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Anon makes a realization | /r/Greentext

:Anonymous (ID: CW04UJAD 03/27/21(Sat)23:32:04 No.313962125 >go to college so you can get a job to pay for college >buy a car so you can go to your job to pay for the car >get married so you can have more income to spend on the marriage >have kids to have more 126 KB JPG happiness to offset the stress of having kids
:Anonymous (ID: CW04UJAD 03/27/21(Sat)23:32:04 No.313962125 >go to college so you can get a job to pay for college >buy a car so you can go to your job to pay for the car >get married so you can have more income to spend on the marriage >have kids to have more 126 KB JPG happiness to offset the stress of having kids

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Anon is Buddhist | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/22/18(Sun)17:48:16 No.775076483 >be me >Buddhist >one with everything >idea.jpeg > If I'm one with evrything, I'm technically one with Chad >Technically have f----- millions 42 KB JPG of girls See ya later, virgins >But wait > If I'm one with everything, I'm also one with Stacey > I've technically had Chad inside me >That'sgayaf.png >Immediately give up Buddhism for atheism mfw Ruddhienm ic fake and aOy
: Anonymous 07/22/18(Sun)17:48:16 No.775076483 >be me >Buddhist >one with everything >idea.jpeg > If I'm one with evrything, I'm technically one with Chad >Technically have f----- millions 42 KB JPG of girls See ya later, virgins >But wait > If I'm one with everything, I'm also one with Stacey > I've technically had Chad inside me >That'sgayaf.png >Immediately give up Buddhism for atheism mfw Ruddhienm ic fake and aOy

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Anon got a fan | /r/Greentext

>>46575716 # >be me >neighbour has heavily disabled son 2.98 MB PNG >l'm talking Steven hawkings levels of qaudraspazzed >outside gym master race >one day I'm lifting and he's in the neighbors garden >l'm benching my 1RM >here a noise >look up and see this little spazoid cheering and bobbing his head >now every time I lift he wheels himself out and cheers me on >mfw I now lift for him >>46575873 # >>46575916 # >>46575954 # >>46575963 # >>46576013 # >>46576043 # >>46576233 # >>46578453 # >>46578580 # >>46578865 # >>46582317 # >>46582488 # >>46582583 # >>46582599 #
>>46575716 # >be me >neighbour has heavily disabled son 2.98 MB PNG >l'm talking Steven hawkings levels of qaudraspazzed >outside gym master race >one day I'm lifting and he's in the neighbors garden >l'm benching my 1RM >here a noise >look up and see this little spazoid cheering and bobbing his head >now every time I lift he wheels himself out and cheers me on >mfw I now lift for him >>46575873 # >>46575916 # >>46575954 # >>46575963 # >>46576013 # >>46576043 # >>46576233 # >>46578453 # >>46578580 # >>46578865 # >>46582317 # >>46582488 # >>46582583 # >>46582599 #

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Anon is too horny | /r/Greentext

onymous 12/26/21(Sun)00:10:00 No.66713494 >aunt talking to me about my mom >keeps referring to her as "your sister" instead of "your mom" >the only person on earth who calls my mom his sister is my uncle I HAVE NO INTENTON OF AROUND WITH ans non HUMANS! PLEASE EXCUSE ME! >my uncle is my aunt's husband >aunt is basically confusing me 89 KB JPG with her husband She wants the d right?
onymous 12/26/21(Sun)00:10:00 No.66713494 >aunt talking to me about my mom >keeps referring to her as "your sister" instead of "your mom" >the only person on earth who calls my mom his sister is my uncle I HAVE NO INTENTON OF AROUND WITH ans non HUMANS! PLEASE EXCUSE ME! >my uncle is my aunt's husband >aunt is basically confusing me 89 KB JPG with her husband She wants the d right?

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Anon is Polish | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: tz69+Qc 03/25/17(Sat)12:11:28 No.118239278 1490443275966956698.jpg 218 KB JPG if I only lived in US I could eat hamburger with a juicy beef and a dozen of great vegetables but I was born in this f------ s------- and have to eat something that doesnt even look like a food, in US even dogs get better food than poles. kill me someone please
: Anonymous (ID: tz69+Qc 03/25/17(Sat)12:11:28 No.118239278 1490443275966956698.jpg 218 KB JPG if I only lived in US I could eat hamburger with a juicy beef and a dozen of great vegetables but I was born in this f------ s------- and have to eat something that doesnt even look like a food, in US even dogs get better food than poles. kill me someone please

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Anon has a happy Christmas | /r/Greentext

onymous 12/25/21(Sat)20:12:37 No.869317431 > Be me > 26 yo single wagie haven't seen family in years > family asks if I'm coming to visit for Christmas > really want to see them > try to get time off to go > a------ boss won't give time off 7 KB JPG because, "It's a Blackout week and we need people here" > want to quit, but cant due to bills > regretfully tell family I couldn't due to me working > Family seems upset but they understand > depression worsens due to another Christmas alone. > cut to Christmas Eve > closing store for the holiday. > hear knock at the door > go to tell them I'm closed > realize it was my family > they tell me they flew out to spend Christmas with me > begin tearing up > feelsgoodman.jpg| How was your day /b/?
onymous 12/25/21(Sat)20:12:37 No.869317431 > Be me > 26 yo single wagie haven't seen family in years > family asks if I'm coming to visit for Christmas > really want to see them > try to get time off to go > a------ boss won't give time off 7 KB JPG because, "It's a Blackout week and we need people here" > want to quit, but cant due to bills > regretfully tell family I couldn't due to me working > Family seems upset but they understand > depression worsens due to another Christmas alone. > cut to Christmas Eve > closing store for the holiday. > hear knock at the door > go to tell them I'm closed > realize it was my family > they tell me they flew out to spend Christmas with me > begin tearing up > feelsgoodman.jpg| How was your day /b/?

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Anon has a generation revelation. | /r/Greentext

Ye old stalgia 2011 >Start Minecraft at 4 pm after school on Wednesdays. Call up a bunch of close dudes on landline to come online and play Minecraft. >Spend time building a house with pool, design a flag, etc and have fun. >Our base gets popular online and the boys gang is so proud of it! >Confidence ++ and I feel like I can be an architect. 2019-2021 >Go back to Minecraft. >Find so many orgasmic bases online that spread for longer than my potato PC can render without lagging. >Find out the players who made the bases are on YouTube. >Mfw they're 12 - 15 year olds who did this. >Go back to my old base and feel bad about something that I was once so proud of. Internet, while beautiful has ruined my confidence a lot of times. Thinking of posting things that I once was proud of make me feel autistic and retarded noW.
Ye old stalgia 2011 >Start Minecraft at 4 pm after school on Wednesdays. Call up a bunch of close dudes on landline to come online and play Minecraft. >Spend time building a house with pool, design a flag, etc and have fun. >Our base gets popular online and the boys gang is so proud of it! >Confidence ++ and I feel like I can be an architect. 2019-2021 >Go back to Minecraft. >Find so many orgasmic bases online that spread for longer than my potato PC can render without lagging. >Find out the players who made the bases are on YouTube. >Mfw they're 12 - 15 year olds who did this. >Go back to my old base and feel bad about something that I was once so proud of. Internet, while beautiful has ruined my confidence a lot of times. Thinking of posting things that I once was proud of make me feel autistic and retarded noW.

