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Anon is on the grind | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/09/22(Sun)11:10:12 No.870304652 >be me, underage as hell >get new glass bottle because i like how they look, and add a cork >pic related >also be addicted to V energy drink >put V inside glass bottle and leave 1.87 MB JPG out in Australian summer >3 days pass >open bottle and sniff >mfw >smells like champagne and whiskey >drink >tastes like champagne and whiskey >do this again and start selling for like $15 a pop >i've made $450 off this s---
: Anonymous 01/09/22(Sun)11:10:12 No.870304652 >be me, underage as hell >get new glass bottle because i like how they look, and add a cork >pic related >also be addicted to V energy drink >put V inside glass bottle and leave 1.87 MB JPG out in Australian summer >3 days pass >open bottle and sniff >mfw >smells like champagne and whiskey >drink >tastes like champagne and whiskey >do this again and start selling for like $15 a pop >i've made $450 off this s---

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Anon talks to Greg | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/12/18(Tue)16:57:34 No.771324837 >parents throw dinner party >l'm only there because hungry >f----- Greg starts converstation with me >"So anon what do you do?" >tell him i'm a stock man 58 KB JPG >"you don't really look like a wallstreet kind of guy" >what >asks me how the stocks are doing >tell him we just got XXL toilet paper in stock >he is visibly confused >dad joins conversation >"anon is a stock man at Publix" >greg asks if we mean stock boy >tell him I was hired as stock boy at 19 and was promoted to stock man at 25 >he's holding back his laugher >goes to his wife and whispers in her ear >they both start laughing >they go around the party whispering in the other guests ear >everybody starts laughing and looking at me >Go to my room and punch wall >break pinky
: Anonymous 06/12/18(Tue)16:57:34 No.771324837 >parents throw dinner party >l'm only there because hungry >f----- Greg starts converstation with me >"So anon what do you do?" >tell him i'm a stock man 58 KB JPG >"you don't really look like a wallstreet kind of guy" >what >asks me how the stocks are doing >tell him we just got XXL toilet paper in stock >he is visibly confused >dad joins conversation >"anon is a stock man at Publix" >greg asks if we mean stock boy >tell him I was hired as stock boy at 19 and was promoted to stock man at 25 >he's holding back his laugher >goes to his wife and whispers in her ear >they both start laughing >they go around the party whispering in the other guests ear >everybody starts laughing and looking at me >Go to my room and punch wall >break pinky

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Not gonna work because reddit mods are cucks | /r/Greentext

8:27 PM O 47 01/08/22(Sat)17:35:38 No.355549031 Operation: Destroy reddit unnamed.png 18 KB PNG >https://www.protocol.com/bulletins/reddit-march-ipo >reddit is going public with an expected $15B valuation This is the perfect opportunity for a troll campaign that could destroy Reddit. The operation is very simple: We encourage Reddit moderators (who are unpaid) to unionize and demand wages from Reddit admins, and to shut down their subreddits until they are paid fairly. Reddit is absolutely full of leftwing Marxist types who hate big business and who love unions. If we do this we could literally see hundreds of leftwing mods on the site start shutting down every part of the website. Admins could ban the mods who do this but then guess what? The site would become completely unusable without mods, since the whole thing relies on free labor from no-life losers to keep things running. >why do this Because f--- Reddit. Convincing the leftwing mods to destroy their own site would be hilarious. : Anonymous (ID: yMYpgsxZ ) E 01/08/22(Sat)17:37:07 No.355549171 Bump for potential : Anonymous (ID: RJVMQVQG 01/08/23(Sat)17.27:22 No 255540210
8:27 PM O 47 01/08/22(Sat)17:35:38 No.355549031 Operation: Destroy reddit unnamed.png 18 KB PNG >https://www.protocol.com/bulletins/reddit-march-ipo >reddit is going public with an expected $15B valuation This is the perfect opportunity for a troll campaign that could destroy Reddit. The operation is very simple: We encourage Reddit moderators (who are unpaid) to unionize and demand wages from Reddit admins, and to shut down their subreddits until they are paid fairly. Reddit is absolutely full of leftwing Marxist types who hate big business and who love unions. If we do this we could literally see hundreds of leftwing mods on the site start shutting down every part of the website. Admins could ban the mods who do this but then guess what? The site would become completely unusable without mods, since the whole thing relies on free labor from no-life losers to keep things running. >why do this Because f--- Reddit. Convincing the leftwing mods to destroy their own site would be hilarious. : Anonymous (ID: yMYpgsxZ ) E 01/08/22(Sat)17:37:07 No.355549171 Bump for potential : Anonymous (ID: RJVMQVQG 01/08/23(Sat)17.27:22 No 255540210

