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Anon turns to God. | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 4 minutes ago 789317948 >be me >into vore >dont like that I like vore >decide to read the bible for motivation >pic related >prayer.action >flip to random page >land on book of jonah >story of guy getting vored by a whale >mfw
Anonymous 4 minutes ago 789317948 >be me >into vore >dont like that I like vore >decide to read the bible for motivation >pic related >prayer.action >flip to random page >land on book of jonah >story of guy getting vored by a whale >mfw

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Anon is a robot | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/08/19(Tue)09:30:59 No.789458866 > be me > forced to go to s--- hold Earth to find plant > fuckinghumans.jpg > neckbeard incelbot starts following me > his only friend is literally a cockroach > herewego.jpg 36 KB JPG > go to his disgusting cave to tell him to f--- off > he has the f------ plant > go back to the ship with the plant > he keeps following me > makes sure he doesn't get his autistic ass killed while I save humanity > all the other robots are actually insane > he's my only choice > im his gf now > fml
: Anonymous 01/08/19(Tue)09:30:59 No.789458866 > be me > forced to go to s--- hold Earth to find plant > fuckinghumans.jpg > neckbeard incelbot starts following me > his only friend is literally a cockroach > herewego.jpg 36 KB JPG > go to his disgusting cave to tell him to f--- off > he has the f------ plant > go back to the ship with the plant > he keeps following me > makes sure he doesn't get his autistic ass killed while I save humanity > all the other robots are actually insane > he's my only choice > im his gf now > fml

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Anon Goes To Trial | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/07/19(Mon)10:06:11 No.789363798 >be me 19 >police raid my house at 1 am >get sent to jail. >multiple assault, and sexual assault charges from landwhale ex gf >mom nearly goes broke to pay my bail >Mom think this will be my last few 174 KB JPG months free >january 2017 >go in for my arraignment >the court lost my charges >wut? >prosecutor was lazy, and quitting a week anyway >"uhh come back in 3 months lol" >new prosecutor >knows what I did, but the old prosecutor left him no evidence >my judge is a men's right advocate >good lawyer negotiates plea deal > charges become an ordinance violation, and 40 hours of community service >use it to work at a charity > charity gives me a job >job pays 15$ an hour >job offers to pay for college, if i stay there >lose 30 pounds on a keto diet >for the first time in my life i look healthy, and good. >for the first time in my life, i'm able to move out my parents house. >for the first time in my life i'm happy. Thanks legal system.
: Anonymous 01/07/19(Mon)10:06:11 No.789363798 >be me 19 >police raid my house at 1 am >get sent to jail. >multiple assault, and sexual assault charges from landwhale ex gf >mom nearly goes broke to pay my bail >Mom think this will be my last few 174 KB JPG months free >january 2017 >go in for my arraignment >the court lost my charges >wut? >prosecutor was lazy, and quitting a week anyway >"uhh come back in 3 months lol" >new prosecutor >knows what I did, but the old prosecutor left him no evidence >my judge is a men's right advocate >good lawyer negotiates plea deal > charges become an ordinance violation, and 40 hours of community service >use it to work at a charity > charity gives me a job >job pays 15$ an hour >job offers to pay for college, if i stay there >lose 30 pounds on a keto diet >for the first time in my life i look healthy, and good. >for the first time in my life, i'm able to move out my parents house. >for the first time in my life i'm happy. Thanks legal system.

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Anon needs fitness plans!! | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/02/17(Sun)11:57:40 No.737628777 >be me. 5'11" 260 pounds. Yes I'm fat. >my life consists of cleaning out the trashcans and wiping s--- off of hospital floors >know of a patient dying of cancer. been on a hospital bed for 3 weeks 61 KB PNG now. >he called me over yesterday. first time he's ever spoke to me. I'm listening intently >"I don't know you but my dying wish for you is to lose all that f------ weight so you don't die a fat slob" >he died today I don't know how to feel : Anonymous 07/02/17(Sun)11:59:10 No.737628906 Lose the weight fgt >>737630720 #
: Anonymous 07/02/17(Sun)11:57:40 No.737628777 >be me. 5'11" 260 pounds. Yes I'm fat. >my life consists of cleaning out the trashcans and wiping s--- off of hospital floors >know of a patient dying of cancer. been on a hospital bed for 3 weeks 61 KB PNG now. >he called me over yesterday. first time he's ever spoke to me. I'm listening intently >"I don't know you but my dying wish for you is to lose all that f------ weight so you don't die a fat slob" >he died today I don't know how to feel : Anonymous 07/02/17(Sun)11:59:10 No.737628906 Lose the weight fgt >>737630720 #