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This does put a smile in my face | /r/Greentext

| Anonymous 09/14/16(Wed) 19:11:11 No.703940657 >be me >recently moved because of job opportunity, no gf, no friends in town >every friday, order a pizza from local pizzahut >give delivery guy a different 21 KB JPG "challenge" every time they bring a pizza, with a large tip as a reward if they complete it >always make them america-related >start easy. draw an american flag for 5$ >slowly make them more and more challenging, increasing reward as time goes on >"recite the preamble for 20$" >"tell me your personal opinion on the 2nd amendment for 10$" >etc etc >this goes on for a few months until pretty much every employee in the resturaunt that has done a delivery has at least attempted one of my challenges >yesterday, get in pretty bad car accident >wake up in hospital today. told by nurse that a few people came by to visit, mainly coworkers from job >some of them left a pizza >mfw there's a pizza on a table in the room of the same type that i always get >mfw it's got an american flag on it and a "get well soon" card with signatures from the entire restaurant staff
| Anonymous 09/14/16(Wed) 19:11:11 No.703940657 >be me >recently moved because of job opportunity, no gf, no friends in town >every friday, order a pizza from local pizzahut >give delivery guy a different 21 KB JPG "challenge" every time they bring a pizza, with a large tip as a reward if they complete it >always make them america-related >start easy. draw an american flag for 5$ >slowly make them more and more challenging, increasing reward as time goes on >"recite the preamble for 20$" >"tell me your personal opinion on the 2nd amendment for 10$" >etc etc >this goes on for a few months until pretty much every employee in the resturaunt that has done a delivery has at least attempted one of my challenges >yesterday, get in pretty bad car accident >wake up in hospital today. told by nurse that a few people came by to visit, mainly coworkers from job >some of them left a pizza >mfw there's a pizza on a table in the room of the same type that i always get >mfw it's got an american flag on it and a "get well soon" card with signatures from the entire restaurant staff

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Anon gets called poor | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/16/20(Fri)09:10:56 No.837992032 >Finally get a brand new phone after years >Galaxy S20 Ultra >S--- costed me $1400 >disposableincome.gif >Decide to f--- around on /b/ for s---- and giggles >Haven't been there for a couple 83 KB JPG of months >Decide to start a thread on /g/ about the best new smartphones >Casually mention my new S20 Ultra >Get one reply >Some cousin-f------ junkie from Moldova with a PC older than his broke-ass country >Applefag asks why I didn't buy an iPhone >F----- calls me poor >$1400 just to be called poor by some retard whose grandparents probably starved to death from crop failure in the USSR >mfw
: Anonymous 10/16/20(Fri)09:10:56 No.837992032 >Finally get a brand new phone after years >Galaxy S20 Ultra >S--- costed me $1400 >disposableincome.gif >Decide to f--- around on /b/ for s---- and giggles >Haven't been there for a couple 83 KB JPG of months >Decide to start a thread on /g/ about the best new smartphones >Casually mention my new S20 Ultra >Get one reply >Some cousin-f------ junkie from Moldova with a PC older than his broke-ass country >Applefag asks why I didn't buy an iPhone >F----- calls me poor >$1400 just to be called poor by some retard whose grandparents probably starved to death from crop failure in the USSR >mfw

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Anon is scared | /r/Greentext

1500590969099.jpg (78 KB, 346x450) google yandex >make post criticizing google >next captcha shows street near my house
1500590969099.jpg (78 KB, 346x450) google yandex >make post criticizing google >next captcha shows street near my house

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Anon nukem | /r/Greentext

>HS >in English class >get put in a project with 2 stacys >can almost do a perfect duke nukem accent, spent hours in my room autistically practicing certain one liners >can only hold it for like 3 seconds and even then it depends on the words, the voice is just too 10 KB JPG f------ deep for me to do for very long >throughout the project the stacys tease me and act condescending the whole time >soul crushing having to work with such f------ bafoons >one gives me her ipad to go charge >i bend over to plug in into the outlet >one goes "ooh nice ass boy haha" >turn around and let her have it >unleash the pure raw sexual power of the duke voice >say "you wanna touch it, don't you?" nailed it >they both flush completely red >they don't bother me for the rest of the project >tfw duky saved me
>HS >in English class >get put in a project with 2 stacys >can almost do a perfect duke nukem accent, spent hours in my room autistically practicing certain one liners >can only hold it for like 3 seconds and even then it depends on the words, the voice is just too 10 KB JPG f------ deep for me to do for very long >throughout the project the stacys tease me and act condescending the whole time >soul crushing having to work with such f------ bafoons >one gives me her ipad to go charge >i bend over to plug in into the outlet >one goes "ooh nice ass boy haha" >turn around and let her have it >unleash the pure raw sexual power of the duke voice >say "you wanna touch it, don't you?" nailed it >they both flush completely red >they don't bother me for the rest of the project >tfw duky saved me

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Anon Visits Black Twitter | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: 8mCevlw5 File: 1_big.png (278 KB, 525x480) 12/25/21(Sat)07:56:04 No.353599318 >>353599366 >>353601292 >>353595346 (OP) >be me >read comments >realize it's black twitter >close tab
Anonymous (ID: 8mCevlw5 File: 1_big.png (278 KB, 525x480) 12/25/21(Sat)07:56:04 No.353599318 >>353599366 >>353601292 >>353595346 (OP) >be me >read comments >realize it's black twitter >close tab

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Anon is a fag | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/25/21(Sat)21:18:06 No.869292245 > Room hasn't looked like the lovechild of a warehouse and a landfill in 6 months > Haven't had suicidal thoughts in 6 months 340 KB JPG > Mostly been a happy average joe normie for the past 6 months > Boyfriend of 3 years left me 6 months ago Trying not to do the maths because that would mean I lost 3 years on my life on a happiness leech
: Anonymous 12/25/21(Sat)21:18:06 No.869292245 > Room hasn't looked like the lovechild of a warehouse and a landfill in 6 months > Haven't had suicidal thoughts in 6 months 340 KB JPG > Mostly been a happy average joe normie for the past 6 months > Boyfriend of 3 years left me 6 months ago Trying not to do the maths because that would mean I lost 3 years on my life on a happiness leech