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Anon has a job | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/11/21(Thu)00:01:29 No.146411840 >have comfy job I enjoy >can watch videos and listen to music all day while I work >but for no reason I can't stand being there 3.29 MB GIF >walk in at exactly 8am and walk out the second it hits 4pm even if l'm mid conversation >get home and do literally the exact same s--- I do at work for fun I can't understand it
: Anonymous 02/11/21(Thu)00:01:29 No.146411840 >have comfy job I enjoy >can watch videos and listen to music all day while I work >but for no reason I can't stand being there 3.29 MB GIF >walk in at exactly 8am and walk out the second it hits 4pm even if l'm mid conversation >get home and do literally the exact same s--- I do at work for fun I can't understand it

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Anons classmate is a weeb | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/15/19(Mon)18:03:27 No.797456453 >be me >like 45 mins ago >sitting in science class >fat weeb sitting next to me on his phone >fat weeb is sitting next to girl wearing thongs (flip flops for SIDES CRIPPLED 153 KB JPG amerifags) >you can see where this is going >he takes a pic of her feet under the table but his flash is on >mfw he doesn't hesitate for a second and hauls ass out of the room >mfw the girl has been crying her eyes out since
: Anonymous 04/15/19(Mon)18:03:27 No.797456453 >be me >like 45 mins ago >sitting in science class >fat weeb sitting next to me on his phone >fat weeb is sitting next to girl wearing thongs (flip flops for SIDES CRIPPLED 153 KB JPG amerifags) >you can see where this is going >he takes a pic of her feet under the table but his flash is on >mfw he doesn't hesitate for a second and hauls ass out of the room >mfw the girl has been crying her eyes out since

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Being a cat is sure hard | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/23/19(Sat)14:54:36 No.795694829 >be me, cat >sleeping from long day of being a cat >feel something cold on my head >wake up >w-- >owner standing there laughing like a retard while recording me >look up 73 KB JPG >can of coke on my had >tfw i like pepsi more >mfw no pepsi 1 Reply View Thread : Anonymous 03/23/19(Sat)14:56:35 No.795694917 >>795694829 (OP)# That's actually a pretty cute post. Too good for this site.
: Anonymous 03/23/19(Sat)14:54:36 No.795694829 >be me, cat >sleeping from long day of being a cat >feel something cold on my head >wake up >w-- >owner standing there laughing like a retard while recording me >look up 73 KB JPG >can of coke on my had >tfw i like pepsi more >mfw no pepsi 1 Reply View Thread : Anonymous 03/23/19(Sat)14:56:35 No.795694917 >>795694829 (OP)# That's actually a pretty cute post. Too good for this site.

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Anon is a catboy | /r/Greentext

>>66894707 >be me >look like a twink >no p---- >decide to put on cat ear headband >post some stupid s--- to instagram with selfie >20k followers overnight >girls all up in my DMs >nudes and requests to f--- from like six women >even bros turn to look at me in the halls >8/10 comes up to me >"hey i like your headband" >dontspergout.cp >"uh haha yeah I thought it looked kinda cute with my outfit" >nailedit dot pee en gee >"oh i think it'd look a lot cuter without the outfit" >h-------- im gonna lose my virginity with this beautiful woman handed to me on a platter >"you wanna get a room or?" >we go to a hotel and she tells me she's on birth control >hell yeah >ask the receptionist how much a room is >its a pretty fancy hotel >"uh its about three fifty per night sir" >instincts take over >"tree fiddy?" >INSTANTLY snap awake in cold sweat >i should stop taking shrooms while browsing 4chan no sex but im g----------- on sunday so dont care >inb4 put me in the reddit screencap >>66894832 #
>>66894707 >be me >look like a twink >no p---- >decide to put on cat ear headband >post some stupid s--- to instagram with selfie >20k followers overnight >girls all up in my DMs >nudes and requests to f--- from like six women >even bros turn to look at me in the halls >8/10 comes up to me >"hey i like your headband" >dontspergout.cp >"uh haha yeah I thought it looked kinda cute with my outfit" >nailedit dot pee en gee >"oh i think it'd look a lot cuter without the outfit" >h-------- im gonna lose my virginity with this beautiful woman handed to me on a platter >"you wanna get a room or?" >we go to a hotel and she tells me she's on birth control >hell yeah >ask the receptionist how much a room is >its a pretty fancy hotel >"uh its about three fifty per night sir" >instincts take over >"tree fiddy?" >INSTANTLY snap awake in cold sweat >i should stop taking shrooms while browsing 4chan no sex but im g----------- on sunday so dont care >inb4 put me in the reddit screencap >>66894832 #

