due to water in her head >still makes her laugh >aunt says everyone knew sister would die soon, so dad would let her annoy the s--- out of him with a smile on his face knowing she wouldn't be around much longer >tells me dad is the kindest person in the world, no one was able to make his dying sister feel normal besides him >tfw I imagine what it must have been like being 14, putting a smile on your face and playing with your slowly dying sister just so she'd feel human >tfw when I suddenly realize I have been following my dads footsteps by taking care of aunt, she talks to me a lot and we plan to go to Rome (she's got dementia and is mentally/physically disabled and is getting visible weaker) while most people just say she's an old/crazy lady >tfw she writes me love letters about what she did during the day and invites me to old people events Having some issues but I'm slowly learning to be proud of not being a chad and loving my family instead.
Anonymous 38 minutes ago 773177468 1494977453409.jpg (42.6 KB, 396x388) 1 REPLY dad feels thread, first greentext, f--- off >be me, 23 yo white privledged cis male >return home from studying IT in USA >Moved into parents basement (only temp to save on rent) >work great new job, homeoffice, soon have enough to move basically anywhere >trying to reconnect with friends and f--- girls >having issues hitting on girls, realize l'm not the alpha I thought I was while in US >Spend more time trying to get to know parents / family >still can't be chad feelsbad.jpg >One day decide to take old senile aunt out for coffee >coffee place is across old property dad and her grew up in >sitting across from the place brings back some of her old memories >tells me about little sister her and dad had, i never knew about her >tells me dad would always play with sister for hours, let her pull his hair and kick/punch him because she's slowly turning into tard due to water in her head >still makes her laugh >aunt says everyone knew sister would die soon, so dad would let her annoy the s--- out of him with a smile on his face knowing she wouldn't be around much longer >tells me dad is the kindest person in the world, no one was able to make his dying sister feel normal besides him >tfw I imagine what it must have been like being 14, putting a smile on your face and playing with your slowly dying sister just so she'd feel human >tfw when I suddenly realize I have been following my dads footsteps by taking care of aunt, she talks to me a lot and we plan to go to Rome (she's got dementia and is mentally/physically disabled and is getting visible weaker) while most people just say she's an old/crazy lady >tfw she writes me love letters about what she did during the day and invites me to old people events Having some issues but I'm slowly learning to be proud of not being a chad and loving my family instead.

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Anon likes bears | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/04/16(Sun)16:42:03 No.39596368 >is fat/looks fat >doesn't lift >only eats fish and berries >still faster and stronger than 100% of /fit/ 1.95 MB PNG What is his secret? : Anonymous 12/04/16(Sun)16:44:34 No.39596401 He's happy >>39598722 # >>39600157 # >>39601419 # >>39604092 # >>39604310 # >>39604367 # >>39604613 #
: Anonymous 12/04/16(Sun)16:42:03 No.39596368 >is fat/looks fat >doesn't lift >only eats fish and berries >still faster and stronger than 100% of /fit/ 1.95 MB PNG What is his secret? : Anonymous 12/04/16(Sun)16:44:34 No.39596401 He's happy >>39598722 # >>39600157 # >>39601419 # >>39604092 # >>39604310 # >>39604367 # >>39604613 #

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