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True story | /r/Greentext

onymous 12/25/21(Sat)20:56:20 No.869310286 >Be me, have ghost pepper plant >there are currently fruit flies in the house cause of a bad batch of bananas >ghost pepper starts growing, it's the only one > I see one of those greedy f------ 22 KB JPG fruit flies going for the baby bud >you have all the fruit in the world but still decide to prey on my precious plant >kill that son of a bitch with the force of 1000 Ben shapiros >Satisfied with my work, leave >Pepper plant produces more flowers but they all wither and die >Mfw the fruit fly wasn't eating the buds, it was pollinating them I killed my only chance at having more peppers. Flies r all gone cause I clean the house and it's the middle of winter so there's no pollinators. I guess I'm just a fool now.
onymous 12/25/21(Sat)20:56:20 No.869310286 >Be me, have ghost pepper plant >there are currently fruit flies in the house cause of a bad batch of bananas >ghost pepper starts growing, it's the only one > I see one of those greedy f------ 22 KB JPG fruit flies going for the baby bud >you have all the fruit in the world but still decide to prey on my precious plant >kill that son of a bitch with the force of 1000 Ben shapiros >Satisfied with my work, leave >Pepper plant produces more flowers but they all wither and die >Mfw the fruit fly wasn't eating the buds, it was pollinating them I killed my only chance at having more peppers. Flies r all gone cause I clean the house and it's the middle of winter so there's no pollinators. I guess I'm just a fool now.

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Anon does tech support (for those that havent yet read imo the best greentext there is) | /r/Greentext