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anon becomes crow's underground dealer | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/13/17(Mon)15:30:03 No.18926794 I've become a bread crumb dealer to 4 crows in my local lake. And they pay me with a bit of everything. Shiny stuff, fabric, pens etc. But recently they paid me with 20$ they've found somewhere. So i decided to buy them some more 868 KB JPG expensive bread. They loved it. So they understand what to do. Give me dollar notes. And i've problamy racked up 200$ at this point. Is it morally wrong though, i mean. They're the ones who steals it from someone. Or perhaps they just got a big pile laying somewhere. Should i keep on doing this? 7 Replies / 1 Image View Thread
: Anonymous 11/13/17(Mon)15:30:03 No.18926794 I've become a bread crumb dealer to 4 crows in my local lake. And they pay me with a bit of everything. Shiny stuff, fabric, pens etc. But recently they paid me with 20$ they've found somewhere. So i decided to buy them some more 868 KB JPG expensive bread. They loved it. So they understand what to do. Give me dollar notes. And i've problamy racked up 200$ at this point. Is it morally wrong though, i mean. They're the ones who steals it from someone. Or perhaps they just got a big pile laying somewhere. Should i keep on doing this? 7 Replies / 1 Image View Thread

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Anon fucks up | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/04/18(Thu)00:49:35 No.42248973 Social f--- up thread? >Be me RRRRE >Hungry before work >See donut shop and think "f--- it, that sounds pretty good" >Go inside and get a chocolate EST 172 KB PNG donut and a chocolate muffin >Cashier says "Wow, lots of chocolate today huh?" >"Haha yeah, I'm the chocolate man from chocolate land." >never return there Why am I like this?
: Anonymous 01/04/18(Thu)00:49:35 No.42248973 Social f--- up thread? >Be me RRRRE >Hungry before work >See donut shop and think "f--- it, that sounds pretty good" >Go inside and get a chocolate EST 172 KB PNG donut and a chocolate muffin >Cashier says "Wow, lots of chocolate today huh?" >"Haha yeah, I'm the chocolate man from chocolate land." >never return there Why am I like this?

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Anon made a mistake | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/13/21(Sat)19:35:16 No.849508884 >be me >goes to fast food restaurant >orders mcdonalds >cashier says "sir this is wendys" >I look up >checks menu >is actually at wendys >mfw 62 KB JPG >l order wendys anway
: Anonymous 03/13/21(Sat)19:35:16 No.849508884 >be me >goes to fast food restaurant >orders mcdonalds >cashier says "sir this is wendys" >I look up >checks menu >is actually at wendys >mfw 62 KB JPG >l order wendys anway

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4chan changed anon | /r/Greentext

File: 50F9058E-E8BC-463D-A6BA-C(..).jpg (212 KB, 762x576) Anonymous 01/07/22(Fri)11:38:39 No.870179095 [Reply] I blame this board. >be me >browses /x/ and /b/ >go to McDonalds with Dad >pull into drive through >"What do you want Anon?" >"Let me get a ten piece chicken tendies" >"okay, l'll have a ten piece chicken tendie meal and (Dad's order) >wageslave cashier goes, "Sure Anon" >mfw
File: 50F9058E-E8BC-463D-A6BA-C(..).jpg (212 KB, 762x576) Anonymous 01/07/22(Fri)11:38:39 No.870179095 [Reply] I blame this board. >be me >browses /x/ and /b/ >go to McDonalds with Dad >pull into drive through >"What do you want Anon?" >"Let me get a ten piece chicken tendies" >"okay, l'll have a ten piece chicken tendie meal and (Dad's order) >wageslave cashier goes, "Sure Anon" >mfw