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Anon calls out trump | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous The fbi is onto me 11/29/19(Fri)21:43:40 No.55565053 >see that Trump posted five seconds ago on Instagram >autismactivate.exe >proceed to comment Donald give me your seed like you did to those little girls on Epsteins 41 KB JPG Island >get spammed by boomers for hours on end for being disrespectful and not knowing facts >didnt think he ever did go on Epstein's island just autism kicking in FFW six hours >talking to my friends about it anon the comment isn't there anymore >mfw my autistic comment might be true
: Anonymous The fbi is onto me 11/29/19(Fri)21:43:40 No.55565053 >see that Trump posted five seconds ago on Instagram >autismactivate.exe >proceed to comment Donald give me your seed like you did to those little girls on Epsteins 41 KB JPG Island >get spammed by boomers for hours on end for being disrespectful and not knowing facts >didnt think he ever did go on Epstein's island just autism kicking in FFW six hours >talking to my friends about it anon the comment isn't there anymore >mfw my autistic comment might be true

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Anon makes a recovery | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/06/19(Sun)20:52:24 No.789321110 >be me, 23yo, shy c--- >spent three years in a toxic relationship being constantly emotionally abused >ex dumped me for some swaggot couple years back because he was a f------- and got bored of me >apparently ended poorly (who would've thought?) 11 KB JPG >texted me some time back that she missed me and how I always treated her well and pampered her and how she's sorry fuckthatnoise.mp3 >left her on read and moved on, still feeling a bunch of inner turmoil >ran into her at local market today >she came up to me (even though I did my best to avoid her) >tries initiating conversation >something inside me gets ignited >"I'm sorry, do I know you?" >she's confused and goes "are you f------ kidding, it's me, xxxxxx" >"Ooh, s---, I didn't recognize you! THAT'S what you look like now? Talk about dodging a f------ bullet." >l walk off without saying anything else to her >saw her walking out bawling her eyes out >l feel closure and empowerment, anons >I think l'm ready for the dating scene again
: Anonymous 01/06/19(Sun)20:52:24 No.789321110 >be me, 23yo, shy c--- >spent three years in a toxic relationship being constantly emotionally abused >ex dumped me for some swaggot couple years back because he was a f------- and got bored of me >apparently ended poorly (who would've thought?) 11 KB JPG >texted me some time back that she missed me and how I always treated her well and pampered her and how she's sorry fuckthatnoise.mp3 >left her on read and moved on, still feeling a bunch of inner turmoil >ran into her at local market today >she came up to me (even though I did my best to avoid her) >tries initiating conversation >something inside me gets ignited >"I'm sorry, do I know you?" >she's confused and goes "are you f------ kidding, it's me, xxxxxx" >"Ooh, s---, I didn't recognize you! THAT'S what you look like now? Talk about dodging a f------ bullet." >l walk off without saying anything else to her >saw her walking out bawling her eyes out >l feel closure and empowerment, anons >I think l'm ready for the dating scene again

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Anon went to the zoo Anon went to the zoo | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/09/21(Sat)21:22:46 No.844438848 >at the zoo >decide to take guided tour since one is about to start >lady asks if there's any qustions before the tour begins >guy in the background screams 244 KB PNG "YEA WHERE ARE THE MONKEYS AT?!" >everyone stares at him >lady says all of the primates are in the jungle exhibit on the other side of the zoo >guy takes off into a full sprint towards the monkeys >about an hour later >tour catches up to guy in front of the chimpanzees >he's bobbing his head in sync with all the chimps whilst howling View Thread
: Anonymous 01/09/21(Sat)21:22:46 No.844438848 >at the zoo >decide to take guided tour since one is about to start >lady asks if there's any qustions before the tour begins >guy in the background screams 244 KB PNG "YEA WHERE ARE THE MONKEYS AT?!" >everyone stares at him >lady says all of the primates are in the jungle exhibit on the other side of the zoo >guy takes off into a full sprint towards the monkeys >about an hour later >tour catches up to guy in front of the chimpanzees >he's bobbing his head in sync with all the chimps whilst howling View Thread