File: 1395256860122.jpg-(50 KB, 460x333, it.jpg) I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I'M DOING O Anonymous (ID: ZW6GGNJ3) 03/19/14(Wed)21:17:35 UTC+1 No.537996668 Replies: Anonymous (ID: ZW6GgnJ3) 03/19/14(Wed)22:16:37 UTC+1 No.538004926 Replies: Anonymous (ID: ZW6GgnJ3) 03/19/14(Wed)18:31:29 No.538015293 O Anonymous (ID: ZW6GgnJ3) 03/19/14(Wed)20:21:00 UTC+1 No.537989407 Replies: >>537989870 >>537990586 >>537997456 >>538000370 >>538009753 >>538005196 >>538005209 >>538005270 >>538005631 > day 8 > guy call from day 7 calls back > he's p----- > tells me he lost a client because of my stupidity > "s--- happens man. I lost to team rocket like 10 minute ago" > "what the f--- are you talking about?" > click > day 14 > server is still down > my dads asking questions > everyone is p----- > take an early lunch > over hear some guys at the restaurant talking about buying a new modem for > day 20 > spend entire day cleaning the server room up > getting it all nice > just unplugging network cables willy nilly so I can colour coordinate them people are losing their s--- > they are randomly getting kicked off > tell people there are some issues with our isp >I make sure to say l-S-P as I have now learned by speaking in abbreviations no matter how common makes you sound techy > by the end of the day the server rack is all classy looking > unfortunatelyI never mapped anything and a handful of people can't connect because their ports aren't connected to anything > tell them the |-S-P will have it done ASAP and go home >>538004234 >>538009116 I got hired by my Dad to do IT. I know very little about IT besides games. These are my IT stories. > be first day > woman asks me if I can install the latest the office > hailmary jpg > "Hey sorry to bother you during your lunch.but would either of you happen to be IT?" version of adobe reader Replies: >>537997456>>538000370 > f--- ya I got this O Anonymous (ID: ZW6GgnJ3) 03/19/14(Wed)21:24:52 UTC+1 No.537997654 Replies: > before either of them could read me the riot act and tell me something like how > DL like a boss > "Wow you're like a computer expert" > "Well you know." > Asked to input admin credentials > forget admin credentials > try admin:password > nope.jpg > "uhhhh... uhhhh... oh crap somethings going on with the serve. be right back" > 3 months later she still doesn't have adobe reader >>537997961 >>537998938 the f--- dare|| Replies: >>538015882 > I'm IT too O Anonymous (ID: ZW6GgnJ3) 03/19/14(Wed)18:38:28 No.538016156 > day 9 > one of the printers is out of toner > some fat guy tells me to change it > "it's a toner man.. can't you change it? I'm working on this huge issue with the >I show them my hand that I scratched up crawvling wire on the floor > they nod > "What would you try doing if your server is completely f-----?" > "Have you tried restarting it?" > I go back and restart the physical machine > it f------ works > day 21 > now that the server room is all clean I set up all the test boxes in the back > 8 machines in total all connected to the network > try joining monitors all together like you see on cool threads, you know like the racing ones? > realize these are s--- old monitors and you can't do that > come up with the great idea of bitcoin mining with these boxes > set it up for the first half of the day > after lunch I'm mining > terribly but I am mining > people start complaining about server lag > blame the lag on the olympics suggest that the whole office must be streaming it > ban the olympics on the web filter > office is divided; can see the divide in my email > people who are p----- about not being able to watch the olympics > and the keeners who think its all work and no play at work > I've officially gained power though, people respect me for making this mandate > "He's a real company guy" server" > was really dowwnloading steam > "it'll take a second. god I have much more important stuff to do. that's why you're here" > sigh and go do it > can't figure out how to f------ open the f------ cartridge door > start hitting it like they do in zoolander > tell the poor mentally challenged guy in the mail room I have a special job for him > he has to hide the magic egg in the chest of Hewlet Packard > go back to my server business > half an hour later the fat guy comes into my office > "What the f--- did you do to the printer?" > "Changed the toner" > He just starts shaking his head and muttering s--- > we walk over to it More? Replies: >>538005196>>538005209>>538005270>>538005631 O Anonymous (ID: ZW6GgnJ3) 03/19/14(Wed)22:22:06 UTC+1 No.538005784 Replies: >>538006516 O Anonymous (ID: ZW6GgnJ3) 03/19/14(Wed)20:25:29 UTC+1 No.537989990 Replies: >>537990181 >>537990586 >>537991061 >>538000632 >>538005631 >>538009358 > be day 2 > angry guy is on the phone asking me about some weird in house program > have no idea what the f--- he's saying > there's a pause > he's waiting for an answer > think back to the IT crowd > "Have you tried turning it on and off again" > "Like restarting" > "Give me a sec.." > day 15 > hot cougar walks by office looking distressed > "Everything okay?" > "Oh good... I can't log into my email. can you please help me. PLEASE" > "I got you." > get her laptop > re-install microsoft office > outlook works again > poke through her emails to make sure things are working > send a test file > read the titles of her latest emails > "Divorce" > hand back her laptop > "Looks like its working now" > the mailroom guy jammed the cartridge in the wrong way and actually lodged it in there so half of it is sticking out > the door cant even close > it f------ worked Replies: >>538016437>>538016495 > there's black hand prints all over the printer to0 > Can feel the guy judging me so I just spew b------- > "Looks to be a probably with the network." > the printer was down for over a month before I figured out we have a printer guy on call O Anonymous (ID: ZW6GgnJ3) 03/19/14(Wed)23:42:25 UTC+1 No.538016735 Replies: >>537g90181>>537990586>>537991061>>538000632>>538005631 > day 22 > its birthday day > office celebrates all the months birthdays > take cake > set up n64 in the boardroom > challenge people in the office to goldeneye > keep saying "Hey l'm just taking a 5 minute break for some cake.. want a quick game?" > own the s--- out of all of them > realize I did absolutely nothing all day but eat cake and game > no one ever noticed O Anonymous (ID: ZW6GGNJ3) 03/19/14(Wed)20:29:04 UTC+1 No.537990437 Replies: >>537990802 >>537996957 >>538001173 > "Thanks. > "Everything okay?" > "Well." > day 3 > hot sales rep comes in with laptop issues > she's 9/10 cougar > all flirty with me > tells me she needs something updated > can only hear her boobs > her laptop smells like straberrys > download adobe reader for her and hand it back Replies: >>537997961>537998938 > this is f------ it, tell me your s-- stories cougar woman and then its on O Anonymous (ID: ZW6G9NJ3) 03/19/14(Wed)21:36:30 UTC+1 No.537999228 Replies: > "My mouse is acting a bit funny, can I get a new one" >>537999356 >>537999386 >>537999617 >>537999839 Replies: >>538006516 > day 10 > have to set up projector in 1 > cant find a thunderbolt to hdmi cable to hook it up to lazy to go to the store > dont even have a corporate card either > tell the people needing the projector that there's a compatibility issue with macbooks boardroom Anonymous (ID: ZW6G9NJ3) 03/19/14(Wed)22:33:21 UTC+1 No.538007465 O Anonymous (ID: ZW6GgnJ3) 03/19/14(Wed)23:47:35 UTC+1 No.538017463 > day 16 > one of the mailroom guy's monitors isn't working > it's coming up all green > backstory: there's been a huge misappropriation of funds because I gave him dual monitors just because he's a mentally challenged and I figured if anyone needs 2 screens its him > all he does is look at msn slideshows > and use the fedex webapp or something > he's a nice guy sol actually try and fix it for him > nothings working > think its a driver issue > think its a setting issue Replies: >>537990802>>537996957>>538001173 > day 23 > cougar calls in from the road > she's having trouble accessing a key app for a client on her ipad > she tells me its name > have no idea what it is > but make sure to sound astute > ask her if she's using WIFI or 3G > "How do I check" > "Nevermind let me check from my maincore system" > google the app but nothing comes up > ask one of the other sales people > "oh it's just an infographic on our main site" > tell the hot cougar to come into the office because it's going to require me to hardcode the changes in > she drives 2 hours to come to the office so l can open up Safari and bookmark it to her ipad homepage > they use some guys dellbook > the files from the mac end up not running on the dellbook > call me in mid meeting > all these business people staring at me as l am randomly clicking folders as fast as possible to look like I am pro > download adobe reader > double click