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Anon has sex | /r/Greentext

File: 5ipcqj.png (256 KB, 600x477) Anonymous 01/08/22(Sat)17:47:54 No.66901874 [Reply] >>66901927 >>66902305 i lost my virginity today, on my 22nd birthday, to another virgin don't lose hope, anon. if it can happen to me, it can happen to you + 3 replies omitted. Click here to view. Anonymous 01/08/22(Sat)17:51:49 No.66901921 ► >Have sex >Immediately post wojack on 4chan
File: 5ipcqj.png (256 KB, 600x477) Anonymous 01/08/22(Sat)17:47:54 No.66901874 [Reply] >>66901927 >>66902305 i lost my virginity today, on my 22nd birthday, to another virgin don't lose hope, anon. if it can happen to me, it can happen to you + 3 replies omitted. Click here to view. Anonymous 01/08/22(Sat)17:51:49 No.66901921 ► >Have sex >Immediately post wojack on 4chan

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Anon makes a deal | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/07/21(Thu)18:24:40 No.65674198 >run into weird satanic witchcraft cringe dude on insta >instead of calling him an idiot and getting blocked I try to have fun with it >tell him to use his "powers" to get my coworker to fall in love with me 31 KB JPG >"ok" >asks me to DM him photos of her >no word for a few days >kinda just forget about >2 days ago finally DMs me "done" >yesterday coworker was acting really really chummy with me >texted me today asking if I'm doing anything on Saturday to go on a date >get scared realizing l've very possibly made an actual deal with satan >whathaveidone Guys.. God knows I was just trolling right? I'm not gonna be cast to hell for this right? I didn't think this was real but also my coworker is really hot so I don't want to just ignore her.
: Anonymous 10/07/21(Thu)18:24:40 No.65674198 >run into weird satanic witchcraft cringe dude on insta >instead of calling him an idiot and getting blocked I try to have fun with it >tell him to use his "powers" to get my coworker to fall in love with me 31 KB JPG >"ok" >asks me to DM him photos of her >no word for a few days >kinda just forget about >2 days ago finally DMs me "done" >yesterday coworker was acting really really chummy with me >texted me today asking if I'm doing anything on Saturday to go on a date >get scared realizing l've very possibly made an actual deal with satan >whathaveidone Guys.. God knows I was just trolling right? I'm not gonna be cast to hell for this right? I didn't think this was real but also my coworker is really hot so I don't want to just ignore her.

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Anon tries to weigh himself | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/26/18(Wed)23:59:42 No.48371325 >get on scale ? >take a massive piss n' s--- >get on scale again >gained 3 pounds 118 KB PNG : Anonymous 09/27/18(Thu)00:00:54 No.48371337 >>48371325 (OP) # Probably should have s--- and p----- in the toilet instead of on the scale. >>48371370 # >>48371611 # >>48371619 # >>48371627 # >>48371641 #
: Anonymous 09/26/18(Wed)23:59:42 No.48371325 >get on scale ? >take a massive piss n' s--- >get on scale again >gained 3 pounds 118 KB PNG : Anonymous 09/27/18(Thu)00:00:54 No.48371337 >>48371325 (OP) # Probably should have s--- and p----- in the toilet instead of on the scale. >>48371370 # >>48371611 # >>48371619 # >>48371627 # >>48371641 #

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Anon works | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/15/21(Mon)15:11:46 No.849659169 >be me >work as a phone salesman >95% of calls are old peope >nobody ever actually buys anything >get paid per time spent in calls >most old people are lonely and 110 КВ PNG just want to talk >talk to old people about how they water their plants for hours >basically everyone at my job just talks to old people for 12 hours a day >even have regular callers that know us by names >supposed to advertise products but i actually just talk to grandma Lauren every day for 8 hours about how she used to live back in the day >she appears to forget what she said, repeats the same thing 10s of times. >my job is basically to register when Lauren made a pause in her speech and say "Very interesting, keep going"
: Anonymous 03/15/21(Mon)15:11:46 No.849659169 >be me >work as a phone salesman >95% of calls are old peope >nobody ever actually buys anything >get paid per time spent in calls >most old people are lonely and 110 КВ PNG just want to talk >talk to old people about how they water their plants for hours >basically everyone at my job just talks to old people for 12 hours a day >even have regular callers that know us by names >supposed to advertise products but i actually just talk to grandma Lauren every day for 8 hours about how she used to live back in the day >she appears to forget what she said, repeats the same thing 10s of times. >my job is basically to register when Lauren made a pause in her speech and say "Very interesting, keep going"