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anon finds a cute girl | /r/Greentext


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Wagie wagie back in cagie | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 01/14/22(Fri)22:09:51 No.158152556 >158152778 >>158153215 >>158153368 >>158153473 >>158153842 >>158153928 >158154064 >be McCuck wagie >work 8 hr shift to pay tuition >have no car >walk 5 miles home in blistering cold >feet practically bleeding >open up Instagram >see w---- making 6 figures showing her ass Man f--- this s---. It's either I kill my self or become the next Lenin Anonymous I01/14/22(Fri)22:12:55 No.158152622 >>158154085 >>158154205 use a bike??
Anonymous 01/14/22(Fri)22:09:51 No.158152556 >158152778 >>158153215 >>158153368 >>158153473 >>158153842 >>158153928 >158154064 >be McCuck wagie >work 8 hr shift to pay tuition >have no car >walk 5 miles home in blistering cold >feet practically bleeding >open up Instagram >see w---- making 6 figures showing her ass Man f--- this s---. It's either I kill my self or become the next Lenin Anonymous I01/14/22(Fri)22:12:55 No.158152622 >>158154085 >>158154205 use a bike??

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Anon cannot be fooled | /r/Greentext

| Anonymous 09/23/15(Wed)22:56:01 No.642863132 >>642860186 (OP) # >work at liqour store >see obviously underage girls enter and rush to the back >hear them whispering and discussing what to get >they grab heaven hill vodka >they try and check out and I ask for l'd >they "lost" it but one says her dad says its ok she's 22 >laugh at them and tell them gtfo >same girl tells me her dad is rich blah blah >they leave and I start eating a pickle in a bag >drive thru bell rings >walk over and see its the same girls >they freak out one says that there should have been someone else >I stare at them eating my pickle >they speed off >good pickle
| Anonymous 09/23/15(Wed)22:56:01 No.642863132 >>642860186 (OP) # >work at liqour store >see obviously underage girls enter and rush to the back >hear them whispering and discussing what to get >they grab heaven hill vodka >they try and check out and I ask for l'd >they "lost" it but one says her dad says its ok she's 22 >laugh at them and tell them gtfo >same girl tells me her dad is rich blah blah >they leave and I start eating a pickle in a bag >drive thru bell rings >walk over and see its the same girls >they freak out one says that there should have been someone else >I stare at them eating my pickle >they speed off >good pickle

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Anon had enough | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/15/22(Sat)02:10:34 No.66993940 >terrible hookup culture that encourages short term flings over full relationships >every increasing rise in living costs with decreasing number of well paying jobs >feminism pushing for laws that 32 KB JPG make hitting on women increasingly more dangerous for men >no legal repercussions for adultery >womens standards for men getting higher and higher every year so only the most attractive men can even get a girlfriend >"Dude why aren't men pursuing women to make families??? Must be le m----------- and p---" Do nofappers really?
: Anonymous 01/15/22(Sat)02:10:34 No.66993940 >terrible hookup culture that encourages short term flings over full relationships >every increasing rise in living costs with decreasing number of well paying jobs >feminism pushing for laws that 32 KB JPG make hitting on women increasingly more dangerous for men >no legal repercussions for adultery >womens standards for men getting higher and higher every year so only the most attractive men can even get a girlfriend >"Dude why aren't men pursuing women to make families??? Must be le m----------- and p---" Do nofappers really?

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Anon pulls a prank | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous03/09/19(Sat)18:02:25 No.794558144 >tell f----- brother he just got pranked >"how?" >tell him to look in his room >he spends 10 minutes looking for the prank >there was no prank 23 KB JPG >mfw that was the prank
: Anonymous03/09/19(Sat)18:02:25 No.794558144 >tell f----- brother he just got pranked >"how?" >tell him to look in his room >he spends 10 minutes looking for the prank >there was no prank 23 KB JPG >mfw that was the prank

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Simulation Theory | /r/Greentext