files O Anonymous (ID: ZWBGgnJ3) 03/19/14(Wed)20:33:46 UTC+1 No.537991024 Replies: >>537991502 >>537992334 >>537996961 >>537999125 >>53799g9236 > day 4 > figure out how to turn off the servers > when people start asking for help > go into server room > turn off servers > come out oblivious and start downloading adobe reader > eventually people start screaming > THE SITES DOWN! THE SITES DOWN! > "I'm on it!" > run back to the server room > play hotline miami in the back for few hours > turn server back on near end of day > come out of server room > wipe brow from face > "I did it.. > people are singing my praises saying i saved the day really just saved the girlfriend in HM > works > "Thanks Anon, you saved me" > think its an actual hardware issue > whole time people are coming to me with real problems but I keep saying "I'll be there in a minute" Replies: >>537999356>>537999386>>537999617>>537999839 O Anonymous (ID: ZWBGgnJ3) 03/19/14(Wed)21:44:31 UTC+1 No.538000403 Replies: > after 2 hours the mailroom guy goes > "maybe da pug ish boken" >I swapped out the hdmi cable with a brand new one > it worked >I officially am less adept at my job then a poor mentally challenged guy >>538000602 O Anonymous (ID: ZW6GgnJ3) 03/19/14(Wed)18:56:07 No.538018694 > day 11 > there's a new hire > no one f------ told me anything > get screamed > go in back to see if we have any spares > there's a few > but there's also some really old pcs from like the early 90's > boot it up > works > set up new person > everything lags > you open adobe reader? massive f------ lag > send out the computer > "it's the best we've got on short notice" > get like 40 sharepoint tickets the first day from that person > he's a real stickler for help > he ends up quitting the very next week saying he can't work under these conditions I'll continue this tomorrow, believe it or not there's an ending to this but I can't get to it today. that theres no computer for this new person > day 24 > people heard from the 45 year old events planner I do house calls > bunch of idiots are bringing in their home computers, mobile devices, anything technical for me to fix > tell people I can only do it after hours and I charge $20 for small stuff and $50 for large. > most of it is simple fixes > windows updates or adobe reader installs fix it > but then I get it > the laptop from hell > this fat indian guy hands me his laptop in a plastic bag, not a laptop bag, a plastic one > "What's wrong with it?" > "You tell me genius" > Load it up and it's asking for some system restore or something. > just hit next and okay > fixes it but it says I need to load chkdisk? > figure that has something to do with the cd drive > open it up > there's a thick f------ layer of bread crumbs in the tray > tilted the machine to its side O Anonymous (ID: ZW6G9NJ3) 03/19/14(Wed)22:43:12 UTC+1 No.538008829 > day 17 > nice old woman who talks to me about sports tells me her keyboard is s--- > she's oldest person in the office by far > old as dirt > tell her I have just the thing > go in the back and unbox a brand new keyboard meant for the programmers > bring it to the old woman > "You're such a helpful young man" > reach down awkwardly to plug in the new keyboard > get back up and dust pants off > old lady looks like she's having a heart attack > look at the screen > it's f------ blank > on my way back up to my feet I hit the power button > she lost 3 hours of work > 3 hours that old woman will never ever see again Replies: >>5379g91502->537992334>>537996961>>537999125>>537999236 O Anonymous (ID: ZW6GgnJ3) 03/19/14(Wed)20:49:03 UTC+1 No.537992985 Replies: >>537993131 >>537994992 > day 5 > run into cougar at coffee machine > ask her how things are going, just a general statement > instantly thinks im talking shop > starts telling me all the s--- wrong with her computer > she doesn't see me as a human > she sees me as an it > tell her to drop off her laptop > she does > I upgrade her ie > download adobe reader > restart the machine > everythings f------ working > run it back to her > fix my hair > check my breath > act like I saved the day > she's in her office on the phone > she motions to put on her desk >I do. kind of linger > "Is that everything hun?" > leave > hear her say "oh it was just IT" > just IT > that is all am now Replies: >>538000602 > m------------ bread crumbs just pouring out of the laptop > restart the machine > it loads perfectly > turns out the guy was using it as a tray for his morning bagel > f------ toaster laptops O Anonymous (ID: ZW6GgnJ3) 03/19/14(Wed)21:54:24 UTC+1 No.538001801 Replies: >>538001991 >>538002151 >538002582 >>538003029 Replies: >>538010343 > day 12 > someones computer crashed > fuuuuuuuuck Anonymous (ID: ZWBGGNJ3) 03/19/14(Wed)18:17:40 No.538013416 > day 18 > company meeting > we're over budget > there has been ridiculous spending > "we've lost money for almost a month." > set up computer > remember something about profiles being saved on the network > go back to the server room > look at the server rack like a total idiot as I try and figure out in my head how this works > tell the guy all his data is lost and there's nothing I can do > "b-b-bbut my project. i have to present that to the board on friday." > "gone, man. It's gone" > play sim theme park the rest of the day > day 18 > almost a month > they are going to out me > IT budget comes up in discussion > we're one of 2 departments that are coming under budget > "Great job Anon. I heard about the server issues here. you're the man" > at the end of the meeting a 45 year old events planner asks me if I fix computers on the side > "Not really. > "Oh.. I have this one blasted thing that needs fixing. You couldn't just come over and fix it?" > b------- > for a laugh | say, "yeah it's cool, just give me your address and l'll be over after work" > not sure if l'm getting sex > buy condoms > she's not that hot like a 6/10 tops > not even going to lie > last call kind of hot > arrive at her house > ring the door bell while standing all suave leaned up against the door > her husband answers the door > shows me to the computer > install the latest version of adobe reader > get $20 > go home Replies: >>537993131>>537994992 Replies: >>538001991>>538002151>>538002582>>538003029 O Anonymous (ID: ZW6GgnJ3) 03/19/14(Wed)21:07:05 UTC+1 No.537995276 Replies: >>537995863 >537996374 >>537996510 >>538003364 Anonymous (ID: ZW6GgnJ3) 03/19/14(Wed)22:09:56 UTC+1 No.538003978 > day 13 > roll up to work an hour late > day 6 > really bored > decide to download a gameboy emulator and play some pokemon > the webfilters blocking it so I turn it off the whole thing I dont just whitelist it, I turn it all off > whole office is in chaos > fallofrome jpg > "HE'S HERE!" > Go in to my office open up mail > dozens of emails like: > "Hey is there something wrong with the server I can't log in to... > "Any idea why the site is down I." > the server is actually down > adobe reader can't save me now > "Just go back there and do what you did last time!" > everyone thinks its an easy solve > literally shaking in the server room because I don't know what to do > nap in server room for entire day > people are p----- can hear them banging on server door > we've missed deadlines > leave at 6:30 pm > the CFO sees me in the parking lot > hes been in a meeting all day doesn't know about my struggles > "You're still here?! That's the kind of can-do attitude | like to see" > get to emulator site but now I need to turn off the antivirus > use the admin which I noww know to do it. > end up turning off the whole antivirus settings on the server > download my emulator and rom > play my game > guy comes into my office > "I think I caught I virus" > me "gotta catch em all" > by the time I'm facing Misty 4 people have viruses Replies: >>537g95863>>537996374>>537996510>>538003364 O Anonymous (ID: ZW6GgnJ3) 03/19/14(Wed)23:23:20 UTC+1 No.538014162 O Anonymous (ID: ZWBGgnJ3) 03/19/14(Wed)21:12:16 UTC+1 No.537995969 Replies: > day 19 > some guy crashes a program so I have to reinput the settings > go onto his cubiclemates computer > check settings > 2 hours later > "You wrecked my computer. I want my f------ computer back exactly how it was. I don't know what you did but somethings off.my usb drive is buzzing." > w-- > I didn't do s--- to your computer. I checked a program you open 20 times a day > super p----- so I go back into the server room and play Thomas Was Alone > hear knock on server room door > it's the cubiclemate > "Hey, Thanks for fixing it." > "Fixing what?" > "The my usb drive" > I didn't do s--- lol > "Oh yeah. don't mention it" >>537996586 > day 7 > same guy that was yelling at me day 2 is yelling at me > he cant remotely log in just as I am about to leave to go home > "Try turning it off then on again then call me back" > go home Replies: >>538010707 Replies: >>537996586 3/19/2014 - /B/ DOES TECH SUPPORT