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Anon gets beanboozled | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/06/18(Sat)19:38:21 No.48543773 >mom tells me to do my chores >say i don't want to >she says she'll get me mcdonalds if i do my chores >do my chores >say i want mcdonalds now >"no anon there's plenty of 11 KB JPG leftovers in the fridge"
: Anonymous 10/06/18(Sat)19:38:21 No.48543773 >mom tells me to do my chores >say i don't want to >she says she'll get me mcdonalds if i do my chores >do my chores >say i want mcdonalds now >"no anon there's plenty of 11 KB JPG leftovers in the fridge"

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Anon has somebody watching their back | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/17/21(Thu)20:44:00 No.857076209 >be 2nd grade teacher >school is in low-income, high- crime neighborhood >one of my kids often gets picked up by his grandpa >grandpa is an OG who used to be a gangbanger in the 80s, spent 1.19 MB JPG some time in prison, and got his s--- together >he's big and scary-looking, but super f------ nice >leave the school after working late one day, some dudes walk up to me and ask what time it is >look down at my watch and one of them sucker punches me >try to fight back but it's 3-on-1 >get my watch, phone, and wallet taken >next day during dismissal >students grandpa notices bruises, asks what the hell happened >oh I got jumped by some guys on my way home >he asks what they looked like >don't know but I remember they drove away in a white Camaro >he nods and says okay >about a week later, student comes back and hands me a plastic bag from his backpack >inside is my phone, wallet, and watch >see a news report a few months later about a white Camaro found at the bottom of a nearby lake >owner is still missing
: Anonymous 06/17/21(Thu)20:44:00 No.857076209 >be 2nd grade teacher >school is in low-income, high- crime neighborhood >one of my kids often gets picked up by his grandpa >grandpa is an OG who used to be a gangbanger in the 80s, spent 1.19 MB JPG some time in prison, and got his s--- together >he's big and scary-looking, but super f------ nice >leave the school after working late one day, some dudes walk up to me and ask what time it is >look down at my watch and one of them sucker punches me >try to fight back but it's 3-on-1 >get my watch, phone, and wallet taken >next day during dismissal >students grandpa notices bruises, asks what the hell happened >oh I got jumped by some guys on my way home >he asks what they looked like >don't know but I remember they drove away in a white Camaro >he nods and says okay >about a week later, student comes back and hands me a plastic bag from his backpack >inside is my phone, wallet, and watch >see a news report a few months later about a white Camaro found at the bottom of a nearby lake >owner is still missing

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Anon is skeptical | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/09/22(Sun)01:38:35 No.870277011 >you WILL use a dehumidifier >you WILL not question how it works >you WILL trust the science >you WILL notice the humidity in the air being lowered >you WILL not question how water 61 KB JPG accumulates out of thin air >you WILL change the water bucket regularly "TRUST ME BRO, THE WATER JUST APPEARS OUT OF THIN AIR, DONT ASK HOW. IT JUST DOES OKAY"
: Anonymous 01/09/22(Sun)01:38:35 No.870277011 >you WILL use a dehumidifier >you WILL not question how it works >you WILL trust the science >you WILL notice the humidity in the air being lowered >you WILL not question how water 61 KB JPG accumulates out of thin air >you WILL change the water bucket regularly "TRUST ME BRO, THE WATER JUST APPEARS OUT OF THIN AIR, DONT ASK HOW. IT JUST DOES OKAY"

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Anon is desperate & horny | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/09/22(Sun)02:01:58 No.66905947 >Stole a bunch of my cousin's panties during Christmas >Mom asked me if saw them anywhere Should I just say they got mixed in with my laundry and return them? I'm so f-----. 40 KB JPG
: Anonymous 01/09/22(Sun)02:01:58 No.66905947 >Stole a bunch of my cousin's panties during Christmas >Mom asked me if saw them anywhere Should I just say they got mixed in with my laundry and return them? I'm so f-----. 40 KB JPG

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Anon works at a restaurant | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/08/22(Sat)18:55:50 No.17245041 >got promoted from dishwasher to line cook due to staffing shortages >think my first week went well >the other cooks start calling me Crock Pot >cool, I have a nickname already >feel proud and change my name tag to say Crock Pot 15 KB PNG >later the other dishwasher said they call me Crock Pot because l'm a slow cooker
: Anonymous 01/08/22(Sat)18:55:50 No.17245041 >got promoted from dishwasher to line cook due to staffing shortages >think my first week went well >the other cooks start calling me Crock Pot >cool, I have a nickname already >feel proud and change my name tag to say Crock Pot 15 KB PNG >later the other dishwasher said they call me Crock Pot because l'm a slow cooker

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