FoodTank agriculturesubsidiesworldbankreport.jpg 245 KB JPG >put food in the dirt >much more food comes out You expect me to believe this b-------?? : Anonymous 12/29/21(Wed)20:55:41 No.869589196 >>869588879 (OP) # >build triangle out of metal >it doesn't sink B------- 103 KB JPG : Anonymous 12/29/21 (Wed)20:57:35 No.869589312 >build a giant metal bird >wings don't even flap They didn't even try and make it believable
FoodTank agriculturesubsidiesworldbankreport.jpg 245 KB JPG >put food in the dirt >much more food comes out You expect me to believe this b-------?? : Anonymous 12/29/21(Wed)20:55:41 No.869589196 >>869588879 (OP) # >build triangle out of metal >it doesn't sink B------- 103 KB JPG : Anonymous 12/29/21 (Wed)20:57:35 No.869589312 >build a giant metal bird >wings don't even flap They didn't even try and make it believable

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Anon is a top tier student | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/14/22(Fri)22:59:40 No.870672372 >be me >get into top tier American college pre covid as an international student >pay thousands of dollars your proud family earned through the last years 278 KB JPG COVID hits >watch funny computer lifestream 6 days a week, eat Doritos 24/7 Worth it
: Anonymous 01/14/22(Fri)22:59:40 No.870672372 >be me >get into top tier American college pre covid as an international student >pay thousands of dollars your proud family earned through the last years 278 KB JPG COVID hits >watch funny computer lifestream 6 days a week, eat Doritos 24/7 Worth it

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anon can't make a joke | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/15/22(Sat)12:06:35 No.66997457 >be me >be defeated by life so try tinder >match with some thot >she actually likes me and we have a nice chat >be talking a lot and be confident >move the conversation to insta 17 KB JPG >decide to go for it and ask her out and she surprisingly accepts >coom.wav >tell her we can go for a cup of coffee and suggest one I know >she suggests another one near her home >whatever.mp3 >check where the coffee house is >decide to make an edgy joke >tell her that the place is perfect cause there's an alley close by where I could take her and no one will ever hear her scream >she goes a------ >"exposes" me on her insta story and then blocks me guess ill just die alone then 12 Replies View Thread
: Anonymous 01/15/22(Sat)12:06:35 No.66997457 >be me >be defeated by life so try tinder >match with some thot >she actually likes me and we have a nice chat >be talking a lot and be confident >move the conversation to insta 17 KB JPG >decide to go for it and ask her out and she surprisingly accepts >coom.wav >tell her we can go for a cup of coffee and suggest one I know >she suggests another one near her home >whatever.mp3 >check where the coffee house is >decide to make an edgy joke >tell her that the place is perfect cause there's an alley close by where I could take her and no one will ever hear her scream >she goes a------ >"exposes" me on her insta story and then blocks me guess ill just die alone then 12 Replies View Thread

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Anon plows someone’s house | /r/Greentext

11:54 PM C @ 1 * 99% boards.4chan.org oo0o Verizon In 2005 I drove my old Tacoma through a guy's house. THAVE NO SIDES AND I MUST KEK Not into, THROUGH. 63 KB JPG I fell asleep driving home from San Antonio, Houstonfag here, went off the road, cleared someone's yard and blasted right the f--- through his porch and into his living room. Woke up, panicked, floored it through the sliding glass doors in the back, hopped on the semi-circle driveway and hauled ass for a good 2 miles on 3 flat tires. Thankfully there were no cars in the driveway so i assume no one was home. Can't remember the extent of the damage or how much it cost to repair it, but shortly after that i just bought a new car and put the truck out to pasture. I'l tell ya this much though, a few miles and 3 new tires later I got to thinking about this family coming home to a f------ truck sized hole in their house and started laughing so frantically i had to pull over.
11:54 PM C @ 1 * 99% boards.4chan.org oo0o Verizon In 2005 I drove my old Tacoma through a guy's house. THAVE NO SIDES AND I MUST KEK Not into, THROUGH. 63 KB JPG I fell asleep driving home from San Antonio, Houstonfag here, went off the road, cleared someone's yard and blasted right the f--- through his porch and into his living room. Woke up, panicked, floored it through the sliding glass doors in the back, hopped on the semi-circle driveway and hauled ass for a good 2 miles on 3 flat tires. Thankfully there were no cars in the driveway so i assume no one was home. Can't remember the extent of the damage or how much it cost to repair it, but shortly after that i just bought a new car and put the truck out to pasture. I'l tell ya this much though, a few miles and 3 new tires later I got to thinking about this family coming home to a f------ truck sized hole in their house and started laughing so frantically i had to pull over.