File: 1395256860122.jpg-(50 KB, 460x333, it.jpg) I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I'M DOING O Anonymous (ID: ZW6GGNJ3) 03/19/14(Wed)21:17:35 UTC+1 No.537996668 Replies: Anonymous (ID: ZW6GgnJ3) 03/19/14(Wed)22:16:37 UTC+1 No.538004926 Replies: Anonymous (ID: ZW6GgnJ3) 03/19/14(Wed)18:31:29 No.538015293 O Anonymous (ID: ZW6GgnJ3) 03/19/14(Wed)20:21:00 UTC+1 No.537989407 Replies: >>537989870 >>537990586 >>537997456 >>538000370 >>538009753 >>538005196 >>538005209 >>538005270 >>538005631 > day 8 > guy call from day 7 calls back > he's p----- > tells me he lost a client because of my stupidity > "s--- happens man. I lost to team rocket like 10 minute ago" > "what the f--- are you talking about?" > click > day 14 > server is still down > my dads asking questions > everyone is p----- > take an early lunch > over hear some guys at the restaurant talking about buying a new modem for > day 20 > spend entire day cleaning the server room up > getting it all nice > just unplugging network cables willy nilly so I can colour coordinate them people are losing their s--- > they are randomly getting kicked off > tell people there are some issues with our isp >I make sure to say l-S-P as I have now learned by speaking in abbreviations no matter how common makes you sound techy > by the end of the day the server rack is all classy looking > unfortunatelyI never mapped anything and a handful of people can't connect because their ports aren't connected to anything > tell them the |-S-P will have it done ASAP and go home >>538004234 >>538009116 I got hired by my Dad to do IT. I know very little about IT besides games. These are my IT stories. > be first day > woman asks me if I can install the latest the office > hailmary jpg > "Hey sorry to bother you during your lunch.but would either of you happen to be IT?" version of adobe reader Replies: >>537997456>>538000370 > f--- ya I got this O Anonymous (ID: ZW6GgnJ3) 03/19/14(Wed)21:24:52 UTC+1 No.537997654 Replies: > before either of them could read me the riot act and tell me something like how > DL like a boss > "Wow you're like a computer expert" > "Well you know." > Asked to input admin credentials > forget admin credentials > try admin:password > nope.jpg > "uhhhh... uhhhh... oh crap somethings going on with the serve. be right back" > 3 months later she still doesn't have adobe reader >>537997961 >>537998938 the f--- dare|| Replies: >>538015882 > I'm IT too O Anonymous (ID: ZW6GgnJ3) 03/19/14(Wed)18:38:28 No.538016156 > day 9 > one of the printers is out of toner > some fat guy tells me to change it > "it's a toner man.. can't you change it? I'm working on this huge issue with the >I show them my hand that I scratched up crawvling wire on the floor > they nod > "What would you try doing if your server is completely f-----?" > "Have you tried restarting it?" > I go back and restart the physical machine > it f------ works > day 21 > now that the server room is all clean I set up all the test boxes in the back > 8 machines in total all connected to the network > try joining monitors all together like you see on cool threads, you know like the racing ones? > realize these are s--- old monitors and you can't do that > come up with the great idea of bitcoin mining with these boxes > set it up for the first half of the day > after lunch I'm mining > terribly but I am mining > people start complaining about server lag > blame the lag on the olympics suggest that the whole office must be streaming it > ban the olympics on the web filter > office is divided; can see the divide in my email > people who are p----- about not being able to watch the olympics > and the keeners who think its all work and no play at work > I've officially gained power though, people respect me for making this mandate > "He's a real company guy" server" > was really dowwnloading steam > "it'll take a second. god I have much more important stuff to do. that's why you're here" > sigh and go do it > can't figure out how to f------ open the f------ cartridge door > start hitting it like they do in zoolander > tell the poor mentally challenged guy in the mail room I have a special job for him > he has to hide the magic egg in the chest of Hewlet Packard > go back to my server business > half an hour later the fat guy comes into my office > "What the f--- did you do to the printer?" > "Changed the toner" > He just starts shaking his head and muttering s--- > we walk over to it More? Replies: >>538005196>>538005209>>538005270>>538005631 O Anonymous (ID: ZW6GgnJ3) 03/19/14(Wed)22:22:06 UTC+1 No.538005784 Replies: >>538006516 O Anonymous (ID: ZW6GgnJ3) 03/19/14(Wed)20:25:29 UTC+1 No.537989990 Replies: >>537990181 >>537990586 >>537991061 >>538000632 >>538005631 >>538009358 > be day 2 > angry guy is on the phone asking me about some weird in house program > have no idea what the f--- he's saying > there's a pause > he's waiting for an answer > think back to the IT crowd > "Have you tried turning it on and off again" > "Like restarting" > "Give me a sec.." > day 15 > hot cougar walks by office looking distressed > "Everything okay?" > "Oh good... I can't log into my email. can you please help me. PLEASE" > "I got you." > get her laptop > re-install microsoft office > outlook works again > poke through her emails to make sure things are working > send a test file > read the titles of her latest emails > "Divorce" > hand back her laptop > "Looks like its working now" > the mailroom guy jammed the cartridge in the wrong way and actually lodged it in there so half of it is sticking out > the door cant even close > it f------ worked Replies: >>538016437>>538016495 > there's black hand prints all over the printer to0 > Can feel the guy judging me so I just spew b------- > "Looks to be a probably with the network." > the printer was down for over a month before I figured out we have a printer guy on call O Anonymous (ID: ZW6GgnJ3) 03/19/14(Wed)23:42:25 UTC+1 No.538016735 Replies: >>537g90181>>537990586>>537991061>>538000632>>538005631 > day 22 > its birthday day > office celebrates all the months birthdays > take cake > set up n64 in the boardroom > challenge people in the office to goldeneye > keep saying "Hey l'm just taking a 5 minute break for some cake.. want a quick game?" > own the s--- out of all of them > realize I did absolutely nothing all day but eat cake and game > no one ever noticed O Anonymous (ID: ZW6GGNJ3) 03/19/14(Wed)20:29:04 UTC+1 No.537990437 Replies: >>537990802 >>537996957 >>538001173 > "Thanks. > "Everything okay?" > "Well." > day 3 > hot sales rep comes in with laptop issues > she's 9/10 cougar > all flirty with me > tells me she needs something updated > can only hear her boobs > her laptop smells like straberrys > download adobe reader for her and hand it back Replies: >>537997961>537998938 > this is f------ it, tell me your s-- stories cougar woman and then its on O Anonymous (ID: ZW6G9NJ3) 03/19/14(Wed)21:36:30 UTC+1 No.537999228 Replies: > "My mouse is acting a bit funny, can I get a new one" >>537999356 >>537999386 >>537999617 >>537999839 Replies: >>538006516 > day 10 > have to set up projector in 1 > cant find a thunderbolt to hdmi cable to hook it up to lazy to go to the store > dont even have a corporate card either > tell the people needing the projector that there's a compatibility issue with macbooks boardroom Anonymous (ID: ZW6G9NJ3) 03/19/14(Wed)22:33:21 UTC+1 No.538007465 O Anonymous (ID: ZW6GgnJ3) 03/19/14(Wed)23:47:35 UTC+1 No.538017463 > day 16 > one of the mailroom guy's monitors isn't working > it's coming up all green > backstory: there's been a huge misappropriation of funds because I gave him dual monitors just because he's a mentally challenged and I figured if anyone needs 2 screens its him > all he does is look at msn slideshows > and use the fedex webapp or something > he's a nice guy sol actually try and fix it for him > nothings working > think its a driver issue > think its a setting issue Replies: >>537990802>>537996957>>538001173 > day 23 > cougar calls in from the road > she's having trouble accessing a key app for a client on her ipad > she tells me its name > have no idea what it is > but make sure to sound astute > ask her if she's using WIFI or 3G > "How do I check" > "Nevermind let me check from my maincore system" > google the app but nothing comes up > ask one of the other sales people > "oh it's just an infographic on our main site" > tell the hot cougar to come into the office because it's going to require me to hardcode the changes in > she drives 2 hours to come to the office so l can open up Safari and bookmark it to her ipad homepage > they use some guys dellbook > the files from the mac end up not running on the dellbook > call me in mid meeting > all these business people staring at me as l am randomly clicking folders as fast as possible to look like I am pro > download adobe reader > double click files O Anonymous (ID: ZWBGgnJ3) 03/19/14(Wed)20:33:46 UTC+1 No.537991024 Replies: >>537991502 >>537992334 >>537996961 >>537999125 >>53799g9236 > day 4 > figure out how to turn off the servers > when people start asking for help > go into server room > turn off servers > come out oblivious and start downloading adobe reader > eventually people start screaming > THE SITES DOWN! THE SITES DOWN! > "I'm on it!" > run back to the server room > play hotline miami in the back for few hours > turn server back on near end of day > come out of server room > wipe brow from face > "I did it.. > people are singing my praises saying i saved the day really just saved the girlfriend in HM > works > "Thanks Anon, you saved me" > think its an actual hardware issue > whole time people are coming to me with real problems but I keep saying "I'll be there in a minute" Replies: >>537999356>>537999386>>537999617>>537999839 O Anonymous (ID: ZWBGgnJ3) 03/19/14(Wed)21:44:31 UTC+1 No.538000403 Replies: > after 2 hours the mailroom guy goes > "maybe da pug ish boken" >I swapped out the hdmi cable with a brand new one > it worked >I officially am less adept at my job then a poor mentally challenged guy >>538000602 O Anonymous (ID: ZW6GgnJ3) 03/19/14(Wed)18:56:07 No.538018694 > day 11 > there's a new hire > no one f------ told me anything > get screamed > go in back to see if we have any spares > there's a few > but there's also some really old pcs from like the early 90's > boot it up > works > set up new person > everything lags > you open adobe reader? massive f------ lag > send out the computer > "it's the best we've got on short notice" > get like 40 sharepoint tickets the first day from that person > he's a real stickler for help > he ends up quitting the very next week saying he can't work under these conditions I'll continue this tomorrow, believe it or not there's an ending to this but I can't get to it today. that theres no computer for this new person > day 24 > people heard from the 45 year old events planner I do house calls > bunch of idiots are bringing in their home computers, mobile devices, anything technical for me to fix > tell people I can only do it after hours and I charge $20 for small stuff and $50 for large. > most of it is simple fixes > windows updates or adobe reader installs fix it > but then I get it > the laptop from hell > this fat indian guy hands me his laptop in a plastic bag, not a laptop bag, a plastic one > "What's wrong with it?" > "You tell me genius" > Load it up and it's asking for some system restore or something. > just hit next and okay > fixes it but it says I need to load chkdisk? > figure that has something to do with the cd drive > open it up > there's a thick f------ layer of bread crumbs in the tray > tilted the machine to its side O Anonymous (ID: ZW6G9NJ3) 03/19/14(Wed)22:43:12 UTC+1 No.538008829 > day 17 > nice old woman who talks to me about sports tells me her keyboard is s--- > she's oldest person in the office by far > old as dirt > tell her I have just the thing > go in the back and unbox a brand new keyboard meant for the programmers > bring it to the old woman > "You're such a helpful young man" > reach down awkwardly to plug in the new keyboard > get back up and dust pants off > old lady looks like she's having a heart attack > look at the screen > it's f------ blank > on my way back up to my feet I hit the power button > she lost 3 hours of work > 3 hours that old woman will never ever see again Replies: >>5379g91502->537992334>>537996961>>537999125>>537999236 O Anonymous (ID: ZW6GgnJ3) 03/19/14(Wed)20:49:03 UTC+1 No.537992985 Replies: >>537993131 >>537994992 > day 5 > run into cougar at coffee machine > ask her how things are going, just a general statement > instantly thinks im talking shop > starts telling me all the s--- wrong with her computer > she doesn't see me as a human > she sees me as an it > tell her to drop off her laptop > she does > I upgrade her ie > download adobe reader > restart the machine > everythings f------ working > run it back to her > fix my hair > check my breath > act like I saved the day > she's in her office on the phone > she motions to put on her desk >I do. kind of linger > "Is that everything hun?" > leave > hear her say "oh it was just IT" > just IT > that is all am now Replies: >>538000602 > m------------ bread crumbs just pouring out of the laptop > restart the machine > it loads perfectly > turns out the guy was using it as a tray for his morning bagel > f------ toaster laptops O Anonymous (ID: ZW6GgnJ3) 03/19/14(Wed)21:54:24 UTC+1 No.538001801 Replies: >>538001991 >>538002151 >538002582 >>538003029 Replies: >>538010343 > day 12 > someones computer crashed > fuuuuuuuuck Anonymous (ID: ZWBGGNJ3) 03/19/14(Wed)18:17:40 No.538013416 > day 18 > company meeting > we're over budget > there has been ridiculous spending > "we've lost money for almost a month." > set up computer > remember something about profiles being saved on the network > go back to the server room > look at the server rack like a total idiot as I try and figure out in my head how this works > tell the guy all his data is lost and there's nothing I can do > "b-b-bbut my project. i have to present that to the board on friday." > "gone, man. It's gone" > play sim theme park the rest of the day > day 18 > almost a month > they are going to out me > IT budget comes up in discussion > we're one of 2 departments that are coming under budget > "Great job Anon. I heard about the server issues here. you're the man" > at the end of the meeting a 45 year old events planner asks me if I fix computers on the side > "Not really. > "Oh.. I have this one blasted thing that needs fixing. You couldn't just come over and fix it?" > b------- > for a laugh | say, "yeah it's cool, just give me your address and l'll be over after work" > not sure if l'm getting sex > buy condoms > she's not that hot like a 6/10 tops > not even going to lie > last call kind of hot > arrive at her house > ring the door bell while standing all suave leaned up against the door > her husband answers the door > shows me to the computer > install the latest version of adobe reader > get $20 > go home Replies: >>537993131>>537994992 Replies: >>538001991>>538002151>>538002582>>538003029 O Anonymous (ID: ZW6GgnJ3) 03/19/14(Wed)21:07:05 UTC+1 No.537995276 Replies: >>537995863 >537996374 >>537996510 >>538003364 Anonymous (ID: ZW6GgnJ3) 03/19/14(Wed)22:09:56 UTC+1 No.538003978 > day 13 > roll up to work an hour late > day 6 > really bored > decide to download a gameboy emulator and play some pokemon > the webfilters blocking it so I turn it off the whole thing I dont just whitelist it, I turn it all off > whole office is in chaos > fallofrome jpg > "HE'S HERE!" > Go in to my office open up mail > dozens of emails like: > "Hey is there something wrong with the server I can't log in to... > "Any idea why the site is down I." > the server is actually down > adobe reader can't save me now > "Just go back there and do what you did last time!" > everyone thinks its an easy solve > literally shaking in the server room because I don't know what to do > nap in server room for entire day > people are p----- can hear them banging on server door > we've missed deadlines > leave at 6:30 pm > the CFO sees me in the parking lot > hes been in a meeting all day doesn't know about my struggles > "You're still here?! That's the kind of can-do attitude | like to see" > get to emulator site but now I need to turn off the antivirus > use the admin which I noww know to do it. > end up turning off the whole antivirus settings on the server > download my emulator and rom > play my game > guy comes into my office > "I think I caught I virus" > me "gotta catch em all" > by the time I'm facing Misty 4 people have viruses Replies: >>537g95863>>537996374>>537996510>>538003364 O Anonymous (ID: ZW6GgnJ3) 03/19/14(Wed)23:23:20 UTC+1 No.538014162 O Anonymous (ID: ZWBGgnJ3) 03/19/14(Wed)21:12:16 UTC+1 No.537995969 Replies: > day 19 > some guy crashes a program so I have to reinput the settings > go onto his cubiclemates computer > check settings > 2 hours later > "You wrecked my computer. I want my f------ computer back exactly how it was. I don't know what you did but somethings off.my usb drive is buzzing." > w-- > I didn't do s--- to your computer. I checked a program you open 20 times a day > super p----- so I go back into the server room and play Thomas Was Alone > hear knock on server room door > it's the cubiclemate > "Hey, Thanks for fixing it." > "Fixing what?" > "The my usb drive" > I didn't do s--- lol > "Oh yeah. don't mention it" >>537996586 > day 7 > same guy that was yelling at me day 2 is yelling at me > he cant remotely log in just as I am about to leave to go home > "Try turning it off then on again then call me back" > go home Replies: >>538010707 Replies: >>537996586 3/19/2014 - /B/ DOES TECH SUPPORT