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Anon has a professor | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 09/28/21(Tue)08:30:46 No.65554532 > Be me > Anti-social loser in CS masters program > TA'ing because I like to torture myself > Professors complain that too many students are getting away with cheating in the junior and senior classes because they're to lazy to update the curriculum and GitHub exists > Tell prof I'm TA'ing for that I bet if he 17 KB JPG pretends to be a student and shares around some private git with a doctored project that only works for the auto-graded question but failed hand checks that he could catch a bunch of lazy retards cheating. > Made this comment last spring, forget completely. > Cut to today. > TA'ing still > This last weekend the first capstone class had their first project due > Dreading grading that, but w/e > Wake up this morning > Email from professor > "Thanks for the advice, hope you get a kick out of it." > Attached: Cheaters dot zip > Professor sent me a zip file containing a ton of evidence he gathered of students cheating. M----------- made a discord pretending to be a student, shared around a general solution to the first project that will only work with the auto grader questions but will fail everything else. 22/100 students failed his hand check on a first pass. The punishment for cheating in the capstone is immediate expulsion at this uni and he posted on canvas that he has a "big" announcement to make today. So, how was everyone's morning going? Anonymous 09/28/21(Tue)09:17:19 No.65554880 bad, f--- you 916 KB PNG
Anonymous 09/28/21(Tue)08:30:46 No.65554532 > Be me > Anti-social loser in CS masters program > TA'ing because I like to torture myself > Professors complain that too many students are getting away with cheating in the junior and senior classes because they're to lazy to update the curriculum and GitHub exists > Tell prof I'm TA'ing for that I bet if he 17 KB JPG pretends to be a student and shares around some private git with a doctored project that only works for the auto-graded question but failed hand checks that he could catch a bunch of lazy retards cheating. > Made this comment last spring, forget completely. > Cut to today. > TA'ing still > This last weekend the first capstone class had their first project due > Dreading grading that, but w/e > Wake up this morning > Email from professor > "Thanks for the advice, hope you get a kick out of it." > Attached: Cheaters dot zip > Professor sent me a zip file containing a ton of evidence he gathered of students cheating. M----------- made a discord pretending to be a student, shared around a general solution to the first project that will only work with the auto grader questions but will fail everything else. 22/100 students failed his hand check on a first pass. The punishment for cheating in the capstone is immediate expulsion at this uni and he posted on canvas that he has a "big" announcement to make today. So, how was everyone's morning going? Anonymous 09/28/21(Tue)09:17:19 No.65554880 bad, f--- you 916 KB PNG

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Anon wants to go... | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 52 minutes ago 56403233 >Wanna say "Let's go" and "okay" >Said "Let's gay" >Got weird looks
Anonymous 52 minutes ago 56403233 >Wanna say "Let's go" and "okay" >Said "Let's gay" >Got weird looks

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We are all gonna make it | /r/Greentext

>be me >27 >cook/everything else >closing up restaurant >me and one girl finishing up in kitchen >light flirting feeling it out >close up and walk her to her car >say bye and hug 24 KB JPG >she does the gril thing where she falls into the hug a little >catch her no problem >shes breathless >wow anon you're so strong now shes sending me naughty pics feels good boys
>be me >27 >cook/everything else >closing up restaurant >me and one girl finishing up in kitchen >light flirting feeling it out >close up and walk her to her car >say bye and hug 24 KB JPG >she does the gril thing where she falls into the hug a little >catch her no problem >shes breathless >wow anon you're so strong now shes sending me naughty pics feels good boys

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non is a retard savant | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/25/21(Tue)17:14:15 No.855313589 >be me >college loser >in a math-heavy program >have exam coming up >barely study >smoke weed and eat churros 27 KB JPG >exam time comes, get 16% >not a typo, I somehow got 16% >prof has a policy where he'll change how exams are written if class average is under 65% >announces that the majority of the class passed but due to a few outliers, the class average was 64.2 and next exam will be open book >realize I'm a f------ hero >smoke weed and eat churros What have you guys done for your community lately?
: Anonymous 05/25/21(Tue)17:14:15 No.855313589 >be me >college loser >in a math-heavy program >have exam coming up >barely study >smoke weed and eat churros 27 KB JPG >exam time comes, get 16% >not a typo, I somehow got 16% >prof has a policy where he'll change how exams are written if class average is under 65% >announces that the majority of the class passed but due to a few outliers, the class average was 64.2 and next exam will be open book >realize I'm a f------ hero >smoke weed and eat churros What have you guys done for your community lately?

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