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Anon walk at night | /r/Greentext

U Anonymous 10/27/16(Thu)07:10:15 No.32360229 File: 223211b5a1.png (440 KB, 632x604) >32360378 >>32360816 Not really cringe, but I have a story from a friend about missing social cues. >Walking around town late at night >Reach a guy sitting on the sidewalk, he asks me for money >"Sorry man, I don't have any money." >"I have a knife." >"Nah, that's okay man, I don't need a knife" >Walk away, don't realize I was getting robbed until later that night
U Anonymous 10/27/16(Thu)07:10:15 No.32360229 File: 223211b5a1.png (440 KB, 632x604) >32360378 >>32360816 Not really cringe, but I have a story from a friend about missing social cues. >Walking around town late at night >Reach a guy sitting on the sidewalk, he asks me for money >"Sorry man, I don't have any money." >"I have a knife." >"Nah, that's okay man, I don't need a knife" >Walk away, don't realize I was getting robbed until later that night

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Anon cucks his friends | /r/Greentext

388039314 >>388031682 (OP) # In Crusader Kings II, I actually cucked my friends to death. >in MP with bros >in char creation, I give my boy a f--- load of health and charisma 35 KB PNG >game starts >everyone finds wives and makes with the lineage continuing >pick the seduction focus >l can now attempt to drop dong on any woman in the game >charisma so high it almost always works >proceed to do so with the bros wives >beat several of them to the buzzer >their firstborn is actually mine >d--- my way around europe >eventually catch super AIDS from some french harlot >my health stat is so high it keeps my d--- from rotting off and killing me >now anyone I f--- has a chance of catching the super AIDS >but they don't have the health sat cranked up like I do, so it will eventually kill them >proceed to f--- my bros wives >wives catch the super AIDS >they give it to their husbands before dying >bros all die >many of their heirs aren't even theirs >l committed regicide with my c---
388039314 >>388031682 (OP) # In Crusader Kings II, I actually cucked my friends to death. >in MP with bros >in char creation, I give my boy a f--- load of health and charisma 35 KB PNG >game starts >everyone finds wives and makes with the lineage continuing >pick the seduction focus >l can now attempt to drop dong on any woman in the game >charisma so high it almost always works >proceed to do so with the bros wives >beat several of them to the buzzer >their firstborn is actually mine >d--- my way around europe >eventually catch super AIDS from some french harlot >my health stat is so high it keeps my d--- from rotting off and killing me >now anyone I f--- has a chance of catching the super AIDS >but they don't have the health sat cranked up like I do, so it will eventually kill them >proceed to f--- my bros wives >wives catch the super AIDS >they give it to their husbands before dying >bros all die >many of their heirs aren't even theirs >l committed regicide with my c---

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Thanks Elon, very cool | /r/Greentext

>be me >traveling to Earth to annihilate the human race >see earth >fire up the death ray >too late 19 KB JPG >get hit by a f------ tesla roadster traveling at f------ mach speed playing david bowie >completely destroys my ship and kills my entire crew >mfw
>be me >traveling to Earth to annihilate the human race >see earth >fire up the death ray >too late 19 KB JPG >get hit by a f------ tesla roadster traveling at f------ mach speed playing david bowie >completely destroys my ship and kills my entire crew >mfw

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anon has a new friend | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/18/21(Thu)19:27:20 No.866952306 >be me >wage cuck >feeling s----- at work >go to breakroom to think >coworker i've never talked to comes in >"Hey Anon, you feeling alright? I've noticed you've been kinda down lately, 67 KB PNG want to go do some bowling with me?" >l go do bowling >happy Thanks Chris
: Anonymous 11/18/21(Thu)19:27:20 No.866952306 >be me >wage cuck >feeling s----- at work >go to breakroom to think >coworker i've never talked to comes in >"Hey Anon, you feeling alright? I've noticed you've been kinda down lately, 67 KB PNG want to go do some bowling with me?" >l go do bowling >happy Thanks Chris

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Happens to the best of us anon | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/18/21(Sun)21:44:31 No.852377973 >Take a small amount of ambien >Wake up early in the middle of the night >Have to take a huge s--- >Can feel it bubbling in my stomach >Run to the nearest bathroom as 79 KB JPG fast as I can >Sit on the toilet, push with all of my might >S--- blasts out of my a------ like a cannon >Relief >Go back to bed >Wake up covered in s--- >mfw >Was it all a dream?
: Anonymous 04/18/21(Sun)21:44:31 No.852377973 >Take a small amount of ambien >Wake up early in the middle of the night >Have to take a huge s--- >Can feel it bubbling in my stomach >Run to the nearest bathroom as 79 KB JPG fast as I can >Sit on the toilet, push with all of my might >S--- blasts out of my a------ like a cannon >Relief >Go back to bed >Wake up covered in s--- >mfw >Was it all a dream?

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